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BRITCOM I
  • 1 week ago

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📺
TV
Transcript
00:00The End
00:29Hurry it up. Don't want to get raided.
00:31I have to check the dragon.
00:33It's a dragon.
00:39If you don't want it, go and watch fucking Ghostbusters, yeah?
00:41Relax, Christy, will you?
00:43Give us a minute.
00:47Is it real? Yeah.
00:49It's genuine. First generation.
00:51Look, this is the last of the money, alright?
00:53Don't throw it away.
00:55Just stick to the plan, follow my lead
00:57and don't show any weakness, yeah?
00:59Yeah. Not a penny over 25.
01:01Let's go.
01:07The best we can do is 20.
01:09Alright, that's all we have.
01:11You're fucking joking. I'm taking all the risks here.
01:13The distributor of that film,
01:15he's in prison, you know that, lads?
01:17Okay then, 30, alright? But no more.
01:19It's number 71.
01:21It's worth it.
01:23Ah, 71.
01:25You've nearly got the full video nasty collection.
01:29And you need this one.
01:3340, or I walk.
01:35Yeah.
01:47That's, do yourselves a favour
01:49Day-quin?
01:51This is the age of a thunder a rage
01:55Can you feel the Ooh Oooh
01:57If you take one step close to riddle it to another
02:02The crash of the pods won't leave
02:05I shout out for sure that I need you for something
02:09Your whole world's out, they're all on the street
02:13To yourself
02:14Lovers, all you need
02:19To yourself
02:22You have been warned is the message to video retailers
02:27If you stalk any of the titles on a list circulated by Scotland Yard
02:31You could end up in court
02:33Public concern is growing as more evidence of the video's corruption of children comes to light
02:39Video Nasty has replaced The Conjurer and the party games at parties
02:43I haven't seen it, I have far too much respect for my night
02:47We actually saw people eating live monkey's brains
02:51The DPP has compiled a list of 72 films that are to be banned
02:5610,000 tapes have been seized
02:59Police seized 22,000 cassettes
03:01One of 4,000 video Nasty seized in the biggest raid yet
03:04I can't understand people who get entertainment value from death, gore, torture and horror
03:10These films not only affect young people but I believe they affect adults as well
03:16Enjoy your Catholic couples course
03:30It's a religious retreat
03:31We'll be checking everything when we get back
03:35Homework, chores, everything
03:38One step out of line, you'll be grounded till after your exams
03:41Yeah, you'd love that
03:42Me's stuck here so you don't have to speak to each other
03:45There he is now
03:50I'm Billy
03:52How you going?
03:53Keep an eye on her, will you, okay?
03:55Make sure she goes in tomorrow
03:56You're the responsible one
03:57I'm the older one
03:58Lads
04:00You have to watch a movie
04:02Yeah, um
04:04Cracky kid
04:05Right
04:05Yeah
04:06Wax on, wax off
04:08See you on Sunday
04:08See you on Sunday
04:09I don't know if I'd even seen Cracky kid
04:15How's he fuck?
04:18Ahem
04:18Look, you behave yourself, alright?
04:30Rent a movie and get a few cans of coke
04:31I want chipper too
04:32What?
04:34And I need materials for my art project
04:36Okay, but that's it
04:39Okay, bye now
04:40Alright
04:49Number 71
04:50Usual rules
04:52No screaming
04:53No looking away
04:54And no shitting yourself
04:57That was one time
05:08Mr. Tits in this or what?
05:10Nah
05:10The sex is all employed in the sound design
05:13I'm just fucking with you
05:17Thought you were going all Kubrick on me
05:19Fuck Kubrick
05:20Shining was tame
05:21Me and you, we'll top that
05:23Oh, wait till we get to London next year
05:26Get some work on sets
05:28Work our way up
05:29Make some proper gory shit
05:30Yeah
05:31Yeah, let's just finish the collection first
05:33Before anyone costs where the Debs money went
05:40Look, stop freaking out about the money, alright?
05:45It's just a stupid graduation dance
05:47You're the treasurer
05:49You're entitled to invest that money
05:51Invest?
05:52I'm not sure people at school will see it that way
05:54It's their money we spent on these videos
05:56They won't have to see it
05:58Haven't even booked a venue
05:59Yeah, we'll pay it all back when we sell the full collection
06:02Right?
06:03All we have to do is find the final tape
06:04We already have a lead
06:06What?
06:07You're a pen pal
06:07She's not a pen pal
06:09She's a source
06:10Yeah, well, she's in the middle of nowhere
06:12In the middle of Middle England
06:13She can't do a postal exchange on this one
06:15Even if she does get her hands on the tape
06:17Well, then we'll find her here
06:18Alright?
06:20Don't lose your nerve now
06:21Get out
06:35The girls are on their way
06:36No, this is our time
06:38You've the whole house
06:39There's no video player
06:41What are you even watching, anyway?
06:44The girl gets killed in the woods for?
06:46Spoiler
06:47She gets killed in the woods again
06:49It's nightmares in a damaged brain
06:51It's extremely rare and valuable
06:53And weird
06:54Take your messed up video and get out
06:56You're not using my VCR to watch Flashdance again
06:58Do you want me to tell Mum and Dad about your video collection?
07:02They left their phone number
07:03Who are they going to blame?
07:05I'm the Alta boy
07:06You're the one they think is going mental
07:08I'll get their camera as well
07:15Give them a nice surprise when the role is developed
07:17Alright, alright, fine
07:18You can have the room
07:19Well, I'm taking this
07:22Oh, come on, don't be an arsehole
07:24Are you on your bike?
07:25How are you even going to carry it?
07:28I can carry the plug
07:29Billy, what are you doing?
07:32Billy?
07:33Put it back
07:34Put it back
07:35Quick!
07:38I don't know what he's got over you
07:40He's going to get you strung up over that cash
07:42Shut up about it, will you?
07:44I knew I should have told you
07:45Have you told him about next year yet?
07:50Jesus, come on
07:50You're going to have to tell him eventually, you know
07:52Now he's going to turn it down
08:10Shut up
08:10That's Tony Allen, don't disrespect
08:12This is your music
08:16I don't even know what you're saying
08:18It's Niger
08:18Irish boy
08:20You pick it up if you listen properly
08:23Can I put things back?
08:24Then how would you learn to look after the place?
08:27Someone has to prepare you for the real world
08:29What do you even do making a sandwich?
08:32I'm cooking
08:32Stop complaining
08:33You'll be a happy man when you see what I've got
08:36Did you get some more of those seized haves?
08:43Some idiots tried to smuggle them in from Italy
08:46I don't know why you can't trade some nice comedies
08:49You know it's valuable
08:50At least you are showing some initiative
08:54Take what you need
08:56Bring the rest over to the video shop
08:58See what TJ will pay me for now
09:00There's a few good ones in here
09:02But it's mostly Italian jala that I already have
09:05And some mainstream shit that TJ won't take
09:07What about this girl in England?
09:09You're a pen pal
09:10Fangoria fun girl
09:11Trade them with her
09:12Figure it out
09:14Nobody's gonna hold your hand
09:16Fangirl, not fun girl
09:18She's not a pen pal
09:19She's a fellow collector
09:21Is she collecting boyfriend?
09:25Why does she write to you so much?
09:44bought her
09:46The train
09:51showedalin
09:52She's a handful of notably
09:52She told которой
09:53Who wouldn't her
09:54Her letter
09:55told her
10:02Oh, by two
10:03You have 2013
10:03Who am I
10:04Who am I
10:05Who am I
10:06You have
10:07Not started
10:08Dai
10:09Hello?
10:39Right then, let's go through...
10:43Look, let's just do it.
10:45Why?
10:46Because it's hurling today and faking off PE is fucking cliché.
10:50I want it to be authentic.
10:52But I'm good at faking injuries.
10:53Fuck you with my vision, Colin.
10:55Eyes on the prize.
10:58Now, we've got the hot plate, the heating mantle...
11:02Right then, fuck it.
11:05Okay, on the count of three, yeah?
11:08Three, two, one...
11:38No one's crazy anymore...
11:43No one's mad enough, no...
11:45No one's mad enough...
11:56Any leads in the classifieds?
11:58I can't see anything.
11:59It's hard to decipher some of these messages.
12:05Got one for you.
12:06The ginger dead man.
12:07You know, like...
12:08The ginger bread man.
12:09What's it about?
12:10Ginger zombies.
12:11With the budget of your pubes in red.
12:13Run, run, as fast as you can.
12:16You can't escape.
12:17The ginger dead man.
12:18Yeah!
12:19It's a good one.
12:23Are we queers?
12:25What is it this week?
12:26A wanking injury?
12:27What?
12:28I see.
12:29You're predictable.
12:30Look at you.
12:31With your gay little bandages.
12:32You people are just scared to get a whack of a whore.
12:36You people?
12:37Whatever happened to me being a packy?
12:39You know, that was fun.
12:40Wildly inaccurate, obviously.
12:42But fun.
12:43Shut the fuck.
12:48You're really phoning her in today, aren't you?
12:50You don't want to watch your mouth.
12:52See, I've been hearing things.
12:54Throwing around money on videotapes.
12:56That old sister works in the hotel.
12:58Says, uh, there's no booking for the Debs ball.
13:01If I find out you're after taking my money,
13:03I'll bust you.
13:04I'll bust you.
13:07Take the fuck away from me.
13:25You alright?
13:26Me?
13:27Yeah, I'm grand.
13:30You can't let them get to you, man.
13:32I mean, we watch heads explode.
13:35On trails, getting torn out.
13:37We deal in a legal contraband.
13:41They think they're hard.
13:42We're fucking...
13:43rocks.
13:46Yeah, well, they'll still smash us to pieces
13:48if you don't get their Debs money back.
13:50Yeah, well, we'll push TJ on it.
13:51See if he has any leads.
13:55Sure you're alright?
13:57Yeah?
13:58I said it right to his face.
13:59I was like, sir, get fucked.
14:02Like, the only reason you failed me
14:03is because my mum won't have sex at you.
14:04In fairness, that's a pretty messed up way
14:06to talk to your dad.
14:07Yeah, I know, but, like,
14:08I told him not to take the job at our school.
14:11Dick.
14:12Since when did you jump out of Honor's maths?
14:14When you were out sick.
14:16For weeks.
14:18What?
14:20Nothing.
14:21It's just you never came to the phone, like,
14:23what was wrong with you.
14:26You're my mum.
14:28Who cares?
14:30Are we sorting this party or what?
14:31It's mid-term.
14:32I want to get shit-faced.
14:34Hey, Con!
14:36Can you nick us some holy wine from Father Pervert?
14:37No, he can't.
14:39He nearly got caught last time.
14:40Like you care the shit you drag him into.
14:42I'm right here.
14:43You're not invited to my party, by the way.
14:44You can stay at home and shag your video player.
14:47Why don't you go home and cry and hide out in your room again?
14:53Yeah, well, you can forget about dragging him to London with you next year.
14:55He's not going.
14:56Zoe.
14:57Well, it's true. I'm doing you a favour here.
15:02She's...
15:06Zoe!
15:11It's not what you think.
15:12I want to go. I do. I just can't.
15:14What are you talking about, can't?
15:16Well, folks, they won't let me.
15:18I have to go to college, Billy.
15:19Tear.
15:20Why are you such a pushover?
15:23Go on. Go home.
15:26Hey!
15:28You shitheads want to come to a party?
15:35Now, this scene was actually cut at the US virtual.
15:39It's been a dark horse.
15:41Oh, man, look at the eyeballs.
15:42Ah, I love it.
15:44You can actually see the inside of the skull.
15:47Oh.
15:48You wouldn't see that in our tail you want.
15:49Don't worry.
15:50Yeah, they used cow intestines for this scene.
15:54Yeah, it is.
15:55Like this, this.
15:56Yeah, so this tape was actually transferred from the Italian master.
15:59Sick bastards, I'm sure, aren't they?
16:02Yeah, well, apparently the lead actor was paid in drugs.
16:04So if you're looking to buy, sale price is negotiable.
16:08For rentals, I charge double for nasties, triple for blueies, quadruples for blasphemies.
16:12Oh, and an extra special fiver for life for Brian.
16:15Nice one.
16:16You're on.
16:17You're on.
16:18Ha-ha.
16:19What has my favourite freak got for me today?
16:21Is that supposed to be a compliment?
16:23All right.
16:24Bad day at the office.
16:25Don't let the bastards grind you down.
16:27Unless you're gonna film it.
16:28Arr-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r.
16:32Dad got another haul.
16:35Let's see what we can do.
16:37No.
16:38Yes.
16:39Ooh, expose.
16:40Yes, please.
16:42Any luck with damaged brain?
16:50Fuck me.
16:51This is a first generation original.
16:53Mm-hmm.
16:55Oh, you can smell the wrongness of it.
17:00Too much?
17:02All right, what is wrong with you today?
17:04You're down to the final film.
17:05I thought you'd be doing cartwheels.
17:07It's nothing, just money issues.
17:12Colin's not coming to London next year.
17:14Oh, man.
17:15I mean, I'm fine.
17:16It's just he could have told me, you know?
17:18That was the plan.
17:19The dream.
17:20To work on a real film set.
17:22Well, you still have the rest of the year.
17:24I mean, finish the collection together for a start.
17:26You're down to the last tape.
17:28William Asher's nightmare maker,
17:30a.k.a.
17:31Butcher Baker nightmare maker,
17:33a.k.a.
17:34Night warning.
17:35Do you have any leads?
17:36Because I can't find anything local.
17:38Nah.
17:39The trail's gone as cold as a witch's tit.
17:41Here, what about hitting up that sexy pen pal?
17:43She's not.
17:44I don't even know what she looks like.
17:47Or whatever.
17:48I thought she had a lead on one.
17:49But man, you should see what people are paying for the full collection on the black market.
17:52You get that tape, I'll get you three grand within a week.
17:56If I was you, I'd be swimming over to England to get that tape.
17:59Tell your ally, I'll drop that money down to him.
18:02Oh, and tell him I'm running low on blasphemy.
18:05Keep them coming.
18:07Class.
18:09After six increasingly bitter months of strike.
18:12To ask how and where in my death.
18:15Eh.
18:16Eh, waiting.
18:17How did we do?
18:19Uh-uh.
18:20There's plenty left here.
18:22He didn't need many.
18:23You should have convinced him.
18:25Yeah.
18:26You know that letter from your pen pal.
18:28Don't get carried away with that girl.
18:30She'll take it for an idiot.
18:32Not every girl's like ma'am.
18:46I don't understand.
18:47We're going to England.
18:48She has the tape.
18:49Nightmare maker.
18:50If we don't go tomorrow, it's gone.
18:52This is our chance con.
18:54We get the tape.
18:55We sell the collection.
18:57We pay back the money.
18:58Wait, just slow down for a second, will ya?
19:00She'd rather do a tape exchange with us.
19:03We have doubles of three films on her list.
19:06This is the trip, man.
19:08One last fucking hurrah before all this shit hits.
19:12Okay.
19:13Well, if I can't go to London to...
19:15Con.
19:16By the time you get back from this trip,
19:18you'll be gagging to come with me next year.
19:23So, are you in?
19:27Yeah.
19:28Because I already wrote back and told her we're coming.
19:31Okay, but we've no cash left.
19:33So, how do we pay for the ferry, the bus, everything?
19:37Your sister?
19:38Oh, no, she's the only one who knows how screwed we are.
19:41She has to help.
19:42I mean, all we need is a few quid.
19:46Fine, I'll do it.
19:47Wait, you're not going to go ask her now, are you?
19:49Well, would you rather ask her now when she's drunk?
19:51Or tomorrow when she's on the offer?
19:53Yeah.
19:54Yeah.
19:55Okay, let's...
19:56Yeah, wait.
19:59We're all right, aren't we?
20:00Yeah.
20:01I'm not going to let your parents ruin this at first, okay?
20:04Yeah.
20:05You and me, we need to finish this.
20:06We can get it done in like two days.
20:08Easy.
20:09Great.
20:10Okay, I'll come and pay to the hotel,
20:11I'll tell them you're going to Catholic Boy Scouts.
20:13Sound.
20:14I'm camping.
20:19Oi!
20:20Kid, Lizzie.
20:21You have some fucking neck showing up here.
20:23Oi, Lizzie.
20:24We're doing a show to one!
20:28Part me one of them.
20:32It's the last lemon.
20:33Don't worry.
20:34I have a lemon flavour.
20:35Dick, right here.
20:42Have you seen some?
20:43Hey, what are you doing here?
20:44Everyone's talking about you.
20:45Me?
20:46Where's Zoe?
20:47Where's Zoe?
20:48What?
20:49Zoe, where is she?
20:50She's upstairs, those skinheads.
20:51She was talking about you.
20:52Everybody's talking about you.
20:54Oi, come back here!
20:55I want to have a fucking war with you!
21:04Hey, what's going on?
21:05Oh man, some hammer board just thought I was a game of pinfinger.
21:13Oh!
21:14Oh!
21:15Oh!
21:16Oh!
21:17Oh!
21:18No!
21:19Oh my god, your hand!
21:20Oh god, it'll happen!
21:21Yeah, cunt!
21:22I knew you stole my dad's money, you...
21:24You okay?
21:25Yeah.
21:26Yeah.
21:27You okay?
21:28Yeah.
21:29Thanks.
21:30Photographed me.
21:31You okay?
21:32Yeah.
21:33Thanks.
21:34Photographed me.
21:35And I'm sorry that everyone found out you took their Deb's money.
21:38Yeah.
21:39You okay?
21:40Yeah.
21:41Thanks.
21:42For looking after me.
21:46And I'm sorry that everyone found out you took their Deb's money.
21:53I only told Rachel, but she was off her tits. Everyone was.
22:00It's alright. Just get some sleep.
22:12Just get some sleep.
22:18I, um, I cleaned up the blood in the bathroom, tidied up.
22:23What did she say?
22:23I didn't ask her.
22:25I mean, I can't.
22:26Look, we'll figure it out.
22:27We'll find the tape somewhere else.
22:28Yeah, what about the money, Con?
22:30Everyone is out for blood.
22:31The police are going to be on this.
22:33I don't want to get charged.
22:34Look, I can't just take off, all right?
22:36There's a lot going on.
22:37I need to be here.
22:37Stop sucking up to your parents, Con.
22:39This is about us.
22:40You know I want to go.
22:41I'm sick.
22:42Look at this place, Con.
22:44This isn't even about the money.
22:45This is me and you.
22:47I'm getting packed, and I'm getting the first bus to the ferry.
22:50And if you're not at that bus stop in the morning, I'll know exactly what you think.
22:54I'll find a way to finish this myself.
22:56I want to go.
22:57I'll find a way to go.
22:58I'll find a way to finish this while I'm at it.
23:03I'll find a way to walking.
23:04I'll find an way to finish this φιο.
23:05I'll find the rest of the ferry.
23:06There's a way to pass over the ferry.
23:08Roadkill, the triple mouse!
23:38You got the money?
23:39Yeah.
23:40You see, I told you!
23:41Born producer.
23:42Yes!
23:43Just a couple of strings.
23:44What?
23:47No!
23:48No way!
23:49Yeah, yeah, yes way!
23:51I'm gonna be grounded for life now.
23:53There's no way I'm going home to them.
23:55Soon as I get my cut, I'm moving out!
23:57Excuse me?
23:58Her cut?
23:59Yeah!
24:00If I'm funding this, we're gonna split the profit three ways,
24:03I get the deposit for a room, everyone's happy!
24:05No, this is our trip, our collection.
24:07I don't want some fucking fire starter tagging along.
24:09Yeah, you're the one who started this fire, okay?
24:11Getting Khan in over his head.
24:12Oh, yeah?
24:13Well, you're the one who blabbed about the money.
24:14And now I'm making it right!
24:16I'm not going home.
24:18I'm getting on that boat with Khan.
24:20You can come with us or you can go and cry about it.
24:22We're doing this.
24:24We're gonna get that tape.
24:26We're gonna get that tape.
24:27We're gonna get that tape.
24:33I'll get that tape away from you, everyone.
24:34You must catch a cat at theawks.
24:35If you ignore me, checking the truth.
24:36You're gonna get all my sodden start.
24:41I'll keep you in 22 seconds.
24:43I'll keep up.
24:44Hello?
25:04Hello?
25:34Hello?
25:58I've got a knife!
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