Comfort Costs | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 27)

Name: Comfort Costs | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 27)
Uploaded: 2025-06-10T23:06:27+00:00
Duration: 1 h 28 s
Channel: Lerin Gaines

Lerin Gaines

2 days ago

Comfort Costs | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 27)

Featuring: Transformational Tuesday, Mentorship Series

Tuesday | June 10th, 2025

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Song of The Day: "Cranes in the Sky" by Solange
Released 2016 | A Seat at The Table

Burning Questions: What is your body trying to tell you through your spending habits?

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411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines
DISC 5: Restoration
Track 27: Comfort Costs
©️ 2025 Black Diamond Consultations Network
LerinGaines.com

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00:00:00Thank you for joining us.

00:03:59Thank you so much for coming in.

00:04:01This is going to be a great episode.

00:04:03It's touched home a little bit.

00:04:06It takes me down memory lane a little bit and these are real life situations that we speak

00:04:13about each and every day here, each and every night.

00:04:16And if we could just get through to one person, if we have one breakthrough, if we have one aha moment, things can change.

00:04:30So, yes, we're here, transformational Tuesday.

00:05:00Shout out to anybody from Trenton, New York, we had our first assignment from Trenton, New Jersey, Devin, 29, originally from Trenton, but he recently moved to Atlanta, Georgia to get a fresh start.

00:05:16So, last night.

00:05:46So, I don't know.

00:05:48So, I don't know who I'm speaking to tonight.

00:05:50So, I don't know who I'm speaking to tonight out there.

00:05:51I'm only speaking from experience, but if you get to a point where you might start to feel a certain way because you're able to live differently.

00:05:59You're able to shop at different places.

00:06:02You're able to go and make moves differently from the people that you grew up with or where you come from, you know, and there's always somebody that says, don't forget where you came from, which is so true.

00:06:14We never want to forget where we came from or where we came from.

00:06:19Don't forget.

00:06:21We just need to do everything we need to do to make sure that we don't go back.

00:06:24Like, so, Devin felt a certain way and the extra money that he did have and when he did level up, he just gave it all back away.

00:06:36He gave it away to the people who didn't want to help themselves.

00:06:39He gave it away to the people who just wanted to get a handout.

00:06:45So, if you want to learn about how we navigated last night through Devin's situation, please go ahead and watch that replay.

00:06:53The replays are available on YouTube.

00:06:57You can also get the replays on Facebook.

00:06:59You can get them on X.

00:07:01You can get them on DLive.

00:07:03You can get them on Twitch.

00:07:05You can also get them on Dailymotion as well.

00:07:08And plus, I place snippets on several different platforms as well.

00:07:13So, if you want to find out more about last night's show, please go ahead and check that out by checking out my social media platforms.

00:07:20Everything is at Laring Gains.

00:07:22So, let's get into the song of the day for today.

00:07:27Cranes in the Sky by Solange.

00:07:30Released in 2016 off of her album, A Seat at the Table.

00:07:35So, we're going to have a seat at the table tonight and we're going to speak about some comfort costs.

00:07:41Because it definitely does cost.

00:07:42If you want comfort in your life, it's going to cost you.

00:07:49It's going to cost you something, whether it's going to be emotional, whether it's going to be physical, whether it's going to be financial, and in some cases spiritual as well.

00:07:59So, you know, we cover all different realms here.

00:08:04Track 27, comfort costs.

00:08:07We're going to get into this Cranes in the Sky.

00:08:08So, when Solange is speaking, and I want you to think about your situation.

00:08:13Because we are all one and the same.

00:08:17We are all interconnected.

00:08:18So, as we go through tonight's assignment, as we go through tonight's scenario, I want you to just think about your situation.

00:08:25I have a rhetorical question to ask you as we get towards the end of the show for some reflection.

00:08:30So, Solange speaks about whatever situation she's going through.

00:08:37And she tries to drink it away.

00:08:40She tried to put one in the air.

00:08:43She tries to dance it away.

00:08:45She tried to change it with her hair.

00:08:49And she ran her credit card bill up.

00:08:51And that's just the first opening of the song.

00:08:53We didn't even get into all of the other stuff that she tried to do.

00:08:56But right there and then you run the credit card bill up.

00:08:59So, you know, of course, what we are here to speak about is money.

00:09:03So, we're going to stop it right there.

00:09:06And I want to say, as we listen to Solange speak about all of the things she tried to do.

00:09:13Drink it away.

00:09:13Put one in the air.

00:09:15Dance it away.

00:09:16Sex it away.

00:09:17Change it with her hair.

00:09:18Even ran her credit card bill up.

00:09:20Now we're going to need to back up a little bit.

00:09:22Because now, I've been there before.

00:09:27And then you ran your credit card bill up.

00:09:28How many of y'all out there have been there before?

00:09:31But at what point do we just want to pump the brakes and say enough is enough?

00:09:37And then we get into the next situation.

00:09:40And then we do the same thing over and over again.

00:09:42And then the same thing over and over again.

00:09:44Thinking that we're going to change it by doing all of these different things.

00:09:47Dressing a certain way.

00:09:48Acting a certain way.

00:09:49Going to places.

00:09:50Doing this.

00:09:51Doing that.

00:09:51Nothing you can do will fix the inner turmoil unless you stand over the sink and have a good long look at that person staring back at you in the mirror.

00:10:03There's no people.

00:10:05No person.

00:10:07There's no lover.

00:10:08There's no friend.

00:10:10There's no job.

00:10:11There's no car.

00:10:12There's no house.

00:10:13There's no money.

00:10:14The only person that could fix all of the situations that you have going on within you is you.

00:10:21Everything starts with self.

00:10:26My previous employer, they did a great job of challenging the managers to find the root cause of the issues that we were having within our teams.

00:10:37And through those scenarios and through the training and through the teaching, there were some breakthrough moments for myself.

00:10:48Because everything that we are looking at right now here is just surface material.

00:10:53If you have a situation, if you have, you know, back and forth drama and nonsense, whatever the case may be, within your household, within your spouse, within your situation on a job, sometimes that's just surface level.

00:11:05But we need to start to dig down deeper to figure out what the root cause is.

00:11:10What is causing you to give me an attitude?

00:11:13What is causing the situation for you to show up the way you were showing, disrespectful as a human, whatever the case may be.

00:11:19I'm just throwing it out there.

00:11:21It could be anything.

00:11:23Dig down deep and figure out what the root cause is.

00:11:26Now, through that training, I did such a good job of dissecting everybody else's problems, everyone else's situations.

00:11:33They came to me as the go-to person.

00:11:35Hey, Laren, I didn't even know that I was being a coach back in the day, but this is the whole setup process.

00:11:41I was doing it, working for somebody else, and now I do it, working for myself.

00:11:47But I did such a great job of dissecting and figuring out everybody else's problem.

00:11:51But I wasn't the one who, at the end of the day, took that long, hard look in the mirror.

00:11:55Because just as well as I'm a coach, I have a mentor, and I have coaches, and I have people that I look up to to help keep me on track.

00:12:04So I don't know everything, and I need to look up, and I need to continue to study and educate and learn and grow myself as well.

00:12:15So don't wait, people.

00:12:21Don't wait until you're like Janet Jackson and Joni Mitchell, and all of a sudden you wake up and you don't realize what you have until it's gone.

00:12:29I was that person.

00:12:30I was that person.

00:12:33You are your most valuable asset.

00:12:36Everything starts with self.

00:12:38I continuously say that time and time again.

00:12:40Everything starts with self.

00:12:41And as we dig into tonight's show, we're going to understand that everything starts with self.

00:12:46But my mentor always hits me with this.

00:12:49Laren, make sure that you choose wisely.

00:12:53After you've learned everything that you've learned and the BS that you've been through and the drama that you've been through,

00:12:58most of the time you did it to yourself.

00:13:01Nobody did it to you.

00:13:03But now that you know better, we're going to do better.

00:13:06But choose wisely.

00:13:08And today, ladies and gentlemen, I say that I choose me.

00:13:12And as we get into tonight's situation, as we get into tonight's scenario,

00:13:15we're going to help out Miss Vanessa in Charlotte, North Carolina.

00:13:18Shout out to everybody who's representing Charlotte, North Carolina, North Carolina, South Carolina, the Carolinas, I want to say.

00:13:29Thank you all so much out there for rocking with the 411 podcast.

00:13:32But just remember, everything starts with self.

00:13:35Choose wisely.

00:13:36Today, I choose you.

00:13:38I choose me.

00:13:40You choose you.

00:13:43We're going to help out Miss Vanessa here.

00:13:4736-year-old single mother of two in Charlotte, North Carolina.

00:13:51And she says, Laren, I've been working in customer service for over a decade and recently took on a second job to catch up on the bills.

00:14:00Sounds very familiar from my past.

00:14:02I just want to let you all know that.

00:14:04I realized something about myself that I never wanted to admit.

00:14:09I spend emotionally through food.

00:14:11I binge eat fast food when I'm sad.

00:14:14I reward myself with DoorDash on payday and order takeout just so that I don't have to face the silence in my house.

00:14:21I calculated it.

00:14:24In the last six months, I spent over $2,800 on food delivery alone.

00:14:29So when I did the math on that, that was approximately $25 a day that she's spending while she's at work.

00:14:36I'm assuming at work.

00:14:37And we're going to dissect this and get into it a little more.

00:14:40But $25 a day.

00:14:42So just think about that for those of you out there who might be in the same scenario.

00:14:46And this is not on groceries.

00:14:48This is just emotional eating and private moments of stress.

00:14:52My weight is up.

00:14:53My energy is down.

00:14:54And I feel trapped in a physical cycle that's costing me financially, mentally, and emotionally.

00:15:00How can I start holding myself accountable physically in a way that frees me from the invisible debt I'm carrying in my body and on my bank account?

00:15:10So she says, I'm sick and tired of, she says, I'm tired of being tired.

00:15:16And I want to reference Fannie Lou Hamer, Hamer, excuse me, Fannie Lou Hamer that says sick and tired of being sick and tired.

00:15:25So I'm going to take this back to the top.

00:15:28Vanessa's 36 year old single mother of two who lives in Charlotte, North Carolina.

00:15:33She's been working in customer service for over a decade and recently took on a second job to catch up on bills.

00:15:40She realized something about herself that she never wanted to admit.

00:15:44She spends emotionally through food.

00:15:46She binge eats fast food.

00:15:48And when she's sad, she rewards herself with DoorDash.

00:15:51And on payday, she orders takeout just so that she doesn't have to face the silence in her house.

00:15:58She calculates about maybe $2,800 on food alone within the past six months.

00:16:03And when I did the math, it was about $25 a day.

00:16:08And that's just on restaurant dining, DoorDash, takeout.

00:16:14That's not her shopping at the grocery store.

00:16:17This is just on emotional eating and private moments of stress.

00:16:20So this is basically her eating by herself and stress.

00:16:23No one else around $2,800.

00:16:26And that's within six months.

00:16:29Her weight is up.

00:16:30Her energy is down and she feels trapped in physical cycle that is costing her financially, mentally and emotionally.

00:16:37She wants to know how can she start holding herself accountable physically in a way that frees her from the invisible debt that she's carrying in her body and on her bank account.

00:16:48And she's tired of being tired.

00:16:51And I say, based off of the famous quote from Fannie Lou Hamer, sick and tired of being sick and tired.

00:17:00And when you are in some of these situations, when you want to break free and you want to live debt free, you have to get to the point where you're sick and tired of being sick and tired of yourself.

00:17:11Sick and tired of being sick and tired of doing the same things over and over and over and over again.

00:17:18So let's get into this.

00:17:20I got my pen.

00:17:21I got my pen and I'm ready to go here.

00:17:23So single mother of two.

00:17:26We don't know what the situation is like.

00:17:28We don't know what the past trauma is like.

00:17:31We don't know the ages of the children.

00:17:33But from experience, being raised by a single mother, being a single parent on my own as well, it ain't easy.

00:17:43So you got stress level there.

00:17:45So we need to do anything that we can do to make sure that you are healthy, that the kids are healthy.

00:17:51And we're speaking from a we're speaking from all of them spiritual because a breakup is never easy.

00:17:57So we got to get spiritually grounded.

00:18:00Mentally, we got to make sure that the family is right.

00:18:03You right.

00:18:03The family is right physically, which that's already an issue because we don't get into that because we clearly know that there are some issues when it comes to the physical realm with all of this fast food and takeout.

00:18:17But that's not helping and supporting the situation.

00:18:20And then, of course, financially.

00:18:21So we already know that we need to focus on all of these, but more so based off of the information that I know.

00:18:32The physical is an issue and a financial has become an issue.

00:18:36And the reason why I know that the financial is an issue because you have to take on a second job.

00:18:42Now, think about this.

00:18:44$2,800 in six months and now you're forced to go ahead and get another job.

00:18:49So your eating habits is causing you to have to work.

00:18:53Now, my question is, if you didn't spend as much money as you did on the fast food and the eating out and the dining, would you need to get a second job?

00:19:03And if you did need to get a second job, would you need to put in as many hours as you probably are putting in now?

00:19:09And on top of that, being a single mother.

00:19:11So this is kind of disturbing right off the bat.

00:19:16Because now I'm going to ask this question.

00:19:20Do you think that Vanessa is thinking about her children?

00:19:27I know that sounds terrible and that might be harsh.

00:19:29But are we thinking about the family unit here?

00:19:34Because the more that you are working, that's the less time that you're spending with the kids.

00:19:41Now, maybe she picks up this work when she's not with the children.

00:19:46I don't know.

00:19:47So there's nothing here that says anything about a father.

00:19:51There's nothing here that says anything about custody.

00:19:55There's joint custody, you know, nothing.

00:20:00So the only thing I could think of is that you're just a single mother and you're just rocking this thing out by yourself.

00:20:08Now, here we get into this.

00:20:09You realize something about yourself that you never wanted to admit.

00:20:13You spend emotionally through food.

00:20:16Binge eat fast food.

00:20:17When I'm sad.

00:20:20So now I'm going to stop right there.

00:20:22We need to figure out what's making you sad.

00:20:25Single mother, maybe it's the breakup.

00:20:27I have no idea.

00:20:29Then you reward yourself with DoorDash on payday.

00:20:34So when we sad, we eaten.

00:20:37And when we happy, we eaten.

00:20:41I've said this before.

00:20:43The first sin dealt with.

00:20:46Lack of something.

00:20:49And that lack of something was food.

00:20:53So the enemy was able to trick Eve into thinking that she didn't have something when basically she had everything.

00:21:02She had everything except one thing.

00:21:06So you had more of one than you had the other.

00:21:08But you got tricked up and thinking, oh, because I don't have this one little simple thing.

00:21:11Forgetting about all of the other stuff that you had.

00:21:14We needed to focus on that one thing.

00:21:17So.

00:21:17And of course, that one thing was food.

00:21:20So no coincidence that when most people are in debt and even you out there, anybody who is not in debt or maybe you are, I don't know what the situation is.

00:21:33But I challenge everyone to look at your look at last month's bills, look at last month's credit card statements, look at last month's bank statements, tally everything up.

00:21:45I can almost guarantee that food is going to be in your top three list of your expenses.

00:21:57I guarantee that food is going to be up there.

00:21:59And I'm talking about grocery store.

00:22:01I'm talking about restaurants.

00:22:02I'm talking about dining and all of that stuff.

00:22:04I'm sure that that's going to be at the top of the list.

00:22:07This one here, we need to figure out what the situation is that makes you sad.

00:22:11Because you're binge eating.

00:22:14Now, that word binge.

00:22:17That's a lot.

00:22:17That means you just keep going on and on and on and on and on until you snap yourself up and say, OK, I'm done.

00:22:25And I don't know what that breaking point is.

00:22:27And you reward yourself with DoorDash on payday.

00:22:30Every time you get paid, that doesn't necessarily mean that we need to go ahead and reward ourselves.

00:22:35And now you order takeout just so that you don't have to face the silence in your house.

00:22:42So that leads me to believe that the kids aren't there all the time.

00:22:49And when they're not there, you're eating.

00:22:51So now, Vanessa, I know it sounds harsh, but it just seems like Vanessa is just eating all over the place.

00:23:01Like whether you're happy, whether you're sad, the kids are there, they're not there.

00:23:03You're just eating and it's costing you and it's costing you.

00:23:08And now you have to go ahead and get another job, which is taking time away from you, taking time away from spending time with your family.

00:23:15The most valuable thing in this world is time.

00:23:20People think that it's money.

00:23:21People think that it's cars.

00:23:23People think that it's all of these materialistic things.

00:23:25But you can get all of those other things.

00:23:27You can't get back your life and you can't get back time.

00:23:32Time is more valuable than money.

00:23:33She says that her weight is up and down.

00:23:41Excuse me.

00:23:41Her weight is up and her energy is down.

00:23:44Yeah, right there.

00:23:45Your weight is up and your energy is down.

00:23:47Typically, that's what happens when you eat fast food.

00:23:49Your weight is going to go up and your energy level is going to be down.

00:23:54You're going to feel drained.

00:23:55You're going to feel sluggish.

00:23:56You're going to feel slothish.

00:23:58And you feel trapped in a physical cycle that is costing you financially.

00:24:03And it is.

00:24:04And it's costing you mentally and emotionally.

00:24:06Because mentally, you don't like what you're doing.

00:24:09You don't like the weight.

00:24:12You're in this cycle.

00:24:15And emotions are up and down.

00:24:17And it's costing you financially.

00:24:18This is a bad situation.

00:24:19And you want to know how can you start holding yourself accountable physically in a way that frees me from invisible debt.

00:24:28And the debt that you're carrying on your body and in your bank account.

00:24:35Vanessa doesn't list exactly what type of debt, how much debt.

00:24:39She just basically said what she's spending.

00:24:41Maybe she's not in any severe debt.

00:24:44But the first thing that I can say is everything starts with self.

00:24:47So if anybody wants to know how they can hold themselves accountable, how Vanessa can hold herself accountable, the first thing is to just stop swiping a credit card.

00:24:56Even if you have a bank card, it may not necessarily be a credit card.

00:25:02You might be taking it out of your own checking account.

00:25:05Stop using the card.

00:25:08You might need to go to a cash envelope system where you start to budget out exactly how much money do I have for restaurants this week?

00:25:17How much money do I have for groceries this week?

00:25:19How much money do I have for, you know, X, Y, and Z this week?

00:25:23And I'm going to put it in an envelope and I'm going to use cash to buy those things.

00:25:29What's going to happen is you won't have it attached to the card, so it won't be attached to your bank account.

00:25:35You've already taken the money out and put it aside so that as you're going and you're spending, you are mentally seeing and going through the motions of actually how much money is being spent.

00:25:47When we have that little plastic card and if we're not good with money and if we're not good with budgeting and if we don't know what's on the other end, we can just swipe, swipe, swipe, and swipe ourselves into overdraft fees.

00:26:02Swipe ourselves into over credit limit fees, maxed out credit cards, all types of situations because you're not visually seeing what's going on.

00:26:13You actually having the cash in your hand, you know when you run out because when you run out, it's done.

00:26:20It's a wrap.

00:26:20And if you stay on that cycle, it will teach you how to value money a little bit better than what you did the last cycle and you'll be able to ration it out properly.

00:26:31But it takes a very strong person to be able to say that once this money is done, this money is done.

00:26:36I'm not going to go back into the bank account.

00:26:38I'm not going to hit up the ATM.

00:26:39I'm not going to pull out my credit card.

00:26:41That's when I said you have to be to a point where you're sick and tired of being sick and tired because if you are sick and tired of being sick and tired and you have hit rock bottom and you can't get any lower and you're maxed out on this, you're overdrawn on this, you will figure out whatever you need to figure out to make this thing work.

00:26:59And if you've had enough of living like that, robbing Peter to pay Paul, once you do start to make some headway and you are at the point where you're like, forget that, I'm not going to do that again.

00:27:09I am done with that. That's when you know that you've made it and you are on the right path.

00:27:14You have to be sick and tired of being sick and tired.

00:27:17This is not for the person who is going to take the money out, put it aside, put it in the envelope.

00:27:22And then once the envelope is done, now we're running to the bank account and pulling it out and trying to do, you know, robbing Peter to pay Paul to make it work just so that you can get the things that you want to get.

00:27:32So I would say physically, this is one way that you can start to do it.

00:27:41Another thing that you can start to do is pick better food choices.

00:27:45I don't want to dismiss that part because when we are eating all of these fast food restaurants and door dashing and eating out at restaurants and we're not physically home making the food, we don't know the source.

00:27:58We don't know where it's coming from. We don't know if it's real.

00:28:01We don't know any of that stuff.

00:28:03We're just eating it because it tastes good and they put all types of stuff in there to get us hooked.

00:28:08When you are not making healthy food choices, it's going to show up in your financial world.

00:28:15It's going to distort your mind and you are going to become addicted to the flavors, the taste, the sensation of being able to have it at the drop of a dime.

00:28:26Snap your fingers and it's done. You just go and order it and it's right there.

00:28:29You're going to become addicted to all of that stuff and wrapped up and trapped up into the situation.

00:28:33So if you want to break away from that physically, we need to start making better food choices, which will help you physically.

00:28:42So what are you eating? Are we going for the burgers and are we going for the fries or are we picking, excuse me, are we picking healthier food choices?

00:28:53Are we going for the more natural foods?

00:28:56Yeah, maybe it might be a little bit more expensive in the beginning, but as you start to fine tune things and work things out, you, in most cases, you're going to feel a little better.

00:29:08So you won't constantly feel as if you're hungry all the time because you're making better food choices.

00:29:13Your energy levels are going to be up and you're going to be able to go from point A to point B without needing to stop and fill up again as well as what we've done in the past.

00:29:29I don't know who I'm speaking to. I'm just speaking from experience, but I used to live off of fast food.

00:29:34It wouldn't be normal for me to be in someone's drive through at least three to four times a day.

00:29:42Started off with Dunkin' Donuts.

00:29:45You name the fast food restaurant. I was there for lunch.

00:29:50I was there for dinner.

00:29:51And then when you are living like that with someone else who is on this vibrating on the same frequency as you.

00:30:02You know, it's just so easy for me to go and have, you know, a little snack.

00:30:08What we eat and where we going?

00:30:11Yeah, we had I'm not going to name the place, but we've had that.

00:30:14And we've had that three times this week.

00:30:16So let's just go ahead and go here and go there.

00:30:18Better food choices, better food choices is going to help you mentally.

00:30:25Once you get your mental together and you can start to think clearer because you're consuming higher vibrational foods.

00:30:35You will make better financial choices.

00:30:37This is all interconnected.

00:30:42Yeah, you might need to spend a little bit more on something that might be a little more substantial.

00:30:48OK, so that means that you don't eat out.

00:30:51That much, because if you were eating out five times a week, you're going to be spending a little bit more money to eat better.

00:31:00Now, maybe you only go out two times a week.

00:31:02Maybe it might be one time a week, just once, because we know that when we do go and spend, we're going to spend enough to cover from all of the other nonsense that we were doing before.

00:31:15And chop it down half of what you were spending.

00:31:19Let's not dismiss going to the grocery store and doing it yourself, doing it yourself, cooking it, knowing where it came from.

00:31:32For the most part, we won't know everything unless you go to the farm and, you know, pull it out yourself.

00:31:38But go to the grocery store and attempt to make it work and make it happen to yourself.

00:31:44Pack your lunches.

00:31:47Meal prep.

00:31:49I guarantee you won't be spending $2,800 within six months if you start to make sure you meal prep and you have your food together for the week.

00:31:59And maybe you go ahead and you want to say reward yourself, reward yourself because you did such a great job of brown bagging it for the whole week.

00:32:10And then on Friday when we get paid, yes, we made it through.

00:32:13We didn't go through the drive through.

00:32:14We didn't order DoorDash.

00:32:16We made it through the whole week.

00:32:17OK, so now I'm going to reward myself, but I'm going to reward myself with something a little more substantial than the fast food restaurants.

00:32:25So when you do sit down for that one meal a week, you're able to order something that makes sense for you.

00:32:39I'm tired of being tired.

00:32:41This is what Vanessa says.

00:32:43I'm tired of being tired.

00:32:44And I say, are you really tired?

00:32:47Because you have to be sick and tired of being sick and tired in order to make this thing work and make this change.

00:32:58I get it.

00:32:59You're in customer service.

00:33:01I was in retail for over 25 years.

00:33:03And what started off as a joke, because anytime anything used to bother me in the retail sector, in that type of environment, it's fast paced.

00:33:17It's always changing.

00:33:18There's always BS.

00:33:18There's always nonsense.

00:33:19This person calls out.

00:33:20This person is doing this.

00:33:21This one is giving this one an attitude.

00:33:23This one is sleeping with this one.

00:33:25This one is doing that.

00:33:27This thing over here became a situation.

00:33:29This person stole this.

00:33:31We don't know what happened to this.

00:33:34Money's missing over here.

00:33:37This person is talking about this one behind.

00:33:39Oh, and by the way, Laren, this person said this and said that.

00:33:41Just a whole bunch of nonsense.

00:33:43Then that's just surface level stuff.

00:33:45That's not even getting into the half.

00:33:47I'm going to write a book one day about the nonsense that goes on in the retail environment in a corporate world.

00:33:55Once I get connected with the right person, because I want to make sure that we do this thing right.

00:33:59We got something coming from coming to.

00:34:05I got stories to tell.

00:34:06But it started off as a joke.

00:34:12Whenever I get stressed out, Laren, you want me to go get you something?

00:34:16And then my closest managers, it used to become a joke like, oh, he has an attitude.

00:34:20He has this.

00:34:21He has that.

00:34:23Let's go and get him some food and make him happy.

00:34:26So they run the Dunkin Donuts, go do whatever, get me a snack.

00:34:29We had Pizza Hut.

00:34:30We had all types of stuff.

00:34:31I said I wasn't going to name names.

00:34:33But we had all that stuff around.

00:34:36And what happened is something that started off as a joke, something that was just whatever, became normal.

00:34:44Then my boss would come through.

00:34:46And if something didn't go right, something wasn't right, she'd be like, you need to take a break.

00:34:51You need to go eat something.

00:34:52You need to go take a break.

00:34:53How about you go take a break and come back?

00:34:55So it became normal that every time something went wrong, every time something didn't go in my favor, every time somebody pissed me off, every time there was a situation that I would just go on emotionally eat.

00:35:08Then it became even a bigger problem when I became a district manager and I was driving around in a car all day.

00:35:14You know how many fast food places that I, that's when I've, I will tell you that that's when I probably hit the peak.

00:35:21As I'm driving around from store to store to store to store and I can see all of the fast food restaurants and see everything I'm going to eat.

00:35:31And if I missed it on the way up, you better believe that I stopped on that way on the way back home.

00:35:38I gained probably over 20 pounds.

00:35:42And when I stopped eating the fast food, when I stopped doing the district manager job, when 2020 happened and we were forced to get locked down, that's when I started shedding all of that extra weight.

00:36:00But I put on a good extra 20 pounds by emotional eating, doing some of the same things that Vanessa is speaking about here.

00:36:11And there was no magic situation that happened.

00:36:15What it was is that I had some time to sit and think about my situation and I was able to change things by quieting some things down, silencing some things, shutting the noise off.

00:36:34One thing that's concerning here and Vanessa's situation is that whenever you do get time, whenever it is silent, you start to eat.

00:36:44So shutting things down and getting quiet.

00:36:48And I would say getting into your prayer state, getting into your meditative state.

00:36:52That should be key.

00:36:55But it seems as if, and I've heard this before, that when people just can't sit with themselves, they constantly have to be ripping and running.

00:37:04They constantly have to be in the company of somebody else.

00:37:08They constantly have to be doing something because once they get quiet and once they get in silence, I've had somebody tell me like that.

00:37:15That's when the devil starts to interact with them.

00:37:17Now, I'm not saying that that's the situation here, but it sounds like there are some issues and there's some trauma here because when you get in silence, that's when it becomes a problem.

00:37:29But in most cases, for some of us, we want that silence.

00:37:34We are doing a lot.

00:37:36We are working a lot.

00:37:37We are caught up in a matrix so much and people just say, oh, I just can't wait till I have that day off or I just can't wait till I have some time for myself or I just can't.

00:37:46So here, Vanessa, when you get this, you start to eat.

00:37:50And this eating situation is costing you money and costing you time, costing you energy, and you need to go out and get another job.

00:37:58And if I didn't know any better, you probably are in some sort of consumer debt because of this.

00:38:03So I would say, again, this is if I was in Vanessa's shoes, because I can't tell anybody what to do.

00:38:18I'm not here to give anybody advice.

00:38:20I'm just speaking from real life experiences, and I don't know who I'm speaking to.

00:38:24I'm just speaking from my experience.

00:38:25First thing I would do is evaluate and take that good, hard look in that mirror and see, OK, what is what is it going on here?

00:38:36What is it that I need to do?

00:38:38And this is what I did.

00:38:39And everything starts with self.

00:38:41I started to get with myself.

00:38:42I stopped worrying about what everybody else had.

00:38:44I don't care who I was attached to at the moment.

00:38:46I don't care what the situation was at the moment.

00:38:48I started to turn inward and focus on learning.

00:38:52And once I started to do that, my eyes started to open up and see things from a spiritual lens.

00:39:00And I'm like, OK, I get it now.

00:39:03And then from there, I started to get my mind set together.

00:39:09And once I started to get my mind set together and I started to think differently about the choices that I was making and the decisions that I was making,

00:39:18it showed up in a physical realm, because guess what?

00:39:21Now I'm no longer going to these fast food restaurants.

00:39:25I'm no longer signing up and eating what you want to eat.

00:39:29I backed up.

00:39:30I stopped eating meat.

00:39:31I turned back to a pescatarian, which I was years ago.

00:39:36But I decided to go along to get along and fit in, get in where I fit in and started to make poor eating habits just because I wanted to be with somebody else

00:39:47and do what somebody else wanted to do, like we spoke about last night, being a people pleaser.

00:39:52So I said, no, no, no, no.

00:39:53Let's back this thing up.

00:39:55Let's go back from day one.

00:39:57Before all of this stuff happened, when you were by yourself from day one, because everything starts with self.

00:40:04What were the things that you were into?

00:40:06What were the things that you enjoyed?

00:40:07Thank you so much for joining.

00:40:08I appreciate you.

00:40:09What were some of the things that you enjoyed to do?

00:40:11And for me, it was a non-meat eater.

00:40:15I was always intrigued by it.

00:40:18And I even when I was younger and I was like, when I get to a certain point and I can start to make my own food choices, this is what I'm going to do.

00:40:26And doing that, I started to make better food choices, which would help me focus on my mental.

00:40:34And then, of course, it showed up in the physical.

00:40:38And then, of course, these are all interconnected.

00:40:40It showed up in the financial because guess what?

00:40:43I'm not spending all of that money doing all of the poor habits.

00:40:48So these are all interconnected.

00:40:50But again, everything starts with self.

00:40:52We can't get to one until we do the other.

00:40:56If you have something different tonight, based off the way that I dissected this situation here tonight, you might have a different take on it.

00:41:10You might have a different spin on it.

00:41:12You most certainly can reach out to me and let me know how you feel about tonight's assignment here that we dissected.

00:41:18That's 609-200-1098.

00:41:21That is the official 4-1-1 podcast, Reading Between the Wines hotline.

00:41:25Let me know how you feel about tonight's situation.

00:41:27You can also email me at info, I-N-F-O, at laryngaines.com.

00:41:35If you have something that you'd like me to bring up here tonight on the show, send that to me.

00:41:41You can DM me as well.

00:41:42I am on Facebook.

00:41:43I am on Instagram.

00:41:44I am on X, YouTube, TikTok, DLive, Twitch, Dailymotion.

00:41:49Let me know what you got going on here.

00:41:51You never know.

00:41:52We might go ahead and use your situation as a scenario to dissect and help us all learn, educate, grow, get to the next level.

00:42:05We can make it anonymous.

00:42:06I could do whatever we need to do to make this thing work for you if you have some questions and want me to get into some of your scenarios.

00:42:16Right now, we are getting ready to get into the burning question.

00:42:20Again, that number is 609-200-1098.

00:42:23That is the official 4-1-1 podcast, Reading Between the Wines hotline.

00:42:28You can go ahead and comment and let me know how you feel.

00:42:30Text me.

00:42:31Let me know how you feel about tonight's question.

00:42:33Burning question.

00:42:34What is your body trying to tell you through your spending habits?

00:42:40This is a rhetorical question.

00:42:44What is your body trying to tell you through your spending habits?

00:42:48As I spoke about my previous life, the old version of myself, 20 pounds over my normal weight.

00:42:58My body was telling me that tired, sluggish.

00:43:07I didn't feel good about myself.

00:43:09I had a little attitude when summertime came.

00:43:14Didn't want to pull my shirt off walking down a beach.

00:43:17Finally, I said, you know what?

00:43:20This is just ridiculous.

00:43:22You don't sit here and have an attitude as somebody else because they did the right thing.

00:43:26They made the right choices.

00:43:29They focused on themselves and they focused on their body.

00:43:32How are you going to get mad at somebody else?

00:43:34I think one summer I just finally said, that's ridiculous that you even can frown your face up or look crazy at somebody because they put their work in and you didn't.

00:43:45I wanted to be that one that could walk around with my shirt off and feel good about myself.

00:43:54And it took me till 2022.

00:43:58I finally took a picture in 2022 where I was able to take my shirt off and be okay at the poolside.

00:44:06So 2020, I got it together and I shed the weight and I put the work in, but it took some time.

00:44:13So if you are out there and you might be in a situation where you may not be feeling so great and feeling so wonderful about yourself, remember everything starts with self.

00:44:26And what we are experiencing today is basically what we were thinking about yesterday.

00:44:32So whatever situation that you're in, if it's not the ideal situation, just remember that that's because of your thought process.

00:44:39That's what you were thinking.

00:44:41That's how you have been thinking.

00:44:43So in order to change that, you're going to have to change your thought process.

00:44:46You're going to have to fix that.

00:44:49And you can.

00:44:51Today could be the day where you're just like, you know what?

00:44:54Absolutely not.

00:44:54I'm just not going to do it.

00:44:56I know for me, it was life changing.

00:44:58In 2019, when I met my mentor, I said, I don't know what's going on.

00:45:04I'm spinning out of control.

00:45:06My life is crazy.

00:45:07And I just, I'm seeking.

00:45:09I need some help.

00:45:10I'm done with this.

00:45:112019, it started a chain reaction and the breakthrough moment happened in 2020.

00:45:18And as I continued to work, I never stopped giving up.

00:45:24I'm not saying that it was easy.

00:45:26There were some times when I wanted to give up.

00:45:28I kept pushing through and pushing through and pushing through until I got the results that I wanted.

00:45:33And 2022 was a great year for me, a great year for me in some aspects.

00:45:40But then in others, it was an eye opening situation.

00:45:43Like, OK, we made it this far, but just don't get too comfortable.

00:45:47We made it this far, but you still have some work to do.

00:45:50And as I stand here today, speaking, it's the same situation.

00:45:57There's just levels to this.

00:45:59We don't all of a sudden get to a certain point and just say, OK, we're going to go ahead and do easy street.

00:46:05We just going to go ahead and back up.

00:46:06We just going to go ahead and put it on cruise control.

00:46:09There's different levels.

00:46:10And I'm sure you've all heard the term new levels, new devils.

00:46:15There's always going to be something.

00:46:17So we have to make sure that we are prepared and we're on point.

00:46:23Because we never know what's going to be thrown at us.

00:46:28In your current situation, what is your body trying to tell you through your spending habits?

00:46:36Look at your own situation.

00:46:38Like I said, go back last month.

00:46:41Look at your credit card statement.

00:46:44Look at your bank statement.

00:46:47Look at the top three.

00:46:48We're going to just say the top three expenses that you had last month.

00:46:54Most likely food is going to be up there.

00:46:57Of course, you got your housing.

00:46:58Of course, you got your car.

00:46:59I get all of that.

00:47:01Those are a given.

00:47:02OK, so if they're at the top, pull them off because that's a given.

00:47:08Food should be right underneath there.

00:47:10Now, if you really want to have some breakthrough moments, dig a little deeper.

00:47:16So, OK, this is how much money we spent on food.

00:47:20What did we buy?

00:47:22How many times did we go to a restaurant?

00:47:25Now, how many times a week did we go to a restaurant?

00:47:27When I go through it, I'm like, all right, sometimes, all right, back up, you know, went to too many, you know, restaurants, you know, did too much last week or vice versa.

00:47:38And it keeps me in check.

00:47:43Do I love to eat?

00:47:45Absolutely.

00:47:45I think food is amazing.

00:47:49Especially paired with some great wine.

00:47:51OK, I'm right there.

00:47:52But that doesn't mean that I have to take advantage of a situation.

00:47:57One of my own personal quotes that I have to speak to myself is you can have a little bit of everything that you want in life.

00:48:05You can't just get crazy over any.

00:48:07Excuse me.

00:48:07I'm going to back that up.

00:48:08You can have a little bit of anything that you want in life.

00:48:11You just can't get crazy over any one thing.

00:48:16Whether it be food, whether it be money, whether it be sex, whether it be a relationship, whether it even be your job, whether it be that house or whether it be that car, whether it be whatever extracurricular activities that you do off on the side.

00:48:31I don't care what it is.

00:48:32You can have a little bit of everything that you want in life.

00:48:34You just can't get crazy over any one thing.

00:48:37And in this scenario that we went through tonight, it seems like Vanessa has got crazy over that one thing.

00:48:46Sometimes we do it with people.

00:48:48We start to put people on a pedestal.

00:48:50We start to think that this relationship is everything.

00:48:53We start to put our time, our energy, our money, our focus into that one thing.

00:48:58And then when that situation falls and crumbles, because, listen, God is a jealous God and we can't have any other gods.

00:49:05So let's not walk around making gods, money, people, this, that, job, cars.

00:49:11So, listen, nothing ever stays the same.

00:49:14And once you start to put so much time and energy and focus.

00:49:18Yes.

00:49:20It could crumble and fall.

00:49:22What goes up must come down.

00:49:24And in Vanessa's situation, we clearly see that this is a, what do we call that, a house of cards situation.

00:49:37It's not built on a steady foundation.

00:49:39That's not going to be able to sustain over a long period of time.

00:49:44When you put people on a pedestal, what's stopping them?

00:49:50Everything changes in life.

00:49:51Nothing stays the same.

00:49:52Someone can wake up tomorrow and do a 180 on you and say that they don't want to be with you.

00:49:56And guess what?

00:49:57That's exactly what that means.

00:50:02We can't get crazy when things don't work out our way.

00:50:05All right, listen, I don't know who I'm speaking to.

00:50:10I'm just speaking from experience.

00:50:11It was a breakthrough moment for me.

00:50:13It was an aha moment for me.

00:50:15A lot of these things that I spoke about in tonight's show are some of the things that I have battled majority of my life.

00:50:22I'm just here to be an example, to be a witness.

00:50:28Maybe I can help somebody else break through.

00:50:35Burning questions.

00:50:37What is your body trying to tell you through your spending habits?

00:50:40If you want to go ahead and chime in on tonight's burning question, please do me a favor and please text me 609-210-98.

00:50:47You can also drop it in the comments and let me know what you have going on here.

00:50:51I would appreciate that.

00:50:54Let's see.

00:50:54I think I have a comment here.

00:50:56I do not have a comment.

00:50:58I thought I did, but that's okay.

00:51:02Also, I want to speak about this too.

00:51:05And I know I probably shouldn't bring this up.

00:51:07I'm not going to put anybody on blast.

00:51:13But I have had somebody that has been doing the most.

00:51:18I'm going to just put it that way.

00:51:20When it comes to interacting with certain platforms.

00:51:25And I appreciate all of the love and support that's out there from different ways.

00:51:32But no is incomplete.

00:51:38What do they say?

00:51:39No is a complete sentence.

00:51:43That's exactly what that means.

00:51:45Let's just leave it at that.

00:51:47No is a complete sentence.

00:51:49And I'm going to leave it at that.

00:51:50But if you don't get a response, I'm working on it.

00:51:54I will try my best to get back to you as soon as possible.

00:51:59That does not mean that you have to continuously keep sending the same stuff over and over and over and over and over again.

00:52:06And then, of course, I'm going to just contribute that to spam.

00:52:09And depending on what platform I'm working with, they're going to probably contribute that to being spam.

00:52:17I'm not going to put the person's name out there.

00:52:19But if you're listening, I'm sure you know who you are.

00:52:24And as I used to say back in the day, unacceptable.

00:52:31So this is tonight's show.

00:52:33I want to say thank you so, so, so much to each and every one of you out there listening.

00:52:37I appreciate you.

00:52:40The best thing that you can do to help support this movement is to, number one, just check me out.

00:52:48I drop daily content right here, same place.

00:52:53Check me out daily.

00:52:54Please like, comment, share, subscribe so you can get all of the notifications.

00:53:00Tag your friends.

00:53:01Save the videos.

00:53:04Share the videos.

00:53:05Do whatever you can do to help support and stay connected.

00:53:09You can check me out on Facebook.

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00:53:13X, TikTok, DLive, Twitch, YouTube, Dailymotion.

00:53:17The audio version is available where most podcasts are.

00:53:22So Spotify, iHeartRadio, iHeartRadio, Deezer, PocketCast, you name it.

00:53:32It's on so many different platforms.

00:53:34So wherever you listen to your favorite podcast, just go ahead and check that out.

00:53:39And if you find that we are not on the specific platform that, you know, you're used to, just shoot me a text.

00:53:47Shoot me a DM.

00:53:48And I will try my best to go ahead and make that work.

00:53:51If there's something that you felt that was that aha moment, something that triggered you tonight, something that said, hmm, you know, that song, things that make you go, hmm.

00:54:07If you've had that moment tonight where you might want to want to learn a little bit more, like what is this guy speaking about?

00:54:15I want to know what he's talking about, this debt-free living, living type of situation.

00:54:19Head on over to LarenGaines.com.

00:54:22You can learn a little bit more.

00:54:24You can also sign up for my free monthly newsletter called Whispers of Wisdom.

00:54:30Awesome, inspirational, motivational content delivered to your inbox once a month.

00:54:35And it's all centered around everything that we do here at Black Diamond Consultations.

00:54:41I focus on debt-free living.

00:54:43How do we get out of debt and how do we stay out of debt?

00:54:45And we focus on doing those through four realms, four lenses, four pillars, the spiritual, the mental, the physical, and the financial.

00:54:54That was the journey that I went on, embarked on in 2020 when I decided to get up and take responsibility for myself and get my life together.

00:55:03And it did not happen overnight.

00:55:062020, I started and in reality, there were some shakeups and there were some setbacks in 2022 that catapulted me to get myself together

00:55:18and get my situation together to help clean it up and have a breakthrough moment at the tail end of 2023 going into 2024.

00:55:26So this was a process.

00:55:29This was a journey.

00:55:30So whatever you did to get into debt, whatever you did to get yourself into a situation,

00:55:35it's not like we just go ahead and flip the light switch on or at the snap of a finger and all of a sudden we're done.

00:55:41However long you've been digging yourself a hole, not saying it is going to take you that same amount of time to get out,

00:55:50but it definitely is going to take you something.

00:55:53And I can help you with that.

00:55:55You can also go ahead and head on over to laryngains.com and sign up for the free 15-minute consultation.

00:56:03Apply to see if you qualify because we need to make sure that this is a good match.

00:56:08This is a good situation.

00:56:09I need to understand that you really are sick and tired of being sick and tired and you have hit rock bottom and you don't want to do it anymore.

00:56:18This is not for everybody.

00:56:20Debt-free living is interesting and not everybody can handle it.

00:56:24I'm just going to put it that way.

00:56:25It's an interesting lifestyle.

00:56:26It's a way of life.

00:56:28You have to basically give up being dependent on somebody else to fuel your situation.

00:56:36You have to want to be the person to fuel your own.

00:56:40Head on over to laryngains.com to find out more information on that.

00:56:44Now tomorrow, we're going to have a good show tomorrow.

00:56:49Tomorrow's Wednesday, Wind Down Wednesday.

00:56:52We always have a great time.

00:56:54Sampling some wine.

00:56:56I got some white wine.

00:56:57The weather's going to be good tomorrow, so it's going to pair very well with the weather.

00:57:02I have my mentee coming in, friend of the show, author Birdman313.

00:57:11So as we go through the assignment tomorrow, you're going to get Birdman's perspective.

00:57:17You're going to get my perspective as well, and we're going to tie this thing all together with a nice bottle of wine.

00:57:23And I have another book reading as well, so we're going to pair it with some financial literacy tomorrow.

00:57:317 p.m.

00:57:35Same place.

00:57:37At Laryngains.

00:57:40Check me out tomorrow.

00:57:41Reading Between the Wines.

00:57:42Mark your calendars.

00:57:45Tag your friends.

00:57:46Bring them in.

00:57:47Lots of laughter.

00:57:50Lots of good time.

00:57:50Just keep it real.

00:57:52These are real-life situations, and we just go ahead and let it do what it do.

00:57:57So tomorrow, Reading Between the Wines, see y'all tomorrow.

00:58:03I want to say thank you, thank you, thank you so much to everybody who joined in, who have stayed throughout the whole show.

00:58:10I appreciate you, and I will see you when I see you.

00:58:13Have a good night.

00:58:15Wine Down Wednesday tomorrow, author Birdman313.

00:58:19Check me out.

00:58:27Wine Down Wednesday tomorrow, author Birdman313.

00:58:57Wine Down Wednesday tomorrow, author Birdman313.

00:59:27Wine Down Wednesday tomorrow, author Birdman313.

00:59:29Wine Down Wednesday tomorrow, author Birdman313.

00:59:30Wine Down Wednesday tomorrow, author Birdman313.

00:59:31Wine Down Wednesday tomorrow, author Birdman313.

00:59:32Wine Down Wednesday tomorrow, author Birdman313.

00:59:33Wine Down Wednesday tomorrow, author Birdman313.

00:59:34Wine Down Wednesday tomorrow, author Birdman313.

00:59:35Wine Down Wednesday tomorrow, author Birdman313.

00:59:36Wine Down Wednesday tomorrow, author Birdman313.

00:59:37Wine Down Wednesday tomorrow, author Birdman313.

00:59:38Wine Down Wednesday tomorrow, author Birdman313.

00:59:39Wine Down Wednesday tomorrow, author Birdman313.

00:59:40Wine Down Wednesday tomorrow, author Birdman313.

00:59:41Wine Down Wednesday tomorrow, author Birdman313.

00:59:42Wine Down Wednesday tomorrow, author Birdman313.

00:59:43Wine Down Wednesday tomorrow, author Birdman313.

00:59:44Wine Down Wednesday tomorrow, author Birdman313.

Comfort Costs | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 27)

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