00:00Aww, look at that.
00:01Oh my goodness!
00:02So cute.
00:04Perfectly wrapped.
00:06Who's that from?
00:07Let's see.
00:08Aww!
00:10I know.
00:11I know.
00:12It's cute.
00:13It's beautiful.
00:14Oh my goodness.
00:16On my own, at Chelsea's baby shower.
00:21I can't believe I'm stuck here for four hours.
00:26I love my friend, a stellar mom she'll be.
00:32Their lives seem awesome, at least compared to me.
00:37Can we eat these?
00:38No, I want to eat them.
00:39They're babies, nice homes and yoga training.
00:44They're right on track, not looking back, and I don't own a TV.
00:51Because nowadays you don't even need one.
00:53Because if you have a laptop, TVs are too expensive and I don't have any money.
00:59I'll get some.
01:00Spelman, what are you talking about?
01:03Excuse me!
01:04Pardon me!
01:05Oh!
01:06Girl, I get it.
01:07You are just experiencing the existential crisis of falling victim to societal pressures.
01:16I'm the truth fairy.
01:18I bring the facts.
01:19Truth is baby showers make lots of women feel whack.
01:23Nobody's life is as perfect as it seems.
01:26You're not the only one having panic attacks.
01:33She's got major debt, kleptomaniac, a stalker.
01:36She's having an affair with her Brazilian dog, Walker.
01:40She just pooped her pants, addicted to porn.
01:43Her husband lost his job and he loves the band Korn.
01:46She's dying in her Jimmy Choo shoes, but no one's judging the shoes that you choose.
01:52You might be a sad sack, but a husband and a baby won't change that.
01:58Each and every one of us is lost in this crazy maze of life.
02:03But they have kids and I have cats.
02:06It does cause a mental strife.
02:08We all feel alone and we think that we're behind.
02:14Is there any more champagne?
02:15I need to drink myself blind.
02:18I'm cheating on my husband.
02:20My body's not my own.
02:21My nipples look like plates.
02:23I pretend I'm 22 when I go on Tinder dates.
02:25I've got acid-free clubs.
02:27Botox gave me vids.
02:28We all have to pay your taxes and take shit.
02:30I slept with my cousin.
02:34I think that we can all agree.
02:37I've got showy everyone kids and that's okay.
02:40Maybe showers can be intense.
02:42You should never feel alone.
02:45It's my shower and I can't even drink.
02:48I'm bored.
02:49Let's fail.
02:50Let's end.
02:51Let's freeze.
02:58Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
03:01What is going on here?
03:05Your grandmama traveled 270 miles just to be here for your baby shower.
03:12I'm so sorry.
03:12You're right, Debbie.
03:13And you miss know-it-all.
03:14Sorry, Ms. Pemberton.
03:15And you miss all about me.
03:17You want my gorgeous daughter-in-law to be paying for her own luxury shit rags?
03:22Let's just stick to the original message.
03:24Societal expectations should interact the way you live your life.
03:30So let's keep our head and tie.
03:41And don't forget.
03:43Send a thank you note.
03:45AHHHHH!
03:45AHHHHH!
03:46AHHHHHH!
03:46But by the time you find a day.
03:46So then
Comments