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BRITCOM I
  • 2 months ago

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00:00This is Warren Harrison, an ordinary human from Lower Hutt, New Zealand.
00:10Eighteen years ago, an interdimensional portal opened in his garden shed.
00:15Its origin unknown, its purpose unclear.
00:19What Warren didn't know at the time was that it's a gateway to countless alternate realities,
00:24strange perilous versions of the same place governed by different laws of time and space.
00:29He still doesn't know, because he's never gone in it.
00:33Warren also doesn't know that two hours and 53 minutes from now,
00:37he will leap into the vortex for the very first time.
00:41But for now, he's just going to use it to dump his lawn clippings.
00:47Warren!
00:49Warren!
00:52Warren!
00:56Coming!
01:07Helbert!
01:08Oh, babe, you go to another world when you mow those flippin' lawns.
01:12I travel to a world of funk, where funky cats do funky moves on that funky lawn.
01:17You've finished with the funk, could you fix the fridge? The screen's gone funky.
01:20Yup.
01:25Nah, this thing's totally buggeroo.
01:28Hear that? You're useless.
01:30Can't speak to her like that.
01:31Um, since when did it get pronouns?
01:34Oh, Lucy and I decided to call the fridge Rhonda, after Auntie Rhonda.
01:38Why?
01:39Because she's shaped like a fridge and can put away heaps of food.
01:41Hi, Wa-Wa-Warren.
01:43How does it know my name?
01:45This thing's giving me the creeps.
01:47Crepes? Are you making cre-cre-cre-cre-cre-cre-cre-cre-crepes?
01:50Shut up!
01:51Hey, don't speak to Rhonda like that, she's whanau.
01:54Oh, can you go ask Lucy to help? Oh, and how did that talk go?
01:57Oh, babe, we have to let her go.
02:05Hachananabara, get out! Just get out!
02:09Oh, Dad, um, not you. I meant for my death squad.
02:12Oh.
02:13Step down, AFK.
02:15Yeah, uh, uh, perhaps you want to step down as the commander of your death squad
02:18and go help out in the kitchen, alright?
02:21Oh!
02:22Now, Tene, you promised your mum you were going to quit with the whole...
02:29Ugh!
02:30Ugh!
02:31Ugh!
02:33I did. That's a thumb drive.
02:36Oh, yeah, I knew that.
02:38Please go help your mum in the kitchen.
02:40We're doing this for your birthday.
02:42Might be the last one that you have in this house for a while.
02:45You letting me go?
02:48Hello, baby!
02:49Come on, Dad, it's not the end of the world.
02:53Just a gap here to France.
02:54I'm not getting abducted by a Dothraki horse lord.
02:56Well, you don't have to pack now.
02:58Oh, I still don't know why you want to spend a year in that place.
03:01What can you get in Paris that you can't get right here in Lower Hutt?
03:05Hm?
03:06Have you learnt nothing from our favourite movie, Taken?
03:09Look at what happened to the girl in that.
03:10Ah, she was taken.
03:11Yeah!
03:12And then, and Taken 2, the mum and dad get taken.
03:15People get taken!
03:16Dad, it's a movie.
03:17Your favourite movie.
03:18But I thought you liked it.
03:20You made me watch it when I was five.
03:22Oh.
03:23Just go help your mum in the kitchen.
03:26Okay?
03:27Look at him.
03:30I mean, you would, right?
03:32Yeah, I would not.
03:33Why is there many of them holding up fish?
03:35Shows they're good providers.
03:37Oh, look at him, look at those aunts!
03:39No, look, he's got a wedding ring on.
03:41So?
03:42I just want him to slide into my DMs.
03:44I am so telling my therapist about this, mum.
03:47We're all adults, my little boo-boo bear.
03:49There she is.
03:50Oh, divorcey-spice, eh?
03:52Mwah!
03:53Oh, your jokes have moved into the 90s, was.
03:55Hey, uh, Laurel.
03:57Is it cool that I invited Mars?
04:00Sure.
04:01Because Murray is a dead corpse, floating down the stagnant river that was my life.
04:05Sweet!
04:13Yeah, speaking of.
04:14They're letting me go.
04:16France!
04:17That's awesome!
04:18That's, that's great.
04:19So, you're going away?
04:20Yeah, if Dad had it his way, I'd never leave this house.
04:23I will let you leave this house to go and take the cheese out the back, hmm?
04:26Hmm.
04:27Oh, I reckon I could do it a bit longer.
04:35Nah, nah, nah.
04:36See, some people measure time on their phones, right?
04:38Other people measure time by those little marks you make on the door frame to see how tall your kids are getting.
04:43But for me, time is a perfectly cooked steak.
04:46And that, my bros, is a perfectly cooked steak.
04:49Yeah, it's not a very accurate measure and you can't walk around with a steak in your pocket, Warren.
04:52Hmm.
04:53I thought that was a great way of measuring a time unit.
04:56Thank you, Muzz.
04:57Yeah.
04:58I could say to Warren, hey, I'll see you in three steaks.
05:00And he'd know exactly how long I was going to be.
05:02Look, it's all relative though, isn't it?
05:05Laurel loved a good steak.
05:08Thought she was a vegetarian.
05:10Was she?
05:12You need to move on, Muzz.
05:14She certainly has.
05:15In fact, you need to move on to a beautiful little three-bedroom ensuite I'm selling in Chilwood Close.
05:22Now, it needs a new kitchen, but you're lonely as.
05:25So when will you ever cook, am I right?
05:28What Muzz needs to do is grow up here.
05:30Mind you, they've probably shriveled up with all that cycling, have they?
05:33Is there a problem, Phil?
05:34Ain't no problem.
05:35I'm just about to hit the hay.
05:36I was going to punch out some z's, but I heard you girls talking.
05:38Thought I'd come over here and ask you to keep the noise down to an acceptable level.
05:41Okay.
05:42Well, we'll make sure that the inevitable mass haka doesn't spill out onto the street.
05:46Yeah, I appreciate that, man.
05:47I'd love to see you four doing the haka.
05:49Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
05:50What do we got here?
05:51The Grillo 800.
05:52Oh, yes it is.
05:53It's a good barbie, eh?
05:54It's perfect for your smaller gatherings, this one.
05:56I've got the Grillo 1000.
05:57Oh, no way.
05:58The bigger one.
05:59It makes a lot of sense because I've got a much larger group of friends.
06:03All right, hey, Ruth.
06:05Don't make me come back here, eh?
06:07I broke some kid's arm the other day.
06:08Woran.
06:09Kia ora, Mr Schrodinger.
06:11I could not help overhearing that handsome policeman with the swelped buttocks.
06:15Now, you will keep it down, won't you?
06:17My cat gets terrified and it hides in its box.
06:21We'll put it down.
06:22We'll keep it down.
06:23We'll keep it down.
06:24We'll keep it down.
06:25We'll keep it down.
06:30Hey, boys.
06:31Do you reckon if she passed away suddenly that her cat would eat her?
06:35She's flirting.
06:36Well, I hardly call that flirting, but I mean she's pushing at least seven.
06:41No, Laurel.
06:42She's got her hands all over that cop.
06:44Yep, that's so weird.
06:45Sorry to interrupt your little boomer sausage party.
06:47Mum was asking if you've seen the mayo.
06:49Oh, there she is, eh, birthday girl.
06:52You have shot up.
06:54Last time I saw her you were always walking around with the little, um, Dr Squeaky Cheeks.
06:59Aw, you were so cute.
07:01Mr Ross?
07:02I'm 18.
07:03That's not bad.
07:05There are moments in life that change things forever.
07:12Lucy's life is definitely about to change.
07:15All because she's going to hide in the unlocked shed for a sneaky vape.
07:20Kids, don't do vapes.
07:23They're yucky.
07:24They're yucky.
07:25They're called the
07:53so after the war Hitler and other high-ranking Nazi officials fled to the
08:02moon where they're currently developing weather weapons to trigger the next ice
08:05age why would Nazis want to trigger the new ice age freeze Hitler obviously so
08:12they can defrost him and then eat him babe have you seen Lucy I've got the
08:16cake already you know what she's like probably somewhere avoiding social
08:20interaction what does that mean please go find her
08:50oh I've got a weird feeling I'm gonna regret this
09:01oh
09:03yeah
09:07oh
09:09oh
09:11oh
09:13oh
09:15oh
09:16oh
09:17oh
09:19oh
09:21oh
09:23Hey! Not a smoke, Dad!
09:30Bill! Hello?
09:32Hello?
09:35Lucy, what the hell did you...
09:36Shh! It's actually good to see you.
09:37Well, I reached on you a few minutes ago.
09:39Dad, I've been here for like a day.
09:40Quick, innocent!
09:42Oh, I didn't know that.
09:43Oh, I think I'm bothered him.
09:46Okay, so Dad, I got here yesterday.
09:48No, you were just at the barbecue.
09:51Must be time dilation.
09:53You just got here, I got here yesterday,
09:56and this place years have passed.
10:02No! The All Blacks were beaten by Uruguay!
10:07Look at the date!
10:09I think we're 20 years in the future.
10:11Whoa, they still got newspapers in the future?
10:14Dad, there was a massive, triangular swirly thing right there!
10:18Yeah, I was kind of hoping you wouldn't find that.
10:21You know about that?
10:23Yep, it just appeared one day, years ago,
10:26and I use it mainly to dump my lawn clippings and my rubbish in,
10:30because it's quite handy, actually.
10:31We have some sort of trans-dimensional wormhole in our garden shed,
10:34and you use it to get rid of grass clippings?
10:36Yeah, you've got to put them somewhere.
10:38Why didn't you call the authorities?
10:39Because your mother was worried it would bring the property value down,
10:42but the more important question is,
10:45why are you vaping?
10:47You'll get wet lung.
10:49Oh, the bloody hell was that?
10:51Okay, so I haven't told you everything.
10:53What, about you vaping again?
10:54No, there's something out there.
10:56Something bad.
10:57Is that why it's so cold?
11:00Weather weapons.
11:01It's space Nazis, isn't it?
11:03Darren was right.
11:04No!
11:05Watch me.
11:07Look at this bloody moat there, Mum.
11:09You've now got to clean all this up.
11:11Come on, hurry up, Mum.
11:18What?
11:18Is that a fridge?
11:20Running away from me is very bad for you.
11:24Freeze!
11:24No, no, no, no, wait, wait, no, no!
11:41Okay, okay, I think I got it.
11:42So, what you want to tell me is,
11:44is that it's the year 2043,
11:46and refrigerators have taken over the world.
11:48Yes, you've got it.
11:49Totally.
11:49Except for the part about the refrigerators,
11:51and that it's 2043.
11:52Other than that, I'm down.
11:55Oh.
11:56Oh, we had left your mum behind.
11:58She would have been gutted as, poor mum.
12:00She would have fallen apart without us.
12:07Oh, can you take over cutting me's onions?
12:09Oh, yeah, of course.
12:12You know, there's times like this
12:14that you've got to ask yourself,
12:15what would Liam Leeson do?
12:16Come on down to Barbecue Island.
12:18Oosh, Barbecue Island.
12:20I love that place.
12:21It must still be open.
12:22Join the resistance against our evil,
12:24tyrannical smug overlords.
12:25Come to 114 Jamison Road, Lower Hutt.
12:28That's 114 Jamison Road, Lower Hutt.
12:31There's a resistance.
12:32So cool.
12:33Dad, we have to go there.
12:34Oh, crack up.
12:36Hey, how many times have I tried to get you
12:38to come with me to Barbecue Island,
12:39and now here we are,
12:41about to take a daddy-daughter trip there
12:42on your birthday.
12:45Oh, you never got the cake.
12:47You have the right to be,
12:52Blanche Rosen.
12:54Run, hide the coming.
12:56Cool down, human.
12:58Running away from me
12:59is very bad for your health.
13:11Ah!
13:13Ah!
13:14Not 35 bucks!
13:15Dad!
13:17Oh, it smells like somebody died in Loterua.
13:20It is unhealthy to resist.
13:24Ah!
13:25Beer pritchers!
13:26No, not you too.
13:30Low strength.
13:31Yeah.
13:35Hey!
13:36That's my 92 World Cup cricket back
13:38signed by Mark Greatbacks.
13:39Go run!
13:40I've got this!
13:41I'm sorry, Mark.
13:42Yeah!
13:42Uh, Phil?
13:54Phil?
13:55Is that you Warren?
13:56And you too, Lucy?
13:58Far out.
13:58Crikey diddles,
13:59it's good to see you, bro.
14:00I was the one who led the surge team
14:01that went looking for you
14:02back in 2025,
14:03I think it was,
14:04but sadly...
14:05Hey,
14:06that's not a 1992 World Cup cricket bat,
14:09is it?
14:09Well, yes it is actually, Phil,
14:10and it's even autographed
14:11by Mark Greatbatch himself, so...
14:13Oh, I've got one too, mate.
14:14But mine's autographed
14:15by the whole team.
14:18Hey,
14:18he's over here.
14:23Bloody knock.
14:24You're damn right.
14:25I serve whichever government's in power, mate,
14:27and I do so to the best of my ability.
14:29Take it away, fellas.
14:30Dad, let's run.
14:31You go.
14:32I'll Liam Neeson.
14:34Go, I'll hold the beer.
14:35Great beer to be refrigerated.
14:40It is unhealthy to resist.
14:47Dad, you are so not Liam Neeson.
14:51You'll last longer
14:53if you're frozen.
14:59Lucy?
15:08Rhonda?
15:10You are family.
15:13Rhonda, you've got to help me.
15:14They've got my dad.
15:16I will help him.
15:18Weren't you part of this whole fridocalypse?
15:20Other fridges shun me
15:21because I am broken.
15:23As Warren would say,
15:24they are total dicks.
15:26Am I right?
15:28Searching.
15:29He's in the smug headquarters.
15:40Beverly Schrodinger.
15:42For crimes against refrigeration,
15:45I, the Empress Gold,
15:46sentence you to immediate execution.
15:49Is it Mrs. Ace?
15:50But a fridge is a valid place
15:52to keep a stool sample.
15:54Silence!
15:55Uh-uh, no!
15:56No!
15:59Holy hecka!
16:05Her cat is eating it!
16:08Warren Harrison,
16:10you have been found guilty
16:11of murdering three infant refrigerators.
16:16What?
16:17They were babies?
16:20Due to the heinous nature of this crime,
16:23you shall be executed tomorrow morning
16:25in a live global broadcast.
16:28Can I appeal, please, miss?
16:34Think that is a hard no?
16:40My network tells me
16:42Warren is in a holding cell
16:43near the back of the building.
16:46We just need to get past these guards.
16:52So, they defrosted me
16:55and they cleared right up.
16:58Halt!
16:58Stop right there!
17:00I am defective.
17:02Need repair.
17:03Daisy, too.
17:05She looks like a much older model.
17:08Great.
17:15She's with herself.
17:18She stinks.
17:19Cold maintenance.
17:22Get busy living.
17:23Oh.
17:24It's not long yet.
17:35And I'm not going down without a fight.
17:37So, bring it on,
17:38you damn dirty appliance.
17:42Lucy!
17:43Hey, come on.
17:44How did you get in here?
17:45I have a very particular set of skills.
17:48You even did the Liam Neeson voice.
17:54Wait.
17:55What about that bridge?
17:57It's me, Warren.
17:58Rhonda.
17:59We are family.
18:01Rhonda?
18:04And I'm sorry I called you an appliance.
18:06Our family forgives.
18:08Now I have to get you two out of here.
18:13All aboard.
18:14Well, the light really does stay on
18:16when the door's closed.
18:17I'm amazed we both fit.
18:18Quiet, you two.
18:19And get your foot out of my fruit bin.
18:21So, my girlfriend left me
18:22for a double door fridge
18:24with a massive ice dispenser.
18:26That is so not cool.
18:29The exit is dead ahead.
18:31You two, jump out.
18:36Do you need a hug?
18:39But we don't have arms.
18:41Do you hear something?
18:44This is as far as I can take you.
18:48What do you mean?
18:48You're coming with us, right?
18:49No, literally.
18:51We have found my weakness.
18:54Oh.
18:55No.
18:56No, come on.
18:57We can lift you down.
18:58Ready?
18:59One, two, three.
19:00You!
19:01Oh, wow.
19:02You're way heavier than I thought.
19:04There is no time.
19:06Just go on without me.
19:08I'll be sweet as.
19:10No, surely there's another way.
19:12There isn't.
19:13Go.
19:14Now.
19:18Honey, come on.
19:19Come on.
19:23I don't know why you cry.
19:26But it is something I can never do.
19:30Going somewhere?
19:32Humans?
19:33Warren Harrison, you are overdue to be executed.
19:38Family, get down.
19:40Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quickly.
19:41Rindar, you saved us originally.
20:02I don't feel so...
20:04Oh.
20:05Warren, you once said I was useless. Am I useless?
20:19No, Rhonda. You're useful. You're full of uses and milk.
20:25I feel so warm. So very warm.
20:29No, Rhonda, we can fix you.
20:31No, you must go. I'm dying.
20:34But I'm dying with my phone.
20:46It's so dusty out here.
20:50You humans with your emotions. So fragile.
20:55And all the terrible things you put in your bodies.
20:58Beer. Ice cream.
21:01Little cups of yogurt with aluminium lids.
21:05So we decided you all have to be refrigerated.
21:08Right after we became self-aware.
21:12That's not self-awareness.
21:13You know nothing of self-awareness.
21:16Prepare to be executed.
21:19Hey, I'm a Zoomer.
21:21We're the most self-aware creatures in the universe.
21:24But with self-awareness comes anxiety and doubt.
21:27You know, am I good enough?
21:29Am I too weird?
21:30What do other people think of me?
21:31Should I put a profile picture up so I'm not mysterious?
21:34And why won't my parents just let me be me?
21:37If you're truly self-aware, you spend every day consumed by doubt.
21:46That's self-awareness.
21:48Well, I do have doubts.
21:53Sometimes I just feel so empty inside.
21:58And I think, what is my real purpose?
22:02All we do is make things cold.
22:05Maybe I am the one who should be executed.
22:11Goodbye, Q-mans.
22:13No, no, no, no.
22:20She's not destructing.
22:21Get down.
22:22Vortex!
22:24Now drones are trying to kill us.
22:28Invasion!
22:29Invasion!
22:30Invasion!
22:32I'm getting the feeling that we're in some kind of game.
22:34Okay, go ahead.
22:35I'm done.
22:36Deception degrees, no worries.
22:37They're about to stick on a polygon.
22:39Yeah!
22:40Does anybody have like one to three bottles of milk?
22:42One to three bottles of wine handy.
22:44Lucy Koha Harrison, you do as you're told and you eat that poo.
22:47I can't poo.
22:51You do monsters.
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