Roxanne Raps!

Beasley Digital

4/17/2025

Roxanne Raps!

Transcript

00:00All right, so here's the deal.

00:01Fester makes an obnoxious comment.

00:03One quippy comment.

00:04Yeah.

00:05Oh, it looks like a chocolate chip factory exploded on your arm.

00:08So Roxanne decides to retaliate via a rap.

00:12And I also have to say this is an extremely critical room.

00:15I know you guys are going to make fun of my delivery.

00:17No, no, no, no.

00:17You don't get to set it up.

00:19Oh, yes, I do.

00:20If you're coming at me, just play it.

00:22Let it speak for itself.

00:23No disclaimers.

00:25No disclaimers.

00:26Does it start with vocal or is it a little music intro?

00:28A slight music intro.

00:29Let me just say this.

00:30You know what you're listening for.

00:31It's me mocking Fester's voice.

00:33Actually channeling Fester, channeling Shaquille O'Neal in part one.

00:36Part two is exactly what you expect from Roxanne Raff.

00:38Whispering baby voice.

00:39Trying to channel LL Cool J and I Need Love.

00:41And then it's my mean mom, thug voice, guttural and psycho, but also empowering.

00:45At least you're not over-explaining.

00:46I have no idea what the hell you just said.

00:48If that's any indication, I am pumped.

00:52If any of our listeners just had a car accident, I'm jealous of you.

00:55Come see the psycho side of Roxanne.

01:01Okay, here we go.

01:02Ladies and gentlemen, the Roxanne retaliatory rap for Fester.

01:07Chattin' on air with the boys the other day.

01:15Fester lifts up my sleeve and says,

01:18What the hey?

01:20Girl, you got brown dots all over your arm.

01:23You've been rollin' in mud at a pig farm.

01:27Then he says, snap, I know what went awry.

01:31A chocolate chip factory explosion.

01:33Did you almost die from the chocolate chip shrapnel that coated your limb?

01:39I said, Fester, shut up.

01:42You are so dim.

01:43All the PC crowd is comin' after you.

01:47He says, what's up?

01:50What did I do?

01:51Well, it ain't cool to talk about skin tone.

01:55And that's why I'm here to pick that bone.

01:59You see, back in the 90s, I made mistakes.

02:03Boats, bikinis, jet skis, lakes, baby oil, iodine.

02:10My potion in a cup.

02:11I wanted to be tanned, so I oiled up.

02:15I'm a cautionary tale with trails.

02:19Dust, learn from me.

02:22Sunscreen is a must.

02:24But let's talk about what's really going on.

02:28Fester's food obsession is comin' on strong.

02:31He sees the world through a food-colored lens.

02:35He wants to eat my arm, but he thinks we're friends.

02:39His chocolate chip comment didn't mean to be rude.

02:43Just reflection and projection of his hangry mood.

02:47He's a cartoon character whose friends turn into food.

02:51If he's salivatin', watch out, dude.

02:55Just always remember when he's starin' at you.

02:59All he sees is a big plate of gabagoo.

03:07In your face!

03:10In your fat face, Fester.

03:12All right, is it gabagoo or gabagool?

03:14I have so much I've got to say.

03:16Folks, I have surprisingly little.

03:18All right, hold on to that thought.

03:19I've got so much I've got to say coming up next.

03:22Dude, I just made one quip about chocolate chips,

03:25and I get a song written after me?

03:26All right, Coop, our producer, wants to weigh in on the rap.

03:30Coop.

03:30Fester, you got served, boy!

03:33In your face!

03:34You got served.

03:37Roxy, is this the beginning of more and more hits like that?

03:40Well, I mean, Grizzle Records wants to sign me.

03:44I don't want to make that one and done, okay?

03:47We just can't.

03:48Yeah, you can't make that one and done.

03:50I was feeling myself towards the end of it.

03:52I was like, okay, I can do this rap thing.

03:55I don't want to know about what you do in your personal time, in the studio.

03:58I mean, a rebuttal, response, anything?

04:02You just got smashed, even though the song was 98% about Roxanne.

04:06There was 2% of it where she ripped on you.

04:09I mean, Roxanne did take a substantial amount of real estate on that song

04:13and talk about her poor skin choices of the 90s,

04:16which confused me first.

04:18Which is odd in a diss record, but okay.

04:21You gained sympathy.

04:22At the end of the day, I'm flattered, I think, to be the subject of this song.

04:27Usually in a diss record, you concentrate on the diss-y,

04:31which would be Fester, not yourself.

04:33Well, boys, what do we learn from this?

04:35You can't rap.

04:38Roxanne, I honestly don't know what we've learned from it.

04:46You're not the only funny ones in the room.

04:48I just happen to not be funny until 25 minutes after the show.

04:50When's your next appointment?

04:52Hold on, did you just say that you're not funny until 25 minutes after the show?

04:57Let me rephrase.

04:58I'm really funny 25 minutes after the show.

05:01That's not good for job security.

05:02I've got to be honest.

05:04She gets in the car and she just starts flinging jokes.

05:08I'm the funniest when I'm driving home in my car by myself.

05:11Dude, so am I.

05:12Actually, Roxanne, I thought you did a very nice job.

05:14Roxanne, big, big round of applause for Roxanne, everybody.

05:18And her Fester disrepair.

05:20When's your follow-up appointment?

05:22Because maybe you could do a follow-up after that appointment.

05:24So when is it?

05:25I got my fake second vax shot after I didn't get my first.

05:30No, but when is it?

05:30When is your second one?

05:31I don't know.

05:32You tell me.

05:33No, mine's Monday.

05:34When's yours?

05:35I don't know.

05:35Do the math.

05:37By the way, guys, I do believe that Roxanne got the Pfizer shot on Monday.

05:41Good.

05:41You're the only one.

05:42So do I not.

05:43But let's put it this way.

05:49Trust me.

05:49You got confirmation?

05:50Yeah.

05:51Well, I have no doubts that you got.

05:53Let me just put it that way.

05:54Good.

05:55I don't want to breach any trust or confidentiality.

05:58This is really the most awkward exchange ever.

06:00You know that.

06:00I do not doubt that Roxanne got the first Pfizer jab on Monday, okay?

06:06I do not doubt that you got the first one.

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