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New Zealand Tomorrow Season 1 Episode 4
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FunTranscript
00:01Why has there been no solution to this?
00:05It turns out that when we had zone committees
00:10to deal with the public consultation process,
00:13they were loaded up with farmers.
00:15Wow.
00:16So they ended up that the flow and allocation plans
00:18were inadequate and wrong,
00:20and Forrest and Byrd took ECAN to the High Court and won.
00:24But they didn't change the regulations.
00:26The regulations remain.
00:28Wait, wait.
00:30So who's Forrest and Byrd?
00:32Excuse me?
00:33Yeah, never heard of Forrest and Byrd.
00:34Is that like the bird goes into court?
00:36Jesus.
00:37Where you been?
00:38I don't know, in Auckland.
00:40Look, mate, I'm from the city.
00:42We have the internet and online pornography, okay?
00:45I don't have time to come out here
00:47and learn about your forests and your birds,
00:49and now I'm here and thank God I am
00:50because I'm cleaning this shit up.
00:52It's corrupt!
00:54It's a dead duck.
00:56Do you ever think maybe I'm the bad guy?
01:06My chaotic adventure to discover
01:08why my mate Neil and Glenavy's water was rooted
01:10saw me stumble upon one of the most important issues
01:13for New Zealand's future.
01:15So I started climbing the ladder of power.
01:17The mayor of Waimate pointed out this was an issue across Canterbury.
01:21But when I got to the regional council, Environment Canterbury,
01:24there was nobody there.
01:26Make sure there's somebody there before you go.
01:28There's not always somebody there.
01:29So we emailed, called and visited in person.
01:32But still, no one wanted to talk to me.
01:35It was all very strange.
01:37But I think I just figured out why.
01:40And I couldn't wait to tell Tom O'Connor.
01:42Good to see you again, sir.
01:43How you doing?
01:45Me and Tom have been getting on great.
01:47Is it weird we have a store called Farmers
01:50and then people called Farmers?
01:56Where the hell did that question come from?
01:58Comedy.
01:59I wouldn't give up the day jobs.
02:01Tom is my hero because he's a former journalist
02:04and one of the few locals I'd met brave enough
02:06to speak openly about water.
02:08And I couldn't wait to tell him everything I'd uncovered.
02:11My journalistic sentences are spinning here.
02:14You haven't got them.
02:15They can't spin.
02:16Can I draw your dog out?
02:17Go.
02:18In the early 2000s, dairy farming was booming.
02:21But Canterbury's water was deteriorating.
02:23A new report warns New Zealand's water quality
02:26will continue to deteriorate as dairy farming grows.
02:29A water war erupted.
02:31And somehow the environmentalists won
02:33with four new candidates elected to ECAN
02:36promising to fight for fresh water.
02:38The rumours are that the powerful dairy industry
02:40wasn't happy about this
02:42and started pressuring the government to do something.
02:44The facts are that in 2009,
02:46just six months before ECAN's next democratic election,
02:50the Minister of Conservation, Nick Smith,
02:52fired the council and replaced them
02:54with his appointed commissioners.
02:57You see, an honest answer is that there are times
03:01when this parliament needs to step in
03:04to elected bodies
03:07so that we can lift the standard of management.
03:10This is almost a national scandal.
03:12It was a national scandal.
03:13Oh, what was I doing?
03:15I just missed it.
03:16You've missed a hell of a lot in your life.
03:19It was a national scandal.
03:21And I missed it.
03:22Today I cry because I'm sad,
03:24but the council has actually destroyed the very thing
03:27that I think the city is made of,
03:30and that's democracy.
03:32So the government undemocratically overthrew the regional council.
03:35The regional council increased consents for water,
03:38and that caused the nitrate problems,
03:40even though they knew that would happen.
03:42Yeah.
03:43How are you so calm about this?
03:44My heart is racing.
03:45This is huge.
03:46It doesn't do you any good when you get old, you get angry.
03:48Why would they do it though?
03:49Because they were lobbied by the dairy industry.
03:52That's corrupt.
03:53That's dodgy.
03:54No, no, no, no, no.
03:55It wasn't illegal.
03:56The government's allowed to do that.
03:57Just because it's not illegal doesn't mean it's not dodgy.
03:59I don't use words like dodgy.
04:01Well, you're the journalist.
04:02It was stupid.
04:04It was stupid.
04:05Stupid.
04:06Because they knew what the consequences would be.
04:08Yeah, see, I would call this corruption.
04:10Yeah, it's a word I don't use.
04:12Well, what would we use?
04:13Stupid.
04:14I think it's stupid that we can't say corruption.
04:16It was stupidly dodgy, but also a huge breakthrough in the case.
04:20Maybe this is why E-Can didn't want to talk to me.
04:23Maybe this is why people in Glenavia and rural Waimate
04:26are drinking water out of tanks and plastic bottles.
04:29I feel like I'm making some good points here.
04:31Well, the farmers...
04:33Could you say I'm making some good points?
04:34The farmers are not to blame.
04:36Can you say you love me?
04:37The farmers are not to blame for the problem.
04:43Just like my real dad.
04:45I was slowly figuring it out.
04:47All I needed was a wise mentor to take me under his wing.
04:51Do you think maybe you could teach me the ways of the journalism?
04:54No.
04:55What do you mean no?
04:56Well, I'm too old.
04:58This is supposed to be the inspirational moment
05:00where you teach me and I become awesome.
05:02No.
05:03I'm too old to be a teacher.
05:05And you're not hella good at listening, so you...
05:09Very good point.
05:10Tom said he'd mentor me.
05:11Probably.
05:12I wasn't listening.
05:13I was too busy focusing on this amazing scandal.
05:16There were protests.
05:17An amazing pop song.
05:19And a 12-foot statue of Nick Smith.
05:21With his pants down.
05:23Defecating into a glass of water.
05:25I knew I had to meet this man.
05:28So I hit the road.
05:29Heading north to Nelson, my childhood home.
05:31where Nick Smith is now mayor.
05:34I was going to confront the mayor
05:36and force him live on camera to admit
05:38to orchestrating the coup
05:40that took down Environment Canterbury.
05:43Um, in 2010, you overthrew ECAN.
05:47Yeah, I did.
05:48Oh, you're gonna say you did do that?
05:50Yeah, I did.
05:51No, I was gonna say that was bad.
05:53Oh, I think it was very good.
05:54Oh, you're proud of that?
05:55Yeah, I am.
05:56Nick confirmed all the rumours and allegations
05:57that I had pretty much straight away.
05:59And I'm gonna be honest with you.
06:01He completely caught me off guard.
06:02I will swear over a Bible
06:04that the intervention that I did in Environment Canterbury
06:06was a good thing for more sensible water management in Canterbury.
06:10Okay.
06:11Well, all of New Zealand's rivers are now fucked.
06:14No, that's not true.
06:15No, that's true.
06:16No, it's not.
06:17What do you mean, no, it's not?
06:1860% of the rivers are unswimmable.
06:20Two thirds of our indigenous fish are endangered.
06:23Our rivers are pretty rooted.
06:24There isn't a river or a beach that you would not happily swim and take in your kids.
06:29Lake Horafenua, it's so poisonous that it could kill a child.
06:33Lake Horafenua is one of the worst.
06:35Yeah.
06:36That is atypical.
06:37I could name you 50 lakes on this programme that have almost pristine water quality.
06:43Go for them.
06:44Let's go Pukaki.
06:45Let's go Tekapo.
06:46Let's go Manipori.
06:47Let's go Rotuiti.
06:48Let's go Rotaroa.
06:50Let's go Cobb Reservoir, which was a lake.
06:56Look, I'm stretching my geography on all the boats.
07:01You got to like seven.
07:02I could get to 50 if you gave me a minute.
07:04No, you can't.
07:05Anyway, the point is, in Waimate, they can't drink their water.
07:08They've got to drink out of bottled water and stuff like that
07:10because the nitrates are in the water.
07:11It's a national crisis, I thought.
07:13That's where we disagree.
07:15Just sort of part of the political myth.
07:17You know, that horrible Nick Smith made these changes for Environment Canterbury.
07:20Yeah, that's what I grew up believing, yeah.
07:22Oh yeah, look, I had a terrible thing where these lovely people dropped in some muffins.
07:26So I thought, oh, that's very nice of them.
07:28I hopped into these muffins.
07:29Didn't think they were the best muffins I'd had.
07:31And then got an email sometime afterwards saying that they'd crapped in them.
07:36So you ate shit muffins?
07:38Well, they didn't taste that great.
07:40When you said they crapped in them,
07:41have they crapped into the muffins or do you think they've mixed it into the base?
07:47I didn't want to think about the detail.
07:50I was feeling sick enough as it was.
07:52Yeah.
07:53So you've got a song written about you, have you heard that?
07:55No.
07:56You've got a giant statue of you shitting in a glass of water.
07:59And muffins.
08:00Full of shit.
08:01Yeah.
08:02Do you ever think maybe I'm the bad guy?
08:04No.
08:05Look, in politics you get to do some wonderful things.
08:07Eating shit muffins is not a wonderful thing.
08:10That's horrific.
08:11It was like he knew he could distract me with comedy.
08:14I had to stay focused.
08:16Luckily, I had a trick up my sleeve.
08:19I was locked in a passionate debate with former Minister for the Environment, Nick Smith,
08:34when he disarmed me with a hilarious story about literally eating shit muffins.
08:39Well, they didn't taste that great.
08:41Luckily, I had a trick up my sleeve.
08:44The old Erin Brockovich.
08:46Wait a moment here.
08:47Wait a moment here.
08:48Give him a glass of water and then shock him when he finds out it's from South Canterbury.
08:52What I've got here is some water from a town called Glenavy.
09:03Wait, you've already said drink.
09:05I was going to say, do you want to drink that?
09:07I already have.
09:09OK, that didn't work.
09:10But it was time for my last resort.
09:13Attacking the dairy industry.
09:15In New Zealand, do you reckon we have too much dairy farming?
09:17No, I think we need to better manage our dairy farming.
09:19We've got too much.
09:20Everyone agrees we've got too much.
09:22You've got to admit we've got too much.
09:23No, I don't.
09:24There's a lot of cows out there.
09:25Right now, what's paying the bills for this country is that dairy industry.
09:29But what is causing future bills is nitrates getting into the water
09:32and having to build very expensive plants to filter out nitrates.
09:35And that's where we're in a different space, Guy.
09:37Because to demonise the dairy industry is to demonise one of New Zealand's most important industries that provides for our standard living.
09:45This is the most serious you've gotten in the whole interview.
09:47Yeah, it is.
09:48Because I took a shot at dairy.
09:49You've got to admit dairy is rooted.
09:51No.
09:52It's, I'm going to say, dodgy.
09:55I'm going to say even worse than that, stupid.
09:57No, I disagree with all of those things.
09:59And just like that, our time was up and the story was done.
10:05I'd followed it all the way to the top and what I found was a strange man munching on shit muffins.
10:11Not long after he contacted me to reiterate the fact that he believed intervention in ECAN was important for uniting the council and stopping unsustainable growth in Canterbury.
10:21He also further disputed my claims that water in Canterbury was, quote, rooted, which I thought was funny.
10:26Pointing out that on the day of recording of 47 sites, only 17 were labelled unswimmable, which didn't seem very good to me, especially when you consider that he lowered the standards.
10:36We used to have quite high standards for waterways.
10:39Nick Smith when he was the Minister of Conservation changed that standard so it was safe for boating and wading.
10:47You could do that in a bloody sewage pond.
10:49Of course, when I asked Nick, he denied this too.
10:53I also heard that back in the day, you wanted to make the rivers swimmable, so what you did is just change the swimmable river standard and you nailed it.
10:59I reject. No, I didn't do that.
11:01I tried to argue that most leading experts say the situation is bad and getting worse.
11:06Nick claimed he could find different experts.
11:08But when I looked into the expert he did name, he named a spokesperson who was literally on the payroll of one of New Zealand's largest fertiliser companies.
11:17I wandered out of Nick's office in a sad daze.
11:21The water was calling me to the Mai Tai, the river I swam in as a kid.
11:27And I dived in.
11:31This was a terrible idea. There was like three inches of water and so many rocks, it really hurt.
11:35Should not have gone at low tide.
11:37Thank God I was wearing my swimsuit.
11:39They said you'd never take the council down.
11:49But you just found your way around.
11:55I had a long and hard swim ahead of me, back to Waimate.
11:59Maybe it was really about the friends I made along the way.
12:03Neil, Gareth, Bev, Sheepy Brian, the Sheep Man.
12:09I promised my new mates that I would help them out with their nitrates.
12:13But I delivered little more than a childish squabble.
12:17I thought that if I could just be a journalist to find the source of the issue, I could solve the problem.
12:23But when I got to what I thought was the source of the issue, he denied that there was a problem at all.
12:27It's a national crisis I thought.
12:29No it's not.
12:30Tom was right.
12:31When it came to journalism, I didn't have it.
12:34I was lucky that when I got back to town, there was no one around to be disappointed in me.
12:38I couldn't leave Waimate like this.
12:43The next morning, I was starving.
12:46The swim had really taken it out of me.
12:48So I went to get something to eat.
12:50One of the governor's legendary topside beef burgers from the town fryer would be amazing right now.
12:55But the town fryer was still closed.
12:58This was now a genuine small town mystery.
13:00A story like I used to do before all the journalists disappeared and I tried to be one.
13:05This was a chance to get back at doing what I was good at and to do something for Waimate.
13:11Or at least for Gareth.
13:13We're all so worried about the burgers.
13:15What happened to the burgers in town?
13:19Yeah!
13:20It was time for New Zealand Today.
13:25Sgt.
13:28Sgt.
13:29Sgt.
13:30Sgt.
13:31Sgt.
13:32Sgt.
13:33Sgt.
13:34Sgt.
13:35Sgt.
13:36Sgt.
13:37Waimate.
13:38South Canterbury.
13:39A town famous for wallabies, water and burgers.
13:44water, and burgers.
13:46But right now, their legendary burger shop,
13:48the town fryer, has been closed for over a week.
13:51And local legend Gareth is starting to get worried.
13:54Governor, we're just wondering where you're at.
13:56We hope you're okay.
13:58What was going on in Waimate?
14:00I hit the streets to find out.
14:02Oh my god, burgers?
14:03It didn't take long before I found a chief suspect,
14:06the town fryer's main rival, Hokanui Burgers.
14:09Are you doing burgers here in this car park?
14:11Yeah, best burgers in town.
14:13But all you've got is one tray full of carrots.
14:15Yeah.
14:17What about the town fryer?
14:21No, go on.
14:21Okay, interesting.
14:25Are you anything to do with the other one closing down?
14:28Uh.
14:34No.
14:35You seem suspicious.
14:36Nope, well me.
14:37Next stop was the local radio station across the road.
14:40Maybe afternoon host Ian could help me put the word out.
14:44How far does this station reach?
14:46It's just basically add to the main road.
14:48We're on the main road.
14:50Well, yep.
14:52And what sort of stuff do you talk about?
14:54Well, a lot of it's the weather, as normal.
14:56Are you joking or are you actually talking about the weather?
14:58Yeah, no I do.
14:59When I briefly did radio, they told me not to talk about the weather.
15:02Oh, no one's stopped me, so.
15:04I'm trying to figure out what happened at the town fryer.
15:08Well, he seemed to be a nice guy, yeah.
15:10Have a bit of yarn about things.
15:11What do you talk about?
15:12Oh, just as we do here, about the weather.
15:15Ian said he'd help get the word out in between weather updates.
15:19And just hours later, I got a name and address for the town fryer's owner.
15:23I was about to come face to face with a Waimate legend.
15:27The genius behind the best burgers in town, Gareth's hero, an icon known only as the Gov'nor.
15:37Hello.
15:38Nice to meet you.
15:39My name's Guy Williams.
15:40I'm from a show called New Zealand Tomorrow.
15:42How are you?
15:43It is a privilege to meet you, sir.
15:45How are you?
15:46Yeah, good, good.
15:47Can I just say, on behalf of everyone in Waimate, we've been worried about you and we're
15:52so glad to find you.
15:54We've been wondering where you've been.
15:57What happened to the legendary Waimate governor?
16:00Well, I'm not actually the governor.
16:03I'm the owner, but I'm not the governor.
16:05My name's Hugh.
16:06It's really nice to meet you.
16:07Can I ask, where is the governor right now?
16:10The governor is a very dear friend of mine.
16:13He has recently had a funeral and been cremated.
16:19So, he is not around anymore.
16:23He passed away.
16:24Quite certainly, which was sad.
16:27So, you won't be able to find him unless you go through the pearly gates, I don't think.
16:32For the first time in my career, I was lost for words.
16:37Okay.
16:38Um.
16:39Oh, okay.
16:41Okay.
16:42That's, yeah.
16:43I'm so sorry to hear that.
16:44That is awful news.
16:46Yeah, we appreciate that.
16:47There's been quite a bit of love in Waimate's shown towards us.
16:51So, this is all quite, um.
16:54Haha.
16:55I normally do kind of light entertainment stories.
16:57Yeah.
16:58And, uh, this is obviously a lot.
17:02Yeah.
17:03Yeah.
17:05Would you like to come inside?
17:08Yeah.
17:09Yeah, I reckon.
17:10Yeah, that'd be nice.
17:11Okay.
17:12Thanks, Hugh.
17:13Come in.
17:14If there's anything you want to say to the governor, what would you say to him?
17:19Thank you very much for all of your faithful and loyal help.
17:25Hmm.
17:26Hugh and the governor had met through church, so we said a prayer.
17:29In Jesus' name.
17:30Amen.
17:31Amen.
17:32And talked about God.
17:33Have you met God?
17:34Uh, I have had experiences of meeting God, yes.
17:37Did he say anything to you?
17:39Yes.
17:40He did.
17:41Could you tell me what he said?
17:43Uh, yes.
17:44What'd he say?
17:46He, I heard some audible words at a time I was needing to make a decision.
17:50I mean, you're really pussyfooting around it here.
17:53What were the words is what I'm trying to say.
17:55I'm trying to find out what he said.
17:56Well, it was some time ago.
17:57It doesn't happen very often.
17:58Have you forgotten?
17:59No.
18:00But is it the Holy Spirit or is it God?
18:03Oh, well, whoever it was, tell me what they said.
18:06Well, okay.
18:07I'll tell you.
18:08Please.
18:09I went to visit my mother and asked her advice on a decision.
18:12I drove up her beautifully manicured drive, and unfortunately, I drove over a duck.
18:19And so I felt the words, it's a dead duck, so don't do it.
18:26Wow.
18:27Kind of an unusual moment.
18:29So basically what happened is you ran over a duck and you're like, this is God speaking to me.
18:32Yeah, I heard a strong voice saying it's a dead duck.
18:36Do you think Jesus was there throwing the duck under your car?
18:39Not specifically, but as I said, the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit.
18:44Yeah, they're a team.
18:45Yeah.
18:46So maybe the Holy Spirit was throwing it there and Jesus was there going, do it.
18:48I know many people who have odd moments.
18:51What was the decision that day that you needed help with?
18:55I don't recall.
18:56But I do remember riding over a duck.
18:59You don't forget that.
19:00It was a day I wasn't going to forget.
19:03My head was spinning.
19:04I'd hit another dead end.
19:06Whoa.
19:07What's going on with that cat?
19:09Yeah, he's a bit extrovert.
19:11It was all very overwhelming and I had no idea how I was going to break the news to Gareth.
19:26The good news is that I'd solved the mystery of the town friar.
19:30The bad news is that it was because the governor had tragically died.
19:34And I was the one who had to tell his biggest fan.
19:38Gareth.
19:39G'day, hello.
19:40I'd go out for a burger but I left me last 20 bucks.
19:44I bought a scrumpy so yeah.
19:46When I got to Gareth's house he was in a really good mood.
19:49Bit of monster, bit of daff.
19:50He'd already started drinking.
19:52I didn't know how I was going to tell him.
19:54So we made small talk.
19:55Were you in a band?
19:57I played in a band called Jizzum.
20:00They were from Australia.
20:01So your band was called Jizzum?
20:03Yeah.
20:04It's a terrible name.
20:06I'd still like to play the drums and percussion again.
20:09But I'm trying to purchase a new drum kit, a drum set soon.
20:13So the thing stopping you from being a drummer is not having a drum set?
20:16Yeah, basically.
20:17There's no easy way to say it.
20:18I just had to tell him.
20:20So you're back here in Aotearoa?
20:21Yeah.
20:22Yeah.
20:23But there is one problem.
20:25What's that?
20:26The drum set.
20:27I wasn't even thinking of the drum set.
20:28I was actually thinking about the governor.
20:30The governor as in the prime minister like?
20:33No, no, no.
20:34The governor of Fry Tucks.
20:36Yeah, it's all like a big mystery.
20:38And he had the best steak burgers in town.
20:40Like they were the best I thought because they were cheaper.
20:43But also what about the taste?
20:45The lettuce?
20:46The taste, the quality of the lettuce was crisp.
20:48The establishment was a bit stinky.
20:49It was never open, you know.
20:51He may have got hate mail from the Food Standards Authority.
20:57Or he may have got, I don't know why it stunk so much in that shot.
21:01Sorry.
21:02Matt, my director started laughing and he's holding one again.
21:06That's the honesty of it.
21:07And I used to feel sorry for the guy and I thought, fuck, you know what I mean?
21:10Let's go down there and get some burgers.
21:12But he was always sort of like a grumpy fucking sort of, it's like he was going through a rough patch, eh?
21:19But the old dude who was working there.
21:21And I said to him, you want a hand, you know?
21:23Just give us 20 bucks an hour or something, you know?
21:25You want a hand, you know?
21:26Just because he yelled.
21:27But he hasn't opened up.
21:31He hasn't got returned a call or anything.
21:34And he's missing an action in the local sticks of Waimati.
21:38Because, like, he seemed like a good enough gold-hearted chap.
21:42Like he was just him on his own.
21:44And, you know, it seemed to me he needed help.
21:47And he was, and I just, yeah, I couldn't seem to give it to him.
21:53I couldn't do it.
21:55I couldn't break the news to Gareth.
21:57Yeah.
21:58And it almost felt like he already knew.
22:01So we poured out a drink.
22:02Tiny bit, tiny bit for me, tiny bit.
22:04My first ever alcoholic lemonade monster soda.
22:07And I don't even drink.
22:08This is like 5% for that whole volume, so.
22:115% for that whole volume?
22:13Yeah, which is very, very low, isn't it, really?
22:15It doesn't matter what the volume is.
22:165% stays the same.
22:18You can drink that and not even get pissed, really.
22:20I felt like a coward.
22:22I clearly wasn't cut out for this.
22:24I attempted to take on a real story,
22:26and when that got tough, I ran back to my safe space.
22:29A wacky novelty story about burgers.
22:32But I couldn't even hack that.
22:34I had to keep going.
22:35If not for the future of Waimate,
22:37then at least for the future of me.
22:40But I didn't know if I had the strength.
22:43I needed guidance.
22:45It's a dead duck.
22:46A message from God.
22:47I know many people who have God moments.
22:50And that's when I realised that I had already met him.
23:00Next week, on New Zealand Tomorrow,
23:02the long-awaited return of Motorbike Jesus.
23:06I know we promised that last week, but we forgot.
23:08I'm so sorry.
23:09And next week, I promise you.
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