Leeds locals share their funniest joke

National World - LocalTV

With the ‘funniest joke award’ being scrapped at this year’s Edinburgh Festival Fringe, Leeds locals share their favourite jokes for our entertainment.

Transcript

00:00What do donkeys have for the lunch at Blackpool?

00:0520 minutes.

00:07There's a guy who loves pets and he's got a new pet and it's a centipede.

00:13And what he does, he trains the pet to do all these jobs around the house

00:16so he can do the dusting, the ironing, the cooking.

00:19He runs him a bath in the evening, all those sorts of things.

00:21And he thinks, right, one day I'm going to train him to do things outside the house.

00:25So he trains the centipede to go outside, to go down to the corner shop

00:29and get him a newspaper and a pint of milk.

00:32And so he says to the centipede one morning, right, now's your chance.

00:35You're going to go down to the corner shop, get a pint of milk and a newspaper.

00:38I'm going to go and have a bath.

00:39When I get up, I'm hoping that everything will be ready.

00:42So he goes and has his bath, comes downstairs and the centipede's still there.

00:45And he says, well, where's my pint of milk? Where's my newspaper?

00:48And the centipede says, give me a chance to get me shoes on.

00:52Why wasn't the spaghetti allowed in the building?

00:55It was an imposter.

00:56In a purple land, there was a purple dragon.

00:59And a purple knight, the dragon was terrorising the purple peasants in the purple land.

01:05The knight goes forth over the purple land, over a purple mountain,

01:10through a purple valley to duel with the purple dragon.

01:14They fight.

01:15He draws his purple sword.

01:17He stabs the purple dragon in his purple heart.

01:20And then he goes back to the village, through the purple valley,

01:23over the purple hill to the back to the village, purple village,

01:28to get a purple spade.

01:30He gets the purple spade, thinking he needs to bury the purple dragon.

01:34He goes back over the purple mountain, through the purple valley,

01:38to where the purple dragon's been slain.

01:40Big purple puddle of blood on the purple land, on the purple grass.

01:46He digs a massive purple hole.

01:50He picks up the purple dragon.

01:53Indigo.

01:53What did the traffic light say to the car?

01:57Don't look, I'm changing.

02:00There's a family of balloons all living together.

02:02There was mummy balloon and daddy balloon and a little boy balloon.

02:06And this particular evening, daddy balloon says to the little boy,

02:10he says, now tonight we need to get a good rest of sleep.

02:13And I don't want you to come into the bed with us waking us up.

02:18So would you please stay in your own bed?

02:21Yes, daddy, he says, I will, no problem.

02:23So they go to bed.

02:24Anyway, that evening, it's thunder and lightning

02:27and the little balloon's very frightened.

02:29So he decides to get into his bed with his parents.

02:33But when he gets there, they're a bit close together.

02:36So what he does, he undoes the little knot at the bottom.

02:40Let's a bit of air around.

02:41Undoes his mummy's knot at the bottom.

02:43Let's a bit of air out.

02:45Undoes his own knot.

02:46Let's a bit of air out and gets inside.

02:48Anyway, next morning, his father's fuming.

02:51He says, I asked you not to come in here.

02:53Do you know what you've done?

02:54Do you know what you've done?

02:55You've let me down.

02:57You've let your mother down.

02:58And most of all, you've let yourself down.

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