00:00Is this the North Pole?
00:01Yes, you've come straight through to the North Pole. How can I help you?
00:05Oh, wow. Is Father Christmas there?
00:07He's not right now. He's out at the minute.
00:10But is there anything I can help you with?
00:12Oh, I just wanted to check and see.
00:15Because I call him Father Christmas, I wanted to see if he was my real dad.
00:18Yes, of course he's your real dad.
00:20What?
00:21He's everybody's dad.
00:23Everybody's dad?
00:25Yes, in the whole wide world.
00:28Is it your dad?
00:30Yes, he's my dad as well.
00:33I'll introduce myself. My name's Tim. I'm your brother.
00:37Oh, hello, Tim. Lovely to meet you.
00:39Hi, OK.
00:41Yes.
00:42Right, do you have a finger?
00:47My Uncle Barry keeps saying that I'm not on the nice list this year.
00:53Can you just have a quick check and see if I am?
00:58OK, let me look.
01:24OK, let me look.
01:26Am I on the nice list?
01:26It's not looking good. Am I on the nice list?
01:29No, not this year. You've been a little bit naughty this year.
01:36You've actually been very naughty.
01:38Now, are you sure you're my... What do you mean I've not been...
01:40I've been nice. I've helped an old lady cross the road once.
01:45If you speak to me like that, you're going to be a monopulous next year as well.
01:50What is this not doing, my sister?
01:52Are you a real elf?
01:55Yes, of course, I'm the real elf. You're in the North Pole, for God's sake.
01:59Wow.
02:00Right, so my Uncle Barry's mate, Smackhead Steve, he would not do well with this phone call.
02:06Who?
02:07Smackhead Steve.
02:09Oh, gosh, no. We don't speak of him.
02:12Is he on the naughty list as well, yeah? He's on the bad list, isn't he?
02:17He's on the very, very bad list.
02:19Thought so. Thought so. That's because he sells little bags of sherbet.
02:23What do we do to get on the nice list, then?
02:27You'll need to be just a little bit kinder and make sure you say your please and your thank yous.
02:33Will you put me on the nice list, please?
02:36And then, are you writing me down?
02:39Yeah.
02:40Yeah.
02:41And you have to make sure that you shower. You've not been showering.
02:48You're the flippin' heck of you, right? I have been showering.
02:51You can't say I'm not been showering. I smell great.
02:56No, you've not been showering.
02:58These are the things that put you on the bad list.
03:01No, I've been showering, trust me. I've been showering.
03:04Because Santa Claus won't want to come to your house if it's smelly.
03:08He's not going to come anyway. My mum's in.
03:13Why? Is my mum on the bad list?
03:16Because my Uncle Boris says to her all the time, you're a naughty girl.
03:21That's why he says you're a naughty girl.
03:23He actually says, you're a naughty girl, you.
03:26That's what he says to my mum.
03:28So I'm just wondering, is my mum on the naughty list?
03:31And what can she do to get in the good list?
03:34No, your mum is on the nice list.
03:36How can that be? How can that be?
03:40I'm on the naughty list and my mum's on the good list.
03:43You don't get out of bed, the lazy pig.
03:45No, it's deep watching, Mother.
03:47Sure. Are you coming with Father Christmas to drop the presents off?
03:53Unless we see if I'm on the Christmas roll for this year.
03:56Oh, yes, I am.
03:57Right, stand by. When you come to my house, I'm not going to sleep.
04:00I'm going to fill you in.
04:04You're going to wish you weren't an elf.
04:07Trust me.
04:08You can't tell me that I'm on the bad list when I've been dead nice.
04:13Oh, no.
04:14No, you're not.
04:15Yes, you're on the bad list.
04:16And you're on the bad list for next year as well.
04:18I'm a very naughty bad list.
04:21Shut up.
04:22Why?
04:23Are the Easter bunnies better than Father Christmas anyway?
04:28Well, I doubt you'll be getting any mini eggs either.
04:31Shut up.
04:32Yes, I will.
04:34Yes, I will.
04:35I'll be getting loads of stuff.
04:37When you come, I'm going to tell Father Christmas you need to get sucked.
04:42Do it. I dare you.
04:44Dabble dame. Dabble dame. I'll do it. Dabble dame.
04:46Yes.
04:47And you're going to get a big sack of coal.
04:51I've got coal fire, so that's all right for me.
04:53Dabble dame.
04:53Dabble dame.
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