- 26 minutes ago
S01E03: One and Done (Only Child Stereotypes, Financial Realities & Hard Questions)
In this episode of Daddies, hosts Rob Stott and Marcus Hurley tackle the big decision of being "one and done." Rob shares why he and his husband decided to stop at one child after their surrogacy journey, including the annual reality of paying embryo storage fees, avoiding burnout, and overcoming the guilt of not giving their daughter a sibling. Marcus breaks down his experience raising his daughter "Beano," dea
In this episode of Daddies, hosts Rob Stott and Marcus Hurley tackle the big decision of being "one and done." Rob shares why he and his husband decided to stop at one child after their surrogacy journey, including the annual reality of paying embryo storage fees, avoiding burnout, and overcoming the guilt of not giving their daughter a sibling. Marcus breaks down his experience raising his daughter "Beano," dea
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LifestyleTranscript
00:00You know what my mum used to do when I was a kid?
00:02What's that?
00:02She would just lie down right next to me when I was having a tantrum and then very softly whisper,
00:07Everyone is looking at you.
00:12Hi, welcome to Daddies, a podcast about life on the other side of kids.
00:16I'm Marcus and I have no authority other than I am the father to a gorgeous nearly five-year-old
00:23daughter.
00:24And this is Rob, also from Man of Many, a father to a gorgeous almost four-year-old.
00:32She doesn't have authority?
00:34No, she has authority.
00:35I have no authority.
00:36What do you think about the thing where they say little girls were wrapped around their little finger?
00:42Do you think that's true?
00:42Oh, I 100% am.
00:43Yeah, I'm alright with it. I'm going to go with it.
00:45We have pretty quickly, well not pretty quickly because she's almost four,
00:48but we've definitely established a dynamic now where my husband is the disciplinarian
00:53and I'm the one who lets her get away with anything.
00:54See, I have to be both, so again, I'm splitting, I'm splitting.
00:57You contain multitudes.
00:58Yeah, I contain multitudes. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
01:01Let's get into it, Rob.
01:06Wait for it.
01:09This segment will become clear in three, two, one.
01:14Why did the chicken cross the road?
01:17I don't know, Marcus, why?
01:18Because!
01:20Yeah?
01:21Now, I can't, like, that's not my joke.
01:24Someone gave it to me, so thank you for that joke.
01:26But my daughter absolutely loves it.
01:28Yeah.
01:29And it was one of the first kind of instances where we could interact meaningfully,
01:35if that makes sense.
01:36Like, she maybe didn't get the joke, but she knew that I laughed.
01:41And, like, so then she knew how to laugh or knew to laugh.
01:44Um, and it's interesting, she's made me laugh, like, hysterically a few times.
01:49And I can see this habit of her trying to get me back to that form of laughter.
01:55It's like she's, she's trying to play the room.
01:57Like, I predict stand-up comedian in her, uh, in her future.
02:02Do you have a dad joke?
02:04I do.
02:05Billy's a little bit young for puns still.
02:08She just doesn't get them yet.
02:09But my favourite joke is, how does a butcher introduce his wife?
02:14I don't know.
02:15How does a butcher introduce his wife?
02:17Meet Paddy.
02:17Hey!
02:18That's good!
02:19Yeah, it's not good.
02:20See, I, no, it is good.
02:22I, I feel, um, should we throw one?
02:24Oh, I've got one.
02:25This is a really bad one.
02:25What do you get when you cross an angry cow and an angry sheep?
02:31I don't know, Marcus.
02:32What do you get?
02:33A bad mood.
02:36But I think I, dad jokes, right?
02:39I think it's, I've not done the research, but I think it's this great way that I, and maybe other
02:46dads, bond with their kids.
02:48Like there's this weird kind of making them cringe is a, like a form of love language.
02:56And I, I don't know whether it's a defensive thing or whatever it is, but I, I love it.
03:01And it's like, I'll carry Sabrina and I'll see a bin.
03:04It's like, oh, well, you got to go in the bin.
03:06Absolutely.
03:06Or like, she's hurt her finger.
03:08It's like, oh, we've got to chop it off.
03:10Amputated.
03:10Yeah.
03:11Like, where does that come from?
03:13Like, are there mum jokes?
03:15No.
03:16So why is it specifically dads?
03:19Answer the question.
03:20I guess because once upon a time it was the only way dads could connect with their children.
03:23Interesting.
03:24So they'd be off at work at seven, back at seven, kiss them goodnight, tell a dad joke, rinse and
03:31repeat.
03:31Give them a bit of the old razzle dazzle and off you go.
03:33The razzle dazzle.
03:35Um, I, I don't recall my dad being a cringy dad joke teller.
03:39Well, I know your dad somewhat.
03:41Do you?
03:41I'm not surprised by that.
03:43Okay.
03:43Yeah.
03:43Dad, you're very funny though.
03:45Next time I see you, can you tell me a joke?
03:48Love you.
03:48Bye.
03:49My dad wasn't much of a dad joker either, to be honest.
03:51Yeah.
03:51Yeah.
03:52But I am.
03:52I don't know where I got it from.
03:54I think it's, um, it's not genetic.
03:57What's the other way?
03:57Like, it's just, it's ingrained in, in a father.
04:01Um, so long live the dad jokes, I say.
04:05Absolutely.
04:06Excellent.
04:06But we're not here to talk about dad jokes.
04:08Well, we kind of are.
04:09Okay.
04:09What are we going to talk about?
04:10What are we going to talk about?
04:11We're going to talk about children because you know, we're dads.
04:14That's what I asked about.
04:15You have one child.
04:16I have one child.
04:17Yes.
04:18Did at any stage, or maybe even now, are you considering adding to your family?
04:24No.
04:25Oh.
04:25Not at all.
04:26Why not?
04:26No, we made the decision a little while ago.
04:28Okay.
04:28I mean, obviously things are slightly different for us.
04:31It's not like we can just have a kid by accident.
04:34Try as we might.
04:35Can you imagine?
04:36Um, we, it's a process.
04:39It's an expensive process and it's a real choice.
04:42And we, uh, had a couple of embryos left over from the first time around.
04:48Are they still there?
04:49What's the, like.
04:50Well, they're kept in storage.
04:52Okay.
04:52And you pay for the storage.
04:53Oh, really?
04:54And every year they send you a notice going, do you want us to keep storing these?
04:58For a while, which was a really good forcing function.
05:01Cause it, it, it did force us to sit down and go, do we want to do this again?
05:05It's like a human subscription service.
05:07Kind of.
05:07Yeah.
05:07Okay.
05:08Um, I'm not sure that's how they'd frame it, but sure.
05:11Um, so we, yeah, we had to make the decision.
05:15We had to go, do we want to pay for another year of this storage?
05:17Do we think we're going to do this again?
05:18And we kind of came to the conclusion that no.
05:20So how old was Billy when you made that decision?
05:23Um, it was probably about a year ago, I would say.
05:26So she would have been two and a half, something like that.
05:28Has Billy ever said, yo, where's my sibling?
05:32No, no, she hasn't.
05:35She, I'm sure the question will come.
05:37She's got a few cousins and things and she, she does call her cousins, her brothers and
05:41sisters, which is, she just doesn't quite, hasn't quite.
05:44But is that something you'd correct in terms of like, if she's feeling that bond, I mean,
05:50I was quite, uh, well, my cousins were significantly older than me, so I actually don't really know
05:55what that would be like, but my daughter, um, like she loves her cousins, all of her cousins
06:00are around the same age.
06:01Um, so why not kind of.
06:04Oh, you know how you have a, an auntie or an uncle who isn't necessarily your auntie or
06:08uncle?
06:08Yes.
06:09So similar deal maybe?
06:10Similar, yeah, similar deal.
06:11Um, but she, no, she hasn't asked us about whether or not we, whether or not she's ever
06:15going to have a sibling.
06:16Uh, but yeah, we just, we decided that we were one and done.
06:21Do you have fears around, it's a, it's a stereotype that I remember growing up, like the, the,
06:27the only child and the spoilt and rebellious and like all those kinds of negative connotations
06:36of being an only child.
06:37Do you think that's shifted?
06:40What are we?
06:40What 2026 is there?
06:42Like I know some really nice single child people.
06:46Some of my friends are only children.
06:48Yeah.
06:49Yeah.
06:50There you go.
06:50Like, but do you think that stereotype has shifted?
06:53I think it's changing.
06:54Uh, the one, I, I do feel a certain level of guilt about like loneliness is the thing
06:59I think about.
07:00I don't know about you.
07:01My TikTok feed is very full of, um, videos of like kids being introduced to their younger
07:06siblings for the first time when they're born, you know, kids like walking to the hospital
07:09and they've got like a little teddy bear or flowers or something.
07:12Uh, and every time I see that it does pull at the heartstrings and I go, you know, if
07:16I could like snap my fingers and just have another baby, then I probably would do it.
07:20Cause how long was the process?
07:22I think two and a half years.
07:23That's, that's a lot more than nine months.
07:25Yeah.
07:26Um, so yeah, if I could snap my fingers, I probably would have another one, but there's
07:32a bunch of reasons why we decided not to as well.
07:35We, first of all, we just got a really good one the first time around and just didn't want
07:39to risk it.
07:39Like, I feel like I've got the perfect child.
07:42Yeah.
07:43She was pretty good.
07:43There might be, there might be another one in my future, but at the moment I've, I've
07:48nailed it.
07:50She's perfect and no other child will ever compare.
07:55Well, it's funny you said it cause I also have a perfect child.
07:57Oh, wow.
07:58Interesting.
07:58I'm really lucky.
07:59Uh, but yeah, we have our moments, but for the most part, she's pretty well behaved.
08:02She doesn't throw tantrums.
08:03She sleeps pretty well and she always has right from the start.
08:06And we kind of went, Oh, I don't know if, you know, is the second one going to be this
08:09easy?
08:09I don't think so.
08:10I mean, you mentioned tantrums, but maybe we should say that for another day.
08:13Cause I find it interesting when you see a tantrum out in the wild, not my princess.
08:17Should other.
08:18Yeah.
08:19Um, and how you, I think I, I feel for them more than any form of judgment because that
08:25is a, that's a tough situation to navigate.
08:28You know what my mom used to do when I was a kid?
08:30What's that?
08:30She would just lie down right next to me when I was having a tantrum and then very softly
08:34whisper, everyone is looking at you.
08:39And that's where I developed my crippling insecurities.
08:41And like, you've hardly had a tantrum in the office.
08:43So it's obviously worldly.
08:45Should we add a little bit of authority to what we're talking about?
08:49The Guardian.
08:50The Guardian.
08:51A reputable source.
08:52Very much so.
08:53Excellent.
08:54So, uh, Rhiannon Lucy Coslett, she's written an article, it's called One and Done Families
09:01Are Some of the Most Compassionate I've Ever Met, which kind of goes against what we were
09:06kind of talking about.
09:08Yeah.
09:08The stereotype.
09:09And I think perhaps we are examples of, you know, 2026 one child families.
09:17Yeah.
09:17I think we do all right.
09:19Um, but the kind of basis of what, uh, Rhiannon was talking about, uh, the idea that having
09:26only one child is selfish or unfair to the kid is outdated and wrong.
09:30She argues the opposite, that the one and done parents she, uh, she heard from were among
09:35the most thoughtful and compassionate, putting the existing child's wellbeing first.
09:41How do you think that applies to your kind of current situation?
09:46Do you think, do you think we're being selfish?
09:50Yeah, kind of, but like deliberately so.
09:53Like that was part of the consideration for us was that we have a pretty good life balance
09:57at the moment where we can still get things done on the weekend, you know, like Billy can
10:03spend some time with her dad and I can go to the gym and then I get home and we
10:06swap,
10:06like we're able to do that sort of stuff, which would be so much harder with two kids.
10:09So there was a little bit of a selfish element to it where we decided we felt like we had
10:13a really good life balance and we didn't want to risk losing that.
10:16Yeah.
10:16But is it, would it not then be maybe selfish isn't the word, but to introduce another
10:21child into that, not that you would resent the child, but that changes the dynamic and
10:26maybe that kind of situation, I mean, adding another child, does that make it more stressful
10:34for you?
10:35And therefore they're maybe not getting, I know we're projecting into the future here,
10:39but they're not getting the care and support that maybe you are able to give Billy
10:43because there is only one.
10:44That's the other thing.
10:45I think with one, you can be very intentional, focused and, you know, being the best dad
10:51you can be to one child, it's obviously harder with two.
10:54Um, and I know I've got, again, I've got a bunch of, um, single parent friends and they
11:01have multiple children and they co-parent and so half, half, I'm not sure if there were
11:07two Benos, how I'd go.
11:09So I don't know how my parents did it with the kids, like weekend sport, footy in two
11:16different places, netball somewhere else.
11:18How did anyone get it done?
11:19If anything, I think having a child is probably the least selfish thing you can do just in
11:25that.
11:25I mean, I dedicate 99% of my time when I'm with Beno to her and it's, so I've got
11:34her
11:34picking her up to tonight, got the weekend with her.
11:37I have to have one major activity on Saturday and then another one on Sunday.
11:43Otherwise I'd go insane.
11:44Yes.
11:45Like if it's a rainy day, I love, I love kind of drawing with her.
11:49And although Plato, I'm not a big fan of Plato.
11:52Whenever she says, can we play with Plato?
11:54Are you a crafty dad?
11:56I am getting better because Beno was teaching me.
12:00Okay.
12:00I think I'm actually not a bad drawer.
12:02She's really good.
12:03Okay.
12:03So, um, she once said to me, we were drawing next to each other and I was drawing whatever
12:09I was drawing and I showed her, I was like, what did you think?
12:11It's like, oh, it wouldn't have been my choice, but it's good.
12:15So I don't know where she's getting that kind of subtle dig within a nice delivery kind
12:20of way, but it's, um, it's been, yeah.
12:24My, my art journey is continuing.
12:27But you hate Plato.
12:28I do hate Plato.
12:29I hate craft in general.
12:30I'm not, I don't like it and I'm not good at it.
12:33And both Billy and I get bored off, bored of it after about 15 minutes.
12:38Really?
12:38Well, I challenge you and I find, I find drawing with Beno, perhaps one of the most relaxing
12:44things I could possibly do.
12:46I like Lego.
12:47Sorry?
12:47Lego is good for that.
12:48Lego?
12:49Yeah.
12:49Uh, Ben, I guess a little bit sick of Lego after about five minutes and I love it.
12:54So I'm happy to just build it.
12:55And I was like, here you go.
12:56Here's your Moana sailboat.
12:58She's like, great.
12:59And then it sits on a shelf and it's never thought of again.
13:01Um, how do you think your, you grew up in a household of three, how do you think that's
13:09kind of informed your decision to have one?
13:12You mentioned your parents.
13:13That's an interesting question.
13:14And I'll have to tread carefully in case my siblings listen to this.
13:17Um, I'm kidding.
13:18They won't.
13:19Um, I don't know.
13:22I, I don't know.
13:24I don't know that it did.
13:25I don't know that I considered that at all, to be honest.
13:27Uh, I have a good relationship with my siblings.
13:30I said that with a bit of, yeah, which sums it up.
13:34Um, but that's the kind of, uh, relationship that you would have that starts in childhood
13:40and then continues.
13:41Right.
13:41Like, cause I was, I was an absolute brat to my two sisters and I think I'm still, maybe
13:47this is something I project upon myself, that I'm still considered the brat.
13:52Mm.
13:52Maybe they don't even think about me like that anymore.
13:54Do you think that's the brat?
13:55Oh no, I'm very well behaved now.
13:58I have to be, I have to be a role model for my daughter.
14:01Now that you've asked me that question, it does occur to me.
14:04Like I, I get along with both of my siblings, but I wouldn't say we're close.
14:07We see each other like my, one, my sister lives in another state.
14:12My brother and I see each other probably once every six weeks, usually for like lunch at
14:15mom and dad's house.
14:17But the fact that I'm not that as close to them as some siblings are probably did actually
14:22inform my thinking a little bit.
14:24And you could argue that Billy is in a good position and I don't want to get morbid, but
14:29like as you get older and parents pass away and you hear those kinds of stories about siblings
14:35fighting over inheritance or houses and all that kind of thing.
14:39Billy doesn't have to do it.
14:40She gets it all.
14:41Yeah.
14:41Yeah.
14:42That's, that's a bonus.
14:43That's unselfish.
14:45Um, not that I'm disagreeing with Rihanna and I think she makes some good points.
14:49Rob, you talked about the cost of surrogacy.
14:53So to actually bring Billy into existence was a lot of money.
14:58And there's figures here that you've written down in the notes, but I'm not going to say
15:01them out loud.
15:02It's a lot.
15:03Enjoy your surrogacy journey yourself and you'll find out.
15:05Um, but obviously, okay.
15:07So you've got it.
15:08There's a big upfront cost.
15:09Yeah.
15:09I don't want to call, I was about to call an investment.
15:11Upfront cost is better.
15:12Um, how has that kind of continued though?
15:16Well, kids are expensive.
15:17They are expensive.
15:17And that, that was certainly one of the things we considered was, could we continue to live
15:23the lifestyle that we live if we had a second kid?
15:25And the answer is kind of like, probably not.
15:27Like kids are expensive.
15:29Food is expensive.
15:30Everything is expensive.
15:31So that was definitely a part of our thinking was whether or not we could continue on our
15:38merry little way.
15:39Yeah.
15:39Cause our, our responsibility, our prime responsibility is to keep our child alive.
15:44And then you can add on top enjoyment of life.
15:49So activities, all those kinds of things.
15:50And I, I think I, I would love to be in a financial position outside of like, Hey daddy, can
15:57I have
15:57a pony?
15:58I want to be in a financial position to go, yes, you can do ballet.
16:01Yes.
16:02You can do piano.
16:02No, yes, I'll get you a premium YouTube subscription.
16:05So you don't have to watch ads.
16:07She's very spoiled.
16:08Um, and that to me, if I was to add another child to that, I'm not entirely sure.
16:15Like we'd have a roof over our head, but maybe those activities.
16:19Not to mention daycare.
16:19Oh my goodness.
16:21Don't talk to me.
16:22Like love them though.
16:25Those teachers.
16:26The best.
16:26They're amazing.
16:27And, uh, Bino will come back from daycare every day and she's learned something new and
16:33she's got stories and she knows all their names and it's, it's a brilliant kind of relationship,
16:38but it's a huge cost.
16:40And I, I would struggle if I had to do more than I, you know, I've got my one income
16:47and
16:47it's good, but I don't know where my money goes sometimes because Sabrina will want this
16:55to eat one day, but then she won't eat.
16:57And then it's just, it just pops up and pops up.
16:58Do you love that?
16:59No, I don't want it.
17:00No.
17:00When they, when they love something and then suddenly they don't.
17:03And I've just learned to, I know cook two meals, but I'm like, okay, this is what you're
17:07reading.
17:09Deal with it.
17:10Yeah.
17:10I don't have been hungry.
17:11What about the stereotypes of only kids that they're like a bit bratty and precocious,
17:17a bit weird, a bit maladjusted.
17:20Those, those were things that I feel like people said about only, only children when
17:24I was a kid.
17:25I'm, is there anything to it?
17:27I don't know.
17:28Isn't it too early?
17:29Like I don't, I don't have a sample size of four to five year old girls that I go, ah,
17:37Bino within that range is bratty.
17:39You're not bratty.
17:40I I've not seen, she doesn't throw tantrums.
17:43She doesn't shoplift.
17:44Is that what's something that a five year old does to like kind of express themselves?
17:48Cause they're upset.
17:49But I haven't seen it yet, but I think it is a fear going as she gets older, will those
17:56kinds of traits start showing themselves?
17:59And how do you deal with that?
18:01Because she's, I'm wrapped around her little finger.
18:04How do I kind of control that as she gets older and prevent her being bratty?
18:10Hopefully when her brother comes from, um, her mom's side, she understands that dynamic
18:17and then she'll just come and stay with me.
18:19And then she's like, oh, it's just rough over there, dad.
18:25But the reason, cause I think the research says that actually only children grow up to
18:30be just as well adjusted and normal as the rest of us, which is to say not much.
18:34And are there like that shift?
18:38I'm not sure.
18:39I didn't really know that many only children.
18:42Oh, it wasn't that common when we were kids.
18:44I think it's much more common now.
18:45Yeah.
18:45So I guess it's, and I think it does, it, it's financial and it's, I mean, I don't have
18:52the research in front of me, but it's people kind of dedicating themselves to their career
18:56for a longer period of time.
18:58Um, I was talking to somebody the other day saying, would you ever consider having kids?
19:03And the kind of answer was, I'd want to be financially stable.
19:07And I wonder when Bino was born, whether I felt financially stable or not.
19:13And so my answer would be, what's like, there's no right time to have a kid.
19:17No, you just have to figure it out.
19:18But maybe people are just thinking about that a little bit more now and going, no, when
19:22I've got X amount of thousands of dollars in the bank and I've got the mortgage paid off.
19:27So by the time there's 60.
19:28By the time there's 60, I'll be ready for kids.
19:30They can have a kid.
19:31Um, so I don't know.
19:33I think there is that just huge cultural shift in terms of not a nice to have, but
19:39it's like, when I can, I will.
19:41And can you?
19:43Can I?
19:44Let's talk about questions that this, this has kind of two sides to it.
19:49Questions we wished we had asked our parents or still have time to ask our parents, but
19:55those kinds of questions that we either fear or look forward to having our daughters ask
20:02us.
20:03And it's, I'll kick it off because I think mine, it doesn't live with me, but it's there.
20:11It's floating around.
20:12Um, daddy, why don't you live with mommy?
20:16Tricky.
20:17Yeah.
20:18What's the answer?
20:18Well, at the moment it's, well, daddy lives here and mommy lives over there with insert
20:25stepdad's name here.
20:28And that is her reality.
20:30And so she hasn't kind of jumped further into that.
20:37Um, but that day will come and it will, cause she'll understand how the world works and how
20:42marriages aren't successful and people split up and all this kind of thing.
20:47And I don't have an answer.
20:49I think I'd probably just go with honesty and I won't go into it here because it's probably
20:57not the platform.
20:58Um, but I think there's, there is that fear of, I mean, is she going to judge us?
21:04Is she going to be like, why aren't I like other?
21:08I don't know.
21:09I've not grown up in her.
21:10See, I don't think kids do judge though.
21:13Like my experience with the question, the inevitable question that will come for us
21:17is like, dad, why don't I have a mom?
21:22And the answer is like, well, very similar to yours.
21:26The answer is, well, you've got two dads who really love you and who really take care of
21:29you.
21:29And you have lots of other special women in your life, like your aunts and your grandma
21:33and even, uh, our surrogate and the egg donor who are still a part of our lives.
21:38That's a long list.
21:39Yeah.
21:39So like there's that answer, but there's still the fundamental question of like, I
21:43was not raised with a woman in my household, like a lot of the other friends that I go
21:48to daycare with.
21:49And I suppose she, she doesn't know any different.
21:52That's the thing.
21:52So that's her reality.
21:53She's grown up in this, she's grown up in this world and that's all she knows.
21:57And we've really made a very deliberate effort as well to find other kids who have two dads.
22:04And there's a few in the neighborhood who, cause I live in Sydney's inner west.
22:10So there's a few around, uh, and that's really helped, I think, but eventually the
22:16question, the deeper question will come, the, you know, why the, the, the why of it all.
22:21And I don't have a...
22:22Surely the schoolyard will sort that one out.
22:25I hope not.
22:27I hope I get to the before they do.
22:28And then you'll just have to detangle all of that.
22:30No.
22:30And it is, it's, uh, I, again, I don't know, they, they don't know any different.
22:35And you said you gravitated towards kind of similar families and similar structures.
22:40And I think I've done the same as well.
22:42Uh, but I think Bino gets the best of both worlds, if you like, because she has her mom
22:48in a stable, happy, healthy relationship.
22:51And then she has me that introduces her to, oh, there's also these kinds of families and
22:56don't they look happy?
22:58Um, so yeah.
23:01Tricky.
23:02Tricky.
23:03The, um, Time Magazine, uh, published a article about what dads wish their kids would ask
23:10them.
23:10Um, so now I'm going to ask you a few questions and say, um, if you want this to be
23:16asked,
23:17uh, dad, what scars do you have and what did you learn from them?
23:21Oh, I have several scars.
23:23Yeah.
23:23Yeah.
23:24I have a very big one on my thigh.
23:25I can't show you, but it's about, it's about that big.
23:28Uh.
23:28That's funny that you've gone to physical scars.
23:31I was thinking about emotional ones.
23:33Emotional scars.
23:33Yeah.
23:33Yeah.
23:34That's a real Rorschach test.
23:35That is it.
23:35Yes, it is a Rorschach test.
23:37You know, inkblot thing.
23:38Oh yeah.
23:39I've never done one of those.
23:39I've always been curious.
23:41Um, how'd you get your scar?
23:43Rusty edge of a trailer.
23:45Uh, and dad was looking after me at the time and he went next door and, uh, to get our
23:53neighbor who was like a nurse and she was too scared to come out.
23:56She wouldn't help.
23:57Um, and then I fell asleep in the ambulance apparently.
23:59Oh, lovely.
24:00But no, I've got scars.
24:01I've got plenty of scars.
24:01I've got two on my head, both given to me by my sister.
24:03One where she pushed me over and I hit the head, hit the corner of a wall and another
24:07one at the front where she was doing a handstand and she came down and kicked me right there.
24:09Are you using this podcast as a platform to kind of call out your sister?
24:13Yeah, just, it's about time she was brought down a baby too.
24:15Um, scars, like I'll, I'll, you've done physical, I'll do emotional.
24:19Go on then.
24:24You really, I think this is therapy.
24:25Yeah, no, I think it is therapy and it may be something that will benefit somebody else,
24:30you know, a shared experience.
24:32Um, look, there's been a few and I think I won't go into specifics because apparently
24:38my brain has just blotted them all out.
24:42But I think the learning from scars or traumatic experiences, being able to then see if, you
24:51know, goes through something similar, being able to kind of take from my experience and
24:55go, Hey, this is how I can support you.
24:57Breakups like that, like emotionally, the most vile thing in the world, divorce relationships
25:05of any kind and heaven forbid, being however goes through it, but I will now be able to
25:13go, even if it's, uh, she's 12 and the little crush that she has doesn't like her or whatever
25:20it might be, I'll be able to relate to that.
25:23And so all of the trauma that we've been through in our lives, we get to go, Hey, that's okay.
25:30And this is how you deal with it.
25:32Yeah.
25:32Yeah.
25:33That we teach them to handle things better than we did.
25:35That got deep, bro.
25:36Mm.
25:37Um, what were you like when you were my age?
25:40You, you are my age.
25:41Uh.
25:42Were you the same age?
25:43I don't know if I thought so.
25:44Roughly?
25:44I don't know.
25:46Conversation for another time.
25:49Uh, do you remember when you were like three or four?
25:52Not really.
25:52No.
25:53What's the kind of age where memories start?
25:56Five?
25:56Yes.
25:57Yeah.
25:57I have no recollection.
25:58So I'd be like, Bino, I have no idea.
26:01Isn't it weird to think like I have a three-year-old, you have a four-year-old.
26:04They still might not remember any of the stuff we're doing for them right now.
26:06Which is the argument going, why are we spending so much money on these?
26:10Why even bother?
26:11Disney on ice.
26:12Love Disney on ice.
26:13But $75 for an Elsa wand.
26:17Oh, gee.
26:18And it still flashes and I've changed the battery and it's fine.
26:21But yeah, she might not remember that.
26:23So what is the point?
26:24Well, exactly.
26:25What a waste of time.
26:25But there was, there was this beautiful moment of just sitting next to her.
26:29Cause like, I just find the whole idea of people singing in costume and ice skating
26:33being a bit odd, but just looking at Bino and going, oh, she loved this.
26:37So maybe it's not the exact, like the memories exactly, but it's the.
26:41The feeling.
26:42The feeling.
26:42And the, yeah, the emotions that she experienced.
26:46Have you been asked yet about death?
26:50Huh.
26:51So.
26:53We have, um, we have fish.
26:56Yep.
26:57Classic.
26:58Classic.
26:58Yeah.
26:59Well, I said to Bino, hey, uh, I was feeling a bit weak at the time,
27:03apparently I was like, do you want a dog?
27:04No.
27:05Do you want a cat?
27:05No.
27:06Do you want fish?
27:06Yeah.
27:07And so we went.
27:08What a weird kid.
27:08I know.
27:09I loved it though.
27:10Um, can you imagine if I had a dog right now?
27:12Oh, chaos.
27:13Um, we went and got the aquarium, all the things, got plaidies.
27:17Great.
27:18Put them in there.
27:19I didn't realize at the time that of the five fish that we got, one only had one eye.
27:25Oh.
27:25And I was like, well, he's not got long.
27:27And so it started like swimming slowly and it's like, oh dear.
27:31Yeah, um, it died.
27:34How, how long after entering the tank?
27:37A week.
27:38Oh yeah.
27:39No, it was rough.
27:40That's a 20% more.
27:41So we, we got the, um, we got the net and we, we have a little, um, dirt patch on
27:46our balcony.
27:47It could be a garden, but I don't know how to garden, uh, dirt patch.
27:51So we buried it.
27:52Uh huh.
27:53I was like, do you want to say any words?
27:54You didn't flush it?
27:55No, buried it.
27:56Still out there?
27:56Yeah.
27:57Oh yeah.
27:58Yeah.
27:59Okay.
27:59Um, I was like, do you want to say any words?
28:00And she's like, no, you do it.
28:01And I was like, okay, thank you fish.
28:03I think it was called like big brother or little sister or something like that.
28:06Thank you, little sister.
28:07You're a great fish.
28:09Get on with our day.
28:10Bita goes to bed.
28:11We wake up the next morning.
28:13Uh oh.
28:13She comes out.
28:14It's like, I hope little brother's having a good time.
28:16Billy garden.
28:17And, and so, and cause we'd had the conversation about, well, no, it's, I don't think I said
28:22it's gone because like, maybe I'm a little bit scared to go, death is coming for you.
28:27But it's, so she didn't quite get that concept, but she does kind of bring up the question every
28:34now and then.
28:34And my kind of go-to answer is it depends what you believe.
28:39Some people believe you come back as an animal.
28:42Some people believe you go up into the sky.
28:44Some people believe it ends.
28:46No, I don't.
28:47I've not gone that far.
28:48My parents, uh, beautiful little old dog, Bonnie recently shuffled off this mortal coil.
28:55Uh, I don't know.
28:56I'm smart.
28:57And is that funny to you?
28:59And really, obviously knew Bonnie, loved Bonnie and Bonnie's no longer around.
29:04And she has asked some questions.
29:06It's there.
29:07It's floating in the ether.
29:08You can see she's trying to connect the dots.
29:10She also had a friend at daycare who I think recently lost a bit of a relative.
29:13So that friend has been talking about it and thinking about it a bit.
29:17Why are you laughing at this?
29:18It's a way you said a bit of a relative.
29:20A bit.
29:21So we've, we've lost grandma's hand.
29:23I don't know the details.
29:24I don't know the details.
29:25It's not important here.
29:27Um, so it's around and I've just avoided it so far, but at some point we are going to
29:33have to have the question.
29:33But also I don't remember having that conversation with my parents.
29:36I just remember having to figure it out myself at some point, but maybe I did.
29:40I don't know.
29:40Well, I don't want to be lazy and go, the schoolyard will sort it out, but maybe the schoolyard
29:45will sort it out.
29:46Um, and I think what this kind of brings up for me is me not going into the specifics
29:52of death.
29:54Like that is obviously me trying to protect my daughter from like, cause death is scary.
29:59And it's a big concept as well for a new brain to try to, you know.
30:02And so it's protection versus honesty.
30:06And the quote from Finding Nemo comes to mind, uh, where I think Marlon Nemo's dad says, I'll
30:14never let anything happen to you.
30:16And then Dory, they're in like the whale's mouth and Dory's like, but if you don't let
30:20anything happen to her, nothing will ever happen.
30:22I don't know why I put on an American accent, but it is that kind of, my role is to
30:28kind
30:29of raise this child, but the world is going to intervene from time to time.
30:33So I can't homeschool her or say death is real and like the fish is in fish heaven and
30:39blah, blah, blah.
30:40And Santa Claus, when do you break the bat?
30:42Oh my God.
30:43Um, but what does that bring up for you in terms of, are you, do you think you're overly
30:48protective or do you think you're kind of going with the flow?
30:52I think I'm probably a coward.
30:57That was very brave of you.
30:58I'm cowardly of you to say.
31:00I think I'm probably a coward, uh, who doesn't want to have these difficult conversations.
31:03So in my mind, I convinced myself I'm protecting her by not having the conversation yet.
31:08As if there'll be a point at, at some point in the future where it'll be like, well, today's
31:12the day to talk about death.
31:13But of course that will never come until.
31:16Well, cause it's funny you say that cause I was about to say exactly the same thing.
31:18It was like, okay, we'll deal with it one day at a time.
31:21But it has to, what it really has to.
31:23It'll happen with.
31:23Um, but yeah, look, not looking forward to those kinds of conversations, but I'll be
31:28there.
31:29I'll be present and we'll see how they go.
31:30Anyway, listeners, write in, tell us what you think happens when you die.
31:33Yeah, no, good.
31:35Rob, we started with dad jokes and we finished on death.
31:39Beautiful.
31:40That's what we offer here, daddies.
31:41The full spectrum of emotion.
31:42Yes, we've done very well.
31:44Well, thank you very much for listening.
31:45Uh, if you've enjoyed the show, please like, please subscribe, please comment, please tell
31:50us what you think happens after we die.
31:51Yeah, we'll answer that.
31:52Yeah.
31:53We'll read all the comments.
31:54We're a community here.
31:55We'll give you all the answers.
31:56Yeah.
31:56I've been Marcus.
31:57I've been Rob.
31:58Um, we've been daddies.
31:59And you've been great.
32:00You've been what?
32:01Great.
32:02Yeah, you've been great.
32:03Yeah.