Chuck the Meat Gazer

Beasley Digital

Dave & Chuck the Freak were talking about a drug testing facility that had samples dumped behind it when calls started coming in about creepy pee monitors.

Transcript

00:00A video that surfaced online this past weekend shows dozens of marked urine samples

00:13just dumped behind a testing facility in Taylor.

00:18The samples were labeled JAMS, which is short for Jail Alternatives for Michigan Services.

00:25Drug and alcohol offenders who take part in JAMS, a drug testing program,

00:29are ordered to give piss samples to show the court that they're clean.

00:33A person's freedom depends on their sample and how it's handled.

00:38Yeah.

00:40But.

00:40If you need some urine.

00:42If I'm in JAMS, if I'm Dave in JAMS.

00:45Yeah.

00:45Right?

00:46I don't want my name and my piss out there.

00:49Anyone knows that?

00:50Yeah, you'd think it'd be private.

00:51Yeah.

00:51You'd want to keep that private.

00:53Yeah, if I'm in JAMS, yes.

00:54Yeah, because there are people out there that are like, oh my god, I've got Dave's pee.

00:58And they're, oh, you're disgusting.

01:00The goal in life, like I said always, is like, don't go to jail.

01:04Don't be on probation where you have to piss in a cup.

01:07Yeah.

01:07And be somewhere and have to turn it in.

01:09And then it gets lost in the back of the place.

01:12That's just my goal.

01:12That's a big priority.

01:13I share your goal, Lise.

01:15I share your goal.

01:16You never want to have to pee with someone else making sure you're peeing.

01:19Right.

01:20And it's you.

01:20Oh, yeah.

01:21You know what I mean?

01:21Yeah, that part too.

01:22You know?

01:23I got to watch.

01:24Yeah, they got to watch.

01:25Talk about a bad job.

01:27I mean, I'm sure I could find a better job than piss watcher, piss handler.

01:31Oh, it'd suck to be in the piss game.

01:32No, no, it really would, Andy.

01:34It'd be horrible to be in the piss game.

01:36I'm all pissed out.

01:37Somebody said I used to go to the one at Wixom that was there.

01:40There was an old guy named Chester that worked there.

01:42They're like 40 mirrors all aiming at your dong.

01:45And literally, they had the creepiest old man named Chester watching you pee.

01:49Oh, man.

01:52Hi, I'm here to pee?

01:54Yeah.

01:55They used to make cartoons about me.

01:58What's your name, sir?

01:59Chester the Molester.

02:00Oh, no.

02:02You have to watch me pee?

02:03That's my job.

02:06Okay.

02:07Pull him down.

02:08I don't.

02:09Is there anyone else that can come in here?

02:11No, just me.

02:12Because I'm not comfortable with you, Chester.

02:14Chester, are you drooling?

02:17What's happening over there?

02:19Let me press my finger against your lips.

02:21Oh, no.

02:22Get your hand away from me.

02:25All right.

02:25Just relax.

02:26Okay, I'm going to.

02:28Let it happen.

02:28I'm going to try.

02:30Let it happen.

02:30Okay, I don't.

02:32Okay.

02:35Attaboy.

02:37Oh, look at that.

02:41Filling it up.

02:43Oh.

02:44Any more?

02:45Push.

02:47Okay.

02:47Oh, thataboy.

02:50Need any help?

02:51No!

02:54This is uncomfortable listening.

03:00Really give it all you got.

03:03Try and fill that cup for me, sonny.

03:06Attaboy.

03:07Don't mind if I stir it with my finger, don't you?

03:17Oh, Chester.

03:21Good morning.

03:22Is this Wolfie?

03:24Yeah.

03:24How's she going, eh?

03:25How's she going, eh?

03:26Wolfie, you've been a part of the jams.

03:28My supervisor, and he apparently was on jams, too.

03:32Apparently, there's an Asian guy there who gets right at crash level when you're peeing.

03:38Stares right at your donger and starts making insults and jokes at you.

03:42What?

03:43Ha, ha, ha.

03:44Oh, man.

03:46That's so funny.

03:46You guys all say, we got a small one, but look at you.

03:50Tiniest riddle dong I've ever seen.

03:52Oh, man.

03:54Okay, pee.

03:55Go ahead.

03:56You got to be so close to me.

03:57I have to really make sure that it's your pee.

04:01Oh, man.

04:02Oh, don't laugh at me.

04:06Oh, wreck a little baby.

04:08Oh, come on, man.

04:10Oh, push, big guy.

04:13Come on.

04:14You're a sick little bastard, man.

04:16Oh, one quarter cup so far.

04:18Not much in you, huh?

04:20Yeah, no, you're making me nervous.

04:24You got stones or something?

04:25No, no stones.

04:26Nothing even coming out.

04:28Oh, I can feel your breath on my dong.

04:30Just back up.

04:31Oh, no.

04:34Ah, my favorite part is when I bro on it.

04:36Oh, stop.

04:39Oh, I hate jams.

04:39Is that helping?

04:41No, it's not helping.

04:44Get out of here, riddle dick.

04:48Oh, don't slap me on the ass.

04:52It's revenge.

04:54The Farmington Jams had an older, biker-looking white guy who would meet gays.

05:00He would jiggle change in his pocket as he was breathing down your neck.

05:04That's not jiggling change.

05:05Nope.

05:05You could hear him heavy breathing in your ear.

05:07It was super creepy like he was stroking it behind you.

05:10Oh.

05:11Oh, God.

05:19The sweet vest.

05:22Hope you don't mind.

05:23Oh, what are you doing with your hand there, fella?

05:27Oh, no.

05:30You're good at that.

05:32Oh, shut up.

05:33Come on.

05:36Oh, no.

05:39Oh, no.

05:40Oh, no.

05:43Why is there so much jingling and jangling going on in your pockets?

05:51Don't be nervous.

05:52I'm very nervous.

05:53Oh, dude.

05:56Oh, man.

05:58Oh, man.

05:59I have learned my lesson.

06:01Turn your leg around.

06:03Oh, dude.

06:08Chuck does crazy way too well.

06:09I know.

06:10Way too well.

06:11Super well.

06:12Pretty natural for him.

06:14Thank you, Evan, sir.

06:16Yes, sir.

06:17Um.

06:19Yeah, it's my pleasure.

06:20Bye-bye.

06:29Bye-bye.

06:37Bye-bye.

06:38Bye-bye.

06:39Bye-bye.

06:41Bye-bye.

06:43Bye-bye.

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