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Beasley Digital
  • 7 months ago
Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about what would happen if Dave was carjacked by a 12-year-old on his way into work and how the rest of the show would handle the situation.

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Fun
Transcript
00:00A 12-year-old boy from Washington, D.C. has been arrested and charged with a series of
00:12four armed carjackings in the city that all took place in under an hour.
00:16God, it would be so embarrassing at the end of the day to be carjacked by a 12-year-old.
00:22Yeah.
00:23Right?
00:24How would you live?
00:24Can you imagine if I came in here one morning and said, a 12-year-old stole my car?
00:30Now, I can understand that.
00:32I can understand you think that until I coached baseball against kids that are 12 and they're
00:42two feet taller than me.
00:43I don't care, Chuck.
00:44It's still-
00:45You don't know.
00:46You can't tell.
00:47A 12-year-old got the better of me.
00:49You can't even say that.
00:50You'd have to not tell that part of the story.
00:52I could never tell you.
00:53Okay, but I wouldn't tell you guys.
00:55I got carjacked on my way into work here, which is plausible.
00:58Yes, it's real.
00:59Right?
00:59Real chance.
01:00You guys thought it would have happened to me by now.
01:01Yeah.
01:02A couple times close.
01:03But I don't tell you it was a 12-year-old.
01:05Mm-hmm.
01:05Yeah.
01:06No.
01:06And then, of course, the story comes out.
01:08Yeah, so you just hope the story never comes out.
01:10I guess if the story comes out.
01:10Like, you almost hope they never catch him.
01:11Oh, the story comes out.
01:12Yeah.
01:12If he's 12 and he's carjacked, the story makes headlines.
01:16Yeah.
01:17And then I never live it down.
01:20No.
01:20I don't know.
01:21To me, a gun is the equalizer, man.
01:23Yeah.
01:23Oh, you say that, Chuck.
01:24A gun's an equalizer.
01:24If it was me, you'd never let me live it down?
01:27Well, I don't care.
01:27You bring 12-year-olds out here?
01:28I don't care if the most hardened criminal, if a baby, I would never let you live it down
01:33if you got carjacked.
01:35Because of your choices.
01:35I'm trying to think.
01:36I'm trying to put myself in the headspace that you actually got carjacked.
01:40Right.
01:41By a 12-year-old.
01:44And, you know, on the surface, I think it could be funny.
01:48Like, I'm like, oh, it could be, but you were carjacked with a gun.
01:51Yeah, when you really dig into it, it's serious.
01:54Yes.
01:54Yeah.
01:54And your car's gone and you could have died, and we might not laugh about that.
01:59I don't think we'd be laughing right away.
02:01I hope not.
02:01I don't think we'd be laughing right away.
02:03I hope you wouldn't.
02:04I don't know, but I think we'd be laughing later.
02:07Tell me how long.
02:08I feel like Chuck would laugh pretty soon.
02:09And I would laugh right away.
02:11I feel like pretty soon, Chuck would laugh.
02:13Like, he's not giving me any leave.
02:14Not in front of you.
02:14No, as soon as I leave the room, you'd die.
02:16I would definitely die.
02:18I would be like, well, what did he expect?
02:21He takes that way here.
02:22I told him to go to Nine Mile.
02:24I told him for years, go to Nine Mile.
02:26But what does he do?
02:27He drives down eight miles.
02:28He got carjacked.
02:29You get what you deserve.
02:32That's nice.
02:33He thinks I deserve it.
02:34Well, no, that's just a quote from the Joker.
02:36You take a lot of risks.
02:38Yeah.
02:38He does.
02:39He takes a lot of risks.
02:41He puts himself in harm's way.
02:43So if it happens to you, I will feel terrible.
02:47It'll be terrible for you walking to work that rest of the way or Ubering.
02:51I don't know what you would do.
02:52I'm assuming you're going to be naked.
02:54Well, hopefully the police will drive you up.
02:56Well, Chuck believes that's a thing they do now.
02:58So you can't really strip you naked on the streets.
03:01Take your clothes off.
03:04So you would do the kid voice and you'd say, you know, do the whole scenario.
03:07Take your clothes off.
03:10Get your clothes off, old man.
03:13Old man.
03:13Step out of the car.
03:15Well, how old are you to a 12-year-old?
03:17You're like a million.
03:19Well, wouldn't the show, so the show would go on.
03:23And then at some point, because depending on how far away you got carjacked, Dave would
03:27be running down this road naked, and we'd be like, well, there he is.
03:31Is that Dave?
03:32That's Dave.
03:33That's Dave.
03:34He's nudies.
03:35I was carjacked!
03:37I was carjacked!
03:38Does anyone have any clothes?
03:39If there's like a tall, naked man running through this area, it's Dave.
03:45It's Dave.
03:46James, give me a David Chuck shirt!
03:48Another spot.
03:49He's joined another gym.
03:52Because he doesn't have a phone.
03:53He doesn't have anything.
03:55No.
03:55He'd have to run to work.
03:56It'd take him like an hour, and we'd be like, Dave's not here.
03:59No one's heard from Dave.
04:01Dave left for work.
04:02That's all we know.
04:03We'd have to have James get him a blanket right away.
04:06Sure.
04:07Yeah.
04:07For when he came around.
04:08You'd have to have Dave and Chuck stuff.
04:10Well, maybe we got a pair of those women's underwear left.
04:13I don't think we have pants.
04:15What are we getting for bottoms?
04:15We don't have pants.
04:16I have a pair of shorts in my office.
04:18I've got adult diapers in here.
04:19Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:20So I'll be in an adult diaper and a Dave and Chuck shirt.
04:22I'm going to commit.
04:23Hold on.
04:24After being carjacked by a 12-year-old and stripping you're going home, I'm going to
04:28come in here in an adult diaper and a Dave and Chuck shirt and just go about our jolly
04:33little business.
04:34I have a feeling.
04:35I could not work with you in a diaper.
04:38It's a best of show that day.
04:39A shirt.
04:39Good.
04:40It's a best of show that day.
04:41Goodbye.
04:43We can wrap you up with a blanket over your shoulders.
04:45I don't know.
04:45I don't know.
04:47I don't know.
04:47I don't know.
04:49Here's the thing.
04:50We would all be saying like Dave would be in some kind of weird shock, right?
04:54He'd be in some weird shock.
04:55A 12-year-old just carjacked him.
04:56He's been running naked for an hour.
04:58Yes, he'd be shaking.
04:58But then the only way we end up doing a show is if he's like, no, we're doing a show.
05:04Like, I refuse to let this.
05:05We're not doing a show.
05:06I know.
05:06There's no way.
05:07We just would not do a show.
05:10Dave's got to get here early.
05:11He's got to put all the things down on paper.
05:13He's got to do all that stuff.
05:14If he gets carjacked, none of that happens.
05:17Yeah.
05:18No.
05:19You're like, don't laugh at him in that diaper.
05:20That's all the pants that we have.
05:22Listen, listen, Andy, I got to warn you.
05:24I have to warn you about something.
05:26Dave is in the studio, but he's in a diaper and a Dave and Chuck shirt that is two sizes
05:31too small, but that's all we could find.
05:32Why is he in that?
05:34That's all we could find.
05:35And he was carjacked by a 12-year-old who forced him to get naked and took his phone
05:40and his Apple Watch.
05:42Are you serious?
05:43He's in one of James' diapers?
05:45That's all he had.
05:45James is dying to give away those diapers.
05:47Oh, he so is.
05:48He's like handing them out, like standing at the door.
05:51Nine bucks for him.
05:52Who needs a knife?
05:53I'm just kidding.
05:54A big nine bucks.
05:55Anyone need a diaper?
05:57Anybody?
05:57Yeah.
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