00:00Remember when you thought it was gross to use your phone while you were on the toilet?
00:14Those days, I think for a lot of people, are ancient history now.
00:16Toilet time is phone time for a lot of folks.
00:18A new survey asked men and women what they do on their phones while they're doing their filthy business.
00:24More women than men take photos on the toilet.
00:28Amazing.
00:29Six percent of women and five percent of men take photos.
00:32Because I guess if they're clothed, I mean, we still see toilet stuff behind them, right?
00:37Like in selfies and stuff?
00:38Yeah, what are they taking pictures of?
00:40Themselves on the toilet?
00:41They're not their deuce.
00:43They also found in this study that one out of six phones have fecal matter on them.
00:47Yeah, I don't like to borrow anybody's phone.
00:49Yeah, don't touch that.
00:52Oh, dude, mine?
00:55Boy, oh boy.
00:56Boy, and there'd be tons of fecal matter on your phone, I believe, Chuck.
00:59You take it in there every time.
01:01Yeah, I think so, too.
01:01I just kind of am starting to believe that everything's covered in fecal particles.
01:05No, I think it really is, honestly.
01:07You know?
01:08It's a pretty gross thing to think about.
01:09Because all it takes is, like, say, even if you wash your hands, you missed a spot or something.
01:14Mm-hmm.
01:15A little nook.
01:16You've got to sing happy birthday when you wash your hands.
01:19That's what you do.
01:20Are you insane?
01:21No, that makes sure you wash your hands for long enough.
01:23Oh, the right amount of time.
01:24You're singing happy birthday in there to yourself in your head?
01:27Happy birthday to you.
01:29Of course he is.
01:30Happy birthday to you.
01:32Dave.
01:32Happy birthday, dear Dave.
01:36Happy birthday to you.
01:40Done.
01:41That's thorough.
01:42That is a look into the mind of madness.
01:45If you could read this in an urban-type voice, this text just came in.
01:51Dave is so white singing happy birthday while he washes his hands.
01:55Cracker probably counts how many times he chews.
01:59One, two, three, four.
02:02You know, they say nine chews per bite.
02:05You don't want to choke or get indigestion.
02:07Okay, I'm going to admit this now, too.
02:09Okay.
02:09Oh, no.
02:10I bought the toothbrush, this electric toothbrush, that comes with a timer.
02:15Yeah, mine has it, too, but I didn't.
02:17And it gives you the two-minute.
02:18And if you don't do two minutes, it gives you a frowny face.
02:21Oh, mine doesn't give me a frowny face.
02:23Oh, I don't get a frowny face.
02:24It just vibrates every time.
02:25No, mine goes to two minutes.
02:27If you do, like, 30 seconds, it's, like, pissed at you.
02:29If you do, like, a minute, it's very sad.
02:31If you do a minute and a half, it's frowny face.
02:34But if you get two minutes, it's like, yeah, you did it.
02:36And you use that yourself every day.
02:40Oh, boy.
02:40It's not a kid's toothbrush.
02:41That is definitely a kid's toothbrush.
02:42No, it's not at all.
02:43It's like Oral-B.
02:45Kid's toothbrush.
02:45No, it's not at all.
02:47It just comes with a timer.
02:49It's a kid's toothbrush.
02:49So you're supposed to be offended that the toothbrush is mad at you?
02:51Oh, yes.
02:52It's just my own personal defeat.
02:54And it's working.
02:55So the just regular, you know, vibrate every 30 seconds or whatever, isn't it?
03:00Or is it 30?
03:01Mine goes zzzz when it hits two minutes.
03:03Yeah.
03:04So you know.
03:04So I just keep doing it.
03:05In fact, I even have my own Oral-B app.
03:07Oh, my Christ.
03:08That it Bluetooths with my toothbrush and tracks my brushing progress.
03:12Oh, this is the dumbest thing anyone's ever admitted to.
03:15Come on.
03:17It keeps track of everything.
03:18Yeah.
03:19If I get some time this weekend, I'd really like to go through my toothbrush numbers.
03:22Because she can tell he is, you know what?
03:36It's been two months.
03:37I should probably.
03:39Yeah.
03:41It's the Oral-B Black 7000, bitches.
03:44Yeah.
03:44The latest in tooth technology.
03:46Someone tweeted us just when they thought Dave couldn't get any whiter.
03:51He just did.
03:54Shannon, you're on with Dave and Chuck the Freak.
03:55Good morning.
03:56Hey, good morning, guys.
03:57Hi.
03:58So I'm familiar with the toothbrush, I have to admit.
04:01And interesting how the topic has changed from on the toilet to toothbrushing.
04:05Yeah, it happens.
04:07So I have an older version of that toothbrush you're talking about.
04:11And I don't know if you've ever went past the two minutes.
04:13Yeah, I do.
04:14But you get different faces when you get to two minutes, 30 seconds, or even three minutes.
04:19Oh, my God, Dave.
04:20You sound like a bigger nerd than Dave.
04:25I should be offended, but that made me laugh.
04:27This is exactly why I never call into phone shows.
04:30Exactly.
04:31Yeah.
04:32I don't know if you ever get past the two minutes.
04:34Dave, Dave, holy crap, I cannot believe someone else was talking about this.
04:41Dave, have you gone to three minutes for heaven's sakes?
04:46Oh, my God, this is the show of my dreams.
04:49The goddamn thing shoots confetti out.
04:54View into life.
04:55But I have hit three minutes, for sure.
04:59Yeah.
04:59I get all caught up in it.
05:01Front and back and back and down, down, down.
05:04Oh, no, he's got another song he sings himself.
05:06No, I don't say I don't sing a toothbrush song.
05:08Front and back and front and back and down, down, down, down.
05:10Circle, circle, circle, up and down.
05:12Let's go to Jeff.
05:14Hi.
05:15Hey, how's she going, eh?
05:16How's she going, eh?
05:18He had a comment.
05:19Yeah, I was just going to say, you know, like that other nerd, Shannon, there, I don't know
05:23if you've actually hit the five-minute mark.
05:25The smiley face gets even bigger, and then it ends up shooting toothpaste all over your
05:28face.
05:29All right, now.
05:30Come on, now.
05:31That's ridiculous.
05:33That's ridiculous.
05:35Five minutes in your mouth.
05:37Okay.
05:37I'm going to blast you in the face.
05:39All right.
05:39All right.
05:40Move on.
05:41Enough about my stupid toothbrush.
05:43Yeah, that thing's awesome.
05:44We're going to take a break.
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