- 6/20/2025
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Susan and Mike finally tied the knot.
00:00:07Lynette got some disturbing news.
00:00:09Where the hell do you get off having cancer and not telling me about it?
00:00:13Mom.
00:00:14Brie returned from her trip.
00:00:16Holy crap.
00:00:17With a surprise.
00:00:18There you go.
00:00:19Gabby married Victor.
00:00:20Gabby is the smartest thing you've ever done.
00:00:22Without bringing in the Latino vote, the governor's mansion is as good as yours.
00:00:25While Carlos.
00:00:26Why are you so reluctant to make a commitment to me?
00:00:28Ended it with Edie.
00:00:29I am done with you.
00:00:32But the search for true happiness led to events that were unexpected and distinctly desperate.
00:00:46The first thing you should know is that Edie Britt never actually intended to die.
00:00:54But someone she loved was trying to leave her.
00:00:58So she planned every detail.
00:01:01From the silk scarf she'd hang by to the suicide note detailing her despair.
00:01:08Now all Edie had to do was wait for her beloved to come home.
00:01:16Hey Edie.
00:01:17I'm here to get my stuff.
00:01:19You see to hold on to her man, Edie knew she'd have to find the perfect moment to let go.
00:01:27Hey Carlos?
00:01:28Sadly for Edie.
00:01:29Can I talk to you?
00:01:30Her timing was fatally flawed.
00:01:31Ms. McCluskey.
00:01:32I need to show you something.
00:01:33Come here.
00:01:34What's this?
00:01:35Those are trash cans.
00:01:37I know they're trash cans, smart ass.
00:01:38I'm asking what they're doing out on a Saturday night when the trash got picked up on Thursday.
00:01:52Fine.
00:01:53I will take them in.
00:01:54Happy now?
00:01:55Carlos?
00:01:56What the hell is that?
00:01:59And this is how Carlos Solis arrived just in the nick of time to save the life of Edie Britt.
00:02:24Oh, baby.
00:02:25What did you do?
00:02:26Come on, you gotta wake up.
00:02:27Come on, please.
00:02:28Of course, had he known what she was about to do to his life, he would have let her hang
00:02:41there.
00:02:52There is a certain time of night, after children have been put to bed and husbands have begun
00:02:58snoring, that women lie awake and think of the secrets they've been keeping from their
00:03:03friends.
00:03:04It might be an impromptu wedding, or a recently diagnosed tumor, or a make-believe pregnancy.
00:03:17Regardless, it's all they will think of until something comes along to remind them that
00:03:24other people have secrets, too.
00:03:30Carlos, how is she?
00:03:32What did the doctors say?
00:03:33Ah, they've got Edie on a ventilator, but she's gonna be okay.
00:03:36What the hell happened?
00:03:37How could she pull a stunt like this?
00:03:39She left a note, which pretty much blames me.
00:03:41Oh, sweetie.
00:03:42I can't believe this is happening.
00:03:43It's like Mary Alice all over again.
00:03:44Yes, but the good news is she's gonna live.
00:03:45I know it's her wedding night, but do you think we should call Gabby?
00:03:49Gabby?
00:03:50Gabby?
00:03:51You know, this better be one hell of a wedding night, considering how long you're taking
00:04:04in there.
00:04:05Trust me, Victor.
00:04:06This will be a night you'll never forget.
00:04:08Let's get out of here.
00:04:10What?
00:04:11I'm serious.
00:04:12You, me, just screw it all.
00:04:15Let's run away together.
00:04:17I just got married.
00:04:18There are 200 people out there waiting for me to lead a conga line.
00:04:21Gabby, you just said you don't feel like Victor really loves you, and you know I do.
00:04:24I've never stopped.
00:04:25I can't dump him on our wedding day.
00:04:26That's a horrible thing to do, even to Victor.
00:04:28He'll get over it.
00:04:29But I've never gotten over losing you, and I won't let it happen again.
00:04:34Gabby, you in here?
00:04:39Gabby?
00:04:41Gabby.
00:04:44Oh.
00:04:45Hi.
00:04:46Hi, I was just counting gifts.
00:04:50That's fine.
00:04:51I was actually looking for that publicist guy.
00:04:53You haven't seen him, have you?
00:04:54No.
00:04:55Okay.
00:04:56I'll give you a holler when I need you.
00:05:01Come on.
00:05:03Who doesn't wear underwear on their wedding day?
00:05:05Oh, focus, you idiot.
00:05:06Well, come on.
00:05:07When are we leaving?
00:05:08So we're doing this?
00:05:12Great. It'll take me a few hours to get stuff together.
00:05:15I'm gonna pick you up tonight. Just be packed and ready to go.
00:05:17Okay, wait.
00:05:19Aren't you gonna kiss the bride?
00:05:28Finally.
00:05:30Carlos, where the hell are you?
00:05:32I'm at the hospital. Maybe try to kill herself tonight.
00:05:34Oh, my God. Is she okay?
00:05:36I found her just in time, but obviously I can't come pick you up tonight.
00:05:39Okay, that's all right. I'll just take a cab and meet you.
00:05:42Gabby, I can't leave Edie now. Look, maybe in a couple weeks.
00:05:45In a few weeks? What? No, it has to be tonight.
00:05:48Victor's in the bedroom right now waiting to consummate.
00:05:51And Edie's on a ventilator.
00:05:53Look, you don't have to stay with Victor. You have a house.
00:05:55Okay, you know, running away with you on my wedding night was crazy enough.
00:06:00But running away to be alone is insane.
00:06:02Gabby, please. She needs me. Can't you just wait?
00:06:05No. I would rather try and work it out with Victor.
00:06:13Gabby, are you coming to bed?
00:06:15Happy one month anniversary.
00:06:29I didn't know we were doing this.
00:06:31Oh, we've just been so happy the last four weeks. I thought we should celebrate.
00:06:36You are happy, right?
00:06:40Yeah. I've never been happier.
00:06:42Oh, that's sweet.
00:06:50I don't believe you. Susan.
00:06:52I watch you sometimes and you seem very disconnected. Like something's missing.
00:06:58Nothing is missing.
00:07:00So our life together is exactly how you pictured it. You've gotten everything you wanted.
00:07:04Yeah, pretty much.
00:07:05Uh-huh.
00:07:06Uh-huh.
00:07:07Pretty much means there is something that you want that you don't have.
00:07:10How can I give it to you if you don't tell me what it is?
00:07:12Susan, I swear, I am ecstatically beyond my wildest dreams.
00:07:18Lip-smackingly happy. You got it?
00:07:20This marriage is doomed.
00:07:29Hey, the moving van just pulled out.
00:07:33Oh, Andrew, I'm having problems with my strap. Could you help me?
00:07:36Look, I told you three weeks ago I was no longer participating in your little hoax.
00:07:40That includes strapping you in.
00:07:41Oh, for heaven's sakes. Orson! Could you come help me, please?
00:07:45I'll remember this the next time you want money for leather pants.
00:07:48People are going to find out, all right? And then we're going to all look like idiots.
00:07:51Well, not if we're careful.
00:07:53This isn't the 50s, okay? Teenage girls get pregnant all the time.
00:07:57I mean, my ex-lab partner is practically a grandmother.
00:07:59Look, this family's reputation is already hanging by a thread.
00:08:02I mean, first people thought that your stepfather was a wife-killer,
00:08:05then your sister takes up with her history teacher,
00:08:07and now we're supposed to parade a little bastard up and down the street.
00:08:09We might as well sit on the porch and play banjos.
00:08:12Bree, do you know there's a moving van next door?
00:08:17Come on.
00:08:22Mom, are you awake?
00:08:24Okay, honey. Just give me a minute.
00:08:27Give me a minute.
00:08:32Hey. Hey. My wig is gone. Where is it?
00:08:35It's on the nightstand.
00:08:36Oh, no. I'm looking at the nightstand, and all I see are a few straight hairs
00:08:39and this sports blooper DVD you thought would cheer me up.
00:08:43Paint Manning is funny.
00:08:45Mom!
00:08:46Hey, I'm coming!
00:08:47Hey, don't just lie there like a lump. Come on. Help me look. Look.
00:08:51This is all the moments when it occurs to me that wouldn't it be easier if we just told everyone that you have cancer?
00:08:58Oh, I found it.
00:08:59Look, I mean, I get not wanting to scare the kids, but to keep all of our friends in the dark...
00:09:03Look, I can deal with the chemo. I can deal with people telling me my hair has never looked better.
00:09:07But what I cannot deal with is the pity, so we are doing it my way.
00:09:16You were crooked.
00:09:20Hey, sweetie. What's up?
00:09:22There was a moving van across the street.
00:09:25So you went and listed right away.
00:09:27And don't worry about getting top dollar. I want this place priced to move.
00:09:32What's going on here?
00:09:33I'm meeting with our realtor. Gabby, you remember Gil?
00:09:36I remember telling you I wasn't ready to sell the house yet.
00:09:40Gil, could you give us a minute, please?
00:09:43Yeah.
00:09:44Gabby, we agreed that after we got married, you would sell the house.
00:09:47You still have a lot of stuff here.
00:09:49My house is over 10,000 square feet. I'm pretty sure there are closets.
00:09:52I'm just not in a rush to unload this house, okay?
00:09:55This was my home. I was very happy here.
00:09:57We've got a new home now. Aren't you happy there?
00:09:59Yeah, it's a great house.
00:10:01Well, good. Then sell this place.
00:10:04What are you waiting for?
00:10:10I'm not waiting for anything.
00:10:13Oh, look, a moving van.
00:10:20New neighbors. What do we know?
00:10:22Well, dining chairs, there's a clue.
00:10:24Yes. Proves they're sitting down.
00:10:26No, I mean they're stickly. It means they have taste.
00:10:28And money. They've been remodeling for weeks.
00:10:32I wish Edie were here. Without her, there's no one to give us the dish.
00:10:35Yet another illustration of the fundamental selfishness of suicide.
00:10:39I think this is them.
00:10:44Oh, my God. Catherine.
00:10:58Susan.
00:10:59I cannot believe it has been 12 years. You haven't changed a bit.
00:11:13Well, you clearly have. Your eyesight's going.
00:11:15How's your aunt? Catherine used to live here with Mrs. Simps.
00:11:21Not very well, I'm afraid. That's really the reason why we moved back.
00:11:25I didn't want poor Aunt Lily to spend her final days in a nursing home.
00:11:29That is so kind of you.
00:11:31Yeah, it is.
00:11:32Oh, and as luck would have it, my husband found a job here.
00:11:36Adam, could you wave or something?
00:11:39Hello, ladies.
00:11:40Hi.
00:11:41I look forward to meeting you when I'm a little less sweaty.
00:11:44He's a cutie. What does he do?
00:11:46He's a doctor.
00:11:47Okay. Don't take this personally. But we hate you.
00:11:50Mom?
00:11:52I finished unpacking my room. Do you need any help?
00:11:54Oh, my God. This is not little Dylan.
00:11:58I'm Susan, Julie's mom. She is going to be so excited to see you.
00:12:02Great. Who's Julie again?
00:12:04Honey, you remember your best friend when you were little?
00:12:07Oh, right.
00:12:08Why don't you go help your stepfather the last few boxes?
00:12:11It's nice meeting you all.
00:12:13What a beautiful family. I feel so lucky to have you for a neighbor.
00:12:16No, I am the lucky one. Look at my view.
00:12:19Your garden is absolutely breathtaking.
00:12:22Yeah. And that pine tree in the backyard?
00:12:26It's my pride and joy.
00:12:28Oh, it absolutely kills me to have to ask you to cut it down.
00:12:32Excuse me?
00:12:33I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be able to grow my prize-winning vegetables with that tree blocking all the sunlight.
00:12:38Oh, well, I'm sorry about your vegetables, but that pine shields my view of the Purcell's backyard.
00:12:44If you had ever seen Mr. Purcell sunbathe, well, you'd know exactly what that tree means to me.
00:12:49Well, I don't want to quarrel. We will not touch that tree until we have come up with a solution to our problem.
00:12:55Curtains, perhaps.
00:13:01So you're back. How fun.
00:13:03I should have a brunch so that everyone can get to know you.
00:13:06No, no need. I'm having a barbecue this Saturday. I'm inviting the whole neighborhood.
00:13:10Oh, you don't need to do that.
00:13:12I insist. I have missed Wisteria Lane so much. And I want to do something special for my dear old friends. And all you lovely newcomers.
00:13:21The nice thing about this big pregnancy is my feet don't swell. I mean, I'd never be able to squeeze into these slingbacks if I really was eight and a half months pregnant.
00:13:38Brie, don't you look radiant?
00:13:44Oh, hello, Mrs. McKeever.
00:13:46Well, I heard that you were expecting, but I had no idea how far along you were. May I?
00:13:52Oh, there's no need. The baby's just not kicking right now.
00:13:56Sometimes, if you give them a little jiggle, you can get them to move.
00:13:59Oh, she doesn't really want to be jiggled right now. She's very sensitive down there.
00:14:03But I'll be gentle. You know, in my day, mothers thought that it was good luck.
00:14:08Perhaps I need to make my point a little more clearly. Brie, you're hurting me.
00:14:14Is there a problem here?
00:14:15No, not at all. I'm just saying hello to a very dear friend of mine.
00:14:25Are you going to back off now?
00:14:28The car's here, dear. Lovely to see you, Mrs. McKeever.
00:14:32Oh, I must only always do that.
00:14:36No, but you've got to stop roughing them up.
00:14:42I'm sorry, Susan. Dr. Gorenberg just had a patient go into labor.
00:14:45His new partner is covering for him if you're comfortable with that.
00:14:48Sure. I'm just here for a check-up.
00:14:51Doctor?
00:14:53Thank you. Hi, I'm Dr. Mayfair. I'm gonna...
00:14:59Hold it, have we met?
00:15:00Yes, yesterday. Susan Meyer, your new neighbor.
00:15:04Right.
00:15:06I didn't know you were this kind of doctor.
00:15:09I sure am.
00:15:15Listen, um, maybe this isn't...
00:15:19Feet up, please.
00:15:20Okay.
00:15:21Okay.
00:15:24And scooch down.
00:15:32Just that it's weird, you know, considering you're...
00:15:36Where'd you go?
00:15:37And relax.
00:15:41And relax.
00:15:44Sorry.
00:15:47And relax.
00:15:50Sorry.
00:15:53And relax.
00:15:55Sorry. Um, hey, not to change the subject, but when is Dr. Gorenberg coming back?
00:15:59Almost done.
00:16:01You know, Kathryn has talked about you for years.
00:16:05It's nice to finally put a face to the name.
00:16:08Lynette!
00:16:10Muriel, how are you doing?
00:16:11What's up?
00:16:12You look good.
00:16:13Don't try to sweet-talk me, Lynette Scabo.
00:16:14I am fit to be tied.
00:16:15Did you?
00:16:16Or did you not volunteer to run the fundraising gala?
00:16:17Yeah.
00:16:18Things have been a little weird lately.
00:16:19Don't even think of wriggling out of this, Lynette.
00:16:20Every other third-grade mom has chaired an event.
00:16:21It is your turn.
00:16:22It is your turn.
00:16:23No.
00:16:24No.
00:16:25No.
00:16:26No.
00:16:27No.
00:16:28No.
00:16:29No.
00:16:30No.
00:16:31No.
00:16:32No.
00:16:33No.
00:16:34No.
00:16:35No.
00:16:36No.
00:16:37No.
00:16:38No.
00:16:39No.
00:16:40No.
00:16:41No.
00:16:42No.
00:16:43No.
00:16:44No.
00:16:45No.
00:16:46No.
00:16:47It is not an event.
00:16:48It is your turn!
00:16:50Okay, I'll jump right on it!
00:16:53Great.
00:16:55Okay.
00:16:56See!
00:16:57That's where someone with half a brain
00:17:00would have played the cancer card!
00:17:02I can handle it!
00:17:03Like hell!
00:17:04You've been nauseous all day from the chemo!
00:17:05You shouldn't even be here!
00:17:06It's my life.
00:17:07Some stupid disease is not gonna keep me from living it.
00:17:10Besides...
00:17:11Parker's expecting to see me.
00:17:12Hey!
00:17:13Hi!
00:17:14There. He saw you.
00:17:17A little duck out when the lights go down.
00:17:19He's going to be watching for me all day. He's one of the leads.
00:17:22He's fire duck.
00:17:23It's a thankless role.
00:17:32Well, everything seems normal.
00:17:35But you say you've been having irregular periods.
00:17:37Yeah. You know, one month off, two months on.
00:17:40That happens, right?
00:17:42Have you ever experienced night sweats?
00:17:44Um, sometimes.
00:17:46But Mike's a big spooner. He's like sleeping with a hibachi.
00:17:50Um, how about hot flashes?
00:17:52Okay, whoa.
00:17:53I'm going to stop you right there.
00:17:55I'm way too young for that. Please refer to your chart.
00:17:57Susan, I know for a lot of women,
00:17:59the word menopause has negative connotations.
00:18:01They hear aging, brittle bones, loss of sexual desire.
00:18:07Okay, before we go any further, can I check those diplomas?
00:18:09Look, there's a simple blood test we can use to find out.
00:18:11I don't need any test. I am not old enough for menopause.
00:18:14Now, I don't know what kind of nonsense they taught you at Harvard Medical School.
00:18:21Class of 97?
00:18:22Oh, my God. I am old.
00:18:26Just give me the damn test.
00:18:30We will live in these woods till our work is done.
00:18:32If the sheriff comes, we will drive him away with our bows and arrows.
00:18:37You okay?
00:18:40I'm feeling a little...
00:18:41God save all you merry men!
00:18:43I beseech thee!
00:18:45Pray that I may join your man, band of merry men!
00:18:49I am more than just a jolly friar.
00:18:51For I can have both a sword and an arrow!
00:18:55We must support Robin Hood.
00:18:56Oh, I'm going to be sick!
00:18:58Right there with you, lady.
00:18:59Oh, hell! Robin Hood!
00:19:05Okay, let's go.
00:19:06No, it's too late.
00:19:15Bravo!
00:19:18I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll get you a new purse.
00:19:21Fine. But that wasn't my purse.
00:19:23Hello. You have everything you need?
00:19:44You just let me know.
00:19:44Hi! Good to see you.
00:19:45Oh, you look great.
00:19:48Mrs. McCluskey. Hello.
00:19:50Hello.
00:19:51How are you?
00:19:53Do you remember me?
00:19:55You're best Truman, right?
00:19:56Of course I remember you.
00:19:58That's your way of checking if my brain's gone all tapioca.
00:20:00I'm fine.
00:20:01Sorry.
00:20:02So I saw your kid and your new husband.
00:20:04Nice cash.
00:20:05Oh, well, thank you.
00:20:06I'm very eager for him to experience life on Mysteria Lane.
00:20:10The times that Bill and I spent here were the happiest of our lives.
00:20:13Yeah?
00:20:14Why'd you take off so suddenly?
00:20:15You skipped town without even saying goodbye.
00:20:18Fine.
00:20:19You do remember a lot, don't you?
00:20:21Hmm.
00:20:21Excuse me.
00:20:24Really must mingle.
00:20:30I think these eggs are past the prime.
00:20:33Oh.
00:20:35So you just shun them and throw them away.
00:20:38Well, yeah, since some mayonnaise left out in the sun can kill you.
00:20:43Are they okay?
00:20:44You're some kind of moody today.
00:20:46Yeah, I get used to it.
00:20:48Okay.
00:20:49Did I hear something wrong?
00:20:50No, I'm sorry.
00:20:51I'm just a little...
00:20:52You know what?
00:20:54Forget it.
00:20:55Let's eat.
00:20:56You're who?
00:20:57Susan!
00:20:57We saved your place!
00:20:58Come on.
00:21:01We want you over here.
00:21:03Come on.
00:21:09Oh my god, Dylan!
00:21:13Hi.
00:21:13It's me.
00:21:15Julie.
00:21:15Julie's the one we were talking about.
00:21:17Hi, honey.
00:21:18She was your best friend.
00:21:18Yeah, and I brought you a little welcome back.
00:21:23It's your favorite.
00:21:24Oh my goodness.
00:21:25Do you remember how much you used to love licorice?
00:21:29I did.
00:21:29Mm-hmm.
00:21:30Okay.
00:21:34Come on.
00:21:35I've got some of the old gang I want you to meet.
00:21:37Have fun.
00:21:40Menopause?
00:21:41God, aren't you a little young for that?
00:21:43I know.
00:21:44You thought you married a vibrant woman in her prime and instead you got a wife who's...
00:21:50Dry and dusty.
00:21:52Oh, honey.
00:21:54Oh, it's a natural part of life.
00:21:56Yeah, the part before death.
00:21:58Oh.
00:21:59I know that it's upsetting, but it's really not that big a deal.
00:22:02Yes, it is.
00:22:03What if you want to have kids?
00:22:04We agreed that we didn't.
00:22:05No, you said you did.
00:22:06I said I didn't and you changed your mind.
00:22:08What if you change it back?
00:22:09That's not going to happen.
00:22:09Listen, my last egg could be on its way down the chute at this very moment.
00:22:14If you want to have kids, you might want to jump on it right now.
00:22:18All right, this is all very romantic, but let me be clear about this, okay?
00:22:22I love you.
00:22:24And if kids don't happen, I'm fine with that.
00:22:27I don't want you to be fine.
00:22:30I want you to be happy.
00:22:32All right, I'm just trying to find a nice way to shut you up, so...
00:22:35Yeah, poor dude.
00:22:42Hey, look who's back.
00:22:49Oh my gosh, she's out of the clinic.
00:22:54Thanks, darling.
00:22:55Hi.
00:22:56Hi.
00:22:57Oh, hey.
00:22:58How are you?
00:22:58Oh, careful.
00:23:00The neck.
00:23:01Oh, sorry.
00:23:01Thank you all so much for the cards.
00:23:04Sometimes it takes a near tragedy to realize just how much you're loved.
00:23:09So why don't you talk to your friends and I'll go and pack the car.
00:23:12Oh, thanks, sweetheart.
00:23:13I have to admit that I was a little concerned about how you'd react when you saw me, but this?
00:23:23Throwing me a party?
00:23:28Well, we just all love you.
00:23:30And Amy, you look great, especially, you know, given the circumstances.
00:23:35You mean that I tried to hang myself?
00:23:38Well, it's okay.
00:23:39The doctor encouraged me to talk about it.
00:23:42Surely not over food.
00:23:44Well, Carlos and I talk about it all the time.
00:23:46You know, and this whole thing has just brought us closer together.
00:23:50We've actually talked about marriage.
00:23:56Hello.
00:23:57I don't think we've met.
00:23:58I'm Catherine Mayfair, your new neighbor.
00:24:00Oh, Edie, it's a pleasure to meet you.
00:24:03Welcome to my party.
00:24:05So I hear congratulations are in order.
00:24:13Edie just announced you're getting married.
00:24:15Best wishes.
00:24:16We're not engaged.
00:24:17That was just a kind of a what-if conversation.
00:24:20Really, because she thinks you're getting married.
00:24:23Everyone else thinks you're getting married.
00:24:24So, again, best wishes.
00:24:27Gabby, the woman tried to kill herself because I left her.
00:24:28She's not real good with disappointment.
00:24:30Neither am I.
00:24:31You told me you want to run away together, and then I don't hear from you for a month.
00:24:34That was only because I was going through stuff with Edie, but it doesn't mean that I wasn't thinking about you constantly.
00:24:38You were not.
00:24:40Yes, I was.
00:24:41Every second of every day.
00:24:43Yeah, well, I kind of thought about you, too.
00:24:51I need to be with you, Gabby.
00:24:52Yeah?
00:24:54Prove it.
00:24:55Can you get away tonight?
00:24:57Oh, my God.
00:24:58Are you serious?
00:24:59Damn right I am.
00:25:00I just have to be back by midnight to give Edie her pills.
00:25:09What?
00:25:09If we're going to have an affair, we've got to be discreet.
00:25:12Affair?
00:25:12I thought we were talking about running away together.
00:25:15I can't do that.
00:25:16Edie's too fragile right now.
00:25:19That old battle axe is going to outlive us all.
00:25:21Hey, don't talk about her like that.
00:25:23Oh, far be it for me to speak ill of the future Mrs. Carlos Solis.
00:25:27We are not getting married.
00:25:28Best wishes!
00:25:36No, absolutely not.
00:25:38That's my final answer.
00:25:41And I'll talk to you later.
00:25:43That was Danielle.
00:25:44Now she wants us to send a DVD player for her room.
00:25:47That hardly seems extravagant.
00:25:48You were seeing the point.
00:25:49It's a convent, not the Four Seasons.
00:25:51You have mustard on your chin.
00:25:53I mean, it's one thing to forgive bad behavior.
00:25:56It's another thing to reward it.
00:25:57There are consequences for her mistakes.
00:26:00Ah!
00:26:01Bree!
00:26:01Oh my God!
00:26:03Are you all right?
00:26:04Oh, no, no.
00:26:05I'm fine.
00:26:05I'm fine.
00:26:06You're bleeding.
00:26:07No, no, no.
00:26:08It's just a...
00:26:09Oh, it's a little barbecue sauce.
00:26:10There is Catherine's husband.
00:26:11He's a doctor.
00:26:12She's fine.
00:26:13Adam!
00:26:14Adam!
00:26:15Get over here right now!
00:26:17Bree has stabbed in the belly.
00:26:19Oh my God.
00:26:19Are you all right?
00:26:20Let me take a look.
00:26:20We were just teasing Ida.
00:26:24It's something we do.
00:26:26Look, it's a trick of a barbecue form.
00:26:29We got it at a magic shop.
00:26:31See?
00:26:32Oh!
00:26:32Retractable!
00:26:33Oh!
00:26:34Oh, my baby!
00:26:36Wow.
00:26:38It's quite a trick.
00:26:39Hey, let's go freak out Mrs. McCluskey.
00:26:42Huh?
00:26:44He's such a scamp.
00:26:45Psycho mom at five o'clock.
00:26:54You say the word, she gets a face full of pig bones.
00:26:58Oh, my hero.
00:26:59I can handle her.
00:27:03Annette.
00:27:04I just spoke with Helen and imagine my surprise when she told me that you'd not started on the
00:27:08decorations for the gala.
00:27:09I'm in charge of decorations?
00:27:11Yes.
00:27:11Which you would have known had you bothered to pick up the packet.
00:27:19I don't want to hear it.
00:27:22Okay.
00:27:23I'm sorry, sweetie.
00:27:32I'm just too tired right now.
00:27:34Here, honey.
00:27:35I'll get you.
00:27:37Oh!
00:27:38Oh, yes!
00:27:40Mommy has to conserve her energy for more important things.
00:27:46Mwah!
00:27:47We are not throwing in the towel over a minor mishap.
00:27:56How many more mishaps are we going to get away with?
00:27:58Yesterday was an old woman in the Macy's shoe department.
00:28:00Today, a magic fork in the belly.
00:28:02Pretty soon, this whole charade will completely unravel, and we will be humiliated.
00:28:05We're already in too deep.
00:28:07We could go on a trip.
00:28:08Tell people you miscarried while we were away.
00:28:10And then what would happen to the baby?
00:28:12Well, Danielle would keep it.
00:28:14Do you think Danielle could raise this child?
00:28:15Orson, you've seen her in action.
00:28:17She's shallow, and she's selfish.
00:28:19She would ruin this child's life.
00:28:21How can you say that?
00:28:22Because I'm her mother.
00:28:25And I know what I've created, and that's the real humiliation.
00:28:32Orson, this child deserves better.
00:28:38And I know what to do now.
00:28:39Please.
00:28:41Please let me try.
00:28:42So, really, what you'd want is a second chance.
00:28:50Would that be so horrible?
00:28:57Well, then, let the charade continue.
00:29:01So, you're bailing on me now?
00:29:13I know.
00:29:14The timing is terrible.
00:29:15Damn right.
00:29:16It's three weeks before the gala.
00:29:17I just didn't realize how tired I would be when I took this on.
00:29:19Oh, we're all tired, Lynette, but some of us still manage to honor our commitments.
00:29:23Okay, I'm going to be honest with you.
00:29:24I haven't been feeling that great lately.
00:29:26Don't want to me about your aches and pains.
00:29:28I've had the same migraine since 87, and my knee's so bad, I can't even use a treadmill anymore.
00:29:33Oh, yeah.
00:29:36That's rough.
00:29:37Mm.
00:29:39By the way...
00:29:42I have cancer.
00:29:47I'll give Helen a call.
00:30:06So, I am halfway through chemo, and my doctor is very confident that I'm going to beat this.
00:30:13So, you can all relax.
00:30:15I'm not going to die.
00:30:17Well, not unless we kill you.
00:30:25Huh?
00:30:25Damn it, Lynette.
00:30:26What did we say after Mary Alice?
00:30:28After Edie?
00:30:29Why didn't they tell us?
00:30:31We're your friends.
00:30:32Why would you shut us out?
00:30:34I just liked being able to throw on my wig and join you guys for a cup of coffee and a good gossip about the new neighbors.
00:30:42You know, for five minutes, I could pretend I wasn't a sick person.
00:30:45But once your friends know you're sick, you can't pretend anymore, because you can see it in their eyes.
00:30:52The fear, the pity, is that all you see in our eyes?
00:30:59No, no, of course not.
00:31:06No, no, of course not.
00:31:07You know what, let's make a pact.
00:31:11No more secrets.
00:31:13From now on, we tell each other every shocking detail of our lives.
00:31:19I'm in.
00:31:24Me too.
00:31:28Are you with us?
00:31:31Absolutely.
00:31:35No more secrets.
00:31:36You're right.
00:31:46I'm not happy.
00:31:47Let's talk.
00:31:51All I'm saying is, I just want to know that I come first with you.
00:31:56Sometimes I feel less like your wife than a possession.
00:31:58It's demeaning.
00:31:59It's, it's...
00:32:01Why are you smiling right now?
00:32:02Because this is fantastic.
00:32:04After weeks of shutting me out, you're finally telling me how you feel.
00:32:07We should do this all the time.
00:32:08Well, it's hard when you're so busy.
00:32:13Maybe we should go away.
00:32:15Just take a couple weeks or a month.
00:32:18Let's rediscover what it was that made us fall in love to begin with.
00:32:23That is a great idea.
00:32:24Let's do it.
00:32:24How's next week?
00:32:26Let's see.
00:32:27Well, I've got the meeting with the school board on Tuesday.
00:32:32And at the end of the month, I've got the conference in Washington.
00:32:36Oh, shoot.
00:32:37I've got the groundbreaking for the new Civic Center.
00:32:40Dad's birthday.
00:32:41Economic Development Forum.
00:32:45How about April?
00:32:46I can give you two whole weeks in April.
00:32:48I'll see you later, babe.
00:32:49Where are you going?
00:32:50Descabos for a few beers.
00:32:51Oh!
00:32:52Can I come?
00:32:53Uh, no.
00:32:54Why not?
00:32:55Edie, I know you've been through a lot lately, but I can't hold your hand 24 hours a day.
00:33:09If you want this relationship to work, you've got to give me some downtime.
00:33:11Okay, so I managed to get away from Edie.
00:33:24What do you want?
00:33:26To get you away from Edie.
00:33:41Oh, come on.
00:33:42You have to remember your boyfriend, Joey Miller.
00:33:44You used to chase him around the jungle gym.
00:33:46Really?
00:33:47You think I would have gone for this guy with the sexy finger up his nose?
00:33:51So you don't remember any of the kids we used to play with?
00:33:53No.
00:33:55To be honest, I don't remember anything about living here.
00:33:58Really?
00:34:02So, what is your earliest memory?
00:34:07I don't know if this is a memory, but...
00:34:11For years, I've had this creepy dream.
00:34:14I'm really little, and there's a guy in my room, and he tries to grab me.
00:34:21That is creepy.
00:34:23Have you ever talked to somebody about it?
00:34:28I mean, like a therapist?
00:34:31My old babysitter suggested that, but my mom got mad and said no.
00:34:37Really?
00:34:38Yeah.
00:34:39Yeah.
00:34:41Then she fired the babysitter.
00:34:49Susan?
00:34:50I'm in here.
00:34:52Your front door was open.
00:34:54No problem.
00:34:56Um, what's up?
00:34:58First, let me just say this is one of the more embarrassing moments of my career, and you have every right to hate me.
00:35:03Adam, I have no idea what you're talking about.
00:35:06Well, your test results came back, and your estrogen levels are fine.
00:35:10You're not about to start menopause.
00:35:11Really?
00:35:13That's fantastic.
00:35:15There's more.
00:35:16More?
00:35:18You're pregnant.
00:35:22What?
00:35:23What did he just say?
00:35:25I'm pregnant?
00:35:30He said I'm pregnant.
00:35:43I have never been happier.
00:35:45From now, I believe you.
00:35:55There you are.
00:35:57I'm sorry.
00:35:59I got in late last night.
00:36:00I didn't want to wake you.
00:36:01You don't have to explain.
00:36:03I trust you.
00:36:05Well, good.
00:36:06You should.
00:36:08I just wish you trusted me a bit more.
00:36:10What are you talking about?
00:36:12Why didn't you ever tell me about your offshore bank account?
00:36:17What?
00:36:19Well, you know.
00:36:21The one in the Cayman Islands, with ten million dollars in it.
00:36:24I miss you when you're gone.
00:36:31Going through your things makes me feel like you're with me.
00:36:35Okay.
00:36:36I know how this looks.
00:36:38What did you think I was going to do?
00:36:39Tell people?
00:36:41Turn you in?
00:36:42Try to get my little hands on it?
00:36:45I don't care about money, Carlos.
00:36:48All I care about is you.
00:36:49That's why this relationship is going to work.
00:36:56You can trust me with your secrets.
00:36:59Just like I can trust you not to hurt me.
00:37:16There is a certain time of mourning.
00:37:18It occurs after kids have left for school.
00:37:21And husbands have headed off for work.
00:37:25It's a time when women think of the secrets they've been keeping from their friends.
00:37:30And how shocked they would be if the truth was discovered.
00:37:35And how they'll do everything in their power to keep that from happening.
00:37:40But what of those lucky women who have no secrets left to keep?
00:37:46What do they think about every morning?
00:37:48Hey!
00:37:52Is something wrong?
00:37:53It's just...
00:37:57Dylan and I used to be best friends.
00:38:00I mean, we did everything together.
00:38:03I know. She was like a sister to you.
00:38:06Well...
00:38:07That girl that I've been hanging out with.
00:38:10And I know this is going to sound crazy, but...
00:38:14That's not the same girl.
00:38:16That's not the same girl.
00:38:25These women spend their mornings thinking of their neighbors.
00:38:29And the secrets they may be keeping.
00:38:31There you are. I've been calling you.
00:38:50Is this the room?
00:38:51Yes.
00:38:53Dylan's been asking me if she can move in here.
00:38:56So let her.
00:38:57You may remember what happened here, but she can't.
00:39:01Doesn't matter.
00:39:03I wouldn't allow it.
00:39:05Hey, are you okay?
00:39:07Did we make a mistake coming back here?
00:39:10Did we have a choice?
00:39:11Did we have a choice?
00:39:12Oh my god, Katherine.
00:39:13Oh my god!
00:39:14Turned out to be an old friend of Susan's.
00:39:17Previously on Desperate Housewives, the new neighbor, turned out to be an old friend
00:39:38of Susan's, who had a problem making new friends.
00:39:44Oh, it absolutely kills me to have to ask you to cut it down.
00:39:48Her daughter couldn't recall the past.
00:39:50I'm Julie's mom.
00:39:51Who's Julie again?
00:39:52Your best friend when you were little?
00:39:53But her husband had news for Susan.
00:39:55You're pregnant.
00:39:56Lynette revealed her condition.
00:39:58I have cancer.
00:40:00Gabby and Carlos began a secret affair.
00:40:02Can you get away tonight?
00:40:03Are you serious?
00:40:04And Edie uncovered a secret of another sort.
00:40:07Why didn't you ever tell me about your offshore bank account?
00:40:10For one of $10 million, you know.
00:40:14The great crime wave hit Wisteria Lane on a Tuesday afternoon.
00:40:19That's when residents found their barbecues upended.
00:40:24Their clean laundry trampled.
00:40:28And their skateboards missing.
00:40:31Naturally, everyone began to ask who could be responsible for such carnage.
00:40:37The answer?
00:40:38Lay in the home of a neighbor who 20 minutes earlier had been engaging in an altogether different
00:40:45type of crime.
00:40:46Oh, I gotta get back.
00:40:48I told Edie I was just going for a jog.
00:40:50Do I look sweaty enough for a five-mile run?
00:40:52Yeah.
00:40:53Yeah.
00:40:54Unfortunately, it's my sweat.
00:40:55Hmm.
00:40:56Hmm.
00:40:57Hmm.
00:40:58When are you going to dump her?
00:40:59It's complicated, okay?
00:41:00Besides, I don't see you in any big hurry to dump Victor.
00:41:05Generally speaking, women don't leave their husbands for guys who have girlfriends.
00:41:10Just boot the bitch.
00:41:11What are you afraid of?
00:41:12I am not afraid of...
00:41:13Oh, my God.
00:41:14What the hell's the matter with you?
00:41:15Edie!
00:41:16Can I have you in there?
00:41:19One second!
00:41:20Edie!
00:41:21What brings you here?
00:41:22I'm looking for Carlos.
00:41:23He went for a run, but it was hours ago.
00:41:24Sorry.
00:41:25Haven't seen him.
00:41:26Really?
00:41:27Because Ida Greenbrook said that she thought she'd be the best.
00:41:29I'm looking for Carlos.
00:41:30I'm looking for Carlos.
00:41:31He went for a run, but it was hours ago.
00:41:32I'm looking for Carlos.
00:41:33I'm looking for Carlos.
00:41:34He went for a run, but it was hours ago.
00:41:37I'm sorry.
00:41:38Haven't seen him.
00:41:39Really?
00:41:40Because Ida Greenbrook said that she thought she saw him on your porch.
00:41:43Uh, but that's impossible because he's there.
00:41:45There he is.
00:41:46What?
00:41:47Carlos!
00:41:48He's at your house.
00:41:50Oh, he just let himself in.
00:41:52There you go.
00:41:53He's home.
00:41:54Okay.
00:41:55Well, thanks.
00:42:00I told her I was at home.
00:42:01So?
00:42:02So I'm not at home.
00:42:03I'm here.
00:42:04What the hell am I supposed to do?
00:42:08Edie!
00:42:09Edie!
00:42:10Edie, wait!
00:42:11Wait, wait, wait!
00:42:12Don't go!
00:42:13Don't go!
00:42:14Why?
00:42:15Uh, you, uh, have a birthday coming up and, uh, I don't know what to get you.
00:42:28Or maybe a coffee pot, or scented hangers, or a nice clock radio.
00:42:35Gabby, I don't have time for this.
00:42:36Why don't you just surprise me?
00:42:38Uh, wait!
00:42:39But don't go!
00:42:40I, I need a little more guidance!
00:42:42I'm so excited!
00:42:43I'm so excited!
00:42:44I'm so excited!
00:42:45I'm so excited!
00:42:46I'm so excited!
00:42:47I'm so excited!
00:42:48I'm so excited!
00:42:49Damn it, boys, you should not be screwing around in the street.
00:43:09Somebody's gonna get hurt.
00:43:19Carlos!
00:43:33Can you believe this?
00:43:37Someone broke into our house.
00:43:40Oh, my God!
00:43:43And so ended the great crime wave on Wisteria Lane.
00:43:47No one ever found out who was responsible.
00:43:52Oh, you're all sweaty.
00:43:54Clean up.
00:43:56Because it was an inside job.
00:44:11You will never see despair here.
00:44:14Or rage.
00:44:17You will never see the tiniest bit of regret.
00:44:25You see, the people who live here have learned there is one sure way of hiding their secrets from their neighbors.
00:44:32That's why, in the suburbs, there is nothing more deceptive than a smile.
00:44:39So what did Julie say exactly?
00:44:44She said Dylan's not the same girl.
00:44:46Not the same girl like she's changed or not the same girl like she's been replaced by a robot?
00:44:51I know it sounds weird, but Julie says Dylan does not remember anything about living here.
00:44:55Well, maybe she blocked it out.
00:44:57Did something bad happen to her when she was young?
00:44:59I'm not sure.
00:45:00But there was something odd about the way they left.
00:45:03So, maybe it isn't the early morning gossip brigade in addition today.
00:45:10Oh, Susan.
00:45:12She's standing right there.
00:45:13Oh my God.
00:45:14I've been there this whole time.
00:45:15Anyway, I wanted to talk to you girls about Lynette.
00:45:16What about her?
00:45:17Well, since she's been so tired from chemo, I thought it would be nice if we did something for her, like bring her lunch.
00:45:30That sounds great.
00:45:32Yeah, let's do it.
00:45:33Gabby, why don't you bring your vegetable lasagna? Susan, you do beverages.
00:45:37And Catherine, why don't you bring a simple green salad?
00:45:40I'd rather bring dessert.
00:45:41Oh, no need, dear. I always bring dessert.
00:45:44Oh, I'm thinking my lemon meringue pie.
00:45:47Oh, yum.
00:45:48Yeah, here's the thing.
00:45:49The movers lost my salad bowl.
00:45:51My pie plates, on the other hand...
00:45:53Will not be needed.
00:45:55As I said, I always bring dessert.
00:46:03I know.
00:46:04I will lend you my salad bowl.
00:46:06You really don't want to miss Bree's pie.
00:46:08It's perfect.
00:46:11You might argue with perfection.
00:46:13I'm sorry.
00:46:14It's just something that's been driving me crazy.
00:46:21Now you're perfect.
00:46:31Does it hurt?
00:46:32It's a little uncomfortable, but I'm fine.
00:46:35Take a card.
00:46:36Take a card.
00:46:41Hey, I told you I'm collecting queens.
00:46:43Pay attention.
00:46:45Remember we played this when you were in labor with Parker?
00:46:4842 hours without meds.
00:46:51I'll never forget what a trooper you were.
00:46:53Well, let's not compose my eulogy just yet.
00:46:55I'm still trooping.
00:46:58Take a card.
00:47:00Right.
00:47:02It's funny.
00:47:03We played cards on our honeymoon the day that it rained.
00:47:06Do you remember that?
00:47:07We lit a fire.
00:47:08You're doing it again.
00:47:12Sorry.
00:47:14Hey, I told you I'm collecting queens.
00:47:16Shoot.
00:47:17That's right.
00:47:19Oh, my God.
00:47:20Are you letting me win?
00:47:22I just want to make you feel good.
00:47:23By taking all the fun out of the kill?
00:47:26Honey, I'm sorry.
00:47:28It's just...
00:47:30I love you so much.
00:47:33Out.
00:47:35What?
00:47:36You are supposed to be distracting me, not depressing the hell out of me.
00:47:40You're kicking me out of chemo.
00:47:41I'll see you at home.
00:47:46Honey, I'm your ride.
00:47:47Just go.
00:47:48I'll cab it.
00:47:51There's that trooper that I admire so much.
00:47:53Out!
00:48:06Carlos!
00:48:08Hi!
00:48:09Hey, there's my birthday girl.
00:48:10Oh!
00:48:12It's a nice car.
00:48:14Got company?
00:48:15No.
00:48:17Then whose is it?
00:48:19It's your birthday present to me.
00:48:22Surprise!
00:48:24A car.
00:48:26I was going to get you earrings.
00:48:28So?
00:48:29Get them.
00:48:30And I will drive around with the top down so everyone can see them.
00:48:35Katie, I can't afford this.
00:48:36Of course you can.
00:48:38Just move some of your offshore money onshore.
00:48:41I told you that account was a secret.
00:48:43Which it's not going to be for long if I start buying $80,000 cars.
00:48:49Now I'm sensing that this little nest egg of yours is a teensy bit illegal.
00:48:54Where did it come from?
00:48:56You don't need to know that.
00:48:57And the IRS doesn't either.
00:48:59You want me to go to jail?
00:49:01Oh, my goodness, Carlos.
00:49:02I had no idea that your situation was so precarious.
00:49:08Well, I guess I'll just have to take this back to the dealership.
00:49:14Thank you for understanding, babe.
00:49:19Look, if you don't want the earrings, just pick something else out instead.
00:49:23Just not too extravagant.
00:49:25Don't worry, I haven't thought.
00:49:27I think it's right in your price range.
00:49:30Oh, hi.
00:49:31Hi.
00:49:32Hey.
00:49:33Catherine, what's going on?
00:49:34Why is there a moving van in your driveway?
00:49:35Oh, I meant to call you.
00:49:36It's just been some nuts.
00:49:40Oh, hi. Hi. Hey, Catherine, what's going on? Why is there a moving van in your driveway?
00:50:00Oh, I meant to call you. It's just been some nuts. I got a new job in Chicago.
00:50:04What? You're just leaving like that? I know. It's crazy, huh? I really wish I had time to talk, but I've got to finish packing.
00:50:11Oh, well, no, hang on. Let me just run and get Julie so she can take a ride to Dylan.
00:50:15Oh, we're really in a rush. I don't think we're going to have time.
00:50:19That's okay, guys. Keep packing. I'll clean it up.
00:50:23Catherine, are you okay? You seem a little jumpy.
00:50:28I just had a long night, and I have a lot to do.
00:50:33I'm really going to miss you.
00:50:34Catherine, hi.
00:50:43Oh, I brought you that salad bowl.
00:50:45Oh, thank you. You're so thoughtful.
00:50:46No problem. Hey, you know, I was meaning to ask you, how did that job in Chicago work out?
00:50:52Job?
00:50:53You know, the one that you left so suddenly for.
00:50:55Oh, right. Yes, of course. Good. It worked out well. Very challenging.
00:51:02I've got something in this tub. I better go.
00:51:03I better go.
00:51:04Oh, my God.
00:51:14Susan.
00:51:15What? I'm eating for two.
00:51:18Well, do both of you want to be fat?
00:51:20Okay, when I'm in labor, and I am pushing and screaming to bring your child into the world, do you really want me to remember that you denied me syrup?
00:51:27Carry on.
00:51:30Mom, I need to talk to you about tonight.
00:51:33Oh, my God.
00:51:35Is it about Matt's party?
00:51:38Yeah, it turns out it doesn't start until 10, so can I stay out till 1?
00:51:43Well, um, well, the Johnsons live right down the road.
00:51:46Yeah, I guess that's fine.
00:51:47Thanks.
00:51:48Whoa, whoa. Is this the Johnsons over on Crestview?
00:51:51Yeah.
00:51:51Yeah, I don't think you should go to that.
00:51:54Why not?
00:51:55I've done a couple of jobs at that house, and they have some really wild parties.
00:51:58I don't even want to tell you what I've snaked out of that toilet.
00:52:00Those were his brother's parties. Matt's not like that.
00:52:03All 17-year-old guys are like that.
00:52:05The only reason my buddies and I even had parties was to get girls wasted.
00:52:08Well, I don't drink.
00:52:09Neither did Missy Taylor.
00:52:11And fast forward to her tying her bra on my car antenna.
00:52:13I really appreciate your concern, but my mom already told me I could go.
00:52:19Well, it's true.
00:52:21Just giving my opinion.
00:52:22It's up to your mom.
00:52:29Uh, well, I mean, you both make a good case.
00:52:35Um, but I think I'm going to have to agree with, uh,
00:52:40and you know I love you both.
00:52:42Decide.
00:52:42Mike, I'm going with Mike.
00:52:44What?
00:52:44Well, it sounds like this party could be on the wild side,
00:52:47and it is starting very late.
00:52:48This is so unfair.
00:52:50I'm sorry, honey. You wanted a decision?
00:52:52This is my decision.
00:53:01More syrup?
00:53:03Missy Taylor?
00:53:06Carry on.
00:53:06Look at your little Dylan, all grown up.
00:53:15Karen McCluskey.
00:53:16I babysat you way back when.
00:53:19You were a biter.
00:53:20Well, I hope I didn't hurt you.
00:53:22No, you were a cutie.
00:53:23But loud.
00:53:24Remember the racket you used to make on your tricycle?
00:53:26I gave your dad hell for putting that horn on it.
00:53:28My dad?
00:53:31Mm-mm.
00:53:33How could you know my dad?
00:53:34He left when I was a baby.
00:53:36Nah, he used to come around once in a while.
00:53:38Anyway, nice to have you back.
00:53:39Please let me help.
00:53:45I feel so guilty just sitting here.
00:53:47Do not move.
00:53:48We want to pamper you, so please let us.
00:53:52Okay, so how's the chemotherapy going?
00:53:53Oh, no, no.
00:53:54She doesn't want to talk about that.
00:53:55I don't mind.
00:53:56Oh, come on.
00:53:56Let's dig into the pie.
00:53:58Looks amazing.
00:54:03Wow.
00:54:04Oh, my God.
00:54:05Bree, that is like the best pie you've ever made.
00:54:07Well, thank you.
00:54:08I don't think I did anything differently.
00:54:16This is not my pie.
00:54:25Okay, you caught me.
00:54:26It's mine.
00:54:28What happened to the pie that I brought?
00:54:30Oh, I was a little sneaky, and I put it in the fridge.
00:54:32I just wanted you to try mine.
00:54:34Well, did we or did we not agree that I would bring the dessert?
00:54:38I know, but everyone says you're such an amazing baker, and I was hoping you would give me some tips to improve my recipe.
00:54:44Well, clearly no tips are needed.
00:54:47Well, then, perhaps you shouldn't have said anything.
00:54:54I would have been happy for everyone to think it was yours.
00:54:58So, back to chemo.
00:55:05Yeah, so far, not that bad.
00:55:10Though I did have to kick Tom out yesterday.
00:55:13Why?
00:55:14He was getting so emotional, it felt like the last 20 minutes of Brian's song.
00:55:18So, I guess I'm in the market for a new chemo, buddy.
00:55:26Well, I would be more than happy to go with you.
00:55:31Count me in.
00:55:33I'll sit with you.
00:55:34I volunteered at the hospital, so I'll be there anyway.
00:55:36Oh, my God, you guys.
00:55:40I'm so touched you're all willing to do this.
00:55:43What are friends for?
00:55:48Gabby?
00:55:50Oh, no cream for me, thanks.
00:55:51She upstaged your lemon meringue pie?
00:56:00You've got to be kidding.
00:56:02I'm not.
00:56:02That despicable woman was just supposed to bring a simple green salad.
00:56:06She not only brought a pie, she hid mine and served hers.
00:56:10That's beyond despicable.
00:56:12That's culinary terrorism.
00:56:13Oh, it gets worse.
00:56:14Her pie was better than mine.
00:56:17Impossible.
00:56:18It's true.
00:56:19Everyone thought something.
00:56:21Even me.
00:56:23Oh, and that simple green salad.
00:56:25Mosh and baby arugula with duck confit and candied walnuts.
00:56:28My God, she plays to win.
00:56:29I have been here for hours trying to replicate her recipe,
00:56:33and nothing has even come close.
00:56:35Don't be so hard on yourself.
00:56:37This one's fantastic.
00:56:39That's hers.
00:56:41Sorry.
00:56:43What am I going to do?
00:56:46You might have to bite the bullet and ask her for her recipe.
00:56:49What?
00:56:49Surrender?
00:56:50To base myself?
00:56:52Free.
00:56:52It's your signature pie.
00:56:54You make it for parties, church suppers, bake sales.
00:56:56If she's always right there behind you with her superior version,
00:57:00staking out her claim as Fairview's number one homemaker,
00:57:03she will have stolen my entire identity.
00:57:06Well, I wouldn't go that far.
00:57:07No, it's true.
00:57:08The only thing about me that's special is what I can do in the kitchen.
00:57:17You're right.
00:57:18I have got to get that recipe.
00:57:22By any means necessary.
00:57:24Hey, Gabby.
00:57:28Hey, what's up?
00:57:30Well, I felt a little weird about something that happened at lunch,
00:57:35and I thought we should talk about it.
00:57:36I know.
00:57:37Do you believe that pie business?
00:57:38I thought Bree's head was going to explode.
00:57:40No, not that.
00:57:44Okay, I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to say it.
00:57:47When everyone was offering to come with me to chemo,
00:57:50even Catherine, who I don't even know,
00:57:53you sort of clammed up.
00:57:55What was that about?
00:57:56Well, it just seemed like people had it pretty well covered.
00:58:01Yeah, but between us, you're the one I really want there.
00:58:05Out of everyone, you're the most fun, and I need that now.
00:58:08Sweet.
00:58:10But to be honest, I don't like hospitals.
00:58:13Nobody likes hospitals.
00:58:14Unfortunately, that's the place you have to go when you're sick,
00:58:17or your friends are.
00:58:20You are my friend, right?
00:58:23What, is this a test of our friendship?
00:58:25Yeah, kind of.
00:58:29Can I pencil you in?
00:58:34I can't wait.
00:58:41Psst, come here.
00:58:48Okay, I'll come there.
00:58:52He's still mad at me about the party.
00:58:54Oh, you picked up on that, did you?
00:58:55Okay, look, I've been thinking about things,
00:58:58and just forget what I said earlier.
00:59:01You mean I can go?
00:59:02Shh, jeez.
00:59:02Oh, Mike's in the other room.
00:59:04You're not going to tell him?
00:59:05No, and neither are you.
00:59:07Why are you walking on eggshells?
00:59:08You are my mother.
00:59:09You have every right to override him.
00:59:11I know.
00:59:12I just, I think it's sweet that he worries about you,
00:59:14and I want him to feel like he is part of the decision-making process.
00:59:18Well, clearly he's not if you're going behind his back.
00:59:20Do you want to go or not?
00:59:21Yes, yes.
00:59:22I really want to go to the party.
00:59:23Party?
00:59:24Are you guys still talking about that?
00:59:27Can you believe it?
00:59:29Oh, let it go.
00:59:31You know, Mike and I decided no party, and that's final.
00:59:33Free.
00:59:49I hope this isn't a bad time.
00:59:50I just wanted to bring you a housewarming gift.
00:59:53It's the recipe for my special mincemeat pie.
00:59:56It wouldn't be Thanksgiving at my house without it.
00:59:58Well, aren't you thoughtful?
01:00:02Let me just file this in my recipe box.
01:00:05Well, as long as we're swapping pie recipes,
01:00:07I would love the one for your fabulous lemon meringue.
01:00:10Really?
01:00:11I'm so flattered you'd ask.
01:00:14But I don't share that.
01:00:18Excuse me.
01:00:19You have to understand, I experimented for years
01:00:24before I came up with my secret ingredient.
01:00:26Which is what?
01:00:28Vanilla?
01:00:28Nutmeg?
01:00:29Cardamom?
01:00:30If I told you, it wouldn't be a secret anymore.
01:00:32It would just be an ingredient.
01:00:37Well, that hardly seems neighborly.
01:00:40After all, I just gave you the recipe for my mincemeat pie.
01:00:42Yes, and it's a very good one.
01:00:44I have the book it came from.
01:00:45That recipe's not from a book.
01:00:48That recipe was handed down to me from my mother.
01:00:50Well, unless your mother was Betty Crocker,
01:00:52she got it from a book.
01:00:56Oh, dear.
01:00:57Now I've upset you.
01:00:58No.
01:00:59No, I am not upset.
01:01:01I'm just confused as to why you seem so determined
01:01:03to get off on the wrong foot.
01:01:05First, you bring a pie to Lynette's
01:01:06when I clearly assigned you the salad.
01:01:08Now, see, that's where I'm confused.
01:01:10Just what, please, gives you the right
01:01:12to decide who brings what to a luncheon that I suggested.
01:01:16Well, it's tradition.
01:01:17I always organize our little get-togethers,
01:01:19and I always bring dessert.
01:01:21Well, then, how lovely that I'm back.
01:01:24I can shoulder that burden for you.
01:01:27Just give me the recipe.
01:01:30Sorry, I can't.
01:01:33I do hope this doesn't keep us from being friends,
01:01:35because I like you, Brie.
01:01:41And I'm sure if you put your mind to it,
01:01:44you can come up with an even better
01:01:45lemon meringue pie than mine.
01:01:47The trick is finding that perfect blend
01:01:49of sweet and sour.
01:01:51Well, you've certainly mastered that, dear.
01:02:01So when do I get to see my big surprise?
01:02:03Wait for it.
01:02:05Wait for it.
01:02:07Ta-da.
01:02:09Whoa.
01:02:10All that syrup went straight to your boobs.
01:02:14So it's not my imagination.
01:02:15They're bigger, right?
01:02:17Uh, yeah.
01:02:20Especially the right one.
01:02:21Mike?
01:02:22Just kidding.
01:02:23Pick those up and bring them over here.
01:02:24Well, I better warn you.
01:02:25I may have to work the shoulders.
01:02:26Let them go.
01:02:28Boom.
01:02:29Hey, you know that thing with Julie
01:02:36and the party this morning?
01:02:37Mm-hmm.
01:02:38Thanks for backing me up.
01:02:40It meant a lot.
01:02:40I know it wasn't easy for you.
01:02:42Uh, yeah, well, you know,
01:02:44sometimes you gotta hang tough.
01:02:45Mm-hmm.
01:02:46Well, you did the right thing.
01:02:48I drove by that house tonight.
01:02:49Mm-hmm.
01:02:49That party was out of control.
01:02:52What?
01:02:53Yeah, there were kids staggering around drunk.
01:02:55Puking in the gutter.
01:02:57I even saw some girls running around topless.
01:03:00I'm sure the cops will be there any minute.
01:03:02Well, we need whipped cream.
01:03:07What?
01:03:08Well, I don't think that you can have
01:03:10a sexy date night without whipped cream.
01:03:13Can't and won't.
01:03:15Well, I can go get some.
01:03:17No, no.
01:03:18You've worked all day.
01:03:19You stay here.
01:03:20I'll go to the store.
01:03:21Okay.
01:03:25Could you get more syrup?
01:03:29Make a wish.
01:03:34So I'm dying to see what I got you.
01:03:37How thoughtful was I?
01:03:38Very.
01:03:42Open it.
01:03:48Yes.
01:03:48Not yet.
01:03:49I haven't asked the question.
01:03:55Will you marry me, Carlos Solis?
01:04:01And you say?
01:04:04You're proposing?
01:04:06You said you didn't want to spend too much.
01:04:08So what's more affordable than a promise?
01:04:11Look, Edie, I...
01:04:12I'm doing this for you.
01:04:14If the IRS gets wind of your rainy day fund,
01:04:17they could make me testify against you.
01:04:20But if I were your wife...
01:04:21How are they going to find out?
01:04:26Oh, honey, people talk.
01:04:29Angry people.
01:04:30Disappointed people.
01:04:33Come on.
01:04:34Say your line.
01:04:35It's my birthday.
01:04:43Fine.
01:04:45We're engaged.
01:04:46No!
01:04:47Carlos!
01:04:50I think I'm going to cry.
01:04:51Yeah.
01:04:54Yeah, me too.
01:04:58I mean, how weird is that?
01:04:59My mom always told me that my dad took off
01:05:01right after I was born.
01:05:03So did she explain what McCluskey said?
01:05:05I didn't tell her.
01:05:06She kind of freaks out any time I bring him up.
01:05:08Dylan, you have a right to know about your dad.
01:05:09You've got to confront her.
01:05:10Yeah, right.
01:05:11I could never do that.
01:05:13He isn't cool like your mom.
01:05:18Hi.
01:05:19It's my birthday.
01:05:20Oh, that must mean you're Matt.
01:05:21I'm Susan Meyer, and I'm...
01:05:23All righty.
01:05:25Boomer, you're my next to this bastard.
01:05:27You actually did it.
01:05:29It wasn't me, but happy birthday, man.
01:05:31It was somebody who cares.
01:05:33Gather help, man.
01:05:35Does he like his music?
01:05:36Yeah, it's fine.
01:05:38Would somebody just tell me where I can...
01:05:40Hey, enough talking.
01:05:41Take it off.
01:05:42We're feeling generous tonight.
01:05:44Oh, my God.
01:05:45I'm not a stripper.
01:05:47You're not?
01:05:48Is this going to happen or what?
01:05:49Boomer, she's not a stripper.
01:05:51What's with the implants?
01:05:52I'm pregnant.
01:05:54I'm pregnant.
01:05:58That's hot.
01:06:03Sorry.
01:06:04I should have known you were Julie's mom.
01:06:06Your whites are gorgeous to be a stripper.
01:06:09If that's your lame attempt to keep me from calling your parents...
01:06:12It worked.
01:06:13Well played.
01:06:17Excuse me.
01:06:19Oh, ah!
01:06:21Oh, stop.
01:06:25Mom, what are you doing?
01:06:27I'm taking you home.
01:06:28This party is out of control.
01:06:30No, it's not.
01:06:31Well, of course you don't think it is,
01:06:33because you're knocking back a big cup of...
01:06:36Orange soda.
01:06:40I don't believe this.
01:06:41I'll believe it.
01:06:42We're going.
01:06:42You too, Dylan.
01:06:43Come on.
01:06:47And what are you wearing?
01:06:48It's embarrassing.
01:06:50Yeah, well, Boomer likes it.
01:06:58Call me tomorrow.
01:06:59We'll go to a movie my mom can drag us out of.
01:07:05Look, I get that you're upset.
01:07:07No, I'm confused.
01:07:08First, I can go to the party.
01:07:10Then I can't because Mike says no.
01:07:11Then I can, but don't tell Mike and be honest.
01:07:11Don't tell Mike and behave yourself.
01:07:12So I behave myself, and you punish me.
01:07:16Okay, I admit that there's a certain lack of consistency there.
01:07:19It's like, ever since you got married, I can't win.
01:07:22Do you think this is easy for me, trying to keep peace between a new husband and a teenage daughter?
01:07:30You're always putting me in the middle.
01:07:32I don't do that.
01:07:33Please.
01:07:34Every time you and Mike disagree on something, you give me the look.
01:07:37That pitiful face that says, if I don't back you up, I love the other one more.
01:07:41I don't expect you to side with me every time.
01:07:43Just make a decision and stick to it.
01:07:45And no more lying.
01:07:49Well, you're right.
01:07:50I'm an adult, and I need to be honest about these things.
01:07:53And I will be.
01:07:55Starting tomorrow.
01:07:56Hey, look who I picked up coming out of the movies.
01:08:04A PG movie.
01:08:06Is this the perfect teenager or what?
01:08:08The movies, huh?
01:08:10It's funny.
01:08:11I wanted Julie's friend just called to make sure she got home from the party.
01:08:14She was worried when she saw you leaving with a stripper.
01:08:17The chick is up, Mom.
01:08:21No, no.
01:08:21We can salvage this.
01:08:22Just work with me.
01:08:25I did go to the party.
01:08:27Mom went behind your back and told me I could.
01:08:29But I didn't drink or do anything I shouldn't have.
01:08:31Glad to hear it.
01:08:32And thanks for your honesty.
01:08:37You know, this perfect teenager thing is really starting to chap my ass.
01:08:42I'm going to bed.
01:08:47Please tell me this isn't going to be one of those things where you leave me and I go screaming down the street.
01:08:52Why'd you go behind my back?
01:08:53I'm sorry.
01:08:56You got to understand, for so long, it's just been Julie and me.
01:09:00And I've made all the decisions alone.
01:09:02You felt so strongly.
01:09:04It was just an opinion, really.
01:09:05She's your daughter.
01:09:07I completely respect your right to raise her however you want.
01:09:10Thanks.
01:09:11Now, that being said, this baby is ours.
01:09:14So we'll get to make all those parenting decisions together.
01:09:17Right?
01:09:19Right.
01:09:20So can we go back to date night?
01:09:26Only if you work the shoulders.
01:09:40Abby, where have you been?
01:09:41You went to the bathroom like half an hour ago.
01:09:43Oh, sorry.
01:09:44I stopped off to get you some magazines.
01:09:47Top ten new hairstyles.
01:09:49Yeah, well, I'm kind of bald right now, but thanks.
01:09:53Why don't I go check if there's some other ones?
01:09:55Oh, no.
01:09:55I don't need magazines.
01:09:56I need company.
01:09:57Sit down.
01:09:58You've been bouncing around since you got here.
01:10:03So, how do you like being the first lady of Fairview?
01:10:07It's good.
01:10:10Are you cold?
01:10:11It's cold in here.
01:10:12I'm fine.
01:10:13So, tell me something.
01:10:14When you go to a ribbon cutting, do you get to keep those gigantic novelty scissors?
01:10:18You must be freezing.
01:10:20You know, I have the cutest shawl in the car, so I'm just going to run out and get it for
01:10:23you.
01:10:25Boy, you really don't want to be here, do you?
01:10:29What are you talking about?
01:10:30I'm trying to help.
01:10:31Yeah, in any way that gets you out of this room.
01:10:38Sorry, it's just hospitals are hard for me.
01:10:40Yeah, you told me, but, geez, Gabby, don't you care enough to make an effort?
01:10:45You think I don't care?
01:10:48I get it.
01:10:49You're uncomfortable.
01:10:50Just go.
01:10:52I'm fine.
01:10:56I'm fine.
01:11:06Did I ever tell you about my father?
01:11:10He had cancer, too.
01:11:11He started in the liver, went into his bones, and ten months later, he was dead.
01:11:19Thanks for that encouraging story.
01:11:21I'm not finished.
01:11:25Those last weeks, every day, we thought we were going to lose him.
01:11:30And every day before I would go into his room, my mom would say, no tears.
01:11:36Daddy wants to see you smiling.
01:11:38If you're going to cry, you can't go in.
01:11:39So, last night, I sat there and I watched him die.
01:11:50His eyes were closed, but I thought he could still see me.
01:11:55So I kept smiling.
01:12:00All night.
01:12:05When I was five.
01:12:06Oh, my God.
01:12:10And on the plus side, I made a pretty good career out of knowing how to smile, and I didn't really feel like it.
01:12:22But I can't pretend with you.
01:12:28Now, when I'm scared, I'm going to lose you.
01:12:30You're not going to lose me.
01:12:36You promise?
01:12:37If I did, then...
01:12:42God, you're such a mess.
01:12:46It's okay.
01:12:47Come here, let it go.
01:12:48I have to kiss.
01:12:50Bye.
01:12:55You're so enormous.
01:13:02Bye.
01:13:04Oh, my God.
01:13:09Oh, my God.
01:13:12Bye.
01:13:12Bye.
01:13:12Bye.
01:13:13Bye.
01:13:14Bye.
01:13:14Bye.
01:13:15Bye.
01:13:16Bye.
01:13:16Bye.
01:13:17Bye.
01:13:17I'm going to get Adam. Be right back.
01:13:32Mom? Can I talk to you about something?
01:13:36Sure. I don't mind talking in the car.
01:13:43Brie Hodge persisted in her effort to unlock the secret of Catherine Mayfair's lemon meringue.
01:13:50But after several failed attempts,
01:13:54it occurred to Brie that while she might not have the key to Catherine's recipe,
01:14:00she did have the key to Catherine's house.
01:14:13Well, hey, what's up?
01:14:22I was doing a little baking, and I was wondering if I could borrow something.
01:14:27Sure. What do you need? Flour? Sugar?
01:14:31Mm-hmm.
01:14:34Well, hey, what's up?
01:14:38Well, hey, what's up?
01:14:39I was doing a little baking, and I was wondering if I could borrow something.
01:14:43Sure. What do you need? Flour? Sugar?
01:14:59I can't believe what Karen McCleskey tells you.
01:15:02She's a woman. Practically senile.
01:15:05She didn't sound senile to me.
01:15:06Helen, maybe this is not the time, okay?
01:15:09You said my father didn't care about me, but she says he came here. He wanted to see me.
01:15:14Why would you not tell me that?
01:15:18He's my father. I deserve to know.
01:15:20The only thing you need to know about that man is he was a monster.
01:15:23Decide that for myself. Where is he?
01:15:28I don't know.
01:15:30You're lying.
01:15:31No, she's not.
01:15:32Yes, she is. She has been lying to me my whole life.
01:15:35I'm starting to think maybe you're the monster.
01:15:47She can't talk to me that way.
01:15:49Not after everything I've done for her.
01:15:50Well, maybe that's the problem. She doesn't know what you've done for her.
01:15:53Nobody does.
01:15:54And it's going to stay that way.
01:15:55Are you sure?
01:15:57She's just going to keep asking questions.
01:15:58Then we better start coming up with better lies.
01:16:01Oh, there you are.
01:16:21I was wondering where you've gone to.
01:16:23I just let myself into Catherine's house to get that recipe.
01:16:27Well, that seems a bit extreme.
01:16:28Well, at least you know her secret now.
01:16:34Yes, and it has nothing to do with pie.
01:16:43Here's the thing.
01:16:46I got a real chance of getting back together with my ex, but this woman is standing in my way.
01:16:50And she knows about the money, and she's made it clear that if I leave, she's going to blow the whistle.
01:16:59You've got to understand, I really did care for Edie.
01:17:05But I can't let it ruin my life.
01:17:06That's where you come in.
01:17:24Guys, we're going to behave or the nurses are going to kick us out.
01:17:27Hey, it's our chemo party, and we'll laugh if we want to.
01:17:32Gabby, this was a wonderful idea.
01:17:34I cannot tell you how much it means to me.
01:17:35Don't get savvy on me.
01:17:38I won't stand for it.
01:17:39All right, Susan, is the camera ready?
01:17:41Yeah.
01:17:41Got it.
01:17:42Okay.
01:17:43Once the light starts blinking, we've got ten seconds.
01:17:45So everybody say cheese and hold it.
01:17:48One, two, three.
01:17:50Cheese!
01:17:51There is nothing more deceptive than a smile.
01:17:55And no one knows this better than the people who hide behind them.
01:17:59Some flash their teeth as a polite warning to their enemies.
01:18:06Some put on beaming faces to keep their tears from falling.
01:18:11Others wear silly grins to mask their fear.
01:18:13But then, there is that rare smile that is actually genuine.
01:18:24I'll take care of it.
01:18:25It's the smile of a person who knows his troubles will soon be over.
01:18:31There is nothing more.
01:18:37There is nothing more.
01:18:37Maybe I'll take care of it.
01:18:39Maybe that's whatever means I'm wrong.
01:18:40There is nothing more.
01:18:42Nobody's here.
01:18:43There is nothing more.
01:18:44There is nothing more.
01:18:45I'll get out of the way.
01:18:47I'm a pretty hard one.
1:18:34
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