- hace 3 meses
Sintiendo que no ha reseñado un juego de Super Nintendo desde hace tiempo, el Nerd reseña "Dennis the Menace" y ahonda brevemente en la historia mediática del personaje.
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00:30In my opinion, the Super Nintendo has the best library of any game console.
00:35Super Metroid, Mega Man X, Castlevania IV, Sim City, Pilotwings, F-Zero, Final Fantasy III, Chrono Trigger, Donkey Kong Country, Mario World, Mario RPG, Mario Kart, Zelda Link to the Past, Earth Pound.
00:44You just can't top it.
00:45So, it had a lot of good games.
00:47But if you dig deep enough, if you sniff hard for that diarrhea dookie, you'll find rare, putrid, shit-crusted gems such as Wizard of Oz or Lester the Unlikable.
00:57And if you really want to get down to it, Hong Kong 97.
01:01But that doesn't really count because it was just a ROM for the Super Famicom only, and it wasn't even really much of a game at all.
01:08So, it's been a while since I dedicated a full episode to a Super Nintendo game.
01:13So, let's break out Dennis the Motherfucking Menace to South Central while drinking your juice in the hood.
01:20It was based on the 1993 movie, Dennis the Menace, which was based on the 86 cartoon series, which was based on the 59 sitcom, which was based on the 51 comic strip that by some total coincidence came out the same exact day as another comic titled Dennis the Menace in the UK, which later became known as Dennis the Menace and Nasher, just to offer some distinction.
01:43Such as, this game is shitty diarrhea, while this game is shitty diarrhea and puke.
01:49I mean, I gotta admit, I never knew Dennis had a British twin.
01:52Two comics, both about a troublesome boy, both debuting the same day, and if you're from the UK, you'll call the one that I'm talking about the other Dennis the Menace and vice versa.
02:03So, it's like two separate fucking dimensions.
02:06Yeah, two dimensions separate by an ocean.
02:08And speaking of ocean, the game was created by ocean, the same fucknuts who brought you Robocop 2 and Adam's family on NES.
02:17Jeez, of course it was them.
02:19They're like the British version of LJN.
02:21Oh, and because of this whole British versus American Dennis the Menace thing, the PAL version of the game is simply titled Dennis without the Menace.
02:28But even with the name confusion, both Dennis's led to their fair share of TV series and movies, but I'll always best remember the 86 Dennis the Menace cartoon show.
02:38And from what I saw, the characters seemed to peak in popularity around the time the 93 film came out, which was one of several films about mischievous young boys riding the wave of Home Alone.
02:50It was all about traps, pranks, and toy weapons.
02:53When you look at the evolution of action movies, beginning with westerns, you'll notice how the main choice of weapon always changes.
02:59In the 50s and 60s, it was all about rifles, in the late 70s and 80s, it was lasers, but as soon as the 90s hit, it was slingshots and squirt guns.
03:11Alright, let's start this garbage up.
03:13You notice how I already declared it garbage before the reviewing begins?
03:17Yeah, that means we already hit bottom.
03:19Our face is already in the toilet bowl, and the only direction now is to force our way down into the septic tank.
03:27I'm just saying, it's gonna suck.
03:29Please expect no positivity.
03:33Hey Mr. Wilson!
03:36The first thing you need to do when you turn this game on is go to the options and give yourself nine lives.
03:42You're gonna need them because this game is hard as fossilized dinosaur dick.
03:46It's a non-stop shitstorm.
03:49Everything you see wants you dead.
03:51It's filled to max capacity with enemies and hazards.
03:54I usually can't make it 10 seconds without getting hit.
03:57Traditionally, the character Dennis keeps annoying his neighbor, Mr. Wilson, even though Dennis means well, he always ends up causing huge problems for Mr. Wilson.
04:05He was like the original Steve Urkel, and in that same regard, it seems the game is just as troublesome to the player.
04:12So they got that right.
04:13The first level has you running through the hallways of Mr. Wilson's house.
04:17Now, the halls just keep going on and on.
04:20If this was a real house, it would take up an entire block, but only be about 10 feet wide.
04:25Imagine living next door to this monstrosity.
04:28Also, does Mr. Wilson's house have some kind of poltergeist?
04:31An infinite amount of records are flying off the record player?
04:34Teacups, bowling balls, boxing gloves, and even suppositories try to kill you.
04:39He also owns a million purple cats.
04:42The Tiger King's got nothing on him.
04:44His attic is infested with spiders and these creepy-ass bats that look like they have human faces.
04:49And his main concern is Dennis?
04:51Why hasn't this poor guy moved out by now?
04:54Move out of this haunted, fucked-up house!
04:57And not just move out, but call the vacuum cleaner guy from Breaking Bad to hide his identity.
05:02Start a new life!
05:03And considering how many platforms, extra beds, cabinets, and needless household objects,
05:08I haven't seen a single bathroom.
05:11The weapons suck.
05:12You start off with a squirt gun that doesn't do diddly dick.
05:15Sometimes it freezes enemies for a second, but most of the time, it does absolutely nothing.
05:20At least it's better than the cane in Jekyll and Hyde, which does worse than nothing.
05:23It gets you dangerously close to enemies, or even riles them up to attack you.
05:28So while the squirt gun does nothing, at least it's better than negative nothing.
05:31And that's a positive way to look at it, right?
05:33Well, the negative side to that is there's no such thing as negative nothing.
05:37Am I sure about that?
05:38I'm positive.
05:39You grab a slingshot at the beginning, but it also sucks.
05:42It shoots like two feet in front of you and hits the ground.
05:45There's also a pea shooter in the basement.
05:47That's the weapon you want, but it's a massive hike to get it.
05:50The path to it requires some serious pinpoint platforming accuracy.
05:54If you mess up, you have to run all the way back and start over.
05:58They made sure the path you need to be on is the most convoluted, out-of-the-way path possible.
06:03And it doesn't help that there's a million things trying to kill you at every step.
06:08So I'm just running around and-
06:09HOLY SHIT!
06:11It's Mr. Wilson himself.
06:13Out-of-nowhere comes this freaky, giant Walter Matthau who charges at you and takes you away.
06:20If he catches you, it's instant death.
06:23That's right.
06:24Mr. Wilson finally did it.
06:26He killed Dennis the Menace.
06:29So who's the real menace?
06:31Can you look more menacing, man?
06:32I gotta say, this is the type of game where you play the first level, run around like
06:39an idiot, finding doors you can't open, things you can't jump on, items and platforms you
06:43can't reach and get so stressed out, you give up and turn the game off.
06:47Yeah, it's one of those.
06:49For the longest time, I couldn't even figure out what to do.
06:52Well, it turns out the object of the game is to collect four coins and find the end.
06:56That doesn't sound hard, but trust me, it is.
07:00Every level is a sprawling labyrinth and there's no indication of where the coins actually are.
07:05You just have to run around aimlessly for what feels like an eternity.
07:08It's like trying to find pieces of broken glass in an Olympic-sized swimming pool.
07:12And needless to say, the reward is rather painful.
07:16Sometimes you can even see a coin, but have no idea how the fuck to get it.
07:20Everything in the level looks the same and all the enemies respawn,
07:23so it's hard to know if I ran through that area already.
07:26Most of the time, I'm running in circles and have absolutely no idea.
07:30Oh, and of course, there's a time limit and it ends up being the biggest antagonist in the whole game.
07:35You have 999 seconds, which ends up being a little over 15 minutes.
07:39But if you die, the timer doesn't reset.
07:42No.
07:43And if that reaches zero, you lose all your lives and have to continue.
07:48This really blows ass because you have to start the entire level over.
07:51All your progress is gone and 15 plus minutes of your life wasted.
07:55Each stage is split into four or more levels, so it takes roughly an hour to complete one stage.
08:01If you continue and have to start over, it could take even longer.
08:05Most of the time, I forget where the hell I went to find the coins,
08:08so I end up having to scour the entire level again.
08:11It's such a tedious process that I honestly can't understand how anyone would find this fun.
08:16The park stage is six levels long.
08:19You have four regular levels and two auto-scrolling levels.
08:22Fuck these auto-scrolling levels.
08:25These are a nightmare.
08:27If you make one mistake, one mistake, you're done for.
08:32Enemies are everywhere.
08:34There's squirrels launching nuts, invincible owls, birds, bouncing balls, and swinging sacks.
08:40While dodging all this shit, you also have to make sure the dog stays close because you need it to make certain jumps.
08:46If you fuck up in any way, you have to start the entire thing over,
08:51and like everything else, these levels go on forever.
08:55The feeling of getting far into the level only to lose is maddening.
09:00This level goes on for about five minutes, and that's if you don't die.
09:04If you do die, it could go on 20 minutes or more.
09:06Now think about that.
09:08This is only the third level in the game, and I've been playing for 45 minutes.
09:12This game has over 20 levels.
09:13I'm not joking.
09:15The level design is an asshole-ish anomaly of astrological proportions.
09:20Whoever is responsible for it obviously hates anyone who plays video games.
09:25There is absolutely no reason a game based on Dennis the Menace should be this hard.
09:30Fuck Contra Ninja Gaiden, Dennis the Menace makes those games look easy.
09:34It's like they didn't want anyone to play it.
09:36It has no purpose except for sadistic shit-seekers like myself.
09:40Even after you beat this, there's no comfort because you still have to play through four more levels in the park stage.
09:46The music just drones on and on, and it's permanently burned into my memory.
09:52Each level ends with a boss fight that requires no skill, just the patience of a fucking saint.
09:57The first boss is this deranged girl on a swing, just when I thought things couldn't get any freakier.
10:03I mean, look at her face!
10:05She has this exaggerated Ren and Stimpy style expression.
10:09You just have to keep shooting her while dodging a mouse and an acorn.
10:13And when you beat her, she flies off and dies.
10:16Now, all that freakiness aside, this was just a regular girl swinging on a swing.
10:20Dennis the Menace.
10:21More like Dennis the Murderer.
10:23Oh, Mr. Wilson!
10:25What do you want?
10:36That kid is a pain in the ass!
10:38The boss fights are all pretty much the same, shooting something while dodging shit.
10:43The bosses take a ton of hits to kill, and every time you hit them, they're invincible for a few seconds.
10:48So, it just eats up more of your time.
10:50After the park stage, you go to the boiler.
10:52There's acid dripping out of pipes and steam shooting everywhere.
10:56There's also these little fire people walking around that are invincible.
10:59Your slingshot and peashooter don't do a thing to them.
11:02And I know what you're thinking.
11:03This is the perfect time to use the water gun.
11:05Water to put out fire? Well, that would make sense, right?
11:09But of course, it doesn't do shit.
11:11Just freezes them.
11:13This just baffles the shit out of me, and really coils up my colon.
11:16Why the fuck would the water gun not hurt the fire people?
11:20There's no reason to even have it.
11:22There's no reason for anything in this game.
11:24It's just bullshit meant to frustrate and confuse you.
11:27The platforming really starts to rear its ugly head here.
11:30Every level is a maze of pipes leading up and all around, and it's never clear where you have to go.
11:34If you miss a jump, be prepared to have to run through the entire level again.
11:40It's like the game was designed by a spoiled brat that wants nothing more than to piss you off.
11:45Dennis the Menace himself probably designed this.
11:47Every time I think this game can't possibly get any harder, the difficulty ramps it up to insane degrees.
11:53After the boiler is the sewer.
11:55Of course, right?
11:56It's like a shitty game design requirement to have a sewer level.
11:59I've played a lot of sewer levels in my time, but nothing in all my years of gaming could prepare me for the sewer level in Dennis the Menace.
12:08First off, when the fuck did this even happen in the movie?
12:11I'll admit, I haven't seen every episode of the cartoon, the sitcom, or read every panel of the comic strip,
12:18but I really don't remember ever seeing Dennis running around a sewer filled with shit snot and demonic heads barfing out water.
12:26There's even Ninja Turtles.
12:27I'm not kidding.
12:28Dennis the Menace is fighting Ninja Turtles in the sewer.
12:32I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.
12:35The first two sewer levels aren't even that hard.
12:37It kind of tricks you into thinking the worst is behind you.
12:39It isn't until Sewer 3 where the game really turns up the diarrhea dial and makes you wish for oblivion.
12:46The entire level is a platforming piss shower.
12:49Most of the level is just a pit with tiny platforms and enemies scattered all over.
12:54There's even green shit bubbles that pop after a few seconds, so you have to time your jumps precisely.
12:59Sometimes the bubbles won't spawn no matter what you do, so you just have to jump and hope there's something there to catch you.
13:05I spent my last two continues on this part, and when I saw that game over screen, I wanted to put my goddamn fist through the TV.
13:13I felt emotions.
13:15I didn't even know existed here.
13:17Anger and rage on a level that normal human beings should never have to feel.
13:21I've had times where I was so close to shedding tears of rage.
13:25Two hours of my life down the fucking shitter.
13:29Literally, the shitter.
13:30For the life of me.
13:31I just couldn't beat this level.
13:32And of course, I starred the game back up and had to get all the way back.
13:37Honestly, I hate to say it, but I was going to resort to cheat codes, but there aren't any cheat codes.
13:42I was hoping for a level skip code, just so I could start where I left off, but no.
13:47I had to run through Mr. Wilson's house again, the park, the boiler room, and the goddamn shit-smeared sewers again.
13:54I also tried to look up a walkthrough, because by this time I couldn't remember where in the fuck hell all the coins were, but the only walkthrough I found stops at the third park level.
14:04I was able to get to this point without using a single continue, and I knew what to expect here.
14:12It's weird to admit, but after playing this game for so long, my skills were heightened to the point of gaming godhood.
14:19But then, I hit Sewer 4, and it was like I ran into a brick wall at full speed.
14:24I died over 25 times on this level alone.
14:27Everything that I complained about in the last level is ramped up to 11.
14:31The entire level is platforming and fucking fish everywhere.
14:36Every time I get an inch further, I die and have to go back.
14:39It's a constant cycle of jumping, panicking, and dying.
14:42This level itself is a circle of hell meant only for the worst of sinners.
14:47Eventually, I beat it, but at what cost?
14:50I was exhausted, and I just spent the entire day playing Dennis the Menace on Super Nintendo.
14:55The boss fight is a giant fish with disappearing platforms.
14:58I lost all my continues by this point, and when I finished the fight, I only had 6 lives left.
15:04And the worst part is I still had a whopping 5 levels to go.
15:08I got to the 2nd level in the woods, which is just another tree level like the park, and lost the last of my lives.
15:15I've been playing for almost 3 hours, 20 levels, and I got a game over.
15:22Hey Mr. Wilson!
15:25Well, that's it. I just can't take it anymore.
15:27I got to see how this piece of shit ends.
15:30Earlier, I looked up walkthroughs, but not gameplay.
15:33I found some screenshots.
15:35Oh! Look who it is! Christopher fucking Lloyd, looking like he's from the cover of Mad Magazine.
15:40He was the bad guy in the movie, Switchblade Sam.
15:42But I don't remember him tying Dennis' friends to a damn tree.
15:46First time I'm hearing about that shit.
15:48The game doesn't start with any goddamn story.
15:50I'm not restarting this shitty game just to see suckbitch Sam roll by in a fucking wheelbarrel, while some pixelated asshole stare at me under credits.
15:59This game sucks my ass with the shop vac.
16:04It rivals torture devices like the rack, the pendulum, and the iron fucking maiden.
16:08If I ever have to play this shit again, I'll cut my fucking hands off.
16:11I'd rather be waterboarded with week-old diarrhea.
16:15I'd rather deliberately give myself splinters on my scrotum and then tear them out with my teeth.
16:19I'd rather snort a line of piss-caked cat litter than ever let this game soil my Super Nintendo again.
16:26Fuck every single thing about this game, and fuck everyone who made it.
16:31Fuck everyone who played it, too, like myself.
16:33Dennis the Menace? More like Den-ass the Men-ass!
16:38Hey, Mr. Wilson, you fuck!
17:08You're good.
17:09I'm good.
17:10I'm good.
17:11You're good.
17:12I'm good.
17:13I'm good.
17:14You're good.
17:15I am good.
17:16You're good.
17:17All right.
17:19Well, I'm good.
17:20Well, I'm good.
17:21I'm good.
17:22I am good.
17:23You're good.
17:25It's a fun average.
17:27People are just an amazing job.
17:29You're good.
17:30All right.
17:31I'm good.
17:32You're so good.
17:33You're good.
17:34You're my most of my stuff.
17:35How do you do this?
17:36That's a fun, man.
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