00:07So I was born in Lagos, Nigeria and moved here when I was six months old. My parents
00:12kind of raised my brother and I in a Western way. I'm very British, but a British Nigerian
00:18on a journey to understand the significance of my Nigerian heritage. I'm a hybrid British,
00:24very British, very Nigerian individual who holds very dearly to my culture and
00:31where I'm coming from. And you know to get married in a way that reflects that was
00:37always going to be very important to me.
00:44Your marriage is very much a marriage of two families and two families coming
00:51together represented by obviously the two individuals we're with.
00:54Traditionals tend to be very, very large. I still do want it to feel like
00:58it's a celebration of our love. I want it to feel personal.
01:12I went to the school where there was no Nigerians really at all. So being able to introduce a lot
01:18of our friends from different cultures to our culture, I'm really looking forward to.
01:22I'd love them to feel that sense of energy and fun, which we try to have as much of as
01:28a couple.
01:29I'm looking forward to the fun of the party. I think for me it's a celebration and it's very vibrant
01:33and it's very kind of beautiful.
01:42It's run very much by a master of ceremonies who's known as the Alaga.
01:46Well, there's one from each family. There's one from each family. And they always go around
01:49surrounded by the talking drummer. And it's very much their show, but obviously a show that's designed
01:55to kind of bring the two families together. They kind of perform kind of theatrical functions such
02:00as not allowing people to kind of come in until they pay money and basically kind of a very beautiful
02:07break into song where the talking drummer will be kind of playing along and they'll be singing songs.
02:21The big aspect is the music and the dancing. And if you spend a lot of money, you better dance
02:25well.
02:26And if you spend a lot of money on your traditional, you definitely have to dance well.
02:36There's an interesting part of Yoruba culture, which is called spraying, where you spray
02:43cash on the bride of the groom, parents of the bride of the groom.
02:47You have your girls who have got bags to collect the money. Yeah.
02:52So some people can collect a house deposit and spray money.
03:03Another thing I'm really looking forward to is food. So I absolutely love food.
03:08I think it's probably important to say that, you know, most Nigerian people,
03:14the only thing that they will remember is the traditional is the food.
03:18Whether they ate enough. The last thing you want people to be saying about your wedding
03:23is that they were hungry. Well, one, they were hungry and two, that the food wasn't good.
03:28Like that's like social, social suicide, basically.
03:43The families are represented by a color. So my family will have a color.
03:48Io's family will have a color. And I think I'm really looking forward to kind of,
03:52I guess, just seeing a sea of colors and seeing that merge together, but also our own personal
03:57outfit. So Ashokai is weave. The way it works as a couple would wear the same colored fabric.
04:04To symbolize, I guess, building a new family and togetherness. And then also your girls and your
04:10guys will wear traditional Nigerian clothing. I will have around 30 ladies who are my good friends
04:18who will be wearing my lace that I've chosen and my head ties.
04:26And for me, I'll have, I don't even know how many I have, probably around the same, maybe more.
04:33Air functions, dance, bring lots of money. It's helping me lie prostrate on the floor.
04:40It's one of the major acts of the, um, of the, um, ceremony is for me and my brother and
04:48my male
04:49cousins and for my friends to literally lie on the floor prostrate, literally on our stomachs,
04:55in front of Ruth's family, her parents, right, directly in front of her parents and all her
04:59extended family. Essentially the deal, the deal is sealed. And then Ruth is okay to kind of come in
05:06and we present it to her side and then obviously to my side.
05:09And so we're all dancing. They kind of like form a circle around me and then, yeah,
05:16I'm kind of revealed to, um, my groom and the whole audience. I think for me, what will be very
05:22emotional is when I go to sit with my parents, um, and have them pray for me because I'm very,
05:28I always say besides I own, my parents are my best friends. Um, so I think that's when it will
05:32kind
05:32of dawn on me that as much as I am excited about marriage, um, yeah, there's a feeling of like
05:38the sadness that that season of them kind of being my number one carers is over.
05:52Who's the traditional for, for us or for family? It's, it's definitely for the parents. Um, I think,
06:00you know, culturally the tradition was a bit like a graduation ceremony for the parents, you know,
06:06and yeah, it's not about us, even though it is about us.
06:20In Western culture, we can discount marriage very easily. And there's that sense of, you know,
06:24if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. And you move on and you get on with life. In
06:28Nigerian
06:29culture, marriage is seen as such a big thing, even though I say I'm not that traditional.
06:34Um, that aspect of our culture is something that I really appreciated.
06:40We are proud of our culture whilst understanding that you can hold where your parents are from,
06:46where you've been raised as kind of two sides of a coin.
06:53Thanks for watching World Wide Wed. Subscribe to Refinery29 to never miss an episode.
Comments