- 4 months ago
insatiable tv show, insatiable season 2 tv trailer, insatiable season 1 tv clip, tv series, insatiable, insatiable review, insatiable roxy, insatiable season 2, insatiable trailer, insatiable season 4, insatiable season 1, insatiable rant, insatiable trailer 1, insatiable spoilers, insatiable scene, insatiable recap, insatiable true story, netlix insatiable, insatiable lyrics, insatiable cringe, insatiable s02 trailer, insatiable netflix, insatiable s01 clip, insatiable season 2 trailer, insatiable season 2 netflix
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00The annual college and career fair.
00:18All my classmates were there with their parents, but not me.
00:22My own mom had been MIA for weeks, and my dad, who I'd finally met, was dead.
00:27Because you backed me off a cliff.
00:30Another dead body, and who is the common denominator?
00:33You.
00:34It was an accident.
00:35No, it was just like that scene from Poison Ivy when Drew Barrymore pushed Cheryl Ladd off a building.
00:40Do you know that movie?
00:42No, you know that movie.
00:44I'm a figment of your imagination.
00:46Then can you please just not look like that?
00:52The truth isn't pretty bad.
00:54You've got the blood of an ex-convict running through your veins.
00:58You are a bad seed.
01:02Please, just leave me alone.
01:03Oh.
01:04I can't.
01:05I'm inside your toxic DNA.
01:08That's why people keep dying around here.
01:12You are poison, Patty.
01:14Hey, superstar!
01:15Rob!
01:19I, uh, didn't expect to see you here.
01:21Yeah, meetin' Brick and Coralie here.
01:23It's our first family outing since everything went down, so fingers crossed.
01:27For what?
01:29Our first step towards a thaw with Coralie.
01:31Hmm.
01:32You think that could happen?
01:33I fixed things with Dixie.
01:34You're in recovery.
01:35Anything is possible.
01:37Speaking of recovery, how's that going?
01:39Time.
01:40Good.
01:41It's great.
01:42Great.
01:43Because we need to start preparing for State.
01:44I've been compiling a list of talents for you to try, and I've already found you a new
01:47philanthropy.
01:48A mentorship through the Association of Substitute Sisters.
01:51You really think that's a good idea?
01:54I know it's early on in your recovery, but I'm pretty sure one of the main things they
01:58tell you to do is to be of service to others.
02:00Get out of your own head.
02:01But trusting an impressionable girl with, well, me?
02:06You don't think I'm a bad seed?
02:08You're not.
02:10Look around.
02:11Everyone here is focused on their future, and you can be, too, if you just give yourself
02:17a clean slate.
02:18I'm not entirely sure that's possible.
02:19Of course it is.
02:21Look, the longer Stella Rose isn't around, the more likely it is she's dead.
02:27And Magnolia's memory isn't coming around any time soon.
02:31Don't let the past drag you down.
02:33You're gonna win State, then Miss American Lady, and then you can go to any college you
02:38want.
02:39Hey, Patty.
02:42Do you want to tell me what's going on between you and Dee?
02:46I thought you guys hated each other.
02:48Dee hasn't talked to you?
02:50No.
02:51Spoken in days.
02:52I'm kind of starting to think I can't trust either of you.
02:56You're my sponsor in Overeaters Anonymous.
02:59Oh, I'm so proud of you for going.
03:04I wonder why Dee didn't tell me.
03:10Is Officer Greg believing at me?
03:12Or you?
03:13Me.
03:17Spent the past half hour trying to convince me to become a cop like my dad.
03:20You gonna do it?
03:21Seriously?
03:22A lesbian cop?
03:23I could ever be that much of a cliché.
03:25Well, he's been following me.
03:28And he still thinks I killed Roxy.
03:31He still thinks Santa Claus is real.
03:33I wouldn't worry about him.
03:35I'm gonna go call Dee.
03:37Hughes is a historically black university like Spelman or Morehouse.
03:41Spelman?
03:42Yeah, well, I'm just not sure I'd fit in at an all-black university.
03:46Why would you say that?
03:47This is my dad.
03:49Nice to meet you.
03:50Well, pleasure's mine.
03:54Excuse me, hon.
03:58Would you like a brochure?
04:01You gonna be in the office at lunchtime?
04:05Yeah, I can be if you want to talk.
04:07I'd rather you not be.
04:10I'm cleaning out my office.
04:11I'm quitting the firm.
04:13Bob, you don't have to do that.
04:15I'm running for mayor.
04:16Bob?
04:19No, Bricks, Daddy, Bob.
04:21A word, please?
04:26We need to have a conversation about this.
04:28Brick cannot get into a four-year college.
04:31You knew about my grades.
04:33Yeah, but I thought with wrestling...
04:34Yeah, so did I.
04:35But I guess outside of Masonville, I'm not that big of a deal.
04:37We'll figure things out.
04:39I mean, college isn't for everybody.
04:41No, he's going to college.
04:42You didn't go and you're about to start your own business.
04:44He's right.
04:45I mean, not everyone knows exactly what they're gonna do at 17.
04:48Are you that desperate to get Brick to like you?
04:50You're acting like a friend and not a father.
04:53I am trying to work through this as a team.
04:55We need to be parents together.
04:57Well, you probably should have thought about that before you decided to blow up our family.
05:01Just stop, all right?
05:02You both fucked up your life, so quit telling me what to do with mine.
05:05Okay, watch your language, mister.
05:10For the record, I did not blow up our family.
05:17We decided to try things with Bob Barnard together.
05:19And then you chose him over me.
05:22That is not what happened.
05:23Bob, you said you were more afraid of losing him than me.
05:26I told you that is not what I meant.
05:30You have no idea what I went through that night.
05:34And I said some things that I regret.
05:36Okay, this is unbelievable because now you're trying to buy it back?
05:40What's this?
05:54Divorce papers.
05:58You've just been carrying those around with you.
06:01Well, I was waiting for the right time.
06:04And I think that this is the right time.
06:08We have to move our own path.
06:17Both of us.
06:27Hey, how was the college fair for you?
06:31Weird.
06:33This college rep suggested an all-black university,
06:37which never would have even occurred to me.
06:39I mean, I'm not even all-black.
06:42Are you okay?
06:43Um, I just found out my grades are too bad
06:45to get into a four-year school, so...
06:47I feel like a loser.
06:49Oh, Rick.
06:51No.
06:52I had this whole plan to party and wrestle
06:55and postpone real life for as long as possible.
06:58And now there's all this pressure to figure things out.
07:00And I just got into a huge fight with my parents.
07:02Do you want to grab a coffee or something?
07:04I don't know.
07:05Talk about it?
07:08Uh, no, I shouldn't.
07:09Patty would...
07:11Right.
07:12Right.
07:14I gotta go anyway,
07:15because, um, my dad made an appointment
07:17with a hypnotist to help me remember
07:19what happened when I blacked out, so...
07:22All right, thank you.
07:24If I was gonna get a clean slate,
07:36I needed to get as far away from Masonville as possible.
07:39I could start a new life,
07:41new friends,
07:42and leave all the death and destruction behind.
07:48You know what they say.
07:50Wherever you go, there we are.
07:53We both know how your future's going to turn out.
07:57Hey, hey, hey, hey!
07:59You're even worse than me.
08:01Why don't you just quit while you're behind?
08:04Forget college.
08:07Pageants.
08:11There.
08:12Happy now?
08:13Does this dress make me look homicidal?
08:18Hello?
08:19You told Nani I was in program?
08:21What the hell?
08:22I'm so sorry.
08:24She was mad at both of us,
08:25and I didn't want you to ruin your relationship.
08:27The A stands for anonymous.
08:29I decide when I tell someone.
08:31I was only trying to...
08:32I never should have agreed to sponsor you.
08:34This?
08:35This isn't gonna work out.
08:36Wait.
08:37Are you breaking up with me?
08:39I can give you a list of numbers of other people to call.
08:41Don't bother.
08:42I'll be fine on my own.
08:44See?
08:46You're so damaged, you don't even deserve recovery.
08:50On the upside, without a sponsor, I can eat all my feelings.
08:54Yay.
08:55Oh, Girl Scout cookie's awesome.
09:02Let me grab my...
09:03We're not with the Girl Scouts.
09:04We're with the Association of Substitute Sisters.
09:07I'm Rita.
09:08This is Becky.
09:09It's a flavor called by your pageant coach, Bob Armstrong.
09:12Oh, shit.
09:13I forgot.
09:14Fuck, I cussed.
09:15Shit.
09:16Sorry.
09:17Again.
09:18Can I...
09:19Just...
09:20Yeah.
09:21Listen.
09:22I can't...
09:23Your coach seemed to think that you and Becky would be a good fit.
09:26She just needs to spend the day with a strong female role model.
09:28I'm definitely the wrong person for that.
09:30Are you Patti Bledow?
09:31Yes.
09:32Well, you're the right person.
09:33It says so right here.
09:34Oh, if you'll excuse me, I've got a handful of other kids to drop off.
09:40It's okay.
09:41I get why you don't want to help me.
09:43I mean, there's no way you could relate to my problems.
09:46No, no.
09:47It's not that.
09:48I mean, look at you.
09:49You're beautiful and skinny and perfect.
09:55Come with me.
10:01They called me Fatty Patty.
10:04How'd you lose the weight?
10:05That's not the point.
10:06How did you lose the weight?
10:08I was punched in the face by a homeless guy.
10:11I had my jaw wired shut and lost 70 pounds.
10:14That's amazing.
10:15It was actually really painful.
10:16Did the guy just, like, come at you or...?
10:18I hit him first, but like I said, not a great role model.
10:21Are you kidding?
10:22I wish I could just get punched in the face and wake up looking like you.
10:25Becky, listen.
10:26I wasted years of my life fantasizing about what things would be like if I looked different.
10:33And then my outsides changed and didn't make me any happier.
10:38You know what I would wish for?
10:39Instead of getting punched in the face, a clean slate.
10:43What do you mean?
10:44I would let go of all of the things I hate about myself.
10:51I would go back in time and learn to love myself just the way I am.
10:57That sounds boring.
10:59Okay, well maybe if I had, my life wouldn't be such a disaster fee.
11:02What's wrong with your life?
11:04Just trust me.
11:05If I had known none what I know now, I wouldn't have waited to try and be happy.
11:12But you don't have to make the same mistakes I did.
11:16You don't have to wait around wishing for things to be different.
11:20Is this the part where you pull out a bunch of self-esteem building activity lists from
11:23Vulture and Refinery 29?
11:25Oh my god, it's a great idea.
11:27It should have been simple.
11:29Give back the key to Barnard's house, let go of the ring, sign the papers and move on.
11:34But they each felt like they weighed a thousand pounds.
11:37I kept thinking of all the things I would have done differently.
11:41I never meant to be the bad guy.
11:43Dad?
11:44I'm sorry for snapping earlier.
11:48I think I'm just mad that I messed up with school.
11:51Oh, it's okay.
11:52I understand.
11:53I just wish I could get like a time machine and have a do-over.
11:55Yeah, I know how you feel.
11:57It's all right.
12:00I had literally just told Patty to give herself a clean slate.
12:04You know what?
12:05No more dwelling in the past.
12:06Either one of us.
12:07Let's you and I figure out what we're going to do next together.
12:10Dad, are you living out of your office?
12:12Oh, no.
12:13No.
12:14That's just, uh, temporary until I find something more permanent.
12:17Let's talk about you.
12:19No way.
12:20I mean, you basically just told me you're homeless.
12:22So, come on.
12:23We're getting you to a hotel.
12:24Oh, Dixie.
12:29Don't you look stylish.
12:32I just, I love the way your outfit matches your rims.
12:36You have exceeded the 45 minute per customer time limit.
12:39Get out.
12:40Come on, Dixie.
12:41Loitering hair is the only way that I get to spend time with you.
12:45It's not like anyone's waiting for a table.
12:47I've never seen it so empty.
12:50Want to know why?
12:51She's a total moose-a-weenie.
12:53Get back to work!
12:54Dixie, I know you're hurting.
12:57But you need your mama now more than ever.
13:00You've always been dumb, but now you're crippled too.
13:04Please leave before I get one of my weenie workers to kick you out.
13:08I told you not to call me that.
13:11Okay, you know what?
13:13Forget it.
13:14I quit.
13:15What do you mean you quit?
13:16I was going to wait to tell you this until you got your bearings here, but I'm moving.
13:20Where?
13:21My dad got a job in California.
13:23Decided it was too depressing to work for you.
13:25And you know, I think he was right.
13:29Good luck, Dixie.
13:35Gina, I've been trying to call you for the last hour.
13:38I'm between cell carriers.
13:40Do you want to explain to me why 250,000 Tampoozles were shipped to my house this morning?
13:46Oh, well, I would have had them shipped to my place, but I'm between residences too.
13:50Plus, I didn't think you'd mind I got a fantastic deal by ordering in bulk from China.
13:56Okay.
13:57Between the tariffs and the shipping, it's actually more expensive than the product itself.
14:01Tariff?
14:02I thought that was fake news.
14:04You spent all of our capital.
14:06This means we don't have any money for marketing and distribution.
14:10I think this is that learning curve that everyone talks about.
14:13What are we supposed to do with a shit ton worth of product and no way to sell it?
14:17We need to make a splash.
14:19Find a way to get the word out.
14:22Oh.
14:23Way to throw a launch party.
14:25Here?
14:26Oh, Dixie, you'd do that for me?
14:28No, I would do it for me.
14:30I need the customers and you need the event space, so it's a ween-ween.
14:36You see, isn't this so much better and you can really feel like you have a fresh start?
14:45I don't know.
14:47I was with your mom for 20 years.
14:51How do you just pick up the pieces and move on?
14:55Isn't that what you were ready to do with Bob?
14:57No.
14:58It wasn't.
14:59I wanted to be with them both.
15:02That's why things got complicated.
15:04And now...
15:05Oh, look at me.
15:06Now I'm single.
15:07I'm 39.
15:08You're 45.
15:09What am I supposed to do?
15:11Just jump back in the dating pool?
15:13You could.
15:14What exactly are you?
15:15Gay?
15:16Bi?
15:17Pansexual?
15:18Polyamorous?
15:19I don't understand our designer.
15:20But all I know is I was happiest when I was with your mom and Bob.
15:26Yeah, but they don't want to be with you, so you need to find somebody who does want to be with you.
15:32You mean, I should find another couple?
15:35I'm...
15:36That's not what I'm trying to say.
15:37I mean, how would I go about that?
15:39Is there an app?
15:40Dad.
15:41Should I Google it?
15:42Do not.
15:43You will see things you cannot unsee.
15:44Whoa.
15:45Oh.
15:46Oh.
15:47Oh.
15:48Oh, is that Pastor Mike and Gail?
15:51Well, I guess a rectory is a rectory.
15:53So, you want me to download some of these?
15:55No, no.
15:56No.
15:57I don't know.
15:58I just...
15:59I'm not sure the online dating is for me.
16:01I like to meet people in person.
16:03Yeah, you're a real old-fashioned polyamorous guy.
16:05Well, maybe there's a bar for singles to meet couples or something.
16:10Oh.
16:11Look.
16:12Swinger Saturdays at Sloppy Sundays.
16:15Menage a Mingle in your comfort zone and at your own pace.
16:19I can get on board with that.
16:21Not dressed like that you can.
16:22What is wrong with my pocket square?
16:24That is a splash of color.
16:25It is a splash of please don't have sex with me.
16:28That is French.
16:30And now it's garbage.
16:31You're going back into the dating pool.
16:32You have to update your look.
16:34No.
16:36Lame.
16:37No.
16:38This.
16:39We've been at this for hours.
16:41There's got to be something on one of these lists that you've always wanted to try.
16:46Zumba?
16:47Lame.
16:48Hiking?
16:49Yawn.
16:50Meditation?
16:51Oh, how about roller derby?
16:53Like from that movie Whip It?
16:55Shut up.
16:56You love Drew Barrymore movies too?
16:57No.
16:58I like Ellen Page movies.
17:00Well, at least we found something we have in common.
17:02Okay.
17:03There is a beginner's flat track roller derby class tomorrow morning.
17:06It's called Fresh Meat.
17:07Ew.
17:08I'm signing us up.
17:09Get excited.
17:10What's my name?
17:11Get down there!
17:12I'm the real deal.
17:13That's my name.
17:14I'm the real deal.
17:16That's my name.
17:17Get down there!
17:18I'm the real deal.
17:19I'ma take a bow now, please don't wear it down.
17:22This is awesome.
17:23I feel just like Drew Barrymore.
17:25Me too.
17:26You scream right before she dies.
17:28Come on.
17:29This is totally safe.
17:39We're closing in on you.
17:43What kind of big sister will you be from jail?
17:48Hey.
17:49You okay?
17:52Mm-hmm.
17:53I am just loving the strong female energy in here.
17:57I thought this was supposed to be a beginner's flat.
18:02Maybe we should just watch this time and then come back tomorrow.
18:07No.
18:08Come on.
18:09No more waiting.
18:10Come on, baby.
18:11You got this.
18:12We're good.
18:13You're good.
18:14You're good.
18:15You're good.
18:16You're good.
18:17You're good.
18:18You're good.
18:19You're good.
18:20You're good.
18:21You're good.
18:22Yes!
18:23You're doing it!
18:24Woo!
18:25Here we go!
18:26Yay!
18:29Oh my...
18:30I'm so sorry.
18:31That's bad, huh?
18:32No!
18:33Oh, I'm so sorry.
18:34I am so sorry.
18:35I am so sorry.
18:36I really am sorry about yesterday.
18:37Oh, sweetie.
18:38Stop apologizing.
18:39It's fine.
18:40Plus, you helping me sit up for my party more than makes up for it.
18:41Have you spoken to your father?
18:42Yeah, I saw him yesterday.
18:43Did you know he was living out of his office?
18:44Oh!
18:45Behold!
18:46The tampini.
18:47The signature cocktail for our party.
18:48That's a Bloody Mary.
18:49That is disgusting, okay?
18:50No.
18:51This needs to be a high-class affair.
18:53I was thinking white linen.
18:55White seems a little dangerous for a period party.
18:58This is not a period party.
18:59We cannot brand it like that or no one.
19:01No.
19:02No.
19:03No.
19:04No.
19:05No.
19:06No.
19:07No.
19:08No.
19:09No.
19:10No.
19:11No.
19:12No.
19:13No.
19:14No.
19:15Seeing people plan it like that or no one will show up.
19:17We have to figure out a way to draw people in.
19:20You could have a contest.
19:21Oh, yes.
19:22Ooh.
19:23Best, most embarrassing period story.
19:25Yeah, but that's just there.
19:26Why does it have to be embarrassing?
19:28Right?
19:29I mean, why can't we just be proud of our bodies and all the amazing things that they can
19:34do?
19:35We should have a contest for the best period story.
19:38You know what I mean?
19:39Reclaim our narratives and take the stigma out of menstruation.
19:42menstruation take the men out of menstruation turn our periods into exclamation marks we have to make
19:50this a feminist event okay like a celebration of everything that unites us together as women well
19:58the two of you hated each other until tim puzzle no wait wait a minute he's got a point okay like
20:05you and I we come from totally different backgrounds we have different opinions we
20:09don't always get along all blood runs red that's it that's it that's our slogan oh oh I know right
20:16oh I have chills we should print them on napkins for the party like sanitary napkins nope nope we
20:22should put it on a poster we should put us on a poster wait hold that thought it's Bob hey Bob
20:29what you doing I'm officially running for mayor turned in my paperwork got my campaign headquarters
20:35set up I got this oh that's great congratulations wait why are there two of you oh I had a life-size
20:42cutout made for the campaign more me to go around oh you should come over and celebrate I got champagne
20:49it'll just be you and me and well me oh another three-way that's really sweet Bob but I can't we
20:55are planning our launch party for tampazle tampozzle get it in your head hey you're having a party why
21:02didn't you tell me I can help well don't you need to concentrate on your campaign hey maybe we
21:08can kill two birds with one stone
21:10oh
21:15sweat it out in the street
21:16oh
21:17oh
21:18oh
21:19oh
21:20oh
21:21oh
21:22oh
21:23oh
21:25oh
21:27oh
21:29oh
21:31oh
21:32oh
21:33oh
21:34oh
21:35oh
21:39oh
21:40I really am so sorry
21:41are you kidding this is magic I wish I'd get punched in the face like you I did maybe tomorrow
21:47I'll wake up and not magic okay like when I lost all of that weight so quickly I didn't
21:52have to do any of the work I know it's awesome no I mean on the insides look there are things
21:59There are things about me, things that I never dealt with,
22:02that I could use some freedom from,
22:04that I wish that I could change, but I can't.
22:07Yet there's still hope for you.
22:08Forget about the outsides.
22:09What is something that you wish you could change?
22:12I guess...
22:14I wish...
22:16I were brave.
22:19I want to be an actor, but, I mean, I hate being in front of people,
22:22and I'm too self-conscious.
22:23Okay, all right, this is good.
22:25Uh, we can sign up for an improv class.
22:27What is that?
22:33My boyfriend.
22:35What?
22:36Hey, Patty.
22:37Hey.
22:38Uh, who's your friend?
22:40Oh, Becky's, my little sister.
22:43You should bring her to the Tampuzle launch party.
22:45There's a contest.
22:46Whoever tells the best period story wins a month of free tacos.
22:49What's a Tampuzle?
22:50It's a tampon with a tassel on it.
22:52Great!
22:53We gotta keep this train moving!
22:55I gotta go.
22:56I'll see you later.
22:57Hmm?
22:58Bye.
22:59That's your boyfriend?
23:00See, your life is perfect.
23:02I think you should come to this party with me.
23:04It'll be the perfect opportunity for you, open mic, storytelling.
23:07No way.
23:08I mean, I'm already dying of embarrassment, and now you want me to tell a period story?
23:13That sounds like my biggest nightmare.
23:15Right.
23:16That's why you have to do it.
23:18If you can get through this, you'll be fearless.
23:20Trust me.
23:21It's gonna be great.
23:22First time a swing of Saturdays?
23:27I would take that as a yes.
23:29This is a speed dating style event.
23:31Couples are expected to remain seated while the guest stars rotate from table to table every five minutes.
23:36Guest stars?
23:37Single's looking for a couple to connect with.
23:40Oh.
23:41You know what they say.
23:42It's always best to be the guest star.
23:47Kissing is very important to me.
23:50And I'm very verbal.
23:52Translation?
23:53She never shuts up.
23:55If you're gonna be negative, go wait in the car.
23:58Oh, darn.
24:00It's time.
24:01Bye.
24:07This is so sad.
24:08I feel like I'm at one of my parents' parties.
24:11No offense.
24:12It was so much better when it was throuple Thursdays at TJI Fridays.
24:16We only come here ironically.
24:17And for the bean dip.
24:19It's free.
24:22Where is that mother-lovin' b-
24:25We like antiquing and scrapbooking.
24:28Uh, brunch.
24:29Oh, brunch is my first love.
24:33And while we do like to explore boundaries.
24:36Respecting limits, of course.
24:38The truth is, we're pretty normal.
24:41Normal.
24:44Oh, wow, okay.
24:46So, um, what are you doing here?
24:48Well, what we really want is to find someone we can get to know.
24:55Someone who might work out long term.
24:59And for the first time that night, I wanted to bang something other than that stupid.
25:08It was more than just animal attraction.
25:16Could there actually be a future for me without Bob and Cora Lee?
25:20No.
25:25So, what are you into?
25:27Because we're into role play.
25:29Oh, role play.
25:30Okay.
25:31Oh, that sounds good.
25:32Um, oh, how about, uh, you've been secretly in love with me since we were 14?
25:37And you are my wife who wants to sell specialty tampons and looks amazing in a floral print.
25:43Yeah, that's not exactly what we're talking about.
25:48What's your safe word?
25:49Mine is I'm gonna rip your fucking nipples off.
25:52What's your temporarily?
25:55Oh?
25:56What's your safe word?
25:57Oh?
25:58Oh, no, no, no.
26:00Mine is I'm gonna rip your fucking nipples off.
26:03Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:05Just hate words.
26:06That's eight words.
26:18Obviously, I was kidding myself.
26:20How could I move on when I clearly still had one foot in the past?
26:32Was this some sort of cosmic joke?
26:35The longer I held on to those divorce papers and that house key,
26:39the longer I was holding on to Bob and Cora Lee.
26:42I needed to get rid of them ASAP.
26:46We're just so excited to make this a safe feminist space
26:51where we can reclaim our narratives about our own bodies.
26:55I didn't know if Becky would actually get up and tell a story,
26:58but at least I'd convinced her to show up.
27:00And I'd managed not to binge all day.
27:02Maybe there was something to being of service after all.
27:06Hey, you guys came.
27:09Holy...
27:10Mom?
27:12What?
27:13My mom is here.
27:15Can you?
27:16Yeah, yeah, go.
27:17Oh, my baby.
27:22Oh, look at you.
27:24What the hell?
27:25I missed you so, so much.
27:27Where were you?
27:29And what happened to your boobs?
27:30Well, I went to Brazil to get discount plastic surgery.
27:33Two for the price of one, huh?
27:35They had to completely redo them
27:36because the first time it looked like my nips had a lazy eye.
27:39You could have called.
27:41You abandoned me on my birthday.
27:43No, baby, I was trying to protect you.
27:44From what?
27:45Thinking that you actually cared about me?
27:47From my old boyfriend, Gordy.
27:49I showed him to you on Facebook, remember?
27:51He was a really fucked up guy.
27:53I'll try not to take that personally.
27:55And I stole his car.
27:57So I was afraid he was going to come after me.
27:59And I figured, you know, the less you knew, the better.
28:02But we're safe now.
28:05I got a text from him.
28:06It's a suicide note.
28:08I knew it was safe to come home.
28:09And if he hadn't died, would you have just stayed away forever?
28:14I'm so sorry.
28:16I was doing the best I could.
28:18And I know it wasn't good enough.
28:21I do.
28:21So I'm going to try to be better.
28:23Starting right now.
28:24Really?
28:25There's something I should tell you about Gordy.
28:29I should have told you a long time ago, but I was just scared.
28:33Tell her you already know that she lied about not knowing who your father was.
28:37Tell her you're the reason I'm dead.
28:40Maybe Gordy might have been your dad.
28:43Wait, Gordy might have been my dad?
28:45Or he definitely was my dad?
28:48I was drinking a lot at the time.
28:51And so there's a possibility it was someone else.
28:55You know what?
28:56You were right.
28:57Your best definitely wasn't good enough.
29:00My mom was a bona fide disaster.
29:02But at least if Gordy wasn't my dad, I wasn't completely biologically screwed.
29:08Hey.
29:10Noni didn't need to know the details.
29:12Just that there was a guy in the morgue who might be my dad and that I needed to steal his DNA.
29:18You want to break into the morgue?
29:21Yeah.
29:21Except we just need to find a way to ditch my shadow.
29:29Maybe we don't have to.
29:31What I really want to do is CSI.
29:33I'm thinking a trip to the morgue?
29:35You could teach me how to take a DNA sample?
29:38Absolutely.
29:39Just not right now.
29:42Oh, because you're following Patty?
29:44Not that it's obvious.
29:46You know, I just, I see the signs because of my dad.
29:50But since we are going to be colleagues one day, we could practice working together.
29:54I'll convince her to come along.
29:57We were good to go.
29:59I just needed to convince Brick to watch Becky for half an hour.
30:02Hey, I was just looking for you.
30:03You're full of shit.
30:04Excuse me?
30:05I thought you said that changing the outside wouldn't make me happy.
30:08But Brick just told me you asked him out last year and he said no.
30:11Because you were fat.
30:12He said that?
30:13No, he said he just wasn't into you before.
30:16But I can read between the lines.
30:18Okay, getting the guy is so not the point.
30:21And it doesn't matter what I look like.
30:24My life is a total mess.
30:26Oh, yeah, sounds horrible.
30:28You're a beauty queen with a hot boyfriend.
30:29You're not listening.
30:31You want to know the truth?
30:31I am a murder suspect, okay?
30:34What?
30:35Yeah.
30:36Did you do it?
30:37Of course I didn't.
30:39They still have a police officer following me.
30:40Look, wave.
30:43I hate myself.
30:48And I just want to eat all the time.
30:50That's all I want to do.
30:51And the only reason I haven't is because I don't want to do it in front of you.
30:54And the highlight of my day was my shit show of mother telling me that the con artist,
31:00sex offender, douche nozzle who I thought was my dad actually might not be.
31:03And I'm going to go so he can get to the morgue to find out.
31:07So, yeah, you think you're afraid to face your fears?
31:10I'm terrified.
31:15I don't buy it.
31:17You're just trying to make me feel better.
31:18Do you think I just made all of that up?
31:20Get in the car.
31:31Before we continue our contest, I want to take a few minutes to thank some people who helped
31:37make this night possible.
31:39Dixie, I know I haven't always been the perfect mother.
31:46I ignored expiration dates and seatbelts.
31:51And I let you build forts with dry cleaning bags.
31:54But the worst thing I ever did was making you into a liar so many times.
32:01And I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to make that up to you.
32:05Start tonight.
32:10I forgive you, Mama.
32:11I love you, Dixie.
32:14Ow!
32:15Ow!
32:16Well, I'm sorry.
32:17Okay, no.
32:19Sorry, Mama.
32:19It's okay.
32:20Help, Mama.
32:21Go hug it out.
32:22Okay.
32:22Well, I'd like to thank some people, too, if I may.
32:26I would like to thank my son, Brick.
32:30I know no matter what, your future's going to be bright.
32:34Because you really are the best guy I know.
32:39I love him.
32:41You really are.
32:44Dan?
32:45What are you doing here?
32:46I thought you were supposed to be at the swingers thing.
32:48That did not go well.
32:51Sign the divorce papers.
32:52I'm here to give him to your mom and to give Bog back the key to his house.
32:56Now?
32:57You think that's a good idea?
32:58The sooner we get closure, the sooner we can all move on.
33:01Think of it as a conscious unthreppling.
33:05With Becky otherwise occupied and Officer Greg distracted,
33:08I could sneak away and look for the convict formerly known as my dad.
33:12And now, maybe most importantly, I want to thank my dearest friend, Bob Barnard.
33:24Thank you so much for getting the word out.
33:27This would not have been possible without you.
33:29Come on up here.
33:31Please welcome...
33:31Her dearest friend?
33:33Yes, thank you.
33:35Thank you so much.
33:36And don't forget to vote Bob Barnard for mail.
33:39Thanks, Coralie.
33:40Not just for the shout-out, but for your love and support.
33:44I wouldn't have made it through the last few weeks if it wasn't for her.
33:48You're more than just a friend.
33:49You're the grace to my will.
33:51My partner.
33:53My platonic soulmate.
33:54And if I win this election, I'm going to make you Masonville's very own first lady.
34:01What?
34:02Were they serious?
34:03They forced me to choose, and now they were a platonic power couple?
34:08Without me?
34:09No wonder it was so easy for them to move on.
34:12They had each other.
34:13Are you fucking kidding me?
34:18Bob?
34:19Bob?
34:19What are you doing?
34:20Oh, what are you doing?
34:22You know, I can't believe you.
34:23I am so tired of feeling like the bad guy when the two of you betrayed me.
34:30You told me you were willing to try it with Barnard.
34:33Really try.
34:35But then you pulled the rug out from under me the very next day.
34:38Bob?
34:39And you.
34:39I was perfectly happy in my marriage until you kissed me.
34:43And then you made me choose.
34:45The two of you want to act like I'm the one who ruined your lives
34:49when he's the one who threw the grenade in the middle of the relationship.
34:52And now look at you.
34:53I'm so happy making a life without me,
34:56and I'm the one left out in the cold.
35:02Screw this.
35:05And screw your will and grace, mayoral bullshit.
35:11I'm running for mayor, too.
35:13Dad, that was the most conscious unthruppling I have ever seen.
35:30If I wanted a fresh start, I sure had one now.
35:34I had burned my past to the ground.
35:42That was fucking awesome.
35:46Really?
35:47I want to help you run for mayor.
35:59I'm going to be your campaign manager.
36:01You?
36:01Yeah.
36:02Well, you helped Patty when I couldn't, so I'd like to return the favor.
36:07I don't know, Angie.
36:08I mean, no offense.
36:11You work in a Mexican-themed hot dog restaurant.
36:14I didn't always sling wieners, Bob.
36:19Before I got knocked up with Patty, I was class president.
36:23And I didn't even have to give out blowies to win.
36:26Come on.
36:29Let them be Will and Grace.
36:31We can be like Sid and Nancy, or Thelma and Louise, like, like Siegfried and Roy, like
36:38Mac and Cheese, or Lady and the Tramp, or...
36:41You're not going to get out of my car until I say yes, are you?
36:44No.
36:45All right.
36:47Yes, it is.
36:48Okay.
36:49Angie, what the fuck are those?
36:52I got a good deal on them.
36:54Did you?
36:55Two for one.
36:59There he was.
37:01Just the corpse I was looking for.
37:20Wow.
37:21I'm a horrible father, and I wouldn't even bring a kid here.
37:23You're the worst.
37:25What's wrong?
37:27I'm just so excited to be here.
37:30Um, hey, Officer Greg, could I try to take a DNA sample?
37:35I mean, YOLO, right?
37:38Let me find another swab.
37:40Is that your dad?
37:42Is that your dad?
37:44We're about to find out.
37:45Wow.
37:46Your life really is a mess.
37:51Well, it turned out, it wasn't me that leaped.
37:55It was my Hawaiian punch.
37:58Thank you so much for staying.
37:59I told you, we're in this together.
38:04Okay, so I ran across the street and picked up a Who's the Bastard Now quick DNA test.
38:08Does it think?
38:09I already ran your and Gordy's samples, so we should know in just a few minutes.
38:14Hey, where's Becky?
38:15Hi, I'm Becky, and I'm going to share my own period story.
38:25I'm 13 years old.
38:29I still haven't had mine yet.
38:31In fact, up until tonight, I hadn't done a lot of things.
38:36I hadn't been to a real party.
38:38I didn't have any real friends.
38:40I never had the courage to get up in front of a group of people.
38:43And I thought for any of that to happen, I had to look a certain way.
38:48But thanks to my big sister, Patti Bledel, I did all of those things tonight.
38:54And I feel really good about myself.
38:58I finally have a real story to share.
39:00And I'm not afraid to get up here and tell it.
39:04I'm living my life now.
39:07And for the first time, maybe ever, I feel happy.
39:13It looks like we have a winner, everybody.
39:24It's amazing.
39:25Oh, so strong.
39:27So strong.
39:27Where was Bob?
39:29I couldn't wait to tell him what happened.
39:32So what?
39:33Do you think this means you're not a terrible role model?
39:36Can't change the facts.
39:38You're still poison Patti.
39:39Go away.
39:45Patti.
39:46It's negative.
39:48Gordy's not your dad.
39:49But it didn't even matter anymore.
39:55There was good in me.
39:58Despite my DNA.
40:00Which meant, maybe I could have a fresh start afterward.
40:04I could burn my past to the ground and move on.
40:07Get back into recovery.
40:09Win state.
40:09Then Miss American Lady.
40:11Then who knows what I could do.
40:12So, explain this to me.
40:13Do you have to be black to get into Hughes?
40:15No, there's like 7% of people who aren't.
40:18Oh my God, look.
40:22When was I at Hughes?
40:25Wait.
40:26That was the outfit I was wearing when they found me.
40:32That's what she was wearing when I killed Christian.
40:34Which she may or may not have seen.
40:36Oh my God.
40:39It's a clue.
40:40Maybe those girls know what happened to you.
40:42I can help you.
40:43I'm really good at investigating.
40:46Ask Patti.
41:06It's a clue.
Be the first to comment