- 2 weeks ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Tonight!
00:01Your dipsis has swollen to three times the size.
00:05There's cutting questions.
00:07Have you discussed money?
00:09That makes me uncomfortable.
00:10And awkward answers.
00:12Have you enjoyed any of your dates?
00:14No.
00:15As our celebs, they want me to ask,
00:17what are your intentions?
00:18And I'm going, are you my dad?
00:20No!
00:21I would love to go for that drink with you again.
00:23I feel like I'm begging.
00:25Dating!
00:26Can you put your legs behind your head?
00:28Er, later.
00:29Later?
00:44Welcome to Celebs Go Dating,
00:46where our agency finale gala is bearing down on us
00:49like Will Smith at the Oscars.
00:52Hello!
00:54And ready to slap our celebs into shape
00:56are our experts of enchantment,
00:58who are already in the bloody office for once.
01:01Who do we have in today?
01:02Oh, so we've got Kerry and Paolo
01:05and Donna and Sam.
01:07So, actually, I must be off.
01:09Busy. Busy all day.
01:11Because the first batch aren't far off.
01:13Wow, look at that. Look at that.
01:15Thank you, T.
01:16Thanks, babe. Bye.
01:18Our time with the celebrities is coming to a close,
01:21so they do need to start deciding who, if anybody,
01:24they will be bringing with them to the gala.
01:26Some of them already know,
01:28which is why we have Kerry and Paolo coming in to see us today.
01:31Did any of us think we'd be at the point in this agency
01:35where Kerry was coming in with a partner?
01:38I actually had a tenor on her and the Beast hooking up.
01:41Kerry has a boyfriend.
01:43Kerry has a boyfriend.
01:44I was in the session when Kerry was first introduced to Paolo,
01:49and I saw how she handled that,
01:52and I think that she needs to be reminded of where she started.
01:55Yeah.
01:56So I'd love to be able to jump in.
01:57I want to know that they have the tools for long-term relationships.
02:00Absolutely.
02:01Girl, I'm about to have a panic attack.
02:05Well, you better get moving, cos here they are,
02:08looking like they've just got married
02:09or been to the small claims court.
02:11It's Kerry and Paolo.
02:14Ooh.
02:15Hello, celebrity dating agency.
02:17Hi, it's Kerry and Paolo.
02:19Oh, the two of you.
02:22Come in, dude.
02:24Am I ready?
02:25You're the same adult.
02:27Am I ready?
02:28Won't you love?
02:30To be loved?
02:33Oh, look at you both.
02:36Oh.
02:37I'm in a group home.
02:39Hello, hello.
02:42I'm overflowing with excitement.
02:45Seeing Kerry and her new squeeze Paolo makes me bubble up inside.
02:49In fact, I might uncork a dose of my effervescence.
02:53Don't worry, guys, there's a dry cleaners around the corner.
02:56You have a fan club here, practically.
02:58Oh, really?
02:59Oh, yes.
03:00It's nice, isn't it?
03:01Nice, isn't it?
03:02What?
03:03Oh.
03:04Look at you both.
03:06Oh, gosh, I'm cock a hoop.
03:09I really am.
03:10You'll cock her anything.
03:12So are those three bathed in Tom's effervescence?
03:16Across town, the only thing S Club John and his hot hairdresser
03:19Jordan have been bathing in is each other's love.
03:22And maybe a hot tub.
03:24Ever since locking lips on their first date, they've been inseparable.
03:29And officially tied each other down at the brunch.
03:32I'm only, like, a one-person guy, and Jordan said the same,
03:36so officially off the market, yeah, so...
03:38Wow!
03:39Oh, my God!
03:41But shit is about to get real for these two lovebirds,
03:45as someone very exciting is about to join this S Club party.
03:48It's only bloody S Club Joe!
03:51I'm really excited for Joe to meet Jordan today.
03:53Joe's my best mate.
03:54I've known her for 28 years, so, yeah, I can't wait for her to meet Jordan.
03:58I know that she's, like, a big sister to John, so...
04:01He really, really does genuinely love Joe to bits.
04:04So, yeah, obviously I do want to make a good impression on her.
04:08Maybe I'll give her a free ur-do. I don't know.
04:10Fix that fringe of hers.
04:13Maybe don't leave you that.
04:14I am going to say I'm a little bit nervous, to be honest.
04:17Why?
04:18I don't know.
04:19He's your mate, so...
04:20Joe's just like me and a better wig.
04:23Seriously, that's it.
04:25Hopefully we'll have a good time.
04:26You will do. You will do.
04:27Well, let's find out, shall we?
04:29Here she comes!
04:30Some proper pop royalty.
04:32It's S Club Joe!
04:35With John being my best mate,
04:37I definitely need to know what his intentions are
04:39because he's not going to go around hurting my boy, that's for sure.
04:42First rule of S Club, don't mess with S Club.
04:45Good luck, Jordan.
04:48Oh, here she comes.
04:49I'm coming.
04:50Pink lady.
04:51Pink lady today.
04:52You look gorgeous.
04:53You look lovely.
04:54Look at us in the summers.
04:55I know.
04:56You want me?
04:57Yeah.
04:58Hello.
04:59This is Jordan.
05:00Nice to meet you.
05:01How are you doing?
05:02I'm really good.
05:03Thank you, so do you.
05:04Thanks.
05:05Oh, let's get into it.
05:07I didn't know what you wanted, so I just got your usual.
05:09Oh, slippery nipple with extra nipple.
05:11Delicious.
05:12Oh, thank you so much.
05:14Cheers, everyone.
05:15Cheers, guys.
05:16This is nice.
05:17Eyes.
05:18Eyes.
05:19Eyes.
05:20Eyes.
05:21Eyes.
05:22How's things?
05:23How's it all been going?
05:24Yeah, good.
05:25It's very, very exciting.
05:26It's nice to see you, Happy.
05:28It makes a change, doesn't it?
05:29Well, I don't see you smile much.
05:30He's not a natural...
05:31He's miserable.
05:32He's not a natural-born smiler, is John.
05:33What was John like an s-bub?
05:35Similar to now, bit less forehead.
05:36Well, I think where John was so young, he was still trying to find himself a lot, weren't
05:48you, really?
05:49Like, especially being gay and having to keep it all completely hidden away.
05:54Yeah.
05:55Yeah.
05:56And I think when you're that age and in the public eye, it's...
05:59It's hard for anyone, isn't it?
06:00It's hard.
06:01It's hard.
06:02Yeah, it is.
06:03And I don't think people really appreciate how hard it actually probably was for you.
06:06Because...
06:07Because we all knew.
06:08We didn't take no notice.
06:09Yeah.
06:10It's just like...
06:11You know what I mean?
06:12It was a normal thing, weren't it?
06:13Yeah.
06:14But...
06:15He's a bit of a gay icon, isn't he?
06:16Oh, yeah.
06:17Absolutely not.
06:18It wasn't for me anywhere.
06:19And me.
06:20Look at him.
06:21I mean, and you know what?
06:22I've got to say, I never thought, if I'm being completely honest, that you would ever meet
06:27anyone.
06:28Neither did I.
06:29I just didn't.
06:30Nothing like a confidence boost from your best mate.
06:34From one pop princess to another now, as back at the agency, Kerry is heading up to see
06:39the agents with Paolo.
06:41Ka-Paolo, go with it, have been hitting it off big style, with Kerry even introducing
06:46him to daughter Heidi, and Bezzy Danielle isn't that Mel B's sister Brown.
06:51I really like Kerry.
06:52We get on very well.
06:54You're making my friend happy, basically.
06:57Hello.
06:58Hi.
06:59That's the one we met.
07:00We heard, we heard.
07:01Here he is.
07:02Here he is.
07:03Good.
07:04You are both looking so posh.
07:06Are you gang?
07:07Are we diddling?
07:08Please get comfortable.
07:09All right?
07:10You're all right?
07:11Yeah.
07:12My man, how are you doing?
07:13I'm not too bad.
07:14It's nice to see you again.
07:15How do you feel being here?
07:16Good.
07:17Good.
07:18To be honest, I think Kerry is more nervous than me.
07:20I think I'm pretty sure.
07:22Okay.
07:23Let's start with Paolo.
07:26You made a visit to Kerry's, we'll say the friendship family circle.
07:31Paolo met my best friend, Danielle.
07:33And Heidi was there.
07:34It was a really nice experience.
07:36She's a big strong character.
07:37Obviously you have to be if you're going to be close friends with Kerry as well.
07:41What are you laughing at?
07:46Strong character and some ear defenders, wouldn't I miss?
07:50You could see that Kerry and Paolo are serious about each other.
07:53But I'm going to need to ask some difficult questions if they're going to move forward long term.
07:58So what would you say has been the hardest part of the relationship so far?
08:03For me, it's the press.
08:05I've sat him down.
08:06I've prepped him.
08:08I said, don't reply to anybody.
08:10Don't comment on anything.
08:12They're going to go into your friends, your family.
08:14They'll look into your past.
08:15The press put pictures of me topless, right?
08:17I used to be a PT.
08:19Jesus Christ.
08:20Look at the size of him.
08:21Any more of those photos knocking about?
08:26A lot of the comments were like, oh, it's like he's got no brain cells in his head.
08:29Or there was once a time where that would have really impacted me.
08:33Now, I don't take that on board because that's their own projection.
08:36Because I care about this person a lot and I see a strong future.
08:40There's nothing that can be really thrown at us right now that we can't discuss, communicate on and talk about really as well.
08:47That's a big thing.
08:48It was like I said to you, please don't read it in the comments.
08:50Yeah.
08:51And he sent a message back on, they're empty words.
08:52Literally are.
08:53It's people just projecting their own emptiness on you.
08:57I've blocked out the noise because I'm really enjoying this connection and I just want to see it grow.
09:03The connection's been mind blowing, I'm not going to lie.
09:07It's been...
09:08Yeah, it has.
09:09I've not experienced anything like it.
09:10Honestly, it's like he's always been there.
09:13It's so amazing, but I'm also very aware that it's being played out for everybody to see and watch.
09:19And that I don't like.
09:21Yeah, that can happen on a TV dating show.
09:24I mean, this is better than each one of us could have expected.
09:28Let me hit you with very challenging questions for couples to see how much you've talked about this.
09:33Who's doing the bins?
09:34OK, so the first is, have you discussed marriage?
09:37I'd marry Paolo in a heartbeat. I think he's amazing. I really would.
09:41Good to see after three marriages, she's learned to take it slow.
09:45Second question.
09:47This is a big topic.
09:49If you look down why couples divorce, right at the top is always around finances, right?
09:56It gets ugly.
09:57Have you discussed if you're going to co-mingle the money?
10:01That makes me uncomfortable.
10:03Money makers, I've always been used to money. I've always been the breadwinner.
10:06And this is unusual for me, having somebody else pay for things.
10:11Paolo, you know what the press is going to say.
10:13The press is going to say, look at this young boy toy that Carrie has and she's paying for everything.
10:19Yeah.
10:20So already, get ahead of that by having the discussion right now.
10:24So therefore, when the drama comes, you've already decided what your values are and what the execution play is going to be.
10:31100%.
10:32Right? I think that's going to be important.
10:34I say before you even talk about marriage, you need to be talking about money.
10:39Basically, what they're saying is no prenup, no bunk up, right?
10:47Speaking of money, before marriage, coming in hot from the Hogwarts Express, it's Sam, that ain't no wand in my pocket, Prince.
11:01Hello, celebrity dating agency.
11:03Hey, Tom.
11:04Oh, hello, Sammy. Come in.
11:07Hello, Sammy. Hello.
11:10How are you?
11:11How are you? Good to see you.
11:13Oh, lovely to see you.
11:14Lovely to see you.
11:15Make yourself comfy.
11:16I'm not going to take this off, it's okay?
11:17Please, strip if you like.
11:19Yeah.
11:20Has he got two of the same shirt on?
11:22Yeah, double beige, babes.
11:24Well, I wore a little green today because your dipsis has swollen to three times the size, you know.
11:39Get some Savla on that, Tom Sharpish.
11:40I moved it to my bedroom and it's got so stonking.
11:43That's good.
11:44I think it's because I've put a champagne bottle in it.
11:45You put a champagne bottle in it?
11:46Mmm.
11:47This is what I do.
11:48I shove it into the root.
11:49I hope you took the cork out at least.
11:50You're gonna wanna...
11:51One day.
11:52While those two talk fierce, let's see if things have gone flat over with the Triple Js.
11:55John, Jordan and Joe.
11:56What are your intentions, Jordan?
11:57Um...
11:58Yeah, I'm hoping that, obviously, me and John continue this and see what happens.
11:59Like, I genuinely love...
12:00Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
12:01Did he just drop off?
12:02No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
12:05I'm gonna...
12:06One day.
12:07While those two talk fierce, let's see if things have gone flat over with the Triple Js.
12:11John, Jordan and Joe.
12:13What are your intentions, Jordan?
12:15Erm...
12:16Yeah, I'm hoping that, obviously, me and John continue this and see what happens.
12:23Like, I genuinely love...
12:26Whoa, whoa, whoa!
12:27Did he just drop the L-bomb?
12:28Being with him.
12:30False alarm, everyone.
12:31Stand down, stand down.
12:32Sorry, Katona's got to me.
12:33When I say love, I just mean, like, I love.
12:35Yeah.
12:36It's because he's northern.
12:37I know, yeah.
12:38Sorry about love.
12:39Yeah.
12:40And I hear that you're a hairdresser.
12:41I am.
12:42Which is fantastic.
12:43What do you think of my fringe?
12:44Uh-oh!
12:45Say it looks amazing, Jordan.
12:46Don't look, don't hesitate.
12:48Just say it's the best fringe in the history of fringes.
12:51I mean, I...
12:54Jordan!
12:55Say you like it, Jordan!
12:57Yeah, he's fucked it.
13:03All the good, good feelings.
13:08Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating, where S Club John's squeeze Jordan is in a close shade,
13:14after S Club Joe quizzed him on a fringe.
13:17Don't get snippy now.
13:18I mean, I...
13:20I...
13:21generally prefer you without a fringe,
13:24because you've got good born scuddle, right?
13:26He ain't for you.
13:27Yeah, seriously though, don't fuck with a fringe.
13:33While those three laugh it up, back at the agency, P-Dog has some serious questions for Kerry and Paolo.
13:39You know, we haven't talked about age difference.
13:41So what's the age difference between the two of you?
13:43Eleven years.
13:44Eleven years.
13:45OK, so...
13:46He's older.
13:47Clearly!
13:49So, so, have you at all felt that difference?
13:53Not really.
13:54That age difference at all?
13:55No, not really.
13:56At first, for me, it was a big deal.
13:58I think that's my own insecurity.
13:59It's more of a my problem than it was his problem.
14:02Yeah.
14:03Paolo's such an old soul, I think, and he's got...
14:05And I'm such an immature...
14:08I've not really grown up yet.
14:10So we kind of just, like, meet in the middle.
14:12He's into MILFs, anyway.
14:14MILFs, gilfs, great gilfs.
14:16I'm not fussy.
14:18Do you think she's a MILF?
14:19I think she's a MILF.
14:21There we go.
14:22Oh, my God.
14:23You could see Carrie and Paolo are into each other, which is great.
14:26Now's the time to apply what we've been teaching them
14:29so they can guarantee their future together.
14:31We want this to go forever.
14:33Yeah.
14:34So do we.
14:35100%, yeah.
14:36And that's the reason why it's so important to talk about these things ahead of time.
14:39Lots to think about.
14:40Thank you very much.
14:41Thank you so much.
14:42All right, I need to go change my toxins sweating that much.
14:46Thank you so much, guys.
14:49Thank you so much for your time.
14:50Enjoy the rest of your work.
14:51All right, see you later.
14:52See you later, guys.
14:53Bye, darling.
14:54My turn.
14:55Now, go on.
14:56Okay.
14:57See you later.
14:58Let's go.
14:59Carrie Katona is in a committed relationship.
15:02I think it's the honeymoon period.
15:04And they need to have these tough conversations that we're asking them to have
15:07or they'll never be able to survive it.
15:09With those two lovebirds flapping off into the sunset,
15:14there's still one cross-examination to finish.
15:19Let's see how S Club Jon and Jordan's hair-raising drink is going.
15:23Can you sing?
15:24No, I've heard him sing.
15:25Oh, you can't sing.
15:26Terrible.
15:27He's got this one going on.
15:28All right, sexy dad at a wedding.
15:31Okay.
15:32Okay.
15:33That's good to see.
15:34That's it.
15:35Top off the whole jibang.
15:36I look forward to that.
15:38You two are very, very cute together.
15:40You make a lovely couple.
15:42I think we do make quite a good couple, actually.
15:44You really, really do.
15:45And you've got a very beautiful, kind face.
15:47Good eyes.
15:48Yeah.
15:49You can see a lot about a person through the eyes.
15:52And even more from a stool sample.
15:54It's about time.
15:55I've told mummy.
15:56That never gets less creepy, does it?
15:58Oh, mummy.
15:59Well, this must be quite a seriousy sort of thing.
16:01Yeah.
16:02Oh, you're going to love her.
16:03She wants her for you, I do.
16:04Yeah.
16:05Basically.
16:06Oh, yeah, of course.
16:07So do I.
16:08Yeah.
16:09Oh, no.
16:10Do you know what?
16:11You've got my stamp of approval.
16:12Aw.
16:13Aw, great.
16:14Now, about that fringe.
16:15It's nice to finally meet you, so cheers.
16:17Yeah.
16:18Cheers to you guys.
16:19Cheers, everyone.
16:20Cheers, guys.
16:21Thanks.
16:22I'm really, really happy for both of you.
16:23I really am.
16:24It's nice to see.
16:25Thanks, mate.
16:26Aw.
16:27It was great.
16:28I mean, I always loved seeing Joe, and I think she genuinely really liked Jordan.
16:32I think she would have told me otherwise.
16:34She would have told him otherwise, I think, as well.
16:35And he seemed to get on with her really well.
16:37I absolutely adored Jordan.
16:39I thought he was everything.
16:41If I could handpick someone for John, that would be it.
16:46And I really hope that I will be putting that hat on very, very soon.
16:50It's really nice that Jordan started to meet my friends.
16:53Obviously, Joe's the first one.
16:54And then, obviously, the big one is mummy.
16:57You've got to stop that mummy milk.
16:59I'm very excited, but still very keen to just take it one day at a time.
17:03But the future is looking very good.
17:05Oh, lovely stuff.
17:06And not one shitty S Club 7 pun.
17:08Really great work, guys.
17:10Yeah, the future's bright.
17:12Definitely.
17:13I think I will be reaching for the stars.
17:16Oh, for fuck's sake.
17:17Right, I'm telling mummy.
17:19While JJ head off, back at the agency, Sam and Tom are unbelievably still talking about greenery.
17:27There's something about house farms that just, they just do it for me.
17:30Weirder.
17:33Hello?
17:34Hi, T.
17:35Do you have Sam there?
17:36Yes, he is.
17:37Oh, no.
17:38I was really enjoying that three-hour chat about plants.
17:41Shame.
17:42Great, yeah.
17:43Paul now are ready.
17:44You could just send him up, please.
17:45Yes, certainly.
17:46All right.
17:47Bye, darling.
17:48Well...
17:49Am I off?
17:50My Baron of Botany.
17:51These are my favourite days, you know.
17:52I love the dating, but this is...
17:53Do you?
17:54Oh, yeah.
17:55Oh, well, you're always welcome, you know.
17:57Thank you so much.
17:58Mi casa zu casa.
17:59Tom, thank you.
18:00You're very, very welcome.
18:02Enormous luck.
18:03Oh, he's gonna need it.
18:05At the brunch, Sam was feeling the squeeze with Mahan after flouncing out of their double date.
18:10OK, Mahan, will you give Sam a second chance of going on a date with him again?
18:13Yeah.
18:14I would like to get to know him a little bit better.
18:16And even then, it was not plain sailing for him.
18:18More plane crashing into the sea and exploding into a shower of shit.
18:22You're quite intriguing.
18:23Am I?
18:24Yeah.
18:25Even though you walked out on the date?
18:26Oh, yeah, I did.
18:28But despite the turbulence, he still managed to bag a post-date drink.
18:32Let's definitely go for a drink.
18:34Yeah, definitely.
18:35Let's do it.
18:36Come in.
18:40Hello.
18:41Sam.
18:42Sam the man.
18:43How are you?
18:44You know, we're really good.
18:45How are you?
18:46I'm good.
18:47You guys always look so macular.
18:48Well, same to you.
18:49Always so done up.
18:50Oh, they know, Sam.
18:52They know.
18:53So, let's talk about Mahan.
18:54Tell us about how that date went.
18:55We went to this ramen place.
18:57Yeah?
18:58Which is great.
18:59Seeing you slurping up some ramen, that's exactly the date I want to see you in.
19:01Bit messy, you know?
19:02So, good date?
19:03Good date, yeah.
19:04Not great.
19:05When I like someone, I'm so in.
19:07Ah.
19:08I haven't had that feeling with Mahan.
19:10But I think she's beautiful, she's a bit older, I think it's quite interesting too.
19:13There you go.
19:14So, we asked Mahan if she thought you two made a good match.
19:18And she said, we have things in common.
19:20So do I and a horse, but I don't want to date one.
19:23So, I feel that yes, we could be good for each other.
19:28Okay?
19:29Good.
19:30We asked Mahan if she would like to see you again.
19:33And she said, she doesn't know.
19:37She said, he changes his mind so quickly, it feels like he's telling me what I want to hear.
19:44For example, after the date, when he asked me for a drink, but then left straight away.
19:50What?
19:51He's done another runner?
19:52I did obviously say, let's go for a drink and then I just get in the car.
19:55But did you tell her that?
19:56Yeah, I said I'm going.
19:57But previous to that, you said, let's go for another drink?
20:00Yeah, I did, yeah.
20:01And then you turned?
20:02And then I went home.
20:03Okay.
20:04Okay.
20:05Okay.
20:06Sam continues to do this again and again on his dates.
20:10We've tried talking to him, but he just doesn't listen.
20:13He has a hard head.
20:14So it's now time to put him on the spot.
20:16And here she is.
20:18Only joking.
20:19I wish.
20:20I think you should call her.
20:22What now?
20:23You should totally call Mahan.
20:25Right now?
20:26What, right now?
20:27As in, right now now?
20:28Yes, why not?
20:29Oh yes, fucking please.
20:31While those three work out the agency Wi-Fi code, downstairs our next celeb, Seeking Connection,
20:37is arriving.
20:38It's our very own human hotspot, Donna Preston.
20:42Oh!
20:44Oh, my chum.
20:46Come in, love.
20:48We got the vibe, so powerful.
20:50We got the grace, we got the love.
20:55Sunshine, my only sunshine.
21:00You make me happy when skies are grey.
21:04You'll never know, dear, how much I love you.
21:08So have I taken acid?
21:09What the fuck is this?
21:11Please don't take my sunshine away.
21:17Well, that's enough of that, bollocks.
21:18Back upstairs then, to see Sam pluck up the courage to ask Mahan on another day.
21:23This is my chance.
21:24My hair looks good.
21:26Come on, Sam.
21:27Time to make it up to her.
21:28Try not to hang up in a panic and jump out the window.
21:30Here we go.
21:33Oh, Mahan!
21:34Hello.
21:35Hi.
21:36I'm good, how are you?
21:37I'm good.
21:38How was your weekend?
21:39My weekend was...
21:40I had a lovely time.
21:41Yeah.
21:42I really enjoyed our day, by the way.
21:45Oh, yeah, I thought we got on well.
21:47You enjoyed the ramen.
21:48You did a runner again.
21:50I enjoyed our chat.
21:51I think it was sweet.
21:53No, the day itself went really well, I agree.
21:58Like, I had a really good time with you.
22:00And then, obviously, we were supposed to go for a drink, and then you bounced up.
22:03So, I was a little bit confused.
22:05Yeah, I would...
22:06I just wanted an early night.
22:07Yeah, and he couldn't find a plant sitter.
22:10But I...
22:11I would love to go for that drink with you again.
22:19Um...
22:20We... I mean...
22:23I feel like I'm begging.
22:25That's because you are.
22:46Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating, where Sam is fumbling like a mole after a cataract operation
22:51as he tries to convince Mahan to go on another date.
22:54Sam, not the mole.
22:56I think we just need to get to know each other more.
23:01Especially after what happened, you know, in...
23:03when we went to, uh, the vineyard.
23:06Ah, the first time you ran out on a great days.
23:10Are you sure?
23:12That's great.
23:14Was that a yes?
23:15Okay.
23:16Sounds good.
23:17Really look forward to seeing you.
23:18Bye-bye.
23:19Imagine what she'd be like if she wasn't looking forward to it.
23:23Guys, FaceTime's not my thing.
23:26We could tell.
23:27That was miserable though, man.
23:28Thanks, man.
23:30That was miserable.
23:32You know why, Sam?
23:33Why?
23:34Because that's...
23:35You're having to actually do you.
23:37Yeah.
23:38This is real.
23:39Okay?
23:40This is real life.
23:41Okay?
23:42And I think that is the challenge that you have.
23:44Do you know what it is?
23:45I feel like I haven't...
23:47I haven't been able to fully be me at times.
23:49Yeah.
23:50Because this is how it feels.
23:51Yeah.
23:52Right?
23:53You've come here and you've been very intentional about showing a different side.
23:57But unfortunately, that different side that you've shown is not your true self.
24:03It's a version of yourself.
24:06In order for us to truly help you, we have to know truly who you are.
24:13Well, the way that someone knows you give a vague shit is by asking better questions.
24:18Ask her, where do you see yourself in 10 years' time?
24:21I haven't shared that once.
24:22What's your favourite colour and self?
24:23No one cares about what your favourite food is.
24:24No one gives a shit about your holiday.
24:25I didn't use that check.
24:26No one cares about your favourite zoo animal.
24:28Pizza, Lanzarote, Capybara.
24:30If Sam wants to make any progress, he needs to get real.
24:34It's great that he wants to change the perception around him,
24:37but only he can make this real change.
24:39He just needs to drop the facade and turn up to date as his real self.
24:45But who is the real Sam Prince?
24:47Sam, thank you.
24:48I really hope you feel that we do have, you know, nothing but love for you.
24:52Thank you, guys.
24:53I appreciate you all.
24:55Much love.
24:56Have fun with Mahana.
24:57We can't wait to hear how it goes.
24:58Thank you, guys.
24:59Bye-bye.
25:10As Captain Bage buggers off, across town the man with more brain cells than I've had hot dinners,
25:16and I've had a shitload, Mark is on his way to his third date with Deanne.
25:20I'm really looking forward to seeing Deanne again.
25:22She's fantastic.
25:23I know she'll look amazing.
25:25Last time we saw Mark, he was on a date with Josie, and despite her being a keen bean...
25:30I can't cook, Mark.
25:31If you want to get married, I can't cook.
25:33But I'm brilliant at maths.
25:34Give me 244 times... whatever.
25:38Mark only had eyes for one lady.
25:40She was nice but wasn't for me.
25:42Can I have another date with Deanna, please?
25:44Well, I'm not saying no to him.
25:45He's fucking enormous.
25:49The agents want me to do her homework to basically put her on the spot a bit more.
25:54And almost like, what are her intentions?
25:56Is she planning to seduce me or something?
25:58You'll know if she brings a box to stand on.
26:00We already established I'm useless at reading romantic cues.
26:04I more or less go on what they say.
26:06And occasionally little things like, is she smiling or whatever?
26:09That's about it.
26:11Well, keep them peeled, Beastie, and who knows?
26:13You might be in a cab to Snogsville.
26:17Someone whose journey to Snogsville has been delayed by a stop off at Shit Date Junction
26:21is Donna, who is heading up to see the agents.
26:25Hello!
26:26Donna!
26:27My queen!
26:28You look fantastic.
26:29Why, thank you.
26:30Ray of sunshines.
26:32Are you okay?
26:34We are fabulous.
26:35Yes!
26:36How are you?
26:37I'm good, thank you.
26:39Donna's last date with Mike got off to a shaky start.
26:43You host a podcast.
26:44What's that about?
26:45I do, yeah.
26:46I wear my geekdom on my sleeve.
26:47Very proud of it.
26:48Yeah.
26:49It's called Attack of the 50 Foot Nerds.
26:50Okay.
26:51And then got shakier, keeled over, and fell into a ditch on fire.
26:56I'm a big fan of Lego.
26:57My birthday's coming up in a few weeks.
26:59Yeah.
27:00I've booked a week off work.
27:01Right.
27:02I want to build the old 1966 Adam West Batmobile.
27:05Right.
27:06I think she's more of a Michael Keaton fan.
27:09Mike was really sweet.
27:11No spark.
27:13Just not my cup of tea.
27:16Huh.
27:17Yeah.
27:18Well, that sounds like a shit date, and I'm sorry.
27:20Remind me who sets them up, Dr. T.
27:23I'm not saying it wasn't a crack date.
27:24Yes.
27:25You'd already picked out flaws.
27:27But he did look like my ex.
27:29We've noticed that Donna is shutting dates down quite quickly.
27:32If she's not finding any connection, that really is fine, because, I mean, it does just happen.
27:37However, my concern is that Donna isn't giving these guys a chance, and if she's not doing that, then basically she's self-sabotaging her chances at finding love.
27:46Have you enjoyed any of your dates that you've been on so far at the agency?
27:50Mmm, no.
27:52I enjoyed Gary's banter with the old Gazza.
27:57We had a good time.
27:59I just don't think I've connected with anyone yet.
28:03How do you know that something is brewing there?
28:06I feel like I have touched base on love with someone who I couldn't have because they were in an arranged marriage.
28:15And that feeling was just incredible.
28:19It was like something, like I was, it sounds bizarre, but I was, I felt nauseous because I was so excited.
28:27You know, and he made me laugh all the time and he cared.
28:31But I don't know if that was real.
28:34I'm not sure.
28:35So, yeah, maybe, I don't know.
28:39Was it love or was it infatuation?
28:42Probably.
28:43It was probably infatuation.
28:45It's confusing.
28:47I have experienced both.
28:48I mean, I still do.
28:50But I think infatuation can be extremely strong.
28:54Yeah.
28:55That most people I know can't distinguish.
28:58But so what's the difference between that and love then?
29:01Love is a combination of intimacy, passion and commitment.
29:06Okay.
29:07Okay.
29:08And love is also a verb.
29:10It's an action.
29:12It isn't just a feeling.
29:13Okay.
29:14It's an action.
29:15While Donna discovers love.
29:20Someone else on the lookout for action is Mark, who is taking Deanne out for a curry on their third date where he wants to work out what her intentions are for him.
29:29I love his personality.
29:31I love the way he is.
29:33We're taking every day as it comes.
29:36And we'll go from there.
29:38Sounds hopeful, Beastie.
29:40Let's get on with it.
29:41Hello there.
29:42Hello.
29:43Wow, you look amazing, as always.
29:46Straight in for the shoulder kiss, saucy boy.
29:50Well, gorgeous weather.
29:52I know.
29:53Beautiful companion.
29:54And curry.
29:55Don't go too heavy on the spice though Mark.
29:58You don't want to be asking Deanne to the gala from the gents.
30:01We're on the date.
30:02It's going well.
30:03Now to keep my eyes peeled for any signs that she might find me attractive.
30:06So these were the old spice warehouses, I believe, when they were in the city of London.
30:12And they've converted it.
30:16Oh really?
30:17That's why the design is.
30:18They were big warehouses and offices on top.
30:21Presumably were pretty close to the docks where they bought the spices and stuff from all over the world.
30:27Fascinating.
30:30You know, I love history.
30:31I absolutely love history.
30:33I mean, I don't know about Deanne, but I find Beastie way more attractive after that history lesson.
30:38Dock me.
30:42Anyway, back at the agency, Donna is looking for help trying to put her dating disasters in the past.
30:48What is your dating goal or relationship goal?
30:51I think at the moment, it's to have a nice first date.
30:55To laugh on a first date.
30:57Right.
30:58And that's...
31:00Just got to get that first.
31:01Yeah, okay.
31:02And then we can think about the second and the third and so on.
31:07Are you excited to go on a date?
31:14If I am honest, no.
31:19If I'm really thinking about it, I'm not excited.
31:22I just can't be fucked to get ready again, if I'm honest.
31:25Mm-hmm.
31:26Mm-hmm.
31:27You know?
31:28I'm wasting all these bloody eyelashes.
31:29I get it.
31:30I'm wasting all this bloody makeup and setting spray.
31:33You look fierce.
31:34You look hot.
31:35Yeah.
31:36Okay?
31:37And try and think of the dates, not as a chore.
31:39You know, the dating pool, you know, you have to be in it to win it.
31:42Okay?
31:43You really do.
31:44Yeah.
31:45Yeah.
31:46Yeah.
31:47Okay, the only way to really find that perfect person, or as near as, that fits for you,
31:51is to get out there, kid, and get those lashes on, and go and try again and again and again,
31:57because you never know what you could be missing out on.
32:01Okay, on that note, should we show your next date?
32:04Oh, my God, yeah!
32:05Come on, man!
32:06Let's go!
32:07Oh, my God!
32:08Oh, my God!
32:09There you go.
32:10God, okay.
32:11Bloody hell, someone's perked up.
32:12Ben.
32:13Ben?
32:14Billy Rickey!
32:15Come on, win!
32:16Electrician, 37, six foot, a Virgo, like someone fiery.
32:20Okay.
32:21That's what we're thinking about.
32:22Oh, Betty Boy there, wearing a white jeans.
32:24Oh, my God!
32:25Oh, my God!
32:26Oh, my God!
32:27Oh, my God!
32:28Oh, my God!
32:29That old Benny Boy there, wearing a white jean.
32:32White jeans is a confident man.
32:34Oh, um, yeah.
32:37Ben looks sweet.
32:39Okay, well, she's not completely shut it down, yet.
32:42Bare minimum, we want you to have fun.
32:44Yes.
32:45We want to have something that makes you feel good,
32:46that you walk away and you're like, you know what?
32:47That was worth sticking my lashes on.
32:49Shove all the ones that haven't worked out for you to the side.
32:52They've just been the warm-up act for Ben.
32:54Okay.
32:55For Ben.
32:56Mm-hmm.
32:57Benny Boy.
32:58Come on then, Ben.
33:00Have fun.
33:01Cheers.
33:02Goodbye.
33:03Bye, Dal.
33:05Bye.
33:06Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.
33:11She's deflated.
33:12We know that happens when you have a couple of crap dates,
33:14one after the other.
33:15It's hard to motivate, but it only takes one person.
33:19While Donna heads out looking for the one,
33:21the man who seems to meet the one on every date, Louis,
33:24is arriving for his third date with Harriet.
33:29But one was not enough for our man at the brunch,
33:31as he asked both Alana and Harriet out, greedy boy.
33:34I really get on with both of you two.
33:37So, if you would like to go on a date, Harriet and Alana.
33:43But his date with Alana fizzled out quicker than an underwater fireworks display.
33:49It's no point, like, dragging something along.
33:54I've got a train to catch.
33:55Oh, you've got a train?
33:56Yeah.
33:58So, let's hope this goes better, or he could be heading to the gala on his own.
34:02My game plan is just being myself.
34:04Throughout the whole experience, I've had pressure of, like,
34:06Liv or other girls and boundaries and all this...
34:09Scheiser.
34:10Oh, I didn't know he's back on the Deutsche.
34:12So, now, I'm going to go in there and just be myself.
34:15Hopefully, we'll have some fun.
34:17I'm still not going to kiss her,
34:18because I told myself I ain't going to do that no more.
34:20You've just got to start listening to yourself now.
34:23Have I kissed every single girl that I've tried to?
34:25Erm, I think I've lost count.
34:28That's outrageous.
34:30This is my second date with Louis.
34:31I'm really excited, because at the brunch,
34:33I got a really good vibe from him,
34:35but I feel a little uneasy.
34:37If Louis is serious about me,
34:38I want him to make it known today
34:40that it's just me and only me.
34:42I'm just wanting an answer.
34:43She sounds like she means business, Lulu.
34:48Hello.
34:49Hello, hello.
34:50How are you doing?
34:51I'm good, thank you. How are you?
34:52I'm good, I'm good.
34:53You look nice.
34:54I appreciate it. You look great too.
34:57You've bowled before, have I?
34:58Yeah, have you?
34:59Nah, I've never bowled.
35:00See you shit.
35:02I wouldn't say shit.
35:03Nah, he's lying, Harriet.
35:04He strikes me as a man who knows his way around the lanes.
35:09Okay, maybe not.
35:10Alright, let me see it then.
35:12You've got a little curl on that.
35:16You alright, Lulu?
35:17There we go.
35:18She does it when it matters.
35:19Harriet is smashing me at bowling, but when you look that good, I don't mind a bit of competition.
35:32No, you're ready to hit me.
35:33No, you're ready to hit me.
35:34Just give it a try.
35:38See?
35:42Let's go get a drink instead.
35:43Yeah, let's go.
35:44Yeah, I think she's embarrassed you enough.
35:46Time for you to do it for a bit.
35:48Name another sport you think you'd be there.
35:50I can do any sport, like rounders, cricket, basketball.
35:53What about tennis?
35:54Tennis, I'm good.
35:55Really?
35:56Tennis, yeah, yeah.
35:57Gymnastics, I can do that.
35:58Yeah, you've done the splits.
35:59Yeah.
36:00Have you got any other tricks?
36:02Can you put your legs behind your head?
36:04Well, like, now?
36:06Don't tempt him, Harriet.
36:10Probably not now.
36:11No.
36:12Don't do that now.
36:13Oh, no.
36:14No.
36:15I think that's more like...
36:16Uh...
36:17Later.
36:18Later?
36:19Yeah, there's a nine-year-old's birthday party starting on the next lane.
36:22Might put them off their nuggets.
36:33Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating, where Louis is trying to strike it lucky on his bowling date
36:38with Harriet.
36:39Do you know what?
36:40I try and keep it, like, PG when I chat to you.
36:43PG?
36:44I'm not sure you'd get Woody asking Bo Peet to stick her legs behind her head.
36:48But, okay.
36:49Yeah, why?
36:50I feel like I don't want to overstep no boundary, because I feel like I'm being a good man, innit?
36:56So, you're thinking up here?
36:57Yeah.
36:58Good.
36:59That's good.
37:00I'm thinking with this head and not that head.
37:03Uh-huh.
37:04That's good.
37:05That head comes near.
37:06Is that natural, though?
37:07Like, do you...?
37:08I want to think of this head instead of this head.
37:09No, like, I want to...
37:10This head gets me in more trouble than this head.
37:11Well, yeah.
37:12So, yeah.
37:13I'd rather...
37:14Yeah, that's good, though.
37:15Look into this one.
37:16Yeah.
37:17Because this has got a lot to give, actually.
37:19More than...
37:20More is crazy, because he's got a lot to give, too.
37:23Probably, like, equal amounts.
37:25Just don't put their heads together, Louis.
37:27You don't want to be a dickhead.
37:28God!
37:29LAUGHTER
37:30While Louis brings the flirt on his date, let's check in to see if Mark is still feeling
37:38the heat on his with Diane.
37:40Spicy, but lovely.
37:41Very spicy, but I'm enjoying it.
37:42He is spicy.
37:43Ha!
37:44Ha!
37:45Ha!
37:46Oh, someone's gone a bit heavy on the lime pickle.
37:47Ha!
37:48Ha!
37:49Ha!
37:50Ha!
37:51Ha!
37:52Ha!
37:53Ha!
37:54Ha!
37:55Ha!
37:56Ha!
37:57Ha!
37:58Ha!
37:59Ha!
38:00Ha!
38:01Ha!
38:02Ha!
38:03Ha!
38:04Ha!
38:05Ha!
38:06Ha!
38:07Ha!
38:08Ha!
38:09Ha!
38:10Ha!
38:11Ha!
38:12Ha!
38:13Ha!
38:14And you aren't tall either, but at least you aren't drinking out of an empty glass.
38:17Just because they said that's what I'd like, ultimately you'd go, give it a try.
38:23So all these little things, when I'm on a date with you, I'm watching and learning,
38:28and I'm thinking, the type of man I want to be with.
38:31That's very kind of you, thank you.
38:34I must say, I felt quite protected by you.
38:40I think that comes instinctively, maybe that is something old-fashioned about me.
38:44Yeah.
38:45We've got three dates now, and absolutely no red flags for you, and quite a few green flags,
38:51or whatever, so yippee!
38:53While those two take it slow, back on Louie's date with Harriet, things are speeding up.
39:01How do you feel about, like, going forwards?
39:04Like...
39:07Are you ready for, like, a long-term thing?
39:10I think I'm over being single, whether that means with someone or without someone.
39:14Yeah.
39:15That, I don't know.
39:16You kind of have to be on your own to be single, mate.
39:18I'm fine right now on my own, but I'm probably better with someone.
39:22OK.
39:23Like, I definitely ain't casually dating like I used to.
39:26The chat's getting quite heavy, but you know what? I don't mind it.
39:29Harriet's putting me on the spot a bit, but I'm going to explain what my values are,
39:33and hopefully she feels the same.
39:35My whole mindset has shifted to a different responsibility and value.
39:40Yeah.
39:41I've stabled myself into knowing my route clearer,
39:43and not only am I going to walk that path, but I'm going to make a motorway to my goals.
39:48OK.
39:49Why are you talking about motorways?
39:51It's four lanes, you know?
39:52Yeah.
39:53Actually, fuck it, add another one, make it five lanes.
39:55Add a hard shoulder as well, you sexy bastard.
39:58So I'm, like, I'm so focused on that.
40:02Yeah.
40:03That fifth lane might be a beautiful lane here.
40:07I mean, I've seen better metaphors written in the toilets of Pease Pottage Services.
40:11So while Louis dreams of pulling into Harriet's service station,
40:15or whatever they're banging on about, Mark is starting to go up the gears on his date with Deanne.
40:20The agent said, give me all kinds of homework to do with you, and I'm going...
40:24Homework? Like what?
40:26Right, I think it's time we get a little bit deeper
40:28and find out exactly where each of us think this is going.
40:31They want me to ask, like, what are your intentions?
40:34And I'm going, are you my dad?
40:37But ultimately, my feeling is other people can have their standards, that's fine by them.
40:42As long as I'm happy with my standards, and you're happy with your standards,
40:45and you're happy with my standards, that's all that matters.
40:48Standard.
40:49It's like, do you get on? But it's your personality that you're left with.
40:55You put us two together, you would see, it ain't gonna work.
41:00I am in the right sense of the word, quite slow.
41:03And what I mean by that is...
41:04You're shit at drinking water?
41:06I don't jump in.
41:08I almost stop and think and go, let's not rush and say anything I might regret,
41:15or do anything I might regret.
41:17So the important question is, assuming you'd like another date, would you like to go to the gala?
41:32Yes, I would.
41:33Yes, Beastie, a bit round the houses, but we got there eventually.
41:36Sip, sip, drink, drink. Good work.
41:38I'm delighted. Deanne's great fun to be around, and I'm looking forward to taking her to the gala.
41:44Well, she must like me. Logic dictates you don't go on a fourth date without really liking someone.
41:49However, romance and logic rarely mix.
41:52Just like me and regular sized condoms, but sometimes you've got to try and squeeze it in.
41:56Come on, Beastie boy.
41:58Shall we go?
41:59Let's go.
42:00Mark is ticking the boxes.
42:03He's a real gentleman, and every single date that I've been on, that's come across quite clearly.
42:12I think there's a romantic spark coming, but time will tell.
42:19Bye, it's been great fun.
42:21And I'll see you next week.
42:23I will. Wonderful evening.
42:26I will.
42:29Double cheek kiss. Slow down, Casadova.
42:32We had a lot of fun. We had a good chat about important things and not so important things.
42:38We're certainly getting a closer attachment, and it's really nice.
42:42Deanna likes me. That's the only thing that matters.
42:45Well, one successful date done. Let's see how our metaphor man, Louie, is getting on with his date, Harriet.
42:53A king always needs a queen to build his empire.
42:56That's what I really hate for. Look at the mess he got into. Divorced, beheaded, survived. Divorced, beheaded, died.
43:00I feel like you're ready for someone to enjoy life with. Are you open to that or not?
43:06It depends. Are you willing to work on it?
43:09I kind of go with it. Like, whatever will be, will be. And if it works, I'm going with it until whatever happens.
43:15I've really enjoyed this date with Harriet. She's great vibes. She's facey. I can actually see something going on it.
43:22I think I only want to date you from now on. I don't think I need to go on another date with someone else.
43:27Yeah, that doesn't mean that, like, oh, we're exclusive and it's just me and you and did it. No, it's just I don't...
43:34You don't want to go anywhere. Want to date no one else, innit?
43:36Yeah, good. I'm glad, because feelings mutual. I love being around you. I love... I love... No, I love your company.
43:43Like, I love being around you. Don't mention love, Harriet. Quick, whack your feet behind your head to distract him.
43:48I'm going to need you to sit in there, I think.
43:51I'm going to sit there. See, look at this.
43:54Ooh. Service.
43:56Service, look at that. Oh, you're a bit more down, though.
43:58Yeah, I'm a bit smart. I feel like I need to be close enough.
44:01Yeah, shove over. He can't see the bowling of you in the way.
44:04I'm serious about not seeing no one else. And when I say I just want to see you, I mean it, innit?
44:10Aw. Okay.
44:17Good to see. He's listening to the whole no kissing advice he gave himself.
44:26What a lovely date.
44:31So nice. What a really nice day. Yeah, really nice.
44:34That was definitely my best day at the agency.
44:36For the fifth time, that's pretty good going.
44:38Yeah, me and Harriet just get on, man. She's a beautiful girl.
44:40We have good vibes, good energy. The kiss was worth the wait, I think.
44:44I think the agents will be proud. I'm proud of myself.
44:46Aw, he's all grown up, isn't he?
44:48I'm excited.
44:49Louis made it clear that he only wants to date me.
44:52I'm like a little child. I don't want to be like, get it. But it was good.
44:56And hopefully I'll see you soon.
44:58I'll figure you out. Yeah.
45:02Inside, I really wanted to scream, like...
45:04Oh, come on. You could do better than that.
45:07That's the one.
45:09I miss.
45:11Miss you.
45:13Turns out all you need to do to win Louis over is awkwardly tuck your shirt into your bra.
45:17Strange world.
45:18Obviously it's still early doors.
45:20I don't know where it's going to go or how it's going to be.
45:22But she's facey, got a nice body, good personality.
45:25She's fun to talk to.
45:27She's got that perfect...
45:28Go on.
45:30Balance.
45:31Oh, very mature of you. I thought he was going to say arse.
45:34Cheers.
45:35Tomorrow night.
45:36What's your love language?
45:38Hey, ho, hey.
45:40That was rude.
45:42It's S-Cob Heaven for S-Cob John.
45:44I've met someone who is actually like me.
45:47And I wouldn't change over the world.
45:49Liv serves up some humble pie.
45:51Anything else you're allergic to or...?
45:53Men.
45:56And Sam takes a pie right to the face.
45:59I don't want to do this anymore.
46:01Well...
46:02I'm gonna go.
46:03As our celebs.
46:04Go.
46:05I feel good about everything.
46:07Dating.
46:08A beacon of why this agency is the best in the world.
46:13I'm gonna talk to you through, bro.
46:16The no-
46:33A beacon of Google and aabeth negate, yeah?
46:35Well...
46:36Him today.
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