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FunTranscript
00:00Good afternoon, I'm Brian Panade, and these are the news.
00:08Day 4 of the Mad Nanny Crisis.
00:11Officials have identified the so-called Mad Nanny as 54-year-old Miriam Brunch,
00:16an employee of the highly regarded Miss Muffet Babysitting Agency.
00:20The city continues to be terrorized by this rampaging domestic,
00:23who only moments ago destroyed Earl McBain's old-time toy and memorabilia shop.
00:28Mr. McBain was heard to ask, quote,
00:30what kind of nanny would do this, unquote.
00:41Mrs. Brunch, don't do this to yourself!
00:44Miriam! I know there's a sensitive child care professional in there somewhere!
01:01Any sign of her, Arthur?
01:03Not from here, Tick.
01:04That nefarious nanny has managed to elude us so far.
01:09But she's as good as in our heroic grasp.
01:13Because look what came in the mail today!
01:15It's the Fiend Finder tracking device, Arthur!
01:18I ordered it from the back of Leotard Legends Monthly.
01:21Oh, I told you before, Tick.
01:23Those things are a complete waste of...
01:25Quiet, chum!
01:26I'm trying to locate the proper frequency.
01:28Uh, Tick, I think you have to stick this thing on here first.
01:34Like this.
01:36Wait a minute.
01:37You're saying we have to find the Fiend before we can use the Fiend Finder?
01:42What a rip-off!
01:44Tick!
01:45There she is!
01:51Heavens, Arthur?
01:52She's headed for the diner!
01:53Come on!
01:54Come on!
01:58Mad nanny!
02:08If you harm a hair on this greasy spoon's head,
02:11you'll have the Tick to answer to!
02:17You can't do that to the Tick!
02:21Oh, I...
02:23Lady, you just toasted the best BLT joint in the Tri-State area!
02:38Prepare to pick up the tab!
02:46Unhand me, tractor-woman!
02:48Ouch!
02:49You're in a lot of trouble, lady!
03:01Tick!
03:02Tick!
03:08Check, please.
03:13Ah, what happened?
03:16Help!
03:17Somebody help!
03:18The Tick's been kidnapped!
03:28I want out!
03:30Iron Maiden!
03:47Don't make me!
03:49Nogahyde!
03:50Hey!
03:51Oh, this stuff really is tougher than leather!
03:57Oh, for crying out loud!
04:09So, at last!
04:11The Tick!
04:12My arch-enemy sits helpless before me!
04:15Arch-enemy?
04:16You must be joking, Charles!
04:18I mean, I don't like you and everything,
04:19but if I ever do have an arch-enemy,
04:21it's not going to be some creepy little brat with a glass head!
04:25Yes!
04:26Well, when I get done with you,
04:28you'll know what creepy is!
04:31And then she just turned into a rocket!
04:33And blasted off with him!
04:35Ooh, bad luck!
04:37Well, I wish I could help,
04:39but I've got an appointment with my...
04:40Cancel it!
04:41Definitely should go get him!
04:42Yeah, definitely!
04:43Of course, don't know where to look.
04:45Very bad.
04:46Well, maybe we do.
04:48Anyone got any AA batteries?
04:50Charles!
04:51Charles!
04:52I thought we worked all this out!
04:54Weren't you supposed to outgrow your evil ways?
04:57Ha!
04:59Look!
05:00If you let me go right now,
05:02I might consider not telling your parents!
05:05They're not here, Tick!
05:06It's just you and me.
05:08They think I'm a bad influence.
05:12So as soon as they left,
05:14I turned my babysitter into a
05:16mindless cyborg engine of terror!
05:21You know, Charles,
05:23sometimes when I'm feeling like a raving ding-dong,
05:26I find a nice chamomile tea.
05:30Shut up!
05:31You know why I turned her into a cyborg engine of terror?
05:34Do you?
05:35Uh, was it a pathetic cry for help?
05:40Ha, ha, ha!
05:42Wrong!
05:43I did it so I could lure you into my clutches!
05:46So I could wreak my vengeance
05:48for the humiliation I suffered at your hands!
05:51They made me take dancing lessons!
05:53You brought that on yourself,
05:54little mister!
05:58Any last words?
05:59Charles, I suggest you give up this foolishness
06:03before it goes down on your permanent record!
06:06You know, you're almost as stupid as you look.
06:15What the...
06:17How does it feel to be reduced
06:25to the size of my dad's
06:26third-place bowling trophy?
06:29Oh, a shrinking ray!
06:31Never seen that before!
06:33Oh, yeah?
06:34Well, have you seen this one?
06:36Of course, the mouse-mobile comes loaded with options.
06:53Electric windows, 8-track, and cassette.
06:55Now, we want to stay on a south-by-southeast heading.
07:01Yeah, yeah.
07:01Oh, and this button over here
07:03inflates the pontoons!
07:05Doesn't this thing go any faster?
07:08I've made better time in funeral processions.
07:10Faster?
07:12Strap in, sweetie.
07:13This mouse is about to roar.
07:17Hmm.
07:19Let's see.
07:20What should I do next?
07:22Return us to normal and let us go?
07:24Oh, yeah, yeah!
07:26Interesting idea.
07:27But no!
07:29Normal?
07:30Ha!
07:31Whoever got anywhere by being normal,
07:33he should be thanking me
07:35for what I'm about to do.
07:42Okay, Charles.
07:43Nice touch.
07:44I think you've made your point.
07:46Not quite, Tick.
07:48Now, you're a tiny, two-headed bluebird
07:55who can only speak high school French.
08:00Je l'appelle le Tick.
08:01J'ai une grande flume et deux têtes.
08:09Sorry.
08:10This should only take a minute.
08:12Pardon us if we don't wait.
08:14Stop that car!
08:17There you go.
08:19That'll be your special place from now on.
08:22And if you're very good,
08:24I might even feed you.
08:27Ue, la tourie, felt!
08:28You make me laugh.
08:30I bet a lot of people would like
08:32a little pet bird like you.
08:34Hey, meet your new neighbors.
08:37This used to be my gym class,
08:39but I turned them into earwigs.
08:41That one, coach, bustle.
08:43Climb the rope!
08:44Climb the rope!
08:47Je ne vais pas si bien!
08:53Oh!
08:54Ah!
08:56A baby!
09:01Allo?
09:03Salut!
09:04Comment vas-tu?
09:06Ta va bien?
09:07What?
09:08No, I don't understand.
09:10Speak up.
09:12Yes, that's the address.
09:14What?
09:15Listen, it's cash only, okay?
09:17Bidding starts at eight.
09:18Bye!
09:27Yes?
09:29Mr. Chippendale?
09:30Hi.
09:31You don't know me,
09:32but I have something
09:33I think you'll be interested in.
09:35I've got a fix on him.
09:37He's nearby.
09:39Okay, citizen.
09:40Let us off.
09:43Ah!
09:43Ah!
09:48Ah!
09:49There was something suspicious
09:51about those guys.
09:52What are you talking about?
09:53They were cool.
09:54They laughed at all my jokes.
09:56Come on, guys.
09:57The signal seems to be coming from this way.
10:06Chair face, Chippendale, and Chrome Dome.
10:09Aw, very bad, very bad.
10:12And look, the Idea Men.
10:15Where do they keep getting those blimps?
10:18Wait a second.
10:19I recognize that house.
10:21Come on.
10:26Marvelous.
10:27What a sadism.
10:29Ah, well, I don't know.
10:35When I was your age, kid,
10:37we didn't have all this
10:38high-tech hocus-pocus.
10:40See, if you were really evil,
10:48you'd just walk up to a guy
10:49and smack him in the head.
10:51Ahem.
10:52Ah, hello.
10:57Gentlemen.
10:59Gentlemen.
11:01Gentlemen.
11:04I just want to say
11:05that there's not one of you
11:07who I didn't idolize in my infancy.
11:09But now I have surpassed you all
11:11by achieving what none of you could.
11:14Gentlemen, I give you
11:15the Tick.
11:18That's not the Tick, you idiot.
11:22Yeah, a Tick's not a bird.
11:24He's a, what do you call it,
11:25a man, right?
11:27I, I think so.
11:28Je ne suis pas un animal.
11:31Je suis un homme.
11:33He certainly doesn't speak French.
11:36I'm blowing this clam bake.
11:38Hey, what do you call it?
11:39Let's go, wait.
11:41Oh, so you don't believe me, huh?
11:44Okay, everyone.
11:53Watch the birdie.
11:56You'll never get away with...
11:57Jec-use!
12:05The bidding begins in five minutes.
12:07Ah, my chance at last.
12:17I've always wanted to own the Tick.
12:20Not so fast, Chairface.
12:23Unless you think you can compete
12:25with the National Treasury of Pocoponesia.
12:28Wow.
12:29That must be the greatest agglomeration
12:31of evil ever assembled.
12:33And that little brat's going to sell
12:35the Tick to the highest bidder.
12:37We've got to get in there and stop him.
12:39I wonder how much the Tick is worth
12:40in the open market.
12:42Field mouse.
12:43Definitely need a plan.
12:44Yeah, of course, definitely planless.
12:46Hmm.
12:47It just might work.
12:55What do you think?
12:56Ooh, I'm terrified.
12:58I can't believe you expect us
12:59to pass ourselves off as supervillains.
13:01I mean, I, of course, am a master of disguise.
13:04But he, on the other hand, looks like a dink.
13:08Ah, what's going on?
13:09Somebody got a bucket on my head.
13:11It's our only chance to play your mouse.
13:13You two have got to get in there
13:15and stall them for as long as you can.
13:17You got it?
13:18Yeah, of course, no problem.
13:23Just let me do the talking.
13:26Who are you?
13:28I am the Rake.
13:29And this is, uh, Buckethead.
13:33Ah, Buckethead.
13:34Oh, yeah, that's me.
13:35I never heard of you.
13:37Oh, well, we're from Ohio.
13:40Well, okay, as long as you brought your wallets.
13:43Buckethead, Buckethead.
13:48Yeah, I knew a Sockethead once, back in Muncie.
13:52Any relation?
13:53Oh, no, definitely not.
13:54We're all buckets.
13:55Definitely buckets in my family.
13:57Ahem.
13:58Now, who will begin the bidding?
14:01I bid $16.
14:02Gentlemen, please.
14:05We're talking about the tick, the city's premier superhero.
14:08It's not like I'm trying to unload the Flader Mouse here.
14:11Nah, unload the Flader Mouse.
14:13Yeah, very funny.
14:15$17.
14:17No, no, we can't just rescue the tick.
14:19We need to get that device to change him back.
14:22Good point.
14:23So I'll sneak in, hook the line to the device, and you'll fly it out with the blimp.
14:26That's your plan?
14:28Yeah.
14:29Then in the commotion, you grab the tick.
14:32$1 million.
14:331.5.
14:35$1.9 million.
14:37$2 million.
14:39And 24 cents.
14:41$2 million and...
14:4225 cents.
14:4425 cents.
14:4426 cents.
14:4627.
14:4728 cents.
14:4829 cents.
14:50$2 million and...
14:52$4.
14:54Oh.
14:55Oh.
14:56Uh, good.
14:58Oh.
14:59Bad.
15:00$3 million for...
15:02Oh, that's a lot of pineapples.
15:05Oh, gotta know when to fold them.
15:07Too rich for my blood.
15:08Uh, $10 million and...
15:11$4.
15:12Sold to the man with a...
15:13a rake on his head.
15:15Oh, thank you.
15:16Thank you very much.
15:19Whoa!
15:21Arthur!
15:22Sorry.
15:23Sorry.
15:24Sorry.
15:24Sorry.
15:24Okay, here's the $4.
15:39And I have to give you the rest on an I.O.U.
15:42What?
15:43You don't have it?
15:44Oh, no.
15:45I said something about...
15:46Oh, gosh.
15:48I said something about...
16:14Come on, you can't shoot it!
16:40Come on!
16:44Thanks, chum!
17:02Give me that!
17:06Where am I?
17:08Your fun is finished, vicious little dweeb!
17:11I don't think so!
17:14You remember, Skippy?
17:20Well, guess what?
17:21I had him fixed!
17:29Now that's enough of that!
17:35Bad!
17:36I wonder if Charles missed this at all.
17:49Oh, great!
17:51My parents!
17:52Yeah, I'm putting it on him!
18:08Charles?
18:09I believe your boy has a lot of explaining to do.
18:14Indeed he does.
18:15Now I know what all those notes from school have been about.
18:19You're not really misunderstood at all, are you, Charles?
18:24Well, no.
18:27I'm sorry, Mom, but I'm going to have to deliver this monster to the proper authorities.
18:31And not for dancing lessons.
18:34That's the worst babysitting job I've ever had.
18:46I'm sorry for all your trouble, ma'am.
18:48Now, uh, what do we owe you?
18:50Well, evil has been rousted and the babysitter's been paid.
18:54Come, heroes.
18:55Our work here is done.
18:57You know, even though today was the worst day of my life, I learned many things.
19:07First, the world looks a lot different when you're six inches tall and covered with feathers.
19:13Second, two heads are definitely not better than one.
19:18And finally, you can lay an egg and still feel like a man.
19:23Oh, no!
19:24My baby!
19:27Ha, ha, ha, ha!
19:29Whoa-ho-ho!
19:33Ooh, chocolate.
19:36Anybody want some?
19:38Aw, no, no, no.
19:39You're disgusting.
19:40Aw, no, no.