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00:00You can do what you want to do, in living color, in living color, you can do what you want to do, in living color, in living color, you can walk all the moon float like a balloon, you see it's never too late and it's never too soon, take it from me it's alright to be in living color,
00:29and how would you feel knowing prejudice was obsolete, and all mankind danced to the exact beat, and at night it was safe to walk down the street, in living color, you can do what you want to do, in living color, in living color, you can do what you want to do, in living color, in living color, everybody here is equally kind, in living color,
00:57what's mine is yours or what's yours is mine, in living color, and how would you feel knowing everybody was different, from thin to thick and through thick and thin, an egotypical trip was put to an end, in living color, you can do what you want to do, in living color, in living color, you can walk all the moon float like a balloon, you see it's never too late and it's never too soon, take it from me it's alright to be in living color,
01:25in living color, and how would you feel knowing prejudice was obsolete, and all mankind danced to the exact beat, and at night it was safe to walk down the street, in living color, you can do what you want to do, in living color, you can do what you want to do, in living color.
01:40Ladies and gentlemen, Keenan Ivey Waynes.
01:55Thank you very much.
01:57I'm Keenan Ivey Waynes, and this is In Living Color.
02:00Good to be here tonight.
02:01Good to have you all here.
02:03Before we get started, I want to know why you're up there.
02:08She knows.
02:08I want to be with Sean.
02:10She couldn't get the dance number down, so.
02:13I'm going to say hello to DJ and one of my fly girls,
02:16Carrie-Anne at SW1.
02:21All right, we're going to go back here
02:22and start with Carrie, DJ, Lisa, and Michelle.
02:30Well, we're ready to get loose and have some fun,
02:32so sit back and laugh for about a half.
02:34Be right back.
02:35Kick it.
02:35And wake up.
02:49All right, another volunteer.
02:52Yes, you, sir.
02:54Let's give him a hand, ladies and gentlemen.
02:56And your name is?
02:59Eugene Carmichael III.
03:00All right, Eugene Carmichael III.
03:03What do you do for a living?
03:05Commodities broker.
03:07Commodities broker.
03:08Let me ask you, have you ever been hypnotized?
03:11No, I haven't, and frankly, I'm quite skeptical.
03:13One, two, three, trance.
03:15Now, with my command, you will cluck like a chicken.
03:20One, two, three.
03:24You're never going to be...
03:25But, God!
03:27Thank you, partner.
03:29But, chicken!
03:30Ladies and gentlemen, the skeptic.
03:32And I assure you, he will remain this way as long as I...
03:38But, God!
03:39As long as I...
03:41Oh, my heart!
03:41He's not breathing.
03:48Call an ambulance, quick!
03:50Oh, my God.
03:52Come on, get up!
03:54Cats, stop!
03:56Oh, you'll be dead!
04:01You bastard!
04:03Move!
04:11Welcome to Nothing But Buggers.
04:19May I help you?
04:24All right.
04:26Now, just concentrate.
04:30Put the money on the counter,
04:32look her in the eye,
04:34and concentrate.
04:35Put the money on the counter.
04:43P-P-God!
04:47The game?
04:48Excuse me?
04:51Oh, for the love of God,
04:53please hear me.
04:54I'm starving!
04:56I want a burger!
04:57Uh, look!
04:58Take this, I'll call the police!
05:01You can't come here walking and grabbing on me!
05:03Wait, Miss Ann, this guy's trying to tell us something.
05:06I think I've seen this on Geraldo.
05:08All right!
05:09Can you write it down?
05:11That's a great idea.
05:13I should have thought of this.
05:15I'd like...
05:18a hamburger
05:21and a cola, please.
05:25I am starving!
05:28Okay, okay.
05:35I'm sorry, I can't read that chicken scratch.
05:38No, you're chicken...
05:39Oh, please!
05:43Please!
05:44The night of Acton went awry.
05:50It was a departure point for a long descent
05:52to a place stranger than nightmares,
05:56a place crueler than hell.
05:59He's entered a place called
06:00the Vortex of Fear.
06:07Fuck!
06:08Fuck!
06:08Coming this fall on ABC.
06:34Muffin, Skip!
06:35You kids okay?
06:36The kids aren't his, but they're his responsibility.
06:43He's Ray Charles in Charles.
06:49What are you doing, Skip?
06:52Math.
06:54That's good.
06:55What about you, Mommy?
06:57We're studying anatomy.
06:59Good, good, you kind children.
07:02Tell me what I say.
07:03Move over, Mr. Belvedere, and hit the road, Jack.
07:09He's Ray Charles in charge.
07:11Coming this fall, right after the Stevie Wonder Years.
07:14They're blind and they're black.
07:16They're back-to-back.
07:18Tuesdays on ABC.
07:24Now, boys and girls, it's time for your favorite storyteller.
07:33Hello, sweet babies.
07:38Hello, Norma baby.
07:41Would y'all like to hear a story?
07:44Then shut up.
07:48Anyway, tonight's story is Cinderella.
07:52Cinderella was the prettiest, most beautiful, and most talented one in the family.
07:56And all of them hated her, just like me.
07:59So beautiful and so talented.
08:00And they all hate me, you know.
08:02Oh, that's right.
08:03Cinderella wanted to meet the prince.
08:05Now, everybody's talking about prince, prince, prince.
08:07Let me tell you something about prince.
08:09Prince is nothing compared to me.
08:10That's right.
08:11Prince could not sit next to me on my throne unless he's in a high chair.
08:15Oh, that's right.
08:16I've seen him, that little tiny man, posing naked on a horse.
08:20Trying to cover up with one hand.
08:21If I had to cover up one hand, why bother?
08:26Shut up.
08:29So anyway, Cinderella heard about the king's ball, and she got all excited.
08:34Just like I did.
08:34I love a good ball.
08:37Anyway, kings are always known for having great balls.
08:41And I ain't talking about Elvis.
08:42Oh, no.
08:43Elvis was no king.
08:44I'm sorry.
08:45Elvis couldn't even tie my blue suede shoes.
08:47I wouldn't let him pet my hound dog.
08:48Oh, no.
08:49If Elvis is the king, then what am I?
08:52Shut up.
08:55So anyway, Cinderella was very sad because she couldn't go.
08:59And then in the middle of the night, her fairy godmother came and gave her beautiful gown,
09:03silver slippers, and a white carriage with horses.
09:06You know, they never gave me nothing.
09:08That's right.
09:09I haven't got a Grammy yet.
09:10They never gave me nothing.
09:12They gave Paul McCartney a Grammy.
09:13When I heard that, I screamed like a white lady in church.
09:18Where was I?
09:18You know, everybody stole from him.
09:21Oh, that's right.
09:21I can't tell you this story no more.
09:23I have to tell you the real story.
09:24That's right.
09:24Everyone stole from me.
09:26Stephen Warren and Ray Charles, I was blind first.
09:29Oh, yes.
09:29I did that first.
09:31Oh, Diana Ross.
09:32Diana Ross, tall, glamorous woman.
09:34You know who did that first.
09:36Oh, and James Brown stole my hair, stole my cape.
09:39Mm-hmm.
09:39He's in prison right where he belongs.
09:41Oh, yes, he is.
09:42And you know, Papa's got a brand new bag now.
09:44Mm-hmm.
09:45Probably got some shoes to match.
09:46Shut up.
09:52Anyway, that's all the time we have for Little Richard's Playhouse.
09:55I'll see you next week.
09:56Bye-bye, sweet babies.
09:57Bye-bye.
09:58Bye-bye.
09:59Bye-bye.
10:00Bye-bye.
10:01Bye-bye.
10:02Bye-bye.
10:03Bye-bye.
10:04Bye-bye.
10:05Bye-bye.
10:06Bye-bye.
10:07Special self.
10:08I'll be you and only you, babe.
10:11Special self.
10:12Let me be me.
10:15Special self.
10:17Don't tell me what I can't have to say.
10:21Come on and work your body.
10:23Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
10:26Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
10:30Oh, Pep, you up next.
10:32So-de-de-de-de-de-de-de...
10:38Great set, Della
10:45Thank you, Buster
10:47Hi, I'm Della Reese
10:49And if you're like me, you suck up food
10:51The way a vacuum cleaner sucks up hairballs
10:54But I got to watch what I eat
10:55And honey, sometimes
10:58I don't want a whole portion
10:59I just want a little taste
11:01And that's why I've developed
11:03Della Reese's Pieces
11:05Honey, you don't have to feel guilty
11:07About having whole portions anymore
11:09Because I've already taken bites
11:11Out of everything for you
11:12See, that's all I wanted
11:15Wait a minute
11:17Let me get a little piece of more
11:19Save me a little piece of a letter too
11:23And this is all you're gonna get
11:28With Della Reese's Pieces
11:30It's the simple way to stop
11:32Making a pig out of yourself, honey
11:33So the next time somebody comes
11:36In your face
11:36With a big old mean drumstick like this
11:38You say, uh-uh, baby
11:40I'm eating Della Reese's Pieces
11:43New Della Reese's Pieces
11:45When you're already starving
11:47For just a little something
11:49Today's a big day
11:55I'm moving up
11:56Let me tell you something
11:58Don't fool yourself, my brother
12:00They ain't never gonna let that happen
12:02What are you talking about?
12:04Peterson told me I'm in the number one position
12:07For this promotion
12:08Well, let me tell you something, my brother
12:11The white man ain't never gonna put a black man
12:17In charge of his french fries
12:19They just don't give us that type of power
12:22Man, why are you so negative?
12:24Hey, I ain't negative
12:25I'm just real, my brother
12:29See, brothers don't get them type of positions
12:34Look at me
12:35I've been here five years
12:37What am I doing?
12:38Mopping
12:39Yeah, but that's because you failed
12:40Your french fry aptitude test
12:42Twice
12:43Hey, man, that was a culturally biased test, man
12:47How they gonna ask a black man from Compton
12:50About some white potatoes from Idaho?
12:54Ask me about some sweet potatoes
12:56I'll tell you anything about a yam-yam from the motherland
12:58You didn't know that
12:59Man, maybe it's your problem
13:01Is-is your attitude
13:03Hey, I ain't got no attitude, my brother
13:05There's a conspiracy out there
13:10You hear what I'm saying?
13:11There's a conspiracy
13:12A C-O-N-spiracy
13:17Excellent work, number four
13:22Your plan to get rid of Marion Barry worked beautifully
13:25Thank you, sir
13:26Next
13:27And you, number five
13:30Keep up the good work
13:32Thank you, your whiteness
13:33Well, well, well
13:38Number six
13:39Mr. Screw-Up
13:40It really wasn't my fault, number one
13:42You know what happened?
13:42Silence!
13:43The others have done their jobs well
13:45But you have fouled up time and time again
13:48First you let Eddie Murphy become the biggest movie star in the world
13:51Who's the writing?
13:52And Brian Gumbel?
13:53I leaked the memo
13:54Arsenio Hall?
13:56I thought Sajak could go all the way
13:58Pat Sajak?
14:00It's that kind of dim, wooded thinking that's gotten you into this mess
14:03And now on the last straw
14:05I just heard that a black man in your sector is going to be put in charge of french fries
14:09French fries!
14:10Nothing I could do, number one
14:11What can I do?
14:12You're pathetic
14:13Wait outside
14:14Yes, sir
14:15Get me, Senator Tompkins
14:18Melvin?
14:22Melvin?
14:23Melvin!
14:24Oh, hello, Mr. Peterson
14:25Melvin, last night I went over the list of people for the new french fries supervision job
14:30Yeah?
14:31And I just want to tell you
14:32There was no one more qualified than you
14:34All right, see, I told you
14:36But then this morning I was listening to the radio
14:38And I heard the funniest thing
14:40Apparently
14:41Senator Tompkins passed a bill
14:44Banning the sale of french fries anywhere in the state
14:46It passed unanimously
14:48So
14:51I guess you'll have to be on that mop for a while longer
14:54All right, everybody
14:56Let's shut down those fryers
14:58See, I told you, man
15:03There is a conspiracy out there
15:06See?
15:07Yeah, right, I know
15:09Inspiracy
15:10By the way, guys
15:11We have a new trainee today
15:13Show them the ropes, will ya?
15:16Hey, you!
15:17Get your feet down off there!
15:20You better be nice to him, brother
15:22That's your new manager
15:24Crazy
15:28Isn't he?
15:52Stepped into this jam
15:54With the FBI crew
15:56People dancing up a sweat
15:58You know, just doing it, too
15:59I didn't know this girl
16:01She walked up like she knew me
16:03Wrapped her arms around me
16:05And began to kick it to me
16:07Laquita, I'm home!
16:17Hey, sweetheart
16:22Get my sugar
16:24Mwah!
16:26That's my baby
16:27I'm right in the middle of the start painting my nails
16:29Nails?
16:32What about dinner?
16:34I got some pig feet steaming on the stove
16:36Pig feet?
16:38Ay-yi-yi
16:39My mother told me never to marry a crazy rathead from Compton
16:43Well, you did
16:44I told you last week
16:47I'm having a very important producer
16:49Over for dinner on Man and I
16:50Producer?
16:52Producer?
16:52Ricky, sit down
16:53Ricky, look
16:54You think he might be interested in a female rapper?
16:58My name's Laquita
16:59Laquita!
17:01Ricky!
17:02Let me explain something to you
17:04What you gonna explain to me?
17:06Don't make fun of my language
17:08You ain't got no language
17:09Laquita
17:10I am gonna tell you something for the thousandth time
17:15I don't want any more of your hair brand scams to get into your business
17:21Ricky!
17:22Come on, man
17:23I could be the next Queen Latifah!
17:25No, buts!
17:27Now, go on in there and set the table
17:29Shoot!
17:31I'll go to the Chinese restaurant downstairs and get something a little more fit for human consumption
17:36And don't forget
17:39The cable man is coming
17:41He'll be here any minute
17:43What you say?
17:47Hi, Laquita, it's me
17:48Apple, Apple
17:49Come here, come here, come here
17:50Sit down
17:51Sit down
17:52Yo, yo, check this out
17:54Ricky's gonna have a big-time producer coming over here
17:57A producer?
17:58Producer
17:59So I figured we could do our salt and pepper routine
18:01Oh, Laquita
18:02I don't know
18:03Come on, just open the chair
18:04Come on
18:05Well, please
18:06But that's him, that's him
18:08Just follow along, right?
18:09Just bust a move
18:10Whatever I do
18:11Well, all right
18:11Is this the Mercado residence?
18:18Yes, it is
18:19Yeah, I'm looking for Mr. Mercado
18:20I'm from Continental Television
18:22Well, we were expecting you
18:23Come on in
18:24Come on in
18:25Have a seat
18:27Have a seat
18:29Oh, okay
18:29Apple, give the nice man something to drink
18:31Oh, Sir Ripple
18:32On your rocks
18:35You want a massage, a leg massage?
18:38Uh, yeah, sure, I guess
18:40Here you are
18:40Would you like something to eat?
18:41Thank you, yeah
18:42Okay
18:43Do you like music?
18:44Well, I guess so
18:45I mean, who doesn't?
18:46Well, peep this out
18:47One, two
18:51One, two
18:52What we gonna do?
18:54My name's the Queen
18:56And I tell you, see
18:57I'm the kind of girl
18:58Should be on TV
18:59Over here
19:00On my right
19:01With the pearl
19:01She's a girl
19:03She's a fan
19:03She's a human
19:04Beatbox
19:04Say what?
19:05Oh, oh
19:06That was great
19:08I mean, you two really should be on TV
19:10Yes!
19:11Yes!
19:12Now, now, just listen
19:13I got a service contract right here
19:14Well, let me put my John Hancock one
19:16Wait a minute
19:17Not so fast
19:18Nothing gets signed
19:19Until I take care of the physical connection
19:20What?
19:21You know
19:23I have to, uh
19:24Plug my cable into the box
19:26Oh
19:27Wait, I don't know
19:29Oh, well, this is standard procedure
19:30It'll only take about five minutes
19:31Maybe a little longer
19:32This is my twelfth one today
19:34Twelve?
19:34Yeah, one lady
19:36I saw this morning
19:37Took almost two hours
19:38Mm-hmm
19:39A poor woman couldn't remember
19:41Where her box was
19:42And when we finally found it
19:45It was all rusted shut
19:46I had to use a robot
19:47Oh, my God
19:50But wait, I don't know about this
19:52Come on, come on
19:52Come on
19:53Just think about it
19:56We talking the big time here
19:58We could be on Showtime at the Apollo
20:00And the Byron Allen show
20:02Byron Allen
20:02Where do you want to do it, ladies?
20:05We ain't no freaks
20:06In the bedroom, of course
20:07No problem
20:09You know, I got more than 100 feet of cable
20:10Oh
20:11He ain't got no 100 feet of cable
20:15Look, I just run it up
20:17Out the side of the building
20:17And right through the window
20:18Oh, no
20:19Oh, no
20:21Please
20:21This is our big chance
20:23Please, oh, please
20:24Well, come on
20:25You know Fred ain't throwing down
20:27In the bedroom anyway
20:28I guess you're right
20:31All right, sir
20:33You can do me first
20:34And then my friend
20:34Are you kidding?
20:35I can get a splitter
20:36And turn you both on
20:37Well, we'll do it
20:41Out of time
20:42If you don't mind
20:42Okay, fine with me
20:44Let's get it over with
20:44Well, aren't you gonna leave that here?
20:46Yep, the right tool
20:48For the right job
20:48Well, if you say so
20:51No kidding
20:52Hey, lady
20:56What are you doing?
21:01Ricky
21:02Hi, honey
21:10This is that producer
21:11I told you about
21:12Producer?
21:15But if that's the producer
21:16Then what?
21:17Who?
21:19Yeah
21:19Did you let the cable man in?
21:23Nope
21:23Ethel did
21:25I just got free cable
21:33For the whole building
21:35Look, Rita
21:43Ah
21:44Ahhh
21:45Haah
21:46Ah
21:59Woooh
21:59We're having too much fun
22:00We're having too much fun, but we got to go
22:30We're having too much fun, but we got to go
23:00We're having too much fun, we got to go