- 5 months ago
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FunTranscript
00:00Transcribed by ESO, translated by —
00:30This is stupid.
00:32Why don't we take our own cars?
00:34I could have been there by now.
00:35Take four cars to Swindon.
00:36That is stupid.
00:37I don't like other people's cars.
00:39We agreed.
00:40No, I never agreed that.
00:42Yes, you did.
00:42No, I didn't.
00:43You said, we all go in one car, and no one gets there first,
00:45and no one gets the advantage.
00:47Brian's not going to give area sales to the fastest driver.
00:50Yes, he will.
00:51No, he won't.
00:51I'll give it to the one with the year's best sales sheet.
00:53That's me.
00:54Oh, yeah.
00:55In your dreams, mate.
00:56Because you shit on people who's going to get that job.
01:00Oh, about time.
01:03He is such a wanker.
01:05Hello, Ian.
01:06How are you?
01:06Hey, I don't normally pick up hitchhikers.
01:09Shit, he's started already.
01:10So long you had sports wheels, then?
01:12Yeah, nice, aren't they?
01:13Yeah.
01:13Who's worse do you have to play to get those, then?
01:15Hey, nothing like that.
01:17I got them on a close O'Donnelly's contract.
01:18You put three units, and you get upgraded.
01:20Two units biannually on a rolling lease, yeah.
01:23All I got was a hamper.
01:25I'd better go in the front.
01:27Well, I can't sit in the back, because I get sick.
01:30Yeah, but I've got long legs.
01:30It's too cramped for me in the back.
01:32It's a nice collar.
01:33You've been under a sun lamp?
01:34No, mate.
01:34Florida.
01:36Quarterly bonus, and it was super.
01:38We've got a free flight, free car.
01:39Yeah, good, was it?
01:40Yeah.
01:40I didn't go much on Florida when I was there.
01:43Can I just open a window, then, or something?
01:44But I've never sat in the back of a car, have I?
01:46Yeah, well, it'll be a new experience for you, won't it?
01:47Yeah.
01:48Oh!
01:49Come on, let's go.
01:51Come on, ladies.
01:52You've got pin lights.
01:53You've got quad sound.
01:55You can all change your memory.
01:58I'm not getting out of memory.
01:59I should be in the front.
02:00I've got longer legs than you.
02:03I said I've got longer legs than you.
02:06I should be in the front.
02:07All right, all right.
02:07I'll move the chair forward a bit.
02:09Ow.
02:10And hang this up, would you?
02:11There's only one hook, and my coat's going on that.
02:13No, I can't see out the mirror now.
02:16Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
02:18There.
02:18Now, will you move the seat forward?
02:22Forward!
02:22I just did it.
02:25I'm taking my own car.
02:28I can't get out.
02:29Ian, open the door.
02:30I can't get out.
02:31Because the child lock is on.
02:32I'm feeling sick.
02:40Well, put your foot down, Ian.
02:41What come I'm doing, 80?
02:42That's fast enough.
02:43Why don't you try doing 85 like everyone else?
02:46After sales promotions at 4.30 p.m.
02:49We've got the buffet, 6 to 7 p.m.
02:52Cabaret, the grumble weeds at 9.30 p.m.
02:55Well, why can't they just tell us in advance who's got the job instead of three of us wasting our time in the bloody Swindon?
03:02Hey, Tim, don't worry about it.
03:03The job's mine.
03:04Might not be yours.
03:06Might be Ian.
03:06Yeah, but Brian doesn't like Ian, does he?
03:12Oh, yeah.
03:13He liked me well enough when I pulled in the Donnelly contract.
03:17Donnelly's are as good as bankrupt.
03:18Well, I still satisfied their fleet service requirements, didn't I?
03:21Three units is not a fleet, Ian.
03:24Well, Brian thought so.
03:26And that is why I've got 17-inch rooms with low pros and you haven't.
03:30I can live without alloys, thank you, Ian.
03:33I'm feeling sick.
03:34Well, why don't you just open the window, then?
03:36Shut the window, shit!
03:49By this time tomorrow, one of us is going to be sitting in that glass office with his own parking space.
03:56Yeah, well, don't you worry about parking spaces, mate.
03:58You just think of all those brand new temps you get to shag.
04:01That's not what the job's about.
04:03Oh, isn't it?
04:04It's just a responsibility.
04:06Oh, here she goes.
04:07Oh, that's why they give you a company credit card.
04:11And all the junkies.
04:12What, an overnight in Belfast?
04:14No, no, opera and all sorts.
04:16Brian was telling me he went to a film premiere at the Odeon Leicester Square.
04:20And afterwards, he went to a party at Planet Hollywood and he sat right under the gun from Die Hard.
04:26The actual gun.
04:30I'm feeling sick.
04:31Yeah, hello.
04:34Hello, Bernie, mate, how are you?
04:36All right.
04:37Have one of them.
04:38Didn't you get the new parts?
04:39Well, it stopped me feeling sick.
04:40This is outrageous.
04:42Take your mind off it.
04:42Bernie, I'm in the depot right now.
04:44I'll sort it out.
04:45Hello, where are Bernie's parts?
04:46Speak to me, somebody!
04:47I'll put the petrol on the air miles card, yeah?
05:07The tie and the floor mats on the loyalty card.
05:10And the chewing gum, I'll pay cash for, of course.
05:12I'll tell with you.
05:13Look, I'll put the chewing gum on the loyalty card as well.
05:14No, the air miles card.
05:16No, look, in fact, I'll put everything on the air miles card except for the floor mats.
05:20So it's just the two receipts.
05:21Okay, love.
05:22We can't put confectionery on air miles.
05:25Oh.
05:26Um, well, have I got enough points on the loyalty card to pay for the floor mats to tie in the
05:30chewing gum?
05:34Afraid not.
05:35You haven't been loyal enough.
05:38Oh.
05:39Forget it, then.
05:41I'll just love the petrol, thank you.
05:44I'll just love it.
06:07Jim, sounds of the 80s.
06:08Never heard of it.
06:10Er, a compilation of tapes and then we're $6.99.
06:13$6.99, then.
06:14It's seven pounds.
06:17I can't get change out.
06:19That's OK.
06:21You can keep it.
06:34What's in those pills? My head's spinning.
06:38Sorry, but I'm starving.
06:40Oh, God, what's that?
06:41It's lamb biryani with pindaloo sauce.
06:43Cheers.
06:45Well, both of them don't see me.
06:46It's breathing in here.
06:47Anyone want to hear this?
06:48Sounds of the Aces, eh?
06:51See if you remember this.
06:53Hang on.
06:56Oh, yeah.
07:01God, look how good this was.
07:07Oh, yeah.
07:08Oh, yeah.
07:11It's his problem.
07:12Get a fucking life.
07:14I think he wants to get past it.
07:15Well, he'll have to wait, won't he?
07:17It's so many.
07:28What is the point in that, eh?
07:30I mean, what is the point in that?
07:31All right, step on, Indian, we've only got an hour to go.
08:01Pull over, I'm going to be sick. Come on!
08:08Stop the car!
08:11Oh, Jesus!
08:14It's more like a bastard when he acted!
08:16Power in power!
08:18I'm trying to let bastard won't let me!
08:22I've got to get out!
08:26Get out of the car!
08:29Get out of the car!
08:31Get back!
08:33Get in the car!
08:38Get in the car!
08:41Power in power!
08:43Indian, pull over now!
08:50Get out! Get out of the car, Stephen!
08:53Oh, Christ, Stephen!
08:54Get out of the car, you bastard!
08:58Please, all yours, Ian.
09:02Rick!
09:03Oh, God!
09:04Now, look, there's no need to get all Jersey!
09:11I've burned this shirt to the top man!
09:14Get in the boat!
09:16In the boat!
09:17In the boat!
09:18Oh, shit!
09:19Oh!
09:20Oh, fuck!
09:21Oh, fuck!
09:22Wait, next, next!
09:23This shirt does 49.99, you shit!
09:28Just off my suit, man!
09:29You all right, Ian?
09:44You all right to drive, Ian?
09:47Young fact, you fool get in the car.
09:51Well, come on, come on, you're late!
09:53Oh, what a stench!
10:00Oh, God!
10:02Shut up!
10:03Shut up!
10:04Shut up!
10:05Shut up!
10:08Shut up!
10:11Shut up!
10:13Shut up!
10:14Shut up!
10:15Shut up!
10:16Oh, God, this bloody music!
10:22Come on!
10:28Oh, thank God!
10:31Right!
10:32Come on!
10:35We're late.
10:38Yeah!
10:40Come on!
10:41Come on!
10:43We're late!
10:44Come on, come on!
10:46Right. Come on. We're late.
10:49Come on. Come on. We're late.
10:53What have you done to it?
10:55What?
10:56Oh, God!
10:59Bloody everything.
11:01Oh, God!
11:08Ian! Which one of these?
11:09Oh, God! Oh, God!
11:12Why are these so bloody complicated?
11:14Oh! Jesus Christ!
11:18Alan, are you all right?
11:20It's my arm. I think it's broken.
11:23I'm going to call. Call for help.
11:29What's so fucking funny?
11:31I was thinking about you having tetanus.
11:33That's not funny!
11:34A salesman with lockjaw.
11:37That's funny.
11:37That's not fucking funny!
11:39It's not fucking good!
11:41I just want to go to Swindon!
11:53There's been a multiple pile-up.
11:55We're going to be at least an hour.
11:56Oh, my God!
11:57Why don't we wait for the car?
12:00Oh, God!
12:01I'm not going to wait in there!
12:03Stay! Stay!
12:04Run back!
12:05No, stay!
12:06Stay!
12:06Come back!
12:07Come back!
12:07Come back!
12:08Let's get him off the road!
12:22Bloody hell!
12:22I've only just had it balloted as well!
12:25I've got to call Brian, tell him we might be a bit late.
12:28Yeah.
12:31I can't get a signal!
12:32Oh, there!
12:34Oh, guys!
12:34Oh, what!
12:45Oh!
12:51Oh, my God!
12:54Anybody there?
13:13Come on, come on!
13:15Open the door!
13:18Anybody there?
13:19Oh, come on!
13:22Just open the door!
13:24Oh, God, I'm dying!
13:26No, let's just go in!
13:28It's locked!
13:29Oh, God!
13:30Hello!
13:32No, no, Alan, no!
13:34Oh, oh, oh, wait, wait, wait!
13:36There's a key there!
13:41Hello?
13:53Anyone home?
13:54Where the hell's the phone?
14:03Just shot myself.
14:06Oh, jeez.
14:07There's no phone!
14:15Well, of course there's a phone.
14:29Everyone has a phone!
14:30Well, maybe it doesn't look like a phone.
14:33That's it, yeah, a novelty phone.
14:35Yeah, a Mickey Mouse or a Ferrari or something.
14:37Hello?
14:38Hello?
14:39Oh, very fucking funny.
14:41Hey, I think I've found it.
14:46Get out!
14:47Get out of my house!
14:48No, finish that.
14:52I don't want your bloody germs.
14:54Don't shoot.
14:55We're only salesmen.
14:56What the hell are you doing in my house?
14:58We had an accident on the motorway
14:59and we just found the key.
15:02Ian Crisp.
15:03Rampart financing.
15:05It's my home number.
15:06I'm in my mobile.
15:07I stand up, all of you.
15:08Tim Goodby.
15:10Pleased to meet you.
15:11It's all right, Tim.
15:12She's got my card.
15:13I suppose it was mine too, Ian.
15:14I can't actually get my hand into my pocket at the moment.
15:18But, er, hi.
15:20I'm Alan Sellers.
15:22And, er, wow.
15:24What a nice house you have here.
15:25I do apologise for the terrible intrusion.
15:28You're dripping bread on my carpet!
15:30Yes, I know.
15:30What a nice...
15:31Oh, I see.
15:32Sorry.
15:32Sorry.
15:32Good.
15:33You're still doing it.
15:34Move on to the lino.
15:35Go on.
15:35The lino.
15:37I'm coming now.
15:37Here we are.
15:39Thank you, sir.
15:40Madam.
15:41Madam.
15:41Madam.
15:42Look, we're all just a bit injured.
15:47And all we need is a phone and a tourniquet and a bucket.
15:51You've got him off my sofa!
15:54And clean up that mess, you bastard!
15:56Clean that up, you bastard!
15:57Yes, clean it up, you bastard!
15:58You bastard!
15:59You clean it up now!
16:00He's very, very sick, madam.
16:02Yeah, well, this is outrageous.
16:03You'll have to clean this mess up, all of you.
16:05Right.
16:05Good.
16:05God bless.
16:05Thank you, sir.
16:06Clean up his mess.
16:08Clean up his mess.
16:16Can you mind, you cocky feet?
16:17Sick of this!
16:18It's because I had 400 yards from the motorway.
16:21I'm treated like some bloody rescue center.
16:23Look, madam, please, could we just use your phone?
16:27No, you can't.
16:28Please, help us.
16:29We're dying.
16:30Well, I haven't got a phone.
16:31You're lying.
16:33Everyone's got a phone.
16:34I don't have one.
16:35That's why I live in this godforsaken place, so I can just be alone and have a little drink
16:39in peace.
16:41Look, madam.
16:42What's the chance of just borrowing that car out there, just for a couple of hours?
16:49No, Miss Wright's out of the question.
16:52We just want to borrow the car for a couple of hours, get it down to the station, and I'll
16:56tell you what, we are going to give you, little lady, 50 pounds.
17:00No, we're not.
17:02We're actually going to give you 75 pounds.
17:04Are you trying to buy me?
17:05Are you?
17:06No.
17:07Are you?
17:07Are you trying to buy me?
17:08Ian?
17:09Ian?
17:09Look, look, I'm just going to go out to get a signal, yeah, and then we'll be out of your
17:14air as soon as we can, all right?
17:17Have you got a toilet?
17:19No, of course I've got a toilet.
17:20How long do you think I've sunk?
17:22Thank you very much.
17:25Right, you've got ten minutes.
17:26If you touch everything, I'll blow your head off.
17:29Do you think she'd shoot us if I put the kettle on?
17:36It's your call, Tim.
17:40Listen, Timbo, I was just thinking I'll just pop outside and rub a bit of snow on this wound
17:47and see if I can't get it to freeze over a bit, so you just enjoy your tea, Tim, you prick.
17:56I knew we should have taken our own cuddles.
17:59I see a writer.
18:15What kind of package are you on?
18:18Just out of interest.
18:19What are you doing?
18:45I was just going off to get help.
18:49You were trying to steal her bike, weren't you?
18:52No, I wasn't.
18:53I was just walking past and he came at me.
18:55Come on.
18:57Don't knock me off.
18:58Ow!
18:58Ow!
18:59Ow!
18:59So, no, going through this again, I pay nothing for six months and then £40 a month there after.
19:06I just don't understand how they can do this in cheap.
19:09Well, no, it's all part of our purchase policy, you see.
19:11I mean, for instance, if you could buy a new car as well.
19:14Oh, I've got a car.
19:15Well, you could save even more money.
19:17No, my car's perfectly good.
19:18My car's perfectly good.
19:19Oh, yeah.
19:20That's the balladah, isn't it?
19:21Yes.
19:22Yes.
19:23She's fine for a writer, I suppose.
19:24But you take, like, another angle.
19:26Those nippy young woman's cars you see in the ad.
19:28Yeah.
19:29She's driving across Spain, you know, she's got wind in her head.
19:31A couple of gorgeous blokes in her back, you know what I'm saying?
19:33Very different image, right?
19:34Wind in her head.
19:35What I hate, though, is the one with the Arabs in the back.
19:39Oh, yeah.
19:40You don't like that one?
19:41No, I don't.
19:42I hate that one.
19:43You don't like that?
19:44No.
19:45But there's a very good one with, um, when they're driving a little green car and they've
19:47got little beefcakes in the back.
19:48Oh, that's the guy's good.
19:49She's going to have some fun.
19:50She's going to have some fun.
19:51Yeah.
19:52And that's the kind of image of the, that kind of car.
19:54Very silly.
19:55Very silly, even at 0% finance.
19:57Now, have the AIDS test, but we don't have to worry about that.
20:00Neasles.
20:01Proper pairs.
20:02I say no.
20:03And I say no.
20:05No.
20:06No.
20:07No.
20:08Drink.
20:09Drink.
20:10Drink.
20:11Drink.
20:12Drink.
20:13Drink.
20:14Drink.
20:15Drink.
20:16Drink.
20:17Drink.
20:18Drink.
20:19Drink.
20:20Drink.
20:21Drink.
20:22Drink.
20:23Drink.
20:24Oh, God.
20:25My leg.
20:26I think it's broken.
20:27Well, did you get through?
20:28Oh, we're in a dead zone.
20:29I'm going to have to walk to the nearest phone.
20:31Oh, yeah?
20:32Then you'll be off to Swindon, won't you?
20:33Leaving us here to rot.
20:34I never expected this of you, Ian.
20:36Not for an extra measly two grand a year and access to the executive washroom.
20:40You all right?
20:41Strong stuff, isn't it?
20:42Yes.
20:43Hello.
20:44Let me help you out.
20:45Yeah.
20:46Now, I've got exceptionally good terms.
20:47I think you're going to be very happy with us, Helen.
20:48If I just...
20:49If I just...
20:50If I just...
20:51You know, just to signature anywhere on this table.
20:54Oh, shit.
20:55What happened?
20:56She was about to sign this contract.
20:57She threw herself down the stairs.
20:58I think she's dead.
20:59Oh, great.
21:00We're going to have to get the police.
21:01So we spend all night answering questions and Trevor gets area sales.
21:02Let's just go.
21:03Yeah, it's nothing to do with us.
21:04Us?
21:05You were the one that was upstairs with her.
21:06That's it?
21:07You killed her.
21:08I was just selling her a car.
21:09I mean, she wouldn't sign.
21:10You killed her.
21:11Because you're so bloody desperate to make your units off.
21:12You shouldn't have done it, Steve.
21:13You're the one with blood on your hands.
21:14Hey, I've got her car key.
21:15Let's just go.
21:16I'm in the front.
21:17Thank you very much.
21:18Thank you very much.
21:19Hey, I was in the front, you bastard!
21:20Stop it, you and get in the back!
21:21Get away from me!
21:22Come on!
21:23Come on!
21:24Come on!
21:25Come on!
21:26Come on!
21:27Come on!
21:28Come on!
21:29Come on!
21:30Come on!
21:31Come on!
21:32Come on!
21:33No, no!
21:34Come on!
21:35Come on!
21:36No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
21:41You wouldn't sign.
21:42You killed her!
21:43Cause you're so bloody desperate to make your units off.
21:44You shouldn't have done it, Steve.
21:45You're the one with blood on your hands.
21:46Hey, I've got her car key.
21:47Oh, God. The greatest job of our lives on offer, and we're stuck in a snowdrift with a dead woman.
22:11She's breathing.
22:13We've got to get an ambulance.
22:15Don't let her die!
22:16Somehow.
22:17Don't let her die, Steve!
22:18Some way.
22:19I'm going to get a signal.
22:21Wake up!
22:22Wake up!
22:23Wake up!
22:24Wake up, you drunken bitch!
22:27Oh, I forgot.
22:28She's diabetic.
22:30She needs insulin.
22:31Well, get some insulin, then!
22:33I smashed it!
22:34You thieving, jokey bastards!
22:36I was only trying to cheer myself out!
22:38All right, all right, all right, look!
22:40Diabetics need sugar, so get some sugar!
22:42No!
22:43Bananas!
22:44Eat it!
22:45Eat it!
22:46Eat it!
22:47Get it!
22:48Get it!
22:49Give me more bananas!
22:50God, it's coming out of my nose now!
22:51God!
22:52I don't believe it!
22:53The signal!
22:54God, it's coming out of my nose now!
22:55God!
22:56God!
22:57It's coming out of my nose now!
22:58God!
22:59I don't believe it!
23:00The signal!
23:01Oh!
23:02Oh!
23:03Oh!
23:04Oh!
23:05Oh!
23:06Oh!
23:07Oh!
23:08Oh!
23:09Oh!
23:10Oh!
23:11Oh!
23:12Brian!
23:13Eh, yeah, we're just approaching the Swindon turnoff right now!
23:18She's slipping away!
23:19So now we're murderers?!
23:21Oh, bloody hell!
23:24You see what happens when you don't have a telephone!
23:27Did you get the ambulance?
23:35Just I got a signal.
23:38Brian called.
23:39Oh, Brian?
23:41Has he?
23:42He just had time to say we've all been sacked before the battery failed.
23:46Yeah, but he didn't include me, though, did he?
23:49All of us.
23:51He named us one by one.
23:53Sacked?
23:55Did he...
23:57Did he say anything else?
23:58Yes.
24:01He said we're dickheads and just a waste of petrol.
24:05So that's it, then?
24:07We're finished.
24:09Yeah.
24:10Yeah, we're gonna do it.
24:12Huh?
24:12Yeah, that's it.
24:13Alright.
24:153
24:152
24:192
24:205
24:21Satsang with Mooji
24:51Satsang with Mooji
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26:11soul-searching crap.
26:12You're salesmen, all of you.
26:15People don't come to you for the truth.
26:17They come to you because they need
26:19you to tell them what to buy.
26:21Right, you've had a setback.
26:23You're down to zero units
26:25and you've got no bonus points. But hey,
26:27who gives a shit?
26:31There are still as many mugs in the world
26:33as there were yesterday.
26:35You know, she's right, guys.
26:37There must be millions of mugs out there in the world.
26:39You hold on to that, Mr.
26:41Who's going to sign for these?
26:46Who are you?
26:47Just a bod from the depot. Stella.
26:49Nice to have you back. Stella rhymes
26:51with fella. Listen,
26:53I'm giving you guys a second chance.
26:55We all know the school,
26:57the endless road, stuck in an
26:59overheated sea on a diet of
27:01Rennie's and last month's copy of
27:03Loaded. But who cares?
27:05Because you're back in the game.
27:08So be confident.
27:09But above all, be well.
27:11Cocky.
27:12Now get out there, sell shit,
27:14and make Mama proud of you.
27:15Yes, Stella!
27:17Come on, guys.
27:17Let's just do it.
27:18Yes!
27:19Yes!
27:19Yes!
27:19Yes!
27:19Yes!
27:20Yes!
27:20Yes!
27:20Yes!
27:21Come on, let's do it!
27:22Yes!
27:23Yes!
27:23Yes!
27:24Right, this mint green girly car I've got on the back of the trailer with the two Australian
27:34beef cakes in it.
27:35So, er, you want to have some fun? Or you want to stay here and be a lonely old drunk rest of your life? The rest is yours.
27:41Come on, Stella.
27:42Come on, Stella. The year's cheap in Morocco. Let's go!
27:44So, er, you want to stay here and be a lonely old drunk rest of your life? The only two years ago. The man with the sweet and the face knew that he was there on the case. Now he's in love with you. He's in love with you.
27:58It's only two years ago, the man with the suit and the face
28:06Who knew that he was there on the case
28:08Now he's in love with you, he's in love with you
28:12My love is like a hot prison wall
28:16And you could leave me standing so tall
28:19I think he wants to get past others
28:21Well, he'll have to wait, won't he?
28:28Thank you
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