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DiversiónTranscripción
00:00facial hair the great taboo of female beauty but what if instead of fighting it we decided to
00:12embrace it in 2016 one brave 24 year old british woman appeared on the catwalk of
00:19london fashion week sporting a full beard so i'm on my way to go meet a lady called hanam
00:27she lives with a condition called pcos so it's polycystic um ovary syndrome and i think there
00:36are sort of various different symptoms one of them is excessive body hair and that's very much
00:42a part of her life hanam caused decision to bear all generated both applause and abuse sometimes i
00:53just want to cry you know sometimes i just don't want to speak to anyone but be your authentic
00:58selves she has since become an outspoken advocate for body positivity challenging our concept of female
01:06beauty so you can either look at us and admire or you can walk the cow on
01:15i want to learn about hanam's turbulent journey and discover the woman behind the beard
01:20i can't tell you how many thousands of pounds i've spent on you know waxing and lasering there's not
01:36a hair on my body and the idea that a lady would have like a full-on beard feels so strange to some
01:43people probably most people so the idea that she's sort of come out and really to ownership of
01:50you know who she is of course that's pretty bloody cool isn't it
01:57for the first time on this show i will not be staying at the family home interestingly i am staying
02:05in an airbnb with hanam because i think for whatever reason filming at our house just wasn't an option
02:13but keen to meet her hi oh my goodness me how are you how are you all right i'm good i'm good i'm
02:35good well this is where we're staying for a few days i'll take this oh we've got bags to space
02:42loads of things that's my boy kai oh my goodness me oh he's so handsome can i say hello yes you can
02:51kai yeah he's 18 19 months old oh he's a baby he's still a baby hello kai oh i know all the fuss
02:59he's a gentle giant he's so stunned i really love dogs right i had a bulldog
03:05hanam it was like i'd given birth to this dog yeah i just loved him so so much i can imagine
03:11so you're from london i'm from london london born and raised yeah do you live in your family i live in
03:16my family yeah we're like such a small family my mum and my dad and my younger brother so they're from
03:22india um travels here like what 32 years ago 33 years ago had me so talk me through the weekends
03:31what are the plans so tonight i'm cooking for you great i have loads of models coming
03:36and to a studio because we're going to be doing a photo shoot for my makeup brand monday is
03:43going to be a bit difficult for me because we're going back to my school we're going to meet one of
03:47my teachers who i just adored growing up okay loads to do busy weekend we're staying in an airbnb
03:54yes this is so unusual for sleeps over tell us why it weren't possible to film at your home because of
04:01who i am i guess culturally um religiously being a woman with tattoos piercings i'm very outspoken
04:11a lot of people feel like i'm going against the sick religion
04:15and due to that i do get a lot of death threats death threats death threats yeah mad just for
04:21being who i am that's why we're not filming in my house because i want to sort of protect the
04:27privacy of my parents where i live like i have a duty of care for them it's not the relationship
04:32with your folks no it's problematic no the fact that you're sort of you're protecting them really
04:37it's not just that oh she's a bearded lady no it goes in deep like real hatred from people just
04:43because of who i am i've decided to as a south asian woman be very outspoken about certain taboo
04:50subjects you know yeah wow well let's have a brilliant weekend in this absolutely me you
04:57hi hi hi hi's knackered he hasn't done anything he's so bored i've been here 20 minutes and he's asleep
05:05should we go and find our bedrooms yes get settled have a cup of tea
05:09mm-hmm so we've got this bedroom here i do love how big the beds are by the way and then we've got
05:17one more just right at the top penthouse and this one's got a non-suite bathroom and it's got
05:22a mini fridge i slightly want this one you have this one we'll put you in the ph what's a ph penthouse
05:29oh she should it's not every day that you meet a woman with a beard i was expecting to hear that
05:40she got hassle and people passed judgment and people would say cruel insults i hadn't taken into
05:48account that death threats would would be something she's got to contend with
05:55i think over the next couple of days i'm definitely going to learn a bit more about
06:01the scale of sort of people's reactions and outsiders perceptions of an arm
06:09you've got such good skin i would love to see that color on you really yeah i'm blue white look how
06:16pale i am that'd be fine for me look i've got a dry skin cream because i get like combination skin uh
06:23an aqua cream for like hydration then i've got like a primer you're going to be so deeply unimpressed
06:31with my makeup bag it's that big there's a couple of bits in here
06:37polycystic ovary syndrome can affect women in different ways and at different stages of their
06:42lives and for hanan the facial hair growth started to become an issue towards the end of primary school
06:48when you were in school were you trying to hide your beard yeah i started i think waxing at the age
06:56of like 13 but like my beard was like you're trying to get rid of me yeah bitch i'm gonna come back with
07:04a vengeance she grew because i'm sat here now yeah 31 year old woman with a flipping beard that's about to
07:13oil it and i'm just like how do i get to this point i didn't think i was going to live past 16
07:20i didn't think i was going to live past 23 i didn't think i was going to live past 30 and i've
07:25been in vogue japan i've been in teen vogue i've done a ted talk i'm you've been a cover girl i've been
07:32a cover girl for cosmo india i've traveled i've had my own tour i've collabed with like big big makeup
07:39companies like i've done so much that the girl inside is just like how on earth have you done
07:47that you know and i don't know and it came from having to be broken over and over again to then
07:56be able to stand up and be like this is me you know do you feel beautiful i feel internally beautiful
08:03my soul is beautiful i feel that like my personality is beautiful like my ruthlessness
08:10you know i find that beautiful can you see that you're physically attractive oh i'm hot as you
08:18should good for you like it's funny though because a lot of men are just like how do you do that like
08:24desperate for your secrets well a lot of the time that's where the hate comes from because it's like
08:29i challenge their manhood you know and when it comes to hate from women it's almost like i challenge
08:35their femininity you know yeah so when people say to you why don't you just get rid of your beard
08:43what's your answer why should i we're so focused on other people and how they see us like when was the
08:52last time we sat ourselves down and thought i want to peel back the layers of who we are because
08:58we're so used to other people's opinions of us and us taking on their opinions i'm used to the abuse
09:06but it's very taxing as well because there are days where i feel vulnerable and i ain't got time to
09:13feel vulnerable there are times where i don't really want to face the world
09:18okay come before we settle in for dinner i want to find out if hanam's choice of pet was one born
09:32out of necessity it was like the hardest thing to do is teach a rottweiler who's in charge
09:41so he's your first dog he's my first dog yeah talk me through why you felt like you needed
09:48mhm well first of all i've always wanted a dog then i was like if i want a dog i'd obviously want
09:56one that i absolutely adore but that can also help protect and guard he makes me feel safe you know so
10:04if someone was going to say something unkind or cruel or malicious they're going to think twice
10:09like he is the reason to why i am able to go out past a group of five six foot something men and
10:16not feel scared but then good boy what kinds of things do people tend to say oh wow people used to
10:27shout at me in the street like transphobic stuff like homophobic slurs to racist slurs um do you ever
10:37feel physically threatened yeah of course from the point that i have death threats and i know that people
10:44you know even from like my hometown are saying things to me like if i see you i will fill your
10:49body with bullets like like yeah physically threatened 100 are they saying this to you online online
10:57it's hard oh yeah you're using my body it seems that hanam has spent much of her life
11:05scared of the world around her not knowing when or from who the abuse may come from
11:14oh god oh god out out stop stop it out good boy hanam first met dog trainer raj when kai
11:28was six months old they've since become good friends
11:31kai sit brilliant give me a bit of love now a bit of stroking whatever
11:41bloods how long have you been training with hanam and kai it's over a year now okay first we built
11:48their relationship up showed her obedience of how to how her dog should act you know and rottweilers
11:54aren't inherently dangerous vicious no you can get poodles that are aggressive and yappy little ones
12:01yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah good boy good boy kai good boy good boy good boy good boy when raj started
12:11working with the pair 12 months ago hanam was at a real low point following a slew of online abuse see it
12:18when you're reading these messages that are being sent to a woman how did they make you feel quite
12:26sad and quite angry but since her confidence has gone way up here she actually just laughed at them
12:32she's like look right look what this guy said and i'm like um i'm like it's how am i supposed to act
12:40if she's laughing about it we've actually been able to go out to dog friendly bars and restaurants at night
12:46and she feels so confident and i've seen the change from last year to how she is now we are
12:51massive tell me about that it gives me a smile that does her confidence wasn't the greatest and it's
12:57nice to see that we've come such a long way it's been emotional to be fair has it made you change how
13:04you view femininity yeah coming from an asian background you know a bit closed off to that aren't
13:11you would you say hanging out with hanam has made you a bit more open-minded open-minded yeah really
13:18yeah 100 percent like what sexuality the way people think don't be so narrow-minded people need to kind
13:26of open their eyes a bit mom oh look at you watch him stop i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry get him off
13:42you couldn't pay me a million pounds to do raj's occupation not in a million years
13:56i'm sleeping over with body positive campaigner hanam core i'm like excited to cook for you i'm happy
14:06to help you just tell me what to do okay there's a lot of chopping yeah hello may we're just joining us
14:14for dinner is hanam's cousin rahul yeah come on in rahul moved to britain 18 months ago to study
14:23and has been living with hanam and her parents ever since so you live together exactly like my family
14:30yeah exactly just like back in india exactly like that do you want to join us and cook yeah absolutely
14:39do the onions take over with stacy i can clean up i think i'm a better cleaner than i'm a cook
14:44when you realized who your cousin was and the woman that she is talk me through how you felt
14:54i feel like yeah it's normal it doesn't matter she has a beard or not but i mean you are famous
15:01now when i go to my workplace when she usually picks me up every single person from my workplace
15:07like oh my days can i get a selfie please please please little things that make me like oh my days
15:14that's that's go that's my sister yeah yeah i was really surprised to hear that some of the abuse
15:24comes from people within your community actually it's the majority of it what religion did you follow
15:32so i was born and brought up in a sick family so sikhism or sikhi was the religion and obviously
15:40one of the rules is that you have to keep your body intact you can't drink have sex before marriage
15:48but that just wasn't for me i don't want to portray the religion in a bad way because it's so
15:52peaceful i've learned so much from it but i'd rather take the spirituality from it over the rules and
15:58regulations that's interesting so some people the issue isn't that you've got a beard it's that you
16:06have decided to be this powerful outspoken woman and you're not dedicating your life to religion
16:14anymore like how dare i wear a turban and have a beard and look like a certain type of person from a
16:22certain community and religion but then not abide by the rules and regulations of that
16:27so in in what way are you in their minds not sticking to your religion so i'm representing
16:37the faith in the wrong way like baptized seek women they live very simply and then i challenged that
16:43am i going to hell because i've got my nails done i'm going to go to hell because i'm wearing makeup
16:50and if that means that i'm going to hell looking like this i'm going to party with satan
16:57i could i bring these over yeah thank you this is so kind
17:08how's your food great i mean you know what's great the feeling you get when you've really
17:14contributed to a meal your onions made a well-rounded dish you know yeah brought the whole dish to life
17:19really hasn't it hanam has put up some strong defenses to cope with her situation but at the
17:26same time she's not without a sense of humor out of curiosity when you're eating something messy or
17:32fiddly is it more of a hassle having your beard i wanted to open a youtube channel series type thing of
17:41bearded lady eats and the problems that i have with eating certain foods stop it say for example
17:46like going to a subway get a fully loaded sub and try and eat the sub without anything touching my beard
17:56cheers cheers
17:57i'm almost finished hey i know
18:01there are a few parallels with me and hanam we're both women strangers have opinions when it comes to us
18:10but i can't pretend that i know how it feels to be ridiculed on a daily basis of course i read
18:19shit about myself but i'm not laughed at and well i am but you know not for my appearance
18:27it's saturday morning and i'm excited for the day ahead
18:46and so is kai oh kai i'm looking substantially less glamorous than hanam
19:03as well as online campaigns for body positivity this is my body my rules
19:10hanam has also been branching out into makeup tutorials
19:13so in this video i'm going to show you how to do this look i was a beginner once i'm sure you
19:18want to learn new things as well i'm so excited to show you how's my face stuns
19:26you are looking a whole mood to be honest the reason why i'm wearing this dress is because i need
19:31to do like shoulder shots and it's easy to just pull down i'm ready let's go let's go and do a photo
19:38shoot today she's organized a photo shoot to launch her very own makeup range
19:46these are literally the eyeliners there got the purples oh congrats we've got the blues god today's
19:54such a big day for you it's so huge it's absolutely huge i'm like i know what i'm doing but you know when
20:00you're like flustered i'm a bit flustered the hk beauty range will be launched online later in the
20:06year but hanam has taken what some may consider a gamble with how she's promoting her brand
20:15rather than finding models that fit with society's standard of beauty hanam has reached out to people
20:21that have a similar story to her at some point they've all felt ostracized for who they are
20:27i remember hanam saying to me last night it's so important to her that this shoe is promoting
20:35genuine inclusivity i spent the majority of my life having to hide my individuality people love
20:43shouting faggot at me out the window and that's what it usually is so it's nice to be included
20:50how do you know hanam we did a shoot i think it's four or six years ago and it was again for like
20:55being unapologetic about who you are and i fell in love with her from then really she's great could
21:00we do one where you're like sort of side profile on and with the hands that way
21:08well that's stunning out right it's not what about tokenism like just because i've used
21:15like a model of color doesn't mean i'm not going to use them again and there's some brands out there
21:20that will tick that box of oh yeah we've got diversity now no you actually don't because it's not in your
21:24ethos and i would always always always root for people that are different to be like look you feel
21:30like you're not represented come to me for hanan this is more than just a passion project failure
21:39is not an option i want to see myself my team of makeup you know harvey nichols you know i see myself
21:46global 100 but because i'm so passionate about it it can't do anything but work
22:00should we do some more arms up ones because that was quite nice yeah so nice determined to break the
22:07mold of how society views beauty and arm intends to promote her makeup brand with true inclusivity
22:14one eyes are maybe looking at me actually one of the themes that hanan wants to tackle
22:20is the acceptance of female body hair why do you think some women in the uk feel like we've got to
22:28get rid of any body hair i think it's society's standards and i think people think it's more feminine
22:34if you have left hair i can't tell you how many hours i've spent lying in a compromising position
22:40being lasers with a laser up my arsehole i swear why am i doing this oh these are beautiful that's
22:49wicked that one part-time model sha comes from the julia roberts school of thinking when it comes to body
22:55hair when you're hired as a model do they ask you know have you got body hair are you willing to remove
23:05the body hair do you have to have those kind of conversations sometimes if you're lucky enough you
23:10get to have those conversations because for me i'm a hairy woman so if i turn off onto set as me sometimes
23:16it's like oh has anyone got a brazer and it can feel really awkward it can feel really belittling and
23:21it it's kind of something that i hope changes in the industry what's interesting is when you speak
23:26to women they say all their partners sort of don't like it when their legs are bristly or you know
23:34they haven't shaved their panty or whatever i mean have you ever been in those kinds of situation
23:39my ex-girlfriend she refused to allow me to grow my armpit hair she was absolutely disgusted by it
23:46and your your partner now she sees all of you and she just thinks you're bloody beautiful she just
23:52doesn't care she just thinks whatever makes you feel good and i think that's the key like it's not
23:57about an aesthetic it's about a feeling gorgeous yes love that let's recreate that because that's
24:06beautiful i don't even know how i did it the more time i spend around hanam the more i get a sense that
24:13she's had enough of feeling suppressed and is now making up for lost time beautiful
24:19we gotta get a cheeky one in i think i'm using my platform and the privilege imagine that i'm a
24:26south indian woman beard in a turban living in the west and i'm privileged i want to use that
24:34to then empower other people and i want to be able to do that for each and every person that wants to
24:38join this join this movement this one's going to be the one it's heartbreaking to know that so many
24:49people have felt judged or othered what's promising is that they're in a totally different space now
24:59that's perfect right guys it's a wrap
25:17it's my third day sleeping over with hanam kore
25:20so we're in berlin the first country on a european tour you're so excited
25:31netherlands with acetone baby since building up her online platform hanam has spent much of
25:38her time touring my name's harnam kore thank you so much for coming telling her story and spreading
25:44awareness about her condition i'm going to show the next little girl that's got a beard growing
25:49there do you know why you can keep it if you want to i don't want people to think that oh my
25:52god if i'm different then i'm a freak and this is the job that i have to do thank you so much
25:57polycystic ovary syndrome or pcos elevates testosterone levels which is what causes the
26:04facial hair growth but this is just one of the many symptoms
26:08so will we sit around here does that feel all right yeah yeah yeah we've been invited to attend
26:20a meeting with the self-funded pcos charity known as verity well listen thank you so much for your
26:27time so i appreciate it this nationwide support group reach out to women affected by this surprisingly
26:34common condition so pcs affects one in ten south asian women one in two wow so it's really quite
26:41new that younger people are getting diagnosed now whereas 10 15 years ago it was when you were going
26:47through fertility treatment what do the symptoms side effects look like pcos is different every year
26:54of your life so when you're when you're 16 it's oh my god my periods are horrible or then you get to 17
27:00you're like oh my god my spots and then you hit 18 you're like oh my god is that a hair but then
27:04fast forward into your 20s you're like i want to have a baby and every year is something completely
27:09different so are you actively trying would you like this will be started trying in january 2020
27:15unfortunately i can't have ivf because my bmi is too high but i can't lose weight because i've got pcos
27:21so have you met women who have pcos and have been able to have a family oh yeah so that's something
27:29yeah so we know it's it's totally achievable i get the impression that the ladies have wanted to meet
27:37hanam for quite some time i'm told that pcos disproportionately affects women from ethnic minority
27:45backgrounds so the idea that she's got this following and people listen to what she's got
27:51to say i think they're hoping that she sort of acts as a bit of an ambassador for them have any of you
27:58like ever been made to feel ashamed of the way that you look which has been connected to having pcos when
28:05you come from a black caribbean background family members they're very straight talking they don't
28:10kind of beat around the bush so like oh you put on weight well thanks yeah you want to be vulnerable
28:17it's hard to be strong all like it's exhausting being strong all the time what do you guys make of
28:24hanam empowering yeah that's really empowering you bring it to life yeah you don't sit there is
28:32everything wrong with me to do with pcos actually no it can be other things as we've all explained
28:37ourselves it just feels like you can actually accept yourself and that needs to be done so much pcos it's
28:45really hard it gives you hope and it inspires because that's what i attain for is that power in
28:54loving myself so to see that is great i didn't know a huge amount about pcos prior to hanging out with
29:08hanam i've definitely learned loads lots of women are affected but i get the sense they're learning to
29:14live with it they've overcome hurdles and they're living fulfilled lives like that is possible we
29:21have all touched on so many like negative parts of it but i also do have like a real positive out of it
29:28i've never ever been so in tune with my body right when there's a line in the women's toilets i go into
29:34the men's no one says anything
29:43how was that for you very informative i feel like i learned things about myself that i didn't even know
29:52they really seemed so proud of you i was not expecting that i do not want someone to struggle
30:00with it i want someone to be like i'm going to own it in my own way and try and take care of myself
30:04the best i can and to know that there's so many people here and around the world that have it we
30:10can all support each other oh that's your um profile pic let me see stuns i've never been on any
30:25dating app can i have a nose will you show me hanam appears completely at ease with her femininity
30:33but i'm interested to find out how an outgoing woman with a beard deals with the world of romance
30:40are you casually dating anyone i am casually dating but also it's like i'm very straightforward
30:45like i do have polycystic ovaries like this is how i am you know i just love like flirty banter make
30:52me laugh you know go on crazy dates i would have crazy sex i just want to have a good time with
30:58whoever i'm with as you should you said to me when we met i'm pansexual yeah what does that mean
31:06pansexuality is literally hearts not parts so it doesn't matter what your sexuality is what your
31:12gender is what you look like i'm literally in love with you for the way that you are internally have you
31:19ever attracted men that have a fetish and they try and objectify you always it's always the case i
31:27think for some people it's like i want to try her in a sexual way to get a notch on their belt and also
31:33to see what it's like but then i'm not an object for you to try have keep whatever for your own sordid
31:40doing and i don't think i've ever really been in a long-term relationship ever i was engaged at the
31:49age of 21. stop i would not call that a relationship because i went through so much trauma because i don't
31:56want it to downplay what a real relationship is if that makes sense someone from the local gurudwara so
32:02the sikh temple said oh her name and her family are going to india maybe there's someone out there for
32:08her right so he knew of someone i went to india and had all these people that were telling me i
32:14never get married they never get married and i really wanted kids young because i wanted to be
32:17a young mum and i thought you know what let's just go for it he's all right with me he's seen the beard
32:23he seems to be okay with it sort of thing what was his reaction when we first met nothing just said hi
32:30formal very formal right because obviously we're not supposed to be lustful before marriage and have sex
32:37before marriage or have any sort of relations before marriage etc and then nine days later we got
32:43engaged that was our first meeting and then came all that you cans and your can'ts you're not allowed
32:50to wear makeup no tattoos no piercings and she goes if i know that another man's had his way with you
32:57we'll merely sleep together next to each other as husband and wife but i'll never touch you
33:02how long are you engaged oh i broke up with him two months before we were supposed to get married
33:08i thought this can't do this what did your parents say they were happy my dad's probably like i don't
33:13need to chill out shut up money and that for this wedding in many ways hanam is quite the feminist she
33:21has decided to reject some of the rules laid down by religion she's certainly not going to entertain
33:31any misogyny am i going the right way so yeah you've cancelled that much okay you know you have to
33:37respect women that really decide to do things their way when it's not the status quo he looks like he was
33:45in harry poire he's a bit young for you he's way too young he's all right
33:58since the age of 22 hanam has not only accepted her beard growth she's embraced it even promoting a
34:05brand of beard and hair elixir but for a girl accepting a beard is never going to be easy
34:12so these you'd have been how old must have been a toddler then you are just the cutest little thing
34:20would you say you had a happy childhood yeah absolutely things only went wrong when my body
34:26started changing when hanam's facial hair started growing at school the bullying started when you were
34:33in school were you trying to hide your beard i used to get growth around my throat area and like my upper lip
34:41and when i was a lot younger my mom took me to the beauty pilot to get my face works i went through
34:45the most horrendous flipping pain the beautician she went like that i screamed the place down and that
34:52was like what i had to go through twice a week you know and your mum's probably thinking that she's
34:57helping yeah because if we get rid of this facial hair my child is getting less hassle at school which
35:04wasn't the truth yeah my hair just grew darker longer faster you know and just spread oh my god me and my
35:10mum are matching that yeah your mum is so chic here what's your relationship like with your mum now
35:17it's all right i mean i know she loves me i know she cares but they've put up with a lot of things that
35:23i put them through the way that i came home from being bullied and then retaliated at home because
35:29i was just sick of it like they've had to put up with a lot although still haunted by experiences from her
35:37childhood hanam wants to try and face her demons tomorrow the plan is to go back to hanam's secondary
35:45school and i get the impression she had quite a tough time of it and she's hoping to resolve some
35:53childhood trauma but that requires resurrecting old ghosts so i really hope it she finds it beneficial
36:08morning it's your crumpet yeah perfect one or two two please what do you have on your crumpet i think i've
36:17like butter yeah just like i've got a cup of lemon off my top though i didn't steal it guys it's been paid
36:30for disclaimer it's my last day staying with hanam and a big day for her how are you feeling about
36:38seeing your teacher last two weeks that's all i've been doing is thinking about like if i was to drive
36:42past the school envisioning myself in front of him as a young girl like induced out panic attacks
36:48what are you going to get from today closure i don't think i'll get it though
36:53well let's just sort of take today as it comes it's just a walk through through hell it'll be fine
36:59though hanam's school days were largely unhappy there was one teacher that was a beacon of light
37:15and that's who we're meeting now hi how are you doing so good how are you yeah good
37:20nice to see you you look so well nice to meet i'm stacy likewise sashi was hanam's religious
37:28studies teacher he is now the school counselor i still remember you with your helmet and your bike
37:35oh helmet oh did you sign i had no i had a scooter no your scooter yeah is that as much cooler oh it was
37:43you haven't changed or anything i got some gray hairs they're just coming on
37:46oh nice i'm working them i'm working them because i feel like i don't know it just says i can't do this
37:58you can you can you've done plenty girl
38:07i'm so excited to meet you but like coming back here i just still feel
38:11like i feel vulnerable still you're honestly gonna be fine you've already done fine yeah i know
38:19it's just um i still feel like i'm still your student
38:25that's a privilege thank you
38:29like i don't even know if i'm allowed to take my phone out um
38:34i think you need to relax i know you're 31.
38:36this place is hell on earth for me right and right now i'm having to face it not knowing if
38:42i'm going to get closer and i don't even know if i need it now
38:46like i struggle with deep psychological trauma and it's not your fault like i'd get dreams of
38:52being like gang raped by all my bullies and then like they'd have their like hands over my mouth
39:00so that i can't speak you know and that's how i felt as a young girl like no one's listening to me
39:06or like the amount of times i came here with self-harm scars or sat right here i wrote a
39:13suicide note printed it there and had girls look at me read it and laugh at me
39:19overdosing downstairs in the girls bathroom
39:23couldn't walk in here without crying like imagine when i was young like that was mad
39:29but it shows you how strong you were to come back every day day in day out to come and face that
39:34i thought i'd never see it like that yeah but it's true for me like just hearing you talk at
39:40the moment i'm super proud of you just for stepping over here today thank you and i'm amazed
39:46that i mean i i didn't really have anything to do with your journey you've done this all yourself
39:50yeah did you realize that hanam was getting bullied to the extent that she was not to the extent
39:58no i have a very isolated view teaching i'm just in that room and that is my world
40:04how do you remember hanam i experienced hanam as like a very quiet gentle person in class you weren't
40:14rude at all very compliant but quite genuine because we'd have discussions and you'd get involved in
40:21those yeah and that was a bit of a formative year for me because i was training as a teacher in that
40:27year as well but that's the thing though because when i look back at my school life like you really
40:32stand out and i don't think you quite know or understand the impact that you had in a positive
40:38way for a lot of kids i bet you didn't think that i'd look like this walking through those doors
40:45i don't know how you envisioned me but we were sitting as a family not long ago and just
40:50disgusting and because my wife follows what you're doing and stuff yeah you know there's respect
40:57it is a very difficult thing for a lot of children to come to school every day
41:02so if she was here now what would you tell her be a bit prouder speak a bit louder i know she's proud
41:10of me because i feel it i tell her that it will be okay you said say someday in this because i
41:18i'm wondering whether or not it might give me some closure where are you sat here now i'm just
41:25happy to be in your presence i think it's amazing to think of the fact that you've continued to push
41:32at who you are yeah i imagine that there's a lot of comeback on that on a hundred on a regular basis
41:37and yet you continue to keep going at it no matter what that's very powerful
41:45right this is going to be so interesting are you still got the computers up here and over there
41:51yeah i work out there was that lift always there yeah i think what today really illustrates is how
41:58rough a time she had it growing up i think her childhood there were moments when it was really
42:04so painful we had like one-way systems for the stairs as well like was this no i think when you're
42:13growing up you're so desperate to conform and the idea that she felt different you can't underestimate
42:20what that does to you yeah she did well today it's hard to comprehend the emotional journey that hanam
42:39has been on but her strength in character has meant she's overcoming adversity i think it's crazy
42:48interesting that this strong woman has sort of turned her back on what we're supposed to subscribe
42:56to and done things her way it's been wonderful i've had a lovely time you're right coming down yes easy
43:04you've got to have a bit about you to have that confidence to rock the beard what a weekend well
43:12thank you so much no likewise you helped me face my fears in the most
43:17amazing ways to thank you for your support i think she's very resilient courageous she's unapologetically
43:25herself which is what we all aspire to i think i think you know with hanam like the best is yet to come
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