- 2 months ago
Celebs Go Dating - Season 14 Episode 17
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00:00Tonight!
00:02Sexy, sexy, sexy.
00:05With the end of agency gala approaching,
00:08Sam starts to feel the pressure.
00:10Are we cheater?
00:11I mean, that's a big word.
00:13Whilst Mark unleashes his inner beast.
00:16The way he looked at my cleavage.
00:18Told me he was interesting.
00:20Not!
00:21As our celebs?
00:22I am very much a geek.
00:24Go!
00:25Mayonnaise with stage.
00:26That bad?
00:27Yeah!
00:28Dating!
00:29Love, Jordan.
00:39Welcome to Celebs Go Dating.
00:41We're at the agency Paul's turned up early
00:43to ask Tom to take a look at something personal.
00:46Whoa!
00:47Oh, gosh, it just goes on and on and on and on.
00:50Oh, look at your lifeline.
00:52It goes right off your hands.
00:54Are you serious?
00:55You're going to be a centenarian.
00:56Topless, all oiled up and fighting the enemies of Rome.
00:59Yes, please.
01:02What else you got?
01:03So it's this one.
01:04Yeah, so that's the successor.
01:05Hello, friends.
01:06We're just doing a bit of palmology.
01:08A what?
01:10Have a look at Dr T's sex line while you're there, Tom.
01:13I bet it's like the tube map.
01:14Oh, you've got a long lifeline as well.
01:16Oh, look at that.
01:17I'll live to 120.
01:19This is great news.
01:20We can get another 50 series out of these two.
01:23And here's A-dubs late again.
01:26What's the excuse this time?
01:27Breakfast meeting with a bottle of cava.
01:29Good morning.
01:30Hello.
01:31Just doing a tiny bit of palmology.
01:33Like a little mother's meeting over here.
01:36Yep, it's a miracle anyone gets anything done.
01:38Who do we have in today?
01:39Oh, we've got John, Liv and Mark in today.
01:42I'd better get downstairs.
01:44Better shake her leg, Tom.
01:47As arriving right now and bringing the same luck
01:49with the weather that's accompanied her dating life so far,
01:52it's pocket rocket, Love Islander, Liv Hawkins.
01:58Hello, Celebrity Dating Agency.
02:00Hi, it's Liv.
02:01It's pouring outside.
02:02Can I come in?
02:03Oh, dear, darling.
02:04Come and dry off.
02:06You won't break my soul.
02:08You won't break my soul down now.
02:10You won't break my soul.
02:13And there's no messing about
02:14as she's straight up to see the agents.
02:16What do we want to find out?
02:18Well, it's almost the end of her journey.
02:21I'd love to know where her head's at.
02:23Yeah, yeah.
02:24I also want to unpack a little bit about the Kells situation.
02:27Yes.
02:28It does feel like she's hit this lull.
02:30We need to push her.
02:32Fire under the ass.
02:34Yes.
02:35Sounds a bit medieval, Doctor,
02:36but whatever works for you,
02:37you're the saucy sex part.
02:40Hi.
02:41Hello.
02:42Princess Liv.
02:44Hi.
02:45At the brunch, Liv's U-turn came as a bit of a kick in the teeth
02:48for Thai boxer Cherose.
02:50I know I mentioned going on another date,
02:53but I probably see it as more of a friendship.
02:57OK.
02:59And after man-mounting Kells took a photo on their date...
03:02Seeing a photo of me?
03:04What are you doing?
03:05Look at me.
03:06Liv sent him crashing down to earth.
03:09When you took a photo of me without asking,
03:11I just found it a bit strange.
03:14Why does that make you feel uncomfortable? Sorry.
03:16Well, when someone's, like, doing that with their phone...
03:18You know we're, like, surrounded by cameras.
03:20It's not like I'm being a secret about it.
03:21I do think you're a great girl.
03:23But have you really got the bandwidth
03:25to actually be with someone else?
03:27Leave it out, Kells.
03:28Our Liv could handle you with a 56k dial-up modem.
03:33How was your final brunch?
03:35I feel like that was probably my most dramatic.
03:39I truly felt bad for Cherose.
03:41Oh, me too.
03:42You did?
03:43I felt really bad.
03:44OK.
03:45That's why I always say I'd rather be the dumpy than the dumper.
03:48Try being both.
03:50I was the dumpy dumper for about ten years at school.
03:52But you'll be pleased to know that's all cleared up now.
03:54Walk us through the Kells situation
03:57because, of course, we were there at brunch
03:59and we observed everything, but that was so brief.
04:01I was really looking forward to the date with Kells.
04:03We had a bit of back and forth before the date.
04:05I was excited for it.
04:06Bought me flowers. Very cute.
04:09And then I caught him, like, taking sneaky photos,
04:13which, for me, I just think, on a first date,
04:16I just felt really uncomfortable from that moment on.
04:19I think if we put Kells and Cherose together...
04:22Yeah.
04:23A bit of nice and a bit of naughty.
04:25Yeah.
04:26That could be the perfect person for it, yeah.
04:28I'm sure Dr. T has a medieval device
04:30that can make that happen.
04:31Human splicing machine.
04:33Too bad we can't do that.
04:34Oh, damn it.
04:36Oh, never mind.
04:37And returning to the agency after his dance date with Josie
04:44is the Tower of Trivia himself, Mark the Beast Le Bear.
04:48Oh, I just want to climb that lovely man mountain,
04:51have a picnic and take in the views.
04:54Hello, Celebrity Dating Agency.
04:56Hi, it's Mark.
04:57Do come in.
04:59Oh, hello.
05:00Oh, it's usually you brighten the day.
05:03Oh, well, right back at you, Mark.
05:06A great shaft of light came in just before you did.
05:09Oh, excellent.
05:10Everything's down to light, isn't it?
05:11Because we wouldn't have colour without light, would we?
05:12No.
05:13Well, if we didn't have sunlight we'd all be dead.
05:14The Beast always looking on the bright side of life.
05:17Gordon Bennett, so actually there is no colour.
05:20I mean, without us.
05:22Well, you can argue colour is perception.
05:24Yes.
05:25What's blue?
05:26Easy.
05:27The greatest boy about the world.
05:28Hello.
05:29What's blue?
05:30Easy.
05:31The greatest boy about the sun.
05:32No, no, no, no, no.
05:34No, it's the sun.
05:35The sun.
05:36Oh, no.
05:37No, no.
05:38No, no, no.
05:39No, no, no.
05:40No, no, no.
05:41No, no.
05:42the greatest boy band of all time.
05:44And the answer is blue, is whatever we think it is.
05:46Yes, yes.
05:48And Shakespeare never said pink.
05:50There isn't, I don't think there's a single utterance
05:52of the word pink in any of his plays.
05:54You could well be right.
05:56Yeah.
05:56I can feel that could be a good question,
05:58going through the complete works of Shakespeare
05:59and do something like,
06:01list the ten colours that were mentioned at some point.
06:04I'll stick to playing Call of Duty if that's OK.
06:07Back upstairs, Paul and Dr T are struggling
06:10to fulfil their duty to find a date for Liv
06:13after the love islander dumped both of her previous dates
06:16at the brunch.
06:17We're coming towards the end of your time here.
06:20We feel like we've hit this lull.
06:22We have.
06:23Right, we're not progressing.
06:25Yeah, yeah.
06:25What do you believe we can do at this point
06:29to truly help you?
06:31Now, I'm no relationship expert,
06:33but another date sounds sensible.
06:34I think I need another date.
06:36I'm wasted in this booth.
06:38I really like that.
06:39Yeah.
06:40We've struggled so hard to find a match for Liv,
06:43and with the agency gala right around the corner,
06:45it's now more important than ever to find her someone.
06:48Not just for the event,
06:49but to continue her journey with once she leaves us.
06:52And we might have just found the perfect guy.
06:55Drum roll, please.
06:57Sounds more like a cat tapping on the patio door
06:59when it wants letting in.
07:00We have Jordan.
07:04Hello, Jordan.
07:05That reminds me, I must return some stuff to next.
07:08OK, hello.
07:10Commercial manager, Preston.
07:12He's 30 years old.
07:13Six foot and Aquarius.
07:15Water sign.
07:17Aquarius and Gemini.
07:19Lovely.
07:20Compatible.
07:21Very cute.
07:22Wish you'd bought him in earlier, but it's fine.
07:26The age.
07:27Love that.
07:28Yes.
07:29Jordan, you know, by the seaside,
07:31it's giving a cue.
07:33Well, Liv.
07:34Yes.
07:35You're going on a date right now.
07:37Right now?
07:38Right now.
07:39Can I do a quick change?
07:40That depends.
07:41How many outfits you've got in that tiny bag?
07:43You can if you'd like.
07:44If you need to.
07:45Can I just have a quick closer look?
07:46Yes.
07:46Go take a look.
07:48Oh, my gosh.
07:50Yeah.
07:51I can work with this.
07:52Thank God for that.
07:54Always good to see you.
07:55And you.
07:56Always good to see you.
07:57We love you.
07:57Bye, Liv.
07:59Bye.
07:59Bye-bye.
08:00This could be her best date.
08:04It could be.
08:05I'm praying that it will be.
08:07It's a good match.
08:08And obviously, she's really into the physical characteristics.
08:12So as Liv heads off, oh, look, there's a phone box
08:15if you want to nip in for a quick change.
08:21Across town, made in Chelsea's Prince of Prosperity, Sam,
08:24is on his way to a second date with Mahan.
08:28And he should really count himself lucky.
08:30I feel like I need to have, like, a little private conversation
08:32with me a little bit, I think.
08:33OK.
08:34I'll lead the way.
08:35As after looting the cock off with Louis,
08:38Sam stormed out of his date like an angry little aristocrat.
08:41I've had a bad day.
08:42Then at the brunch...
08:44I really enjoyed our date.
08:45It was great.
08:46When asked to pick between Hattie or Mahan,
08:48he went for Mahan, who, despite Sam doing a runner, said yes.
08:52Yeah, I'd like to get to know him a little bit better.
08:54That'd be nice.
08:55I didn't expect that.
08:56To be honest, I think I owe Mahan a second date, for sure.
09:01And I'm surprised she's agreed to it, to be honest.
09:04I mean, the last date was pretty embarrassing, really.
09:07Your words, not mine.
09:08Mahan is very sweet.
09:09She's beautiful.
09:09And I'm excited to get to know her more without running away.
09:15Oi, driver, keep the engine going and the meat are running when you get there.
09:18You might be on a good little earner tonight.
09:21Meanwhile, back at the agency, after a meeting of the minds
09:24between our very own Beauty and the Beast...
09:26See you soon, babe.
09:27See you very soon.
09:29Mark is on his way up to see Anna and Paul.
09:32The Beast.
09:33The Beast is coming in.
09:35Knowing that this is his last session, he will be energetic.
09:41If that's energetic, I'd hate to see him when he can't be arsed.
09:44Yeah, looking forward to it.
09:45I think he's come a really long way, actually.
09:46I mean, the Beast has not given a terrible date.
09:49Even the one where he drank his candle by mistake and fell asleep on the date...
09:55Yeah.
09:55...she's still had a really good time.
09:57Yeah.
09:58The guy's got talent, you know.
09:59Yeah.
10:02Come on in.
10:05Oh, hello.
10:06Hello, Mark.
10:08Following two dates with glam-grand Deanne...
10:11I love history.
10:12Don't know why, but I'm fascinated with World War II.
10:16I'm afraid I could bore for Britain on the subject, so...
10:19Mark backed it up by picking her again at the brunch.
10:22Do you want to see Deanne again?
10:24Of course.
10:25But with the agents keen to test his commitment,
10:27they sent him on a dance date with the very jolly Josie.
10:32But when presented with a second date...
10:34Would you like to see him again?
10:35The Beast only had eyes for one beauty.
10:38You're great.
10:39I think Deanne's, like, slightly ahead of you.
10:41I'm sorry.
10:41I'm going to be brutally honest.
10:42Oh, OK.
10:43So tactful as always, Mark.
10:45So, most recently, you went on a date with Josie.
10:48Yes.
10:49It was a good date.
10:50It was...
10:52What I did observe again is realising that...
10:54She asked, who did I want to see?
10:57I just said, look, I'm sorry, but I prefer Deanne.
11:00Prefers her so much, she still can't pronounce her name.
11:03It's Deanne, mate.
11:04Oh, well...
11:05If you had Deanne on your mind, you're right not to leave people on.
11:08Exactly.
11:08But you felt that Josie was flirting with you?
11:11Well, certainly, she was interested.
11:13OK.
11:14Right, let's get cracking in with Josie's feedback.
11:17Go on, then.
11:18When asked if she thought that you were a good match for each other,
11:20Josie said, it was an interesting date.
11:22I think we got on well.
11:24He was warm and he made me feel very welcome.
11:29I love it when you get a compliment.
11:31I know, I can't cope.
11:32You can't.
11:33And you just do the cutest face.
11:35You know when you've got good feedback
11:36when Anna starts flirting with the beast.
11:38He was a sweetheart.
11:39He was really complimentary.
11:41Wow, look at that.
11:43When asked about how genuine you were,
11:45Josie said,
11:46I think it was real.
11:48The way he looked at my cleavage...
11:50Oh, you dirty little beast!
11:53...told me he was interested.
11:56But he...
11:57Bear in mind, I'm a foot taller than her.
12:01I'm a foot taller than my nan,
12:02but I've never checked out her wangers.
12:04Well, once.
12:13Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating.
12:15Where at the agency Mark's just been called out
12:17for bagging an eyeful of Dave Josie's boobs.
12:20The horny beast.
12:21Josie said,
12:22the way he looked at my cleavage...
12:24told me he was interested.
12:32But...
12:32Bear in mind, I'm a foot taller than her.
12:35I was straight bad.
12:37The guiltiest charge.
12:38But he picked another girl.
12:41Here we go.
12:42Embarrassingly low date rating incoming.
12:44She rated the date an eight.
12:46Oh, okay.
12:46Ooh!
12:47An eight?
12:47This is unfamiliar territory for me.
12:50I'll safely admit this.
12:51Well, this is very, very interesting.
12:54And bravo to you.
12:56Gets caught peeking at the boobies
12:58and still gets eight out of ten?
13:00He really is a genius.
13:02So, lovely Deanne.
13:04Would you reckon another date?
13:06Yes, please.
13:06I'd love another date with Deanne.
13:08Okay.
13:08He's even got her name right this time.
13:10Must be love.
13:11It's been truly lovely
13:12to see Mark's progression within the agency.
13:15He's really been listening to the advice
13:16and putting it into practice.
13:18But for him to really get the best
13:20out of his next date with Deanne,
13:21he really does need some clarity
13:23on where her head's at.
13:25This is your third date now.
13:26Okay.
13:27You said that you're looking for companionship,
13:28but you are open to seeing where things go.
13:30Yes.
13:31So, I think it's really important, actually,
13:33to try and fathom out what she means by that.
13:35So, we're not moving forward with assumptions, okay?
13:38Because, as we know, assumptions
13:39are the mother of all F-ups.
13:40Yes.
13:41Okay.
13:41We do have our agency gala.
13:44It's a big deal.
13:46And if you feel like Deanne is someone
13:47that you would like to bring to the gala,
13:50then that's over to you.
13:51Okay.
13:52Cannot wait to see who you bring.
13:53Can't wait.
13:54Off your pot, Mark.
13:55As long as you keep your eyes on the main course
13:57and not on the pudding,
13:58you should be absolutely fine.
14:04You know what I love most
14:05is how much he's placing on this experience.
14:09And he is potentially leaving his time here
14:12with a lady on his arm.
14:14So, as the beast is released back into the world
14:16to hunt his prey for the gala...
14:18On the other side of town,
14:21Donna's on the prowl for some passion
14:23as she's on her way to meet a brand new date.
14:26I'm excited to go on another date.
14:28You know, dating's hard.
14:30And it's great to get dates picked for me
14:32rather than swiping because I've got a sore thumb.
14:34Good a reason as any, I suppose.
14:36After failing to find a spark with electrician Gary...
14:39You don't have to let me down gently.
14:41I'm a grown-ass woman, babe.
14:42I've got my shit sorted.
14:43The agents offered up a new approach with nerdy Mike.
14:47OK, Mike.
14:48He's got a little message for you.
14:49I'm probably your typical average nerd.
14:52I like my comics.
14:53And in my spare time, I love to build Lego.
14:55But Donna wasn't exactly blown away
14:57by a brick-building toy boy.
14:59I'm very intrigued to find out more about Mike.
15:05He does look like my cousin.
15:06I wouldn't date my cousin.
15:07I would.
15:08He also looks a little bit like my ex,
15:10so there's a few red flags there.
15:11But can your ex build a Lego millennium falcon blindfolded
15:15in under 20 minutes?
15:17Yeah.
15:18Oh, OK, no further questions then.
15:19Who knows?
15:20He might luff me into the bedroom.
15:25That's the spirit, Donna.
15:26Although do watch out for loose Lego on the floor
15:28because those little shits hurt bare feet like a bastard.
15:35Meanwhile, the ever-bare-chested S-Club Johns
15:37arriving at the agency.
15:39After the loved-up lummox made things official
15:41with Jordan at the brunch.
15:43Reach for the stars, baby,
15:44and then reach for the doorbell.
15:47Hey, Tom, it's John.
15:48Oh, John.
15:50Oh, entre, entre.
15:51Come in.
16:07Hello.
16:07Oh, hello, you.
16:10Hi.
16:10Right back at you, kiddo.
16:13How are you?
16:13Oh, that's such a heady aroma.
16:16You always say about my after-save when I come in.
16:17Oh, I love it.
16:18What sign are you?
16:20Taurus.
16:21Oh, yes, drawn to sense.
16:22No one who believes in star signs is drawn to sense.
16:25Trust me, I'm a Libra.
16:26Oh, you're the bull, aren't you?
16:27Oh, I am, yeah.
16:29It's like the bison.
16:30Yes.
16:31Because I have bison at Wildwood in Kent.
16:35Posh people say some funny shit, don't they?
16:37Bison, what the fuck is that?
16:39No way.
16:39Yeah.
16:40And they're so gentle.
16:41They really are, yeah.
16:42It's like with a horse, you just blow up its nose
16:44and it's your friend for life.
16:46That's it.
16:46Do you know that?
16:46I didn't know that, actually, no.
16:48Something hits their olfactory bulb
16:50and they say, that's my friend forever and ever and ever.
16:53Same for me if you massage my prostate.
16:57Give me, give me, give me more.
17:00Across town and after a quick change,
17:02lives on her way to meet hot new date Jordan.
17:04Wow, that is some outfit.
17:06I wonder what inspired that.
17:07I've had a really good agency today.
17:09I'm very excited for my date with Jordan.
17:11He's very cute.
17:12It's given me a burst of energy.
17:15French maid?
17:15No.
17:16A stick of licorice?
17:17No.
17:17What is it, then?
17:19I feel confident.
17:20I feel like my light has switched back on
17:22and I'm ready to go into this date.
17:25Ah, that's it.
17:26She's been inspired by the restaurant
17:27and come dressed as an oyster catcher.
17:29Good job we didn't book the pig and bollock.
17:31And slightly more underdressed but still looking buff
17:34is Liv's date Jordan.
17:35I'm feeling good about the date.
17:37A little bit nervous.
17:38I've not been on a date in a while.
17:39I've been on two dates in two years,
17:41so it's not really a good tally at the moment, is it?
17:43But we'll see how this one goes.
17:45How's this sweet piece of ass only been on two dates in two years?
17:49He must have something seriously wrong with him,
17:51like a wife and two kids.
17:52Although hopefully not.
17:54Hello.
17:55Hello.
17:55Are you Jordan?
17:57You're looking very well.
17:58Am I a bit overdressed?
18:00Yeah, I feel underdressed now.
18:01No, you look great.
18:03Jordan's nice, isn't he?
18:05Very easy on the eyes.
18:07He looks even better in the flesh.
18:08Where do you live?
18:11Lancashire.
18:12Lancashire.
18:13Oh, is it Preston?
18:14Yeah.
18:15I'm in, like, the Rubble Valley,
18:16which is more scenic than Preston.
18:18Nice.
18:19We call Preston de-Preston.
18:20Right.
18:21So you say Lancashire.
18:22Yeah.
18:22Which sounds a bit more...
18:24Yeah.
18:24...bougie.
18:24Yeah.
18:25I live in Brighton.
18:27Brighton, OK.
18:27Very far south.
18:28Yeah, by the seaside.
18:29So they're literally going,
18:30OK, we're going to get two people
18:31from opposite ends of the country.
18:33And see if they like each other.
18:34Yeah, right.
18:35And based on evidence so far,
18:38seems to be working.
18:39I know I shouldn't ask,
18:40but how old are you, though?
18:41Blimey, brave man to be asking
18:43that straight off the bat.
18:4429.
18:4529, OK.
18:46Perfect age.
18:47And you're 30.
18:47Yeah, yeah.
18:47Yeah, so I'm actually
18:49going to be 30 next week.
18:51Big plans?
18:52Yeah, I'm going to do a birthday month.
18:55In the face of a man realising
18:56if this date goes well,
18:57he might just be buying
18:58a load of presents
18:59for someone he's only just met.
19:01OK.
19:01I think.
19:02Yeah?
19:02Yeah.
19:03Why not?
19:04You're only 30 once.
19:06To be fair,
19:06I was quite scared
19:07against 30.
19:08As I'm going to wake up,
19:09back's going to be hurting.
19:10But no, it's been OK.
19:11But you feel the same?
19:12No, I don't know.
19:12Back does hurt.
19:14Leave it out, mate.
19:15Wait till you're pushing 40.
19:17I slipped a disc
19:17trying to get a fart out
19:18the other day.
19:19Cheek puller.
19:20Anyway,
19:21with these two
19:21off to a cracking start,
19:23back in the agency,
19:24John's just left Tom
19:25and is climbing
19:26the stairway to heaven,
19:27or as it's otherwise known,
19:29the business boudoir,
19:30to check in with the agents
19:32and how things are going
19:33with his Jordan.
19:33I just love love.
19:35Yeah, man.
19:36Are you suggesting
19:37that John is in love?
19:38I think he's falling in love.
19:42There's definitely
19:42a lot of infatuation.
19:45There is.
19:45Like that new relationship energy.
19:47But I think it's heading there.
19:49Yeah.
19:51Oh.
19:52Oh.
19:54Sexy, sexy, sexy.
19:56I wish my doctor
19:58would greet me like that.
19:59For the last couple of weeks,
20:01sexy, sexy, sexy S Club John
20:03and his bearded beefcake Jordan
20:04have been lifting it up
20:05across London
20:06like a couple of
20:07love-struck lunatics.
20:08Have you got your phone
20:09in your pocket?
20:10No.
20:10Really?
20:10You've given me a lazy lob.
20:14And at the last brunch,
20:15announced that they were exclusive.
20:17Officially off the market, yeah.
20:18Wow.
20:19Oh, my God.
20:22So you and Jordan are a thing.
20:23Yeah.
20:25Yeah.
20:25It's amazing.
20:26It's amazing.
20:27This is the work of the agency.
20:29And as such,
20:30Celebsco dating
20:31will now be taking
20:3140% of all your income.
20:33Always read the small point, S Club.
20:35I am so happy.
20:36I am.
20:38Has it been intimate?
20:40Oh, she's going straight in
20:42with the money question.
20:43Has his six-year sex drought
20:45finally been watered?
20:46Yeah, we have been intimate.
20:49He stayed with me in my hotel
20:50when we go on dates and stuff.
20:52And you like what you see?
20:53Steady on, Doc.
20:54She'll be asking for photos next.
20:56I do, very much.
20:57Yeah, yeah.
20:58It's all going on.
20:58Oh, you've got to know.
20:59No, you've got to know.
21:00You've got to know these things.
21:01It's important.
21:01And it feels good?
21:02It feels very good, yeah.
21:03And I actually remember
21:04when we first met at the mixer,
21:05you asked me, like,
21:06what am I looking for?
21:06And I said, a friend,
21:08but a sexy friend.
21:09And that's kind of
21:10what I've got, so.
21:12I love that.
21:13Yeah.
21:14After six years.
21:15Yeah.
21:15Six years, yeah.
21:17What was that like?
21:18I'd be lying if I said
21:19I wasn't a bit nervous
21:20to begin with.
21:21Of course.
21:22But I'm just so comfortable with him,
21:23like, and we had a lot of fun.
21:25We laughed a lot,
21:26which was weird,
21:26but it was really fun, yeah.
21:28It's the best.
21:29Yeah.
21:29Like, it was a big deal in my head
21:31that it wasn't actually
21:32really a big deal in reality,
21:33do you know what I mean?
21:34Tell that to Jordan.
21:35Apparently, it was like
21:36the scene in Ghostbusters
21:37when Bill Murray gets slimed.
21:38Over to Magic Man Sam now,
21:46and after wowing us
21:47with his disappearing act
21:48on his last date with Mahan,
21:50I wonder what his trick
21:51will be this time.
21:52Maybe he might pull
21:53a decent date out of his arse.
21:56A little bit nervous,
21:57come to think of it.
21:57It's my first, second date,
21:58and I feel like I haven't been
21:59on a second date in
22:00a long time.
22:03I've never been
22:04to one of these restaurants before.
22:08Everything's laminated.
22:09I hate to break it to you, Sam,
22:10but it doesn't have
22:11a Michelin star either.
22:12I'm feeling good.
22:13I'm excited.
22:14The last situation we had,
22:16it was a little bit awkward.
22:17We had a little chat.
22:18He's apologised.
22:19I'm going to try forgetting,
22:21but maybe I'll make Sam sweat
22:23a little bit,
22:23just because he deserves it.
22:24You know, at the end of the day,
22:25he walked out,
22:26so it's not a nice thing to do.
22:28So whatever you do,
22:29don't leave this date early, Sam.
22:31Disposable chopsticks or not.
22:32Oh, hello.
22:34How are you?
22:34I'm good, how are you?
22:35You look wonderful.
22:36Let me get this for you.
22:38How are you doing?
22:39I'm good, how are you?
22:40I'm very well.
22:41Good to see you.
22:42Good to see you too.
22:43I'm glad you're here.
22:44Okay, I'm happy I'm here too.
22:46I'm so grateful
22:47that Mahan turned up today.
22:49She's the only person
22:50this whole process
22:50that I felt a spark with.
22:52When I left the first date we had,
22:54I worried that Mahan
22:54would never speak to me again.
22:56Let's see how the second date goes.
22:57So are you much for a dater?
22:59No, not really.
23:00Are you?
23:00Not really, no.
23:02Do they know
23:03what the title of this show is?
23:05Occasionally.
23:06I have to be intrigued, you know?
23:07Cool.
23:08Yeah, you're quite intriguing.
23:09Am I?
23:10Yeah.
23:11Even though you walked out
23:12on the date?
23:13Oh, that didn't take her long.
23:15Oh, yeah, I did.
23:16And then at the brunch,
23:18what was it that you said?
23:19He's looking for a way out already.
23:21Are we back at the brunch?
23:22Hattie?
23:23Is that what her name was?
23:24Hattie, yeah,
23:24we had a good date.
23:25Did you?
23:27Oh, so you're repeating it again.
23:28Good to know.
23:30No, we did.
23:30You were like,
23:31you were like,
23:32best date.
23:34She's not letting this go,
23:35is she?
23:36But do you know
23:37I met Hattie before you?
23:38Before the countryside?
23:40Before I ran off?
23:41Yeah, I met Hattie.
23:41We had a good,
23:42that was,
23:43so far,
23:43Hattie was my favourite date.
23:44Yeah.
23:45But this looks like
23:46it's going to be better.
23:47Okay.
23:48I don't know
23:48what's giving you
23:49that impression, mate.
23:50So far,
23:50it looks like
23:51you're going to be
23:51getting bollocked
23:52for an hour straight,
23:53which I'm here for
23:54in all honesty.
24:09Welcome back
24:10to Celebs Go Dating,
24:11where S Club John's
24:12admitted to some
24:13bedroom boom-boom
24:14with boyfriend Jordan,
24:15ending a six-year
24:16celibate streak.
24:18His testes
24:19must have gone
24:19from footballs
24:20to golf balls.
24:22Do you think
24:22you love Jordan?
24:23Jesus, Paul.
24:24Start of an easy one.
24:27I don't know.
24:28I think love is,
24:28I'm definitely attracted to him.
24:30I'm definitely
24:30very, very into him.
24:33I think love is something
24:34we will figure out
24:35half over time
24:37when we've spent
24:38some more time together.
24:39It's definitely, like,
24:41heading in that direction,
24:42yeah.
24:42I'm really excited.
24:43I haven't felt this way
24:44like I feel with Jordan
24:45in a really long time.
24:46It's a little bit nerve-wracking,
24:48but it feels so good.
24:49Well, then,
24:50on that note
24:51of trying to figure out
24:53how you fit
24:54with each other
24:54in the real world,
24:55we believe that
24:56you need to connect
24:58even further with Jordan.
25:00Okay.
25:01And you know
25:01what that connection involves.
25:03Paul's joining you
25:03for a threesome?
25:04The connection is
25:05an introduction
25:06to friends slash family.
25:08Yes.
25:08Yeah, yeah, yeah.
25:09Oh, yeah,
25:09that sounds more professional.
25:11Because that's
25:11incredibly important
25:12because you want to see
25:13what your friends
25:14and family think.
25:15So do you already have
25:17some people in mind?
25:19I mean,
25:20I'm not,
25:21I don't think he's quite ready
25:22to meet Mummy yet,
25:23but that's a little bit
25:24further down the line, I think.
25:25I don't think he's quite ready
25:26to know that you still
25:27call her Mummy yet either,
25:28to be honest.
25:29I'll keep that to yourself.
25:30My best friend is Joe,
25:32who's in S Club.
25:33S Club?
25:33In S Club with me, yeah.
25:34So he's going to have
25:36a threesome date
25:37with two pop stars?
25:38Yeah.
25:38Is that what you're saying?
25:39Yeah, exactly.
25:40He's getting the full
25:41meet and greet.
25:41Sounds good to me.
25:41Yeah, yeah.
25:43We can't wait
25:44to get the debrief.
25:45I will.
25:45I'll give you all the gossip.
25:47Love it.
25:48Thank you so much.
25:48I'll see you guys soon.
25:50Bye.
25:51Oh, love it.
25:54Can I just declare
25:55that John's my favorite?
25:56Oh, wow.
25:57Wow, you're going
25:58to put that out there.
25:58Yeah, he's just so earnest.
26:01Yeah.
26:01He was open to the process.
26:03He was open to the possibility.
26:05And he has been truthful
26:07throughout this entire journey.
26:10The agency is effective
26:12when you come prepared.
26:14I just hope Jordan
26:15came prepared.
26:16Ideally with a wetsuit
26:17and a snorkel.
26:20Back with Liv
26:21and so far so good
26:22with Fitty Jordan
26:23but the agents
26:24were kind enough
26:25to have a cruise liner
26:26on standby
26:26should she need
26:27to make a quick getaway.
26:29Would have gone
26:29for a speedboat myself.
26:31Better turn his circle.
26:32And please can I go
26:34for the sirloin steak?
26:36Ooh, lovely.
26:37Can I get it
26:38medium well, please?
26:39Medium what?
26:40The same please
26:41but medium rare.
26:42He's fit
26:43and knows how to handle
26:44his meat.
26:45Medium well.
26:46Does that put you off?
26:48Have you ever tried
26:49medium rare?
26:50I have.
26:51I know it tastes better
26:52but if I see blood
26:54I'm like the cow
26:55is still mooing
26:56I can't do it.
26:57Do you know what I mean?
26:59Just chop the horns off,
27:00wipe its arse
27:01and it's good to go for me.
27:02Are you a good cook?
27:03Yeah, I'm a really good cook.
27:04Are you?
27:05Yeah, I've got my own
27:05cooking page.
27:07Don't look at it
27:08because it's not like
27:09anything like crazy
27:10but I love cooking.
27:11What's your favourite
27:12cuisine then?
27:13Oh, I'm really
27:14into Japanese food
27:15at the moment.
27:16So you into fish?
27:17I love fish.
27:18Do you?
27:19No, I'm not a massive fan
27:20you know.
27:20Really?
27:21Yeah.
27:22So what if we try
27:23oysters today?
27:24Oh, someone's in the mood.
27:26Oh gosh.
27:27He may not like oysters
27:28but he's cute
27:30so I think I can let him off.
27:31Even if he does say
27:32the word gosh
27:33without any irony.
27:35Do you want to know
27:35a fun fact about oysters
27:36actually?
27:37Go for it.
27:38They make you horny
27:38or give you the shit.
27:40So,
27:40throughout their lifespan
27:42they change genders
27:44multiple times.
27:46Okay.
27:47And they can produce
27:48sperm and eggs.
27:51I'm not even joking.
27:52Genuinely,
27:53it's a fact.
27:54Jordan doesn't look sure
27:55what to do
27:56with that information
27:56but they still seem
27:57to be lapping each other
27:58up like two happy clams.
28:03Meanwhile,
28:04across town
28:04Donna's arriving
28:05for her first date
28:06with Lego loving Mike
28:07who other than looking
28:08like her cousin
28:09she knows very little about.
28:11On the plus side,
28:12if it does turn out
28:12to be her cousin
28:13Alita will have
28:13a nice icebreaker.
28:14I feel quite excited
28:16to meet Mike.
28:17I wouldn't say
28:18he's my type
28:19but I'm open
28:22to this.
28:23This is why I'm here
28:23to explore new men.
28:27So, yeah,
28:27let's go and meet Mike.
28:29Let's do this.
28:31Oh, hello pocket square Mike.
28:33Quick shake of the head
28:34and he's ready for action.
28:35I'm certainly feeling
28:36a bit nervous
28:36about tonight's date.
28:38I am obviously,
28:39you know,
28:39meeting a stranger
28:40is always interesting
28:41for a first date anyway
28:42but I don't know
28:43who she is.
28:44I don't even know
28:44what she looks like right now.
28:45It's a true blind date for me
28:47so definitely nerve wracking.
28:49I like this geezer.
28:51Word of advice though, Mike.
28:52If you want to get your leg over,
28:53don't mention Lego.
28:57Hi.
28:57Hello.
28:58Hi.
28:58Are you Mike?
28:59I am Mike, yes.
28:59Nice to meet you.
29:00I'm Donna.
29:00Nice to meet you.
29:01Yeah, you too.
29:02How are you?
29:02Yeah, I'm very well, thanks.
29:03Yeah, good, good, good.
29:04Have a seat.
29:05Thank you, thank you.
29:06There you go.
29:08You all right?
29:08This is weird, isn't it?
29:09Yeah.
29:09Yeah.
29:10Do you go on many blind dates?
29:13I haven't been on a blind date
29:14since, oh God,
29:16well over a decade, yeah.
29:17Okay.
29:18Yeah, yeah.
29:19In fact, 20 years, in fact.
29:21So that's twice a decade.
29:22Oh, wow.
29:23He's not as good at history
29:24as I'd thought.
29:25Must be the nerves.
29:26Play it cool, Mike.
29:26You've got this.
29:28As I thought,
29:29Mike isn't my exact type
29:31but he's dressed very smart
29:33and he seems lovely,
29:36so open-minded.
29:38Hello, look.
29:39Hello, hi.
29:40May I get the chopped salad
29:42with some chicken?
29:43Yep.
29:44Can I have just fish and chips, please?
29:45Where do?
29:46Amazing choices.
29:47Thank you very much.
29:49I've had fish and chips in ages.
29:50Oh, yeah.
29:51Bit of a staple food for me.
29:52Every weekend is chippy for us.
29:54Oh, I love it.
29:54So, yeah.
29:55Did you know,
29:56the curly of the fish
29:57means the fresher of the fish?
29:58Really?
29:59I did not know that.
29:59Apparently.
30:00What is it
30:00with everyone's fishy facts today?
30:02I haven't actually Googled it.
30:03No.
30:04To see if it's true.
30:05No.
30:05So, I'm just guessing it is.
30:06Too late.
30:07I'm never eating
30:08a straight fish ever again.
30:10Sure.
30:10Let's say that.
30:11Yeah.
30:11Yeah, yeah.
30:12And then, you know,
30:12it's for the, for the,
30:14the, the,
30:14what's a fish expert called?
30:16Keep it simple, Mike.
30:17I'm not even sure
30:18fish experts know
30:19what a fish expert's called.
30:21A fish expert?
30:22Yeah.
30:22What are they called?
30:23Fishmonger?
30:24Captain Birdseye?
30:25Like a catches fish?
30:26Like a skipper?
30:27Like a, like a biologist?
30:28Oh, well, I think it doesn't really matter,
30:30I suppose.
30:31So, as this date starts
30:32like two single flat fish
30:34out of the water.
30:39Back at Sam's date
30:40with Mahan
30:41and after a nervy start
30:42the big question is
30:43is he still there?
30:45Well, is he?
30:46Is he?
30:47Is he?
30:48He is.
30:49I guess the fox hunt
30:50must be delayed or something.
30:51By the way,
30:52I don't watch
30:53Made in Chelsea.
30:54Oh, that's,
30:55that's perfect.
30:56Never watched it.
30:57Really?
30:57You swerved the bullet there, mate.
30:59Actually,
30:59I didn't know who you were.
31:01Amazing.
31:01No one really does,
31:02to be honest.
31:03Yeah, not unless
31:04you watch the show
31:04which, thankfully,
31:05she doesn't.
31:06You have a better
31:07reputation.
31:08Oh, shit.
31:10Huh?
31:11Okay.
31:12What's that all about?
31:13Reputation.
31:14Yeah.
31:17If you're having trouble
31:18remembering, Sam,
31:18we could give a couple
31:19of the Made in Chelsea
31:20girls a call.
31:21My reputation is
31:23probably not grey.
31:24Oh, my God.
31:27What does that mean?
31:28I've,
31:29what have I done?
31:30I've just been a bit,
31:31I've been young,
31:32for sure.
31:33So, you cheated?
31:34Huh?
31:35Have you cheated?
31:36I mean,
31:37that's a big word.
31:38I'll tell you
31:39what's a little word,
31:40yes.
31:41On our first
31:42one-to-one day,
31:44I wasn't expecting
31:44these questions
31:45to be so intense.
31:46I'm just trying
31:47to tuck into
31:48this salmon roll.
31:50What was your
31:50last relationship?
31:51Um,
31:52it was like,
31:53so it was
31:54eight months ago,
31:54officially.
31:55Yeah,
31:55about eight months.
31:56My official relationship
31:57broke up eight months ago.
31:58So, how long was that?
32:00Uh,
32:00two and a half years.
32:02Okay.
32:03My only concern is,
32:04like,
32:05are you actually,
32:05like,
32:06over your ex?
32:08Oh,
32:09and she's off again.
32:10I am,
32:12um,
32:12over,
32:13uh,
32:14yeah,
32:15I'm definitely,
32:15I'm just,
32:16I'm,
32:16I'm,
32:17I'm over my ex,
32:18for sure,
32:18but I'm just like,
32:20this is my first time
32:21nipping into dating.
32:22Yeah.
32:22But,
32:23uh,
32:23yeah.
32:25Oh, well,
32:25you totally convinced
32:26her there,
32:26I reckon.
32:27Nothing says,
32:27I'm over my ex,
32:28I'll wait in 10 seconds
32:29before answering,
32:30and then sup in some beer.
32:32Back at the Oyster Gap,
32:35Liv is finally receiving
32:37an incinerated slab of meat
32:38after hunky Jordan
32:39seems to have got
32:40her juices flowing.
32:42That looks lovely.
32:43Mm,
32:43another tin pot of chip here,
32:45is it?
32:46Do you have any mayonnaise,
32:47please?
32:48Oh, yeah.
32:49Mayo and a steak?
32:50Fuck off.
32:51Anything else?
32:53Very good,
32:53thank you.
32:54Yeah.
32:54Thanks.
32:55Mayonnaise with steak?
32:57No,
32:57with the chips.
32:59Would that give you
33:00the ick if I did
33:00with steak and mayonnaise?
33:02I'd put a red flag
33:03in the steak,
33:03shit on my chair
33:04and leave.
33:05That would have been,
33:05mm.
33:06I probably would do that
33:07if I was alone.
33:09What,
33:09with your steak?
33:10Yeah.
33:11Oh, well.
33:11Is that bad?
33:12Yeah.
33:13Really?
33:13Yeah.
33:14Oh, God.
33:15Are you obsessed with mayo?
33:17I like mayo,
33:18I wouldn't say
33:18I'm obsessed with mayo.
33:19They may have been
33:20chatting about condiments
33:21for the last 30 seconds,
33:22but it seems to be
33:23doing the trick.
33:23Daddy's sauce, anyone?
33:25Oh, thank you so much.
33:27It's all for him.
33:28But get her a straw
33:29just in case.
33:30I say enjoy that
33:30with your steak.
33:31With your steak,
33:32yeah, thanks.
33:33Oh, gosh.
33:35Gosh, is there any
33:36other, like, quirks?
33:37Any other quirks with me?
33:38Yeah.
33:39I'm trying to think
33:40of what's the most
33:40interesting fact about me.
33:42I used to like plane watching,
33:44plane radar, perhaps.
33:46I think that might have
33:47just killed Jordan's boner
33:48for the next six or seven years.
33:50I've got that one.
33:50Do you?
33:51Oh, hang on,
33:52he's rock hard for it.
33:53Boeing boner coming in on.
33:55I'm a golden subscriber.
33:57You're a gold subscriber?
33:59Yeah.
33:59To the plane radar app?
34:00Yeah, yeah.
34:01We've got a lot in common,
34:02so I think he's gone
34:04from a nine to a 9.5.
34:07Every time a helicopter
34:08comes over, I'm like,
34:09who's that?
34:10Right?
34:10And when you guess it
34:11and it's right,
34:12don't you just feel so good?
34:14And then, like,
34:15my parents, I'm like,
34:16do you know
34:16where that helicopter's going?
34:17Imagine if anyone
34:19was listening to our conversation
34:20right now.
34:21Don't worry,
34:22I think most viewers
34:22switched off
34:23when you put mayo
34:24on your steak.
34:27Meanwhile,
34:27across town,
34:28after a fishy start,
34:29self-proclaimed geek Mike
34:31has got his work cut out
34:32if he wants to hook Donna.
34:34But on the plus side,
34:35he hasn't mentioned
34:35his Lego sets once.
34:37So, you're from Liverpool?
34:38I am, yeah.
34:39Yeah?
34:39Obviously, with the accents.
34:40Great accent.
34:41My accents, I feel,
34:42have softened
34:43because I'm on the phone
34:44all day as part of my day job.
34:45When I was younger,
34:46I did a bit of acting
34:47and I host a podcast as well,
34:48so, like...
34:49Nice, OK.
34:49I talk a lot,
34:50so I need to be understood.
34:53And so you said
34:53that you host a podcast?
34:55I do, yeah.
34:56Right, time to impress Mike.
34:58Everyone loves a pod.
34:59It's a very nerdy podcast.
35:01I am very much a geek.
35:04Ooh, that is a long old sip.
35:06Hang in there, Donna.
35:07I wear my geekdom on my sleeve.
35:09Very proud of it.
35:10Yeah.
35:10It's called
35:10Attack of the 50-Foot Nerds.
35:12OK.
35:13Incredible title,
35:14but I don't think it's helping here.
35:16Mike's really nice,
35:18but at the moment,
35:19I don't think we have much in common.
35:21But, you know, we're here,
35:23so let's keep chatting.
35:25Right, Mara.
35:26Oh, wow.
35:26Thank you, my love.
35:27There we are. You're welcome.
35:28Wow, this looks banging.
35:29That looks incredible, actually.
35:31Fish and shapes.
35:31Lovely.
35:32Thank you very much.
35:33Thank you, boss.
35:34Doesn't look very curly to me.
35:36Send it back, Mike.
35:37What's your dating story?
35:38So, I was with someone
35:41for five and a bit years,
35:43maybe five and a half years.
35:44OK.
35:44That ended last April.
35:46So, what about yourself?
35:47Have you got any kids, or...?
35:48No kids.
35:48I've got a cat.
35:49OK.
35:50That's enough.
35:51Little fair baby.
35:51Yeah, Mr Biggs.
35:53He's an absolute legend.
35:54How old is he?
35:55He's 11 today.
35:57Oh, well, happy birthday, Mr Biggs.
35:59Thanks, babe.
36:00He'll appreciate that.
36:01He won't.
36:02My dog is 16 in a couple of weeks.
36:04Really?
36:04What dog have you got?
36:05He's a Jack Russell.
36:06Finally, something they can bond over.
36:08He lives with me ex.
36:09And he's a very, very old, frail boy at the moment.
36:12We don't think he's got long left.
36:14Keep it light, Mike.
36:15Oh, God.
36:16Yeah, maybe avoid the dog dying stuff and get stuck into your limp fissure a bit, Mike.
36:21Good lad.
36:21Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating, where bumbling blue blood Sam has been probed harder than an alien with an anal obsession.
36:41And I don't think I'm the only one to say, I've been quite enjoying it.
36:44What's your big no-go for a guy?
36:46No-go.
36:47Um, lying, cheating.
36:52Okay.
36:52You just look, you look down as soon as I said that.
36:54You just put your hand in your pocket and look down.
36:57Those are the things you do.
36:58It's fucking cold in here.
36:59What?
36:59It's so cold.
37:00I'm so cold.
37:01It's so chilly.
37:02That's probably the ghosts of girlfriends past chilling your veins with ice.
37:05I've cheated once, maybe twice.
37:08And it was, um, and it was, uh, this is not my last race, but this is before.
37:13And I can say something, I've also been cheated on.
37:17And it's probably the worst feeling in the world.
37:19And I think I'm, yeah.
37:21Is that when you decided that you're not going to cheat anymore?
37:24No, I hit, like, 25 and I was like, absolutely not.
37:27Yeah, man, leave that shit to the 24-year-olds.
37:29I'm going to run to the loop.
37:30Yeah, you do that.
37:32Well, hang on a minute.
37:33Do not let that man out of your sight.
37:35He's a flight risk and needs containing.
37:37That's it, we're going full lockdown.
37:39No one in, no one out.
37:40We need to locate him right now.
37:45No chance of our sexy plane spotters going off radar, though,
37:48as we head back to Liv and Jordan.
37:52What would you say your perfect date is?
37:57I don't know about perfect,
37:58but my first dates have always just been a dog walk, so, yeah.
38:03Like, when they say, what's your perfect date?
38:05I was like, buttersea dogs on.
38:07Let's go to buttersea.
38:08You know, that would have been, oh, the dream.
38:10Oh, he loves animals too.
38:12This boat just keeps getting dreamier by the second.
38:15That's literally one of my perfect dates.
38:17Really?
38:18Going on a walk.
38:19Grabbing a takeaway coffee and just going on a walk.
38:21In the countryside?
38:22Get your wellies on?
38:23Yeah, just anywhere quiet and peaceful.
38:26Nice little view.
38:27Hello.
38:27Hello.
38:28Is it Bill?
38:29It's great, thank you.
38:30I'll pay it on.
38:31Thanks, Jordan.
38:32No worries.
38:33Oh, what a gent.
38:34Cheers.
38:35Thanks for that.
38:36It's very sweet of you.
38:37How do you feel like the date's gone?
38:39I've enjoyed it.
38:40Have you?
38:40Yeah, apart from the mail.
38:42Okay, but we can get over that.
38:43Yeah, yeah.
38:44Over it enough to go on a second date?
38:46Absolutely, yeah.
38:47Yeah?
38:47I'd love to.
38:47Would you?
38:48Yeah, I'd love that.
38:49Fantastic.
38:50Boom, second date in the bag.
38:53Minus the mayo, though.
38:56This view's really nice, actually.
38:58Four hours it took us to get that boat in position,
39:00and now she notices.
39:01Thank you for a lovely day.
39:03It's been great to see you.
39:04See you soon.
39:05Look out for yourself.
39:05Safe journey back.
39:06See you soon.
39:07See you later.
39:07Bye.
39:08That date went really well, obviously,
39:10because I asked for a second date.
39:12Very good-looking, lived up to the photo.
39:15I think the day went really well, actually.
39:17She's a gorgeous girl.
39:18I was a bit underdressed, though.
39:20Liv's the type of girl I'd definitely go plane spotting with.
39:22I couldn't think of anyone I'd rather spot a plane with than Liv.
39:25If we'd known, we would have booked you into the Wagamamas at Gatwick North.
39:28Maybe I finally met someone that's actually mature,
39:32got their head screwed on, gentleman.
39:35It's got potential.
39:36Ooh, Liv might have just secured a co-pilot for the gala.
39:40Meanwhile, back in town, Don has yet to build anything meaningful with Lego legend Mike.
39:49But the night's still young for our chatterbox scouser to turn things round.
39:53What's your dream acting role?
39:56Oh, erm...
39:57She set this one up for you, mate.
39:58Just say magic, Mike.
39:59See, I've always seen myself as more like the friend.
40:03Oh, no.
40:03Has he just friend-zoned himself?
40:05I don't want to be the lead.
40:07Even in plays that I've written and then I've been in.
40:09I've always just been, like, the side guy with the funniest jokes.
40:13So you're a writer as well?
40:15Yeah, I've written a few different plays now.
40:17Yeah.
40:18Hello, Shakespeare.
40:19What are we talking?
40:20I wrote a play.
40:21It's a comedy murder mystery with all these funny chocolate pun character names.
40:25Ooh, Jack the Ripple, the milk sleigh man.
40:27I was born Ville the butler.
40:28Not bad.
40:29And Sir Toby Lerone gets murdered.
40:31Oh.
40:32You know.
40:32Decent.
40:33And then Harrybo has to come and investigate.
40:35That's not a chocolate, Mike, so you're going to have to up your game
40:38if you want to get into Donna's Snickers or up her whisper.
40:42I know that the agent's told me to give Mike a chance,
40:46but I feel like he is talking at me, not with me,
40:50and that's very difficult to kind of try and open the conversation up.
40:54I know I'm here to try new things, but this is not easy.
40:59Well, at least he hasn't brought up the Lego yet.
41:01I'm a big fan of Lego.
41:04Oh, fuck's sake, Mike.
41:05My mum and dad's spare room at the moment
41:07is basically full of boxes of Lego.
41:09Right.
41:10Oh, Jesus.
41:11He still lives with his parents and plays with his childhood toys.
41:14Got the horn yet, Donna?
41:15My birthday's coming up in a few weeks.
41:17Yeah.
41:17I've booked a week off work.
41:18Right.
41:19I'm going to build the old 1966 Adam West Batmobile.
41:23That's what I'm doing with my week.
41:25A week?
41:25How fucking big is it?
41:26Back with Sam and Mahan,
41:34and it looks like Sam is nowhere to be seen.
41:36I said he'd do a runner again, and he has.
41:38So I guess now we just have to sit and watch Mahan on her.
41:41Oh, here he is.
41:43Do you know what?
41:44I guess he did just need a shit after all.
41:45What is that?
41:46Smells delicious.
41:47My perfume?
41:48Yeah.
41:48John Malone.
41:49What is it, the ramen?
41:49Is it the ramen?
41:52It is the ramen.
41:53Very good.
41:53Funny.
41:54Very good.
41:55Mmm, parfum de bean sprout.
41:57I feel like the start of this date has not gone to plan.
42:00I feel like it's just been a little bit too much,
42:02but hopefully we can turn this around
42:03and make it a little bit more flirty and fun,
42:05more lighthearted.
42:07You're the first person in the industry who have, like,
42:09you, you...
42:10I was more excited about this date
42:12than I've been about any other day.
42:14That's it, Sam.
42:14Keep climbing yourself out of that hole.
42:16Not to disregard the lovely, beautiful people,
42:18but, like, you, you intrigued me, for sure.
42:21Okay, that's good to know.
42:22It's me being honest.
42:23Well, that mid-date shit seems to have worked wonders
42:26on his charm offensive.
42:27We should definitely do another date.
42:29I think we can have fun.
42:33Yeah, sure.
42:34Sure.
42:35That was good.
42:36Well, fair play to the man.
42:37He took a grin in, hopped off for a 20-minute dump
42:39and has somehow managed to salvage
42:41another date from the evening.
42:43What should we do next?
42:44We'll figure it out.
42:45I'm sure we can figure it out.
42:47Cheers to that.
42:48Cheers to that.
42:50Should we go?
42:55I really enjoyed today's date.
42:57Sam had a little bit of a dip during this process.
42:59I feel like I'm getting back to being Sam again.
43:03Let's just definitely go for a drink.
43:05Let's definitely, yeah, definitely.
43:06Let's do it.
43:06I feel great that he stayed the whole time.
43:09Yeah, the date was quite fun.
43:11My walls are still slightly up.
43:13The fact that I asked,
43:14have you cheated before?
43:15Are you over your ex?
43:16And both questions, he looked down.
43:19So that to me is a little bit worrying.
43:22Mahan, incredible, lovely, sweetheart.
43:24And I'm intrigued to see where it goes.
43:27Oh, it's lovely when the privileged get a break.
43:29It just doesn't happen enough in this world, does it?
43:30So, as they head off to continue their night...
43:35Across town, Donna's date is still yet to get going.
43:39And Lego-loving playwright Mike would need to pull something pretty special out of the bag for this one to receive a happy ending.
43:44So, you know my vice is obviously my Lego.
43:48What's yours?
43:49What's my vice?
43:50I'd say a margarita with a salty rim.
43:53I think that's a subtle code for bring me another fucking drink right now.
43:57I feel like I was right.
43:59Mike isn't the guy for me.
44:02There's no point in kind of dragging this out.
44:05So let's go home.
44:06Together?
44:07Separately.
44:08Ah, shame.
44:09Aw, well, thank you, Mike.
44:10Oh, thank you.
44:11It was lovely to meet you.
44:12Yeah, I've been having a lovely little time.
44:14Yeah.
44:14I'll say it well too, because I've got thousands of them because I ordered too many by accident.
44:18Right.
44:19Oh, Mike, please say it's not a Johnny.
44:21I'll give you my card.
44:22Oh, a business card.
44:24Still, a bit of an odd way to end a date.
44:26Lead host producer.
44:28Yeah.
44:29Attack of the...
44:29Oh, OK.
44:30This is the podcast.
44:31Yeah, yeah.
44:32I literally...
44:33I was only supposed to order 100 and I ordered 1,000 by accident.
44:35OK, so you're just giving them out.
44:37Well...
44:38Yeah.
44:38Yeah, but obviously it's people who, you know, I think would like one anyway.
44:42Yeah, OK.
44:43Oh, Mike, you may have many strengths Lego podcasters writing plays, but reading the signals clearly isn't one of them.
44:51Well, I'll give you a little hug.
44:53Yeah, yeah.
44:53I'll say my goodbye.
44:54Yeah, it's been a pleasure getting to know you.
44:57Oh, you take care, boy.
44:57Yeah, you too.
44:59See you later.
44:59Bye-bye.
45:00Bye-bye.
45:03It's not speed dating, my friend.
45:05You can leave now.
45:06I really enjoyed my date with Donna this evening.
45:08I think it went really well.
45:09She's obviously learned quite a lot about me.
45:10She certainly has.
45:12The date with Mike was educational.
45:14I think I know everything about Mike.
45:17I would like if she called me, yeah.
45:18I would drop me a text.
45:19Who knows?
45:19Yeah, we'll see.
45:20I'll say if she does, we'll see how things go from there.
45:23Maybe a fax.
45:24That should be on the business card, Donna.
45:26No vibe from me, no.
45:30But you know what?
45:31Mike is a lovely guy, and I wish him all the best.
45:34Oh, well, better luck next time, Mike.
45:36Now to the Batmobile.
45:38Sorry, I've always wanted to say that.
45:40Tomorrow night.
45:41Your dipsis has swollen to three times the size.
45:46There's cutting questions.
45:47Have you discussed money?
45:49That makes me uncomfortable.
45:50And awkward answers.
45:52Have you enjoyed any of your dates?
45:53No.
45:55As our celebs?
45:56They want me to ask, what are your intentions?
45:58And I'm going, are you my dad?
46:00Go.
46:00I would love to go for that drink with you again.
46:03I feel like I'm begging.
46:05Dating.
46:07Can you put your legs behind your head?
46:08Later.
46:09Later?
46:23I feel like I'm going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you going, are you
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