- 2 days ago
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00:00:00Derek! Your breakfast has been on the table for the last 15 minutes!
00:00:10Isn't that nice?
00:00:11Yes, thank you.
00:00:13I was talking to Damien.
00:00:18Next time you do the shopping, buy the ketchup in a glass bottle.
00:00:23And another thing, Albert, will you please stop boiling your old vests and pants out on our cooker?
00:00:28It's almost the 21st century and we have washing machines for that sort of thing.
00:00:32Look, Raquel, why are you angry at me? I'm not the one who's been coming home late every night.
00:00:37I'm always here in the flat.
00:00:38Yes, aren't you just?
00:00:43Good morning, lad.
00:00:45Morning.
00:00:46Oh, it's bloody too.
00:00:49Hello, champ.
00:00:50Hey, good morning.
00:00:51How are you this morning?
00:00:52This looks really good, this, doesn't it?
00:00:54You're in trouble, son.
00:00:56Raquel's on the ballpark.
00:00:57Oh, she don't frighten me, Albert.
00:00:59I've handled much more violent women than her.
00:01:02Oh!
00:01:04Good morning, sweetheart.
00:01:06Any calls for me last night, was there?
00:01:08I haven't a clue. I went to bed early.
00:01:10Why don't you get yourself an answering machine, Derek?
00:01:12Answering machine. Good idea, darling, yes?
00:01:14Just what the business needs is an answer phone.
00:01:17Especially seeing you're too exhausted to do it these days.
00:01:20I tell you what, Damien's getting a bit big for that high chair.
00:01:23Look at him, he'll be starting work soon.
00:01:25There's nothing wrong with a high chair.
00:01:26Exactly.
00:01:27No, that isn't very good, Nick.
00:01:29I might get a few quid for that.
00:01:31I think I've put an ad in the local newsagents.
00:01:34What time did you get in last night?
00:01:36Really?
00:01:36Oh, about quarter past twelve.
00:01:40It was twenty to two.
00:01:41Was it?
00:01:42Oh, I mean, the battery's going in this watch, look.
00:01:45So, where were you?
00:01:48Um, I went down the Nags Head, had a swift half, and then I had to go and meet someone in the, um, casino.
00:01:58Oh, that's a relief. For a minute there I was worried you might be squandering our money.
00:02:02How much you'll win, son?
00:02:03Shut up!
00:02:04Don't be silly, Al, but Del doesn't know what winning is.
00:02:08Eat your breakfast, Del.
00:02:10I thought you said all this fried stuff was bad for me veins.
00:02:13Eat your breakfast, Del.
00:02:15She's not happy, son.
00:02:19Well, she's a woman, isn't she?
00:02:22Anyway, takes me mind off me tooth.
00:02:25I don't know.
00:02:26What were you and poor, Rodney?
00:02:28He started to look ashen-faced, didn't he?
00:02:30Hmm.
00:02:31Does look a bit cream-crackered of late.
00:02:34Don't worry.
00:02:35I'll have a word with him.
00:02:36I usually manage to sort out his problems.
00:02:38Psst!
00:02:39Psst!
00:02:42Psst!
00:02:42Come on.
00:02:46PHONE RINGS
00:02:46Hello?
00:02:50Cassandra, it's Raquel.
00:02:51Can you talk?
00:02:53Rodney's not there, is he?
00:02:54No, he's left for work.
00:02:55I just phoned to see what the doctor said last night.
00:02:57Oh, she was ever so nice.
00:02:59Basically, she said not to worry.
00:03:01She's got three couples on her books who've been trying for babies for over a year.
00:03:05So Rodney and I are almost rookies.
00:03:07I've got to take my temperature hourly,
00:03:08keep a chart,
00:03:09you know, usual stuff.
00:03:11Oh, and she's given me some exercises
00:03:12that are supposed to strengthen the muscles.
00:03:14Have you abandoned that, um,
00:03:16schedule thing she worked out for you?
00:03:18I don't know how either of you keep up the pace.
00:03:20It sounded excessive for Mel Gibson and his wife,
00:03:22let alone you and Rodney.
00:03:24No, I've decided to continue with that.
00:03:26I know it hasn't worked,
00:03:27but Rodney's enjoyed himself trying.
00:03:31All right, Rodney?
00:03:33Yeah, all right, mate.
00:03:34What's you looking up to?
00:03:36You look like some vampire's been having a go at you.
00:03:38I don't follow that up very much.
00:03:41You weren't involved in that riot on your stake the other night, were you?
00:03:44No, I was not.
00:03:45As if I'd get involved in a riot.
00:03:47You don't look well.
00:03:49You look shagged out, don't you, lad?
00:03:54There's nothing wrong with me, all right?
00:03:56Raquel, you haven't mentioned this baby business to Del, have you?
00:04:01Of course not.
00:04:02Rodney thinks we ought to choose the right time to tell him.
00:04:05Oh, I'll leave it to you.
00:04:06How are things with you and Del?
00:04:09Much the same.
00:04:10He didn't get in till 22 this morning.
00:04:12Why don't you ask Rodney to find out what's happening?
00:04:15Because I'm a bit frightened of what the answer might be.
00:04:17I think the first flush of fatherhood and domesticity is called,
00:04:20and he's gone back to his old ways.
00:04:22Down at pubs and casino with his stupid mates.
00:04:25We'll have to go.
00:04:25Someone's coming.
00:04:26Talk to you soon.
00:04:27Bye.
00:04:29He's dropped a load of beans on the carpet.
00:04:32Well, why don't you wipe them up?
00:04:33Me?
00:04:34No, let the old git wipe them up himself.
00:04:36Oh, I love it.
00:04:38Yeah, have you spoken to Cassandra recently?
00:04:43No.
00:04:44Well, when you do,
00:04:45you'll find out if there's anything wrong between her and Rodgers.
00:04:48Don't go interfering in their lives, Del.
00:04:50What?
00:04:50He's my young brother.
00:04:51I've got a right to interfere.
00:04:53If they've got a problem, I just want to help out.
00:04:55Oh, God.
00:04:56That is the best yet.
00:04:59Come on, time for your wash.
00:05:03You, Albert.
00:05:06If you're doing this to annoy me,
00:05:07it's not working.
00:05:13Makes you wonder whether it's all worthwhile,
00:05:14doesn't it, honk, eh?
00:05:15Yeah, if you say so, son.
00:05:17I do say so.
00:05:21Lucky old sod.
00:05:23I picked this up at a library yesterday.
00:05:26Relate.
00:05:27It's the new word for marriage guidance.
00:05:29I didn't know if it'd be any good to you.
00:05:32Oh, thanks very much, honk.
00:05:33Actually, it's just the sort of thing I'm looking for, this.
00:05:37I'm just going to go and make a private phone call.
00:05:43I'm just going to go and make a private phone call.
00:05:44I'm just going to go and make a private phone call.
00:06:14Oh, hello, Cassandra.
00:06:17It's Del Boy.
00:06:17How are you, sweetheart?
00:06:18I'm fine, thanks.
00:06:19Oh, Custy.
00:06:22Look, Cassandra,
00:06:23I don't want to interfere or anything like that,
00:06:25but I'm a little bit worried about young Rodders.
00:06:28He's, well, he seems to be a bit worried, you know.
00:06:30He's not his old self,
00:06:31and I just wondered if there was anything I could do to help.
00:06:32Look, if you must know, Del,
00:06:35Rodney and I are trying for a baby.
00:06:45Yeah, all right, I'll get off the phone then.
00:06:47No, not right now.
00:06:53Rodney's not even here.
00:06:55He left half an hour ago.
00:06:58Mum, he left half an hour ago,
00:06:59and you're still panting?
00:07:00I'm in the middle of my exercises.
00:07:06Oh, your exercise?
00:07:07Oh, I see what you mean.
00:07:08I thought that you...
00:07:09Well, never mind what I thought.
00:07:11But, um, look,
00:07:12I can't help you
00:07:14unless you let me know what is happening.
00:07:17Oh, God.
00:07:19All right?
00:07:20Yeah.
00:07:21Where is everyone?
00:07:23Oh, Raquel's seeing the Littlin
00:07:24and Del's in the kitchen
00:07:25making a private phone call.
00:07:27They too.
00:07:28I think it's the marriage guidance people.
00:07:30Him and Raquel aren't married.
00:07:32I know, but they're rad, don't they?
00:07:34I'll make you a new pot of tea, sir.
00:07:36Oh, yes, yes.
00:07:38No, you see, the thing is,
00:07:39you know, that a man...
00:07:41Well, a man, you know, any man,
00:07:42can, in fact, you know, lose his drive.
00:07:48Rodney hasn't lost his drive.
00:07:50No, no, no, no, no.
00:07:51I'm not saying that is happening.
00:07:52No.
00:07:53What I'm saying is that a man, you know,
00:07:55a man, any man,
00:07:57can, well, you know,
00:07:59lose his...
00:08:00his oomph.
00:08:02Yeah.
00:08:04Naturally, you see,
00:08:04the woman, she becomes frustrated
00:08:06and disappointed.
00:08:07But that's not necessarily
00:08:08the man's fault, is it, eh?
00:08:12Oh.
00:08:13Morning, Raquel.
00:08:14Oh, morning.
00:08:16Where's Del?
00:08:17Er, he's on the phone.
00:08:18Who to?
00:08:19Don't know.
00:08:21So, how's life true?
00:08:22How's life treating you?
00:08:23How's life treating me?
00:08:25Do you mean besides him
00:08:26coming in at all hours
00:08:26in the morning,
00:08:27spending every spare hour
00:08:28with his mates down the pub
00:08:29and wasting our money
00:08:30in that casino?
00:08:31Yeah.
00:08:31Well, I'll give you an example
00:08:34of our life's treating me, Rodney.
00:08:36Have you seen what's inside my wardrobe?
00:08:38No.
00:08:40Well, not to put too fine a point on it,
00:08:42the only times my clothes look fashionable
00:08:43is when I'm watching UK Gold.
00:08:46Now, a short while ago,
00:08:49Del happened to mention
00:08:50that he had a contact in the rag trade.
00:08:51Yeah.
00:08:52This fella could get the very latest in fashion
00:08:54and all the top designer labels.
00:08:56Christmas was approaching,
00:08:58Del asked me what I'd like.
00:08:59Anything you want, sweetheart,
00:09:01just name it.
00:09:02So I said I wouldn't mind
00:09:04a little number
00:09:04by Bruce Oldfield.
00:09:05Have you got any tubular bells?
00:09:14It's my fault, Phil.
00:09:16I know.
00:09:17Yeah, now, listen,
00:09:18all you've got to do, sweetheart,
00:09:19is you just take your time, right?
00:09:21You just take your time
00:09:22and you'll have a lovely, healthy baby
00:09:24just like my Damien.
00:09:26There.
00:09:27Nine pounds, he was, you know.
00:09:30Yeah.
00:09:31I remember the day that he was born.
00:09:33Yeah, of course,
00:09:35me and Raquel, you know,
00:09:36haven't given up hope
00:09:37of doing it again sometime.
00:09:39What's the baby's weight
00:09:40got to do with it?
00:09:42No, no, no, no.
00:09:43It doesn't matter how big it is,
00:09:44does it?
00:09:46Who are you talking to?
00:09:49Cassandra.
00:09:53What in, Rodders?
00:09:57Cassandra, what are you doing
00:09:58discussing our private life with him?
00:10:01I don't care.
00:10:02This will be all over
00:10:02a nag's head by dinner time.
00:10:05That's the thanks I get.
00:10:07I thought you'd be used to it by now.
00:10:19They've cleared this place up yet,
00:10:20have they?
00:10:21That's not a lot of point.
00:10:23I've heard they're expecting
00:10:24another riot.
00:10:25They reckon anything
00:10:25could set it off.
00:10:27I heard they're thinking
00:10:27of twinning this place
00:10:28with Jurassic Park.
00:10:32Oh.
00:10:33Oh.
00:10:34You want to go somewhere
00:10:35with that, too?
00:10:36I'll go everywhere with it,
00:10:37don't I?
00:10:37Stuck in my bloody head.
00:10:40I meant the dentist.
00:10:42Yes, yes, yes, I will.
00:10:46Got a Swiss radio on?
00:10:48Yeah, go on, if you're right.
00:10:49Do you know this is Raquel's
00:11:00most favourite number?
00:11:01Yeah.
00:11:02Can I switch it up?
00:11:05Oh, no, leave it.
00:11:09Yeah.
00:11:11Every time I hear this number,
00:11:12you know, it always reminds me
00:11:14of my Raquel.
00:11:17Yeah, go on, switch it up.
00:11:21There you go, Denzel.
00:11:22One bowl of piping hot porridge.
00:11:25They'll warm you up
00:11:25on a cold morning.
00:11:27Cheers, Sid.
00:11:28There's a hair in this.
00:11:31Is it here?
00:11:34There's another one.
00:11:38Anyway.
00:11:41That's disgusting,
00:11:42that is, Sid.
00:11:42If the health authorities
00:11:43saw this,
00:11:44they'd close you down.
00:11:45I've been closed down
00:11:46for a lot worse
00:11:47than that, Denzel.
00:11:49I hate these politically
00:11:50correct people.
00:11:51Yeah.
00:11:52What do you have, Intrigue?
00:11:53I'll try something
00:11:54at porridge.
00:12:04You all right, things?
00:12:06Two teeth, Sid.
00:12:08All right, Dave.
00:12:08Don't have the porridge, Rodney.
00:12:13I've just found hairs in mine.
00:12:15It was only two hairs.
00:12:16That's enough, isn't it?
00:12:20Maybe there's a sparring in it.
00:12:23So how's it going, Del?
00:12:24You got all your Christmas presents?
00:12:26No, not yet.
00:12:27Damien wants a pet.
00:12:29I didn't think the council
00:12:30allowed pets.
00:12:31No, only a little one,
00:12:32you know, like a rabbit
00:12:32or a guinea pig
00:12:33or something like that.
00:12:35How's it going, Del?
00:12:36Don't ask, Trig.
00:12:38Things still the same, eh?
00:12:39Yeah, still giving me strife.
00:12:41Yeah, it's a bitch, isn't it?
00:12:43Well, that's strong
00:12:44in it, isn't it, Trig?
00:12:46No, you're too soft, Del.
00:12:47I've been in exactly
00:12:48the same boat as you have.
00:12:49You know what I've done?
00:12:50I got a shot of it.
00:12:52Hey, look, Trig,
00:12:53it's not as simple
00:12:54as just get shot of it.
00:12:56Why?
00:12:56Del love.
00:12:58Well, a strong bond exists,
00:13:00doesn't it, Del?
00:13:00That's right.
00:13:01We've been together
00:13:02a long time.
00:13:02And you're just going to
00:13:03get more and more aggro.
00:13:05I know how you feel.
00:13:07You become attached to them,
00:13:08give them little pet names.
00:13:09I've done it.
00:13:10Take my advice, Del.
00:13:11Get down a dentist
00:13:12and have it out.
00:13:15No, it's true.
00:13:17It's best in the long run, Del.
00:13:20Try my dentist.
00:13:21He's good.
00:13:21I've been going to him
00:13:22for years.
00:13:23Yeah, yeah, all right.
00:13:24I might try that, Trig.
00:13:26Trig, we were talking
00:13:27about Del and Raquel.
00:13:28You still rowing?
00:13:30Well, he's never there
00:13:30to find out, are you?
00:13:32No.
00:13:33She's still talking to me,
00:13:35unfortunately.
00:13:37I'll never understand
00:13:38the workings
00:13:39of a woman's mind.
00:13:41I suppose that's why
00:13:41I gave up trying in the end.
00:13:45Here.
00:13:46Who was that bird
00:13:47I used to go out with?
00:13:49Which one?
00:13:50What was her name?
00:13:54What's your name?
00:13:55Redhead.
00:13:56Ah, one of the redheads.
00:13:58Pauline.
00:13:59No, no, no.
00:14:00Bear and Nate
00:14:01from Woolworths?
00:14:01No.
00:14:02Janine.
00:14:03Who are her?
00:14:04Marion.
00:14:05Who's Marion?
00:14:06I wonder what.
00:14:08You met her up
00:14:08for dog track.
00:14:09You bought her a ring.
00:14:12Oh, yeah.
00:14:13No, not her.
00:14:13No, no.
00:14:14The one I'm thinking about,
00:14:15what was her name?
00:14:16Her dad was a tattooist.
00:14:17She had this tattoo
00:14:19of a heart
00:14:20with a dagger
00:14:20going through it
00:14:21on her five.
00:14:23Don't ring a bell.
00:14:25Well, you would have
00:14:26only been about two.
00:14:28What was her name?
00:14:29She worked at the betting shop
00:14:30down Lewisham Grove.
00:14:32Betting shop
00:14:33down Lewisham Grove.
00:14:35Well, it don't matter.
00:14:37I went out with her
00:14:38for about...
00:14:40Must have been a month.
00:14:42Actually, she was going
00:14:43steady with another bloke
00:14:44at the time,
00:14:45but it didn't worry me.
00:14:46Made it more exciting.
00:14:48Well, she was a sporting girl.
00:14:50You know, good all-rounder.
00:14:52You know what I mean?
00:14:54Well, I'd save back me money,
00:14:56right, to take her on holiday.
00:14:58But it's going to be really exotic.
00:14:59The holiday of a lifetime.
00:15:01When all of a sudden,
00:15:03right out of the blue,
00:15:04for no reason,
00:15:05she packed me in.
00:15:06And yet, the night before,
00:15:08I'd taken her home
00:15:10to meet my mum and dad
00:15:11for the first time.
00:15:16So, the next day,
00:15:19I went down the betting shop,
00:15:21you know,
00:15:21to have a chat with her,
00:15:22take her out for lunch
00:15:23and all that.
00:15:23And they said
00:15:24that she weren't there.
00:15:26But I knew that she was
00:15:27because I saw her crash helmet
00:15:29hanging up on the hook.
00:15:31So, you know,
00:15:31I went and looked for her.
00:15:32You know where I found her?
00:15:33She was hiding on the roof.
00:15:35She said she was sunbathing.
00:15:37Well, maybe she was sunbathing.
00:15:39No, it was a sloping roof.
00:15:42And there she was,
00:15:43with her back against the tiles
00:15:45and her stilettos
00:15:46jammed in the gutter.
00:15:50She nearly fell off twice.
00:15:53Well, anyway,
00:15:54that was Dad.
00:15:56God, blimey,
00:15:57what was her name?
00:16:00Did you get your money
00:16:01back on the holiday?
00:16:05You know what these caravan sights
00:16:06are like, don't you?
00:16:09No more, Ben.
00:16:14Ready, three, blimey.
00:16:31There, boy.
00:16:33Oh, Rodders,
00:16:34what are you doing here?
00:16:35Well, I had a couple of hours to kill,
00:16:37so I said to Cass,
00:16:38I popped down to the club
00:16:38and see Adele.
00:16:39Oh, right.
00:16:40Here, Miguel.
00:16:41There you are.
00:16:42That lager top, please.
00:16:45You're drinking a lot of scotch these days?
00:16:47Yeah, well,
00:16:48it's the only thing
00:16:48that dulls the pain, isn't it?
00:16:51Talk to Adele.
00:16:52There's nothing that can't be sorted
00:16:54by talking it out.
00:16:56I'm not talking about Raquel,
00:16:57I'm talking about my bloody tooth.
00:16:59Oh, well,
00:17:00go to the dentist.
00:17:01I don't like dentists.
00:17:02Well, then let it go rotten
00:17:03and get septicemia.
00:17:04Look, shut up moaning, will you?
00:17:05No, I've come here
00:17:06to psych myself up for the game
00:17:07and you do nothing but lecture me.
00:17:09It's like playing poker with Neil Kinnock.
00:17:13Here on.
00:17:14Dill boy?
00:17:16Rodney.
00:17:18Oh, how's it going, Boisey?
00:17:19Life is one long uphill struggle
00:17:22at the moment, Derek.
00:17:23The second-hand car business
00:17:24is in its biggest slump since,
00:17:26well, since the last one.
00:17:28Me and Marley
00:17:29could only afford one week's holiday
00:17:31in Barbados this year.
00:17:33Oh, that's terrible, isn't it?
00:17:35Please, don't go on about it.
00:17:36You know how easy I cry.
00:17:39I'll have to hold a whip for him.
00:17:41Can I count the lashes?
00:17:42Look, I happen to believe
00:17:46that everyone has the right
00:17:47to expect a certain standard of living.
00:17:49I mean, it's all right for you
00:17:50coming from that council estate.
00:17:52You know, sometimes I almost envy you.
00:17:56Not often, I must admit.
00:17:57It's nothing with all the problems you've got.
00:18:01We ain't got no problems.
00:18:02Raquel and I are just going
00:18:03through a sticky patch, that's all.
00:18:05When I mention problems,
00:18:06I was referring to that riot
00:18:08the other night.
00:18:09I hear they went through
00:18:10the whole estate
00:18:11looking for any halfway decent car
00:18:13and then setting fire to it.
00:18:15You're all three-wheel van,
00:18:16all right, was it, Del Boy?
00:18:19Thank you, Boise.
00:18:20They didn't lay a finger on you.
00:18:21Well, that's a godsend at least.
00:18:24Only because I know
00:18:25the leader of the rioters.
00:18:27Terrible, though, anyway.
00:18:29The way they set fire
00:18:30to their own people's property
00:18:32when there's a very big car site
00:18:33just up the road.
00:18:35That's Boise's car site, Derek.
00:18:37Oh, is it, Rodney?
00:18:39Well, let's hope someone
00:18:40does not suggest that
00:18:41to the rioters.
00:18:42They would.
00:18:44Miguel, can you get my friend to drink?
00:18:47Same again, please.
00:18:48I'll put it on my account.
00:18:50Well, I must be off.
00:18:51Lots of luck, eh?
00:18:53Yeah, cheers, Boise.
00:18:56Miguel.
00:19:04God, blimey.
00:19:06All right.
00:19:07I don't know about my teeth.
00:19:11I think me eyes need testing.
00:19:16I turned around a bit quick just then
00:19:18and I thought right said Fred
00:19:19had just walked in.
00:19:20aren't you going to have a bit?
00:19:35Aren't you going to have a bit?
00:19:47No, I'm not. It's a mugs game.
00:19:50And it dawned on you yet that the only one who wins is the casino owner?
00:19:55Sorry, what were you saying?
00:19:57Yeah, all right. I saw you were lucky.
00:19:59Well, you've won now, so let's go home.
00:20:01Hey, no, don't talk. Wait, I'm on a roll.
00:20:03Play the evens.
00:20:05Dale, will you spare one moment's fault for Raquel?
00:20:09Who do you think I'm doing this for, Rodney? I'm doing this for her and Damien.
00:20:13Rodney, I couldn't say anything before because I didn't want the word to get out.
00:20:17It's been very delicate, but I'm trying to put down a big deal with Ronnie Nelson.
00:20:21So what are you doing down here at the one-to-one club most nights?
00:20:24Because he owns it, doesn't he?
00:20:25He don't come in before one o'clock in the morning, so I've got to hang about, have a word with him.
00:20:30Can't let this deal slip through my fingers, Rodney.
00:20:33Tell you what it is.
00:20:34We're going to buy 650 handheld camcorders.
00:20:40Made in Russia.
00:20:42Russian camcorders.
00:20:44I don't think they went in for all that you've been frame cobblers.
00:20:48No, no, no, no.
00:20:49They're ex-military. They've got night vision on them and everything.
00:20:52We are going to buy 650 Russian army camcorders.
00:20:57Yeah, with a bit of luck.
00:20:58895 quid.
00:21:01You're going to pay 895 pounds for a camera?
00:21:05No, no, no, no.
00:21:06895 quid for the lot.
00:21:07Well, they sound very classy.
00:21:12State of the arts.
00:21:13Bertie Webb.
00:21:16Aren't you going to have a bet?
00:21:18No.
00:21:20Look, try and look at it from Raquel's point of view, Del.
00:21:23She's in that flat night after night with Horatio and his tales of a sea.
00:21:27And you're down here drinking and gambling.
00:21:30Oh, no.
00:21:31Does she appreciate it?
00:21:32No.
00:21:33No, she does not.
00:21:36Honestly.
00:21:37She thinks I'm out every night enjoying myself.
00:21:41Here, sue me, darling.
00:21:42Same again, please.
00:21:44That's the trouble with women, Rodney.
00:21:46They change.
00:21:47And they expect you to change with them.
00:21:49She wanted me to become a pipe and slippers man.
00:21:51You know, having a cup of tea and a biscuit and watching Family Fortunes.
00:21:54We'll stuff that for a game of Toy Soldiers.
00:21:58But don't get me wrong.
00:21:59I'm not averse to a cup of tarjeeling and an ob-nob,
00:22:02but there is a time and a place for everything.
00:22:05No.
00:22:06I live life on the tightrope.
00:22:09And I enjoy the company of my mates,
00:22:10and I don't see why I should change just because I've met Raquel.
00:22:13And who are your mates, Del?
00:22:15Boycey, the Freemason.
00:22:17A total snob who thinks anyone who's got a pound less than him is a peasant.
00:22:21Denzel is a man who eats porridge with a wig in it.
00:22:25And a white tricker.
00:22:26A road sweeper who gives pet names to his teeth.
00:22:32They're still me mates.
00:22:35I'm not like you, Rodders.
00:22:36Del boy is not for turning.
00:22:39What's that supposed to mean?
00:22:40Marriage ain't changed me.
00:22:42Quit as, Rodney.
00:22:43I've seen you and that Cassandra.
00:22:45She's into this conservation malarkey,
00:22:48and so is Rodney as well.
00:22:49I have not changed, Del.
00:22:50When I make my mind up about something, nothing can alter it.
00:22:54140 pieces, sir.
00:22:56We'll stick with even, shall we?
00:22:59I'm going to go and get some chips.
00:23:00Come on.
00:23:14Raids.
00:23:15Raids.
00:23:15Raids.
00:23:17Excuse me, Del.
00:23:18Yeah?
00:23:18I'm afraid Ronnie won't be in now.
00:23:20I'll leave a message for him.
00:23:21No, all right, thanks.
00:23:30Come on, Rodney.
00:23:31Let's go home.
00:23:32Hang on, the ball ain't landing, Jack.
00:23:3617 black.
00:23:38Shit.
00:23:39Oi.
00:23:41How much did you lose?
00:23:4350.
00:23:45You plunker.
00:23:46I wouldn't have gambled at all if you hadn't encouraged me.
00:23:51Oi, oi, oi, oi.
00:23:52Don't blame me.
00:23:54What'd you come in here for anyway if you didn't want to flutter?
00:23:56Oh, I'll tell you what, shall I?
00:23:58Cassandra suggested I come down here.
00:24:00Oh, yeah?
00:24:01Why?
00:24:01So as we can get you home at a decent hour.
00:24:04We are trying to save your relationship with Raquel.
00:24:07You've been falling in up past one, two o'clock in the morning,
00:24:10and it is not on, Belle.
00:24:11It's eight o'clock in the morning.
00:24:20This is all your fault, Dopey.
00:24:22Mine?
00:24:23Yes, you, you, you, you kept me talking in there.
00:24:25Oh, yeah, and who was it doing all the gambling?
00:24:27Well, you were doing your fair share.
00:24:29God, blimey, I could have been home hours ago if it weren't for you.
00:24:32You really dropped me in it this time, Rodney.
00:24:35Look, we could be down the market in half an hour.
00:24:38All right, listen, I know what you're thinking.
00:24:39I know what you're thinking, because I can read your minds.
00:24:42You're thinking, what do I want with all this ski equipment?
00:24:45There ain't no mountains in Peckham.
00:24:47Absolutely true.
00:24:48Now, in a few months' time, you yourself may decide to take an alpine holiday.
00:24:52Now, due to my unique style of bulk buying,
00:24:57you can go togged out in the latest up-to-the-minute fashion
00:25:01at bargain basement prices.
00:25:03Now, I'm going to show you how stylish this gear is,
00:25:06because it's being modelled now by my younger brother, Rodney.
00:25:09Now, the jacket is padded in pure fibreglass
00:25:18and quilted in natural nylon.
00:25:22Now, this jacket alone would set you back about 120 quid at Lilywhites,
00:25:27but this can be yours for a mere £35,
00:25:30and it comes in all sizes.
00:25:32Now, all this equipment here is manufactured by the one country
00:25:36that leads the world in alpine clothing, namely, Fiji.
00:25:42Just a moment, please.
00:25:44This is probably the Austrian Olympic squad
00:25:47wanting to increase their order.
00:25:49Hello?
00:25:50Trotters Independent Traders, a PLC, Arctic Clothing Department.
00:25:54All right, Dave.
00:25:54Rodney, it's Cassandra.
00:25:59All right.
00:26:03Cass?
00:26:04I told you never to find me at work.
00:26:06I'm...
00:26:06What?
00:26:10What, now?
00:26:12Cass, I can't.
00:26:14I'm in the middle.
00:26:16Yeah, yes.
00:26:18All right.
00:26:21Yeah, I've got to shoot off.
00:26:22Cassie needs me at home.
00:26:23What for?
00:26:26Mine's probably at the right time.
00:26:28Oh, come on, Rodney.
00:26:30She'll keep till this evening.
00:26:31Mine's...
00:26:32Well, you know.
00:26:36She's most probably at the right time, Preacher.
00:26:40Stone me, Rodney.
00:26:41What are you two trying for?
00:26:43A baby or a barbecue?
00:26:47Well, go on, go on.
00:26:48Now, hurry up.
00:26:50Here, don't you want to change your clothes?
00:26:51Oh, look at that.
00:26:57Cass, I'm on.
00:26:59I'm in here, Rodney.
00:27:00All right.
00:27:01It won't be a minute.
00:27:02Sorry about that, Raquel.
00:27:17I was...
00:27:18I was hot.
00:27:21What are you doing here?
00:27:23She's left Del.
00:27:25Left him?
00:27:25Why?
00:27:26Do you know what time he got in this morning?
00:27:27What?
00:27:30Call to past eight.
00:27:35Get away.
00:27:36He just changed into his working clothes and went straight down the market.
00:27:39He didn't even stop for a cup of tea.
00:27:41Well, that was the last straw.
00:27:43He's not treating me like that anymore.
00:27:44Look, you've got to look at it from his point of view, Raquel.
00:27:47There are extenuating circumstances.
00:27:50Like what?
00:27:50Well, he's having a lot of trouble with his teeth.
00:27:54That's no excuse.
00:27:56No, no, but he is in pain.
00:27:58So am I, Rodney.
00:27:59So am I.
00:28:00Well, where are you going to go?
00:28:02I said they could stay here.
00:28:04Here?
00:28:04This is a one-bedroom flat.
00:28:06Well, this is a sofa bed.
00:28:08I won't be here for long.
00:28:09A couple of nights, that's all.
00:28:11Is that OK with you?
00:28:13Yeah.
00:28:13Yeah, of course.
00:28:15Good.
00:28:16I'll make us a cup of something.
00:28:19I'll help.
00:28:42Here we go, gentlemen.
00:28:43Is that right, Del?
00:28:47Just a lemonade for you.
00:28:49Yeah, that's right, yeah.
00:28:50I'm going down to visit.
00:28:51Treats dense this afternoon.
00:28:52I don't want to smell a booze.
00:28:54So how are things on the home front?
00:28:55You and Raquel still at Pistols Drawn, are you?
00:28:58Yeah, still involved in a Cold War.
00:29:00But I'm going to live my life the way I want to live it.
00:29:04Give her time.
00:29:04She'll learn.
00:29:05That's exactly the attitude I took with my Kareem.
00:29:09Even when she left me, I refused to change.
00:29:11It was seven years ago, but I haven't changed.
00:29:15Yeah, but there is a difference, though, in there, Dan, Troy.
00:29:18I mean, you know, Raquel would never leave me.
00:29:21Because it's the real deep love thing.
00:29:23Women are a mystery, though, ain't they?
00:29:26What?
00:29:26I'd say it is a mystery for you.
00:29:28Here's a bit.
00:29:28Answer me this.
00:29:30Why is it that women always want to know what time you got in, right?
00:29:33They say to you, what time did you get in last night?
00:29:35And you say, well, I don't know, back quarter past 12.
00:29:37And they say, no, you didn't.
00:29:39It was 20 to 2 of you.
00:29:41I think to themselves, well, why bloody ask?
00:29:43It's right.
00:29:44It's right.
00:29:44Why ask?
00:29:45I mean, it's like saying to you, what's that on the telly?
00:29:48Coronation Street or EastEnders?
00:29:50And you say, it's EastEnders.
00:29:51And they say, no, it ain't.
00:29:52It's Coronation Street.
00:29:54I mean, why ask?
00:29:55It's it.
00:29:55Why ask?
00:29:56It's me.
00:29:57You know, I came home one night and my missus said, here, where are you living now?
00:30:01I said, here.
00:30:02She said, no, you ain't.
00:30:03Threw me suitcase at me.
00:30:06Why ask?
00:30:08Why ask?
00:30:14Well, I mean, that's women for you, aren't it?
00:30:16I mean, they're a different breed.
00:30:17Take my Marlene.
00:30:19She's always moaning on and on about how I don't respect her.
00:30:22I mean, me?
00:30:23Don't respect me own wife?
00:30:26Daft old mayor.
00:30:27I mean, I love her.
00:30:30Don't get me wrong.
00:30:30But sometimes I think getting married was the worst mistake I ever made in my life.
00:30:35I sometimes think back to when we first met in Lewisham Grove.
00:30:40I wish I'd never, ever walked into that betting shop now.
00:30:51Oh, so don't see you.
00:30:52I remember something very important I meant to tell you.
00:30:58What's that?
00:30:59It's gone now.
00:31:00Oh, that's all right.
00:31:01Denzel happens to me all the time.
00:31:05See, I was just going to say something important to Del, and it's gone now.
00:31:08So how'd it turn out there, Mike?
00:31:13Eh?
00:31:17Coronation Street or East End.
00:31:18As long as we weren't El Dorado, we can all sleep easy, aren't we?
00:31:26Well, all right, aren't any messages for me?
00:31:29Yeah, uh, that boat phoned about the video cameras, and, uh, someone come round moaning
00:31:34about, uh, a pair of ski pants.
00:31:37Oh, and Raquel's left you.
00:31:42I don't believe it, God.
00:31:43They just don't believe it.
00:31:45I have never, never had a woman walk out on me like that.
00:31:49Miss you, eh?
00:31:50Who?
00:31:51All of them.
00:31:53Yeah, they didn't have my child with them, did they?
00:31:56Look, Del, I feel a bit embarrassed about Raquel staying at the flat and that, but what could
00:32:04I do?
00:32:05I couldn't refuse, could I?
00:32:06No, of course not, bruv.
00:32:08No, you couldn't see him turned out in the street, could you?
00:32:11Now, you look after him.
00:32:12I'll see you're all right for some money.
00:32:14Oh, don't be silly.
00:32:15No, no, no, come on straight.
00:32:16I appreciate what you're doing.
00:32:18Look, Del, I reckon all it would take is one phone call, and you two would be back together
00:32:23in no time.
00:32:24It'll just take one word, sorry.
00:32:33No, I think you're right, Rodney.
00:32:35All right, get her to phone me and apologise, and I'll...
00:32:37What are you talking about, you?
00:32:41Me?
00:32:41What have I done?
00:32:43Raquel hardly ever sees you.
00:32:45You treat that flat like a lodging house.
00:32:47She told me you walked into the bedroom one night and Damien screamed.
00:32:51Thought you was an intruder.
00:32:52That is rubbish, that is.
00:32:55Look, I've been under a lot of stress lately, what with, you know, business deals and all
00:32:58that.
00:32:59Well, I explained to her, I said Del's been under a lot of pressure.
00:33:02What with business?
00:33:03And his teeth going manky.
00:33:05Exactly.
00:33:06What with...
00:33:06My teeth are not going manky.
00:33:08They just need looking at it, that's all.
00:33:09Well, get in there and have them looked at, then.
00:33:12I don't like dentists.
00:33:13Oh, my God, it's like the Milky Bar key.
00:33:16All right, I'll tell you what we'll do, right?
00:33:18Look, we'll go down to Ronnie Nelson's and pick up the cameras, then we'll come back here
00:33:22and I'll go to the dentists.
00:33:23No.
00:33:25You go to the dentist now and then we'll pick up the cameras.
00:33:27Oh, go on, get in there.
00:33:35Are you coming with me?
00:33:41No.
00:33:42I'm going to have a kip in the van.
00:33:44Oi?
00:33:45Oi!
00:33:47Rodney, I'm going to get you.
00:33:47Oh.
00:33:49Oh.
00:33:49Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt.
00:33:56Mrs Patel just rang to cancel her four o'clock appointment.
00:33:59Thank you, Beverly.
00:34:00Oh!
00:34:01That's the one.
00:34:03Oh.
00:34:03No, hey.
00:34:05Help yourself to the, um...
00:34:07Hmm?
00:34:08Oh, it's all right.
00:34:16That's so good.
00:34:19Do you have regular dental checks, Mr Trotter?
00:34:24Oh, yes, Doctor.
00:34:24You can't be too careful where the old choppers are concerned.
00:34:27Can you?
00:34:28And who was the last dentist you saw?
00:34:30The last one, that would be, uh...
00:34:32Mr Owens had a surgery down on Gandy Avenue.
00:34:35Mr Owens?
00:34:35Hmm.
00:34:37He died on the night of the Queen's Silver Jubilee in 1977.
00:34:41I mean, it's tragic, isn't it?
00:34:44So, you have a regular check-up every 16 years?
00:34:49Yeah, I think it's better in the long run, don't you?
00:34:52Yeah, yeah.
00:34:54Hey, that tooth of yours is beyond repair, Mr Trotter.
00:34:57I'll have to come out.
00:34:58Oh, it's good to come out.
00:34:59All right, well, I'll make an appointment and see you next week.
00:35:01All right.
00:35:01No, no, I don't now.
00:35:03Now?
00:35:04Don't worry.
00:35:05You won't feel a thing.
00:35:07This will just make one side of your face a bit numb.
00:35:11Ah, I see.
00:35:11But the thing is, you know, I'm in a bit of a hurry.
00:35:14Oh, it'll take five minutes.
00:35:15But my brother's out there in the van.
00:35:18Just a little brick.
00:35:20Oh, you know him then, do you?
00:35:36Oh.
00:35:36Oh, there we are.
00:35:42Now, if you'd like to sit in the waiting room for a while,
00:35:45it'll give you the anaesthetic time to work.
00:35:47I'll call you in five minutes.
00:35:50Thank you, doctor.
00:35:56Mrs Marshall, you can go through now.
00:35:58Just got to wait for this jollop to work.
00:36:09Yeah, it doesn't take too long.
00:36:10Perhaps we could complete this form while you're waiting.
00:36:14It's just for new patients.
00:36:16I got most of your details.
00:36:18Now then, let me see.
00:36:19Uh, next to kin.
00:36:23Next to kin?
00:36:24Blimey, I'm only having me tooth out.
00:36:26Oh, it's just local health authority procedure.
00:36:31I ain't got no next to kin.
00:36:33What, no one?
00:36:35What is my brother?
00:36:37Have you got any dependents?
00:36:39Yeah, my brother.
00:36:39Oh.
00:36:39Oh.
00:36:39Oh.
00:36:40Oh.
00:36:40Oh.
00:36:41Oh.
00:36:42Oh.
00:36:42Oh.
00:36:43Oh.
00:36:44Oh.
00:36:44Oh.
00:36:44Oh.
00:36:45Oh.
00:36:46Oh.
00:36:47Oh.
00:36:48Oh.
00:36:49Oh.
00:36:50Oh.
00:36:51Oh.
00:36:52Oh.
00:36:53Oh.
00:36:54Oh.
00:36:55Yeah, I've got a son.
00:37:02Ah, that's better.
00:37:05It's Damien.
00:37:06Damien Derek Trotter.
00:37:08Oh, my daughter's got a little boy called that.
00:37:11Not Damien Derek Trotter.
00:37:13No.
00:37:15Just Damien.
00:37:16You're having me on.
00:37:18You've got a grandson.
00:37:19Yeah?
00:37:20Yeah, but...
00:37:21You must have had your daughter very, very young.
00:37:25I'll put you down as, um...
00:37:27What are you on?
00:37:28Late twenties.
00:37:29Oh, get off.
00:37:32No, I'm just going here straight out.
00:37:33Oh, I'm just going here.
00:37:34Oh.
00:37:35It's, uh...
00:37:36So your husband is here now?
00:37:37What, Mr Ellis?
00:37:38Yeah.
00:37:38No, I just work here.
00:37:40Oh.
00:37:41I'm saying I thought it might be, you know, like a family business, ain't I?
00:37:44No.
00:37:46I'm divorced.
00:37:48Yeah, we broke up about, well, nine years ago.
00:37:51Oh.
00:37:51Really?
00:37:53Because, uh, my, uh, partner, she, uh, you know, she left me.
00:37:57Oh, I'm sorry.
00:37:59Hmm.
00:38:00You know, people say time's a great healer.
00:38:03I'm not so sure.
00:38:06Even now, I sometimes think about those days, and...
00:38:09Well, it still hurts, you know?
00:38:11Yes, I know the feeling.
00:38:13I still get these little pains.
00:38:15When did your relationship break up?
00:38:17This morning.
00:38:20This morning?
00:38:22Actually, maybe we ought to go out with each other, you know, and cry on each other's shoulders.
00:38:27Now, there is a rat in the vein.
00:38:32You what?
00:38:32In the vein, there's a rat.
00:38:35Rat?
00:38:35In the vein.
00:38:37What are you on about?
00:38:38I'm trying to inform you that there is a rat in the vein.
00:38:42It's not a rat.
00:38:45It's a gerbil.
00:38:48All right, so there's a gerbil in the vein.
00:38:51Oh, no, I've got it for Christmas.
00:38:54For Christmas?
00:38:57For Damien!
00:39:00Yes, it's one of his presents.
00:39:03Jerry the gerbil.
00:39:04I had it in the cage in the back of the van.
00:39:06The door must have come open or something, I don't know.
00:39:09Go and put it back in the cage.
00:39:12Huh?
00:39:14Go and put the gerbil back in the cage.
00:39:17Dependents.
00:39:29No, my boy, you know, he wanted a pet for Christmas, so I got him Jerry the gerbil.
00:39:34I said, what about it, Beverly?
00:39:37Sorry?
00:39:38Yeah.
00:39:39You mean?
00:39:41Having a date?
00:39:42Oh, well, it's very nice of you, but...
00:39:46You see, the thing is, your relationship's only just broken up.
00:39:49In a couple of days' time, you could both be back together again.
00:39:52No, no, I won't.
00:39:53No, it's finished.
00:39:54Kaput.
00:39:55No, it's not going back.
00:39:56I'm a free agent.
00:39:58I'll go where I want and with whom I want.
00:40:01Okay, then.
00:40:03Good.
00:40:04Lovely jubbly.
00:40:06You know, that makes sense.
00:40:09Well, what about to see you this evening, then, you know, by eight o'clock?
00:40:14Take you out for a slap-up meal.
00:40:16You know, steak.
00:40:18Onion rings.
00:40:20Fine.
00:40:23That's where I live.
00:40:25And that's the telephone number, in case anything goes wrong.
00:40:27Oh, well.
00:40:28I see you this evening.
00:40:30What?
00:40:31Hmm?
00:40:32Oh, sorry.
00:40:34I'm a septic spinging in at work.
00:40:37I'll be with you in a minute.
00:40:39Hmm.
00:40:39All right.
00:40:45I'll just, uh, shit here.
00:40:47Oh, they're the Russian cameras Del was telling me about.
00:41:09No, this is a pair of Chelsea boots with an elasticated gusset.
00:41:12Of course it's about the Russian camera.
00:41:15All right, then.
00:41:16How's your mouth, Del?
00:41:18Oh, I can't feel a thing.
00:41:19Brilliant dentist.
00:41:20These camcorders are bigger than I imagined.
00:41:23Yeah, they are a bit on the wide side, aren't they, eh?
00:41:26You said they was hand-held.
00:41:28Well, you're holding them in your hands, aren't you?
00:41:29I'm just.
00:41:31You're supposed to carry one of these around Euro Disney on your shoulder.
00:41:34You do your backing.
00:41:35Well, that's good for you, Rodney.
00:41:36Good for your strength, you see.
00:41:38Build your strength up, won't it, eh?
00:41:39Save you a fortune on all them weights and rowing machines and all that sort of stuff.
00:41:44I wonder what that writing says on the side there.
00:41:46Reject mice, probably.
00:41:47These are not rejects, Rodney.
00:41:51These are top of the range, these are.
00:41:53Look at them.
00:41:54Look, solid they are.
00:41:55No bits of plastic to break off.
00:41:57The cassette, look at that, is inside the camera.
00:42:00Don't muck about with them soppy little things.
00:42:03No, this was designed for tank warfare, this, you know.
00:42:07Yes, look at that.
00:42:08Can you see them now?
00:42:09All right, number one.
00:42:10Fire a shot across his mouth.
00:42:13Del?
00:42:14Yeah?
00:42:14I don't fit the machine.
00:42:15No, I know that.
00:42:20I know that they're a different size.
00:42:22But there's no problem, because Ronnie Nelson, he's got a consignment of Russian VCRs coming over next Tuesday from, er, Volvo Grad.
00:42:30Oh, no.
00:42:31So, if we actually do find a mercenary who wants to tape his next tank belt to show the wife and kids,
00:42:37he's got to buy a Russian VCR off us and all.
00:42:39I can't see him queuing for this one, Del.
00:42:4195 quid to set.
00:42:43Can't be bad, can it, eh?
00:42:44Think about it, Rodney.
00:42:46Make money on this and more.
00:42:48All you've got to do is fall on your arse and old, er, Jamie Beedle will give you a grand.
00:42:53You going out, Del?
00:42:54Yes.
00:42:54Yes, I'm going out.
00:42:55I've got a date.
00:42:57A date?
00:42:57Uh-huh.
00:42:58What do you mean, you've got a date?
00:43:00So, I've got a date.
00:43:01I met this woman down at the, er, dentist's.
00:43:03Taking her out for dinner.
00:43:05I don't believe I'm hearing this.
00:43:07Well, you've surprised me, Del.
00:43:09Raquel and your baby are only just round a corner, and you're going out with some young bird.
00:43:15She's not a young bird.
00:43:17She happens to be a grandmother.
00:43:18A grandmother?
00:43:21Oh, well, perhaps she can bring her sister along for in.
00:43:23She is a very young grandmother, sister along.
00:43:31Don't look at me like that, Rodney.
00:43:36Raquel was the one who walked out on me.
00:43:44You don't know what it's like.
00:43:46I'm not an island, Rodney.
00:43:49No, man gets lonely.
00:43:52Raquel only left this morning.
00:43:55Del, she's left you for longer periods when she's been out shopping.
00:43:59Yeah, I know, but it's horrible in here now.
00:44:02You've got Albert.
00:44:03That's what I mean.
00:44:04Did you honestly cheat on that?
00:44:06Two-time the mother of your baby.
00:44:09Oh, bonnet the douche.
00:44:11I'm only taking her out of the Burnie Inn.
00:44:13Yeah, and that can lead to other things, can't it?
00:44:16Yeah, like next week, I'll take her to a sponge you like.
00:44:19You know what I mean.
00:44:22Did you know that Raquel was crying this afternoon?
00:44:28Crying?
00:44:29Yeah.
00:44:30Sat on our sofa crying her eyes out, because of you.
00:44:34Poor gal.
00:44:37That's what I thought.
00:44:39Well, I'll see you later.
00:44:40Do enjoy your steak, Derek.
00:44:42Rodney, Rodney, all right, all right.
00:44:45All right, no, you've made your point.
00:44:48I was only trying to, you know, see if I could still pull.
00:44:52I'll call her and break off the date.
00:44:56Good.
00:44:57And while you've got the phone in your hand, give Raquel a call and ask her to come home.
00:45:00No way, Pedro.
00:45:04She wants to come back to this flat.
00:45:05She's got to call me.
00:45:07Oh, you kill me, Derek.
00:45:08I'll see you in the morrow.
00:45:09Yeah.
00:45:10You're doing the right thing, Del.
00:45:13It was a bad move.
00:45:16Yeah, I suspect you're right.
00:45:18Pity, really.
00:45:20She fancied one of these cameras and all.
00:45:21Hi, this is Beverly.
00:45:33Can't come to the phone right now, but if you'd like to leave a message after the turn, I'll get back to you.
00:45:38No.
00:45:39Ah, yeah.
00:45:41Hello, Beverly.
00:45:43This is Del boy.
00:45:44Um, the thing is, I can't make our date tonight.
00:45:49Um, you know, I'm sorry.
00:45:51I'll give you a call another time.
00:45:54Right?
00:45:55Yeah.
00:45:55Bonjour.
00:45:59I'll pour us a drink, Del.
00:46:00Yeah, wish I had a dog or a cat.
00:46:03You got that gerbil?
00:46:05Yeah, but I feel like kicking something up the arse.
00:46:12He was doing what?
00:46:14Shh, Raquel's in there.
00:46:16He was going out with another woman.
00:46:17He was frightening too.
00:46:19He was all dressed up.
00:46:21He looked like a heartthrob out of Crossroads.
00:46:23I think he's going through a midlife crisis.
00:46:26You know, dressing up, trying to attract young girls.
00:46:28Nah.
00:46:29If that was the case, then Del's male menopause started when he was 14.
00:46:33Anyone, she's not a young girl.
00:46:35She's a grandmother.
00:46:37A grandmother?
00:46:38Shhh.
00:46:39He met her at the dentist's.
00:46:41I don't think much would have happened on their date anyway.
00:46:44And her mother's probably sat in a burny ink out in her teeth.
00:46:47Why doesn't he just phone Raquel?
00:46:50They're obviously both missing each other.
00:46:52Oh, it's his pride, isn't it?
00:46:53He is the man and must be seen to be the man.
00:46:56He's never had a very modern attitude towards women and relationships.
00:47:00When he was younger, Del's idea of safe sex was not telling a girl where he lived.
00:47:04It's funny, but in them days, Del used to be my hero.
00:47:10Del?
00:47:12You're joking.
00:47:13Oh, I could tell you things about Del, boy, that would amaze you.
00:47:16Go on, then.
00:47:18Amaze me.
00:47:19Well, there's...
00:47:21Yeah, there was a time he took his O-levels.
00:47:24I was only a little sprog, but I still remember the night he brought his results home.
00:47:27He'd got eight A's.
00:47:30Eight A's?
00:47:31Del?
00:47:32Yeah. A for English, A for maths. The list just went on.
00:47:35Wait a minute. There were someone else's results, weren't they?
00:47:37No, no, there were Del's results.
00:47:40I remember my mum and dad was all excited.
00:47:42We had a big family celebration.
00:47:44Aunties, uncles, the lot.
00:47:47Del was tossing up where to go, you know, Oxford or Cambridge.
00:47:50He phoned up both universities, made a few inquiries.
00:47:54What are the pubs are like, that sort of thing.
00:47:56I can't imagine Del getting eight A's.
00:47:59No, he surprised everyone.
00:48:02Then, a couple of days later, we got a letter from the school.
00:48:06Turned out the A's all stood for absent.
00:48:09You haven't turned up for any of the exams?
00:48:12No, not one.
00:48:13He'd been down the market flogging some hocky Tom Jones LPs.
00:48:16Mind you, you wouldn't have laughed, you'd been there at the time.
00:48:21My dad went potty.
00:48:23He was shouting at Del, calling him names.
00:48:26Del was ducking round the room trying to escape.
00:48:30Then it all turned violent.
00:48:33He'd been out drinking, you see.
00:48:36He took his belt off.
00:48:37He started whacking him, punching him, everything.
00:48:40That's what he was like.
00:48:44My mum was screaming, don't hit him, don't hit him.
00:48:46And I was crying.
00:48:48Oh, God.
00:48:50Poor Rodney.
00:48:52Was he hurt?
00:48:54Not too bad.
00:48:56He was in hospital for a couple of days.
00:48:58My mum took me up to visit him.
00:49:00What happened to your father?
00:49:02I'm talking about me father.
00:49:05Oh, I thought you meant Del.
00:49:08Oh, no, he was all right.
00:49:11He was a dirty little fighter.
00:49:12He used to go in low and grab him.
00:49:15I've seen him in so many fights over the years.
00:49:18I've heard sounds that only a white hunter could make sense of.
00:49:22I suppose that's why he was my hero.
00:49:25Because from that day onwards, me dad never whacked me again.
00:49:29He was too frightened of what Del would do to him if he found out.
00:49:32So, that's how my life went on.
00:49:35Long as Del was around, no one could do me any harm.
00:49:39Of course, he made up for that in later life, but...
00:49:52I've got to find you.
00:49:54Hmm.
00:49:57How are you feeling?
00:49:58Well, you know, I'll give it a go.
00:50:06Ooh, that's nice.
00:50:08Now, don't bite me.
00:50:10You know how easily I bruise.
00:50:11Rodney.
00:50:18Rodney.
00:50:19Hmm?
00:50:26No!
00:50:30Just wandered in.
00:50:32Wandered in.
00:50:33Cassandra, I locked the bedroom door.
00:50:44What have I come in?
00:50:46I didn't lock the door.
00:50:48There you are.
00:50:50He's been looking everywhere for you.
00:50:52Sorry about this.
00:50:54It's all right.
00:50:55I don't know.
00:50:56He sleeps all day and only comes alive at night.
00:51:00So, I'm going to call Rodney and Auntie Cassandra.
00:51:03Night!
00:51:04All right.
00:51:05Night, Damien.
00:51:10What do you think, Mum?
00:51:12Leave it till tomorrow, shall we?
00:51:14Yeah.
00:51:14Yeah.
00:51:14Look, it's for an endangered species.
00:51:21Do you realise what's happening to...
00:51:23Wait, come on.
00:51:24This is lovely.
00:51:26Del's been eating the sauce a bit heavy lately.
00:51:28Just keep an eye on, though, is he?
00:51:29Yeah, I understand.
00:51:30Leave it to me, Rodney.
00:51:31Cheers.
00:51:31Look, all I'm asking for is 50p.
00:51:34What happens when you save all these whales?
00:51:37They'll start breathing, will they?
00:51:39Well, I won't be surprised.
00:51:40I don't know how anyone could fancy a whale.
00:51:43Do you?
00:51:43No, I don't.
00:51:46Big ugly things, don't they?
00:51:47No, look, you haven't got a breed with them.
00:51:49They can sort that sort of thing out for themselves.
00:51:51I know a lot more about the sea than you, Rodney.
00:51:55God, here we go.
00:51:56You'd be surprised how quickly these whales breed.
00:51:59I agree.
00:52:00And they're not all as gentle as some people imagine.
00:52:02True.
00:52:03You get a lot of them together, they could be quite dangerous.
00:52:06Well, during the war.
00:52:08We had it.
00:52:10I was in the submarine up in the Barents Sea,
00:52:12and we got attacked by a whale.
00:52:14Well, it's most probably just trying to protect its young, Alba.
00:52:17No, it wasn't.
00:52:18It fancied us.
00:52:20A whale got the hots for your submarine.
00:52:23Yeah, reliable.
00:52:25We're shaking all over the place.
00:52:26Like your worst nightmare, isn't it, Dave?
00:52:30No, my worst nightmare was sitting in the pub having a conversation with you two.
00:52:34Mmm.
00:52:39We went on for about half hour.
00:52:41Skipper told us to hang on to dear life and don't do anything to annoy it.
00:52:45He put the periscope up at one point.
00:52:48Up where?
00:52:51He looked through the viewfinder and went as white as a sheet.
00:52:54God knows what he saw.
00:52:56But that man never had Alibut again.
00:52:58So, what'd you do when it was over?
00:53:05Oh, lie back and have a cigarette?
00:53:08Don't take the mickey out of me, Roddy.
00:53:10Have you ever tried to lay an underwater telephone line during the mating season?
00:53:15No, no, I haven't.
00:53:16Well, my advice to you, son, is don't ever attempt it.
00:53:20You want to listen to him, Dave?
00:53:22He knows what he's talking about.
00:53:23All right, brothers.
00:53:25I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but here comes a man with some intelligence.
00:53:29Here, listen, you're going to give a couple of bob for charity?
00:53:31Yeah, you know me.
00:53:33Do anything for a good cause.
00:53:34What's this?
00:53:35He's trying to save Wales.
00:53:37Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
00:53:38They don't get nothing.
00:53:39Not half the way they beat us at rugby last year.
00:53:44Yeah, fair enough.
00:53:46So, how's Cassandra?
00:53:48Is she pregnant yet?
00:53:49Don't like that to be idle with that little git standing up holding a bed.
00:53:53What little git's that?
00:53:56Oh, so, yes, Cassandra, she's got this big teddy bear.
00:54:00She's had it since she was a kid, you know, and it sort of sits at the bottom of the bed and puts me off.
00:54:03God, silly mare.
00:54:05How would she like it if you had your Meccano set at the bottom of the bed, eh?
00:54:09Yeah, all right.
00:54:09Well, don't go on about it.
00:54:10It's personal.
00:54:11It's something that you...
00:54:12See you later, Trink.
00:54:20All right.
00:54:23How's, er, Damien and Raquel?
00:54:24All right.
00:54:26Plank and dame him up London tomorrow.
00:54:27Show him the sights.
00:54:29Apparently his daddy's always been a bit too busy to do it himself.
00:54:31This he is too busy.
00:54:33He's too busy out there earning the poppy to pay for the grub and the underfloor heating.
00:54:38Still crying, is she?
00:54:39Yes.
00:54:41All through yesterday afternoon and then all through tea time.
00:54:46You getting on your nerves?
00:54:48I'll tell you what's getting on your nerves, shall I?
00:54:50You are missing Raquel and Damien, and Damien and Raquel are missing you.
00:54:53But nobody, it seems, nobody has the intelligence to sort out a problem.
00:54:58I told you, all she's got to do is phone me.
00:55:00But she doesn't know how you feel.
00:55:03She thinks you want a life of shanting it up with your mates and going to casinos.
00:55:07She doesn't realise it was just a phase while you were putting a deal together because you never told her.
00:55:12Yeah, well, I had to play it close to my chest, didn't I?
00:55:14I didn't want words slipping out.
00:55:16But she don't know that.
00:55:17Yeah, well, that, you know, and what with my tooth and...
00:55:19No, no, you've had that out.
00:55:21Delp, phone her and tell her.
00:55:24What, I've had my tooth out?
00:55:25No, phone her and tell her that you...
00:55:29Oh, tell her what you're bloody like, just phone her.
00:55:31All right, Rodney, I'll give her a bell.
00:55:34Hey, Odell, large scotch on the house.
00:55:37Oh, cheers.
00:55:38All right, what are you doing?
00:55:39Don't go giving him large scotches on the house.
00:55:42Oh, I'm sorry, Rodney, I forgot.
00:55:44Odell, that's 185, son.
00:55:49I didn't even ask for it.
00:55:50Oh, hello.
00:55:55Hello, sweetheart.
00:55:55Listen, don't say a word.
00:55:57Just don't say anything.
00:55:58Just listen to me while I'm in the mood.
00:56:01Right?
00:56:02Now, I'm missing you, darling, and I want you to come home.
00:56:06Now, I know that I haven't been very fair to you in the past, but...
00:56:11Look, I can explain if you just give me the chance.
00:56:14I love you, and that will never change.
00:56:18Things will be different in the future.
00:56:20Huh?
00:56:21So, you know, what'd you say?
00:56:25Right?
00:56:27Oh, sorry, Cassandra.
00:56:30Yeah, I want to speak to Raquel.
00:56:33She's in the where.
00:56:35Oh, all right, I'll hang on.
00:56:41Filborn!
00:56:43Oh, hello, boysie.
00:56:44Who was that woman?
00:56:58Hmm?
00:57:01See you, mate, woman?
00:57:02That woman that just smiled at me.
00:57:04I didn't see anybody smiling at me.
00:57:05No one smiled at me all evening.
00:57:06Who do I know her face from?
00:57:09Oh, yeah.
00:57:09I remember Bronco, Marlene's brother.
00:57:12He was in hospital last year.
00:57:13We went to see him.
00:57:13That's where I saw him.
00:57:14All right.
00:57:14Let's clear that mystery up, then.
00:57:16Wait a minute, Bronco.
00:57:18What's in the end of psychiatric hospitals?
00:57:20Yeah.
00:57:23Thanks.
00:57:25Hello?
00:57:29Hello?
00:57:31Hello?
00:57:33Hello, Raquel.
00:57:35How are you?
00:57:36Fine.
00:57:37You?
00:57:38Yeah, lovely.
00:57:40I'm missing you, darling.
00:57:43I'm missing you as well, you rotten sod.
00:57:45Come on in.
00:57:46Why don't you come home, eh?
00:57:48It's not as simple as that.
00:57:50Sweetheart, don't take too much notice of me in the last month.
00:57:53It's just been a one-off, that's all.
00:57:55What about the month before that?
00:57:56Yeah, well, that was a one-off and all.
00:57:58Well, I didn't like your attitude.
00:58:00You were willing to gamble with our housekeeping money,
00:58:02with our future in some grotty little South London casino.
00:58:06Oh, look, sweetheart, that's all in the past, I tell you.
00:58:08Look, no more casinos.
00:58:10No more pubs.
00:58:11Same again, Bill.
00:58:12Yeah, all right, Trig.
00:58:13Yeah, thank you.
00:58:15Yeah, just, you know, a lemonade and a lime.
00:58:19Listen to me, that's stupid.
00:58:21I don't mind you going down the Nags Head,
00:58:24so long as it's not every night.
00:58:25And when you do go down there, I wouldn't mind going as well.
00:58:28Yeah, well, that's my thoughts entirely, sweetheart.
00:58:30Exactly.
00:58:31Well, just go down there.
00:58:32We'll just go down at weekends, you know, just to be sociable.
00:58:35Listen, I'll tell you what, sweetheart.
00:58:36If you're going to go out shopping, you get me a pair of those checkered slippers,
00:58:39an underweight of ob-knob.
00:58:41Fuck, you know, I'm a changed man.
00:58:43I am.
00:58:44I'll even take little Damien out, you know.
00:58:46No excuses.
00:58:48So, what are you ready to hear?
00:58:50Can I come and pick you up?
00:58:51Not right now.
00:58:52Damien's fast asleep.
00:58:54All right.
00:58:55What about first thing in the morning?
00:58:56I promised to take him up London, Madam Tussauds.
00:58:59Unless you'd like to come with us?
00:59:00Oh, no, no, I can't tomorrow, darling.
00:59:02I'll go and pick up all them Russian VCRs.
00:59:04Um, I'll pick you up tomorrow night, yeah?
00:59:07All right, then.
00:59:08All right.
00:59:10Raquel, say the magic words.
00:59:13Don't be silly.
00:59:14Go on, go on, Raquel.
00:59:16Say the magic words.
00:59:20I love you, Trotter.
00:59:22Yes!
00:59:25All right, darling, I'll pick you up tomorrow, all right?
00:59:27Ta-da.
00:59:30That is it, Del Boy.
00:59:33You're an hour-changed man.
00:59:35This is the first day of the rest of your life.
00:59:39Michael, a bottle of your finest champagne, please.
00:59:52Shh!
00:59:53Shh!
00:59:54Shh!
00:59:55Shh!
00:59:57Shh!
00:59:59Shh!
00:59:59Just one voice
01:00:17Singing in the darkness
01:00:21All it takes is one voice
01:00:29Singing so I hear what's on your mind
01:00:33And when they took around your flight
01:00:35There's more than one voice
01:00:40Singing in the darkness
01:00:44Joining with your one voice
01:00:52And every note
01:00:55Another octave
01:00:56What's going on down there?
01:00:58If only one voice
01:01:02Would start it on its own
01:01:05We need just one
01:01:05What's all this racket?
01:01:07It's Trotter.
01:01:08He's drunk again.
01:01:09Why don't you take off your bed, Derek?
01:01:11Then that one voice would never be alone.
01:01:17Take that one voice.
01:01:31Back up all your cares and woes.
01:01:35There are no signs and woes.
01:01:38Why don't you shut up, Mac? You're making it worse.
01:01:43You want me to shut up?
01:01:46Why don't you make me shut up?
01:01:48Right, I'll shut that big mouth of yours.
01:01:51Downstairs. It's a firewood.
01:01:54Right, I'm in for some of that.
01:01:57Oh, no, that's all we need.
01:02:02Gelboy!
01:02:04Gel, come in here.
01:02:08Oh, no.
01:02:22Hello?
01:02:24Yeah.
01:02:27All right. Bye-bye.
01:02:28Gelboy's singing in the precinct.
01:02:44Gel's singing in the precinct.
01:02:47Oh, I can't hear anything.
01:02:49No, it was Albert on the phone.
01:02:52Gel's singing on the estate.
01:02:53It's a quarter past two in the morning and Del's singing.
01:02:59Why?
01:03:00I don't know.
01:03:02You're working anyone up?
01:03:04Yeah, you and me for a start.
01:03:08Albert, why is Del singing?
01:03:11Yeah.
01:03:14Hmm.
01:03:16Mm-hmm.
01:03:18All right?
01:03:18No, he don't know either.
01:03:24What do you mean, come round?
01:03:25What do you want me to do?
01:03:26Harmonise with him?
01:03:29Albert, there's not a song in the world Del knows all the words to,
01:03:32so he'll be finished in a minute, won't he?
01:03:35No, I'm not coming round.
01:03:37I'll see you tomorrow.
01:03:38I can't believe him.
01:03:41I'll bet I go round and see what's that.
01:03:49It takes that one voice
01:04:02Just one voice
01:04:06Singing in the darkness
01:04:11All it takes is one voice
01:04:18Shout it out and let it ring
01:04:22Just one voice
01:04:30It takes that one voice
01:04:37It takes that one voice
01:04:37And everyone will sing
01:04:45What's happening now, Ruddy?
01:05:03What's happening?
01:05:04They're rioting again.
01:05:05That's what's happening.
01:05:07Why don't you have a look for yourself?
01:05:09You're joking.
01:05:10I might get a brick come through the window.
01:05:13We're on the 12th bloody floor, Al.
01:05:14What do you think they've done?
01:05:16Invited Jeff Copes along?
01:05:19Mrs Murphy said they've brought the horses out.
01:05:21Yeah, they have.
01:05:23Police have gone to get theirs now.
01:05:28Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi.
01:05:29Can't you turn that telly down?
01:05:30I'm in here trying to get some sleep, ain't I, eh?
01:05:33I don't believe it.
01:05:34Oi!
01:05:35Would you have a look out that window
01:05:36and see what's happening?
01:05:38Well, what's the matter now?
01:05:39It's a full-scale inner-city riot
01:05:41going on downstairs.
01:05:43They're all there, Del.
01:05:45The SPGs, snatch squads, looters,
01:05:48people who want to get on telly,
01:05:49and unless I'm very much mistaken, Kate Adie.
01:05:54Oh.
01:05:56Oh, well.
01:05:57What started them all off again, then?
01:05:59You!
01:05:59Me?
01:06:01What have I done?
01:06:02Yeah, we're singing, Del.
01:06:03Singing?
01:06:04Me?
01:06:05Now, don't try and deny it, son,
01:06:06because I heard you.
01:06:07Singing?
01:06:09Oh, yeah, let's...
01:06:09No, wait a minute.
01:06:10I remember now.
01:06:10Let's try.
01:06:11I was celebrating, Rondie.
01:06:13Raquel and Damien are coming home.
01:06:14Oh, well, that's a good reason
01:06:15for a civil war, isn't it?
01:06:18Well, I was feeling a bit euphoric.
01:06:20What's more natural than to give vent your joy
01:06:23with a little song, eh?
01:06:24It was one voice singing in the darkness.
01:06:27Yeah, I've got them now.
01:06:28It's bloody thousands of them.
01:06:30All right.
01:06:31Okay.
01:06:31I'm sorry.
01:06:34Oh, well, that's all right, then,
01:06:36isn't it, Albert?
01:06:37All right, what do you want me to do?
01:06:38You tell me what I should do,
01:06:39and I'll do it.
01:06:40Oh, well, why don't you just stand out
01:06:41on the balcony and shout,
01:06:42Stop it!
01:06:43Oh, don't be ridiculous.
01:06:44I won't take no notice of that, will they?
01:06:46I'll do what I'm going to do.
01:06:49I'm going to get dressed,
01:06:50and I'm going to go down now.
01:06:51All right.
01:06:52Here, listen, what are you going to do?
01:06:54You're going to try and talk sensing to them?
01:06:56No.
01:06:57Going to flog them some of this ski gear.
01:07:01There we are.
01:07:06Lovely chubbly.
01:07:08Come on, Ed.
01:07:08Off we go.
01:07:14Are you going to check them?
01:07:15Hmm?
01:07:16I don't have to.
01:07:17I know what's in them.
01:07:17They're Russian video recorders, isn't it?
01:07:19No, mate, aren't you going to check their archive?
01:07:21Yeah, I've had a look at one.
01:07:22They've got buttons and lights and things.
01:07:24They seem kosher to me.
01:07:25Go on, get it in there.
01:07:31That woman.
01:07:39There.
01:07:42What's the matter with you?
01:07:44Hmm?
01:07:45Oh, don't matter.
01:07:46Forget it.
01:07:48Come on, hurry up, Rodney.
01:07:49Let's get all this stuff down to the garage,
01:07:51and I've got to go and pick up Raquel and Damien
01:07:53from your place.
01:07:55You all right?
01:07:55Yes, yeah, come on.
01:07:57Come on, just...
01:07:58I saw the riot on TV this morning.
01:08:10What started it this time?
01:08:12I don't know.
01:08:14Seems to be the slightest little thing
01:08:16starts it all off these days.
01:08:19Still,
01:08:20it was all nice and quiet
01:08:22when I left this evening.
01:08:23No!
01:08:49No!
01:08:50No!
01:08:50No!
01:08:51No!
01:08:52No!
01:08:52Oh, my God.
01:09:22Well, you said it all quite down.
01:09:36I'd like to turn around and go back to Wobby and Cassandra's.
01:09:40We live here.
01:09:42How the hell are we going to get through that lot of monkeys?
01:09:46Well, I'm not turning round.
01:09:52Hold it, hold it, hold it.
01:09:58It's Del Boyd.
01:10:12Come through, Del.
01:10:13Hey, Texo, I've got that VCR that goes with your camera.
01:10:30Nice one, Del.
01:10:31We run tomorrow.
01:10:33Wait, Alex, tell your sister I've got her video recorder.
01:10:37Right, Del.
01:10:37I'll tell her to choose her one of her own for tea.
01:10:39Lovely-dobly.
01:10:44Lovely-dobly.
01:10:45Oh, my God.
01:11:15Oh, Del, this is Beverly.
01:11:43Beverly, this is my, well, this is Del.
01:11:48Hi.
01:11:50Hello.
01:11:52Watch out.
01:11:55Beverly's interested in Damien's high chair.
01:11:58How'd she find out about that?
01:12:00I saw an ad in the newsagent's window.
01:12:02I was out the other night on my own.
01:12:05You know, nothing to do.
01:12:05Oh, yeah.
01:12:08So my daughter's baby.
01:12:10His name's Damien as well.
01:12:12Could you deliver it later today?
01:12:15Yeah, yeah, I suppose so, yeah.
01:12:17Del, Beverly might not be able to afford the full amount.
01:12:19Do you think we could come to some arrangement with her?
01:12:21Yeah, yeah, well, yeah.
01:12:22Well, I'll leave that up to you, sweetheart.
01:12:25Look, I just remembered I've got to go out and meet someone.
01:12:27Yeah.
01:12:28Nice meeting you.
01:12:31Yeah.
01:12:33Bye.
01:12:35It's not usually like that.
01:12:37Must be pressure of business.
01:12:40Hmm.
01:12:40Rodney, Rodney.
01:12:45Rodney's got a problem.
01:12:46I've got a big problem.
01:12:49Do you know that woman that we saw in the market the other day?
01:12:52The one who wasn't there?
01:12:53Yes, that one.
01:12:54She's only haunting me, Rodney.
01:12:55She's only bloody haunting me.
01:12:57Haunting?
01:12:58What do you mean haunting her?
01:12:59She's haunting me.
01:13:00She is the one that I made a date with and then gave her the elbow.
01:13:04And ever since then, she's everywhere that I look.
01:13:08And the other night, she was here.
01:13:09She was here.
01:13:09She was here in the pub.
01:13:10And then this morning, I was driving down the road, and she was standing there by a bus stop.
01:13:14And then she was in the market the other day.
01:13:16Do you remember?
01:13:16You saw her.
01:13:17No, I didn't.
01:13:18Yeah.
01:13:18See what I mean?
01:13:20And today, to top it all, today, I went home, and she's in my flat.
01:13:25Was she doing in your flat?
01:13:26Oh, she said that she'd come to buy Damien's high chair.
01:13:28If she thinks I'm going to believe that, she's got another thing coming.
01:13:31Why did she know it was for sale?
01:13:32She said that she saw the ad that I placed in the newsagents.
01:13:36Oh, that is a bit far-fetched, isn't it?
01:13:39Exactly.
01:13:39Oh, you crack me up, you two.
01:13:42Let's have a look at the facts, shall we?
01:13:44So, she was in this pub.
01:13:45Now, maybe, just maybe, she was having a drink.
01:13:49And then you saw her in the market lunchtime.
01:13:51Do you reckon she might have been shopping?
01:13:52Bit of a coincidence, though, that, innit?
01:13:56And then you saw her waiting at a bus stop.
01:13:58Now, this is just a hunch, Dill.
01:14:00But do you reckon there is an outside chance that she might have been waiting for a bus?
01:14:05Well, I don't know, do I?
01:14:06I'll tell you what I do know, though.
01:14:07She is an ex-psychiatric patient.
01:14:10So?
01:14:12Well, she is a jealous woman, Rodney, a woman scorned.
01:14:17Now, jealous women are no problem to me.
01:14:20Normally, you know, I mean, I can handle all that.
01:14:22But this one is a jealous woman who's an olive short of a pizza.
01:14:29And she knows where we live.
01:14:31We could all wake up one morning and find we were still while we were asleep.
01:14:35You're just letting your imagination run away with you.
01:14:38Does she seem odd in any way?
01:14:41I don't know.
01:14:42You can judge for yourself.
01:14:44You've got to go and deliver the high chair.
01:14:47Well, I've got to go.
01:14:48Because I've got a wife and kid.
01:14:50Yeah, but I've got a wife and...
01:14:53for mum, it aren't I?
01:14:59Raquel?
01:15:01Raquel, where are... Raquel?
01:15:02Raquel?
01:15:20Oh, no.
01:15:32Oh, no.
01:15:42Oh, my God!
01:15:44Look!
01:15:49Albert's boiling his pants again.
01:15:54What's wrong, Del?
01:15:56Where's the gerbil?
01:15:57In Damien's room.
01:15:58He's playing with it.
01:15:59Del, what is wrong with you?
01:16:02I've got to sort this all out.
01:16:03I've got to sort it all out.
01:16:06I've got to go out, darling.
01:16:07I've got to meet someone.
01:16:08Right, now, you listen to what I've got to say.
01:16:26You leave me and my family alone.
01:16:29You don't frighten me.
01:16:30I'm not scared of you.
01:16:31Shh!
01:16:32Mr. James.
01:16:33What's wrong with you, you moron?
01:16:37Oh, just a couple of fillings.
01:16:42You were following me.
01:16:51I've been following you.
01:16:52Yes.
01:16:53I thought it was the other way around.
01:16:55Everywhere I go, I see you.
01:16:57I go in the pub with my daughter and son-in-law,
01:16:59and you're there.
01:17:00I'm waiting for a bus, and you drive by.
01:17:03I go and do a bit of lunchtime shopping in the market,
01:17:06and surprise, surprise, there you are again.
01:17:09I even went to buy a second-hand high chair,
01:17:11and you walked in.
01:17:13Oh, I live there.
01:17:14OK, I'll let you off that one.
01:17:16Right.
01:17:18Listen, I think, Mr. Trotter,
01:17:20our wires have become crossed somewhere along the line.
01:17:23But you were in a psychiatric hospital.
01:17:26Yes.
01:17:27Oh, don't try and deny it.
01:17:30Yes, our friend of mine was visiting a relative there,
01:17:33and he saw you.
01:17:34Oh, yes.
01:17:35I work there as a receptionist.
01:17:40I'm a medical receptionist.
01:17:42It's what I do, see?
01:17:44So, you...
01:17:45You weren't following me.
01:17:47Oh, good God.
01:17:47Do you think I'm hard up?
01:17:49Eh?
01:17:49Now, understand this, Mr. Trotter.
01:17:53If you follow me,
01:17:54or come to my place of work and pester me again,
01:17:56I'm going to go to court,
01:17:57take out an injunction against you.
01:17:59Don't you worry, darling.
01:18:00This is the last.
01:18:00We'll hear of each other.
01:18:02Good.
01:18:03Oh, and by the way,
01:18:04I suppose I should have expected as much,
01:18:06but that high chair's got a screw loose.
01:18:11We'll tighten it.
01:18:12There we are, sweetheart.
01:18:23Go on it.
01:18:24Get that down, yeah.
01:18:26Oh, that was a lovely dinner, Achille.
01:18:29Thanks.
01:18:30Another drink, Cassandra.
01:18:31Better not.
01:18:32I'm doing the driving.
01:18:34Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
01:18:36Come on.
01:18:36You can stay over.
01:18:37We've got plenty of room.
01:18:38We can all mix in, can't we?
01:18:40Shall we?
01:18:41Yeah, let's enjoy ourselves, eh?
01:18:43Yes, that's it.
01:18:45You know it makes sense.
01:18:47Oh, darling,
01:18:48shall I put your tubular bells on?
01:18:50No, no, not yet, Del.
01:18:52All right, all right.
01:18:53She loves that tubular bells.
01:18:56Hey, come on, champ.
01:18:57It's bedtime for you.
01:18:59Come along.
01:18:59That's it.
01:19:00Come, let's go to bed.
01:19:01That's the boy.
01:19:02Off we go.
01:19:04Good night.
01:19:04Good night.
01:19:05All right.
01:19:06Say good night.
01:19:07Night.
01:19:08Kitty, lovely.
01:19:09Look at that.
01:19:10He's only ten.
01:19:11Oh, mate.
01:19:12Here we go.
01:19:14Which is your running?
01:19:16So what did you get Del for Christmas?
01:19:18I got him one of those answering machines he's always on about.
01:19:21That'll save me getting any more rollikings for forgetting messages.
01:19:25Yeah, you know, this is quite a good one.
01:19:26How much did this cost you?
01:19:28Shh.
01:19:28It didn't actually cost anything.
01:19:30I swapped it for Damien's high chair.
01:19:32Yeah?
01:19:33Yeah, you know, I reckon you've got a good deal there.
01:19:35Yeah.
01:19:36Does it work?
01:19:39Oh, hello, Beverly.
01:19:40This is Del Boy.
01:19:42Um, I'm sorry.
01:19:45I've got to cancel our date tonight.
01:19:48Um, you know, I've got any problems.
01:19:51All right?
01:19:53Bon short.
01:19:53Watch out.
01:19:57Trotters about.
01:19:58Hey, watch out.
01:20:00Trotters about.
01:20:01Hey, watch out now.
01:20:04Trotters about.
01:20:06Hey, come on.
01:20:07Well, come on, smile.
01:20:14Come on, sweetheart.
01:20:15Don't touch me, Trotter.
01:20:16Don't come near me.
01:20:17Don't even look at me.
01:20:20What have you said to her, Rodney?
01:20:22Me?
01:20:22I haven't said anything.
01:20:24Don't try and blame Rodney.
01:20:25It's nothing to do with him.
01:20:26Don't look at me either, son.
01:20:28I'm keeping up with this.
01:20:30Look.
01:20:30Oh, here you are, Raquel.
01:20:31Are you feeling better now, darling?
01:20:33Hey, Raquel, that could have hit me.
01:20:35It was meant to hit you.
01:20:37Holy infant so tender and mild
01:20:44Sing it in heavenly peace
01:20:51Sing it in heavenly peace
01:20:58Will someone tell me what have I done?
01:21:04What have I done?
01:21:07What have I done?
01:21:11It's amazing.
01:21:15I came back to school
01:21:15toidbs.
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