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BRITCOM I
  • 5 weeks ago

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00:01Supporting each other must be the key to opening the Vortex!
00:04The Vortex won't let us leave until we find who the real killer is.
00:08Are we back?
00:09Only one way to find out.
00:15Warren and Lucy seem to have arrived in a perfect world,
00:18but as we all know, that's not how the Vortex works.
00:22Ah, there he is, just in time to play us the pan flute.
00:25Ah, Warren, you just have to try this.
00:28You too, lovely Lucy.
00:34Er, interesting.
00:36Unique.
00:37Fermented soybeans.
00:39I kind of like this world, Deb.
00:41We, er, got any sausages?
00:44Oh, sausages!
00:47Oh, Warren, you are such a scream.
00:50Now, if you don't mind, the barbecue is my domain.
00:54Anymore?
00:57Significant other!
01:00Aw, aw, must do.
01:03I've only been in the kitchen, silly.
01:05Yeah, um, babe, have we got any pork sausage in the fridge?
01:08But I'm starving.
01:09We're making a new egg.
01:14And we don't have eggs either.
01:16Oh, hey Lucy.
01:18Hi, Bo.
01:19Do you want to see my new tattoo?
01:20Uh, sure.
01:21You can touch it if you like.
01:22That takes irony to a whole new level.
01:23I'm so glad you get it.
01:24Yeah, people say that Da Vinci was ahead of his time, but really, I think he was just
01:27outside the realms of our comprehension.
01:29What do you think about that statement?
01:30Um, I...
01:31Shall we take this inside?
01:32I've got some poems I'd like to read you as well.
01:35Seeing you together reminds me how awesome you are, Ego.
01:42Hey, come on.
01:43Come on.
01:44Hey, come on.
01:45Hey, come on.
01:46Hey!
01:47Oh!
01:48Oh!
01:49Oh!
01:50Oh!
01:51Oh!
01:52Oh!
01:53Oh!
01:54Oh!
01:55Oh!
01:56Oh!
01:57Oh!
01:58Oh!
01:59Oh!
02:00Oh!
02:01Oh!
02:02Oh!
02:03Oh!
02:04Oh!
02:05Oh!
02:06Oh!
02:06Oh!
02:07Oh.
02:08Oh!
02:10Oh!
02:11Hey!
02:14I see you, brother.
02:16Oh!
02:17Oh, oh!
02:18Oh!
02:19Oh, oh, oh!
02:21Ah!
02:22Oh!
02:23Oh.
02:24Oh!
02:25Yeah!
02:26Oh.
02:27Oh!
02:28Crazy Nate.
02:29me are you smoking now bro no no i'm not smoking this is my thinking tool it gives me clarity
02:35smoking oh warren my friend i've got to show you the salad that i brought
02:45now it is chock full of indonesian greens and some of those dandelion leaves that we foraged
02:49yesterday yeah oh my you got really tense shoulders it goes way up to your neck oh we should do some
03:05calming exercises nope i'm good i'm good where's lucy you seem distressed maybe we should talk about
03:12your feelings no caterpie muz muz yeah who's muz that's you no my name is murray and if you're
03:20going to shorten it it should be my why do you keep adding on to everything you're the one that
03:27chose that name it's even on your rugby jersey rugby what's this rugby of which you speak i've never
03:35heard of it i've written a haiku on a piece of recycled paper lucy's grace shines bright sunlight
03:47dances in her eyes beauty in each step i'm dead you okay welcome to espn the essay sonnets and poetry
04:00network no please no here's your host dr sean fitzpatrick i thought you'd be cold a tree that
04:09my love hangs upon oh lucy hmm shed now
04:21rugby god tana umanga is a poet laureate this world is crazy oh come on dad it's nice no one's trying to
04:28kill us the food's actually really good your friends are intelligent for once some might even
04:32say it's a utopia or is it an utopia nope can't have a utopia without rugby sorry darling that's just a
04:40fact no no no i know what i have to do to open the vortex okay in the words of every star wars character
04:48ever i have a bad feeling about this and i opened my bag and it was full of rose petals
04:57wow how sweet i was wondering if any of you fellas i mean you gentlemen would like to accompany me to
05:03the park down the road let us commune with nature as friends and kindred spirits oh we can listen to
05:11the tui oh that song is so beautiful this time of year yep that's it there we'll listen to some tui
05:17love me a bit of tui but uh also i would like to teach you all a little game
05:25surely if we want to hear the tui we should be deeper in the forest uh spread out
05:33okay um spread out in a line with some distance in between you
05:36you see this this is a rugby ball now you pass it to darren no no no no no no no no no throw it to
05:49darren come on bro you can do better than that uh try that again but with a bit more kaha behind it
05:55and from your hip like this from the hip yeah yeah yeah better yeah okay now you have a go daz
06:03daz i like the shortening of names and adding a z okay maz yeah ah oh i got it oh i like that
06:13heaps of kaha yeah pretty mean eh yeah oh oh daz nice so i'm properly
06:25i can be a lie now
06:37i can be a lie now
06:51i can be a lie now
07:00i can be a lie now
07:02i can be a lie now
07:04i can be a lie now
07:16i can be a lie now
07:18i can be a lie now
07:32Go back, go back, go back, go back.
07:52How awesome was that, eh, brothers?
07:54Rugby!
07:55What do you reckon, Master? What did you like about that?
07:57Rugby!
07:58Yep, that's the name of the game, but what did you like about it?
08:00Rugby!
08:01Rugby!
08:02Rugby!
08:03Rugby!
08:04Rugby!
08:05Rugby!
08:06Rugby!
08:07Rugby!
08:08Rugby!
08:09Rugby!
08:10Rugby!
08:11Rugby!
08:12Rugby!
08:13Rugby!
08:15Wow, this chakra chai is suing my chakras to no end.
08:29end. I knew you'd like it. Love it. My chakras are good to go. So, um, yeah, I would be keen
08:40to go to France with you. I think I'd love that. Me too. Speaking of France, would you
08:49get a kiss? In the style of the French? May I have your consent? Yes. Yeah.
08:59Um, I can see.
09:08Uh, Mr. Harrison? Dad, what have you done? It wasn't intentional. I swear. A citywide riot
09:17has broken out across Wellington and Lower Hutt. We cross live to reporter Karen Karen.
09:22Thanks, Dominic. I'm here in the streets watching the hordes of men wreaking havoc, tapping anything
09:26that moves, and then forming impromptu huddles with eight orange segments. I've managed to
09:29find someone I can talk to. Uh, what's your name, sir? Baz! And, um, why are you doing
09:33all this tackling? Because it's awesome! Are you concerned that some people don't want
09:37to be tackled? No, it's awesome! Rugby! Rugby! So far, one fatality has been reported, and
09:43Mrs. Beverly Schrodinger was sadly killed in a rolling mall. Authorities advise everyone
09:47to stay indoors and avoid all contact with oval objects.
09:50Oh, we do!
09:51Yeah!
09:53Back to you in the studio. Dad, what have you done?
09:57I didn't know I was going to get this bad, okay? They just went rugby crazy. All I did
10:01was teach up a few, like, spin passes, some chip kicks, and some dough-ins, and a scrum.
10:05That's it. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?
10:08I don't know, but I like the sound of this rug at B. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, Bo,
10:12hey! Hey, look at me. What about the fact that different characters in Winnie the Pooh represent
10:18different types of neurodiversity? Wow. I hadn't thought about that, but it's
10:23so true. You have to fix this. How?
10:27Uh, no, no, don't, don't answer that. Well, that could be the artist in chutney that I ordered.
10:33No, um, honey. Honey, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hey, ni hao, namaste,
10:39talofa laba, tena koe, and bonjour. I always forget bonjour, and he's French. Hey, my name's
10:45P. William Doyle, and I'm a cop. A counsellor of people, it's an acronym. Yep, ah, I know
10:50who you are, Phil. Hey, friend. Hey, honey moa. Bella. Nice man bun. Oh, thank you, that's,
10:57wow, that's a nice compliment, thank you. Um, so look, it's come to my attention, or our attention,
11:02that you've incited the citywide riots that are currently taking place in the city. Hey,
11:06look, I only wanted to teach some dudes about the greatest game there ever was. I never thought
11:11it would end like this. Oh, all these emotions that are bubbling away down there. You know
11:15what we should do? Is talk about your feelings down at the station over a serenity brew or
11:19three. Why can't we just have a chat here? Well, I just don't really feel like the feng shui
11:23in here is conducive to us having some open and honest dialogue, that's all. Why don't you
11:28come with me? Down the station. Here we go. He won't be long. Bye, Queen.
11:43How's the serenity brew, Warren? How's the serenity brew?
11:47Now, Warren, I think it's important for us to talk through the context of what you've done.
11:52Now, would you be open to doing that? Mm-hmm. Good. Good for you, mate. Now, not a lot of
11:59people know this, mate, but the game of rugby was outlawed in the early part of the 20th century.
12:08See you later. And the New Zealand government since that time, quite rightly, has tried to
12:12suppress any sporting activity that might cause public disorder. And any person still wrestling
12:19with the compulsion to play the game of rugby is usually bound up into a straitjacket and shipped
12:25off to the global sporting penile colony that we all know as Australia.
12:31Yeah, well, where I come from, rugby brings us all together.
12:34What are you talking about? Whereabouts do you come from?
12:36Uh, I mean, uh... Hey, you're not from Australia.
12:40Are you? No, relax. I'm not from Australia.
12:43Whoo! Holy smoke! You can't scare me like a fight. Whoo! My sacral chakra just about did a backflip.
12:50Goodness gracious me. Hey, if you're not from Australia, then how do you know the rules of this
12:54heathen sport known as rugby?
12:58I, uh, guess it's just in my DNA.
13:00Well, let's get it out of there, mate. Let's get it out of your DNA.
13:04Now, here at Cops, we have a procedure whereby we like to let the perpetrator, that's you, Warren,
13:08know the effect of their actions on the wider community. And I find the best way to do that,
13:13mate, is through the power of non-confrontational improv.
13:17Now, would you be open to doing some non-confrontational improv, Warren?
13:23Yes. Epic.
13:29That actually looks surprisingly, bewilderingly, freaking awesome, eh?
13:34No, no, it's just a silly game. Um, do you do any other kinds of physical activities?
13:40Yeah, I, I do a little kapoeira, uh, and some interpretive dance, uh, in amongst designing
13:46my own line of bespoke shoes. Wow. Correct dancer.
13:52I hope your dad's okay. He's gonna be fine.
13:53Ah, ooh, hi, dad! Ah, ah, ah, ah! Let me out, Mum, it's dark in here!
14:02This time, Warren, you ask me how I am, and I'll be you, okay?
14:07Hi, Warren, how are you? Oh, me not, no, it's me big dam-dam, me dam.
14:10I don't sound like that. Well, you would if you had a concussion, mate,
14:13which I believe happens a lot in the game of rugby. Ah, let's stay in it. Okay, this time,
14:18ask me if I want to go to the opera. Hi, Warren, would you like to go to the opera?
14:22Well, me not know what opera is, because me big dam-dam, me have too many knock to the head,
14:25me don't know Mr. Man. Look, playing rugby doesn't automatically make you stupid, okay?
14:30Well, I just think you're finding this very confronting, Warren, having someone like myself
14:33reflect yourself back at you so accurately. Point. I thought that was very good, mate,
14:36very good. Some really positive things in there, Warren. And I think all that's left for you,
14:39mate, is to attend. You're re-blossoming.
14:46My re-what? It's a series of lectures based on anthropology, sculpting, and the history of Mongolian
14:51throat singing. And I tell you what, mate, you're going to love it. Okay, yeah. So can I go now?
14:56Well, you've always been free to go, mate. No one's holding you here. Really, so...
15:00I don't have to be here anymore? No, you came here of your own free will, remember?
15:03Well, did you take another knock to the head because you big dum-dum?
15:06Now, let's not forget this, your beautiful cashmere cardigan that you wrapped up and transformed
15:11into that nasty, nasty rag people. Here you go, mate. Okay. Here you go. Good game. Okay. Wow.
15:28Hey, the door said I was free to go. You were free to go, Warren. Oh, but in doing so,
15:34you evaded arrest. And that, my friend, is punishable by execution, I'm sorry to say.
15:38Seriously? Deadly. Oh, yes! They call me Attila, mate. Attila the pun. You know,
15:44this isn't the first time this has happened. What is it with your dystopian societies and
15:48your executions? What happened to my re-blossoming or the Mongolian throat kissing or whatever?
15:52Well, you forfeited all that, mate, when you waddled out of the interrogation room with your big
15:56dummy face. Okay? I think now's a good time for us to get this little scallywag ready for his
16:00execution, friends. What say you? I've really enjoyed our time together. Me too. I don't think
16:10this reality could get any better. I know one way we could make it better. Would you like to kiss
16:17in the style of the French now? Oui, oui. Hi, honey. Hi, honey. Hey, jump in. Your father is about to be
16:30executed. Executed? What the heck for? Oh, crimes against the humanities, so we should probably have
16:36a chat with him before that happens. They're gonna execute him? Yeah, executions happen all the time.
16:42You should definitely go, though. Watching your father's execution might bring some closure for you.
16:47How do we save him? Hmm? Who? Dad, obviously. How do we stop them executing him? Oh, no,
16:59there's no stopping it. Look, I'm just trying to book a table at that amazing Ethiopian place. I thought
17:04we could go there after. Yes, and they do those stunning fermented injeta pancakes. Where do they
17:08do the executions? You know where they do them. You've been to at least 50 of them. 50?
17:12Why? Why does this reality have to have such a dark underbelly? I always say that, um,
17:17execution is a small price to pay for paradise. Drive there now!
17:28Wait, you're my executioner? Yeah, well, it's reliable work. And it's fun, too.
17:35Wait, what are you doing? Oh, we've started executing through the use of blow darts. Now,
17:39this frog's called Janice. Isn't she gorgeous? So the poison she secretes is all natural,
17:45okay, and that's humanely extracted. Oh, also, we brought the Bolivian poison dart frog back from
17:51the brink of extinction. Why didn't you just use guns, man?
17:55Oh, that's far too barbaric.
18:02Dad! Dad! Lucy! You're right. We have to get out of here. I'm sorry I didn't believe you that this
18:08universe sucks. Peace be with you, inside you, and around you. Mr Doyle, please,
18:16please don't kill my dad. Of course they won't. Don't worry about it. I'm gonna get one of his best
18:21friends Darren to do it. Let's go, Dazzle! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
18:27wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, can I please? At least let me
18:30have some final words. Hey, I really like that you said please there. It shows a lot of manners. So,
18:36yes, I'm gonna let you say some final words, but you have to tell them through the medium of an
18:40interpretative dance. Yay, let's go, Warren! Hey, look, I'm just gonna say some actual words.
18:48If I'm gonna die today, I just wanna say anymore. I've traveled to many universes and in each one,
18:56I just, I just fall in love with you all over again. And wherever I go, you're the light that
19:03guides me home. I just wanna come home, my darling. We both do. We wanna come home to you.
19:12Oh, Warren. Um, I have something to confess. Um, I've been practicing, um, ethical non-monogamy with,
19:26um, um, Inspector Phil DeWill. And she is amazing, Warren. Monogamazing. I have to say. So giving.
19:35And so are you, mate. That speech was so heartfelt. It really moved me.
19:39I think you'd have to have a heart of stone not to be moved by those words.
19:42So here's what we're gonna do, Warren. Continue the execution! Yes, let's go!
19:51Lucy, no! No! Don't kill my dad!
19:55What the Gundam wench has happened.
20:17Vortex! Let's go!
20:25What the hell did my body just do?
20:32What was that, Dad?
20:34Ah, yeah, ah, about that, sweetheart. Um, okay?
20:38This was bound to come out sooner than later.
20:41What?
20:43Your mother and I never told you the truth about where you really come from.
20:46It all happened 18 years ago.
20:59Wait. I came out of the Vortex.
21:15What universe did I come from?
21:17I don't think this is our home.
21:33No, Lucy. I think this is your home.
21:35Dad! Wake up!
21:46Perhaps Warren's luck has finally run out.
21:49But that's a story for another time, another place, another world.
21:54Dad!
21:56I've come.
21:56What the hell?
21:57What?
21:57Go for it!
21:58Go for it!
22:01Come for it!
22:02Sorry!
22:03I've come.
22:03I know you're gonna hold it.
22:05I know you're gonna put it somewhere in the and then,
22:06that's what you here.
22:07What the heck?
22:07What did you do?
22:08What the heck?
22:09That's the best.
22:10It's actually there.
22:10Are you?
22:11Did I know you?
22:12What the heck?
22:13I know you were done.
22:14Oh, the heck?
22:15This is the reason you have ever been there.
22:16It's not there, I know you're the second time,
22:17I know you're the first time.
22:18You have a lot of work with our careers.
22:20And I've ever seen the main thing in the past
22:20to do.
22:21Come to get up.
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