- 2 hours ago
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00:00This will be my most exciting lighting display ever.
00:04The guys at the power plant will be working overtime for this bad boy, huh?
00:07You might want to read this flyer.
00:09It's found in the mailbox.
00:11It's from the lighting contest committee.
00:14Because certain rooftop displays have continually exceeded the bounds of prudent energy consumption and good taste,
00:20this year's lighting contest will be strictly regulated?
00:24They're pulling the plug on you, Dad.
00:27What makes you think this has anything to do with me?
00:29Because it says right here, to be referred to henceforth as the Tim Taylor Closs.
00:36This is bunk.
00:38This is bunk.
00:39Come on.
00:40Electricity is limited to two 20-amp breakers.
00:42Who can work with that?
00:43No bulbs over 25 watts?
00:45Ha, ha.
00:47Maximum height of elves three feet.
00:49What kind of elf is three foot tall?
00:53Yeah, well, this one's going to kill you.
00:54Nativity scenes may include only characters specifically mentioned in the Bible.
01:00Which means no more three stooges.
01:04Those were the three wise men.
01:06Oh, really?
01:07Then why were they poking each other in the eye?
01:09To break up the trip.
01:28Huh?
01:30Huh?
01:31Huh?
02:06What does that smell?
02:08I'm making this special Christmas cake.
02:10It's really cool.
02:11It's got pineapple and mangoes and papaya.
02:14It's a fruit cake.
02:16Everybody hates fruit cake.
02:17I know that.
02:18This is not a fruit cake.
02:19This is a Christmas cake with fruit.
02:24Cake with fruit.
02:26Reverse that.
02:27Fruit cake.
02:28Hey, don't take it on me just because the neighborhood put the kibosh on your life.
02:32I didn't display.
02:34You say kibosh.
02:36I say pish-tosh.
02:39I got Wilson to be my partner.
02:40Oh, is he going to help you do the roof?
02:42No, no.
02:42He's going to give me two 20F circuits.
02:44See, he's not decorating his roof.
02:45So I get his allotment of electricity, right?
02:47It means I get more wattage.
02:49It means I can make elves the size of Shaquille O'Neal.
02:53I can't believe that Wilson would go along with us after reading that flyer they sent us.
02:57I'm not sure you read it.
03:00Who are the boys?
03:01I need some help.
03:02They're still picking up Mom from the airport.
03:03Listen, when she gets here, I want you to be extra nice to her.
03:09Oh, now you tell me.
03:10I just short-sheeted her bed.
03:13No, you know, I want this to be a really great holiday for her.
03:17It's the first one since Dad died, and she's bound to be a little depressed.
03:21Hey, anything left with spirits would be the new lighting display.
03:24Guess who's bearing frankincense this year?
03:32Come here, I want you to see this.
03:34Look.
03:37Wow.
03:38Yeah.
03:38That's your Mom and Dad at their wedding.
03:40I found it in the house after the funeral, so I had it restored.
03:43I'm going to give it to her for Christmas.
03:45What do you think?
03:45You did a really nice job restoring this.
03:47They were actually able to airbrush a smile over your dad's scowl.
03:50No, that's a real smile.
03:53You said he never smiled at their wedding.
03:55No, no, no.
03:55He never smiled at our wedding.
04:00Oh, it's you.
04:02Oh, Merry Christmas.
04:03Merry Christmas, Lillian.
04:04How are you?
04:04Oh, it's good to see you.
04:06Hi, Mom.
04:07Hello.
04:07Can you take your coat?
04:07Oh, it's a good to see you.
04:09Christmas, I love your hair.
04:11Oh, thanks.
04:11You look gorgeous.
04:12It's so cute.
04:13So how was the trip back with Brad from the airport?
04:16Well, it was a lot less scary than when I ride with Tim.
04:21I never knew Detroit had stop signs.
04:25Roundish red things, yeah.
04:26I've seen them.
04:29Oh, Jim.
04:31The tree looks beautiful.
04:32Oh, yes, it does, doesn't it?
04:34Well, except for this spark plug here.
04:39That's right.
04:40Every year, Tim sneaks auto parts onto the tree.
04:45And on Easter, we have a muffler hunt.
04:49Mom, there's a present that I want you to open while we're alone.
04:53Oh, no, no, no, it's not Christmas yet.
04:55No, no, no, this one's kind of personal, and I want you to open it while there's not a lot
05:00of other people around.
05:01Speaking of having other people around, there's something I need to ask you.
05:05Would you mind if I invited a friend to join us for Christmas?
05:09Oh, a friend?
05:10He's really very nice.
05:13He?
05:14His name is Parker, and he's an engineer, and he's going to be visiting people in Detroit during the holidays.
05:22Uh, Mom, what are you saying?
05:24You're saying you're seeing someone, like, dating?
05:28Well, I guess that's what you would call it.
05:30We've been going out together for a couple of months, and I really like him.
05:33And would it be all right if he joined us?
05:36Oh, yeah, sure.
05:37It's fine.
05:38It's great.
05:38Whatever's going to make your Christmas good for you.
05:40Oh, I can't tell you how happy that makes me.
05:43I was a little nervous about telling you.
05:44Oh, well, now you've told me, and now I know, so there's nothing for anybody to be nervous about.
05:50Oh, let me show you his picture.
05:52I brought a picture along with you.
05:56Here it is.
06:00He has a ducktail, and you're wearing a poodle skirt.
06:04Yes, it was 50s night at Karaoke Pete's Tandoori Kitchen.
06:09Oh.
06:10Parker doesn't mean blue suede shoes.
06:14I see he's wearing some.
06:17He's just a wild man.
06:20Now, how about that Christmas present?
06:24Oh, you know, now that I look at this, this isn't the right one.
06:28I've just got to look for it and give it to you later.
06:30Oh, all right.
06:31I'm going to call Parker and tell him that he's invited.
06:35I can't wait for you to meet him.
06:36Me too.
06:40Look at this.
06:41Partridge and a pear tree.
06:53Tim.
06:58Mom just told me that she's bringing a date for Christmas.
07:03Well, why don't you bring a whole box of dates?
07:04You can put them in your Christmas camp.
07:07Come here.
07:09His name is Parker.
07:10She's been seeing him for a couple of months.
07:13Wow.
07:15That's kind of soon.
07:16I mean, how do you feel about that?
07:18Well, I was in shock.
07:20I mean, I'm starting to give her this photo of her and Dad, and then she starts talking about this
07:25other man, and I didn't feel like I could give it to her.
07:28Do you think I'm overreacting?
07:29No, no, no, no.
07:30I think you're taking this very well.
07:32My mom waited 30 years to start a date, and I still think it's too soon.
07:37Well, it's obviously a little awkward for me, but it's not about me.
07:40So, I'm just going to be supportive, and when Parker gets here, we're going to be really hospitable.
07:43Heck, it'll be easy for me.
07:45He's not shacking up with my mom.
07:53Whatever I can do to help.
07:57Mr. Parker, here's my problem.
07:59Even with Wilson's allotment of electricity, I still can't get these mechanical things to work properly.
08:07If I'm reading this right, this doesn't say anything about voltage.
08:10Huh?
08:11You can use a 220-volt line for your appliances instead of a standard 110.
08:15It takes the same 20-amp breaker, but doubles your power.
08:19Yeah, double your power, double your fun.
08:21Ah, ah, ah.
08:23Little drug.
08:27Would you like to know where Parker and I met?
08:30Uh-huh, okay.
08:32In the frozen vegetable section of the supermarket.
08:37Nothing says romance like a bag of frozen succotash.
08:42Oh, we chatted a little more in paper goods, and ended up exchanging life stories in pet food.
08:49By the time you got to check out, you were an item?
08:53Well, it didn't go quite like that.
08:56You want to know what we did on our first date?
08:59Yeah, sure.
09:03Parker took me dancing.
09:05I thought you hated dancing.
09:07No.
09:08Well, it was your father who didn't care for it.
09:13Do you and Parker go dancing a lot?
09:15Every Saturday night.
09:17And a couple of weeks ago, he took me to a square dance festival in Austin.
09:21You drove up for the day?
09:23Well, actually, we made a weekend of it.
09:29It's a great idea.
09:30I'll just run a line from the garage.
09:32Parker's great.
09:33He figured a way to get more electricity without breaking the rules.
09:35This guy's sneaky.
09:36I like him.
09:37You look pretty sneaky yourself.
09:39You figured out how to use a motor from your dryer.
09:45You're taking apart our dryer.
09:47I'm taking apart the dryer for you.
09:51It's for the holidays.
09:52You won't have to do laundry until way into the new year.
09:55Guess what, though.
09:56Tim asked me to come to tool time.
09:58Oh, that's wonderful.
10:00Now, just remember, if Tim uses words like tweaked and souped up and uh-oh, you run like hell.
10:08Well, if we're going to meet the Johnsons for dinner, we'd better get going.
10:10Oh, they're Parker's oldest friends in the world.
10:14I'm a little nervous about meeting them.
10:16They're going to love you.
10:18Oh.
10:19How could they not?
10:20Wait.
10:21What time are you going to be home?
10:22Oh, you don't have to wait up, honey.
10:24I have my keys.
10:26See you later.
10:27Have fun.
10:27Bye.
10:31Parker's a great guy.
10:33Hey.
10:34How would you feel about him becoming part of the family?
10:48You feel pretty good for a girl.
10:53What do you got against Keith Partridge?
10:55He's not dating your mother.
10:59I just, I can't believe the way that she's acting.
11:02I mean, it's like dad never even existed in the way.
11:05She goes on and on about her tawdry square dancing weekend.
11:08It was just square dancing, honey.
11:10I could just see the two of them do-si-do-ing around naked.
11:19I could just see the two of them do-si-do-ing around naked.
11:22It gives new meaning to the words, grab your partner.
11:27I mean, you, you, you, you're going out of your way to be chummy with him.
11:31I'm being hospitable because you, you, you asked me to.
11:36You asked him to come to tool time.
11:38You never once asked my father to come to tool time.
11:40Your father hated tool time.
11:43I asked him to go, he would never go.
11:44He said I'd rather watch the test pattern.
11:47Well, how come you never took any of my father's suggestions about the Christmas lights?
11:50Jill, your father never gave me suggestions.
11:52He gave me orders.
11:54Okay, yeah, he was gruff, he was a very difficult person, but that doesn't make this any easier.
12:00It seems like Mom's happier with Parker than she ever was with Dad.
12:03That's not the case.
12:04It's just because it's a new relationship.
12:06Honey, please.
12:06I ought to talk to Mom about this whole thing, the way I feel.
12:09No, no, no, don't.
12:10Why not?
12:12It's Christmas time.
12:13It's, it's no time to tell people how you feel.
12:21Does everybody know what time it is?
12:24That's right.
12:25Binford Tools is proud to present, Tim the Tool Man, Taylor.
12:34Wow, what a good audience.
12:35Good for you.
12:36Thank you, Heidi.
12:37Welcome to Tool Time.
12:39I am Tim the Yule Man, Taylor.
12:43Of course, you all know my assistant, Al Borland.
12:49Well, it's almost Christmas.
12:50And Christmas is a time for giving.
12:53Right.
12:54And if you're last-minute shoppers, the old tool man here has got a nice selection of last-minute gift
12:58ideas.
12:58And to start us off, we have the Binford 6100 Sleep Enhancer.
13:03It's for you guys who just can't drift off to sleep.
13:05Now you've got a machine that produces sounds and will help you to deep, deep sleep.
13:08Yeah, that's right.
13:08We have primeval forest, babbling brook.
13:11Boring, boring.
13:12I like this one.
13:18Indy car's going 220 miles an hour.
13:24All right, well, what do we have next?
13:25Oh, I have a big surprise for both of you.
13:27Be right back.
13:28Well, in the meantime, why don't we take a look at some stocking stuffers from Binford.
13:32This year's saying Merry Christmas with how-to videos starring Tim and Al.
13:37That's right.
13:38Show your loved ones how to get rid of that annoying hum from lights in silence of the lamps.
13:47And learn when to use nails instead of adhesives in glueless.
13:52And my personal favorite, the nutty compressor.
13:58They love this one in France.
14:02And Tim has one more gift to show us.
14:04He said it was a red wagon.
14:06Well, now, what would a grown man want with a little red wagon?
14:29Listen, what are you doing?
14:31Well, I'm trying to black out my window so I can finally get some sleep.
14:36Insomnia?
14:37No, no, no.
14:38Tim-somnia.
14:40Here they go!
14:48Do not look directly into the Jesus.
14:55How about your present?
14:56Oh, my goodness.
14:58Oh, boy, that's heavy.
15:02Jill, is it fruitcake?
15:04No, it's not a fruitcake.
15:05It's a Christmas cake.
15:07It's made with mangoes and papayas and...
15:09Oh, hell, it's a fruitcake!
15:10It's a fruitcake!
15:11Fruitcake!
15:11Fruitcake!
15:15I'm sorry.
15:15I'm just kind of upset about this whole thing with my mother and her new boyfriend.
15:20Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
15:22Tim says that I should wait till after the holidays to talk to her about it, but, you
15:25know, I'm acting so crazy, I'm... I'm throwing baked goods at Keith Partridge.
15:31I don't know, what do you think?
15:33Well, he's no Greg Brady, but...
15:35No.
15:37I mean, what do you think about whether I should talk to her?
15:40Well, I agree with the poet William Blake, who said I was angry with my friend.
15:45And I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
15:48Yeah, but if I talk to her, it could ruin her Christmas.
15:51But if you don't talk to her, it could ruin everybody else's.
15:54Hey, Will, someone show you to stay on his sleigh!
15:56Not right now, Tim!
15:57Just take a minute!
15:58No, just a couple of minutes, please!
15:59I want to show it to you!
16:00What if I say the wrong thing and she gets hurt?
16:03Well, she won't if you just express yourself in a sensitive and a tactful way.
16:14Tim, will you keep your freaking Santa out of my yard?
16:27Merry Christmas, honey.
16:29Oh, Merry Christmas, Mom.
16:30I told Parker to come over around nine, if that's not too early.
16:35Fine.
16:37Jeff, are you feeling okay?
16:38You seemed a little quiet last night.
16:42Mom, I had to talk to you about something.
16:44Um, I hope that you don't hate me for saying this, but I am uncomfortable with you dating.
16:53Oh, I see.
16:54It doesn't have anything to do with Parker.
16:56He's a great guy.
16:56It's just so soon after Dad's death.
16:59Well, now, it seems soon to me, too.
17:02And that's why when Parker first asked me out in the grocery store, I said no.
17:06I thought it would be disrespectful to the memory of your father.
17:10So you waited till you got to the parking lot?
17:16For your information, I turned Parker down for weeks.
17:19I spent a lot of sleepless nights feeling guilty for even considering going out with him.
17:24Well, Mom, that's what you should feel.
17:26I mean, you were married to Dad for 50 years.
17:28It was 51 years.
17:30And seven months.
17:31And I don't need you to tell me how I should feel.
17:33Well, excuse me.
17:34I'm having some trouble having to see you with another man, okay?
17:37It just seems like, I don't know, it's like Dad has just been replaced.
17:42Replaced?
17:45Jill.
17:46You know, your father could never be replaced.
17:53I mean, he's still so much a part of my life that it takes everything I've got to let someone
17:58else in.
18:00I'm sorry, Mom.
18:02I'm like, I just, I hadn't anticipated, you know, how hard it would be for me to not have Dad
18:08here for Christmas.
18:09But it's hard for me, too.
18:12I mean, as much as I'm trying to move on with my life, it, not having him around just tears
18:18my heart out.
18:21Oh, you don't know how happy that makes me.
18:27Well, not happy.
18:29I don't, that sounded wrong.
18:30Oh, I know, I know.
18:32Oh, Mom.
18:34Oh, now, come on, now, come on.
18:36You remember when you girls were little and your father would get up early on Christmas morning and make his
18:41famous apple pancakes?
18:43Oh, yeah.
18:44And that's when he left the room, we fed him to the dog.
18:49Do you think that's what killed the dog?
18:53Well, it was sweet of him to do it for us, and nice of him to pass his cooking skills
18:58along to me.
19:02You remember when I told you about I wanted you to open that present?
19:05Oh, yes.
19:06Don't you do that now?
19:07Yes, thank you.
19:08Here you go.
19:11Oh, look at that.
19:12There's an air filter and a gas cap.
19:20Oh, Jill.
19:22I found it in your house, and I had it restored.
19:25Oh, it's beautiful.
19:28You were a beautiful bride.
19:31Look at that lovely alabaster skin.
19:34No, I was pale because I was stuffed into that dress so tight the blood couldn't get to my head.
19:40And, of course, Dad's uniform is perfect.
19:42Check out the sword.
19:44Well, that wasn't just for show, you know.
19:47What, are you going to tell me you could cut the cake with it?
19:50No, he used it to cut me out of that dress.
19:56All right, Dad, the judges are out front.
19:57Turn on your lights.
19:59All right, judges, you all ready?
20:01Everybody?
20:01Ready?
20:02One, two, three.
20:16Oh!
20:20Hey, Dad, your Santa bounced off three different carves.
20:25Look at the judge taking the lights.
20:27Well, we'll let you know when he regains consciousness.
20:32Christmas is over, my friend, and your wife might have got you a lot of stuff you didn't want.
20:35So what do you do?
20:37I say you exchange them for some how-to videos from Binford's new home video collection.
20:42Like this one, our newest Look Who's Caulking.
20:49The most important thing to remember when caulking is to get a smooth, even seal.
20:53I like to use a harbor seal.
20:55Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
20:58Right, Al?
20:58Well, I don't think so, Tim.
21:01Concentrate on the work, or there could be an accident.
21:04Actually, there's already been an accident.
21:08What?
21:10I never knew Detroit had stop signs.
21:14Those kind of octagonal red things?
21:16Yeah, yeah.
21:17Are those octagons?
21:21Are they octagonal?
21:23Well, I scared myself at that word.
21:28I never knew Detroit had stop signs.
21:31Ah, those octagonal red things.
21:35I never knew Detroit had stop signs.
21:39Well, those are those octagonal red things.
21:41I could not find a girl, but I thought that those are not going too hot.
21:41I don't know what you was saying.
21:41We'll have a little, for sure.
21:42Okay, so going back to them, I will have to give up an answer.