00:00 I like to be the piece of shit on the side of society.
00:03 I like that people hate on me.
00:05 The more I try to understand the normal world,
00:07 the less I understand it.
00:09 I want to let go of how I look, just be who I am.
00:12 Six years ago, I started with hormones
00:14 and I started living as a girl.
00:17 I like to wear hot pants a lot.
00:18 I have one tattoo.
00:19 No one can tell me what to do on my body,
00:22 so why not scribble the shit out of it?
00:24 I'm Lily Lu, I'm a YouTuber, filmmaker, retired tattooist.
00:29 I'm also very known in the adult industry.
00:31 I got a lot of awards for it.
00:33 I'm a daddy and I really enjoy life.
00:37 We are located in the south of Germany on a little mountain
00:41 and we are just surrounded by nature.
00:43 Silent 25 is kind of my modern temple
00:45 of my art, my philosophy.
00:48 I try to create a place as must push you
00:51 out of your comfort zone as possible.
00:53 The next bigger cities are very far away.
00:56 There's no train station.
00:57 We have very bad internet.
00:59 We are very disconnected from the world,
01:01 as disconnected as you can be these days, I would say.
01:05 So here are my clothes.
01:07 Many, many hot pants.
01:08 Hot pants is my thing.
01:10 But now it's winter, it becomes a little bit colder,
01:12 so you wear a little bit more stuff.
01:14 Pink is my color.
01:15 I also really like to wear skirts.
01:18 I like more the cute, cute stuff.
01:22 I have one tattoo.
01:24 I love to embrace life
01:25 and I love to scribble it everywhere.
01:27 Like that's all over silent, everywhere you can read it.
01:30 Love is life, life is love, life, life, life, life.
01:33 It's very hard to calculate
01:35 when you have this amount of ink on your body.
01:38 It's a big part of your journey.
01:40 There was certain steps in my life,
01:42 certain rituals of my life,
01:43 where I wanted to have it marked on my outside skin.
01:46 Most of the symbols on me, they represent something.
01:49 Like there's hundreds of monks in Asia was tattooing on me.
01:53 I was go through a lot of different things
01:55 and ancient tribe rituals, modern rituals,
01:59 to just create my own tattoo or a marking on my body
02:02 will represent something bad
02:04 is sometimes more meaningful to me
02:07 than it represents something good
02:08 because it holds me back to ever make this mistake again.
02:11 So I embrace this a lot more
02:14 than I do about like having a happy, good, positive tattoo.
02:18 It's a reminder to myself, that's why I'm here, you know?
02:21 And sometimes we all have dark times in life.
02:23 It's just a collection of memories, a collection of my life.
02:27 I wanna let go of who I look.
02:29 I wanna let go of my face, of everything.
02:31 Just be who I am.
02:34 I'm not much a going for shopping person.
02:37 I'm more like a punk.
02:38 I like secondhand.
02:39 I like making the stuff myself.
02:42 I maybe look like I'm wearing a character
02:45 when I go out in the world, but we all do.
02:47 Everybody plays a character in the game of society,
02:51 but most people just, they wanna be a good gamer, you know?
02:54 So they try to dress like this, behave like this,
02:58 but I'm not sure if they're more happy.
03:00 Like it's all about, you have a good job,
03:02 you make good money, you have a fancy car,
03:04 you have a big house, but at the end of the day,
03:07 most of them not happy.
03:08 They use drugs, they use alcohol, cigarettes, television,
03:12 so much things to distract them
03:14 from their true what they wanna be.
03:16 I also have a lot of dresses.
03:18 Probably nothing a real guy wanna wear anymore.
03:22 Six years ago, I started with hormones
03:25 and the serious part of my transition.
03:28 You really have to let go from your idea of being a man.
03:32 Start getting a hormone balance
03:34 and you start feeling different,
03:37 and then you start reflecting it more to the outside.
03:40 And that has become a very beautiful experience for me.
03:44 My wife know me as the person I am, you know?
03:47 It's that easy because it's only that complicated
03:50 when you hold so much on that person
03:53 is the outside skin, you know?
03:54 Lily wrote me in Facebook and liked a picture from me,
03:58 and then we got in contact.
04:00 And from there on, we are now seven years together.
04:03 I would say in the beginning,
04:05 I for sure also struggled sometimes.
04:09 Now the good thing is that Lily have a personality
04:13 because most people don't have a personality.
04:18 Our relationship is kind of based on friendship.
04:21 - Friendship is a lot of benefits.
04:23 - It's a lot of benefits, yeah.
04:25 - We're not having a classical monogamous relationship.
04:28 We're very open.
04:29 There's a lot of other peoples involved in our sex life,
04:32 but in our conditions and still on a nice level
04:36 that we both are happy with it and we both enjoy this,
04:39 and it brings us together and not rips us apart.
04:42 Gender is something deeply rooted in society as well.
04:45 Society teach you a real man makes this,
04:47 a real man is this,
04:49 and you try to have this picture
04:51 of who you are as a real man.
04:53 And at some point, I wanted to become a little bit more free
04:56 from this gender thing.
04:57 I was thinking I have to break my male ego.
05:00 What breaks you more as a man than living as a woman?
05:03 It's that simple, you know?
05:05 And it's very hard to sometimes explain this to people,
05:08 but it's part of progression in my mind.
05:11 I wanted to be free in my mind from this gender thing.
05:14 - Mark transformed to Lily over a long, long period of time.
05:19 So the transition was already happening.
05:22 And I support my partner no matter what,
05:27 even so I have my struggles with it or not.
05:30 I think this is what love should be.
05:34 - Surprisingly, children are the best persons in society
05:38 because they're the less influenced the younger they are.
05:41 I go to my child and explain,
05:42 "Oh, I will live now as a woman and this and that."
05:44 And she take my hand and say, "Don't worry, Papa.
05:48 I don't care if you wear a skirt or pants.
05:50 You're always my Papa."
05:52 That easy.
05:53 - How do you feel about people
05:55 who judge your parenting style?
05:57 - Most people who knows my daughter,
05:58 they're very jealous about her life and how she grows up.
06:01 I try to push her to be creative and to be productive.
06:04 Our day-to-day life is probably the most
06:07 unnormal as it can be.
06:09 Lily and me live one and a half year in the tent.
06:13 - What do you like about sleeping in a tent?
06:15 Not a lot, but nothing?
06:17 - I love her and she knows it.
06:20 And I support her no matter what.
06:21 And that's what parenting is in my life.
06:24 - No matter how we look,
06:28 no matter if it's the person behind the camera
06:32 or if it's me as fully tattooed or with dreadlocks,
06:36 people judge.
06:37 - I really don't care what people think
06:39 because you will not end up living like this
06:41 and look like this when you really care about people
06:43 because then the normal life is better for you probably.
06:46 I'm very aware that people see me
06:48 and they have a lot of judgments,
06:50 but under the line I know most of their judgments are wrong.
06:53 Every bad comment is made because it's a reaction
06:56 that this person get triggered by something.
06:59 There are no hate comments for me.
07:01 It's just a sad person leaving a statement that he's sad.
07:05 - It makes absolutely no difference who we are,
07:08 this is just the truth about life.
07:12 I couldn't care less about anyone telling me anything.
07:16 - I don't give a (beep) about people, pretty simple.
07:19 - I look like this 20 years.
07:21 And these days they like this, it's tolerated, it's cool.
07:25 But 20 years ago, people crossed the street
07:28 when they see me and I liked it.
07:30 I like that people avoid me.
07:32 I like that people hate on me.
07:34 I like to be the piece of (beep) on the side of society.
07:38 The goal for every day is be happy.
07:40 I think you need to find happiness
07:42 within yourself for yourself,
07:43 because when you're not happy,
07:45 you will not be happy with the family.
07:47 Peace out.
07:49 - I don't.
07:50 (upbeat music)
07:52 (upbeat music)
07:55 (upbeat music)
07:57 [BLANK_AUDIO]
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