- 6 months ago
Taskmaster.NZ.S06E06 >>> https://dai.ly/x9pufbu
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Pull!
00:02Pull!
00:12Yes!
00:14Oh, ma'am.
00:16Au revoir!
00:20Yeah! Oh, no!
00:26Ah!
00:30Yeah!
00:34Nau mai piki mai and welcome
00:36to Taskmaster.
00:38My name is Jeremy Wells and if you're watching
00:40this on demand, please
00:42feel free to skip ahead six seconds
00:44to when this introduction is over
00:46and we finally get to the good bit
00:48when I tell you that I am
00:50the Taskmaster.
00:54With me on stage tonight are
00:56five winners of life
00:58and losers of tasks
01:00please put your hands together
01:02for Alice Sneddon,
01:04Brie Thomasell,
01:06Jack Ansett,
01:08Jackie Van Beek
01:10and
01:12Pax Asadi.
01:14And
01:16next to me, as always,
01:18because every principal first violinist
01:20needs someone by their side playing
01:22second fiddle.
01:24It's the one, the only,
01:26Paul Williams!
01:28I am ready for a prize task,
01:30I am ready for a prize task, Paul.
01:32What have we asked the contestants
01:34to do tonight?
01:36This week, we've asked our contestants
01:38to bring in the two best things
01:40that rhyme.
01:44I think we should start with Jack.
01:46Um, musicians, they rhyme.
01:48Would we all agree?
01:50Yes, yes. So, I DM'd
01:52a whole lot of them
01:54and I guess just through my high profile
01:56I managed to get
01:58Susie Kato!
02:04Yes, and famous
02:06New Zealand rapper
02:08Young Sizzle.
02:10Um...
02:12Young Sizzle looks a lot
02:14like young Jack Ansett.
02:16Oh yeah, we hear that all the time.
02:18So they make rhymes.
02:20Yeah.
02:21Oh, but their names don't rhyme.
02:22No, they don't, but they rhyme.
02:24If you've made that one up,
02:26why not go to the effort of giving them
02:28a name that rhymes with Susie Kato?
02:32It feels like I'm really gonna say
02:34see you, see you later to five points here.
02:36But...
02:37Jackie, what did you bring in?
02:38Two things that rhyme.
02:40A nail and some male.
02:42Hmm.
02:43Now, the nail is self-explanatory
02:45and the male, a little bit of a back story.
02:48So, I have a wonderful marriage.
02:51Um...
02:53And my husband and I communicate
02:54very well about all of the big things.
02:56With the small things, not so great.
02:58End of last year, we get a parking ticket,
03:00didn't really sit down and talk about it.
03:02Neither of us paid the fine.
03:04Then, I come home,
03:05there's a letter from Bay Corp
03:06on the table opened.
03:08Threatening court action,
03:09if I don't pay it.
03:10So, yet again,
03:11Jessie and I don't communicate about that.
03:14Um, but we both pay it.
03:17And then, we got sent this letter.
03:19I've never seen a form from Bay Corp
03:21saying, please stop paying.
03:24And I am willing to give this
03:26to the person who wins this F.
03:28And if you can be bothered filling out the form,
03:30you get the refund.
03:31Wow.
03:32Great.
03:33That's good.
03:34Yeah, that's good.
03:35So generous.
03:36Okay.
03:37Pax, what did you bring in?
03:38We all agree that immigration is a good thing.
03:40Absolutely.
03:41Yeah.
03:42Paul was saying something.
03:43Yeah, I know Paul's beliefs.
03:45I know Paul's beliefs.
03:46But I believe that without immigration,
03:48you guys would mostly just be eating mashed potatoes.
03:51Shepherd's pie.
03:52Yeah.
03:53Like, we hate white people food.
03:55You hate mashed potatoes?
03:56We pretend to like it for employment reasons.
03:59Anyway, so what I've brought is two things
04:02that my people have brought to New Zealand
04:04that have enhanced the culinary experience.
04:06And that is rice and spice.
04:11They're wrong.
04:13They're wrong.
04:15Saffron.
04:16Honourly with you, I do not know what saffron is.
04:19And you know what, Jack?
04:21That checks out.
04:24Alice, what did you bring in?
04:25Yes.
04:26Well, Jeremy, I think you'd agree
04:28one of the things we share in common is a love
04:30for 90s sitcom star Christina Applegate.
04:35Yeah, there she is.
04:36Truly the best at what she does.
04:38I mean, could you name a better actor in her field?
04:42There you go.
04:43That's exactly my point.
04:45And you know, I thought,
04:46what could possibly rhyme with her
04:49that would live up to the standard that she sets?
04:51And then it hit me.
04:53Christina Applegate and the Sistina Chapel, mate.
04:58Oh, yeah.
05:00So, are you saying that that's the Sistina Chapel?
05:03Like the...
05:04No, I'm saying Sistine Chapel,
05:06but I'm doing the respectful thing
05:07and doing a bit of an Italian accent.
05:10Oh, wow.
05:11Sorry, Brie. Apologies.
05:12I'm okay with it.
05:13Okay, great.
05:14Sistine Chapel!
05:15I think go harder.
05:16Yeah, go harder.
05:17Yeah, go harder.
05:18Yeah.
05:19Brie, what did you bring in?
05:20This is easy for me
05:21because my two favourite things in the whole world
05:23actually rhyme,
05:24which is art
05:26and, of course,
05:27fart.
05:28Oh.
05:30Oh.
05:31Hold on, that's just a jar.
05:32Now, hold on, hold on.
05:33You might think that
05:35this is just a fart in a jar.
05:38And on one hand, you'd be correct.
05:40But it needs more context as to why it is art.
05:51Oh, my God.
05:56Incredible.
05:57That's amazing.
05:58It's an art fart.
06:00Wow.
06:01Yeah.
06:02No, that's five points right there.
06:04Yes!
06:08Pax, four points for you.
06:10Yes!
06:11Anything that nourishes billions is worth four points.
06:13I agree.
06:14Susie Cato and Young Sizzle,
06:17I'll give you three points for that, Jack.
06:19Wow.
06:20Nice, Jack.
06:21Nail and nail.
06:22Jackie, it rhymes,
06:23so I'll give you two points.
06:25And then one point for Alice
06:26because it didn't even rhyme.
06:27Oh, wow.
06:28So at the start of episode five,
06:30Brie is running away with it in first place
06:33and Alice is leaving it where it is
06:35and having a lie down.
06:37Right.
06:38Let's get to the first proper task of the episode, Paul.
06:42It's one that will separate the poses from the athletes.
06:54What are you doing?
06:55You could have done this before I came through the sheet.
07:01There's nothing on it.
07:03What are you doing there?
07:05It helps.
07:06That's what you do, isn't it?
07:07Oh, okay.
07:09Take the most...
07:12Mind-blowing photo...
07:13On the camera on the tripod.
07:15Most mind-blowing photo wins.
07:18The camera will take one photo exactly...
07:24Five minutes after Paul says the phrase...
07:27Great day for it.
07:29I can't read the next bit.
07:31Maybe we could just read it from the task in your pocket.
07:33No.
07:34Should I just give you this one?
07:36Oh, that's nice.
07:37Your time starts during the next task.
07:41Oh, wow.
07:42So I don't do it now.
07:43I do it during the next task.
07:44I have to take the most mind-blowing photo.
07:45Mm-hmm.
07:48Okay.
07:49See you soon.
07:50See you soon.
07:55Hello Jack.
07:56Hello Alice.
07:57Welcome.
07:58You don't need to welcome me.
07:59Well, I just did.
08:00You're welcome.
08:01No, no, you're welcome.
08:02You're welcome.
08:03You're welcome, man.
08:04Welcome.
08:06You welcome.
08:13Kick the ball into the caravan.
08:15Fewest kicks wins.
08:17You may attempt this as many times as you want.
08:21However, if you start again, all prior attempts are wiped.
08:25You must start from the spot in the study.
08:28You have 20 minutes.
08:29Your time starts now.
08:34So in terms of the task, Paul.
08:36Yes.
08:37There's two parts to it.
08:38There is.
08:39Kick a ball into the caravan, as few kicks as possible.
08:42And then during that task, at some point, I'll say the phrase, great day for it.
08:46And then they have five minutes to get to the lab and take the most mind blowing photo.
08:49Okay.
08:50Excellent.
08:51Right.
08:52Whose minimum kicks and maximum looks are we going to see first?
08:55By the way, Paul.
08:56Mm-hmm.
08:57You're welcome.
08:58All Jokes Asadi is one of my favorite comedians.
09:03Please welcome Pax Asadi.
09:05Yeah.
09:07Get in.
09:08Get in.
09:10That's one kick.
09:11Yes.
09:12That's five.
09:13That's six.
09:14You've got 14 minutes.
09:15Okay.
09:16That turned the wrong way at the end.
09:17That's seven.
09:18Get over.
09:19Glenfield Rovers.
09:20Under 12's top goal scorer.
09:21It went in.
09:22That was good, eh?
09:23Yeah.
09:24It went in.
09:25That was good, eh?
09:26Yeah.
09:27Yeah.
09:28Yeah.
09:29Thanks, Paul.
09:30Wait, you don't want to try any more?
09:32Do another one and wipe that one.
09:33No way.
09:34That was-
09:35It's a great day for it.
09:36That's the phrase.
09:37What is-
09:38It went in. That was good, eh?
09:40Yeah.
09:42Thanks, Paul.
09:42Wait, you don't want to try any more?
09:45Do another one and wipe that one.
09:46No way.
09:47It's a great day for it.
09:53That's the phrase.
09:54What is?
09:55Either it's a great day for it or let's go fishing.
09:58And I feel like you haven't said let's go fishing,
10:00so it must be that it's a great day for it.
10:01Let's go fishing.
10:03What?
10:03I'm super keen for fishing.
10:05Paul, get in here.
10:06I can't remember how much time I had.
10:08I'm not sure either. Sorry.
10:10Let's just practice.
10:11Three, two, one.
10:14That's good.
10:16Okay, now what do we do?
10:17Well, I don't know when it's going to go off, so...
10:19Do we have to constantly jump?
10:22I guess so.
10:23I also don't know if the phrase is let's go fishing
10:26or it's a good day for it because you said both.
10:32Was that it?
10:34Yeah.
10:36Okay, so what was going to be mind-blowing
10:43about two guys on a mop?
10:48Nothing.
10:50I'm quite happy with my kicks, though.
10:51Yeah.
10:52Glenfield Rovers, under 12?
10:53Under 12's top goal scorer.
10:54Yeah, I can see why.
10:55What sport was Glenfield Rovers?
10:58Soccer.
10:59Oh.
11:02Burn.
11:03What does that mean?
11:04I've said all I need to say.
11:08All right, get ready.
11:09We're going to take a photo of you
11:10as soon as the ad break is up,
11:13so you better be back here by then
11:15and you better be looking your best.
11:17Your time starts now.
11:20APPLAUSE
11:20Welcome back to Taskmaster.
11:35Right, what were we doing, Paul?
11:36Our contestants were trying to complete
11:38two tasks at once.
11:41They had to get the ball in the caravan
11:42with as few kicks as possible
11:44and five minutes after I said the phrase
11:45great day for it,
11:47they had to pose for the most
11:48mind-blowing photo in the lab.
11:50Right, whose kicks and snaps
11:52are we going to see next, Paul?
11:54It's ladies' night.
11:56Go off, queens.
11:58It's time for my gals,
11:59Alice, Bree and Jackie.
12:01Shall we start?
12:03Would you consider this a kick?
12:10Is that a kick?
12:12Didn't think so.
12:15OK, I'm going to start again.
12:19Shit.
12:24Because my foot's not...
12:26Oh, shit.
12:28What?
12:28No, that's gone badly.
12:35OK.
12:36Great day for it.
12:37Oh, come on.
12:39Great day for it.
12:43It's a great day for it.
12:44It really is.
12:45OK.
12:49That's four.
12:50So what are you doing,
12:51setting a timer?
12:52Yeah.
12:54That's five.
12:55I'm going again.
12:56Don't look at me like that.
13:04You've got 14 minutes, 45.
13:06Far out.
13:07Time management.
13:14Oh, pretty good, Paul.
13:16OK, let's go.
13:17Photo time, Paul.
13:19Three.
13:21Let's go take a photo.
13:24Are you sure?
13:25Positive.
13:25Oh, shit.
13:29Will we know if the photo's been taken?
13:31It'll be flash.
13:31Oh!
13:37Oh, no.
13:38I don't think this is possible.
13:40Ah!
13:49That's going to be one hell of a photo.
13:50OK, quick, Paul.
13:51Back up here.
13:52OK.
13:54Not bad.
13:54Rugby plays.
13:58Do it.
13:59Oh, man.
14:05This might be my greatest moment on Taskmaster yet.
14:11Count me down from 10.
14:14You want to wait till there's 10 seconds left?
14:15Yep.
14:16So you're trying to give yourself more pressure.
14:18Yeah.
14:18Eight.
14:19Seven.
14:20Six.
14:21Eight.
14:21Seven.
14:22Six.
14:23Six.
14:27Tacky with that.
14:33Brie, you went for the down on your knees blowing technique.
14:37you wanted a mind-blowing photo i gave you the opposite in the other task
14:43jackie in terms of kicking the ball yeah can you define what a kick is so what i was attempting to
14:50do there was i wedged it in between my two ankles kept the contact going so i'd started the kick but
14:56i hadn't finished the kick so it was still kick one that's one kick yeah no we get the idea
15:04but i was really excited about my photo i'm feeling pretty good about my photo now
15:09before we get to the photos how about kicks so pax was nine kicks alice her final attempt
15:17five kicks wow wow brie five kicks jackie there was some hopping a little but seven kicks yeah i
15:28really thought my nine kicks was good it is good packs just not as good as five yeah or seven
15:33i'll tell you what the good news is that there's still one person to go and he is unbelievably
15:38uncoordinated ready and set and go okay first kick i'm gonna hit it over there
15:49i'm just gonna do what we call on the business a trick shot
15:54okay don't count that paul i'm counting every kick
16:00whoa okay and we go down pick the ball into the caravan they say yes simple task great day for it
16:10oh shit sorry paul
16:15it's 20. do you reckon i should try that again
16:22probably i'm gonna try it again okay through the kitchen
16:26through the kitchen
16:29through the kitchen
16:31through the kitchen
16:39okay then have you got that
16:42no
16:44through the kitchen
16:46yes yes
16:49two
16:51that's three
16:53yes yes yes three
16:55four
16:56that was the most successful moment in the history of this show
17:19Thanks, Paul. Thank you, Jack.
17:28I don't even care.
17:30Great work from you, Jack. Great kick.
17:32Yeah. But you obviously missed the second part of that task.
17:36Are you happy with that? It was an abstract shot.
17:40I don't know if you know much about the photography field, Jeremy,
17:43but sometimes silence speaks volumes. Yeah.
17:47So in terms of the kicks... Jack, four kicks.
17:51Wow. Yeah, that's good.
17:53He restarted 22 times.
17:56Okay, so one point for Pax, two points for Jackie,
17:59three points for Bree and Alice, and then five points for Jack.
18:03I think that's fair.
18:06Okay, should we take a look at these mind-blowing photos and judge them?
18:10Yes. Wow.
18:13I look like I'm birthing Paul.
18:16And that's pretty mind-blowing.
18:18Jackie, what have you got on underneath that jacket?
18:20Nothing.
18:21Good. Okay.
18:22It's pretty clear to me. Obviously, Jack is one.
18:25Okay.
18:26Alice is two.
18:28You and Pax on the mop, three.
18:31Okay.
18:32Bree birthing you, four.
18:34Yes.
18:35And Jackie with no clothes on, with an overcoat, five.
18:38Okay.
18:39Thank you very much.
18:40Thank you very much.
18:41Thank you very much.
18:42Okay, so how has that affected the overall scores then?
18:44Leading episode five with 12 points, Bree Thomas-L.
18:50Early days, early days.
18:52Let's keep it moving, shall we?
18:54What have you got next for me?
18:56Hear my voice, I entreat.
18:58It's time for another task.
19:00Oh, Paul.
19:01Paul Williams.
19:02Hello, Paul.
19:03Ooh, patriotic.
19:04Mm-hmm.
19:05Boom.
19:06Improve our national anthem.
19:07Biggest improvement wins.
19:08You have 40 minutes.
19:09Your time starts now.
19:10Oh, boy.
19:11How does it go?
19:12God of nations at thy feet in the bonds of?
19:34Maybe we bleep every word or reference to thing that I'm not comfortable with.
19:40For instance, a thing that I'm not comfortable with.
19:43God?
19:44Beep.
19:44From the shaft?
19:46What shaft are we talking about?
19:48Shafts, absolutely not.
19:49The national anthem, when does it play?
19:52Before epic sporting moments.
19:55Do you remember an epic sporting moment from any of my tasks recently?
20:01I think we need to scrap the English.
20:03Do you speak any other languages?
20:05I speak Farsi, which is the language of Iran.
20:08I think New Zealand would be on board with that.
20:10I feel like we go for like a pitbull type of vibe.
20:13Because nothing gets me more hyped than Mr Worldwide.
20:16Agreed.
20:17Kulo!
20:23You don't look particularly excited about watching this task, Brie.
20:26This is the one task that I hope would be cut from the show.
20:30Brie has said that to us in the Green River Times.
20:32She says it every morning.
20:34I've lived here for eight years and I've done a lot of stuff that I thought would get me deported,
20:39but I'm pretty positive that this will be it.
20:43I've also done a lot of stuff that could get me deported, but I was born here,
20:46so you can't do anything about it, suckers!
20:49Whose anthem are we going to hear first, Paul?
20:51It's Alice Sneddon.
20:55The New Zealand national anthem.
20:57It's just not good enough.
20:59I have reconstructed it, both to give it a sicker beat and to get rid of any language I deemed offensive.
21:08I should have done a movie.
21:15A f*** at thy feet
21:19In the bombs of love we meet
21:23E-V-A-T!
21:24Hear our voices
21:26We ask of you
21:28Our free land
21:34Pacific's triple star
21:38From the
21:40Of
21:41And
21:42Make
21:44Her
21:46The
21:47Far
21:49New
21:51Z
21:52E
21:53Land
21:54Firstly, let me congratulate you for adding that sick beat.
22:05Could we go through some of the words that you took issue with and cut out?
22:10Yeah.
22:11Firstly, the word nations, which is quite important, I guess, if it's a national anthem.
22:16Well, I just think, you know, what's nationalism ever done for us?
22:21What about the word guard?
22:24Guard was gone?
22:25Um
22:28Um, cause I think, why be guarded?
22:31Vulnerability is the most powerful thing that you could ever have.
22:35I hear you know?
22:36Like guarded from the truth.
22:37And then you replaced the word meat with meat.
22:40Yeah, that's just a personal preference.
22:42I'm ready for another anthem, Paul.
22:46Draped in a flag with the Union Jack, it's Union Jack Ansett.
22:53God of nations at thy feet
22:59In the bonds of love we meet
23:05Hear our voices
23:08We entreat
23:10God defend our free land
23:16God, Pacific's triple star
23:22From the shoves of strife and war
23:28Make our praises
23:30Come on, come on, come on
23:31Make our praises
23:32Heard or fall
23:35God defend New Zealand
23:43Oh!
23:48Woo!
23:49Thank you!
23:53I think I along with a lot of people at home will be asking the question there Jack, in what way is that an improvement?
24:04My amazing kick was included
24:07What's happening at any sporting event you're turning up to, say the All Blacks are playing
24:11Yeah
24:12You sing the anthem and then on the big screens they play you kicking a ball in Taskmaster
24:15Yes!
24:16Into a caravan
24:17Jack, Jack, be honest
24:18Is it just because you wanted us to see your awesome kick again?
24:21Because it was an awesome kick
24:22I just think you guys are all ganging up on the young guy because I'm an easy target
24:26And that is a reflection on you as comedians
24:28You get the low hanging fruit
24:30Only you could make being a straight white man in comedy
24:35The low hanging fruit
24:40I'm just not listening, you guys carry on, I'm just going to play on my phone
24:42You can carry on
24:43We've got three more national anthems to go
24:46But first, let's enjoy the global anthem of ads
24:50It's time for more of them
24:51I'll see you in a moment
25:04Tēnā kātou kātou
25:06Welcome back to Taskmaster
25:08The five comedians are working as hard as they can to win Susie Kato and Art Green's fart
25:15What were we doing before the break, Paul?
25:17Our comedians were attempting to improve the national anthem
25:20So far we've seen Alice Sneddon censor half the words
25:23And Jack Ansett turn the celebration of our nation into the celebration of himself
25:28Excellent stuff
25:29And as always, please address all of your complaints to those comedians directly
25:34Thanks very much
25:35Who's up next, Paul?
25:36Up next with some light treason
25:38It's Pax Asati
25:40Are you ready?
25:41Yeah
25:42Are you proud of what we've created?
25:43I'm not sure what you've created
25:45Well, I'm going to be honest with you
25:46I've gone in like a slightly different direction
25:48Okay
25:49But still, I think middle New Zealand and the South Island are going to love it
25:53And you wholeheartedly endorse everything I'm about to sing, yeah?
25:56I don't know what you're about to sing
25:58But just yes or no?
26:00Yes
26:01Okay
26:02Unravel the flag
26:04Music!
26:06Well, it's easy to know
26:08I'm going to see, it's better
26:09But I hadn't seen you
26:10I'm going to see
26:11Okay
26:12I'm going to see
26:13Yeah
26:14No
26:15I don't like to explain
26:16I don't like to explain
26:17No
26:18There's no information
26:19It's not
26:20No
26:21I don't like to explain
26:22No
26:23It's no matter
26:24No
26:25No
26:26I don't want you to accept me
26:31You have to go to the end of your life
26:38It's the best of everyone
26:42It's the best of everyone
26:46It's the best of Assad
26:49It's the best of Assad
26:56Kia kaha New Zealand
27:01So Pax, did you improve the national anthem
27:04or did you write an anthem for a new quasi-Iranian military dictatorship?
27:10Yeah, it's a national anthem for a new state
27:14that is located in Newland
27:17where I live
27:19The beret was an interesting move
27:21It felt quite Gaddafi-esque
27:24It suited you way too much
27:26Yeah, yeah
27:27And, you know, I miss Gaddafi
27:30Oh, sorry, I miss Gaddafi
27:33Holy shit
27:37I think I'm ready for another anthem, Paul
27:39Wobbledy-dabbedy-freeish is Jackie Van Beek
27:43Hello, you may not recognise me
27:45but my name is Jackie Van Beek
27:47I'm just wearing a wig
27:48We are going to sing the national anthem for you
27:51but this version will be entirely in gibberish
27:54a language that everybody loves and knows
27:57Okay? Hit it, Paul
27:58Give me my starting note
27:59You may be a road worker
28:20Is that German?
28:21No, German-ish
28:22Ciao
28:23Ciao
28:24Ciao
28:25Ciao
28:26Or should I say Auf Wiedersehen?
28:27Beautiful
28:28Thank you
28:29Beautiful
28:30Thank you
28:32Thank you
28:33I'm sure you won't mind me asking Jackie
28:55What the hell was that?
28:59What the hell was that?
29:01I've tried to make our national anthem more accessible.
29:04Something that everybody can sing, you can improvise it, you don't need to learn the words.
29:08Jackie, I don't know if you've been to like a school assembly in the South Island,
29:11but that's how they sing the national anthem already.
29:15Okay, you've got one more national anthem for me, Paul.
29:18She's here to answer the question we've all been asking for years.
29:22What if instead of being written by the Irish poet Thomas Bracken in 1876,
29:27our national anthem was written by the Cuban-American rapper Pitbull.
29:31Finally, we'll know for sure, here she is, Brie Tomasel.
29:40We're going down under for this one!
29:42What a hug, who is it?
29:46We love ya!
29:48Mrs.0610 in the house!
29:52And that's Paul Coolo!
29:58Coolo!
29:59Team of legends, Cody's neat!
30:01Hear our voices, we intrigue!
30:03Beyonce defend our free land!
30:06Guard our pies and local tans!
30:08From those wallabies and English clans!
30:10Beyonce defend New Zealand!
30:16Go Paul, let's see you shibby!
30:20New Zealand!
30:21We out!
30:27We out!
30:29Stay golden, pony boy!
30:34That was impressive work!
30:36I mean, I never would have thought of rhyming tans with New Zealand.
30:40I'm a lyricist.
30:41Why was Beyonce defending New Zealand?
30:44That's the only question I have to ask.
30:46Look, I had a full blown panic attack writing the lyrics and it was the only person I could think of.
30:52Replacing God, I believe.
30:54Oh, okay.
30:55Yeah.
30:56So, for me, it's who did the least damage to the national anthem, not who improved it.
31:02I don't think anyone improved it.
31:03Okay, I'll be honest.
31:04Not only did I did audible audio damage, but I also probably did a lot of political damage.
31:08So, um, that's an issue.
31:10I'm pleased you say that and that's why I'm going to give you one point.
31:13Jackie, I'll give you two points. Jack, three points for you.
31:17Okay.
31:18I think every sporting triumph that we've ever had was humiliated by what you did, but still, that's fine.
31:24Four points for you, Alice, because it wasn't as crap as the other ones.
31:30And then, believe it or not, Bree, you're going to get five for Vibe.
31:34Wow!
31:35We need to take a quick break so that we can formally write to the New Zealand Government and apologise for what we've just done.
31:44We'll see you after this.
31:45Thank you very much.
31:48Kukumai, welcome back to Taskmaster, the only show brave enough to admit that writing the New Zealand national anthem is harder than it looks.
32:05I think it's best that we move on to another task, Paul.
32:08Jeremy, this task involves clowns, but enough about the contestants.
32:13Here it is.
32:25Hi, Paul.
32:26Hello, Jack.
32:27How are we?
32:28Not good.
32:29Oh.
32:30Aha.
32:32Jackie.
32:35Oh, you found your siblings.
32:38It's not nice.
32:39I was just going to go and check out the gold rush.
32:42Time for a task.
32:48Alrighty.
32:49Get a ball into a clown's mouth.
32:52That's disgusting.
32:53If attempting from the closest spot...
32:56You may use the spoon.
32:57If attempting from the furthest spot, the clowns will not be moving.
33:01If successful from the furthest spot, your time will be halved.
33:05You may not move the spots.
33:08Both feet must be on your spot.
33:10Your time starts now.
33:11Okay.
33:12Can I do one and then decide to do another one?
33:14You can switch.
33:15Sweet.
33:17So this doesn't seem too difficult, this task?
33:19No.
33:20Really straightforward.
33:21Get one ball in the clown's mouth.
33:23Okay.
33:24Who's feeding the clown's mouth first, Paul?
33:26They're the only parents this season, so hopefully they've had some experience feeding a human being.
33:31It's Jackie and Pax.
33:34Quick question.
33:35If I throw you the ball, you could pop it in for me?
33:37You could try.
33:38Here we go.
33:39So just pop...
33:40Okay, that's not very cooperative.
33:44It's a confidence game.
33:47Maybe it'd be better if I closed my eyes.
33:50Oh!
33:51Get in the mouth!
33:52It's a weird thing to yell.
33:54Paul, could you just put the scurry around and collect the balls for me, please?
33:56Can I change my choice?
33:57You can.
33:58Just a couple more tries.
34:01Okay, I've changed.
34:03Okay.
34:04I think I'm gonna change tack.
34:05So can I have the clowns moving and not use the spoon?
34:08You may use the spoon, but you don't have to.
34:11Okay, well now that you say that, I want to use the spoon.
34:17Okay, I'm gonna throw.
34:19I'm gonna throw.
34:20All I can hope is that everyone else is unbelievably uncoordinated.
34:25Come on, man.
34:27Okay.
34:33Spoon.
34:34This is going really badly.
34:38Time for scrummy.
34:40This is much harder than it looks.
34:42This is really bad.
34:44Time for scrummy.
34:46Yes!
34:48Stop the clock.
34:49Gah!
34:50I mean, beat that!
34:52Thank you, Jack.
34:53Okay.
34:58Open pass.
35:04I imagine, Pax, that that ball would have been on the ground a couple of times, actually, before you fed it to Paul.
35:09Yeah, that ball went to a lot of strange places before it went to Paul's mouth.
35:12But, um, that task was weirdly difficult.
35:16Yeah.
35:17But the mounting frustration from even just watching that task was incredible.
35:20Yeah.
35:21Yeah, Jackie, you were clearly struggling with the throwing, but then at one stage you thought maybe you'd be better if you closed your eyes.
35:27Often I am.
35:28If I just kind of free my mind, close my eyes and just go for it.
35:32Yeah.
35:33No drive.
35:34It's terrifying.
35:36So in terms of times, Paul, what are we looking at there?
35:39Jackie, 3 minutes 41 seconds.
35:42Happy with that.
35:43Pax, 6 minutes 3 seconds.
35:46Not as good.
35:47It felt longer.
35:50So both went from the closest mat.
35:52Who have we got next, Paul?
35:53Brie and Jack.
35:56I'm just going to try, get a few in.
35:59From my softball days, Paul.
36:04Do I have to have both feet on the mat?
36:06Ah, yes.
36:07Okay.
36:11Don't worry, Paul.
36:12We won't need too much more of those.
36:13You know what I love, Paul?
36:15I love a montage.
36:17Cue montage.
36:18Hoo-yah!
36:22Hoo-yah!
36:24Gah!
36:25No quid, Paul.
36:26When I get this in, I want it played at my funeral.
36:28Can you see to that?
36:30What, kill you?
36:31What?
36:36Do you want to, like, just Google some quotes, like, about success?
36:40There might be a few Dumbledore quotes.
36:42It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.
36:46Wow.
36:47You getting hungry, Paul?
36:48Yeah.
36:49Yeah, I'm pretty hungry too.
36:50Tell you who's very hungry.
36:51Yeah.
36:52This guy.
36:54You guys want me to cave and do the spoon, don't you?
36:56I'm not caving.
36:57I know.
37:06Thanks, mate.
37:07Thank you, Brie.
37:08See ya.
37:09Bye.
37:10Oh my god, they're getting another memory card.
37:11That's how you know you're taking for too long.
37:15Ah!
37:16We're in those quotes, Paul.
37:17Happiness alone.
37:18Ah!
37:22Yeah, I've got a plan.
37:24I'm gonna get some blocks.
37:25And I'm gonna make a funnel.
37:27Okay.
37:34Oh!
37:35Just need to push it in.
37:37Push it in.
37:38Push it in.
37:39Push it in.
37:40With one more.
37:42Come on.
37:43One last push.
37:45I've stopped the clock.
37:47Oh my god.
37:56Wow, Jack.
37:57What was it about this task that made you bring up your death multiple times?
38:01I don't think that footage reflected how painful that was.
38:04I will forever be haunted by hearing you say, push it in, push it in, come on, just one more push.
38:11Brie, you look like a clown had done something to you at some stage.
38:14Like, the idea of biffing them that hard, did you think that was gonna help them go in?
38:18Honestly, I could not wipe my ass for three days.
38:23My arm and shoulder was so sore from, like, throwing so many balls.
38:28And then, I'm not joking, got it in first, go with the spoon.
38:32Who would have known?
38:33Oh, okay.
38:35So Brie took 29 minutes and 36 seconds, which was 186 attempts.
38:41Jack, 55 minutes and 8 seconds.
38:43Oh, not bad.
38:44Yes, which was 639 attempts.
38:46But, he did get it from the furthest spot, which means it's half to 27 minutes and 34 seconds.
38:55I mean, I've gotta say, the funnel was quite a feat of ad hoc engineering.
39:00Thank you, thanks for the compliment.
39:01Well, I would actually like to say a couple more things.
39:03Oh, you will, okay.
39:04The task did say both your feet had to be on the spot.
39:08Oh, for God's sake.
39:11Roll tape.
39:13I wouldn't say that's in the mouth.
39:16It's in the mouth.
39:18It's in the mouth.
39:19It's in the mouth.
39:20It's in the mouth.
39:21It's in the mouth.
39:24That's definitely disqualified.
39:26Oh!
39:28If it's any consolation, lovely calves.
39:32They look great, yeah.
39:33Lovely calves.
39:34They looked great.
39:35It's break time now, but we'll be back soon with more from the mouthy clowns, and also the rest of the task.
39:40We'll see you shortly.
39:41Welcome back to Taskmaster, where comedians are trying to force food into the mouths of clowns in what I'm sure for one young viewer at home is a formative moment and the beginning of a lifelong fear.
39:52Who's the contestant heading to clown town next, Paul?
39:53It's Alice Snather.
39:54Your time starts now.
39:55Okay.
39:56Can I change my mind?
39:57Yeah.
39:58Oh, Steve, you're on the mat.
39:59Yeah.
40:00Oh, Steve, you want me to map?
40:01Yeah.
40:02Yeah.
40:03and the beginning of a lifelong fear.
40:06Who's the contestant heading to Clown Town next, Paul?
40:09It's Alice Sneddon.
40:10Your time starts now.
40:11Okay.
40:16Can I change my mind?
40:17Yeah.
40:26Oh, Steve, you're on the mat.
40:28Yeah.
40:29Do you think that'll be a good time?
40:31No.
40:32What would you consider a bad time?
40:34Anything above 10, 15 seconds.
40:37Okay.
40:38Thank you, Alice.
40:46I mean, so easy.
40:47That's how you do it.
40:49But you had to use the spoon!
40:51No.
40:51No.
40:52Okay.
40:54I think it said you may use the spoon.
40:56Every time I succeed on this show,
40:58Jack loses years of his life.
41:02If it was a soccer ball, I would have just...
41:04So, Jack disqualified.
41:08Brie, 29 minutes 36.
41:10Pax, 6 minutes 03.
41:12Jackie, 3 minutes 41.
41:14Alice, 2 minutes 28.
41:16So that's zero points for Jack,
41:18two points for Brie,
41:19three points for Pax,
41:20four points for Jackie,
41:21and five points for Alice Sneddon.
41:23Woo!
41:24Good show!
41:25Good show!
41:26Okay.
41:27How are the episode scores going, Paul?
41:30In first with a four-point lead over second,
41:32it's Brie Thomassell.
41:37Okay, you guys, head up onto the stage
41:39for the final task of the show.
41:41Okay, Paul, who's reading the task tonight?
41:50Pax Asadi.
41:51Count the popcorn popped.
41:52Closest to the correct amount wins.
41:54Simultaneously, the taskmaster will conduct a pop quiz.
41:58You must pop a balloon of your assigned colour
42:00to submit an answer.
42:02Each correct answer will offset your popcorn count five pops
42:05closer to the correct amount.
42:07Each wrong answer will take your answer five pops
42:10further away from the correct amount.
42:13Okay.
42:15Are you ready?
42:16Yes.
42:18In what ocean is the Bermuda Triangle located?
42:22Pax.
42:23The Atlantic Ocean.
42:24Correct.
42:25What is the name of the main character in the movie Home Alone?
42:30Brie.
42:31Kevin.
42:31Kevin.
42:32McAllister.
42:33Correct.
42:33The Grand Canyon lies in which American star?
42:38Yes.
42:38Arizona.
42:39Correct.
42:40Which band is made up of members with the names Larry, Adam,
42:45The Edge, and Bono?
42:46Oh!
42:48Maroon 5!
42:49No.
42:50How many states are there in the United Arab Emirates?
42:55Alice.
42:5612.
42:57No.
42:57Have there been less or more than 1,628 All Blacks?
43:05Jack.
43:05Less.
43:06Correct.
43:07What colours are on the flag of the Ivory Coast?
43:12Pax.
43:12I'm dizzy.
43:15Orange,
43:17white,
43:18and green.
43:19Orange, white, and green.
43:20Correct.
43:23Oh, that was horrific.
43:26Landed it.
43:26Oh!
43:27Wow.
43:28On your spots, please.
43:29Write your answer, please.
43:35Okay.
43:35Alice.
43:36236 pops.
43:38Brie.
43:39I just went with 301.
43:41Whoa.
43:42Jack.
43:4376.
43:46Jackie.
43:47Closer to what I had, I had 107.
43:50Mmm.
43:51I went with 200.
43:52Okay, we've got all those.
43:53Mm-hmm.
43:54Come on down and we'll score it.
43:55So, the correct number of popcorn.
44:02Mm-hmm.
44:03371.
44:04Oh.
44:05So, after the quiz adjustments, Alice, 231.
44:10Jack, 81.
44:12Pax, 210.
44:14Jackie, 107.
44:15And Brie, 306.
44:21That means one point for Jack, two points for Jackie, three points for Pax, four points for Alice, and five points for Brie.
44:27Wow.
44:28Wow.
44:29Wow.
44:30Honestly.
44:31So, let's talk about the episode scores then, Paul.
44:34The winner of episode five is Brie Thomas L.
44:37Woo!
44:38Congratulations, Brie.
44:40Please go and enjoy your rhyming item.
44:43Get out of there, Jack.
44:45Oh, so sorry.
44:46Oh, that's a bad start.
44:52We can do better.
44:53Ding dong.
44:54Did anyone order a task?
44:55Oh, f***.
44:56Blimey.
44:57Who's it?
44:58I'm getting a vibe that you might be a cricket fanatic and not so much a kind of duck archery fanatic.
45:02I'm getting a vibe that you might be a cricket fanatic and not so much a kind of duck archery fanatic.
Comments