- 3 days ago
Category
🎈
FunTranscript
00:20I've always wanted to run my own business, and now the dream is real.
00:23Me and Randy are having the grand opening of the Dirty Burger today.
00:27Randy's a hustler, baby!
00:29Woo!
00:29Look at these dirty things here, cooking up nice.
00:32Whoa, baby!
00:33Ha, ha, ha!
00:34I'm really happy for Randy with this business venture.
00:37I think him and Phil doing something that they obviously are really passionate about is
00:41just fantastic.
00:42Philly!
00:43Need some help here, bud.
00:45What was that, old buddy?
00:46I need you to take over.
00:48I've got to start practicing for the big jump.
00:50Oh, don't worry, Randy.
00:50You'll make her, buddy.
00:51You might want to lighten up on the dope, though, a bit, eh?
00:53Our asses are on the line here.
00:57Well, everybody in the park's talking about Randy and his big plan to jump over the cheeseburger.
01:01You know, I think it's a great idea, although he's probably not going to make it.
01:03Of course he's not.
01:04But who cares?
01:05You know, I really believe in Randy.
01:07He's confident.
01:08He's smart.
01:09He's sexy.
01:10He's kind of sweatier than usual, but that's okay.
01:12He's working so hard to make sure that things work out with his stunt for me, for Trent
01:16and whoever this guy's going to be, you know?
01:19Dirty balls!
01:21Oh, my God.
01:22Are you okay?
01:23Yeah, I'm fine.
01:25Here.
01:27Rooster nuts.
01:29My back.
01:29Just got to hit the ramp a bit quick and loose.
01:32Well, you know what they say, practice makes perfect, right?
01:35Yeah, you're right.
01:36I'll help you with this.
01:37Thanks.
01:37Ah!
01:40Frozen mixed vegetable cocks!
02:25Poor Jacob got dysentery from eating salamanders in the woods.
02:29He's dehydrated and pretty sick.
02:31Ricky and Julian almost killed him.
02:32I've been taking care of him for a few days.
02:36Hey, Sarah, how is he?
02:38He's good.
02:38He's still sleeping.
02:39Okay.
02:45Hey, Jacob.
02:47Jacob.
02:48Wake up, little buddy.
02:49We've got to get some food into you.
02:51Start to test the burgers.
02:53Sarah?
02:54Sarah, is that okay?
02:55Yeah, it's just one small bite.
02:56Okay.
02:58I'll be here.
02:59Right here, Jacob.
03:00Come on.
03:01Sit up.
03:02That's it.
03:03Well, how are they?
03:04They're too spicy.
03:05They're too damn spicy.
03:06Dad, they're amazing.
03:07They're amazing.
03:08I put in too much spice in this.
03:11How is it, son?
03:12Better than the restaurant.
03:14Bam!
03:16Bam!
03:17Go on, son.
03:18Let's hear a band.
03:19Not doing it, Dad.
03:19I got my boys.
03:20I got my burgers.
03:21That's all I got.
03:22I need to hear a band.
03:23Just do it, Thomas.
03:25Thomas.
03:26Please.
03:28Bam!
03:29Like you mean it.
03:30Please.
03:31Dad, you know, I don't like saying bam.
03:32You guys always say.
03:34It's not my style.
03:35What does it matter?
03:35It's for Jacob and me.
03:36It bothers me.
03:37Will you just do it?
03:38Dad, you are fucked.
03:42How you doing, sweetie?
03:43Okay.
03:44Good.
03:44Are you going to be okay by yourself if I go out with your dad and your brother for a
03:47bit?
03:47Yeah, yeah.
03:47Fine.
03:48Okay.
03:48Has Julian been asking you about me?
03:52You want to take that?
03:56Jacob.
03:57This Julian stuff, it's weird.
03:59It has to stop.
04:00Okay?
04:01It's fucked up, Jacob.
04:02It's fucked up.
04:03Lay off the Julian stuff.
04:27Barb, my burning desire for your love can't not be extinguished like fire.
04:32Meet me at the White Rose Inn on the lake for all to get revealed.
04:38Your secret admirer.
04:41Huh.
04:50You looking at Julian's bum, Barb?
04:53Don't be foolish, Jim.
04:56Lighten up, eh?
05:02Hey, shitty.
05:04Hi there.
05:05What do you think, Julian?
05:06Boss, we can't use this piece of shit.
05:08We'll get pulled over, man.
05:09Boys, check it out.
05:11What the fuck?
05:12Hey, guys.
05:14How you feeling, buddy?
05:15Good.
05:16I was wondering if I could work for you guys again.
05:19You sure you got your strength back?
05:21I'm still feeling pretty weak, but I could mix drinks before I even get stuff.
05:24All right.
05:25We can start working again, but just small stuff for now.
05:27I don't want to see you getting fucked over like you did in the woods, all right?
05:29Yeah.
05:30Oh, man.
05:30That sounds like Thomas.
05:41What are you doing out of bed?
05:42I just came to see my friends.
05:43Is that okay?
05:45Oh, nice job there, son of the mustard tiger.
05:47My dad is not a mustard tiger.
05:50Oh, okay.
05:51Why are you still dressed up like Julian?
05:53With the goatee and the black t-shirt?
05:55It's embarrassing.
05:56Thomas.
05:57What's wrong with trying to dress like Julian, huh?
05:58You with your big muscle, the car, and you don't even have any muscles?
06:02Ricky?
06:04Fuck.
06:0716 years of positive thinking and education have manifested themselves in a mint condition.
06:141967 RS Camaro.
06:17Camaro.
06:21Come on, Jacob.
06:22Let's get out of here right now.
06:23We're going right now.
06:24Thomas.
06:25It's okay.
06:26It's okay.
06:27Why are you embarrassing me in front of my friends?
06:29Jacob, go spend the day with your dad, okay?
06:31Are you sure, Julian?
06:32Yeah, go for it.
06:33Tell your goddamn walrus daddy and Randy, good luck with their stupid jump the cheeseburger
06:37horse shit.
06:37It's fucking dumb.
06:38That guy is intense.
06:42Well, if you hadn't driven him away by busting his cock over every little thing, Randy would
06:46still be very much part of our lives, Barb.
06:48Busting his...
06:49Oh, my God.
06:50Jim, you are still in love with him, aren't you?
06:53And that's why you're going to this stupid burger jump with a greasy Phil Collins, isn't
06:57it?
06:57Like I already told you, I'm only doing crowd control, Barb.
07:01Just doing my job.
07:02Don't be ridiculous.
07:03Oh, ridiculous.
07:04You haven't got time to take me line dancing, but you've got loads of time to go and watch
07:09Randy on some bike stoned jump over some inflatable cheeseburger to promote his new restaurant.
07:17I'm not just doing it for Randy, Barb.
07:20No?
07:20Well, why are you wearing cologne, then?
07:23Why are you wearing cowboy boots from some unknown admirer?
07:30Oh, oh, so now you're busting my dink for having a secret admirer.
07:34Now, what am I supposed to do about that, Jim?
07:36Huh?
07:36What?
07:37Look, Barb, all I'm saying here is if anybody should be mad, it's me.
07:42Oh, well, at least somebody is paying attention to me for a change.
07:45Oh, that's all that matters, isn't it?
07:47The princess has to be paid attention to.
07:49Look at me.
07:50I'm Miss Spoiled Rich Girl whose family owns the trailer park, and I go to university.
07:56Oh, very good impression, Jim.
07:57But you know what?
07:58You neglected to add one or two points.
08:01Like, I am in a relationship with a man who's in love with another man who eats 15 cheeseburgers
08:06a day and rides around the park high on marijuana cigarettes.
08:10Barb, maybe you should lay off the alcohol just for a couple.
08:13Oh, do you think?
08:14Do you think, Jim?
08:15Because you know what?
08:15I'm gonna be totally honest with you, and it's, you know, it's a bit ironic actually,
08:19but since you stopped drinking, you are not half as much fun.
08:24Uh, I'm doing my best here.
08:26Jim, I wish you'd start drinking again.
08:37Oh, Randy!
08:38Are you okay?
08:38Oh, sweet and sour chicken balls.
08:40I think I sprained it loose.
08:41Is it bad?
08:42Yeah, it hurts.
08:43Okay.
08:44Well, we'll put some...
08:45Oh, I'll go to where's Cox.
08:46Okay, well, you know what?
08:47We're gonna go back to my place, put some ice on this.
08:49You are gonna be fine.
08:50This is not a problem.
08:51A couple of hours max.
08:52Oh, Randy, enough with the Cox.
08:55All right, let's just go.
08:56Oh, it hurts.
08:57You know, everyone, you'll just walk it off.
08:59Randy, everyone's, you know, depending on you, you're the guy.
09:02I don't know if I can do this.
09:03Of course you, of course you can do it.
09:04If you couldn't do it, who would have you do it?
09:13Why can't your dad do it?
09:15Randy, think about it.
09:17He's not an athlete like you are.
09:19He can't jump over cheeseburgers on a bike.
09:22He'll be making the burgers.
09:24Come on, Randy, it has to be you.
09:25Thomas is absolutely right.
09:27You can do it, man.
09:27Randy, the Randy man can.
09:30Guys, guess what these are?
09:32No curtains?
09:33Nope.
09:34Oh, boxcars for doll probably.
09:36You got her, man.
09:37Thanks for looking good, boys.
09:39Yeah, I'll say things are looking good.
09:42Can I, uh, can I have a little word with you, Julian, please?
09:46They fit perfectly.
09:49Okay.
09:49So, thank you very, very, very much.
09:54Oh, come on, Julian.
09:56I think that we can put an end to this little charade.
10:00What the fuck are they talking about?
10:03Greasy stuff, I'd say.
10:06I think they might be banging it.
10:07Look at them.
10:08How much have you had to drink today?
10:09Enough to know that I am finished with Jim,
10:11and I can finally go with you to the White Rose Inn on the Lake section.
10:18What are you talking about?
10:19Oh, Julian, come on.
10:20I know.
10:21I know that you are my secret admirer.
10:26Well, it's quite a step up in the world from banging Randy and Leahy to banging Julian, isn't it?
10:32That's a weird thought, Ricky.
10:34There must be some kind of misunderstanding, Barb.
10:36I have no idea what you're talking about.
10:41Oh.
10:42Right.
10:43Well, thank goodness for that.
10:45That would have been weird.
10:47Oh.
10:48That would have been really weird.
10:52I mean, don't get me wrong.
10:53I'm flattered and everything, okay?
10:56But love's gonna come when you least expect it.
10:58Don't worry.
10:59It's gonna happen.
11:28Surprise, Phil.
11:29Found you.
11:30I'm here for my $75.
11:31Rent's due.
11:32Sam, what are you doing here today, man?
11:33I told you tomorrow.
11:35Not tomorrow.
11:35I'm opening it up here today.
11:36I could make $75 easy.
11:38No, Phil.
11:38Today.
11:39This is my opening day.
11:40Don't fuck it up.
11:40I don't give a shit.
11:41It's $75.
11:42It's only $75, Sam.
11:44$75.
11:45I don't give a fuck.
11:46It's mine.
11:46I want it.
11:47I want it now.
11:48Or plan B for you, big guy.
11:49Yeah, well, I hope plan B means you brushing your cave teeth with a log.
11:53Cave teeth?
11:54Cave teeth?
11:54Yeah.
11:55It's fucking on, Phil.
11:56It's fucking on.
11:57It's on.
11:58I'll kill you fucking caveman.
12:00Sam?
12:00You've got to make this get fucking ugly, Phil.
12:02Just give me my $75.
12:04Shouldn't you be at a Water Buffalo Lodge meeting or something?
12:07You're not hearing me, Susudio?
12:09Fuck!
12:10Now get behind the fucking wheel.
12:12The caveman's in charge.
12:13We're going to an insta-tower.
12:15Ricky, are you all right?
12:16You fucking want better than the person I shot him is going to be when I fucking find him.
12:22Who the fuck shot me?
12:25Fuck!
12:26Fuck!
12:26Fuck!
12:26Tell him...
12:27Tell him...
12:28I don't know.
12:29Tell him to go fuck himself.
12:30Rick!
12:31Go fuck yourself, buddy!
12:33You fucking shoot me, Phil!
12:34Huh?
12:36Drive us the fuck out of here!
12:38Please, Sam, I need the serving!
12:40It's the only thing I got, man!
12:42I'll pay you back tomorrow, I promise!
12:44Fuck your stupid, dirty burgers!
12:46Drive!
12:48Nice!
12:49Fuck up, Phil!
12:50Shut up, Flintstone!
12:51No matter what other pressure you hear, Sam!
12:52Fuck off!
12:52Hey, everybody, stand back!
12:54Phil?
12:55You in there?
12:56What's going on, bud?
12:57It's Sam!
12:58He's holding me hostage!
12:59Oh, shut up!
13:00I need your help, Jimmy boy!
13:01Shut the fuck up!
13:02Yeah, shut up, Phil!
13:03Sam!
13:05Jim Leahy!
13:07What?
13:08Officer Jim Leahy!
13:09So?
13:10Listen!
13:12I want you to talk to me!
13:13What's going on, bud?
13:14What do you want this time?
13:16I just want you all to fuck off!
13:20Sam's gone a bit far for that!
13:22We're gonna have to take this downtown!
13:24Look!
13:25Put my gun away, bud!
13:27Put down your weapon!
13:29Put your hands up and come on out!
13:31I'll count to ten!
13:33One!
13:33Ricky?
13:34Joe!
13:35Are you all right?
13:36Yeah, I'm fine!
13:37Back off, Lucy!
13:38Fuck off, Randy!
13:39Get out of here!
13:41Randy?
13:41Jimmy?
13:42Don't wipe Randy's all dirty sweat on me!
13:45Fuck downtown!
13:47Let's get the fuck out of here!
13:48Drive, Easy Lover!
13:49Drive!
13:53Oh, my God!
13:54How the fuck is he doing?
13:57You're making a big mistake, Sam!
13:59You idiot!
14:00What the fuck are you doing?
14:02What are you doing?
14:04Jesus!
14:04We're gonna fucking hit our trailer!
14:06Stop, Phil!
14:07Fuck!
14:07Be careful, man!
14:09That's what happens when you kidnap a dinosaur, you fucking cave-dwelling prick!
14:16Barb?
14:18Will you get out of the way with this stupid dirty burger?
14:21Let me out of the park!
14:22Move it, Phil!
14:24Stand back, everyone!
14:26They're coming up!
14:29Sam, what are you doing running around the park waving a gun again?
14:32Nobody fucking move!
14:34I'm searching for lost love, Barb!
14:36What?
14:38How do you like the boots?
14:41Yeah.
14:43Yes.
14:46Yes.
14:47This isn't how I wanted to tell you, Barb, but I'm your secret admirer.
14:52I love you, baby.
14:53So if all the gifts were from you?
14:55Every one.
14:57Let Phil Collins go, Sam!
14:58Not till I get my money!
15:00Right now!
15:01$75!
15:04$75?
15:05Here's $100.
15:07Does that settle it?
15:08Yes!
15:08Does that settle it?
15:09What's wrong with you?
15:10None of you fucking guys knows what I've been through!
15:12None of you! None of you!
15:13Sam, it's time to take a little trip downtown!
15:15No, Jim!
15:16Jim!
15:16Jim!
15:17Let him say what's on his mind!
15:19Fucking caves and rocks and cars with no floors and swinging for fucking bones!
15:23Show up, you prick!
15:24It's not working.
15:26Barb.
15:27I banged, made love to a lot of women in my life.
15:31And a couple of dudes, too, but that's not important.
15:34What's important is I can't not live with no woman but you.
15:37I love you, baby.
15:39Just you.
15:41Sam, I might be drunk, but that is the sweetest thing anybody's ever said to me.
15:45Come away with this old caveman, Barb, to the White Rose Inn.
15:48I got a great buffet there, baby.
15:50Yeah.
15:51Yeah, yeah, yeah, I...
15:54I will.
15:56So, Jim, are you gonna try and stop me?
15:59You deserve better, Mr. Leahy.
16:01Well, that's what you want.
16:05Thanks, Jim.
16:06Come on, Sam, let's go.
16:07Let's go.
16:10Somebody please try to explain to you what the fuck just happened here?
16:13Caveman always gets a girl, Ricky.
16:19Come on.
16:20Boys, I can't go through with this opening.
16:21Dad?
16:22The dirty burger almost killed me, boys.
16:25Fuck it.
16:26The hell with it.
16:27Come on, Dad.
16:27Give me a bam.
16:29Come on, Dad.
16:30Bam.
16:30Not now, son, not now.
16:32Come on, Dad.
16:32Bam!
16:34Boys, I can't give you a bam, but I can give you a green eggs and hail!
16:38Hail!
16:40We can do this!
16:41Let's hail it!
16:42Ha, ha, ha, ha!
16:44Thanks, girls.
16:45That's great.
16:46Just line them up here.
16:47Lots for the customers.
17:02How you doing, Mr. Leahy?
17:04Randy, I'm begging you.
17:05Please don't do this.
17:07I can't take it.
17:08Listen, I'm this close to going back to drinking, bud.
17:10That wouldn't be my fault, Mr. Leahy.
17:11Listen, you got any dope on you?
17:13No, I don't, Randy.
17:15Look, are you sure you can do this without killing yourself?
17:17Thanks for the vote of confidence, Mr. Leahy.
17:19Hey, man, come over and get your gear out, buddy!
17:21Are you gonna do this thing or what, Randy?
17:23Geez, guys, my ankle's a little sore.
17:25I don't know if I can do this.
17:26Randy, make this jump and be a living legend.
17:28Don't tell me how far the dirty burger will go, huh?
17:31I don't know if I can do it, guys.
17:32I really don't know.
17:34Man, it'll look great.
17:35Don't you worry about it.
17:36Let's get a scare.
17:37Ladies and gentlemen,
17:39the moment you've all been waiting for,
17:43Randy will jump the cheeseburger.
17:47You look fucking stupid with all that padding shit on, Randy, you dummy.
18:00Come on, Randy!
18:02Come on!
18:02Oh, nice jump, Randy!
18:04Whoa!
18:05Come on.
18:07I can't do this, guys.
18:08I can't do it unless I'm stoned.
18:10Randy, you've got it, man.
18:10It's the dirty burger.
18:11See everything we've got you.
18:11I'm not doing it, fella.
18:12You've got to.
18:13There's no choice in the matter.
18:14I've got to be hot.
18:14I'm not doing it.
18:15I'm not doing it.
18:16You've got to fucking do it, man.
18:18You've got to do it.
18:19Frick off.
18:19Dad, take it easy.
18:21Dad.
18:22Frick off.
18:23Look, look, look.
18:23God damn it.
18:24Dad, you're losing a pound of piss out of you.
18:26That whole family is so fucked.
18:30Dad, please take it easy.
18:32Dad.
18:33Damn it, man.
18:34This dirty burger thing way too seriously, Phil.
18:36If I had some dope, I'd do this.
18:39Well, go see your precious Julian and get him some dope.
18:42Dad, he can't be on drugs when he does the jump.
18:45He's got to be.
18:45No, he can't be on drugs.
18:46We've got no choice right now.
18:47Drugs are wrong.
18:47Any other time, but we've got to do another.
18:49Just fucking do it.
18:50Okay, okay.
18:51Okay, let's see if I hook us up, Thomas.
18:56What the fuck do you want, Tuffy?
18:58I'm not here to fight, okay?
19:00Randy will not make that jump unless he's high on marijuana.
19:04High on marijuana, big fucking surprise.
19:07We're not getting it from me because this is my personal stock from the captain's cupboard, all right?
19:11It's my best stuff.
19:12And I'm not giving it to Randy.
19:13Come on, it's an emergency, guys.
19:14We just need a bud.
19:15Please, Julian.
19:18Ricky, just give him a hit off this thing so we can get this jump underway.
19:21Please.
19:26Randy, are you gonna do this or are you too fucking scared?
19:28Ricky, I just need to get high.
19:30Why?
19:31Fuck you're sweating.
19:32No shit.
19:33Anyway, that's why I'm here.
19:35Be careful with that.
19:36It's my personal stuff.
19:37It's kick ass.
19:37You only need a little tawny bit.
19:38Thanks a lot, Ricky.
19:40This is awesome.
19:41You saved the day.
19:46All right, that's good.
19:47That's all you need, man.
19:47I'm serious.
19:48Get the fuck out there and don't let us down.
19:50We're all high as fuck.
19:51Good luck.
19:52Thanks, Rick.
19:52All right, he's gonna do it.
19:56Look at him.
19:57He looks like a hairy robot.
19:59That's pretty fucking rough.
20:01Randy!
20:02Randy!
20:03Randy!
20:03Randy!
20:06Randy!
20:09Oh, my God, he's down!
20:11Somebody call an ambulance.
20:13Randy.
20:13Randy, are you here?
20:14Drugs.
20:15This is drugs.
20:16Do you want drugs, dude?
20:17Don't fucking do something.
20:18Jesus.
20:19I'm here, you fucking wolf.
20:20You better get your dad out of control, you guy.
20:22You son of a bitch.
20:23I'm gonna drop the shit out of you fucking wolf.
20:34We did it, Phil.
20:36We sure did, Randy.
20:37We sure did.
20:38Hang in there, Randy.
20:41Take it easy, honey.
20:42Get well.
20:43Soon.
20:44Poor Randy.
20:56I'm really gonna throw you away.
20:58You're gonna throw it.
21:02I just gave it a couple times to keep her out.
21:02I remember you going to throw it in the right for me.
21:02Wait a second.
21:03You're gonna throw it.
21:07You guys.
21:08You're gonna throw it all together.
21:11You'll have to shoot it.
21:11Yeah.
21:13You'll have to shoot for your goals.
21:13So long, you'll have to shoot it.
21:15I'll throw it out.
21:18You'll have to shoot it, man.