00:00The Communist Party that ruled the Soviet Union from 1917 to 1991 was like a controlling, unpredictable domestic tyrant.
00:09It claimed to love its people while demanding total devotion, endless attention and complete servitude.
00:18Haven't helped anyone who disappointed the Party. Escaping its wrath was nearly impossible.
00:25Here's a quick checklist of the skills and qualities you'd need to survive and maybe even thrive in the USSR.
00:38Dress like your boss, unless you are his secretary.
00:42If you are his secretary, aim for sexy but professional.
00:46You are expected to become his lover and your looks will earn him major points with his buddies.
00:52Blending in is your best bet.
00:55There are safety numbers and predators single out those who stand out from the herd.
01:00Even if you secretly disagree with the regime, act like a loyal supporter, just like everyone else.
01:08If you want to look important or intimidating, consider these options.
01:14Wear a uniform, military, police, pilot.
01:19This means you hold a significant position.
01:23Sport a shearling coat or leather jacket.
01:26This shows you have access to wealth.
01:30Drop hints that you have connections in the party, military, police, trade or academia.
01:35And make sure they actually exist.
01:38Get some prison tattoos and master criminal slang.
01:46Make lots of friends, but choose them carefully.
01:50A black market trader friend could be very profitable, but risky.
01:55The most dangerous people to associate with are foreign tourists, they might be spies,
02:01and dissidents who challenge the party.
02:05Make sure your kids get into university.
02:08For sons, it's a ticket out of mandatory military service.
02:12For daughters, it improves their chances of fighting a promising husband.
02:18And whatever you do, don't tell jokes about the party or its leaders.
02:23It's not worth the risk.
02:30Find a job where you can be useful.
02:33If you are a union official, you get to hand out free vacation vouchers.
02:38If you are a virologist, you can treat high-ranking officials who want to keep their conditions discreet.
02:46Find a patron.
02:53If you are a U.S.O.R.
02:54If you are a patron, you have a 5-10-11-12-13-18-18-10-13-2013.
03:00In return, these minions got cushy government positions and their own vassal kingdoms.
03:07If your patron moved up, you moved up with him.
03:11Master the art of impressive reports.
03:14In the USSR, it's not what you do, but how good it looks on paper that counts.
03:25Join the party.
03:26Without a party membership, you have no career prospects, unless you are an exceptionally
03:32talented ballet dancer or athlete.
03:34Learn how to give passionate speeches at party meetings while ensuring no one really knows
03:42what you're talking about.
03:43It's the safest way to show loyalty without actually saying anything risky.
03:49Always have a quote from Lenin or Marx-RĂ©ade.
03:52It's a lifesaver when you are at a loss for words.
04:00Don't mess with the KGB.
04:02They need impressive reports too, and they'll jump at anything or anyone that promises them
04:08an easy path to promotion.
04:10Don't fight the system.
04:12Don't depend on the system.
04:14And definitely, don't try to improve it.
04:16It's beyond saving right from the start.
04:24My name is Elvira Bari.
04:26I'm an warfare.
04:27And if today's episode made you smile, please give this video a thumbs up.
04:33Don't forget to leave.
04:36Don't forget to subscribe.
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