- 8 months ago
Original Broadcast Date: November 5th 2014
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00One, two, three, four!
00:30Well, look, no time at all to waste tonight, folks, and I mean that quite literally.
00:40The IPCC report is out, and I don't want to alarm you, but we're all going to die.
00:45Even the picture they've used for the cover of this report is worrying.
00:49Apparently, that's how we'll all be doing our gardening in six months' time.
00:53But I don't want to get as mad as hell about climate change or anything this week.
00:57Instead, tonight, we'll be only looking at things that have made me, and therefore you, as happy as Larry.
01:03Because I'm happy for you, you feel like a room without a room.
01:10It's a nice change, isn't it?
01:12It's actually very, very happy news for the environment in Australia this week,
01:15with two seemingly opposing points of view coming together to seemingly cancel each other out.
01:21Before the election, the Coalition promised to get rid of the Climate Change Authority,
01:24and Palmer United promised to push for an emissions trading scheme.
01:28In return for not doing either, both parties agreed to support the government's direct action climate change policy.
01:34So there won't be an emissions trading scheme, but the Climate Change Authority lives on
01:39to prepare a report on the viability of one, presumably for use in some parallel universe.
01:44Environment Minister Greg Hunt said...
01:49No, that's...
01:52No, no, that's Steve Buscemi.
01:55Greg Hunt looks nothing like Steve Buscemi.
02:01Environment Minister Greg Hunt explained away the apparent pointlessness of it all
02:05to my colleague and good friend, Lee Sayles.
02:07So, as a gesture of good faith, we have agreed to the review, but our position is clear.
02:13We have abolished the carbon tax.
02:15Let's go back to my question, then.
02:16You've agreed to the review.
02:17We do not support and we will not be proposing a carbon tax or an emissions trading scheme.
02:21OK, well, that feeds right into my question, then.
02:24We are just introducing the emissions reduction fund.
02:26Why are you wasting taxpayer money?
02:28We're not talking about what Labor is doing tonight.
02:30We're talking about what you're doing in government now.
02:31And this is a very, very good outcome success for the government and for the people.
02:34Now, what does that remind me of?
02:38Are you going to allow me to answer the question?
02:39Are you going to allow me to answer the question of this kind of option?
02:43No.
02:43No, it's all right.
02:44It'll come to me later.
02:45Melanie Beeney from the Environment Minister's Office.
02:48Why have a climate change authority if all they're going to do is the equivalent of
02:51digging holes and then filling them in to kill time?
02:54Well, it's like Greg said, Sean.
02:56It's a gesture of good faith.
02:57Right.
02:58So, not actual good faith.
03:00No, no.
03:01Just a gesture of it.
03:02A piece of empty symbolism that we hope that by repeating will suggest there's something genuine behind.
03:08Aside from the cynicism, isn't it, as Lee was trying to suggest there, a complete waste of money?
03:13Sean, it's much cheaper than setting up an emissions trading scheme.
03:17Plus, what sort of government would we be if we actually had good faith in something we didn't believe in?
03:23Now, I'm not saying that changing the climate back to the way it once was is impossible, but the climate's got to want to change first.
03:31In the meantime, there are strings to pull and advantages to press, and our direct action plan at 2.2 bill is a market-led solution, which should please both climate end users and big business stroke small people looters.
03:44But what is the government's direct action plan?
03:46I'm sorry, that's a rhetorical question.
03:48But what is the government's direct action plan?
03:51Well, apparently, the basic idea is that big emitters, or smaller ones who band together, can choose to develop their own plans, which might include, say, planting trees, and then tender a bid for what's called a reverse auction and the cheapest wins.
04:04So, it's more of an indirect action plan, isn't it?
04:07It's more of a gesture to it, Sean.
04:10Does the gesture look anything like this?
04:15Yeah, it's pretty much.
04:16Pretty much. All right, thank you.
04:19And let's not forget Clive Palmer's part in backing the government's direct action policy.
04:23You've got to remember that Mr Palmer is an astute businessman who can pick a wise investment.
04:28Direct action is a waste of money.
04:30I'm sorry, that appears to be the correct footage.
04:36In return, as I say, he's got the government to retain the Climate Change Authority, who will be...
04:41Carrying out an 18-month inquiry into the emissions trading screen.
04:46Now, what would, I wonder, an emissions trading screen look or sound like?
04:54Of course, there have been other things this week which we should be happy about.
04:57Now, for example, the federal government's commitment to reconsidering its pre-election commitments continues.
05:02With the PM opening the door and offering a seat and a slightly more expensive drink to an increase in the GST.
05:08Now, he's not promised they'll do it.
05:10But certainly it is something that will be looked at.
05:12Now, with the Victorian election just 24 days away, or for Clive Palmer, 48 sleeps...
05:18You'll wake him.
05:27The prospect of a one-income family's cost of living rising by $75 a week is, of course, music to Premier Dennis Knapp-Thine's ears.
05:35Music very much like this...
05:36As the Premier and Opposition Leader-elect put it so eloquently...
05:47I'm not interested in increase the GST, I'm increase to the fair share.
05:51And why wouldn't he be increase, increase to the fair share?
05:55It's literally impossible to argue with that.
05:58To be fair, though, he was probably confused, given that last year the Abster said this...
06:02The GST is not going to change, full stop, end of story.
06:06OK, so I think if you're going to start articulating your punctuation, comma, for example, saying full stop, comma, you should go all the way, full stop.
06:14So he should have said, open quotation marks, the GST is not going to change, full stop, end of story, full stop, close quotation marks, asterisk.
06:23And then at the end of his press conference, say, asterisk, conditions apply.
06:36Now, interestingly, though, there's been a historical first in terms of cross-chamber support in this election.
06:41It's been the only time in Australian politics that both a Federal Opposition Leader and a sitting Prime Minister have both lent their support to the same party in the same election.
06:52In this case, Labor. Bill Shorten with his personal endorsement of Victorian Labor's Daniel Andrews and Tony Abbott with his increase in the price of petrol.
07:01But this tax hike is not just the usual reverse psychology pork-barrelling.
07:05It's good for the country as well, as it'll throw a much-needed $19 billion into the yawning black void of the budget deficit.
07:12On the downside, it means an increase in petrol prices of 40 cents a week per family, hitting poor people without cars the hardest.
07:18As you'd expect, some people are furious.
07:23Not happy.
07:28Whereas others have a clear message for Tony Abbott.
07:31Like, I've got no words for the government.
07:35Now, the Automobile Association added fuel to the fire, cheaper to do now, obviously, than when the excise actually kicks in, about the government's methods.
07:45And they didn't mince their words, either.
07:47It's weak, it's sneaky, and it's tricky.
07:50Weak, sneaky, and tricky.
07:52They sound like the mascots on a packet of cereal, don't they?
07:54Anyway, it didn't go down too well with Labor, either.
08:05Fortunately, Bill Shorten was on hand to shoot down the Coalition in flames with one of his trademark zingers.
08:11And have a look at his delivery on this one.
08:14He knows he's on a winner, but he doesn't let it show.
08:17My questions to the Prime Minister, affectionately known as the Bowser Bandit.
08:22Now, that was a zinger, a rip from the day's headlines.
08:32Unfortunately, it was the Herald Sun's headlines.
08:35A very popular newspaper in Parliament, apparently, as you can see there,
08:40which the Speaker of the House very sensibly ordered removed from the House.
08:43I'd do the same thing if it turns up in mine.
08:51Now...
08:51There goes those reviews.
08:54Now, the Greens, too, weren't too happy, either,
08:57saying that in raising the fuel excise,
08:59the Prime Minister has defied the will of the Australian people.
09:03Now, why are the Greens opposed to this party's spokesperson, Coriander Tuesday?
09:07I would have thought more expensive petrol would mean fewer people driving
09:10and lower emissions from burning fossil fuels.
09:13We oppose the petrol tax, Sean.
09:15Of course we do, because we're the Greens.
09:18Sneaky, wicked, tricksy, Abbots.
09:20But why?
09:22Why?
09:22The fuel tax is the closest you'll see to a carbon tax.
09:25Now, wouldn't it be better to support the government on this one?
09:27Carbon tax, yes.
09:28It's a bit like that, isn't it?
09:30Then we agree.
09:31No, we oppose.
09:33The petrol tax needs our approval.
09:36Mustn't let him have it.
09:38Well, this is effectively a new tax,
09:40and Tony Abbott was elected promising no new taxes, wasn't he?
09:42No.
09:43No broken promises, yes.
09:45Tony Abbott false.
09:48Trixie.
09:50Oppose the petrol tax, we will,
09:52to protect the precious non-renewables.
09:56Then again, the $20 billion raise from the tax over the next decade
09:59will help fix the budget deficit.
10:00Budget deficit says must be fixed, yes.
10:04But the money raise does go to help build roads,
10:06which does encourage more car use
10:08and the burning of fossil fuels.
10:09Oh, Greens hate their roads!
10:13Thank you very much, Coriander.
10:19But has Mr Abbott been sneaky and tricksy, as is being suggested?
10:24Listen very carefully to what he said in the lead-up to the election.
10:27The only party that will raise taxes after the election
10:31is the Labor Party.
10:33You see, he doesn't say taxes won't rise after the election,
10:36he just says that Labor would be responsible.
10:39Still technically a broken promise, in my opinion,
10:41although Labor not being in power isn't really his fault.
10:44And as he says, it's not an increase in tax, or even a new tax.
10:48It's not a new tax, it's the indexation of an old one.
10:51Now, this is a very, very subtle point.
10:54And while the Prime Minister is no fool...
10:56LAUGHTER
10:57That photo is not helpful to the point I'm making.
11:03LAUGHTER
11:04Good. That's fine. We'll go with that one.
11:14Well, the Prime Minister is no fool.
11:16He can't explain it, as well as our Finance Minister, Matthias Kormann.
11:19Here is Matthias Kormann laying out, in plain English,
11:22what this increase in the fuel excise, and not a tax increase, really is.
11:25The government has decided to give practical effect
11:29to our fuel excise indexation budget measure
11:33by way of tariff proposals.
11:37LAUGHTER
11:38Mind you, plain English isn't his first language, is it?
11:42Finance Minister Spokesman Darius Horsham.
11:45You shouldn't make fun of the way people talk, Sean.
11:49What's important here is what Matthias is saying.
11:51The age of entitlement is over.
11:54No more are people who drive motor vehicles
11:56exempt from the spiralling casts of everything else
11:59that is subject to inflation.
12:02Yeah, but isn't all this just the same as the PM agitating
12:05for the states to increase in the GST,
12:07to get around his pre-election promise that there wouldn't be one?
12:09Don't be an economic girly man.
12:13LAUGHTER
12:13I say to all of you, Sean, come with us if you want to live.
12:17LAUGHTER
12:17Live in a country that does not suck you into a black hole
12:21of hemorrhaging debt,
12:23but if it bleeds, we can kill it.
12:25LAUGHTER
12:26By blasting it with ice, Sean,
12:28an economic freeze is coming.
12:30LAUGHTER
12:31Prepare for a bitter harvest.
12:34Winter has come at last.
12:36LAUGHTER
12:37LAUGHTER
12:38APPLAUSE
12:39That's it.
12:42Thank you very much indeed, Darius.
12:45Fantastic.
12:45LAUGHTER
12:46And those people who are worried about the increase
12:50in the fuel excise tax should remember
12:52what this government is all about.
12:54Lower, simpler, fairer taxes,
12:56and that's what we will deliver.
12:58Although obviously not delivered in a petrol-driven car.
13:01LAUGHTER
13:02And on the GST, the left-wingers can't really be heard
13:05to complain too loudly,
13:06because Labour planned for exactly the same thing.
13:08Here's Joe Hockey calling on them to make that public.
13:11Release the modelling!
13:13Release the modelling!
13:14LAUGHTER
13:14No, no, sorry, no, no, sorry.
13:21That was Joe Hockey calling on Labour
13:24to release its economic modelling.
13:26No worries.
13:27He didn't mention Kraken.
13:30LAUGHTER
13:30You know where I'll be if you need me.
13:34LAUGHTER
13:34Well, if the medium is the message,
13:41then it's time to tell you
13:43it's rare when the medium is well done.
13:44LAUGHTER
13:45Fans of actual physical newspapers
13:55can look forward to more misspellings
13:56and Instagram-quality photos
13:58after Fairfax Media announced this week
14:00that selected regional newspapers
14:02would be stripped of sub-editors and photographers
14:04under a new plan to make reporters
14:06take their own pictures and sub their own copy.
14:09Fairfax Regional Managing Director,
14:11Cardamon Pye,
14:12what's behind the thinking of all this?
14:15It's not just about money, surely.
14:17No, no, no, no, no, no.
14:17It's a restructure.
14:19It's designed to ensure that our journalists,
14:21or preferably journalists,
14:23is at the very forefront of the latest
14:26in 21st-century ways
14:27to reduce spending and lower the outlay of money.
14:30If it works, they'll apply it to the age and the herald.
14:33It's the way of the future.
14:34All right.
14:35Now, you're bored in today's edition
14:36of the Gundagai Bulletin?
14:37Yes, yes.
14:38Now, this is interesting, Sean.
14:39This is entirely written, edited, sub-edited,
14:41photographed, printed, distributed, sold and purchased
14:43by an excellent young cadet journalist
14:46of only three months' experience.
14:47And I think it's pretty good.
14:49I mean, that wouldn't look out of place
14:50in your big city newsstands.
14:52Well, you know, I don't want to be critical,
14:54but your front-page lead is
14:55too kissed in horror smash.
14:57It's a terrible tragedy, Sean.
14:59And I notice he spelled Bulletin with one L.
15:03Oh, people don't have time
15:05to read entire words these days, Sean.
15:07I think leaving a letter out here and there
15:10speeds up the whole process.
15:11Your brain fills in the gaps.
15:12It's like predictive text,
15:14or your wife finishing your sentences
15:15because you're too slow, darling.
15:17We humans see things in lumps
15:20the same way dolphins hear.
15:21But anyway, it's really all about the picture, isn't it?
15:25Paints a thousand words in it, 25 cents a word.
15:27That's money well saved.
15:28Well, look, if we could just take a look
15:29at the picture here.
15:31Yes, now, that's...
15:32That is our young cadet himself.
15:37I can't remember his name.
15:38It creates a deeply personal perspective on the story.
15:43It's what new journalism is all about.
15:45Gonzo.
15:45Tweet.
15:46Drive him to the website.
15:47All right.
15:47Well, he says in his caption here,
15:49Crash made me sad.
15:53Sean, let me tell you something.
15:54This young fella, whatever his name is,
15:57is very much at the vanguard of the multi-skilled headness
16:00that we want all Fairfax newspapers to be at.
16:03He'll be running the Adelaide Advertiser with it a year,
16:05I guarantee it.
16:06Isn't that a news call?
16:08Good, yeah.
16:08He moonlights for them.
16:09He clicks and drags their online sponsored links
16:12into the middle of actual editorial.
16:14It's just brilliant stuff.
16:15You know, this is where print is headed
16:17unless we panic and sacrifice quality.
16:19Native advertising, radio, synergy,
16:20and, you know, chucking the actual things on the lawn.
16:23All right.
16:23I noticed that the rest of the paper is completely blank.
16:28It was a slow news day, Sean.
16:31Unless it's a cat playing a piano or top ten side boobs,
16:34no-one's f***ing interested in serious news.
16:36I like it!
16:42And before we go to the break, a question.
16:44Do you think the old guy in that American Gothic painting
16:47looks like Gerard Henderson?
16:50And, incidentally, the answer to last week's question,
16:55who does the guy at the bar in Edward Hopper's Nighthawks
16:57remind you of?
16:58The answer was, of course, David Marr.
17:05Well, may we say God save the Queen.
17:08Because nothing will save the Governor Jennings.
17:17This week on our ABC,
17:19memories of the often turbulent life
17:21of one of our greatest statesmen,
17:23from those card-carrying, dyed-in-the-wool Labor Party men
17:26for as long as they'd care to remember
17:27and so quite annoying comrades who knew him best.
17:30I think if Gough were alive,
17:32he'd have loved the fact that he had a state memorial.
17:34He'd probably be a little baffled by that organised one,
17:37given that he was alive, but that was Gough.
17:40War story upon war story
17:42of such crushing similarity
17:43you'll want to tear your own head off,
17:45plus the inevitable footage of...
17:47Well, may we say God save the Queen.
17:51Kerr's Kerr was what he called Fraser,
17:54a great line and one that really resonated
17:56with the Australian public.
17:59Yes, they voted him out at the next election,
18:01but that just made us do what Labor had always done
18:04when things got tough.
18:07Crumbled under the weight of internal bickering.
18:09A telling portrait that shaped the
18:11oh, well, never mind, it was getting a bit too hard anyway
18:14attitude of the modern Australian Labor Party.
18:17Whitlam never walked away from a fight
18:19when he was in power.
18:20Except for 75, obviously.
18:25But he left us with a legacy
18:26and that wonderful phrase on the steps of Parliament House.
18:32I am not an animal!
18:36I am a human being!
18:39News from countries that aren't Australia
18:59proudly brought to you by the ASIO Hotline.
19:02All of your calls will be monitored
19:04even if you haven't rung us.
19:06Well, Indonesia's new cabinet has been sworn in
19:09and of the 34 ministers,
19:12eight are women.
19:13Eight out of 34.
19:14It's absolutely appalling.
19:16Are you telling me, Mr Widodo,
19:18that there aren't 34 men capable of filling those positions?
19:22I trust that Tony Abbott will be shirt-fronting you
19:24the next time that you meet.
19:26Immigration Minister Scott Morrison, though,
19:28foresees no problems dealing with the new government.
19:30I have no doubt that we will be able to work
19:33with the new government.
19:34The Prime Minister was, as you know,
19:36everyone knows, was there for the ordination.
19:37It's the ordination.
19:40So it's been a pretty big week for Mr Widodo,
19:42sworn in as president and ordained as a priest.
19:45So much for the separation of church and state.
19:49Now, Mr Morrison's been pretty busy himself,
19:51as Bill Deaf Comedy Jam Shorten recently observed.
19:54As long as Scott Morrison's only plan
19:57is for Operation Self-Promotion...
20:00Boom, boom!
20:07But what does Mr Widodo think of us?
20:09How does he view our boat turn-back policy, for example?
20:12Well, according to Mr Morrison,
20:14when the PM and President Widodo met recently,
20:16the atmosphere was cordial and...
20:18..and, for once, this wasn't the big elephant in the room.
20:22So, Government Immigration Spokes Entity Rosemary Kiflis,
20:25has the turn-back policy always been the elephant in the room?
20:28Oh, no, no.
20:29Well, we wouldn't let an elephant in the room in the first place.
20:32We'd stop it in the doorway and turn it back,
20:35if safe to do so.
20:39LAUGHTER
20:39Labor Immigration Sod, Chuck Clotting.
20:42You believe the turn-back policy is the elephant in the room.
20:45What are you going to do about it?
20:46Well, we won't be turning back the elephant in the doorway, Sean,
20:49because we believe that would be inherently dangerous.
20:51We're going to let it stay in the room
20:53and employ it in the government's metadata retention plan.
20:56Because they never forget, do they?
20:59Labor hasn't been able to bring itself
21:01to say the turn-back policy's worked, has it?
21:03Isn't that really the elephant in the room?
21:05When Richard Miles said we might continue
21:07with the turn-back policy if we got into government,
21:09he wasn't saying it was good policy.
21:11Yeah, but it has completely stopped the boats coming, hasn't it?
21:13It's had an influence.
21:15Well, it stopped them.
21:16It's had some effect.
21:17One boat has arrived.
21:18The figures are different to what we achieve.
21:21Well, the figure is one.
21:22There's been a reduction.
21:24To one?
21:25The numbers have softened.
21:27Well, it's almost zero.
21:28They're trending downwards.
21:30If they trend downwards any further,
21:32we'll be sending boatloads of Australians to them.
21:36Labor's credibility is shot, isn't it?
21:37It's trending downwards.
21:38Well, no-one's listening anymore.
21:40The numbers have softened.
21:41You're a party bereft of meaning.
21:43There's been a reduction.
21:46Pause the refreshers now,
21:48as global soft drink giant Coca-Cola Amatil
21:50plans to release its first new product in seven years.
21:53But how will it go down with its workers here in Australia,
21:56given their plans to slash capital expenditure,
21:59cut costs by at least $100 million,
22:01centralise production,
22:02streamline supply chain,
22:04and reinvest in marketing to drive volume growth?
22:06It's going to leave a bad taste in their mouths.
22:09Isn't it, M'Blinda Grout from the Dynamic Ribbons World Exhibition Team?
22:13Oh, I thought I was just here to do a yo-yo demonstration, Sean.
22:16Is it the best time to be launching a new product, M'Blinda?
22:20Well, it's a great product, Sean.
22:21You can't mention the product because of ABC editorial policy.
22:24Oh, yeah, the wardrobe lady mentioned that when she masking taped me.
22:27All right.
22:27It's not like new Coke, is it?
22:29Because that was a disaster.
22:31How come you're allowed to mention the product and I'm not?
22:34Because I'm not selling it, am I?
22:36I'm dealing with it as news.
22:37Well, it's so unfair.
22:38They won't let us go in the schools anymore,
22:40either, to do our yo-yo tricks,
22:41because they're all anti-indoctrination.
22:43And I'm really good at them, too.
22:45I can do, like, a walking the dog and around the world.
22:48A solo hand propeller, I can do that one as well.
22:50Robo Toilet, like that.
22:52Or Olly Grun, I can do that.
22:54The Shepherd, Steakfiller, Umbrellas, Armband, I can do that one.
22:58Rosen Triangle is a hard one.
23:00Slap Show, Orangatang 380, Conjoint Twin Towers,
23:04Return to Send-Up, like that.
23:06Underturned, Double Trapeze Switch, Pop Chicken Wing,
23:10a Toast Dimensional Rider,
23:11the Kirby Complex 3 is quite difficult.
23:14Slip Death Gem Muckabling, Archery Kick Flips,
23:17Reverse Cowboy is really hard.
23:19And, of course, Rock the Cradle is the easy one.
23:23Is a reverse cowboy a sexual position?
23:26I want a trophy for Rock the Cradle.
23:28Now all I'm allowed to do is just sit here
23:30and ask some stupid questions from some grey-haired turd.
23:35Well, show us one of your tricks.
23:36Show us Rock the Cradle.
23:37I can't, because the security card cut my string.
23:41Did you, Tony?
23:42Did you, is that right?
23:42Did you cut her string?
23:43Just in case she tried to garrot you, Sean.
23:47I mean, we're making our stuff in smaller bottles now.
23:49We're lowering the calorie count, reducing sugar,
23:52not advertising to children, pulling out the caffeine.
23:55How are we any different from Mets on Frontiers?
23:57We're not some insidious marketing machine.
24:00You cynics in the media world would have everyone believe.
24:02Well, look, I apologise.
24:03If it came across that way, Belinda, I'm very sorry.
24:07Apologies accepted.
24:09Cheers.
24:09The grey taste of stevia really hits the spot, doesn't it?
24:20Still to come...
24:21Man with world's largest penis loses control of condoms.
24:273D printer, extremely realistic.
24:30And Prime Minister's prizes for science include funding cuts
24:34and no minister.
24:35Enjoy.
24:39Well, yesterday saw the race that stops a nation do just that.
24:43It was only three minutes,
24:44but the total loss of productivity across the country
24:46was over a billion dollars.
24:48As to its contribution to the Australian psyche,
24:51well, we'll leave that to the wisdom of the elders.
24:53There we go, young man.
25:09Enjoy this in moderation, of course.
25:11Really, no.
25:12No thanks, Bill.
25:12No?
25:13Well, there's three dollars down the toilet.
25:16Now, Bill, a little birdie tells me
25:19that you can recite every winner of the Melbourne Cup.
25:22From 2003 to 2005, yes, that's right.
25:26Maccabi Diva.
25:28I see you can do it, too.
25:29Well done, cube of sugar.
25:31Bill, now tell me,
25:33you grew up around horses, didn't you?
25:36I did indeed, young man,
25:37and I know enough about it
25:38to tell you that they aren't round.
25:41No, no, no.
25:41If anything, horses are sort of
25:43more shaped like slender cows.
25:46They're beautiful animals.
25:47You know, my grandfather
25:48raised thoroughbred Brumbies
25:50in the high country of New South Wales,
25:52a hundred head
25:53and the rest of their bodies, too,
25:55stundering
25:56across the orchards of Griffith.
25:58No finer sight.
25:59Griffith isn't in the high country.
26:01No?
26:01Try some of this in the car on the way home.
26:04That'll change your mind, eh?
26:05Now, Bill, you were an apprentice strapper
26:10for the famous Tommy Woodcock.
26:12Yeah, I knew that.
26:13I was telling the audience.
26:15Oh, right, yes, sorry.
26:16I thought we were having a conversation.
26:19Did you ever meet Farlap?
26:21Meet him?
26:21Oh, did I?
26:22Well, I had the good fortune of riding him.
26:26Well, that must have been something.
26:28Well, that's a bit of a generalisation, but yes.
26:30Because towards the end of his life,
26:32in America,
26:33I had just fed him his morning arsenic
26:35and as he collapsed,
26:36I climbed up on him
26:37and with the crap of my whip,
26:39urged him on
26:40and he crawled the entire length
26:42of Golden Gatefield's racetrack.
26:44Not his best time,
26:45but not bad for a horse on all four knees.
26:47Of course, in those days,
26:49horse tonic contained arsenic, didn't it?
26:51Did it?
26:51I don't know.
26:52I just thought you'd enjoy some.
26:53Of course, these days,
26:54we are a little more sophisticated,
26:56so if you were in need of a pick-me-up,
26:58I thought just inject some of this
26:59into your fetlocks
27:00if you get my meaning.
27:02Yes.
27:03Bill,
27:04Australia loved Farlap,
27:07but they do say that
27:09Tommy Woodcock loved him most of all.
27:11Ah, yes, he loved him,
27:12but he wasn't in love with him.
27:14I want to make that very, very clear.
27:16No, I'm not suggesting it.
27:17Hey, tell you this.
27:19Why don't you follow me?
27:20I'll show you something
27:21a little memento I've kept all these years.
27:24I'd be delighted.
27:25Yes, yes, yes.
27:30There you go.
27:31You kept some of Farlap's manure?
27:33No, no, of course not.
27:35It's Tommy Woodcock's.
27:36Take a couple of those
27:37at your next rave party, hey?
27:40No, thank you.
27:42Fees.
27:44And one more thing before we go.
27:46We received a tweet this week
27:47from one of our younger viewers
27:49not happy about the short shrift
27:51we gave to the Clockwork Satirists
27:53last Wednesday
27:53when they attempted to close the show
27:55with one of their so-called
27:56but actually dreadful comedy songs.
27:58So this week,
27:59we thought we'd give them another go
28:00with another song
28:01that they assure me
28:02is not their usual left-wing braying
28:04at our elected government.
28:06Please welcome the Clockwork Satirists
28:07with their tribute
28:08to our brand-new Foreign Fighters Act.
28:11There's a brand-new act,
28:20but I don't know how it's aimed
28:22Who are fascists?
28:26To stop people from bad homes
28:28from boarding a plane
28:30Who are nation?
28:34It's big and it's bad
28:36fueled by tension and fear.
28:38Legislation
28:41With new police powers
28:44reviewed every two years
28:46Fascists
28:47Turn to the right
28:48Nation
28:49Even more to the right
28:50Who are these guys?
28:55They are the death courts
28:56and they're coming to town
28:57Boom, pow, wham
29:01Hey, listen in to me
29:03Don't listen to me
29:04Don't talk to me
29:05Don't talk with us
29:06Rush through before reading
29:07No, I heard
29:09No, I heard
29:10Yes, thank you, Tony
29:12It was getting a bit one-sided
29:13I was torn, Sean
29:16Because he was played by you
29:17No, no, no
29:18You did the right thing
29:20Goodbye
29:21Giant baby
29:23Thank you
29:27Thank you
29:41Thank you
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