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FunTranscript
00:01Hey!
00:03You got evil in this town
00:06So bad!
00:09But if you're smart you won't be there for them to kick around
00:14Chasin' your tail like a little lost puppy
00:17No place for guilt till they swingin' on a star
00:23You got evil in this town
00:25So bad!
00:26That's why the heroes are around
00:28Put out a call for a hero
00:30Heroes was filmed entirely on location
00:32with the cooperation of members of the superhero community
00:37Yeah, the first patrol's usually pretty quiet
00:40Your average villain prefers the cover of night
00:42You get the occasional evil morning person
00:45but rarely before 7
00:47I don't know why that is
00:48By 7.30, 8 o'clock, evil is wide awake
00:52But we're even wider
00:54We've been up since 6.30!
00:58Hello, TV Land!
01:00I love this show, I watch it every week
01:04I'm sure millions of viewers are out there just wondering what it's like to wear the tights of justice
01:10Well, it's tingly
01:12It's uncomfortable
01:14But it gets the job done
01:16And oh, the job of it!
01:19Uh, Tick
01:21Maybe we should get out there
01:22Good
01:23Arthur informs me with his watch
01:25That evil will wait not a second longer
01:27The word go defines us now
01:30Everybody, into the pool!
01:33Ha!
01:35Ha!
01:36Ha!
01:37Ha!
01:38Ha!
01:39Ha!
01:40Ha!
01:41Ha!
01:42Ha!
01:43Ha!
01:44Ha!
01:45Ha!
01:46Ha!
01:47Ha!
01:48Close call, huh?
01:49Here's a little tip
01:50Leap before you look
01:52Challenging roof ahead
01:56Hey!
01:58Ha!
01:59Oh!
02:00Hi Hi, hat!
02:01Ho!
02:02Doooook!
02:03Brrrrr!
02:04Brrrr!
02:05Brwarrrr!
02:06Brrrrr!
02:07Gah!
02:08yell!
02:10Hey!
02:13You OK back there?
02:14Okay, back there!
02:18Ah, feeling a little better?
02:22Good!
02:23Hey, ever seen a secret superhero headquarters before?
02:27I thought not!
02:30Come on over here, you'll like this.
02:35Yes, here's Arthur's TV set.
02:37We get a lot of special crime information out of this baby.
02:41Usually around 6 o'clock and then again at 11.
02:47Over here, we'll be installing the big crime computer.
02:51Oh, and we'll put our early warning perimeter defense system right over there.
02:55Probably have to take out a wall for that one.
02:59And you see up there, the whole roof will slide away whenever we do this.
03:03And get this, soon we'll be able to eject the entire kitchen from the building.
03:13Next time Evil tries to catch us with our pants down, they'll get a face full of kitchen!
03:19Being a superhero sidekick?
03:22Hmm.
03:23Well, I don't know.
03:24I guess what I find most rewarding are the personal relationships one forms in this business.
03:29Arthur, did you throw away the secret message cannon?
03:35The crime-fighting vehicle is an important part of the superhero patrol.
03:41Ours is equipped with many devices crucial in the war against villainy.
03:45Show them the horn, Arthur.
03:47No.
03:48The dashboard compass guides us always by true magnetic north.
03:53The horn, Arthur.
03:54The horn.
03:56Convenient and essential, the map light.
03:59Come on, Arthur, please.
04:02Oh, and look.
04:03Moist towelettes.
04:08Arthur!
04:09Hawk, if you love justice!
04:11Over.
04:12All right, all right.
04:16Hey.
04:17Hey, you're not sleeping back there, are you?
04:21What?
04:22Who are you?
04:23Like a moist towelette?
04:25No.
04:26Is something happening up there yet?
04:27Nope.
04:29Still pretty quiet.
04:31What we got on our hands now is what we call a lull.
04:39Normally, the lulls don't bunch up like this.
04:42Now, what is that?
04:48Ha-ha!
04:49Let the dance begin!
04:52Ha-ha-ha-ha!
04:54Soon, the people of the city will see only by the light of evil.
04:59So commands the deadly bulb.
05:02Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
05:03Looks like we got us a live one.
05:05Behold the power of the deadly bulb!
05:09Deadly bulb!
05:10Deadly bulb!
05:11Remember the name?
05:13That's me.
05:14The deadly bulb!
05:15Deadly bulb?
05:17You face the sworn protector of the city.
05:20You face the dick!
05:23Meaningless, blue worm!
05:29Prepare for the new dark age!
05:32The deadly bulb reigns supreme!
05:35The deadly butt!
05:37Ha!
05:37My beautiful balloon!
05:39Oh, no!
05:40Look out!
05:41Get out of the way!
05:42This is not happening!
05:51This is not happening!
05:53Deadly bulb!
05:54I'm about to write you a reality check!
05:57Ha!
05:58Or would you prefer the cold, hard cache of truth?
06:01Ha!
06:02Ha!
06:02Ha!
06:03Ha!
06:03Ha!
06:03Ha!
06:03Ha!
06:04Ha!
06:04Ha!
06:04Ha!
06:04Ha!
06:04Say, what do you got down there?
06:07Can't see?
06:08Need a little light?
06:10Ha!
06:10Ha!
06:10Ha!
06:11Ha!
06:11Ha!
06:12Ha!
06:12Ha!
06:12Ha!
06:12Ha!
06:12Ha!
06:12Ha!
06:13Ha!
06:13Ha!
06:13Ha!
06:13Ha!
06:13Ha!
06:14Ha!
06:15Ha!
06:15Excuse me, Mr. Bulba, we're shooting an episode of Heroes, and I was wondering if you-
06:19Heroes?
06:19I love that show.
06:21Yeah, if you would mind signing a release form for us.
06:24Yee!
06:24Yee!
06:25Yee!
06:25Can't see!
06:26It's just a formality for the guys in Legal, so we can use you on the show.
06:30Certainly.
06:31How many fingers holding up?
06:35Looks like...
06:36Nine!
06:38Aha!
06:39Sight, old friend!
06:41I knew you wouldn't abandon me!
06:42I knew you were going to be for long?
06:43No!
06:44Where's that bump guy?
06:45No!
06:46Tick!
06:47No, no!
06:48Not that way!
06:49I'd rather not put down my address, if that's...
06:51Oh, that's fine.
06:52Thank you so much.
06:53The tick won't stay blinded for long, pig-leg!
06:55We'd better...
06:56Ah!
06:57Ah!
06:58Did I call you that?
06:59I'm sorry.
07:00Ha, ha, ha!
07:01Deadly Bulb!
07:02You're the Deadly Bulb!
07:03Of course!
07:04Ha, ha, ha!
07:05What?
07:06Detach the balloon and start the engine!
07:10This is our big exit.
07:12Remember, it's the Deadly Bulb!
07:18Deadly Bulb!
07:19You wretch!
07:20I have you now!
07:21Ow!
07:22Ow!
07:23Ow!
07:24Ow!
07:25Tick!
07:26Quit it!
07:27Let him go!
07:36Feeling a little better?
07:38Sorry about that mishap back there.
07:40You know, I'd just gotten blinded and you were the first warm body I found.
07:44Yeah.
07:45Uh, listen, Tick.
07:47I called the office and I had them bring this over.
07:49It's a head-mounted remote camera.
07:51We usually use it for chimpanzees, but I want you to have it.
07:55Oh!
07:57Whoa!
07:59Keen!
08:01The Tick Cam!
08:05Arthur!
08:06Arthur!
08:07Eat that pie!
08:08Go ahead, eat it, lads!
08:09Show them how you chew!
08:11Tick, please get out of my face.
08:18Ah, here you go.
08:19Uh, my resume and, uh, recent headshot.
08:22Ah, listen.
08:23I heard the Tick roughed you up a bit and I just wanted to say...
08:28I work with my cameraman.
08:30Anytime you want to ride with me in the Mousemobile, just give me a buzz.
08:36Who are you?
08:39Now, you take a guy like, um...
08:41Well, like the Deadly Bulb, okay?
08:43He's obviously unstable, a menace to society.
08:46And we just destroyed some very expensive equipment of his tonight, so...
08:50You know, I think we can expect to see him again probably really soon.
08:54Yeah.
08:55Of course, you know I'm definitely an excellent superhero.
08:59Incredible!
09:02Ugh, Tick.
09:03You've got mashed potato all over your lens.
09:06Ah, the same thing used to happen with the chimps.
09:09I've got a hundred million viewers strapped to my head.
09:12Let's patrol!
09:14Move!
09:15Move!
09:16Move!
09:17Move!
09:18Move!
09:19Move!
09:20Move!
09:21Move!
09:22Move!
09:23Move!
09:24Move!
09:25Move!
09:26Move!
09:27Move!
09:28Move!
09:29Not me!
09:31How bad do you see me?
09:32Uh-uh.
09:33Just hold on a second...
09:35okay we got picture I'm on I'm on hello America welcome back to heroes if you've
09:45just tuned in I the deadly bulb have literally stolen the show quiet down
09:54there we've got a fabulous lineup for you tonight we'll do more than just sing
10:00the wings of the city's most famous sidekick but first let me introduce my
10:05evil minions what socket say hi to America huh okay that was some excellent ability at
10:13the diner boss you know this new deadly bulb thing should really do the trick yeah
10:18yeah it's great nobody will be talking about that pig anymore
10:20minions say bull do you think we could talk about what you've got going on down there
10:30no I got a bad case of camera chief some TV hero letting the villain steal Arthur and the camera
10:43we've still got millions of viewers right here folks this might seem like a dire situation but
10:52from a professional point of view having your sidekick who's proven himself in the field time
10:57and time again and who happens to be your best friend in the whole wide world patient and kind
11:04lets you sleep on his couch without paying rent there's always good crunchy cereal in his pantry
11:10and he's oh so tidy well when he gets kidnapped well that's just plain awful we gotta save Arthur
11:19come on show us the whole story the viewers have a right to know what socket get that camera out of
11:27here
11:42it's always been a difficult thing for me to talk about I mean when one of your legs is a pig people can't help saying oh there's a pig there
11:54there's a pig there
11:58and that really starts to hurt after a while
12:13perhaps I'm just overtired
12:16socket get me another bulb and what more mud for my leg
12:21what's that stuff over there
12:24oh that rubbish
12:26oh you know somebody gives you one for your birthday and then people drop by and they assume you like that kind of thing
12:34lately though all my new friends are giving me lightbulb related gifts
12:39yeah so what was your evil plan
12:43what was your evil plan
12:44what it was
12:45what it was
12:46oh no my friend
12:47what
12:48it
12:49is
12:50sure I shared a moment of vulnerability with an entire nation but that that's over now
12:55all my life people have called me
12:57pig leg
12:59yes
13:00but
13:01when I destroy the city's most powerful superhero on national television
13:06everyone will know me only as
13:09the deadly bulb
13:11ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
13:16thanks for joining us once again I am the deadly bulb
13:19and we're about ready to get started
13:22started to lure a superhero to his doom you need irresistible bait that's what
13:33sidekicks are for okay well let's flip it soon the tick will be mine fly like a
13:49moth after years of superhero training you start to notice that a lot of these villains kind of
14:00have a motif going in fact i'll bet my bottom dollar that that four-story light bulb there
14:07has something to do with the deadly bulb plus that's arthur tick tick let's go i'll meet you
14:16at the top right we're off this is what we villains call the denouement that's french for when we finish
14:27off the superheroes this is what we heroes call the denouement that's french for when we finish
14:33off the super villains roof pig most unexpected oh good you finally made it well come on
14:45hey tv guy still got the tick cam working great oh boy whoa what'd you do stepping a pig
15:02never mind the leg forget the leg meet me now in the field of battle right on pig leg
15:10now the tick is being processed and prepared for his doom let's go take a look
15:19the tick should be in position any moment now
15:32you'll never get away with this you i hate to disagree but the tick has just been turned
15:44into the largest and most powerful life fulfillment the world has ever known
15:50so warm so bright itchy all over i'm twinkling i'm twinkling
16:01right now one billion watts of pure electricity are coursing through our blue friend i'd say he's
16:10got about oh five minutes before he burns out i'm a blazing furnace of light etched into the
16:16firmament i got me a celestial body now you know it's ridiculous really i mean they can build a light
16:24bulb that will last for 60 years but the ones you get in the hardware store what socket stop her
16:30hotter brighter i'm a fiery new sun
16:40don't you do it eat this
16:46no leg no
16:48hang on arthur
16:55huh the universe is over and my solar life had just begun
17:00i gotta find a new place to shine
17:04oh boy
17:13oh leg sweet leg without you i would have gone right over that edge
17:28come to think of it flat nose pudgy leg you've been my only friend all these dark long years
17:36oh yo what about what me we've been doing all your stuff
17:40employees don't count give me that blueberry blintz
17:43this is the end of the light bulb game for me
17:47from now on i'm i'm no longer the deadly bulb
17:51i will proudly call myself
17:55pig leg
17:57happy me i'm the biggest brightest ball of gas in the cosmos
18:04oh look a little lumpy white planet
18:07dick are you okay
18:10oh it's a chatty misshapen thing devoid of life
18:14but i will breathe my warmth upon it
18:16pig leg
18:29any evil plans we can look forward to
18:32from this point on i will dedicate my life to making my leg as happy as it can be
18:39all right keep it moving
18:44thanks american maid
18:50well folks there you have it
18:52a day in the life of a superhero and his sidekick
18:56it's a very long day
18:58the tights are uncomfortable
19:00i think we covered that before
19:02map light convenient and essential
19:04a lot of working with villain motifs
19:06crime has a bossa nova beat
19:09leap before you look
19:10remember denouement
19:12other french words inconvenience not essentiel
19:16oh i could go on and on and on but time's a wasting and evil's out there
19:21making handcrafted mischief for the swap meet of villainy
19:25and you can't strike a good deal with evil
19:28no matter how much you haggle
19:30we don't need to look for a bargain
19:32goodness is cheap
19:33because it's free
19:34and free is as cheap as it gets
19:37cut
19:38you got evil in this town
19:40what was that pig all about
19:42and you got it
19:44buddy
19:44you got it
19:45you got it
20:01you got it
20:01you got it
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