00:00I'm a trans dad and I use gender-neutral pronouns when referring to my child.
00:03I raised wilder, practicing they-them pronouns.
00:06My child is, as they would say, just wilder.
00:09I was nine years into my transition when I found out that I was pregnant.
00:13Being a papa, a parent, is something that I've dreamt of being my entire life.
00:17And I never knew how I would come to it as a queer trans person.
00:20A lot of people claim that I'm confusing my child by raising them in a gender-neutral
00:24way.
00:25I have hundreds of comments that say, poor child.
00:27CPS should remove that child.
00:29People say ignore it, but there's only so much you can ignore.
00:35Right now we're in Wilder's playroom.
00:36One of the things that felt really important to me when I was creating this room was that
00:40it be as gender-neutral as possible.
00:42It's not a pink or blue nursery.
00:44It's a room for Wilder.
00:45We've got trucks, we've got dinosaurs, we've got Barbies, we've got dolls, we've got books
00:50about being your truest self.
00:52When I was growing up, I was a born female and I really only had access to makeup boxes
00:58and jewelry and high heels and dress-up clothes and I wanted the soccer ball and I wanted
01:04to build things and I didn't have the most access to the things that I think I would
01:08have enjoyed the most.
01:09It's just giving your child access to things and having things available for them to be
01:14able to decide if that's what they like or if that's what they like.
01:17And that's what I try to do for Wilder.
01:18I was nine years into my transition when I found out that I was pregnant.
01:22My pregnancy with Wilder was a surprise for me.
01:25I am a recovering addict and my last relapse, I acted out and one of the initial consequences
01:33turned greatest blessing of my life.
01:40I conceived my child during my last relapse in my addiction.
01:44Being a papa, a parent, is something that I've dreamt of being my entire life and I
01:49never knew how I would come to it as a queer trans person and the university did for me
01:54what I didn't think I'd be able to do for myself.
01:56Everybody was completely shocked.
01:58I decided to raise Wilder as gender neutral and to practice gender creative parenting
02:02really from the beginning before Wilder was even born.
02:05I've seen how our gendered stereotypes impact children and their experience in the world
02:10and I didn't want that to happen for Wilder.
02:12My child is, as they would say, you're just Wilder.
02:15Gender is fluid.
02:16I don't identify as a man or a woman, I identify as both, somewhere in between, some days neither
02:22and how I felt yesterday is different than how I feel today and might even be different
02:25than how I feel tomorrow and so one thing that I want to be very clear with Wilder is
02:28that you don't have to know.
02:31Kids at school ask Wilder are you a boy or a girl and Wilder says I'm Wilder and that's
02:34it then they go back to playing.
02:36Kids are far smarter than our society gives them credit for and understand themselves
02:41a whole lot better than honestly many adults that I know.
02:45What would you say to people who think that you are confusing Wilder?
02:48I think a lot of people who claim that I'm confusing my child by raising them in a gender
02:52neutral way are people who just haven't had the education or experience themselves to
02:56understand why I'm doing this or how gendered stereotypes impact kids.
03:03The things that I struggled with the most as a child, as a youth, were society's expectations
03:09that had been placed upon me.
03:10This is how you should act, this is what you should look like, this is, right?
03:14And I didn't fit into those boxes but had I known that there had been this option where
03:17actually you don't have to fit into the mold or the box, you can create your own, in fact
03:21that's really beautiful, I think it would have changed my life.
03:25I came out as trans when I was 25 and the one thing that my parents have done perfectly
03:31my entire life is they've loved me unconditionally.
03:35So when I told my mom, she's like I don't understand this, I don't want you to do this
03:39because I'm terrified for you but you're my child so whatever you decide to do we're gonna
03:45support you.
03:46And I have, and I absolutely have.
03:50It's so interesting to see myself at 37 and think about what I used to think or see myself
03:55as when I was a kid and it's similar and yet it's so different.
03:58Wilder calls me Papa, Wilder sometimes calls me Danny, to be silly.
04:02I chose Papa instead of Dad because it feels more soft and warm and it feels a little bit
04:07more gender neutral for me as a non-binary person than Dad does.
04:11A friend reached out to me right after I found out I was pregnant and she's like have you
04:15thought about joining TikTok?
04:17And so I joined and as soon as I did my video went viral and it's just been increasing over
04:23time.
04:24I've received a great deal of cyberbullying, hundreds, thousands of hateful comments.
04:29On a daily regular basis I have hundreds of comments that say poor child, CPS should remove
04:35that child.
04:36People say ignore it but there's only so much you can ignore.
04:39I've decided to take Wilder off of the internet and no longer show their face for their safety.
04:44The beautiful thing is that it only takes one positive and supportive comment to completely
04:48wash away hundreds and hundreds of negative comments.
04:51For that parent to tell me that thank you because now they can see the life that their
04:56child can one day live or that child saying thank you I didn't realize I could be a parent
05:02one day and actually carry my own child.
05:05Those comments keep me going.
05:07I've always really admired that Danny is willing to continually put himself out there in the
05:12public sphere despite the kind of hate that comes back at him.
05:16Tell us about Liz, who's Liz?
05:18Liz is my everything.
05:21She's the most second important person in Wilder's life and she's become the second most
05:24important person in my life as well.
05:26I mean I've had trans friends, I attend a very liberal church where we have members
05:31who are trans so it wasn't a foreign concept to me and I've always been comfortable with
05:36the idea that people are who they are.
05:39To know that somebody loves my child in the way that Liz loves Wilder is so reassuring
05:44and beautiful and leaves me feeling so hopeful and excited for Wilder because Wilder loves
05:49their Liz.
05:50Liz loves their Wilder.
05:51Like it's so beautiful and it's the most magical place to be able to raise my child.
05:57We are on our farm, this is where Wilder was born.
06:00We have tons of animals as you can see, this is Margo, she loves these flowers.
06:04These are our new bottle fed baby goats, we've got Tilly here.
06:08Who else do we have Wilder?
06:09Astro and Peanut Butter Jelly.
06:12Astro and Peanut Butter Jelly.
06:14Do you want to help Papa let the rest of the animals out?
06:17Hitchcock is quite talkative this morning.
06:19Do you want to help Papa let the rest of the animals out?
06:22Good day ladies, good day.
06:24Hello, you alright?
06:26Hello Cynthia.
06:27We have three cats, we've got two parrots, we've got pigs and chickens and alpacas and
06:33goats.
06:34This is Bouncer.
06:35Bouncer is a hen, but sometimes what happens is chickens, hens will take on rooster-like
06:39characteristics if there aren't any roosters around.
06:41And so Bouncer is our non-binary chicken who decided to start crowing at 4am.
06:45Getting emotional talking about it, it felt really special to get this non-binary chicken
06:51as a trans non-binary person.
06:53For Wilder's future, I hope they're met with kindness and I hope that they have more self-love
07:01than I could have ever imagined possible for myself.
07:05And I hope that they know how smart and brave and bold and beautiful and caring they are.
07:10And I hope that they achieve their dreams no matter what they are.
07:13I have no idea what the future holds or where we'll be, but what I do know is that my home
07:18is wherever my child is.
07:20Wilder's changed my life in every single way possible.
07:23Wilder's shifted my life from darkness to light.
07:26They give me something to be hopeful for and to find joy in and to be proud of.
07:33Wilder's a really powerful little being.
07:36They are here to change this world.
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