- 3 months ago
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TVTranscript
00:00Tumbling through an interdimensional vortex, Warren and Lucy discover twisted versions of their own world.
00:10Always hoping the next one will be home.
00:22Boss, what are you doing in the dark, man?
00:24Hey, boss.
00:25Hey, Hiccup!
00:30Yoo-hoo, fixin' my blood.
00:33It's like the lights are on, but no one's home.
00:35Huh, they're not all that different, to be honest.
00:40Is she wearing nappies?
00:42That's not the strangest thing I've seen Auntie Laura wear.
00:44Ugh, I think she needs to be changed.
00:47Whoa, they've got them too.
00:49Okay, we should go find Mum.
00:51She wouldn't be dumb enough to get taken over by homo buff.
00:54Dad? Dad!
00:56Sorry, I stoned out there for a second. What did you say?
00:58Okay, don't look at the phone.
01:00I think they take over your brain.
01:01Oh, and how many times have I said that to you?
01:04Huh? Irony much?
01:05Yeah, I think we should go and find a mirror.
01:08Dad.
01:10Dad, snap!
01:11Out of the...
01:11Let's go find Mum.
01:13I was about to say that to you.
01:18Any more?
01:19Babe?
01:21Holy hecka!
01:24Ooh.
01:25Whoa.
01:26I haven't seen the house this paru since your mother went to the Gold Coast to visit her sister.
01:30Yeah.
01:30Why did everything get so untidy while she was gone?
01:33Pfft.
01:33Complete mystery to me.
01:34Ah, you see?
01:50I warned your mother about texting and driving.
01:53Fire her out, man.
01:54People are so engrossed in their mobile phones.
01:56I mean, they're really supposed to be focusing on what did...
01:58Ooh, two bucks.
02:00Ooh.
02:00Oh, my no, darling.
02:02Ah, they're everywhere.
02:04Let's get her inside.
02:05Oh, I've got my...
02:11Oh!
02:13Ah, leave a measle.
02:14Good.
02:15So they're all playing some sort of farming game called Farmy Farm.
02:19I think it's what turned them all into mobile phone zombies.
02:22It's quite hard to say, actually.
02:23Mobile phone zombies.
02:25Oh, no, look out.
02:26It's the mobile phone zombies.
02:27Oh, what about...
02:29Bombies?
02:30Bombies.
02:31Like it.
02:32Fist bump.
02:32Okay, so maybe if we wake up with the mombies, the vortex will open.
02:37Mm-hmm.
02:39Hino-Moa!
02:39Wake up!
02:40Stop being a mombie!
02:43Nah, I know what'll wake her up.
02:46Oh, honey.
02:48Check it out.
02:50Look at what I'm doing.
02:51I'm drinking milk straight out of the carton.
02:54Mmm.
02:56That milk has expired.
02:58Oh, note to Dad.
02:59Maybe don't drink milk in other dimensions.
03:02Hey, check it out, hon.
03:05Oh, I'm going to pour cutlery in the wrong way out.
03:09See how crusty that plate is?
03:11So crusty.
03:12I'm not even going to rinse it.
03:16Oh.
03:18Oh.
03:20That brace really holds that phone in there.
03:23Oh, and those nappies are so gross.
03:25Okay.
03:27I'm going to pinch charming this.
03:34Time to wake up, sleeping beauty.
03:39Your mother's breath smells like portaloos at a three-day music festival.
03:43Well, um, I guess oral hygiene's not really a priority in this universe.
03:47If only there was someone left who could tell us what's going on.
03:52Someone who doesn't own a mobile phone.
03:54What kind of sad, bitter, anti-social loser doesn't have a mobile phone?
03:58Uh, even Mrs. S, she was always going on about her headphones with the devil's Lego.
04:12Okay.
04:12She's not wearing one of those weird arm braces, so maybe we're good.
04:15What are you two heathens doing in my house?
04:35Get out now.
04:38It worked.
04:39Doesn't want uses of these things.
04:40Oh.
04:43Oh.
04:44Oh.
04:45Oh my god, I think she's dead.
04:512002?
04:52Dead.
04:53I'll call an ambulance.
04:53No, no, no, don't touch your phone.
04:54No.
04:55Aroha, my Mrs. S.
04:58Okay.
04:59Who else wouldn't have a phone?
05:01Dogs.
05:04Yeah, because dogs would really help us in this situation.
05:08Crazy conspiracy theorist?
05:10Got rid of his phone because he thought Vladimir Putin was watching him on the toilet?
05:13Darren.
05:14We'll give him a call right now.
05:16Oh, yeah, fine.
05:16Yeah, sorry.
05:17We'll just, we'll just go there.
05:21This reality gives me the creeps.
05:24Yeah.
05:24I don't think it's that much different from our reality, to be honest, honey.
05:30Neither would the nappies.
05:31Yeah.
05:31Yeah.
05:32Yeah.
05:32I don't think it's that much different from our reality, to be honest, to be honest, to be honest, to be honest, to be honest, to be honest.
05:40Phil!
05:40Phil!
05:40Whoa.
05:40Whoa.
05:41Hey.
05:41Hey, Phil.
05:43Hey, pal.
05:45What are you doing?
05:46Nothing, honey.
05:47I was just seeing if he'll snap out of it, that's all.
05:49Why don't you try Prince Charmingham?
05:50Maybe I will.
05:51Yeah.
05:52Not so tough now, are you, Phil?
05:52With your annoying swagger and your condescending tone, and you know what?
06:04No one cares that your barbecue is bigger than mine.
06:06No one.
06:07What?
06:07Are you finished?
06:08No.
06:09Not quite.
06:11I've got something special for you, man.
06:13Check this out, Stanky Steves.
06:15Over a 10 million scofford bunny.
06:17That's going to be fun when you wake up.
06:19Yeah.
06:20There you go.
06:22Real mature, Dad.
06:24Real mature.
06:25Get on my, darling.
06:28You know what?
06:29Yeah.
06:30Keep that.
06:32Hurry up.
06:33I'm coming.
06:35Subscribe.
06:37We all have Farty Farm, but tired of having to put down your phone?
06:41Well, now you can play Farty Farm 24-7 with the all-new arm clamp.
06:44Farty Farm.
06:45Putting the fun into Farty.
06:47Watch her.
06:48He'll be in the shed.
06:53Oh.
06:54Holy hecka, what the f-
06:57No fu-
06:58Jeez!
06:59Uncle Darren?
07:00Oh, you guys.
07:01Oh, I thought you'd been kidnapped by hackers working for North Korea.
07:05You haven't, have you?
07:06Uh, I don't think so.
07:08Bro, what's what the Tin Man cost you?
07:10Okay, Uncle Don and Kebab.
07:11Look.
07:12We need to know what's going on.
07:14I can't believe I'm saying this, but...
07:17We want to heal conspiracy theories.
07:19So it's my time to shine.
07:20So I have got three theories.
07:21We were kinda hoping you'd have one really good one.
07:22First, the mobile phones contain mind control ships and the governments use them to subjugate
07:34us.
07:35Nice word, what else?
07:36Second, phones are ancient alien tech.
07:38The aliens want to come back and control us, hence the addiction.
07:41Okay, that's a little Stargate meets Transformers.
07:43Got anything that's not already a movie?
07:46You're gonna love this, Warren.
07:48What if the Māori god of horticulture got bored of gardening, okay?
07:51And decided to become the god of technology, and he's using phones to take over Aotearoa.
07:57Aotearoa.
08:00So when you said you're gonna love this, Warren, did you mean, because I'm Māori?
08:07Maybe the first one, eh?
08:08Yeah, yeah, I think.
08:09Also, what's with the weird pants with the tubes on them?
08:12Oh, they're called eco-cycle pants.
08:14So they take your body waste, they turn them into nutrients, and then they pump it back
08:18into your body.
08:19Ooh, like poo-catchers.
08:20Yeah, exactly.
08:21It allows them to play the game 24-7.
08:23They actually all got them off Teemu.
08:25Yeah, I really like to play those games on the toilet, eh?
08:31More of AIDS in the...
08:34Yeah.
08:35Anyway, this game Funny Farm came out, and everyone was immediately hooked.
08:39But then, the game started offering incentives to recruit new players.
08:43Okay?
08:44So hit a billion points, and you can level up to become a recruiter.
08:47Okay, now these recruiters are actually quite dangerous, because they can run around and
08:51force you to play the game.
08:52But don't worry.
08:53I mean, you have to hit a billion points to become a recruiter.
08:56Okay?
08:57And actually, the chances of running into one are super slim, because everybody's been recruited.
09:02Apart from me, and you guys.
09:05I'm just feeling a bit stuffy in here, so I'll just open this door.
09:06Sorry.
09:07Ah!
09:08Ah!
09:09Ah!
09:10Ah!
09:11Ah!
09:12Ah!
09:13Ah!
09:14Ah!
09:15Ah!
09:16Ah!
09:17Ah!
09:18Ah!
09:19Ah!
09:20Ah!
09:21Ah!
09:22Ah!
09:23Ah!
09:24Ah!
09:25Ah!
09:26Ah!
09:27Ah!
09:28Ah!
09:29Ah!
09:30Ah!
09:31Ah!
09:32Ah!
09:33Ah!
09:34Ah!
09:35Ah!
09:36Ah!
09:37Ah!
09:38Ah!
09:39Ah!
09:40Ah!
09:41Ah!
09:42Ah!
09:43Ah!
09:44Ah!
09:45Ah!
09:46Ah!
09:47Ah!
09:48Ah!
09:49Ah!
09:50Ah!
09:51Ah!
09:52Ah!
09:53Ah!
09:54Ah!
09:55Ah!
09:56Ah!
09:57Ah!
09:58Ah!
09:59Ah!
10:00Ah!
10:01Ah!
10:02Ah!
10:03Ah!
10:04Ah!
10:05Ah!
10:06Ah!
10:07Ah!
10:08I mean, I want you to keep your tinfoil on. I don't want you to see what I'm about to do.
10:13Hey, Mombees, you're about to get unsubscribed.
10:24You've all been disconnected.
10:32Yeah, I think I know that nun. Yeah, she's teaching me at school.
10:35Oh, I don't want my sis.
10:37Oh, no, that's okay. She was really mean.
10:39Yeah, she looks mean.
10:40Okay, we should go back to our place. Let's go.
10:52Everybody's reaching a billion points faster than I thought.
10:54Okay, let's barricade all the doors.
10:56I'll take the rest of the house.
11:00Did you know that, on average, 80% of normal domestic couches are covered in human skin, dried saliva and wet fetal matter?
11:07Why would you tell me this?
11:09Any recruiters outside?
11:12Okay, we start off the side door first.
11:14That way nothing can get in.
11:16We're out.
11:16Bro, again, why?
11:19Hang on.
11:20Where's her no more?
11:22Lucy!
11:25Lucy!
11:27Lucy!
11:27Lucy!
11:27Just knocked the phone out of her hand.
11:33We tried that with Mrs. S and she died.
11:36No, no.
11:38My little girl's a mombie.
11:42I'm sorry, honey.
11:44I protected you from evil refrigerators and robot real estate agents and after all that I couldn't even protect you from a stupid mobile phone.
11:51A bit more.
11:55A bit more.
11:59Aaaaaah!
12:02Go, go, go, go, go!
12:05Okay.
12:07We're safe.
12:08Anyone never comes in here.
12:09She reckons it gives her anxiety.
12:11Yeah, I don't think I've ever been in this room.
12:13Yeah, this is basically where we keep all the stuff that we never use.
12:16It's our, uh, stuff room.
12:18Hey, I gave you that selfie stick for your birthday.
12:21Ah, stuff and some really precious, meaningful things that we use all the time.
12:30It's still gift wrapped.
12:35Hey, that's the swindles that I gave you for Christmas.
12:37I can't believe this.
12:38No, no, no, not my guitar.
12:39Here.
12:46I can't do it.
12:49I can't.
12:50I can't do this.
12:51It's such a beautiful instrument.
12:52This guitar was built for sweet melodies, not for violence.
12:55I don't think this is the time for tunes, Warren.
12:57This is anymore's favourite.
12:58Woo!
12:58Woo!
12:58Woo!
12:59Woo!
12:59Woo!
13:00Woo!
13:00Woo!
13:00Woo!
13:00Woo!
13:01Woo!
13:01Woo!
13:02Woo!
13:03Woo!
13:04Woo!
13:05Woo!
13:06Woo!
13:07Woo!
13:08Woo!
13:09Woo!
13:10Woo!
13:11Woo!
13:12Woo!
13:13Woo!
13:14Woo!
13:15Woo!
13:16Woo!
13:16Woo!
13:16Woo!
13:16Warren.
13:17Ite tau.
13:18You're you again.
13:19You're you again.
13:20Woo!
13:21Woo!
13:22Dad?
13:22Mum!
13:23Mum!
13:24Woo!
13:25Woo!
13:26Oh!
13:27Oh!
13:28Your song.
13:29It slipped me out of it.
13:31Normally you'll sing like first season of Glee Level Cringe, but this time, it kinda worked.
13:37Harmonic disruption.
13:39Yes!
13:40A classic Māori three chord strum must disrupt the brain and sever the link to the phone.
13:45Dad, you found the cure!
13:46You know like my uncle Te Weirangi always says, if a guitar can't fix it, you're not playing
13:49it loud enough.
13:50Dad, if we weaponize your cringe, we could sort this whole mambi mess.
13:55I won't.
13:57Let's give it a bash then.
13:59Ata hi rua.
14:00At a hirua, at a hirua toru fa.
14:02Pamai tore aroha.
14:05At the hakitapa, orro toru ha.
14:08Henkaiwi, henkaiwi o daro ha.
14:12Haere mai, haere mai, haere mai.
14:14I'm going to go.
14:16I'm going to go.
14:18I'm going to go.
14:20I'm going to go.
14:22I'm going to go.
14:24Warren! Lucy!
14:26Waza!
14:28I haven't seen you for ages.
14:32How are you, bro?
14:34Oh, that's quite my head.
14:38Why am I so sloshy?
14:40What is that smell?
14:42And where the hell have you two been?
14:44I'll explain later.
14:46Right now, it's time for morioki.
14:48You can't do that all by yourself, dad.
14:50Don't worry.
14:52I'm bringing in the big guns.
14:56Hey, kia ora, auntie.
14:58Oh, Warren, it's been ages up to you.
15:00Is that us, auntie?
15:02Wyatt is on.
15:04Ka pai, the boy's home?
15:06Boy's home.
15:08I'll tell you that today.
15:10I don't see.
15:12Okay, this is a magic.
15:14I'm coming back, sir.
15:16I'm coming back again.
15:18I'm coming back again.
15:20I'm coming back again.
15:22I'm coming back again.
15:24It's been a king in the world.
15:26I'm coming back again.
15:28I'm coming back again.
15:30I am Hangarou, the Maori god of technology, and in my realm, there will be no singing.
15:46Oh my god! I was right! I was right about being a Maori god!
15:52Whoa, whoa, whoa, Taiwa? There's no such thing as the Maori god of technology?
15:55There is now. I was once the god of horticulture, but you stupid mortals had no respect for my realm, so I decided to change.
16:05Ah, you were homey-e-tiki-tiki.
16:07Don't even say that name. My name is Hangarou.
16:11Hey, what did you enslave everybody? Not cool, bro.
16:14I can do what I like. Now you will suffer my wrath.
16:19Are you? Looks like we have to settle this old school way.
16:22Hey, what are you doing? What are you doing?
16:25Come on!
16:26Okay, okay, whoa. No need for a full-on Haka, bro. Just, uh, give me a second.
16:42Please be only. Please be only.
16:43Please be only.
16:44Please be only.
16:44Please be only.
16:44Please be only.
16:52Ah, kia ora. So you're not even an Atua at all, are you?
17:01Nah, nah, nah, nah.
17:03Cool, cool, cool. So what's with the gigantic floating head?
17:06Oh, you know, I kind of just, uh, kind of just got bored one day.
17:09You know, I didn't know everyone was going to get addicted to my game, so...
17:12Your game?
17:12Yeah, whanifam. I made it. You know, I used to study horti culture, but, uh, you know,
17:19it turns out the pollen from the grass would give me a rash on my...
17:22Yeah.
17:23So, uh, I switched over to computer studies, you know, made a game, and, you know, next thing
17:29I'm like a billionaire, and next minute everyone's getting addicted to my game and turning into
17:33these, these zombies. Well, I didn't know how to fix it, so I kind of just, um...
17:37Built a giant head and flew around in it, pretending to be a Natawa?
17:40Yeah, yeah, pretty much, eh? Yeah, you know, us billionaires always doing some crazy shows.
17:44You have to make this right.
17:45Yeah, okay, chill, chill, sis. Now that I know that your song's the answer, all I've got
17:51to do is connect to every phone in the world and broadcast it.
17:54Sorry, that's your...
17:55Okay, we'll wait to tahitata.
17:56Let's go.
17:57Let's go.
17:58Let's go.
17:59Let's go.
18:00Let's go.
18:01Let's go.
18:02Let's go.
18:03Let's go.
18:04Let's go.
18:34Oh hey Phil, you all good?
18:38Hey, thought I'd come and check on everyone. There's been some weird goings on since the wake up.
18:44Like what?
18:45Anyone else got a real burny mouth, like super burny?
18:49Feels like mine's on fire. I've got like sore guts.
18:52It's coming out of me like iced tea, man.
18:54My bottom's red raw.
18:56Pulled my cheeks apart in the mirror and looked like a sliced cap.
18:5924-7 I'm paintballing my shorts. My lips are like this.
19:04You want to join us for a feed Phil? There's plenty of kai to go around.
19:07Oh thanks man, that's kind of you.
19:10I see you've gone with the standard bacon.
19:13I myself usually get the honey cured bacon at Saskia's.
19:17It's a little bit more expensive but...
19:20Yeah, all good, all good.
19:22I just say to myself, oh you're worth it Phil.
19:26How about some saucer there Phil?
19:29Yep, okay.
19:30Well, I guess all's well that ends well.
19:33Hey babe.
19:35Warren, are there something I need to talk to you about?
19:40Oh, okay.
19:41Actually that...
19:43Something we need to talk to you about.
19:47Oh!
19:48Oh!
19:49Oh!
19:50Oh wow, you don't muck around do you Mas?
19:53What?
19:54We waited officially till you were declared dead before we got married.
19:58Yeah, out of respect.
19:59I guess I should have seen the signs eh?
20:02Congratulations to you both.
20:03I'm glad you found happiness in each other.
20:04Really?
20:05Yeah.
20:06Hey Lucy.
20:07Yeah.
20:08Congratulations mum.
20:09And you too uncle Murray.
20:10Oh, dad number two.
20:11Yeah, that's not happening.
20:12Dad two?
20:13Don't push it.
20:14Hey uh, we're just gonna go grab something from the tool shed.
20:20Love yous.
20:21Dad number two?
20:22Oh no, it just came to me.
20:23Dad number two?
20:24Oh no, it just came to me.
20:25Oh no, it just came to me.
20:27Oh no, it just came to me.
20:29Yeah, that's not happening.
20:30Dad two?
20:31Don't push it.
20:32Hey uh, we're just gonna go grab something from the tool shed.
20:35Dad number two?
20:36Oh no, it just came to me.
20:40I know I should be ho-ha, but I'm just happy and they're happy, you know?
20:55You're not angry because that isn't your hine.
20:58Do you think my hine mo will wait for me?
21:02Yeah, she's waiting.
21:05Because the best duets always need both voices.
21:09Coming up next on the Cheesy Cheese channel, the best duets always need both voices.
21:17Shut up!
21:18Let's go.
21:19Were you actually being serious?
21:20Yeah, no.
21:21Aww.
21:22Did I run an emotional moment for you?
21:23You know, I don't want to say something nice to you anymore.
21:25Aww.
21:26The best duets always need both voices.
21:30Oh great, this definitely isn't home.
21:37These definitely aren't our clothes.
21:39We've been undressed and redressed without our consent.
21:42Who?
21:43How is that even possible?
21:44Different undies.
21:45These ones have got an action gusset.
21:47Dad, I don't think testing out your undies is a reason the Vortex brought us here.
21:51It's Mrs Schrodinger.
21:52Why does she keep dying?
21:53This is like the fifth time.
21:54We've landed in some corny murder mystery cosplay.
21:55Oh, Inspector, thank God you're here.
21:56What's happened?
21:57Dad, I think the Vortex wants us to solve a murder.
21:58The Vortex won't let us leave until we find who the real killer is.
22:00Keep Inspector Doyle.
22:01Keep Inspector Doyle.
22:02It's got linear.
22:03You're my boss.
22:04The murderer has to be someone in this room.
22:08The Vortex has to be someone in this room.
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