- 5 months ago
Just when we thought it might be over, Tammie calls up Jordie again to air her grievances once again. This one had Amberlynn reacting by explaining why Tammie doesn't talk to one of her daughters, and it's bad.
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LifestyleTranscript
00:00:00hello hello hey nice to hear nice to hear from you again you too
00:00:11so to answer your question about the phone it is true i turned off my mom's phone
00:00:24um the reason why i did it is because i just got my mom a new phone um got it all hooked up for her
00:00:32because she was constantly having problems with you know her like real cheap phone that she had
00:00:37and i was trying to bring her up to speed kind of thing and then she was just going to pay me
00:00:42monthly for the service and insurance on it and that didn't even last a month so it was uh started
00:00:49on the 14th of last month and so when everything happened um you know i'm a hundred percent positive
00:00:57uh that this is the right decision for me and so when i you know the disowned statement it is true
00:01:04for me on my side a hundred percent i never want to talk to any of them again but i will continue
00:01:10talking about them until i feel i've talked enough because it has been kind of therapeutic in a weird
00:01:16kind of way and i have gotten a lot of support and different perspectives and i can't express how
00:01:23um overwhelming it gets at times to hear people understand and can put themselves in my place
00:01:32because i haven't had that in a long time um so you know there's sometimes that i watch some
00:01:39reactions and when they're like they're just getting it they're absolutely getting it you guys make so
00:01:45many comments that i'm just like oh well not only am i being heard but i'm being understood so um i
00:01:52don't know when this will all end for me but i know it's not anytime real soon especially since her
00:01:57mouth keeps wanting to talk and and talk the crap that she talks so back to the uh phone thing uh that's
00:02:03why i chose to do that when my mother's first action after this all began was to say i want my will
00:02:12back i knew what she was trying to do and that was just another manipulation and i didn't fall for it
00:02:18gave it back to her immediately uh so then i just sent her a text and said you know just a heads up
00:02:24i'm gonna need my phone back at first i did say i would give her to the third of the month
00:02:30because that was the day that she had paid me for the phone even though she had gotten the service
00:02:36the 14th the month before um and so i was gonna give her till the third to get another phone and
00:02:43you know get it all together and stuff and then i guess the human part in me kicked in a little bit
00:02:49the hurt part uh the petty part we all have a little bit of that in us at times and i think that peaked
00:02:55it's head um because i can't get over the fact that my mother wanted my sister to find out after
00:03:05she was dead what she had done behind her back and the fact that even after my sister and amber found
00:03:13out this information the fact that they still are like kind of doing what they're doing and like oh
00:03:19that's okay that she did that because their whole goal is the house oh yeah you're they're probably
00:03:27very happy with your decision yeah yeah and and again i i i never wanted it i never wanted it i
00:03:34mean who would turn around you know some money to put down you know i would and that's another thing
00:03:39when it was a life insurance kind of thing i told them whatever i got from it i would just make a lump sum
00:03:45down on my on my house that i'm paying so i really just was never ever concerned about the details
00:03:50apparently they were a lot more than i even you know could imagine at that time but that is why i
00:03:57made the abrupt decision the very next day i ended up suspending my mom's phone line and the petty part of
00:04:05that was um i could put myself in my sister's place ever since this happened
00:04:14uh when it got changed how that would feel right after losing our mother to have to deal with that
00:04:22blow and the fact that my mom wanted my sister to even feel any level of that made the petty part come
00:04:31out for me so i wanted my mom to feel what i think would be like one one hundredth of that feeling
00:04:38when she went to use her phone and realized i had taken it away from her i think that that's fair
00:04:44and i mean you're under no obligation to facilitate that for her i mean yeah she's yeah i mean but i'm
00:04:54gonna try not to talk too much about my mom just as the respect of that she is my mom she is who brought
00:05:00me in this world but at the end of the day um she definitely has that mentality that uh titles are just
00:05:09given you know like you should just respect her because she's your mom and my grandkids should
00:05:15respect her because he's the grandma well i've always said you have to earn that you know it does
00:05:20get given to you right out the gate you kind of have to keep earning it to keep those titles you know
00:05:25so it gets a little messy along the way i do think that it's shitty that amber lynn brought this
00:05:32information out for everyone to hear trying to make you look like the bad guy yeah yeah and and she'll
00:05:39continue but when i say i have no skeletons in my closet nothing that i haven't said or would be
00:05:48willing to share um i'm no fear whatsoever when she says square up i say square up times two come on
00:05:57bring it bring your best shot because i got so much and you literally have nothing on me
00:06:02but she's gonna try to make the storyline as if she does but she truly doesn't yeah i and the i and a
00:06:09lot of the people watching all of this we had to laugh when we saw amber lynn say oh i'll talk to her
00:06:15and i'll talk to her real good square up and then when you guys finally had a conversation she sat there
00:06:20in silence and cried yeah that that was that was something to me too i mean i'd be lying if i said
00:06:27i haven't laughed over that a few times i've never had someone tell me to square i'm not i'm not that
00:06:31kind of person by the way i'm not really like that ghetto line kind of person like square up yeah it's
00:06:36just not me but i mean if you outright call me out in front of thousands of people and you think i'm not
00:06:42gonna show up i think she knows the difference now because i'll show up every time especially when it
00:06:48comes to you know you talking about me or my family and i think she's done her fair share of
00:06:53that and you know over the years i've sat back and i've let this pass and i've let that we've talked
00:06:58about it you know and and now it's just i just can't handle it she just don't stop though um oh she
00:07:05this will continue to go on for a very long time oh yeah that's what amber does my husband's mom
00:07:12today and i said what do you think what button do you think amber could push right now to just send
00:07:21me another you know and she said talk about brian my husband because i love that man more than i could
00:07:29have i mean oh god answered my prayers with my husband so uh i am very protective and she knows
00:07:36that i love him more than anything in this world and so that's why the update about uh which i think
00:07:42is so funny too uh the buffet thing yes i've seen her at the buffet people are like well how did she
00:07:49see you at the buffet so amber thinks it's real funny to me because she was there and i get what
00:07:55that insinuates right who am i to say haha she was at a buffet when i was there too the difference is
00:08:00number one i'm not 600 pounds number two the reason why we go to this particular restaurant
00:08:07it is my absolute favorite it has every option that you can think of you know not everyone likes
00:08:15everything but this particular restaurant has literally everything you can think of so no matter
00:08:20if you're on a diet if you're carnivore if you're keto if you're i don't give a fuck it doesn't matter
00:08:26you can be very happy and get your choices so that's why we go there a lot and um so we just
00:08:34happen to be getting off work that day and on some days of work we get paid to eat depending on what
00:08:39the job was that day so we choose there and we just happen to be at the same place at the same time
00:08:44but my answer to that was let's compare plates where i'm on mongolian grill healthy beef and shrimp
00:08:51you know you're in deep fried sections i don't know what to tell you about that let's let's compare
00:08:57plates i like that any day of the week i got so many pictures of the foods i eat you know because
00:09:04i'm just that person i take a lot of pictures of what i eat and there's times that you know i have
00:09:08to calculate it and there's just a lot to it um but yeah i guess that's just kind of more receipts
00:09:14you know i got what i eat when amber was at the chinese buffet does she get up and make her own
00:09:19plate or does she have your sister make it for her and bring it back to the table
00:09:23okay so the very first time i seen amber she was at the buffet getting her own whatever i couldn't
00:09:32tell you what she was getting because actually when i realized it was her i kind of froze for a second
00:09:38because i was i didn't know how to process how i was feeling in that moment um so i don't know what
00:09:43she was getting but she was definitely getting whatever um and then after that i didn't see
00:09:49her go up until she was exiting um the restaurant now going 100 on hearsay but hearsay that i would
00:09:58believe in the situation my mother would tell me that she has my sister go up and get her
00:10:04i'll just say additional plates um because she is embarrassed to have people see her go up multiple
00:10:14times or what she puts on her plate oh and you know this is becoming more and more clear why they
00:10:21don't want me around it was like they could keep me around in the background to do what they wanted me
00:10:27for right to drop off a vape really in their life because i would have said like what are you doing
00:10:33eating that you know like what the heck and that's that's it's becoming more and more clear
00:10:38um she wants people around that she can bulldoze yeah yeah and another thing through all this i've
00:10:48noticed and this may sound and i'll probably get chewed up for this but it's just it's process it's a lot
00:10:54of processing for me right now and when you see things a lot differently some things become more
00:10:59clearer and other things bring up other questions you know so at times i'm like what the heck is in
00:11:06common with these three women in my life uh that would you know add to this equation because i it
00:11:16just seems so it gets very overwhelming in my brain sometimes trying to just understand
00:11:21and it comes down to one word for me and i never thought i would say this but it's jealousy
00:11:28it's misplaced jealousy but it is um my mom is jealous of me i have said it out of her own mouth
00:11:37she has said things like and this is when i was when i constantly showed up for amber when no other
00:11:44person gave a damn gave a damn i watched her videos i text with her i just tried tried tried for years and
00:11:51years as you guys have started to see and will continue to see um she uh see that's it my mind
00:12:02gets so full um my mom would say things like you're already the best daughter the best wife the best
00:12:14mother the best sister you don't have to be the best auntie too was her exact words and i didn't
00:12:23really take it at face value there like she gets jealous over all the things that i do for my family
00:12:28because the difference is is i not only show up i suit up you know what i mean i'm present and i
00:12:36buy a lot of their needs based on love not for show you know my mom will buy one thing one time
00:12:45and be like well remember that time i bought them that dress okay they were eight they're 19 now you
00:12:52know something like that is just crazy stuff so i have a relationship and did even with the other
00:12:59daughter that we don't talk about a lot off and on she's always been my troubled person we always have
00:13:05like a kid that you just have problems with most people do she was mine um but i've always tried
00:13:12with my kids i've always showed up i've never lost my kids i've never abused my kids i tried to spank
00:13:18my child once and that was hilarious that didn't go well so you know it's just like we're very very
00:13:24different i don't know if you guys know but my mom did not raise me or my sister i have no childhood
00:13:32memories with my mom in my home not one i've never had a mom and a dad i called my dad my super mom
00:13:40he got the mother's day gifts you know um many years my mom was troubled and there would be long
00:13:48periods of time where i wouldn't know where she was and i would have to call my uh grandparents
00:13:55they have you heard from them sometimes they had sometimes they hadn't um i moved in with my mom
00:14:00for the first time at 14 um my dad had made some really big mistakes and was leaving california and
00:14:08i didn't want to go with them because i was very very involved in uh cheerleading and speed skating and
00:14:15school stuff and uh so i moved in with my mom for the first time i won't get too deep into that but
00:14:21as i said uh once before i was uh pregnant at 16 married at 16 and i had my first daughter at 16 so
00:14:30that was quite a whirlwind and that was under the care of my mother um so that says enough in
00:14:36itself and then i went to florida uh when my daughter was one month old and that was the end
00:14:42of my mom for 11 years and then uh she came and seen me in florida she stayed a weekend uh when i
00:14:50decided to move away from florida which that's a bigger picture another story uh i came to oklahoma
00:14:56in 98 because my mom wanted to build our relationship after her not being a mom all this
00:15:02time my mom over the years since we've been here has apologized to me a few times i'm like
00:15:08the other ones i don't rub it in her face i don't bash her i don't put her down in fact i say thank you
00:15:18for the apology mom and it's okay you know none of us are perfect we all try our best and you know
00:15:24we're here now so let's just enjoy life now that's the kind of mentality i had i've never played
00:15:30victim like amber does because of her childhood there was a lot of drugs and abuse and voids in
00:15:38my life too and that just makes the huge difference in us and i think that adds to the jealousy that i
00:15:45have been able to do that i've been able to go to 16 years of counseling i had a very a lot of success
00:15:53on keto over 130 pounds weight loss i'm gonna be sharing my before and afters with you guys just so
00:15:59you can get a picture of that level of support that i tried to offer and show her the whole way
00:16:04she was there the whole way but she continued to put it down really every chance she got um
00:16:11jealousy jealousy is an interesting concept that you bring up because it brings me back to when you
00:16:19amber were talking and she said to you that you're actually the one who is jealous because she and
00:16:26her mom have such a good relationship so it's just interesting to hear no jealousy there uh it's what
00:16:34i always wanted that's not jealousy i am hurt like i said when we got to the end of the road
00:16:41i was left there and they'd like kind of drove off kind of thing you know that's not what i had planned
00:16:47this all this time uh so there's not jealousy uh it's it's more hurt it's just oh my god but then
00:16:53understanding why would they not want me around makes more sense now yeah and you know what do you
00:17:00do you have anything to add to that thing where amber said that she couldn't spend time with you
00:17:05unless it was with your sister in attendance as well like what did she think was going to happen like
00:17:11you were gonna do something or yeah it's just it's just another stupid ass excuse because number one
00:17:18at that point i've known her better than her mom we had a constant relationship you know what i mean
00:17:24if anyone that she should have felt comfortable with it would have been me and especially you know
00:17:28to say to meet the family after this it's not like i was a stranger at that point you know what i mean
00:17:33maybe my kids and my grandkids i get it but that's not what we were talking about you know so she just
00:17:40used that and i again more as i just opened my i don't think she wanted me to know her real life
00:17:47how she acts what she does because you because she knows i went to kiwi years ago so that has to stay
00:17:54in her mind somewhere that i'm capable of doing it again and then here we go fast forward we are here i
00:18:00am so it wasn't uh you know probably a bad decision on her but you know she could have changed too and been
00:18:07a better person and then you wouldn't worry about you know other people doing that why can't you just
00:18:12be a good human you know and you know she keeps saying over and over again oh what did you do what
00:18:17did i do to you in the last two years what did i do if somebody told me if somebody told me that i
00:18:23couldn't spend time with them unless it was being supervised with another i wouldn't want to have a
00:18:29relationship with them yeah so now she said oh well i tried reaching out i tried reaching out
00:18:35she set the tone when she said no it has to be supervised with your sister yeah and mind you that
00:18:43was in the beginning of october right when she first came to oklahoma city and then i didn't get
00:18:50to see her till november so thanksgiving yeah so you know she had already been there like
00:18:56you know at least a month to a month and a half and the fact that i didn't get to see her except
00:19:02that first night that she got here when i got to see her girlfriend the one and only time
00:19:07that just hurt i was like i can't i don't understand why and then i would hear through my mom oh well uh
00:19:14her and her mom went to the museum today her and her mom did this and i'm just like why wouldn't they
00:19:19invite me that's just so weird you know and that's how it all started and then you know i i stay pretty
00:19:25busy so sometimes you know we'll be here today and then may i'll be busy for two or three days
00:19:31with work related stuff and then it's like oh wow no text no call i talked to my mom there's oh
00:19:36they're doing this they're getting i'm just like okay and i even have messages where i'm like i'm
00:19:40glad you're spending time with your mom and getting some time together it wasn't jealousy
00:19:44i just didn't want to be totally kicked to the curb and that's what happened right um and then
00:19:52the cruising i think is another aspect that she's jealous of uh i cruise a lot so therefore i get
00:20:00to experience the world you know i get to like a cruise ship yeah okay cruising cruising means
00:20:09something entirely different to me oh okay um you know i've been watching a lot of videos and when
00:20:18i came across one of uh oh god snowflake reading this i guess some story she wrote it's all based
00:20:25on a cruise ship i was just like oh wow oh wow wow um but i think that's just another thing because
00:20:32she obviously can't do those things she obviously can't you know climb waterfalls and walk on the
00:20:39bottom of the ocean and scuba dive and do all those things so she hears me doing i'm doing i think she
00:20:46could find her way it's resentful now tammy i think she could find her way to the bottom of the ocean i
00:20:51knew you were gonna say that i as soon as i said what i said i knew i i think that she could find her
00:20:58way to the bottom of the ocean um on thanksgiving when you were seeing her of 2023 did christine make
00:21:10her plate at thanksgiving no oh she made her own plate okay all right yeah i think she did i think
00:21:17she did all right one or two
00:21:20i really couldn't tell you uh i haven't just you know
00:21:25yeah i couldn't tell you
00:21:29another thing that's come up i got a call from you know this person sent this to this person this person
00:21:38sent this and then i get a call and yada yada and her and i also got a text about uh
00:21:43amber saying i was doxing her and i honestly i kind of knew what doxing was from obviously being
00:21:50around on youtube a little but i wanted to make sure i understood what doxing meant so of course you
00:21:56know look it up and i'm like what is she talking about like what and then um i realized what she
00:22:04was referring to and it's just another thing of deflection like holy crap like it's so stupid
00:22:10uh i at least and correct me if i'm wrong but the doxing part on my thing is just confirming that
00:22:17she doesn't need to take an elevator down to take twinkie outside or to get door dash um and confirming
00:22:25that she lives on the first floor yeah that's really doxing because number one it's on video on
00:22:33her thing the window right behind her ground level and there's another video where my sister
00:22:40has knocked on her window what is my sister 15 feet tall or 25 feet tall 30 feet tall like how
00:22:47tall is she you know so it's not really insane information that's not already out there now if
00:22:52there was uh apartments that had you know 10 floors and i was to be like she lives on the eighth floor
00:22:59and then you were to call around oklahoma city and see how many apartments have that many floors then i
00:23:05can see it getting a little messy but to say someone lives on a ground floor i think all apartments
00:23:13have a ground floor people have also suggested that perhaps she's in an uh disability compliant
00:23:21apartment because we do notice things like the lowered countertops and uh the bar in her bathroom
00:23:28and things like that um she is in an apartment in that kind of situation of course she didn't ask for
00:23:36it that's what she got that's not what she ordered oh they they did put her in like a disability compliant
00:23:42one i guess you would consider it as far as i know yeah with everything that you've said and what
00:23:49i've seen i've seen i'd say yes oh interesting oh but yeah no she uses doxing very loosely i wouldn't
00:24:00i wouldn't listen i have no fear yeah there was there was a time where someone talked about one of her
00:24:06doctors and it was like a public figure and she said oh my god you doxed my you doxed my doctor it's like
00:24:14yeah i don't think she knows what that means yeah i think somebody took a picture of jade walking
00:24:23twinkie one time and she said that that was doxing yeah i mean i guess she can show and tell everything
00:24:30under the sun but anyone that says anything against her about her is another story a thing that we were
00:24:37talking about last week is when amber lynn was reaching out to you to drop off vapes what
00:24:44types of vapes were they and were they the type of vape that you are able to get because you have a
00:24:51certain type of card uh yes i have uh the medical marijuana card and so does several members of my
00:25:01family you would think amber would get one right oh not very hard not very hard at all oh
00:25:10it's sad to say i do have legitimate diagnosis that i mean but it's so i mean how do i even say
00:25:19that it's a it's a it's a joke the medical cards here is an absolute joke it's another way to have
00:25:27to pay another fee to get what you're going to do anyway kind of thing right uh you literally get on
00:25:34a video screen most of the time or sit in front of a doctor that you've never met from a day one
00:25:39he asks you what what what are you going to use for your reason you tell him he signs a paper and
00:25:44you go get it i mean it's just it's a crock so the fact that she doesn't even have one
00:25:49is just crazy to me because why would you want to do stuff like that and have a chance of uh getting
00:25:57in trouble because you're not legally doing it when you could easily easily legally do it
00:26:03oh well you know it's out of laziness i mean it could it could be so it could be very easy to go
00:26:10and get it but it's just the fact that it takes a little bit of effort it's like the same thing of
00:26:14why she didn't vote yeah oh let me touch on something before i forget
00:26:21this little picture that she's trying to portray since this has happened with her relationship with
00:26:29her and my mom now i have not seen or heard or talked to any of them right but i know it is just
00:26:36another show because i know my mom i know her feelings towards amber and the whole time i would let's
00:26:47just go the last year because that's when really things started uh where i was seeing documented
00:26:55proof of my mom's illness um never called and texted her to check on her wouldn't answer my mom's text
00:27:05over and over and over again phone calls my mom would talk to my sister about it it was a big major
00:27:11ordeal so how do you go from that and when she said oh when i hang out with my with my grandma
00:27:18now i can't give you an exact number but i would say 10 to 15 times in two years
00:27:26it's not really like that much and it would be them coming over maybe playing a game and then it's
00:27:34always food in bingo she made it seem like she was spending a hurry to leave to go get the food in
00:27:41bingo oh it was like okay we have to go spend time with grandma and the only reason why she would
00:27:47go through with that is because she got food after absolutely and the fact also i think a big part is
00:27:54that she could not there's no way she could use the bathroom at my mom's house so i've always wondered
00:27:59how that worked out uh impossible impossible backyard maybe i mean i guess yeah but not in
00:28:09the house in the bathroom that's in the house impossible it is the smallest bathroom i have
00:28:15ever seen in my life oh so very similar to the er like oh let's go to the er because we get denny's
00:28:24after probably oh my probably well thank you for clarifying on the vape thing i know that that was a
00:28:34lot of uh people were wondering about that yeah because we were wondering i mean why didn't she
00:28:40just door dash the vape why didn't she have like why did she need you to do it yeah yeah it's because
00:28:45when she first got here she just thought she was gonna you know she just wanted to to have that and
00:28:51i don't even know uh i know the very first time she came here i had one and she got it but i don't
00:29:00think i ever actually bought one and gave it to her and i used to tell my mom all the time well she
00:29:07needs to get a card she needs to get a card because when my mom would ask and then i and then my mom
00:29:11got hers and then that was it i was like get it first that ain't my problem yeah i ain't gonna deal
00:29:16with it you know so yeah because i mean that puts you at risk yeah yeah definitely uh and at first i
00:29:24didn't even think twice i think i got caught up over just it was amber i mean it's just it's just
00:29:31weird and when you first get legalized here too it is a transition you're so used i mean because i'm
00:29:36not gonna lie i smoked it before i was legal too like pretty much everyone that smokes it you know
00:29:41either you do or you don't i guess legally smoke it now is the only difference um so i really didn't
00:29:48put a lot of thought into that one i'm really trying to remember honestly i'm pretty sure i gave
00:29:54her the one i had i don't think i've ever bought her one but not that it's any better but i'm just
00:29:59trying to be 100 honest with that but yeah that's that's about it for that but the um the whole thing
00:30:08with my mom's cancer is my sister or amber never called and checked up on her or you know made sure
00:30:14she was okay it's been me the whole time the whole time the whole time so now if they are going around
00:30:21it just shows more that it truly is just trying to get that house oh yeah they want the house so
00:30:27gross to me yeah they want the house gross yeah out of all of this that's what they're taking from it
00:30:34yeah yep and i'm sure amber's gonna love to bring up the past with my mom with cancer
00:30:41my mom did lie years and years and years ago about having cancer and it became a very big thing in our
00:30:52family when i found out that it was not true back then it was she had barrett's esophagus which is
00:31:00pre-cancerous you know things that could turn into cancer but that's not what she was saying she was
00:31:06living and speaking as if she had cancer and she told her family friends everybody that she literally
00:31:14would tell my children well i don't know if i'll be here next year well i don't know if i'll be here
00:31:21next christmas and it was constant and i don't know about you guys but i don't think there's a parent in
00:31:27this world that would want their kids around a woman that talks about dying every single day when
00:31:34there's no documented proof that it was really happening you know so my father was actually truly
00:31:42dying my dad years later ended up moving back in with me uh for his final time i didn't know but
00:31:48from the time he moved in uh he passed within four months hospice in my home it was one of the
00:31:54hardest time i think truly the hardest time of my life and during that time my mom wanted to keep
00:32:00lying about having cancer trying to take the focus off of my father onto her she wanted me to put him
00:32:08in an old folks home assisted place and let him die there because it would be too much work for me to do
00:32:15it at home she may have been right it was hard you know but no i said no and i even told her that day
00:32:21well you just remember that when it's your day that you wanted me to put my dad in a home maybe i'll
00:32:26consider that for you because what had happened is i think i started getting very very nervous
00:32:34about losing both of my parents i knew my dad was dying within days and my mom's kept saying she's
00:32:42dying dying but nothing to support it no proof you know and so i did the unthinkable i did
00:32:49i i called her doctor because at the time i was her medical proxy and i was as honest as i could be
00:32:58and i even told them i don't know if i'm just so afraid right now because i'm fixing to lose my dad
00:33:06and i may be afraid of losing my mom i could be in so much denial right now but i need to hear it from
00:33:12you guys that my mom has cancer because either i need help or she needs help but one of us needs
00:33:20help in this equation and on the bible they got so mad and upset because my mom even did that to me
00:33:29they said they spent 45 minutes talking to my mom her last visit telling her everything to support the
00:33:36fact that she did not have cancer my mom is a hypochondriac talk about googling symptoms and
00:33:43having the diagnosis she is the queen and so i had to hold that in because i was losing my dad
00:33:53and then i lost my dad on december 11th after the holidays i have kids i have grandkids you have to
00:34:03hold it together and then finally the day after christmas i'm like i don't want to take this into
00:34:09the new year i'm tired and i confront my mom face to face sitting at her kitchen table and i said mom
00:34:17call the doctor this is what they said why did you do that and you know what she did she yelled at me
00:34:25and said these exact words are you well i'm gonna say the effing instead of the full word i'm trying
00:34:32not to cuss so much but are you effing happy tammy are you effing happy that you found out i don't have
00:34:39cancer yelled at me and i was like uh yes yes i am i'm sorry but i'm mad that you lied about it but
00:34:51you know talk about a mind fuck i've been through it you know and now she really has lung cancer
00:34:58documented i see it with my own eyes in her results and that's when it became real not when she said it
00:35:05when i got to see it why do you think she did it because your dad was getting all the attention from
00:35:10actually having it she had to have it too to get attention my mom is an extremely lonely woman
00:35:19partly because it's like kind of like when you you're a certain way your whole life you know you
00:35:24no one no wants to think at the end of the road right they just want to just do what they're doing
00:35:28and just think at the end it's gonna all be okay and they're gonna just live happily ever after and
00:35:34that's not the case she my mom does have like the voice and like the face kind of like that
00:35:40resting bitch face and she comes across like she's mad all the time in her voice and i can doubt that
00:35:48that's not always true but she does come across that way and that's something she's battled with
00:35:52her whole life and so that plays a part she don't have a lot of friends uh she's in sexless freaking
00:35:59relationships every time which i just couldn't imagine so that starts messing with you uh doesn't
00:36:07even sleep in the same bed as her partners her current partner her ex-husband like separate rooms kind
00:36:13of stuff so loneliness no compassion no one that sits with my mom and watches a show does anything
00:36:21still to this day her her well it depends what she wants to call him from day to day based on his
00:36:27actions but his her caretaker her living roommate her uh ex-boyfriend current boyfriend i don't know
00:36:34what title he wears today but he still lives in the house and has you know 12 years i think
00:36:40something he's 99 of the time out in the garage because he can't stand to be around my mom
00:36:45her ex-husband did the same thing same garage i mean it's just weird so she's a very lonely person
00:36:54and she wants the attention that's why she does all the medical stuff um and that's okay so i didn't
00:37:02talk to my mom for about two years after that happened i was devastated and um and what what
00:37:10year was this about 15 years ago okay so like 2010 yeah okay yeah just thinking of the timeline
00:37:22yeah and then i and then my sister she did play a huge part of getting me and my mom talking again
00:37:29my sister trying to use her newfound um spiritual ality of forgiveness and when we got one mom and
00:37:39blah blah blah and you know just all this stuff and you know everyone says that you know oh you
00:37:44only got one mom you only got one mom and it makes me try again and again i get it i get it yeah we only
00:37:50got one mom but sometimes it's just not enough you know oh so um
00:37:57man it's really interesting to hear you say that she has the tendency to be googling all of her symptoms
00:38:08and diagnosing herself and because all the while you were saying that i was thinking huh i know
00:38:15somebody like that oh yeah yeah that's why i just be like dying because it's definitely similar
00:38:21and you know amber picking up on people's storylines and traumas man have i seen that so much over the
00:38:29last few days it's it's like how can somebody be so calculated and manipulative and and and it seems
00:38:36like it would take brains to do some of that but then be so damn stupid on the other side of it
00:38:42yeah yeah if you're gonna be a liar and you're gonna take other you have to be smart
00:38:48yeah she's so bad at it
00:38:50even before all this happened i remember seeing i don't know if i was watching her or a reaction but
00:39:04i remember her on live saying i'll be right back i gotta let the i thought she had said dogs i even
00:39:10question like dogs they're trying one dog but anyway and then you know making it like she had
00:39:15to go down the elevator but the length of time that she was gone was like it seemed to me like a minute
00:39:23and i'm like okay first of all i shouldn't go down in an elevator and if she did it would take a lot
00:39:29longer to go down in an elevator and take your dog out and then come back up i was just like
00:39:33she doesn't even try to lie good anymore like wow
00:39:37incredible oh gosh yeah um does your i'm just curious does your mom have an aversion to taking
00:39:52medication my mom takes a lot of medication you know just because in this stream we're watching
00:40:01here now amber lynn is terrified to take blood pressure medicine yeah but she'll do the olympic
00:40:08right isn't that a little bit more dangerous well what about the bags of mcdonald's and all that
00:40:13other shit all that that's what i'm saying that's just like it blows my mind when she does stuff like
00:40:18that i'm just wondering where she got that from you know i was just about to say how she steals
00:40:24people's things and stuff out of anybody in our family that would describe me and every member in
00:40:32my family would attest to that i am the kind of person that if you know like oh i have a headache
00:40:39i have a headache and a little bit like oh it's escalated it's really at a peak oh my head hurts
00:40:43most people at that point would take some ibuprofen or some Tylenol right i'll keep it and then it'll
00:40:49take someone to say well why don't you take something i'll be like well i'm gonna see if
00:40:52it's gonna pass naturally you know i only take things when i like like they say if if i take
00:40:58medicine you know i'm hurting kind of thing right and when it came to um which i did misspeak and i
00:41:06need to correct that too when i said i wasn't i haven't been on medication or i was in counseling for
00:41:1116 years and haven't been on medication for about six years i think i said that's pretty accurate
00:41:17but about i think in 2023 i would have to look it up there was a couple month period that i was going
00:41:25through a really uh bad depression and i didn't want to take medicine though because i was one of
00:41:31the people that was when i was on the medicines for so long i did look up you know side effects
00:41:37long-term effects all those kind of things but i would talk to my counselor about this and i'd be
00:41:43like i don't want to be on medication for the rest of my life i get some people need it and that's fine
00:41:50if you're that mine a lot of my stuff was trauma-based so as you work through that trauma things change
00:41:58and sometimes if you're lucky like i feel i was i was able to slowly under counseling evaluations
00:42:07break away from my medications to where i was no medicine for a very long time but then uh stress
00:42:14got a little high at a certain point and i just we were at the doctor's office and i was there with
00:42:19my husband and i just started crying you know i was just i was at the beginning of the breaking i guess
00:42:25it probably did have a lot to do with amber but i'm not gonna blame it on her but the time period
00:42:30aligns i'm just saying um and it just was a little much and so they asked me if i would consider
00:42:38going back on medication just to get me like through that season it didn't have to be forever
00:42:42whatever whatever you know so i did agree to it but again the side effects and the possible long-term
00:42:50effects were greater than what i was going through so i chose to not do it so i think if anyone that
00:42:57would come from it would be closer to coming from my storyline rather than her own because i've never
00:43:02seen evidence of it until recent from her so i think it's just another you know and amber loves to talk
00:43:09about things that like nobody else would kind of know that there's an underlying cut she does it a lot
00:43:16a lot like you know if you noticed a lot of the anxiety talk right now right a lot of it uh about
00:43:24feeling like she's gonna a big fear of dying in a car accident that's 100 me that is my story that is
00:43:32not her story i have facebook posts that you could go back and read about my anxiety in a car and that
00:43:39my number one fear is dying in a car and has been since a little girl and me and my husband were
00:43:46hit by a semi and that really affected me to where i would pull off on the side of the road sometimes
00:43:53crying calling him or his mother and i feel like i'm gonna die i feel like i'm gonna die you know
00:43:59trauma from getting hit by a semi like we were hit bad and then about two or three years later
00:44:07actually the first day driving home to my my house for the first time from work i got hit by a semi a
00:44:13second time so i had some severe trauma again the difference between me and amber she would have
00:44:20let that stop her right i fought harder i still drive today do i get anxiety sometimes yep i hate
00:44:29going by semis i hate being but it's i'm not gonna let it stop me my trauma will never stop me
00:44:36mm-hmm and that's just what i wanted to share with amber you know we go through hard times but
00:44:42you don't have to let it stop you of anything make it make it be your story to help other people
00:44:50you know you're like you don't have to let that stop you push through it get to the other side you
00:44:56know i still battle with anxiety every single day of my life that i work through it use the five senses
00:45:02you know my husband so many times has to tell me hey name five things that you see name four things
00:45:09that you can touch you know it goes down the line to bring me back that's my battle and she knows that
00:45:16so it just it's just little cuts like that that i just makes me despise her more and more daily
00:45:23it really is almost as if she's not her own person and she's just stolen stories of your sister you
00:45:29your grandma any other family members yeah wow it's a lot of crazy stuff a lot of crazy stuff
00:45:42well again tammy i appreciate you coming on here and having uh thank you so much for letting me get
00:45:47that out that was a few things that you know i've just been hearing and hearing and i'm just not you
00:45:51know oh start a reaction channel all that kind of stuff i'm just i'm still in process you know
00:45:56yeah still there's times where i see something and i'll answer a question or you know it feels
00:46:01good to talk it out a little bit but you know i'm just taking it day by day right now but just
00:46:06there's a lot of there's a lot of hurt and a lot of acceptance going on so yeah but i will come out
00:46:11on the other side that yes you will you know i i have no doubt on that so but thank you again for
00:46:17just letting me talk just anytime anytime i appreciate you guys i never in my wildest dreams would think
00:46:25that my niece's reactors would be part of my healing process oh but that's just that's the way life is
00:46:32right it's so crazy it works in mysterious ways at least my god does so i just i thank them yeah i mean
00:46:38amber amber lynn loves to call us uh the the hate channels the haters all that kind of stuff i mean
00:46:44we all didn't start out that way i mean i've grown to be more apathetic toward her but i didn't start out
00:46:49that way right yeah all right well i hope you have a great rest of your night it won't be the last
00:46:56talk but i'll talk to you again soon all right have a good night take care bye
00:46:59how's everyone doing
00:47:10doopity doo doopity day we have another day with no makeup i like to let my face breathe
00:47:26hello hello yes kendra i'm good how are you
00:47:43crazy things going catnip for real
00:47:56um how's everyone doing
00:48:09what's bad girlie pop oh my god i found out some stuff about my aunt today that has
00:48:14or it was yesterday that genuinely just has me like
00:48:18jaw on the floor type deal jaw on the floor type deal i can't i genuinely can't like
00:48:37you listen to what um spill the tea she has no issue spilling it yeah i'm gonna definitely spill the
00:48:44tea but i'm gonna try to do it very like low key i'm gonna dumb it down because like
00:48:49some of it's very personal to other people but i did get permission to say whatever i wanted so
00:48:58i'm gonna do you know i'm gonna try to be like morally me like i don't want to like spill too hard
00:49:04but she wants to come out popping i'm gonna come out popping and yes i'm fully aware she went
00:49:09she was live with jordy last night i found out five hours later because alexis texted me and said
00:49:17something about actually i'll just read it
00:49:23where is it
00:49:25timmy going on third jordy live stream is crazy work she is bored and i was like
00:49:30because i remember her doing too and then she ended up telling me and i was like oh okay okay
00:49:35okay so i don't know if i'm gonna react to that per se because it's like i don't even want to listen
00:49:42to it i genuinely don't but i don't know can you say hi to gabby trish and vanna please i love you girl
00:49:49okay star thank you so much for the super chat and hello gabby trish and vanna hi how are you guys
00:49:55we were gifted members before i loved it thank you oh the bells hello of course of course um
00:50:08um i asked my friend if she knew about you and she said what that messy big girl
00:50:13okay pop off okay listen i don't even know where to begin with
00:50:25you guys i'm laughing because some of it's funny i'm only gonna say a couple things some of it's
00:50:30funny and the other stuff is like so serious still fucking serious um stuff i never even knew about
00:50:39your face looks like high blood pressure my face is not high blood pressure i'm on my second day of
00:50:43my high blood pressure medicine i fucking did it you guys okay i fucking did it i said you know what
00:50:48irrational fear i'm gonna lick you in the face i'm gonna smack your face i'm gonna say get the
00:50:52fuck out of my face and we're about to take that medicine because i need it apparently so yay um okay
00:51:00you know why i'm laughing i shouldn't be laughing it's really not funny it's not at all
00:51:12um you guys should ask you guys should ask tammy do your
00:51:22do your beanie babies have a menstrual cycle i know you guys are probably gonna be like what are you
00:51:27talking about just say do your beanie babies have a menstrual cycle just say that
00:51:35can you start ahead of brook and matthew hello brook and matthew
00:51:39jessica welcome to stream queens mini hello hello thank you kendra i'm proud of myself too
00:51:44a lot of people are like genuinely um they're like how can you be afraid of like medicine if you like
00:51:53drink bitch i don't drink for a reason anymore because i am scared oh so okay
00:52:02you know tammy watching probably obsessed listen
00:52:08i just want to say that my aunt is absolutely unhinged to the point of like literally
00:52:15every single month she receives money that she herself i'm not calling it this because i never
00:52:22would call it this okay but she herself calls it crazy money
00:52:28yes and i want to make it very well known that how i found this stuff out is from her daughter
00:52:34the daughter that literally will not speak to her and it genuinely breaks my heart and you know what
00:52:42i
00:52:46it's hard for me to even speak about these things because of like what i found out because like the
00:52:50most serious most serious thing for me is jordy is actively having a pdf apologist on his live
00:53:00stream and he's supporting that so i want to make that very well known that he is speaking to someone
00:53:06who stayed married to a pdf someone who children and you know what my aunt did
00:53:14she forced these little kids to say that they were lying so auntie take that and fuck yourself
00:53:24that's what i gotta say and that's what i found out the funny stuff that i was laughing about maybe
00:53:30five minutes prior you know what i'm not even gonna speak about that because the beanie baby
00:53:35shit all that shit is just so unhinged that i'm not even gonna speak about it i think maybe we should
00:53:40just speak about the serious shit and jordy if you want to support that have fun because karma will
00:53:45find you and this is stuff that i never knew this is stuff that i never knew and i'm telling you i'm
00:53:52so glad that i know now because tammy you say that you want nothing to do with me
00:53:58i treat my mom so bad even though i don't the way that you treat your own mother is unhinged
00:54:04the way that you gaslight me and you make me feel this small that i'm sitting there rocking
00:54:11back and forth like a fucking loser like i literally am so embarrassed to go back to that live stream
00:54:17but you trigger me so hard that i shut down my mom watched that and she said amberlynn you're not even
00:54:24acting like yourself because you are an abuser yourself you have manipulated me since the minute i met
00:54:32you when i was 17 so for you to lie to people and say that we met when i was 14 which my mom
00:54:39my grandma your daughter said never happens i sat there in that live stream and you were gaslighting
00:54:48me so hard about some spaghetti story from when i was 14 that i almost started to believe it myself
00:54:54so you and jordy can go frolic in the daisies together jordy i take that back we're never gonna
00:54:59frolic together because i will not stand for a pdf apologist and someone who forces little children
00:55:06to say that they lied about it no wonder why when i share my story about what happened to me when i was
00:55:11seven you sit there and call me a liar you are sick period
00:55:22and that's how i feel about it and honestly i don't know if i want to react to
00:55:29i don't even want to click the video i don't want to give it a view so i don't even fucking know
00:55:36no welcome to stream queens mini thank you thank you
00:55:43um i wanted wait i have wanna told you long that i have sorry i'm like blind that i have had same
00:55:50issues as you i took many curses just to learn why i feel and think as i do and my bf did that too
00:55:57those have helped a lot but it's still not easy please don't give up thank you you have always
00:56:01been genuinely so sweet and i appreciate you so much um it means the world to me
00:56:10you thought you ate actually no i didn't but i did just meet chipotle
00:56:15their chicken wrap slaps like genuinely slaps
00:56:19um how is it possible for you to feel small so it's a mental thing not a physical
00:56:32it's just like the things that i found out today and for anyone to sit there and support someone who
00:56:36literally really forced little children to lie and say and for her to stay married to this man genuinely
00:56:46like that hurt me so bad to hear and i was like
00:56:54you're not making sense how am i not making sense
00:56:59what
00:57:02bill and i take them today's my second day
00:57:08you don't have truth for something like that cast that's really gross to say
00:57:12and then like the fact that no one's like my aunt can like spew off the most random unhinged sit
00:57:18unhinged shit and people are like just believing it no one's saying proof or anything
00:57:23like that's really sad um
00:57:28wow this community is so fucking unhinged
00:57:34every time i come on here and i'm triggered because like it happened to me when i was seven
00:57:42and my own aunt didn't believe it and my mom had to be like it really happened
00:57:47the fact like every time i come on here i'm more shocked and shocked by the minute
00:57:51i'm genuinely more shocked and shocked by the minute
00:57:53well for some drama people would support someone like that
00:58:03no
00:58:06so i'm just waiting for more people to come in here i guess it really doesn't matter um
00:58:10i'm going to be taking a break from social media and i know i usually don't give you guys that like
00:58:15update type deal and i was like debating back and forth like do i say something do i not and people
00:58:20get upset when i don't say something and there's always like rumors that i'm not allowed to post
00:58:25on youtube for two weeks because i got striked or whatever like that's never happened it's never
00:58:28happened um anytime i've disappeared is my choosing um but this stuff with my aunt like
00:58:37it's so crazy sorry for all the fur again i was cuddling the babies and this is also because
00:58:42romeo likes to lay right here and i'm just like okay and then i have to like hold my phone up super high
00:58:47to even like look at it or whatever i'm doing oh he's coming again um so yeah uh just this like
00:58:54whole thing with my aunt like is insane insane um it's like she can speak her truth but then the
00:59:01minute i speak mine she's like see you in court and i'm like i'm unwell i'm unwell i'm genuinely
00:59:08unwell i've had a slander if you will if we want to use that word i've had slander um happen to me
00:59:17for what 12 years now on youtube never sued a soul and i'm telling you the things that people
00:59:22have said about me has been crazy like crazy um things that aren't real things that will never be
00:59:29real i've never sued a soul never sued a soul and um it's just it's hypocritical and it's again it's
00:59:36another way to silence me and you know what you won you won um i'm gonna keep my truth i'm gonna
00:59:41keep my truth i'm gonna journal it out you know one day i might publish those puppies i know how
00:59:45bad so many people want to read my journal so um it's just it's just not worth it it's not worth
00:59:53it to me anymore you know what i might see her in court and the thing is she's not gonna win
01:00:00because there's nothing to win um a lot of people have taught me it's really hard to prove slander
01:00:04etc etc i believe what i said is 100 true so that is what i have to stand on and what i will stand on
01:00:12but even before i found that out which i found this out literally five minutes ago um i'm really
01:00:18glad that i have friends uh who got my back if you will for moments like this um even before i found
01:00:24that out i was talking to my friend i said i am going to take a break from youtube because mentally
01:00:30it's not worth it to me it's not worth it um thankfully i have an amazing savings i you know work
01:00:37for my money and i got it yeah you know sometimes i got that shopping addiction going you know what
01:00:40i'm saying but i also know how to save my money i'm responsible and i need to just focus on me and
01:00:46my own and the drama on youtube is not worth it to me the drama on youtube is is so otherworldly
01:00:54compared to like my actual true life and i just i can't do it anymore like this community is so
01:01:01lopsided and i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm about to speak about ethan klein right now which ew ew as
01:01:07you guys know i've always loved each three oh bitch not after some of the things that i have seen also
01:01:12my friend told me i'm like what is actually happening but it's like the same people who are
01:01:18like cancel ethan for that is supporting tammy it's confusing um i'm not calling my aunt a
01:01:26abuser in that way that's not what i'm saying i'm saying she was with someone who did that and um
01:01:34it is what it is like i'm only sharing i'm only using my voice for other people's voices that weren't
01:01:41able to be used and if my aunt is pissed about that then you know what be pissed like genuinely it's
01:01:49it's crazy that like she can say what she wants in the minute i do it so you in court it's it's off the
01:01:54wall it's a different type of narcissist it's a different type of crazy than i've ever seen and um
01:02:02i want no part in it genuinely so i think i'm going to take a break and come back maybe october
01:02:10so it is going to be over a month and i think that's what's good for me and i think that's what's
01:02:15going to be best for me and my mentals my mentals are important everyone's mentals are very important so
01:02:20yeah i gotta do it it's gonna be hard because like i love filming i love live streaming i love
01:02:27my supporters 100 but bitch i do not love the rest like i hate the drama i don't have drama in my real
01:02:34life i i hate the dramatics i don't have any of this in my real life currently and it's like i feel
01:02:40like i'm living i'm literally hannah montana like i ain't got the best of both worlds i have one real
01:02:46real good world a real bad one and youtube is the bad one so i'm gonna take a break this girly
01:02:53pop like i got permission from my boss my boss said go for it like it's up to you and i said thank you
01:02:57so much so we're on a um we're on a mental health leave we're on we're gonna have an app a leave of
01:03:03absence as you as you call them and yeah i think it's time i think it's time um maybe october 1st i'm
01:03:10gonna come back um i think that's gonna be good for me and i hope it's good for those who are like
01:03:15literally obsessed with me literally obsessed with me there's so many of you including tammy
01:03:20it's a weird energy um so yeah um it's kind of crazy because i have taken like a week like two
01:03:29weeks break but over a month is gonna be hard over but yeah people asking about insta and stuff no
01:03:34i'm not gonna be on instagram i'm not gonna
01:03:37on any social medias like i'm not gonna be on the tiktoks i'm not gonna be on anything um
01:03:50i can't i i genuinely can't i have to choose my mental health first like so many people are like
01:03:57amelyn we just want you to get better um you don't you love a crash out like you love a crash out
01:04:04um and i just don't want to be a part of it anymore so i need to like focus in the therapies
01:04:12the zolofts the just doing better for myself i need i really need that um so yeah
01:04:20that's just my little update you guys um i love you my supporters of course i love you guys so much
01:04:30and i'm sorry i know i feel like a lot of people are gonna be like let down by it which i get it
01:04:34because if i if i really enjoyed a youtuber and they did this shit i'd be like
01:04:40but i would understand because it's important um it's very important and i've just realized that
01:04:47no matter what i do no matter what i say no matter what era i am on youtube i could be the happiest
01:04:54ever my ozempic era my weight loss era my nice girl era my queen era my crash out era whatever era it's
01:05:03been i'm hated regardless people treat me like trash regardless and
01:05:09bad things can happen to those who get treated like this constantly and i just i've done putting
01:05:19myself kind of in that position and i hope with this month of amberlynn kind of just like leaving
01:05:26social media i hope that maybe some people can also sit back and be like you know what maybe i am a
01:05:31little too harsh with amberlynn like i get that all the time i get so many dms of people like
01:05:38i'm sorry i realize reaction channels are shit like girl world is insane they're hypocrites like
01:05:44i i get those i get the apologies i get all of that and i love it but it's like
01:05:52i wish more people could see that and be like that because it's a fucking lot it is genuinely a lot
01:06:00and people who dissect every last little drop of my life the people who are making that okay
01:06:09are reaction channels the people who almost like entice i don't know if that's the word for it but
01:06:17like entice harassment and bullying and like just just this nonsense of it all is reaction channels it was
01:06:25never this bad before but as reaction channels get more mean and boundaries are you know stepped
01:06:33over oh and boundaries are like stepped over sorry romeo's just having the time of his life he just
01:06:39went on my laptop um when tons of boundaries are crossed like it's reaction channels that
01:06:48pretty much are like making that happen um
01:06:51are we still here sorry i was trying to unplug this and it's just a lot because it's it's it's
01:07:04communities of people who like yay her um reaction channels but like we hate amberlynn like it is
01:07:12so fucking weird to me and it's just a lot and you know one person can only take so much genuinely
01:07:20um and the whole thing just fucking sucks but what's great about life is that people can move on
01:07:30and if i decide in this month that youtuber youtube is no longer for me then youtube is no longer for me
01:07:39because i am capable of moving on doing better i just have to decide that for myself
01:07:47um but yeah i have genuinely been rambling um
01:07:52and for those of you who are like hashtag clear casey's name it's because of my aunt and guess what
01:08:01isn't that slander isn't that slander because what happened with casey is real what happened
01:08:08with casey is true everything i said about casey is 100 true and my aunt is saying the opposite of
01:08:14that so wouldn't that be slander wouldn't that be slander yes it would be saying things that aren't
01:08:20true and aren't real isn't that slander what my aunt is saying go to court for like it just it genuinely
01:08:28my aunt has decided to dance with the devil she's also supposed to be a christian woman a loving
01:08:35woman um don't judge thy neighbor woman but she's none of those things she is dancing with the devil
01:08:42she is literally in a community full of people who are fat phobic who dox who harass who bully
01:08:54who have literally told me to kill myself i can't even tell you how many times who have laughed at my
01:09:02body who have made fun of me who have joked about me dying that's the community that she is placing
01:09:09herself in that's dancing with the devil honey and i'm personally not going to be a part of it i never
01:09:16have and i never ever will be and like i always come on and i'm in such a positive happy headspace
01:09:28and then some bullshit happens because it's drama that this community gives me and it's drama that my
01:09:36aunt is giving me and then i react to that as someone who does have bpd so i act kind of extra
01:09:42sometimes like and then i'm the one who's to blame it doesn't make sense it does not make sense
01:09:52like it never will be it never will be something that makes sense at all ever in a million years i see
01:09:59the hearts you guys thank you so much like it means the world to me you have no idea the support
01:10:06and it's just like i feel bad for the people who genuinely are here to like just support me and it
01:10:12just it kind of low-key sucks because i feel like i'm punishing them but it's like i can't just make
01:10:19content for them because i i want space genuinely away from the people who would rather see me
01:10:25like notino shade this is gruesome but you'd rather see me in a coffin there are people who message me
01:10:33that constant like you guys like there's as much love as i get in my dms i get some crazy some crazy
01:10:43stuff in my dms as well and people support that people support the fat phobia the the horrific things
01:10:52that are said to me because it's a community of people who are not happy with themselves it's a
01:10:58community of people who are not happy in their lives nobody and i mean nobody in this world who is happy
01:11:07with themselves truly 100 or even 80 or happy in their relationships or happy in their lives or their
01:11:17work would ever sit around and treat someone as badly as i am treated period nobody and i'm talking
01:11:26about every reaction channel out there as well they are miserable people there are people who act like
01:11:32they're perfect but the things but the thing is their shit just haven't seen the light of day you just
01:11:38haven't gotten to see their bullshit and some of some of it has been shown but people act like it does not
01:11:44matter and that's terrifying because this the reaction channel community is literally made to destroy amber lynn
01:11:57and as long as people are doing that that is all that matters
01:12:03and i simply just don't want to be a part of it i don't want to be a part of it and that means i have to
01:12:10remove myself because the haters aren't going to remove themselves the reaction channels won't remove
01:12:18themselves i have to do that i have to do that and um it's the best thing i can do for myself
01:12:29for my mom for my fur babies like i genuinely feel like
01:12:34you know deep down at my core i'm this bubbly happy positive person but anytime youtube is involved
01:12:45that side of me just disappears and i know people who love me can tell
01:12:54romeo's laying on my league my leg and it just it's sad because
01:13:00i was watching your mama right and i i've never watched like i don't agree with shani
01:13:10anything about shani but your mama was reacting to something that shani said and shani said something
01:13:16about me shani said that the haters on youtube made me not even half as the person that i once was
01:13:25and when she said that out i literally had to pause the video and i was like
01:13:32fuck that's genuinely true
01:13:37like
01:13:41the way that i'm treated has genuinely destroyed me
01:13:44and i'm not the person i once was i'm not
01:13:53like i'm not who i'm meant to be
01:13:57because of all the hate one person can only genuinely take so much
01:14:05because then what like genuinely then what
01:14:09and it's just it's a lot and it's hard
01:14:16and i know i don't deserve
01:14:19even 90 of this
01:14:22i know i don't i know i don't and yeah it's just a lot
01:14:29it's genuinely just a lot
01:14:31so
01:14:36yeah i don't really know what else to say though
01:14:39i think that's it that i'm just i'm gonna be gone for a while so
01:14:49and i think during that time i'm going to focus very hard
01:14:53on the right things instead of the wrong things
01:14:55because that's important to me
01:15:01hi romeo little ro ro
01:15:05yeah
01:15:11he's so sweet and he's so soft
01:15:18he's in a playful mood so he's playing with my hand
01:15:21that's why i have scratches on my hand by the way
01:15:23see
01:15:26that was from like two days ago
01:15:28or actually yesterday or something
01:15:30he's currently playing with my hand
01:15:33um
01:15:35so i hope that you guys have a good month
01:15:38um september is a brewing
01:15:41september 21st is a hard day for me because that's my dad's birthday
01:15:46and he's going through a lot right now so
01:15:48yeah there's nothing really
01:15:53that great in september um i'm just really gonna focus
01:15:58on me and
01:16:01my mental health and um
01:16:04when i come back i
01:16:07i don't know i'm during that time i might film something you know but i'm just i'm not gonna upload
01:16:13until october 1st i just don't want
01:16:16i don't want anything new of mine to be
01:16:20on
01:16:22um
01:16:23sorry romeo's not falling asleep in my leg he's so sweet
01:16:28i just don't want to upload anything new you know
01:16:32so anyways i'm gonna go
01:16:34um
01:16:39bye
01:16:43you
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