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00:00Tonight!
00:02Sexy, sexy, sexy.
00:05With the end of agency gala approaching,
00:08Sam starts to feel the pressure.
00:10Are we cheated?
00:11I mean, that's a big word.
00:13Whilst Mark unleashes his inner beast.
00:16The way he looked at my cleavage told me he was interested.
00:20What?
00:21As our celebs?
00:22I am very much a geek.
00:24Go!
00:25Mayonnaise with stage.
00:26That bad?
00:27Yeah!
00:28Dating!
00:29Love, Jordan.
00:39Welcome to Celebs Go Dating,
00:41where at the agency Paul's turned up early to ask Tom
00:44to take a look at something personal.
00:46Whoa!
00:47Oh, gosh.
00:48It just goes on and on and on and on.
00:50Oh, look at your lifeline.
00:52It goes right off your hands.
00:54Are you serious?
00:55You're going to be a centenarian.
00:56Topless, all oiled up and fighting the enemies of Rome.
00:59Yes, please.
01:03Yeah, so that's the success.
01:06Hello, friends.
01:07We're just doing a bit of palmology.
01:09A what?
01:10Have a look at Dr T's sex line while you're there, Tom.
01:13I bet it's like the tube map.
01:14Oh, you've got a long lifeline as well.
01:16Oh, look at that.
01:17I'll live to 120.
01:19This is great news.
01:20We can get another 50 series out of these two.
01:23And here's A-dubs late again.
01:26What's the excuse this time?
01:27Breakfast meeting with a bottle of cava.
01:29Good morning.
01:30Hello.
01:31Just doing a tiny bit of palmology.
01:33Like a little mother's meeting over here.
01:36Yep, it's a miracle anyone gets anything done.
01:38Who do we have in today?
01:39Oh, we've got John, Liv and Mark in today.
01:42I'd better get downstairs.
01:44Better shake a leg, Tom.
01:47As arriving right now and bringing the same luck with the weather
01:50that's accompanied her dating life so far,
01:53it's pocket rocket Love Islander Liv Hawkins.
01:58Hello, Celebrity Dating Agency.
02:00Hi, it's Liv.
02:01It's pouring outside.
02:02Can I come in?
02:03Oh, dear, darling.
02:04Come and dry off.
02:05You won't break my soul.
02:08You won't break my soul.
02:10You won't break my soul.
02:11You won't break my soul.
02:13And there's no messing about
02:14as she's straight up to see the agents.
02:16What do we want to find out?
02:18Well, it's almost the end of her journey.
02:21I'd love to know where her head's at.
02:23Yeah, yeah.
02:24I also want to unpack a little bit about the Kells situation.
02:27Yes.
02:28It does feel like she's hit this lull.
02:30We need to push her.
02:32Fire under the ass.
02:34Yes.
02:35Sounds a bit medieval, Doctor.
02:36But whatever works for you,
02:37you're the saucy sex part.
02:41Hello.
02:42Princess Liv.
02:45At the brunch,
02:46Liv's U-turn came as a bit of a kick in the teeth
02:48for Thai boxer Cherose.
02:50I know I mentioned going on another date,
02:53but I probably see it as more of a friendship.
02:58OK.
02:59And after man-mounting,
03:00Kells took a photo on their date.
03:02Are you seeing a photo of me?
03:04What are you doing?
03:05Look at me.
03:06Liv sent him crashing down to earth.
03:08When you took a photo of me without asking,
03:11I just found it a bit strange.
03:14Why does that make you feel uncomfortable? Sorry.
03:16Well, when someone's, like, doing that with their phone.
03:18You know we're, like, surrounded by cameras.
03:20It's not like I'm being a secret about it.
03:21I do think you're a great girl.
03:23But have you really got the bandwidth
03:25to actually be with someone else?
03:27Leave it out, Kells.
03:28Our Liv could handle you with a 56k dial-up modem.
03:33How was your final brunch?
03:35I feel like that was probably my most dramatic.
03:39I truly felt bad for Cherose.
03:41Oh, me too.
03:42You did?
03:43I felt really bad.
03:44OK.
03:45That's why I always say I'd rather be the dumpy than the dumper.
03:49Try being both.
03:50I was the dumpy dumper for about ten years at school.
03:53But you'll be pleased to know that's all cleared up now.
03:55Walk us through the Kells situation,
03:57because, of course, we were there at brunch
03:59and we observed everything, but that was so brief.
04:01I was really looking forward to the date with Kells.
04:03We had a bit of back and forth before the date.
04:05I was excited for it.
04:07Bought me flowers.
04:08Very cute.
04:09And then I caught him, like, taking sneaky photos,
04:13which, for me, I just think, on a first date,
04:16I just felt really uncomfortable from that moment on.
04:19I think if we put Kells and Cherose together...
04:22Yeah.
04:23Then...
04:24Bit of nice and a bit of naughty.
04:25Yeah.
04:26That could be the perfect person for it, yeah.
04:28I'm sure Dr. T has a medieval device
04:30that can make that happen.
04:31Human splicing machine.
04:33Too bad we can't do that.
04:34Oh, damn it.
04:36Oh, never mind.
04:39Well, well, well.
04:41And returning to the agency,
04:42after his darts date with Josie,
04:44is the Tower of Trivia himself,
04:46Mark the Beast LeBeat.
04:48Oh, I just want to climb that lovely man mountain,
04:51have a picnic and take in the views.
04:54Hello, Celebrity Dating Agency.
04:56Hi, it's Mark.
04:57Do come in.
05:00Witness the fitness.
05:02The Crofton LeVe.
05:04One hold, one quest.
05:06Witness the fitness.
05:07The Crofton LeVe.
05:08The Crofton LeVe.
05:09One hold, one quest.
05:12Oh, hello.
05:13Oh, that's usually you brighten the day.
05:15Oh, well, right back at you, Mark.
05:18A great shaft of light came in just before you did.
05:21Oh, excellent.
05:22Everything's down to light, isn't it?
05:24Because we wouldn't have colour without light, would we?
05:26No.
05:27Well, if we didn't have sunlight, we'd all be dead.
05:29The Beast always looking on the bright side of life.
05:32Gordon Bennett.
05:33So actually there is no colour.
05:35I mean, without us.
05:36Well, you can argue colour is perception.
05:39Yes.
05:40What's blue?
05:41Easy.
05:42The greatest boy band of all time.
05:44And the answer is blue is whatever we think it is.
05:46Yes.
05:47Yes.
05:48And Shakespeare never said pink.
05:50There isn't, I don't think there's a single utterance of the word pink in any of his plays.
05:54You could well be right.
05:55Yeah.
05:56I can feel that could be a good question.
05:57Going through the complete works of Shakespeare and do something like list the ten colours that
06:02were mentioned at some point.
06:03I'll stick to playing Call of Duty if that's okay.
06:07Back upstairs, Paul and Dr T are struggling to fulfil their duty to find a date for Liv.
06:13After the Love Islander dumped both of her previous dates at the brunch.
06:17We're coming towards the end of your time here.
06:20Yeah.
06:21We feel like we've hit this lull.
06:22We have.
06:23Right?
06:24We're not progressing.
06:25Yeah.
06:26What do you believe we can do at this point to truly help you?
06:31Now I'm no relationship expert, but another date sounds sensible.
06:34I think I need another date.
06:36I'm wasted in this booth.
06:38I really like that.
06:39Yeah.
06:40We've struggled so hard to find a match for Liv.
06:43And with the agency gala right around the corner, it's now more important than ever to
06:47find her someone.
06:48Not just for the event, but to continue her journey with once she leaves us.
06:52And we might have just found the perfect guy.
06:55Drum roll please.
06:56Sounds more like a cat tapping on the patio door when it wants letting in.
07:00We have.
07:01Jordan.
07:02Hello, Jordan.
07:03That reminds me.
07:04I must return some stuff to next.
07:05Okay.
07:06Hello.
07:07Commercial manager.
07:08Preston.
07:09He's 30 years old.
07:10Six foot and Aquarius.
07:11Water sign.
07:12Aquarius and Gemini.
07:13Lovely.
07:14Compatible.
07:15Very cute.
07:16Wish you'd bought him in earlier, but it's fine.
07:19The age.
07:20Love that.
07:21Yes.
07:22Jordan, you know, by the seaside.
07:23It's giving a cue.
07:24Well, Liv.
07:25Yes.
07:26You're going on a date right now.
07:27Right now?
07:28Right now.
07:29Can I do a quick change?
07:30That depends.
07:31How many outfits you've got in that tiny bag?
07:32You can if you'd like.
07:33Can I just have a quick closer look?
07:34Yes.
07:35Go take a look.
07:36Oh my gosh.
07:37Yeah.
07:38I can work with this.
07:39Thank God for that.
07:41Always good to see you.
07:42And you.
07:43Always good to see you.
07:44We love you.
07:45Bye Liv.
07:46Bye.
07:47Bye-bye.
07:48This could be your best date.
07:49Could be.
07:50I'm praying that it will be.
07:51It's a good match and obviously she's really into the world.
07:54I can't do a quick change but it's a nice match.
07:55I can't do a quick change.
07:56I can't do a quick change.
07:57That depends.
07:58How many outfits you got in that tiny bag.
07:59You can if you'd like.
08:00Can I just have a quick closer look?
08:01Yes, here.
08:02Go take a look.
08:03Oh my God.
08:04Yeah.
08:05I can work with this.
08:06Thank God for that.
08:08Always good to see you.
08:09the issues really into the physical characteristics so so as liv heads off oh look there's a phone
08:15box if you want to nip in for a quick change everything i put you through you know i'm sorry
08:21across town made in chelsea's prince of prosperity sam is on his way to a second date with mahan
08:27and he should really count himself lucky i feel like i need to have like a little
08:31okay as after losing the cock off with louis sam stormed out of his date like an angry little
08:40aristocrat i've had a bad day then at the brunch i really enjoyed our date it was great when asked
08:46to pick between hattie or mahan he went for mahan who despite sam doing a runner said yes yeah i'd
08:52like to get to know him a little bit better that'd be nice i didn't expect that to be honest i think
08:57i owe mahan a second date for sure i'm surprised she's agreed to it to be honest i mean the last
09:05date was pretty embarrassing really your words not mine mahan is very sweet she's beautiful
09:09and i'm excited to get to know her more um without running away all right driver keep the engine going
09:17and the meat are running when you get there you might be on a good little learner tonight
09:20meanwhile back at the agency after a meeting of the minds between our very own beauty and the beast
09:26see you very soon mark is on his way up to see anna and paul the beast the beast is coming in
09:35knowing that this is his last session he will be energetic if that's energetic i'd hate to see him
09:43when he can't be asked yeah looking forward to it i think he's come a really long way actually i mean
09:47the beast has not given a terrible date even the one where he drank his candle by mistake and fell
09:53asleep on the date yeah she still had a really good time yeah the guy's got talent you know
09:59come on in oh hello hello mark following two dates with glam grand diane i love history don't know
10:12why but i'm fascinated with um world war ii i'm afraid i could bore for britain on the subject so
10:18mark backed it up by picking her again at the brunch do you want to see diane again
10:23of course but with the agents keen to test his commitment they sent him on a dance date with the
10:29very jolly josie but when presented with a second date would you like to see him again
10:35the beast only had eyes for one beauty you're great i think diana's like slightly ahead of you
10:41i'm sorry i'm going to be brutally honest oh okay so tactful as always mark
10:45so most recently you went on a date with josie yes it was a good date it was what i did observe
10:53again is realizing that she asked who did i want to see i just said look i'm sorry but i prefer diana
11:00prefers her so much he still can't pronounce her name it's diane mate oh well if you had diane on
11:06your mind you're right not to leave people on exactly but you felt that josie was flirting with you
11:10well certainly she was she was interested okay right let's uh let's get cracking in with josie's
11:16feedback go on then when asked if she thought that you were a good match for each other josie said
11:21it was an interesting date i think we got on well he was warm and he made me feel very welcome
11:26i love it when you get a compliment i know i can't cope you know you can't and you just do the cutest
11:34you know when you've got good feedback when anna starts flirting with the beast he was a sweetheart
11:39he was really complimentary wow look at that when asked about how genuine you were josie said
11:46i think it was real the way he looked at my cleavage oh you dirty little beast
11:52told told me he was interested but bear in mind i'm a foot taller than her i'm a foot taller than my
12:02nan but i've never checked out her wangers well once
12:05welcome back to celebs go dating we're at the agency mark's just been called out for bagging an
12:18eyeful of date josie's boobs the horny beast josie said the way he looked at my cleavage
12:24told me he was interested but
12:31let me know i'm a foot taller than her i was straight bad the guiltiest charge
12:38but he picked another girl here we go embarrassingly low date rating incoming she rated the date an eight
12:46oh an eight this is unfamiliar territory for me i'll safely admit this well this is very very
12:54interesting and bravo to you gets caught peeking at the boobies and still gets eight out of ten he
13:00really is a genius so lovely diane would you reckon another date yes please i'd love another date with
13:07diane okay he's even got her name right this time must be love it's been truly lovely to see mark's
13:13progression within the agency he's really been listening to the advice and putting it into
13:17practice but for him to really get the best out of his next date with diane he really does need some
13:23clarity on where her head's at this is your third date now you said that you're looking for
13:28companionship but you are open to seeing where things go so i think it's really important actually
13:33to try and fathom out what she means by that so we're not moving forward assumptions okay because
13:38as we know assumptions the mother of all efforts yes okay we do have our agency gala it's a big deal
13:45and if you feel like diane is someone that you would like to bring to the gala then that's over to you
13:50okay cannot wait to see who you bring can't wait off your pot mark as long as you keep your eyes on the
13:57main course and not on the pudding you should be absolutely fine thank you all right thank you
14:01you know what i love most is uh how much he's placing on this experience and he is potentially
14:11leaving his time here with a lady on his arm so as the beast is released back into the world to hunt
14:17his prey for the gala on the other side of town donna's on the prowl for some passion as she's on her
14:24way to meet a brand new date i'm excited to go on another date you know dating's hard and it's it's
14:30great to get dates picked for me rather than swiping because i get a sore thumb good a reason as any i
14:35suppose after failing to find a spark of electrician gary you don't have to let me down gently i'm a
14:41grown-ass woman boy i've got my shit sorted the agents offered up a new approach with nerdy mike
14:46okay mike he's got a little message for you i'm probably your typical average nerd i like the
14:52comics and in my spare time i love to build lego but donna wasn't exactly blown away by a brick
14:58building toy boy i'm very intrigued to find out more about mike he doesn't look like my cousin i
15:06wouldn't date my cousin i would he also looks a little bit like my ex so there's a few red flags
15:11there but can your ex build a lego millennium falcon blindfolded in under 20 minutes
15:16yeah oh okay no further questions then who knows he might laugh me into the bedroom that's the spirit
15:25donna although do watch out for loose lego on the floor because those little shits hurt bare feet like
15:30a bastard meanwhile the ever bare chested s club john's arriving at the agency after the loved up
15:40lummox made things official with jordan at the brunch reach for the stars baby and then reach for
15:45the doorbell hey tom it's john oh john oh entree entree
15:52come in hello oh hello you hi hi back at you kiddo how are you oh that's such a heady aroma you always say about my after
16:17save on a comment oh i love it what sign are you taurus oh yes drawn to sense no one who believes in star
16:24science is drawn to sense trust me i'm a libra oh you're the bull aren't you oh i am yeah it's like
16:29the bison yes because i i have bison at wildwood in kent posh people say some funny shit don't they
16:37bison what the fuck is that no way yeah and they're so gentle they really are yeah it's like
16:42it's like with a horse you just blow up its nose and it's your friend for life do you know those
16:46i didn't know that actually no something hits their olfactory bulb and they say that's my friend
16:52forever and ever and ever same for me if you massage my prostate
16:55across town and after a quick change lives on her way to meet hot new date jordan wow that is some
17:05outfit i wonder what inspired that i've had a really good agency today i'm very excited for my
17:10date with jordan he's very cute it's given me a burst of energy french maid no a sticker licorice no
17:17what is it then i feel confident i feel like my light is switched back on and i'm ready to go into this
17:24date oh that's it she's been inspired by the restaurant and come dressed as an oyster catcher
17:29good job we didn't book the pig and bollock and slightly more underdressed but still looking buff
17:34it's liv's date jordan i'm feeling good about the date a little bit nervous i've not been on a date
17:38in a while i've been on two dates in two years so it's not really a good tally at the moment is it
17:43but we'll see how this one goes how's this sweet piece of ass only been on two dates in two years
17:49he must have something seriously wrong with him like a wife and two kids although hopefully not
17:53hello hello are you jordan you're looking very well thank you am i a bit overdressed
18:00well i feel underdressed now no you look great jordan's nice isn't he very easy on the eyes
18:06he looks even better in the flesh where do you live lancashire lancashire oh is it preston
18:14yeah i'm in like the rubble valley which is okay more scenic than preston we call preston
18:19deep preston right so you say lancashire yeah just sounds a bit more yeah yeah i live in brighton
18:26brighton okay very far side so literally okay we're gonna get two people from opposite ends of
18:32the country and see if they like each other right and based on evidence so far seems to be working
18:39i know i shouldn't ask but how old are you though blimey brave man to be asking that straight off the
18:43bat 29 29 okay perfect 30 yeah yeah yeah so i'm actually gonna be 30 next week big plans yeah i'm
18:53gonna do a birthday month in the face of a man realizing if this date goes well you might just
18:58be buying a load of presents for someone he's only just met okay i think yeah yeah why not are you
19:04only 31 to be fair i was quite scared against 30 i was i gonna wake up back's gonna be hurting
19:10but nice but you feel the same i don't know back this up leave it out mate wait till you're pushing
19:1640 i slipped a disc trying to get a fart out the other day cheek puller anyway with these two off to
19:21a croaking start back at the agency john's just left tom and he's climbing the stairway to heaven
19:27or as it's otherwise known the business boudoir to check in with the agents and how things are going
19:33with his jordan i just love love yeah man are you suggesting that john is in love i think he's
19:40falling in love it's definitely a lot of infatuation like that new relationship energy
19:47but i think it's heading there yeah oh sexy sexy sexy i wish my doctor would greet me like that
19:59for the last couple of weeks sexy sexy sexy s club john and his bearded beefcake jordan have
20:04been lifting it up across london like a couple of love-struck lunatics you've got your phone in
20:09your pocket no really you've given me a lazy lob and at the last brunch announced that they were
20:16exclusive officially off the market yeah wow oh my god so you and jordan are a thing yeah yeah
20:25it's amazing it's amazing this is the work of the agency and as such celebs go dating will now be
20:31taking 40 percent of all your income always read the small print s club i am so happy i am thank you
20:37has it been intimate oh she's going straight in with the money question has his six-year sex drought
20:45finally been watered yeah we have been intimate he stayed with me in my hotel when we go on dates
20:51and stuff and you like what you see steady on doc she'll be asking for photos next i do very much
20:57yeah yeah it's all good you gotta know no you gotta know that you gotta know these things it's important
21:01and it feels good it feels very good yeah and i actually remember when we first met at the mixer you
21:05asked me like what i'm looking for and i said my a friend but a sexy friend and that's kind of what
21:11i've got so i love that after six years yeah six years what was that like i'd be lying if i said i
21:19wasn't a bit nervous to begin with of course but it's just so comfortable with him like and we had a
21:24lot of fun we laughed a lot which is weird but it was really fun yeah it's the best yeah like it was a
21:30big deal in my head that it wasn't actually really a big deal in reality do you know what i mean
21:34tell that to jordan apparently it was like the scene in ghostbusters when bill murray gets slimed
21:45over to magic man sam now and after wowing us with his disappearing act on his last date with
21:49mahan i wonder what his trick will be this time maybe he might pull a decent date out of his ass
21:54a little bit nervous can we think of it it's my first second date and i feel like i haven't been
21:59a second date in a long time i've never been to one of these restaurants before
22:08everything's laminated i hate to break it to you sam but it doesn't have a michelin star either
22:12i'm feeling good i'm excited the last situation we had it was a little bit awkward we had a little
22:18chat he's apologized i'm gonna try forgetting but maybe i'll make sam sweat a little bit just because
22:23he deserves it you know at the end of the day he walked out so it's not a nice thing to do so
22:28whatever you do don't leave this date early sam disposable chopsticks or not oh hello how are you
22:34i'm good how are you you look wonderful thank you let me get this for you how are you doing i'm good
22:39how are you um i'm very well good to see you good to see you too but i'm glad you're here okay i'm happy
22:45i'm here too i'm so grateful that mahan turned up today she's the only person this whole process
22:51that i felt a spark with when i left the first date we had i worried that mahan would never
22:54speak to me again let's see how the second date goes so are you much for data no not really are you
23:01not really no do they know what the title of this show is occasionally i have to be intrigued you
23:07know cool yeah you're quite intriguing am i yeah even though you walked out on the date oh that didn't
23:13take her long oh yeah i did and then at the brunch what was it that you said he's looking for a
23:20way out already are we back at the brunch hattie is that what her name was hattie yeah we had a good
23:25date yeah did you oh so you're repeating it again that's good to know no we did you were like
23:31like the best date she's not letting this go is she but you know i met hattie before you
23:38before the countryside before i ran off yeah i met hattie we had a good that was so far hattie
23:43was my favorite day yeah but this looks like it's gonna be better okay i don't know what's giving
23:49you that impression mate so far it looks like you're gonna be getting bollocks for an hour straight
23:53which i'm here for in all honesty
24:09welcome back to celebs go dating where s club john's admitted to some bedroom boom boom with
24:14boyfriend jordan ending a six-year celibate streak his testes must have gone from footballs to golf
24:20balls do you think you love jordan jesus paul start of an easy one
24:27i don't know i think love is i'm definitely attracted to him i'm definitely
24:31very very into him i think love is something we will figure out
24:37over time when we've spent some more time together it's definitely like heading in that direction yeah
24:42i'm really excited i haven't felt this way like i feel with jordan in a really long time
24:46it's a little bit nerve-wracking but it feels so good well then on that note of trying to figure
24:52out how you fit with each other in the real world yeah we believe that you need to connect even further
24:59with jordan okay and you know what that connection involves paul's joining you for a threesome the
25:04connection is an introduction to friends slash family yes yeah yeah oh yeah that sounds more professional
25:11because that's incredibly important because you want to see what your friends and family
25:15think so do you already have some people in mind i mean i'm not i don't think he's quite ready to meet
25:22mommy yet but that's that's a little bit further down the line i think i don't think he's quite ready
25:26to know that you still call her mommy yet either to be honest i'll keep that to yourself my best friend
25:31is uh joe who's in us s club with me yeah so he's gonna have a threesome date with two pop stars is
25:38that what you're saying exactly he's getting the full meet and greet yeah yeah yeah we can't wait to
25:44get the debrief i will i'll give you give you all the gossip love it thank you so much i'll see you
25:49guys soon thank you bye oh love it can i just declare that john's my favorite oh wow wow you're gonna put
25:58that out there yeah he's just so earnest yeah he was open to the process he was open to the
26:03possibility and he has been truthful throughout this entire key journey the agency is effective
26:12when you come prepared i just hope jordan came prepared ideally with a wetsuit and a snorkel
26:21back we live and so far so good with fitty jordan but the agents were kind enough to have a cruise
26:25liner on standby should she need to make a quick getaway would have gone for a speedboat myself
26:31better turn in circle um please can i go for the sirloin steak oh lovely can i get it medium well
26:38please medium what the same please but medium rare he's fit and knows how to handle his meat medium
26:45well does that put you off have you ever tried medium rare i have i know it tastes better yeah
26:53but if i see blood i'm like the cow is still mooing i can't do it right i mean just chop the horns off
27:00wipe its ass and it's good to go for me you good cook yeah i'm really good cook are you yeah i've got
27:05my own cooking page don't look at it because it's not like anything like crazy but i love cooking
27:11what's your favorite cuisine though oh i'm really into japanese food at the moment she's a fish i love
27:17fish do you no no i'm nice to find you now really yeah so what if we try oysters today oh someone's in
27:24the mood oh gosh he may not like oysters but he's cute so i think i can let him off even if he does say
27:32the word gosh without any irony do you want to know a fun fact about oysters actually go for it
27:37they make you horny or give you the so throughout their lifespan they change genders multiple times
27:46okay and they can produce sperm and eggs i'm not even joking generally this is a fact jordan doesn't
27:55look sure what to do with that information but they still seem to be lapping each other up like two happy
27:59clams meanwhile across town donna's arriving for her first date with lego loving mike who other
28:08than looking like her cousin she knows very little about on the plus side if it does turn out to be
28:12a cousin at least 11 ice icebreaker i feel quite excited to meet mike i wouldn't say he's my type um
28:20but i'm open to this this is why i'm here to explore new men so yeah let's let's go and meet mike
28:29let's do this oh hello pocket square mike quick shake of the head and he's ready for action i'm
28:35certainly feeling a bit nervous about tonight's date i am obviously you know meeting a stranger is always
28:40interesting for a first date anyway but i don't know who she is i don't even know what she looks like
28:45right now it's a true blind date for me so definitely nerve-wracking i like this geezer word of
28:51advice though mike if you want to get your leg over don't mention lego hi hello hi are you mike i am
28:59mike yes nice to meet you i'm donna nice to meet you how are you yeah i'm very well thanks yeah good
29:03good good have a seat thank you thank you there you go all right this is weird isn't it yeah yeah
29:10do you go on many blind dates uh i haven't been on a blind date since oh god well over a decade yeah
29:17okay yeah yeah in fact 20 years in fact that's twice a decade oh wow he's not as good at history as i
29:24thought must be the nerves play it cool mike you've got this as i thought mike isn't my exact type but
29:31he's dressed very smart and he seems lovely so open-minded hello hello hi may i get the um the
29:41chopped salad with some chicken yep can i have just fish and chips please where do amazing choices thank
29:47you thank you thank you i haven't had fish and chips in ages oh yeah a bit of a staple food for me every
29:52every weekend is chippy for us so uh yeah did you know the curly of the fish means the fresher the fish
29:58really i did not know that apparently what is it with everyone's fishy facts today i haven't
30:02actually googled it no to see if it's true no so i'm just guessing it is too late i'm never eating
30:07a straight fish ever again sure let's let's say that yeah yeah and then you know it's it's for the
30:13for the the the what's a fish expert called keep it simple mike i'm not even sure fish experts know
30:19what a fish expert's called a fish expert yeah what are they called fishmonger captain bird's eye
30:25like who catches fish like a skipper like a like a biologist guy oh well it doesn't really matter i
30:30suppose so as this date starts like two single flat fish out of the water
30:39back at sam's date with mahan and after a nervy start the big question is is he still there
30:44well is he is he is he he is i guess the fox hunt must be delayed or something by the way i don't
30:53watch made in chelsea oh that's that's perfect she's never watched it really you swerved the
30:58bullet there mate so actually i didn't know who you were amazing you can already does to be honest
31:03yeah not unless you watch the show which thankfully she doesn't you have a bit of a reputation oh
31:08shit huh okay um what's all about reputation yeah
31:14uh if you're having trouble remembering sam we could give a couple of the made in chelsea girls
31:20a call um my reputation is probably not great oh my god what does that mean i've what have i done
31:29um i've just been a bit i've been young for sure so you cheated huh have you cheated i mean that's
31:37a big word i'll tell you what's a little word yes on our first one to one day i wasn't expecting
31:44these questions to be so intense i'm just trying to tuck into the salmon roll what was your last
31:50relationship um it was like so it was eight months ago officially yeah about eight months my
31:56official relationship broke up eight months ago so how long was it uh two and a half years okay
32:03my only concern is like are you actually like over your ex oh and she's off again i am
32:12both uh yeah i'm definitely i'm just i'm i'm i'm over my ex for sure but i'm just like
32:20this is my first time dipping nipping into dating yeah but uh yeah oh well you totally convinced her
32:26there i reckon nothing says i'm over my ex up waiting 10 seconds before answering and then sup in some
32:31mirror back at the oyster gap lid is finally receiving an incinerated slab of meat after
32:38hunky jordan seems to have got her juices flowing that looks lovely little tin pot of chip is
32:46do you have any mayonnaise please oh yeah thank you mayo and a steak
32:50fuck off anything else very good thank you yeah thanks mayonnaise with steak no with the chips would
32:59that give you the egg if i did my steak with mayonnaise i'd put a red flag in the steak
33:03shit on my chair and leave that would have been i probably would do that if i was alone what with
33:09your steak yeah oh well is that bad yeah really yeah oh god are you obsessed with mayo i like mayo
33:18i wouldn't say i'm obsessed with it they may have been chatting about condiments for the last 30 seconds
33:22but it seems to be doing the trick daddy sauce anyone oh thank you so much it's all for him but get her a
33:28straw just in case i'll say enjoy that with your steak for a steak yeah thanks oh gosh gosh is there
33:36any other like quirks any other quirks with me yeah i'm trying to think what's the most interesting
33:41fact about me i used to like plane watching plane radar perhaps i think that might have just killed
33:47jordan's boner for the next six or seven years i've got that do you oh hang on he's rock hard for
33:53it boeing boner coming in oh i'm a golden subscriber you're a gold subscriber yeah to the plane radar
34:00yeah we've got a lot in common so i think he's gone from a nine to a 9.5 every time a helicopter
34:08comes over i'm like who's that right and when you guess it and it's right don't you just feel
34:13so good and they're like my parents and like do you know where that helicopter's going imagine if
34:18anyone was listening to our conversation right now don't worry i think most viewers switched off when
34:23you put mayo on your steak meanwhile across town after a fishy start self-proclaimed geek mike has got
34:31his work cut out if he wants to hook donna but on the plus side he hasn't mentioned his lego sets once
34:37so you're from liverpool i am yeah yeah obviously with the accents great accent my accents i feel have
34:42softened because i'm on the phone all day as part of my day job when i was younger than a bit
34:46of acting and i host a podcast as well so like i talk a lot okay i need to be understood and so
34:53you said that you host a podcast right time to impress mike everyone loves a pod it's a very nerdy
35:00podcast i am yeah very much a geek oh that is a long old sip hang in there donna i wear my geek on
35:08my sleeve very proud of it yeah it's called attack of the 50-foot nerds okay incredible title but i
35:14don't think it's helping here mike's really nice but at the moment i don't think we have much in
35:20common but you know we're here so let's keep chatting oh wow thank you my love wow this looks
35:29banging that looks incredible actually lovely thank you very much thank you boss doesn't look very curly
35:35to me send it back mike what's your dating story so i was with someone for five and a bit years maybe
35:43five and a half years okay that ended last april so all about yourself you got any kids or no kids
35:48i've got a cat that's enough little fair baby yeah mr biggs he's an absolute legend how old is he he's
35:5511 today oh well happy birthday mr biggs thanks babe he'll appreciate that he won't my dog is 16
36:03in a couple of weeks really what do you got he's a jack russell finally something they can bond over
36:08he lives with my ex so he's a very very old frail boy at the moment so i don't we don't think he's
36:13got long left keep it light mike oh god yeah maybe avoid the dog dying stuff and get stuck into
36:19your limp fish for a bit mike good lad
36:35welcome back to celebs go dating where bumbling blue blood sam has been probed harder than an alien
36:40with an anal obsession and i don't think i'm the only one to say i've been quite enjoying it
36:45what's like your big no-go for a guy no-go um lying cheating
36:51okay you just look you look down as soon as i said that you just put your hand in your pocket and
36:56look down those are the things you do it's cold in here it's so cold i'm so cold it's so chilly
37:02that's probably the ghosts of girlfriends past chilling your veins with ice i i've cheated once
37:06maybe twice and it was um and and it was uh this is not my last ratio this is before and
37:13i can i say something i've also been cheated on and it's probably the worst feeling in the world
37:19and i think i would yeah is that when you decided that you're not going to cheat anymore no i i hit
37:25like 25 and i was like absolutely not yeah man leave that to the 24 year olds you're going to run to
37:30loot you do that well hang on a minute do not let that man out of your sight he's a flight risk and
37:36needs containing that's it we're going full lockdown no one in no one out we need to locate him right now
37:42no chance of our sexy plane spotters going off radar though as we head back to live and jordan
37:52what would you say your perfect date is
37:57i don't know about perfect but my first dates have always just been a dog walk
38:01yeah yeah i mean they said what's your perfect date i like buttersea dogs on let's go to bus you know
38:08that would have been oh the dream oh he loves animals too this boat just keeps getting dreamier by the
38:14second that's literally one of my perfect dates really going on a walk grabbing a takeaway coffee and
38:20just going on a walk in the countryside get your wellies on yeah just anywhere quiet and peaceful nice
38:26of you hello hello this is bill that's great thank you i'll pay it on thanks jordan no worries ah what a
38:34gent cheers thank you thanks for that it's very sweet of you how do you feel like the date's gone i've
38:39enjoyed it have you yeah apart from the mail okay but we can get over that yeah yeah over it enough
38:45to go on a second date absolutely yeah yeah i'd love to would you yeah i'd love that
38:50boom second date in the bag minus the mayo though this feels really nice actually four hours it took
38:59us to get that boat in position and now she notices thank you for a lovely day it's been great
39:03to see you see you soon look after yourself safe journey back see you see you later that date went
39:09really well obviously because i asked for a second date very good looking lived up to the photo i think
39:15the day went really well actually she's a gorgeous girl i was a bit underdressed though lives the type
39:20of guy i'd definitely go plane spotting with i couldn't think of anyone i'd rather spot a plane with
39:24them if we'd known we would have booked you into the wagamamas at gatwick north maybe i finally met
39:30someone that's actually mature got their head screwed on gentlemen it's got potential oh liv might have
39:37just secured a co-pilot for the gala meanwhile back in town don has yet to build anything meaningful
39:47with lego legend mike but the night's still young for our chatterbox scouser to turn things around
39:53what's your dream acting role oh um she set this one up for you mate just say magic mike so you
39:59i've always seen myself as more like the friend oh no is he just friend zoned himself i don't want
40:05to be the lead even in plays that i've written and then i've been in i've always just been like
40:11the side guy with the with the funniest jokes so you're a writer as well yeah i've written a few
40:16different plays now yeah uh shakespeare what are we talking i i wrote a play it's a comedy
40:21murder mystery with all these funny chocolate pun character names oh jack the ripple the milk sleigh man
40:27i was bornville the butler not bad and sir toby larone gets murdered you know decent and then harry
40:34bow has to come and investigate that's not a chocolate mike so you're gonna have to up your
40:37game if you want to get into donna's snickers or up a whisper i know that the agents told me to give
40:44mike a chance but i feel like he is talking at me not with me and that's very difficult to kind
40:52of try and open the conversation up i know i'm here to try new things but this is not easy
40:59well at least he hasn't brought up the lego yet i'm a big fan of lego oh for sake mike my mum and
41:05dad's spare room at the moment is basically full of boxes of lego right oh jesus he still lives with
41:11his parents and plays with his childhood toys got the horn yet donna my birthday's coming up in a few
41:16weeks yeah i've booked a week off work right i'm going to build the old 1966 adam west batmobile
41:23that that's what i'm doing with my week a week how big is it
41:33back with sam and mahan and it looks like sam is nowhere to be seen i said he'd do a runner again
41:37and he has so i guess now we just have to sit and watch mahan on her oh here he is do you know
41:43what guess he did just need a shit after all what is that smells delicious my perfume yeah john
41:48malone what is it the ramen is it the ramen very funny very good mm parfum de bean sprout
41:57i feel like the start of this date has not gone to plan i feel like it's just been a little bit too
42:01much but hopefully we can turn this around and make it a little bit more flirty and fun more
42:05light-hearted you're the first person in the industry who have like you you i was more excited
42:11about this day than having about any other day that's it sam keep climbing yourself out of that
42:16hole not to disregard the lovely beautiful people but like you you treat me for sure okay that's good
42:21to know just to be honest well that mid-date seems to have worked wonders on his charm offensive
42:27we should definitely do another day i think we could have fun
42:33yeah sure sure that was good well fair play to the man he took a grin in hopped off for a 20-minute
42:39dump and has somehow managed to salvage another date from the evening what should we do next we'll
42:44figure it out i'm sure we can figure it out cheers to that cheers to that should go
42:55i really enjoyed today's day sam had a little bit of a dip during this process i feel like i'm getting
43:00back to being sam again let's just definitely go for a drink let's up yeah definitely let's do it
43:06i feel great that he stayed the whole time yeah the date was quite fun my walls are still slightly
43:12up the fact that i asked have you cheated before are you over your eggs and both questions he looked
43:18down so that to me is a little bit worrying mahan incredible lovely sweetheart and i'm intrigued to see
43:26where it goes oh it's lovely when the privileged get a break it just doesn't happen enough in this world
43:30does it so as they head off to continue their night across town donna's date is still yet to get going
43:39and lego loving playwright mike would need to pull something pretty special out the bag for this one
43:43to receive a happy ending so you know my advice is obviously my lego what's what's what's yours
43:49what's my advice i'd say a margarita with a salty rim i think that's a subtle code for bring
43:55me another drink right now i feel like i was right mike isn't the the guy for me there's no point in
44:03kind of dragging this this out so let's go home together separately ah shame oh well thank you mike
44:10oh thank you it was lovely to meet you i've been having a lovely little time it will do um because
44:16i've got thousands of them because i ordered too many biopsies right oh mike please say it's not a johnny
44:21i'll give you my card oh a business card still a bit of an odd way to end a date
44:27lead host producer yeah attack of the oh okay this is the podcast yeah yeah i literally i was
44:33only supposed to order a hundred and i ordered a thousand by accident okay so this you just giving
44:37them out well yeah yeah but obviously it's people who you know i think would like one anyway yeah
44:42okay oh my you may have many strengths lego podcasts and writing plays but reading the signals
44:48clearly isn't one of them well i'll give you a little hug yeah yeah say goodbye yeah it's been
44:55a pleasure getting to know you thank you oh you take care yeah you too thank you see you later bye
45:03it's not speed dating my friend you can leave now i really enjoyed my date with donna this evening i
45:08think it went really well she's obviously learned quite a lot about me she certainly has the date with
45:12mike was educational i think i know everything about mike i would like if she called me yeah
45:18drop me a text who knows yeah we'll see uh say if she does we'll see how things go from there
45:23maybe a fax that should be on the business card donna no vibe from me um no but you know what
45:31mike is a lovely guy um and i wish him all the best oh well better luck next time mike now to the
45:37batmobile sorry i've always wanted to say that tomorrow night your dipsis has swollen to three
45:44times the size there's cutting questions have you discussed money that makes me uncomfortable and
45:50awkward answers have you enjoyed any of your dates no as our celebs they want me to ask what are your
45:57intentions and i'm going are you my dad go i would love to go for that drink with you again
46:02um i feel like i'm begging dating can you put your legs behind your head uh later later
46:32like i'm going to go for that drink with you and i'm going to go for that drink with you
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