00:00Is it inherently human nature for us to cheat?
00:02Is cheating ever okay?
00:04I decided to talk to my friend, Lily, who got cheated not once, not twice, but six times
00:10by the same guy, and you'll never guess who it was with.
00:13My boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, cheated on me six times that I know of, but I think there
00:19was probably more than that.
00:21Also, he had cheated on me with my best friend at the time.
00:24He had denied, denied, denied, how they all do, I think, when you cheat.
00:27And so then, when you finally do find out, I think it hurts even more because then you're
00:32being lied to and cheated on.
00:34I had found out from one of our mutual friends, me and the girl, and she had posted just a
00:39picture of the girl saying, walk of shame in his sweatshirt, and I found out just by noticing
00:45it was his sweatshirt.
00:46And what did you do?
00:48I called him, hoping that I could maybe catch him off guard and he would admit it, but of
00:52course, as cheaters are liars too, he didn't deny, deny, deny.
00:57Why did you continue to get back together with him after you kept finding out he was
01:00cheating?
01:01I think I kept getting back together with him because of the hope that he would change.
01:05It's like the hardest part of cheating, I think, is letting go of the hope that they
01:09will be different, and I saw so much potential, I think.
01:12Do you think once a cheater, always a cheater?
01:15Yeah.
01:16I do.
01:16And I didn't then, but if you're a cheater and you're cheating multiple times on different
01:21people, which he was and is, I think you're always a cheater.
01:24I don't think there's a way to change that.
01:26What do you think cheating is a symptom of?
01:28Not being good enough, not feeling like you're good enough.
01:31I think that people who cheat feel like they're inferior to their partner or can't live up
01:35to their partner's standards.
01:37What do you think is the biggest misconception about cheating?
01:39That it's easy to leave.
01:41I think that's honestly when it hurts the most, when you feel like it's your fault somehow
01:44that the person cheated and you become insecure because of it.
01:48So what did you learn from that experience?
01:50I learned definitely first and foremost that you can't change people.
01:53Lily went through a lot and I don't even think I could handle that, but I really respected
01:57how she was able to come out through the other side and talk about that relationship.
02:01But I wondered how it would feel on the other side of things if I had cheated.
02:04I talked to my friend Julia who cheated on her first love and it was one of the biggest
02:08regrets of her life.
02:09I was a teenager and I don't think I really like understood relationships or like how
02:15to be an adult one.
02:16And I just didn't take it seriously, but I actually happened to like really love that
02:20man and it's probably like the biggest regret.
02:24So what went down?
02:25How did he find out?
02:26He was told by one of his best friends who found out somehow.
02:28We tried to break up, but we didn't really break up.
02:31But the relationship was never the same.
02:33Sometimes people say one's a cheater, always a cheater.
02:35I totally understand why people say that.
02:38It's not the person that I am.
02:40Would you ever cheat again?
02:41I would never cheat again.
02:43It was one of the hardest things I ever had to like get over.
02:46It was damaging for me.
02:48After you cheat, it's just, it's done, it's ruined.
02:51I felt guilty like forever, probably until about a year ago when I kind of got over him.
02:56I think that breaking someone else's heart is worse than having your own heart broken
03:00because you have to live with that guilt and it's really impossible to get rid of even
03:04after he forgave me.
03:06I didn't forgive me.
03:07It's easy to define cheating in physical terms, but I wanted to know what it was like
03:10to emotionally cheat and how that dynamic is a symptom of problems within the relationship.
03:15I talked to my friend Jameer who was emotionally cheating and didn't even realize it.
03:19What is emotional cheating?
03:21Emotional cheating is anything that you do that's of course not physical.
03:24So confiding in other people, especially people that you're attracted to about your relationship,
03:29you're bringing people into your inner sanctum.
03:31So when did you realize that you were emotionally cheating?
03:33Well, my sister told me.
03:35I had no clue I was emotionally cheating.
03:37I was just, you know, you think you're confiding in people.
03:39When I told her, I was like, well, you know, I was talking to this girl about it and she
03:42was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
03:43You were talking to somebody else about your relationship that you found attractive?
03:48You said, that's a problem.
03:50You're emotionally cheating.
03:52I was like, that's not, we didn't sleep together, nothing.
03:56She was like, no, you're attracted to her.
03:57Could you see yourself sleeping with her?
03:59I said, yeah, I could, I guess.
04:02And she was like, well, that's emotionally cheating.
04:05Because you're confiding in someone else instead of addressing those problems with
04:08your partner.
04:09Did it ever lead to a physical cheat?
04:11No.
04:11No.
04:12But of course I thought about it.
04:13She was pretty.
04:14She was a very beautiful woman.
04:15But I had to maintain that kind of, you know, just friendship and kind of stay the course
04:20and kind of rebuild myself.
04:21If you're emotionally cheating, of course there is a symptom that there is a problem in
04:26your relationship.
04:27What you're doing is you're running away from the relationship itself.
04:32And you know, relationship, you're supposed to communicate.
04:34You're supposed to share everything with your partner.
04:35That's your best friend.
04:36That's your teammate.
04:37That's your LeBron and Dwayne Wade.
04:39You guys are teammates forever.
04:41But if I'm LeBron and I'm confiding in someone else instead of my teammate, then that causes
04:46friction in the relationship.
04:48Is physical cheating worse than emotional cheating?
04:51Well, when I was younger I would definitely say, without a shadow of a doubt, physical
04:55cheating.
04:55Because that fragile male ego, it's like, why would you cheat on me?
04:59Me?
05:00As you get older you realize that emotional cheating is worse, in my opinion, just because
05:05it's hard to find that bond emotionally with someone.
05:09You don't have that a lot.
05:11And when you break trust and somebody's heart emotionally, it's hard to regain, like, come
05:18back from that.
05:18You can't just bounce back.
05:20There are a lot of facets of cheating, which is clearly a result of how complicated we are
05:24as human beings.
05:25We are flawed and we make mistakes.
05:28That being said, after talking with my friends, it made me realize that no one wins when someone
05:33cheats.
05:34So no, cheating is never okay.
05:36You can have a non-monogamous relationship as long as all parties are aware and on board.
05:42And if cheating ever comes up in a relationship, use it as a way to take a closer look at
05:46yourself
05:47and your partner.
05:48Because, honey, you deserve better.
05:50See ya!
05:51See you later!
05:51Let's do it.
