- 4 months ago
Taskmaster UK S20E01 (2025)
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00:00Oh, no!
00:06Hello?
00:13Hey!
00:19Nothing's ever straightforward in this stupid house.
00:25There.
00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:33Hello! Thank you!
00:35Welcome to Taskmaster,
00:37a set of challenges presided over by a temperamental dictator.
00:40It's a sort of upbeat North Korea.
00:42And I'm Kim Yong-Fung.
00:49Let's meet our citizens for the first time.
00:52They are...
00:53Anya Magliano!
00:56Maisie Adam!
00:58Phil Ellis!
01:00Reece Shearsmith!
01:02And Sanjeev Bhaskar!
01:07And next to me,
01:08a man who I once thought I saw riding on the back of a baby elephant
01:12with a tiny trunk to discover he simply had no trousers on.
01:18It's...
01:19It's...
01:21Little Alex Horne!
01:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:25Yeah.
01:27Hello, everyone. It's lovely to be here. It's lovely to see you, Greg.
01:29I actually think you're great.
01:30Thanks.
01:31Thanks, man.
01:32But I do think I can help.
01:34With a couple of enhancements.
01:36On the count of three, would you mind smiling?
01:38One, two, three.
01:39No!
01:41No?
01:43I can do...
01:44I can do a couple of these.
01:46How about doing a nice big blink to camera?
01:48A blink?
01:49A blink.
01:50One, two, three.
01:52Yeah.
01:53Snare.
01:54Snare drum.
01:55Open your mouth.
01:56One, two, three.
01:58LAUGHTER
02:00Yeah?
02:01Yeah.
02:02Yeah.
02:03By your standards, not bad.
02:05OK, here we go.
02:06What's the first prize task of this series, little Alex Horne?
02:10Well, my guy, today you asked him quite specifically to bring in
02:14a very soft thing which would be most beneficial for Greg Davis.
02:19OK, so the very soft thing Greg thinks he'd find most beneficial
02:22will get the full five points, then the winner of the episode
02:25will take home all five very soft things even though they're
02:27intended to benefit Greg, but Greg won't mind as it's bound
02:30to be a great big bunch of crap.
02:32Thanks very much.
02:34Over and out.
02:35OK, Anya, welcome.
02:38What soft thing did you bring me?
02:40I brought you a bum cushion.
02:42OK.
02:46It doesn't look unlike my bum.
02:50So I made it extra soft because I added some cat hair on it.
02:54From my cats, Chicken and Rickon.
02:57Chicken and Rickon.
02:58Now, the problem for you and your bald cats is I am profoundly
03:02allergic to cats.
03:03Oh, no!
03:05What I will say is this, at least you've made an effort.
03:08The people I get angry with are the people who haven't made
03:10an effort.
03:11Yeah, when we got them spayed, I said, can I keep the hair?
03:14Because they had to shave some of them to put like an injection in.
03:17Oh, that's lovely.
03:18Yeah.
03:19So this hair is just before they had their wounds removed.
03:23It's from the really special zones.
03:25Ah, great.
03:26Which you might not be allergic to that.
03:29Well, I've never...
03:33I've never put that to the test.
03:34But never say never.
03:36Yeah.
03:38Maisie.
03:39Er...
03:40Buh, buh, buh.
03:41I'm sorry.
03:42Small talk.
03:43How are you?
03:44Very well, thanks, Greg.
03:45How are you?
03:46What have you brought in?
03:51I've brought in a manly bonnet for you.
03:54I'm concerned about banging your head on things, what with your...
03:57Extraordinary height.
03:58Extraordinary height, yeah.
03:59Here it is.
04:00Maisie's bonnet.
04:01So you've got...
04:04I didn't want you to feel emasculated by wearing a bonnet,
04:06so I've stuck loads of manly things on it.
04:09Oh, that's nice.
04:10Yeah.
04:11Er, barbecue on the top.
04:12Lovely.
04:13A bit of weight, toolbox.
04:15A couple bottles of beers for the lads.
04:18My dad's quite tall and he always hits the top of his head
04:21and it scabs over.
04:23And what better to protect it than a miniature barbecue?
04:29I really like it.
04:30Wow.
04:31You're welcome.
04:32I've got nothing negative to say
04:33and I'm not allergic to any of those things.
04:35Phil?
04:36What is the softest thing in the universe?
04:39And we all know that is the hands and voices of the elderly.
04:44So...
04:46So I thought if I just, like, pop these on,
04:48these elderly people's hands, though.
04:51Yeah.
04:52They fit like a glove.
04:53I mean, that's perfect, innit?
04:54Yeah.
04:55So I thought...
04:57It's like...
04:58If you just enjoy the...
04:59If we play the cassette...
05:00Yeah, you ready...
05:01Of a softly-spoken elderly lady...
05:02Here is the elderly lady talking now.
05:05Hello, Greg.
05:06You're such a wonderful person.
05:09We're all so proud of you.
05:11Such a big, strong, beefy boy.
05:15Good, innit?
05:17Is that an old lady?
05:18It is an old lady, yes.
05:19Well, it's the oldest one I could find.
05:23Erm, I found it quite distressing.
05:26I think if you'd brought an old lady on,
05:28maybe it would have been more beneficial.
05:30I know.
05:31It's weird, though.
05:32No-one would come with me.
05:33Yeah.
05:35Rhys, what did you bring us?
05:36Erm, my first question is, are you allergic to feathers?
05:39I am.
05:42Right, well, moving on.
05:44Let's imagine I'm not.
05:45I have created for you...
05:48..a fortune-telling raven.
05:52Didn't I say? That's what I was hoping for.
05:54Here is the fortune-telling raven.
06:00There it is.
06:01Every morning, we'll give you a prediction for the events of that day.
06:05Raven!
06:07Tell me my fortune.
06:12There it is, look.
06:13Pick one up for you.
06:14What's it?
06:16You will leave the iron on.
06:21Greg, you've got to leave and get home.
06:24Yeah, like I iron.
06:28Christ, none of these are rubbish.
06:30You must be feeling the heat, aren't you, Sanjay?
06:32Totally.
06:33I've gone, um, incredibly practical.
06:36Here it is.
06:37Nice big blanket.
06:38Do you see?
06:40And there it is.
06:42And there he is.
06:43Made from...
06:44The contestant who grabbed something on his way to the show.
06:49It's electric.
06:51Oh!
06:52It warms up.
06:53Wait a moment.
06:54It's made from the finest cat...
06:55Er, sheep hair.
06:58Or wool, as I believe some people call it.
07:01No, because I thought...
07:02You know, because you are tall, you feel the cold quicker than anyone else.
07:07OK.
07:08You've seen five quite soft things.
07:10Yeah.
07:11Other people have made stuff.
07:12So I have to punish you, because you didn't make it.
07:13I'm...
07:14Sorry, you didn't ask me whether I made it or not.
07:15Yeah, I know, but...
07:16You made a huge assumption that I made it.
07:19Picked it up on the way here.
07:22I've been knitting and bolting that thing together.
07:25For months.
07:27Right, well, does that change things?
07:28No!
07:31The thing I want, second least, is to have latex gloves rubbed over my face.
07:38Two points to fill.
07:39Next, I want to sit on a doughnut of cat hair.
07:43Three points.
07:44And then we're up to the big two.
07:45I want the raven most.
07:47Maisie, four points.
07:48Reece, five points.
07:49There we go.
07:50I want that raven.
07:53We're off to a trying start.
07:55Let's get going.
07:56What's the first task proper?
07:57You're going to love this one, Greg, because it involves your two favourite things.
08:01One, basic technology.
08:02Two.
08:03Two, me standing next to a table looking all mysterious and macho.
08:22Hello.
08:24Oh, no, sorry, the clock!
08:25What do I do?
08:28Hiya.
08:30What?
08:31What?
08:32What?
08:33Why are you timing it?
08:34What?
08:35Hello, hello.
08:39Hi.
08:40Hello.
08:42Oh, God.
08:44Speak!
08:46Hello.
08:47What?
08:48You all right?
08:49What's the task?
08:50Well, I can't see any kind of task written down here.
08:53Hmm.
08:54So I'm just going to hit you with this.
08:58Is a task anywhere?
08:59Do I have to find the task?
09:00No.
09:01Are we against the clock?
09:02Yes.
09:04What do you want me to do?
09:05Is there anything different about me, Reece?
09:06Well, you've got that on.
09:07Yeah.
09:08Yeah.
09:09Do you know what it is?
09:10Yes, it's one of those things where you pay at restaurants.
09:17I don't know what you call those things.
09:18Yes, it's a QR code.
09:19QR code, that's it, yeah.
09:21Do I have to have a phone to scan it?
09:23Mm-hm.
09:24Unless you can do them with your eyes.
09:25I can't do them with my eyes yet.
09:27Do I need my phone?
09:28Yes.
09:31Can I not use this to scan your QR code?
09:33Have you not got one of these?
09:34No, back in my room.
09:35Well, go and get it, then.
09:36Oh, Alex!
09:38I have a phone in another room.
09:39Ah.
09:40Should I get it?
09:41You might need it.
09:42OK.
09:44I've got to look for it in this room.
09:45Your telephone.
09:46My telephone?
09:47Your telephone.
09:48Why do you keep saying toilet telephone?
09:50My telephone.
09:51Do you have a telephone?
09:52No, not on me.
09:53Right.
09:54Do you want me to go and get one?
09:55Where is it?
09:56My telephone.
09:57Your telephone.
09:58My telephone.
09:59Yeah, your telephone.
10:01Well, what do you mean?
10:03I don't have one around me.
10:04I mean, I've got my mobile phone.
10:05Oh.
10:06Private to me.
10:07You want me to bring it into this room?
10:08Well, you need to scan that somehow.
10:09Well, other than I have to go and get it, don't I?
10:11I suppose so.
10:12Sorry to argue.
10:16Share your phone!
10:18What?
10:22Clever boy.
10:23Right.
10:24I mean, it's fascinating because there's such a range of ages amongst the five of you.
10:34But my initial impression is that was like watching footage of the distressed residents in a care house.
10:44The age range is extraordinary, this series.
10:45For the first time it's 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and up we go.
10:48It is.
10:51I think if the staff were looking after these pensioners, Rhys would be the one that they dread looking after.
10:58The most.
10:59The most.
11:00You can almost hear the staff going, will you go and deal with this?
11:04He's really on one today.
11:06But when do we get our medication?
11:08You know there's going to be dispatches about this and you will all be revealed, your cruelty will be revealed.
11:16I was left on the stairs last night.
11:18The...
11:27Let's crack on.
11:28OK.
11:29It's QR versus AR.
11:30Why don't you just...
11:34Oh, buff.
11:38Stop.
11:42Come here. No.
11:49Come here, I need to scan your test.
11:57I don't feel good about this.
12:00BUZZER
12:06Ah, right. I'm there.
12:08No, no. I've got to my passcode.
12:10Keep still. I don't want to keep still.
12:12I need to go that way. You can't.
12:15Ow!
12:17I still have a dice game open on my phone.
12:22Keep still. I don't want to keep still.
12:24You've got to. I don't want to.
12:25Oh, he's back.
12:27Come here. I don't want to.
12:29I don't want to.
12:32Keep still. I don't want to.
12:33Oh, for God's sake.
12:35Oh, I nearly got it.
12:37No, no.
12:38Oh, no!
12:39Oh, no.
12:41Oh, no.
12:42Honk the horn fastest wins your time started when you said your first word
12:53I've stopped the clock
13:00That was so fun I feel so alive
13:03Can we go again?
13:05I can't
13:12I mean you look like you are genuinely enjoying running around you don't get to chase someone very often in your
13:19In your life and you were really enjoying being chased also was yeah, it's the build-up
13:27It's actually quite slippy so I couldn't go at top speed
13:31And if I have my time again, I would go at top speed. I'm sorry. You never got to go at top speed
13:37Did you enjoy that race?
13:39Um, no, no, I found it frustrating because he wouldn't stop man. I guess that's the point. That's the point
13:46Greece you're twice as old as Anya and twice as slow it turns out
13:51Two minutes 29 Reese five minutes and five seconds. She wasn't even at top speed
13:58Okay, that's the first part through but that's my doctor said in a recent health screening after a break
14:04I'm gonna need to get a glove really get amongst it
14:09I'm gonna need to get a glove right now
14:11I'm gonna need to get a glove right now
14:13I'm gonna need to get a glove right now
14:15Hello! Welcome back to the second part of the show and the second part of the series
14:21The current task is to get the horn, scound the horn, then honk the horn
14:25Now let's see how the final three got on
14:27It's Maisie and Phil who both understand the concept of fastest wins
14:31Plus Sanjeef Bhaskar
14:33There you are you little bugger
14:35Come here let me spank you
14:37I've got a QR code
14:39Oh he's got a big one on the back
14:41This is brilliant
14:43Come here let me spank you
14:45I've got a QR code
14:46Oh he's got a big one on the back
14:47This is brilliant
14:49I can't see you now
14:59Now
15:01Now
15:03Oh
15:05You little prick
15:07I know how to get it. He likes music, doesn't he?
15:26I've got it on the wrong bloody setting now.
15:28Do you get it on the wrong setting?
15:29I'm phoning my mother.
15:33I'm still on the wrong bloody setting.
15:37Come on.
15:42Don't be scared.
15:44You like instruments, don't you?
15:47Come here.
15:50Alex!
15:53Fucking hell.
15:55I think he's on a loop.
15:57He needs to block his path.
16:04Oh.
16:05There's one or two things.
16:07I can hit you with.
16:08Right.
16:09Where's your telephone?
16:09It's in my pocket.
16:10Right, how are you going to...
16:11What?
16:16Ow, bastard!
16:19I'm deep.
16:21Now.
16:23Say hello to the ostrich.
16:24I don't want to.
16:25I think I've just beheaded a gargoyle.
16:32I'm really sorry.
16:37I've got him!
16:39Oh, shit, I'm on airplane mode.
16:41Do you have to use QR codes?
16:48It's just giving me a little yellow light on it, which is not the thing.
16:51No, it is a thing.
16:52Oh, is it?
16:52Yeah.
16:53I don't want to.
16:54Stay!
16:54I don't want to.
16:55Still!
16:55Stay!
16:58I'm really strong, Alex.
17:03Stupid man.
17:05Honk the horn.
17:05Fast as wings.
17:06Oh, you fast!
17:07I've honked a horn!
17:09Honk the horn?
17:09Yeah, I've sort of done that at the bloody beginning.
17:16Yeah, I've sort of done that.
17:24So, what I wrote down for you during that is, um, good to see someone who knows he can't win this having fun.
17:33Yeah, yeah.
17:34I mean, it's so early on, isn't it, and yet it's so obvious.
17:37You were having the time of your life, weren't you?
17:39Come here, you little bugger.
17:40I'm going to spank you.
17:42I didn't hear that, but...
17:44OK.
17:45You said that.
17:46Oh, yeah, well...
17:47That wasn't me saying that to you.
17:51And it wasn't destructive.
17:52There wasn't £40 worth of damage.
17:56That gargoyle.
17:57Yes, that gargoyle.
17:59Well, right.
18:00OK.
18:01Sorry.
18:03What I will say is,
18:05I'd forgotten I'd worn such big pants.
18:09There's nothing wrong with a big pant, my friend.
18:11Well, my leggings, they didn't come in my length,
18:14so they only reached round my bum.
18:17Are you saying your trousers were riding down?
18:19I didn't notice.
18:20Did you notice?
18:21Yeah, I noticed.
18:22Of course I noticed.
18:24I still enjoyed watching you running around breathlessly with you.
18:27I was not breathless, thank you.
18:29Sorry.
18:30I was firing top speed.
18:31But with saggy pants, so...
18:33Sanjeev...
18:34I was going at top speed.
18:39I wasn't holding back.
18:41Have you genuinely, in real life, had a phone for long?
18:45A phone?
18:46A phone, yeah.
18:47A telephone?
18:48Yes, a telephone.
18:50Yes, I think, you know, in that moment,
18:52I didn't know whether you wanted me to...
18:54I don't know.
18:55To know how to use your own phone?
18:56Yes.
18:57I have people who do that for me.
19:01The nurses.
19:08Shall I tell you some times?
19:09Tell me some times.
19:10I can't imagine any of them are good.
19:12Phil did find a horn and lure me out with another horn.
19:16Wow.
19:171 minute 37.
19:18That was his first honk of another horn.
19:20We didn't say which horn he had to honk.
19:21So, Phil, 1.37.
19:23Suddenly he's overtaken, Anja,
19:24who's lagging at 2 minutes 29.
19:26So slow.
19:27Rhys, 5 minutes 5.
19:28Maisie, quicker, 4 minutes 22.
19:31More than twice as long as everyone else.
19:33Sanjeev, 10 minutes 16.
19:35Yes!
19:39However, there's also one extra video to watch.
19:44Ooh.
19:45Hiya.
19:46What?
19:47What?
19:48What?
19:49What?
19:50Why are you timing it?
19:51What?
19:52PHONE RINGS
19:53APPLAUSE
19:54And what's amazing is we literally didn't need to show any of that footage of your trousers falling down.
20:09It is one point, Sanjeev, two to Reith, three to Anya, four to Phil and five to Maisie Adam.
20:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:17Shall we see our first scoreboard?
20:21Of course.
20:22At one end, consistency himself.
20:23Sanjeev's got two points.
20:24At the other, Maisie's got nine points.
20:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:30Right.
20:31What's next to Valetone?
20:32Ooh.
20:33Well, it's time to task with a target.
20:35We've found a big space.
20:36We've got some big balls.
20:37We're going to have some big fun.
20:39MUSIC
20:56Do you know what I'm doing?
20:58Max Schreck as Nosferatu.
21:00I thought you look like a penguin.
21:031921 classic.
21:05Looks like a penguin.
21:07LAUGHTER
21:09You're quite far away.
21:11So are you.
21:12LAUGHTER
21:15Roll an object onto the target.
21:18You must release your object from behind this line.
21:22You may not move the line or target and you may not affect your object after release.
21:29You must use the first type of object you touch and can have three attempts with that type of object.
21:35And must not go within Greg's height of the target.
21:44What?
21:45Closest to the centre of the target wins.
21:48You have 15 minutes.
21:50Your time starts now.
21:52What?
21:53How do I know how tall Greg is?
21:55Lying down.
21:56Or standing up.
21:57Oh!
21:58Oh!
21:59Ah!
22:00APPLAUSE
22:06And it's a game of curling.
22:08Ah, well, we invented it, but yeah.
22:09Yeah, yeah, yeah.
22:10Right, well, let's crack on.
22:11OK, well, it's a tricky task, but there's 15 minutes, so plenty of time to plan, etc.
22:16Or I guess you could just get it done and go home.
22:18It's Maisie, and yes, it's Sanjeev.
22:21LAUGHTER
22:23So, the first type of object you touch...
22:31We're quite heavy.
22:35I think that means you're touching it, Sanjeev.
22:37Well, no, I didn't touch that.
22:38I think you touched the tyre.
22:41Come on, then.
22:44Oh!
22:46Very ice.
22:54Ice.
22:55We're going to go ice.
22:56Good for length.
22:57Uh, yeah.
22:58The line was a bit off.
22:59That hit a camera.
23:01Yes!
23:02Brilliant.
23:03O Hamm!
23:04All right, thank you.
23:19Water's run, Mac.
23:21That hit a camera.
23:22YES!
23:23Brilliant.
23:26Oop...
23:28zzz
23:30LAUGHTER
23:32Oh!
23:34Oh!
23:36LAUGHTER
23:38Happy with that?
23:40Absolutely delighted, Alex.
23:46Slow, slow!
23:48Oh!
23:50That's in another time zone, that one, innit?
23:52Right, you've got one more. What have you learnt from the first two?
23:55Absolutely nothing. Great. Couldn't have come.
23:57LAUGHTER
23:59Now, then.
24:01That was charming.
24:06Shut the door!
24:08Great, that's near Windsor.
24:14Stop!
24:16Stop! Stop!
24:18Stop!
24:20Are you going to, like, doc, like, you know, take a picture,
24:23just cos they're going to melt in a minute?
24:25Yeah, we're filming a lot of this.
24:27LAUGHTER
24:30APPLAUSE
24:37I mean, basically, that final shot,
24:40there was no sign that you'd ever been part of this.
24:43LAUGHTER
24:44It's like a metaphor for the futility of life.
24:47The thing is that I get the rules with, you know, the first thing you touch,
24:50but I was just moving it up a bit.
24:52I wasn't kind of, like, choosing it.
24:53Yeah, or...
24:54Or, as some would say, touching.
24:57Some may interpret it that way.
24:59Maisie, I think this is the most sense we've seen you make.
25:02Um, I had a method, I was like, let's see what weighs more, cos weight...
25:07Yeah.
25:08Weight is to do with distance and something.
25:09Yeah, of course, weight...
25:10It's science.
25:11Famously, weight's to do with distance.
25:12Yeah.
25:13Yeah.
25:14Right, we're at the halfway point now, and as my doctor said in a recent check-up,
25:18let's just stop for a little breather.
25:20I wasn't expecting it to be such a mess down there.
25:23LAUGHTER
25:32Hello!
25:33Thank you and welcome back.
25:35It's the start of part three,
25:37and our new competitors are trying to stop their objects
25:40as close as possible to the middle of the target.
25:43Three people left to go.
25:44Are they actually good at sport despite their appearances?
25:47It's Anya, Reece and Phil.
25:49LAUGHTER
25:51I'm going to try to make it easy by going dead centre, big ball first.
25:56I'm going to use these little balls to make a thoroughfare.
26:00Ooh!
26:06First time I've felt like I've got a good idea.
26:08Right, you have to use that now.
26:10What?
26:11Can you touch that first?
26:12So that's going to be the object you throw.
26:14You're going exercise ball.
26:19I'm thinking if I set up a buffer zone behind it.
26:24Nice.
26:28It's really stinky.
26:30We didn't know they were there.
26:31OK.
26:32Do me a favour and put your foot on there for me, please, Alex.
26:48It's time for a few more bins.
27:03Ha, ha, ha! This is exciting.
27:09OK, ready!
27:10OK, it's all about what I pick now.
27:13I'm going to do this one.
27:14Yes, you are.
27:20It's no good.
27:24That was, er...
27:28...disappointing.
27:29Let's go.
27:42A bit of shit, wasn't it?
27:43The principle works.
27:49The mayor was redoing that.
27:50Why are you doing that?
27:56Oh, for fuck.
27:57I'm not actually joking, though.
28:09What the fuck?
28:12Good luck.
28:20Is it going to bounce back?
28:21It's not, is it?
28:22Do you know what happened?
28:23The sellotape stopped it.
28:2725 seconds.
28:28This is your last go.
28:30MUSIC PLAYS
28:35LAUGHTER
28:37OK, it's on the target.
28:49Yes, yes, yes, yes.
28:58Oh, God.
29:00It's on the target.
29:03Who would have thought it would be that simple?
29:04LAUGHTER
29:06APPLAUSE
29:12Rhys, what was that device you created?
29:15What was it meant to do?
29:17No, initially, I thought I could slow the ball down with the sellotape.
29:20Like, when you see it in America,
29:22where they pull spikes across and the cars get their...
29:25..their things punctured.
29:27It all fell down when I accidentally touched the wrong thing first.
29:31He's quite calm and softly spoken in the studio, isn't he?
29:35Mm.
29:36But when he got across with his catapult,
29:38he went, more northern than you've been for the whole show.
29:40And that was me doing that!
29:46A real latent rage.
29:48I thought Phil's worked amazingly well.
29:50And I think Anya's would have worked as well
29:52if she was capable of rolling a ball in the correct direction.
29:57I mean, incredibly, she is worse than Sanjeev, no offence.
30:01LAUGHTER
30:02I feel like you're ganging up on me.
30:04LAUGHTER
30:05Yeah.
30:06Yeah, you are.
30:07LAUGHTER
30:08Well, I can show you where all their objects ended up.
30:12In fifth place, Anya's was the furthest away, 22 badges.
30:15Fourth, Sanjeev, ten badges. We're doing them badges.
30:17Rhys, seven badges.
30:19Phil, two and a half badges.
30:20But the winner, with five points, one and a half badges,
30:22Maisie Adam!
30:24APPLAUSE
30:25Let's have another task, please.
30:29Right you are.
30:30And just like our infamous camping trip together,
30:32this one involves being disgusting in a caravan.
30:35Hello?
30:36Hello.
30:37Hi.
30:38Oh, hi, Rhys.
30:39Hi, Alex.
30:40Welcome to the caravan.
30:41Thank you for having me in the caravan.
30:42The caravan.
30:43The caravan?
30:44Oh, yeah, it's caravan.
30:45You've been having a lovely time.
30:46You have?
30:47Oh, good.
30:48You?
30:49Uh, yeah.
30:50Oh, yeah.
30:51Oh, yeah.
30:52Oh, yeah.
30:53Oh, yeah.
30:54Oh, yeah.
30:55Oh, yeah.
30:56Oh, yeah.
30:57You've been having a lovely time.
30:58You have?
30:59Hmm?
31:00Oh, good.
31:01You?
31:02Uh, it's all right.
31:03Yeah.
31:04I mean, you know, what do you compare it with?
31:05You compare it with kind of the worst times in your life,
31:07and you go, I'm having a great time.
31:08Yeah.
31:09And then you compare it with some of the best times in your life,
31:11and you go, this is shit.
31:12Yeah.
31:13So, yeah, it's okay.
31:14Yeah.
31:15Oh, yeah, it's okay.
31:16Yeah.
31:17Oh, yeah.
31:18Oh, yeah.
31:19Oh, yeah.
31:20Oh, yeah.
31:21Oh, yeah.
31:22Oh, yeah.
31:23Oh, yeah.
31:24Oh, yeah, it's okay.
31:25Yeah.
31:27Do you mind me saying you suit the caravan?
31:32I actually do know what you mean.
31:33I was going to be insulted, but then I was like,
31:35he's completely right.
31:38Do something behind this curtain that sounds disgusting,
31:43but is actually really nice.
31:47Highest D by N wins,
31:50where D is your disgustingness score out of ten,
31:54and N is your niceness score out of ten.
31:58So, the swing-o-meter of how horrible it sounds compared to the reality of how nice it is,
32:04there are more points involved in such a situation.
32:06Is that great?
32:07That's very well put.
32:09You have 15 minutes.
32:11Your time starts now.
32:12Okay.
32:13So, it's behind this.
32:14Yeah.
32:16If you don't mind.
32:17All right, little privacy.
32:20I'll be waiting.
32:22You're not coming with me to look at it?
32:23Do you want me to?
32:24No.
32:31You really do suit that caravan.
32:35Well, I don't...
32:36This is the thing.
32:37Do you like camping or not?
32:38No.
32:39You don't?
32:40No.
32:42Why are you getting so angry about this?
32:44Because the way Alex said it was quite like,
32:46I'm going to try and get in your head.
32:48No.
32:49And live in there as a worm.
32:51Yeah.
32:52Just eating away at your brain.
32:54Yeah, it really helps.
32:55So, in the end, you can't even roll a ball in a straight line.
33:00Ready to start?
33:01God, yes.
33:02Yuck!
33:03Urgh!
33:04And vomit.
33:05It's Anya, Maisie and Phil.
33:07Okay, I'm starting my attempt.
33:09Are you having a nice time?
33:19Yep.
33:20I'm going to reveal you.
33:35It's really tasty.
33:36I'm going to cover you up again.
33:37Are you sure you don't want to suck a bit off?
33:38Okay.
33:42I was just looking through in the kitchen there.
33:44Yeah.
33:45Looking for all sorts of various things that I might be able to use.
33:48And, erm...
33:49Urgh!
33:50Urgh!
33:51Urgh!
33:52Urgh!
33:53Urgh!
33:54Please stop!
33:55Whatever, please!
33:56Urgh!
33:57Urgh!
33:58Urgh!
33:59Oh, right.
34:00Yeah, okay.
34:01Urgh!
34:02Urgh!
34:03Yeah.
34:04I'm going to open the curtain.
34:06Urgh!
34:07Urgh!
34:08Urgh!
34:09Don't come in!
34:10Save yourself!
34:12Just making you a nice, er...
34:14Fruit smoothie, Alex.
34:18You're doing it quite violently.
34:20Yeah.
34:21I would like a little bit of the drink to see if it's nice.
34:24Oh, I'm so sorry.
34:25Well, thank you.
34:26Oh!
34:27Nice.
34:28Mm.
34:29Very nice.
34:30There you go.
34:31Okay.
34:32Are you all right to keep doing it for a bit?
34:34Yeah, my calf muscles left.
34:35Your calf muscles?
34:36I need to know what it is that you're doing.
34:37I'm going to have a look.
34:38Here I come.
34:39What are you doing?
34:40What does it look like I'm doing?
34:41I'm rubbing my feet in gravy...
34:42eating a mixture of chocolate sauce and crumbled up non-product specific biscuits.
34:45I'm having a bloody great time.
34:46Nice.
34:47Bloody lovely.
34:48I'm having a bloody great time.
34:49Nice.
34:50Bloody lovely.
34:51I'm having a bloody great time.
34:52Nice.
34:53Bloody lovely.
34:54APPLAUSE
34:55APPLAUSE
35:01What are you doing?
35:02What does it look like I'm doing?
35:04I'm rubbing my feet in gravy...
35:06eating a mixture of chocolate sauce and crumbled up non-product specific biscuits.
35:11I'm having a bloody great time.
35:13Nice.
35:14Bloody lovely.
35:15APPLAUSE
35:25Right.
35:26Right.
35:27Caravan girl.
35:28When the curtain went back, I mean, you were eating yoghurt with your fingers.
35:32It wasn't...
35:33No, it wasn't yoghurt.
35:34Oh, was it?
35:35It was whipped cream and sugar.
35:36But it was really tasty and I ate it for quite a long time.
35:40This is where it's tricky, you see, because if it was nice for you, I'll have to take your word for it.
35:44It wasn't nice watching you eat that with your fingers.
35:47Alex told me that you would be really jealous of it.
35:50Oh.
35:51Oh, did he?
35:52LAUGHTER
35:54Phil's just tricky, because what I'm learning about Phil is he's so upbeat about everything,
35:58he's sort of said anything as being nice, really.
36:00I think he genuinely was having a wonderful time.
36:02I was...
36:03Yeah, I mean, I would have been doing that if I wasn't on the show anyway.
36:07LAUGHTER
36:08Was it warm gravy?
36:10No, that's where we fell a bit short.
36:12It was... I could feel the granules between my toes.
36:15LAUGHTER
36:16Your noise, matey, where it got sinister and I wrote it down,
36:19was when you shouted, please stop.
36:21LAUGHTER
36:22I think I'm now realising that the two things had to be the same.
36:27I just pretended to be attacked and then made a cocktail.
36:30And then made a cocktail.
36:31LAUGHTER
36:32Very much said about activities.
36:33LAUGHTER
36:34Yeah, yeah.
36:35OK, let's stop once again.
36:37As my doctor said to me at a recent check-up, just one final push left.
36:41Relax, loosen up a bit.
36:43Hey, stop squirming.
36:44Nurse! Nurse!
36:45Help me!
36:46He keeps biting!
36:47LAUGHTER
36:56Oh!
36:57Welcome back to the final part of the show,
36:59where the cast are tricking us into thinking they're being disgusting.
37:03The final attempts come from two neighbours over there.
37:05It's Sanjeev from number 42 and Rhys from number 9.
37:08You OK in there, Rhys?
37:12Yeah.
37:13BUZZER
37:14BUZZER
37:15BUZZER
37:16BUZZER
37:17BUZZER
37:18BUZZER
37:19BUZZER
37:20BUZZER
37:21BUZZER
37:22Hello, Sanjeev.
37:23BUZZER
37:24BUZZER
37:25BUZZER
37:26BUZZER
37:27BUZZER
37:28BUZZER
37:29BUZZER
37:30BUZZER
37:31BUZZER
37:32Right, Sanjeev?
37:33Yep.
37:34I'm going to have a look at you.
37:35OK.
37:36I want to check you're OK.
37:37BUZZER
37:38BUZZER
37:39BUZZER
37:40BUZZER
37:41BUZZER
37:42BUZZER
37:43BUZZER
37:44BUZZER
37:45BUZZER
37:46BUZZER
37:47BUZZER
37:48BUZZER
37:49BUZZER
37:50BUZZER
37:51BUZZER
37:52BUZZER
37:53BUZZER
37:54BUZZER
37:55BUZZER
37:56BUZZER
37:57BUZZER
37:58BUZZER
37:59BUZZER
38:00BUZZER
38:01BUZZER
38:02BUZZER
38:03BUZZER
38:04BUZZER
38:05BUZZER
38:06BUZZER
38:07what i'm doing is sending the duck to a happy sleep and he's dreaming the word thank you
38:14he liked it did he i think well look at the thoughts but if you want to close that now so
38:20that i can get him actually to full full sleep deep sleep sorry to disturb you that's all right
38:23all right i'd like to see the baby do you want us okay
38:37oh yeah beautiful baby thank you
38:47but i'm no expert in how one soothes the duck
38:55i hit upon the idea that the duck would enjoy the sound of something that was similar to a duck
39:00quacking but it oh so that was what i was trying to do a bit like a duck whistle which famously
39:05draw the ducks out yeah yeah well it was a bit of both i think sounding bad and then it being
39:12revealed to be quite a charming thing now do you think that the sort of nice element of sanjeev's
39:18attempt was somewhat compromised by it being revealed that the baby was in fact a beheaded old woman
39:26all babies are beautiful
39:27yes they are even those who are old without a body well they they have old faces and no body but
39:38they change they grow they grow a body they you don't have to you don't have to i did see my nieces
39:45when they were babies and they they definitely didn't just look like a head
39:48it's a really tough one to score this well there's a bit of math so i guess you can tell me
39:55how disgusting you found them all and then how nice you found them all yeah okay so any what's her
39:59disgustingness score out of 10 greg uh well it sounded absolutely disgusting nine nine yeah terrific
40:05and the niceness well she says she's having a nice time so i must take her word for it but i
40:09didn't enjoy watching it so seven cool nine times seven
40:16so annie at 63. maizey okay the cocktail looked absolutely delicious oh it was yeah
40:23it's lovely yeah look like you're having a lovely time so that it's a delicious nine thank you
40:28yeah but no way does that cocktail involve those noises a person being horribly attacked
40:34two two two times nine 18 right so we've got 63 18. phil get complicated phil let's go all the
40:42way up the line this will do wow the noises were awful horrible disgusting nine nine another nine when
40:47it was revealed he was having the time of his life yep and he's northern so why not pump your feet in
40:53gravy i'm not from the north but i presume it's great they squat and they uh they squat yeah
41:00i'm venturing by you saying they squat i just think it's important what do people from the north do
41:06they squat and they lick you know that so it's nine times eight eight which is
41:19i do know my eight times table nine times eight is 72 yeah yeah so you're doing that little
41:26smug thing like i don't know my time's table i'll fuck you up mate how about that do you understand
41:33those mouth great who's next it's reese next i could tell he was blowing a trumpet it didn't
41:43sound that disgusting seven seven the reveal i don't know ducks but there was a bubble coming out
41:48of his head hey we know eight times seven don't we we all know eight times seven don't we don't wait
41:59what is it it's loads
42:03phil what's eight times seven well i mean but what is a number you know like
42:09good okay so we've got sanjeev yeah well it sounded absolutely disgusting great like a nine nine
42:17disgusting niceness um i don't know why i'm charmed by it nine
42:29uh major you've got 18 your score so that's one point in fourth place it's reese with 56 is your
42:36score so that's two points and yet you're in third place you scored 63 three points phil 72 four points
42:43for sanjeev gets a full five points with 81. all right everybody will you make your way to the
42:51stage for this series first final task of the show
43:05hello young fellow my lad hi greg who will be reading the task out uh sanjeev will please
43:11end up on your spot you must obey the taskmaster's instructions closest person to their spot at the
43:20end of the task wins so it's quite a simple task they're all standing on spots at the end of the
43:26task you need to be as close to your spot as possible i have the health and safety whistle
43:31if there's danger i'll blow it please stop first instruction please completely cover your eyes
43:39using one of these pop these on nice and tight please guys nice and tight
43:51are they complete are they
43:54i need to worry about one of sanjeev's eyes fell off
43:58okay march on the spot until the end of the task so that means whatever happens you must keep marching
44:05it's just uh just uh just uh just be careful just be careful just be careful
44:29okay take two big steps backwards
44:39that's plenty sanjeev
44:44next instruction take two nice big steps to the left
44:49uh
44:53amazing
44:54oh
44:59you're fine you're fine
45:02take two nice big steps forward
45:14Take two nice, wide steps to the right.
45:29Where's the edge?
45:30Nothing, don't worry.
45:31Keep marching.
45:32Jump quite high.
45:34Twice.
45:39March on the spot flamboyantly.
45:44Stop!
45:49Please freeze in those positions.
45:52Was it all a dream?
45:56How could I end up facing that way?
45:59We'll score those and we'll add it to your final scores.
46:02Come down here and join me!
46:12Wow, wow, wow.
46:13Genuinely dangerous.
46:15Yes, they should have been wearing protective clothing.
46:17They should.
46:18Or we should have put a mat down or we should have thought it through more.
46:21Still.
46:22Yeah.
46:23The thing was, they were meant to stay on their spot.
46:25They didn't really do that.
46:26Reece, you were the furthest.
46:27You get one point at the end of that.
46:29Phil, two points.
46:30Sanjeev, you came third, three points.
46:31Second place.
46:32Maisie, four points.
46:33And you do it with the closest at the end.
46:34You get the full five points.
46:35Well done.
46:36APPLAUSE
46:37And so...
46:38And so it's a tighter first episode than some of us were expecting at the beginning.
46:43At the bottom it's Sanjeev with 12 points, but our first winner with 19 points, it's Maisie Adam!
46:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:51Maisie Adam wins!
46:53Please go and celebrate with some soft things I would benefit from having, but I'm not getting!
46:58APPLAUSE
47:12YELLLY
47:15YELLLY
47:18з
47:20YELLLY
47:23YELLLY
47:25YELLLY
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