- hace 7 meses
El Nerd le echa un vistazo a "Final Fight Revenge" y "Final Fight: Streetwise", dos juegos ampliamente considerados como los peores de la franquicia "Final Fight".
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00:54If you've ever been to an arcade, you've probably played Capcom's premiere brawler, Final Fight.
01:00It's a downright classic. Choosing your favorite character and then laying waste to the dregs of Metro City was a rite of passage for all those who had stepped into the hollowed halls of the local video arcade.
01:12While today, Capcom is more known for its overabundance of Street Fighter and Resident Evil sequels, back then, they were revolutionizing the beat-em-up genre.
01:21They took what Double Dragon and Renegade had started and sought to improve and innovate.
01:26While Bimmy and Jimmy were basically just pallet swaps, Guy, Cody, and Hagar were three unique fighters with different movesets and styles.
01:35The gameplay was satisfying, the sound of the hits was bone-rattling, and the music was simply badass.
01:42Also, what other game lets you play as a hulking, pro-rasslin' mayor beating his own citizens into submission?
01:49The answer is Final Goddamn Fight.
01:53Of course, contrary to the name, it wasn't the FINAL Final Fight. There were sequels and spin-offs out the ass.
02:01Many members of the Final Fight cast would even go on to become mainstays in the Street Fighter franchise.
02:07Guy and Cody appeared back in the Alpha series, along with Sodom and Relento.
02:12Later on, others such as Andor, also known as Hugo, Poison, and Abigail would square up in the iconic Torment Fighter.
02:20So what in the holy name of shit happened to Final Fight? Capcom jizzes out tons of Street Fighters and Resident Evils all the time, but why aren't we getting any new Final Fight games?
02:30Was it actually Final? I mean, even Streets of Rage, a game that was meant to be a competitor to Final Fight, is actually still going strong with a fourth title just released.
02:39Well, here I have the two Final Fight games that any fan of Final Fight will tell you fuck the franchise into oblivion.
02:46They were released just over six years apart, and were created by the same developer, Capcom USA, also known as Capcom Studio 8.
02:54So here we have Final Fight Revenge for the Sega Saturn, and Final Fight Streetwise for PlayStation 2.
03:00We'll start with Final Fight Revenge. Now, you'll notice by the jewel case that this is a Japan-only release.
03:07So it comes in a regular CD jewel case, instead of the gargantuan American Saturn case.
03:13The great thing about the Saturn is you don't need to mod it to play Japanese games. All you need is one of these things. An action replay.
03:20Now, I know the review is about Final Fight games, but bear with me a minute. I gotta talk about this graphic design.
03:26The box pissed me off so much I had to research fonts. The sticker on the actual cartridge itself is using Bauhaus MDBT,
03:34but the logo on the box is Ariel Black, and on the bottom, they use Algerian.
03:39But that's not all. When you turn this son of a bitch over, they commit the ultimate graphic design sin.
03:45They used motherfucking Comic Sans. At least it's not Papyrus. Or Papyrus Sans.
03:52Oh, make it stop! It's hideous! I don't even wanna look at it anymore! I'd rather huff a doggy bag full of bison turds!
04:00And I'm talking M. Bison. Okay, let's play the game.
04:08Final Fight Revenge is the only game in the series that's an actual tournament fighter, probably because it's real lousy.
04:14The game just has a stiff and almost unresponsive feel at times, especially compared to any of the Street Fighter games.
04:20Honestly, this one ranks down there with Street Fighter the movie, the game. And I'm talking the arcade version.
04:26That being said, the game is actually pretty cool if you're a fan of the Final Fight series.
04:30It's got most of the characters from the game, only missing a couple bosses and minor enemies.
04:35The graphics are colorful and vibrant, and the gameplay itself is interesting.
04:40You're already dead.
04:43It focuses less on the technical side, and more on all-out brawling.
04:47Levels are littered with weapons you can pick up and use against your opponent, like guns, knives, pipes, and even bazookas.
04:53It took me a minute to figure out how to pick them up, though. But with a little practice, I was actually kicking ass.
04:59Now, I'm no expert when it comes to fighting games, but maybe that's what I enjoy about this.
05:04It's silly and fun while still offering a challenge. But you wanna see some weird shit, don't you?
05:09Check this out.
05:11The special moves are some of the weirdest I've seen in a fighting game.
05:15Even the ones that make sense are still really weird. Guy hits you with an explosion, then the perspective changes,
05:21and he whips shurikens at the opponent while they try to run away.
05:24I've never seen something like this before in a tournament fighter, where the perspective shifts to behind the player?
05:30It's used a lot, too. Relento chases you down with a helicopter, and Eddie E turns into a police car and tries to run you down.
05:38Haggard's took me a good minute to figure out. I had no idea what the hell was happening at first.
05:44Haggard just hugs the air, and nothing happens.
05:47It turns out that it only works if your enemy does a jump kick towards you!
05:52Like I said, I'm not an expert in fighting games. Sometimes I have trouble pulling off a Hadouken.
06:00But this is like two Hadoukens in a row, then kick, and your enemy has to be jump kicking.
06:07Oh, and don't get me started on Haggard's second special move, because you have to rotate the D-pad in a 360 motion twice!
06:16He might as well not even have a special!
06:19The one special move that makes absolutely no sense to me is poisons.
06:23She blows a kiss at you, which then causes a bunch of pictures to flash on the screen.
06:28They're all really suggestive photos of her, too.
06:31She's licking a popsicle, posing all sexy and shit. I don't get how this would hurt you.
06:36I mean, I understand shooting shurikens at someone or chasing them down in an attack helicopter,
06:42but how the fuck is blowing a kiss, then flashing sexy pictures supposed to hurt someone?
06:47Also, if you pull this attack off as the final blow, she dances on a stripper pole.
06:52Again, how does this hurt?
06:54You basically just battle your way through every fighter until you get to Belger or Belger or whatever,
06:59the final boss from the original final fight.
07:01Only this time, he stopped living and became a crazy mixed-up zombie.
07:05He can stretch out like Dawson and even lose limbs as you're fighting him.
07:09It's by far the weirdest thing up until this point.
07:12That is, until the credits, when he does the fucking thriller dance. Yeah.
07:18So that's Final Fight Revenge.
07:20Uh, overall, it makes my bowels bubble.
07:23I mean, not spray diarrhea or anything like that, just, uh, you know, wet fart. Eh.
07:27This game's pretty rare and fetches a pretty high price, and it's honestly just not worth it to me.
07:32You'd either have to be a Final Fight mega-fan to pay money for this,
07:36or be somebody who's addicted to buying shit and have no concept in the value of money.
07:42You'd have to be a total loser.
07:44Thanks, Matt McMuscles, for sending me your copy.
07:47Oh, here we go. Time for Final Fight Streetwise, the final nail in Final Fight's coffin. Finally.
08:00So, here's a question for you.
08:02Did you ever drink a bunch of blue Powerade and then take a bright green shit?
08:06If so, that's basically this game's entire color palette.
08:09Everywhere you look are shades of shit, barf, and piss.
08:12Everything is covered in a dense fog like somebody wiped their ass all over the camera lens.
08:18I honestly can't tell if you're supposed to be in Metro City or Purgatory.
08:22It reminds me of Spawn the Eternal for the PlayStation, and doesn't really look that much better.
08:27And mind you, this game came out in 2006!
08:30That's right! Take a long look at this, and realize this game came out the same year the PS3 debuted.
08:38The gameplay is a mixture of running around aimlessly, mashing buttons, and trying to suppress the burning urge to turn the PS2 off and chuck it through your neighbor's window.
08:48You play as a guy named Kyle, who's the roided-up douchebag brother of Cody from the original Final Fight.
08:54Pretty much what happens is, your brother Cody gets kidnapped by a guy named The Stiff, and you have to get him back.
09:00On the way, you have to complete fetch quests, and play a bunch of stupid minigames.
09:05These offer you money, which you can use to buy new moves, but all they really do is grind the game to a halt.
09:11You can play the world's most boring game of darts, three-card Monty, and even a shooting gallery with rubber ducks that make chicken noises for some reason.
09:20One of the most frequent minigames is destroying cars.
09:25This is kind of like an homage to the minigame in the original Final Fight and Street Fighter 2, but it happens a lot.
09:31What's wrong with these people?
09:33I mean, imagine walking down the street and all of a sudden somebody comes up to you and says,
09:37Hey, I'll give you 200 bucks to destroy this person's car.
09:41That'd be pretty awesome, actually.
09:43The game tries insanely hard to be edgy at every possible second.
09:48There's a sign here for blue ball video.
09:51Come get some!
09:52Oh man, if I played this back when I was 15, I'm sure I'd have given that a chuckle.
09:57But I've matured since then and moved on.
09:59To shit jokes.
10:01Also, check out this billboard for Slipknot.
10:03It's kind of random, but fucking awesome.
10:06The game is filled with sexual references that age like fine heavy cream behind a radiator.
10:12Especially when you get to the porn theater.
10:14I tried running around punching the dude sitting in the theater, but it didn't work, unfortunately.
10:19Imagine that!
10:20Watching a porn movie with your half-chub and a dude runs over and clocks you in the fucking jaw.
10:25Uncool, man!
10:26Another weird thing about this theater is the music.
10:29It was driving me insane because I could have sworn I heard it somewhere.
10:33Then I realized, it's all made with Apple garage band music loops.
10:38Just listen.
10:42Also, when you interrogate the boss here, the music is the same as the ending theme to America's
10:53Court with Judge Kevin Ross.
10:55Don't ask me how I know that.
11:10The game boils down to run here, talk to that guy, run there, fight that guy, run back here,
11:16talk to and fight that guy, and then fight a boss, rinse and repeat.
11:20It's monotonous and gives me some serious Life of Black Tiger vibes.
11:24Eventually, you start fighting zombies or some shit, and get to meet up with former mayor Mike Hagar, like three hours into the game.
11:31Which is cool, I guess.
11:33Honestly, if it weren't for him showing up, I think I would have forgotten I was playing a Final Fight game.
11:39I can see why this was the final Final Fight.
11:42So here I'm gonna help this cop find some gunrunners or some shit.
11:45I find the first guy, give him a good stabbin', and the game crashed.
11:50Eh, whatever, I'll just reset and load my game.
12:04It didn't autosave?
12:08Silly me.
12:09I mean, why would I assume that?
12:11I mean, a game that came out in 2006 when Xbox 360, Wii, and PS3 were all already out?
12:18I mean, why would I assume that this game would autosave?
12:22Excuse me for just one minute.
12:33Hola?
12:41Hey, es este la Angry Video Game Nerd?
12:44Ya, ¿quién es este?
12:45Matt McMuscles.
12:47No, no me pedí ni musculos.
12:49¿Quién es este?
12:50El el quien le has ido la Final Fight Revenga de en Portland.
12:53Mábró, ¿no lo has ido la Final Fight Revenga de en Portland?
12:57Agreed a disagree.
12:58So, judging by the shifting tectonic activity in my area and the loud echoing of FUCK we heard
13:04throughout Canada, I'm guessing you assumed Final Fight Streetwise would not lie to you
13:10about its save feature.
13:12Not only does it NOT autosave, it only saves after certain missions have been finished.
13:17It's a whole stupid thing.
13:19You lost all your progress, right?
13:21Sure did.
13:22Wow, Matt, you hit the nail on the head.
13:25If only I knew some magnum dong loser who played this game an ungodly amount of times and could
13:30fill me in on anything I missed that would be worth mentioning.
13:34Well, lucky for you, I'm a magnum dong loser.
13:38Let me break it down for ya.
13:39After meeting up with Mayor Mustache and killing the Stiff, Kyle eventually finds his way to
13:44Guy, who is now the crime boss who runs Metro City's Japantown.
13:49He sicks a crazy tattoo artist on you, whose ass you kick, and then everyone just becomes
13:55friends.
13:56Meanwhile, other criminals from Italian Town decide to burn down Guy's house, with you
14:01in it.
14:02It's a horrible escape mission with a time limit that doesn't fuck around.
14:06After that, some generic edgelord called Blade starts pestering you, cause he's the new
14:12bad guy, I guess.
14:13And then suddenly, Cody appears, remember him, who's now become a drug zombie, because he
14:18injected himself with the T-Virus from Resident Evil.
14:21Also seems like Blades is not the new bad guy, but is instead working for the only priest
14:27Metro City has.
14:29You then kill Blades, only for the Stiff to show up again, who's now a weird monster that
14:34eats rats.
14:35See, Kyle finds a secret umbrella lab deep underground, where someone is resurrecting all the defeated
14:41bosses.
14:42So you'll fight Zombie Monster Blades again!
14:45The porn theater guy shows back up, and they're all named after the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
14:51Because subtlety.
14:52Also, don't forget this ten tub of fuck right here.
14:55Gross.
14:56While that shit is happening, the city is being ripped apart by all the other drug zombies,
15:01and Haggard doesn't even care anymore, he just leaves the game by this point.
15:06So, it's up to Kyle to have the frustrating and tedious final fight against two bosses,
15:14at the same time, on top of a church, and it's the worst thing ever.
15:19Well, thanks, Matt.
15:21I'll always remember you.
15:22Great.
15:23Uh, so, hey, do you, like, need my address so you can ship my game back or something?
15:29It's really ex-
15:29Well, that settles it.
15:32Alright, first one to get fucked up is Final Fight Streetwise.
15:36And since it's written in a graffiti font, let's do it graffiti style.
15:40And I'll even use the game's own barf shit piss palette.
16:02And you, Final Fight Revenge, I will spare you a spray painting, and instead condemn you
16:19to a long and drawn out process of Sega Saturn disc rot.
16:24You will forever be placed in a dark corner in the nerd room, where the chemicals in your
16:28plastic degrade, and you slowly wither.
16:31Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
16:33Ha ha ha ha ha!
16:35I will be placed in a small part of the packaging as well, but it's in a small part of the
16:38gem.
16:39I'll just buy anything, please.
16:41Bye.
16:42Bye.
16:43Bye.
16:44Bye.
16:45Bye.
16:46Bye.
16:47Bye.
16:48Bye.
16:49Bye.
16:54Bye.
16:55Bye.
16:56Bye.
16:57Bye.
16:59Bye.
17:01Bye.
17:03Bye.
17:04Bye.
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