00:00Hello everybody! As my one million subscriber special I am going to show
00:04you what a day of my life as a comedy skit creator looks like. It's not what
00:08you think it is. Every day I plan to wake up at 8am but when the alarm rings I
00:13snooze it for three to five times. Then I wake up even more tired an hour later
00:18and contemplate for 30 minutes the meaning of life. Coming to the same
00:22conclusion every day that it is pointless, the hunger drives me out of bed.
00:26After a quick shower I go to the closest bakery and pray that they have good
00:30bread. Today fortune smiles upon us. Like a true millennial I feast on avocado toast
00:37and I sip a cappuccino without milk. After that it's time for poo poo business, an
00:42essential part of any creative process. Followed by a quick meditation session.
00:46I really wanted to work on a script today but it's kind of hot since I'm in Bali
00:50so I figured I better jump in the pool. I start procrastinating while watching the
00:55ants go about their business, the plants grow and try to imagine what life as a beetle
01:00would be like. But enough of this. Time to do something. After all the jokes don't
01:05write themselves. I open my laptop, get ready to work and immediately forget what I wanted
01:10to do because I have too many tabs open. Then in my usual productive fashion I check
01:16my YouTube analytics. Oh wow, one million subscribers? What a milestone. And yet I realize I feel exactly the same.
01:25No parade. No enlightenment. Just me sitting here trying to figure out if success is real
01:31or just another capitalist scam. But hey thank you anyway. Subscribe. Maybe 10 million will
01:37finally unlock some emotions. I don't know. And just like that it's already 1 p.m. and time for lunch.
01:43I grab some leftovers from the fridge and eat it with some more bread. Bread is life after all.
01:48Of course I ate too much. Like every day. Working is now physically impossible. Taking a nap is the only
01:54reasonable
01:54decision here. I wake up 10 minutes later having the same nightmare all Germans always have. Going
02:00to the mailbox and receiving a letter from the Finanzamt. Open up the Finanzamt is here. ScheiĆe!
02:07This day is going nowhere. If you can't motivate yourself it's best to get other people involved.
02:12So I asked my friend Alex if he wants to call out. Hey Alex. Alex, come film a video of
02:19me. I'm on vacation.
02:20Not today. I grab an old script I wrote weeks ago and set up the scene. Oh man. Why do
02:27I always have to get naked?
02:28This is stupid. I don't need to smile at it. Bro, don't leave me hanging. I wish one day I
02:34can work with professionals.
02:35I sit down and wonder if I better should have gotten a normal job. How long is this YouTube thing
02:40gonna work
02:41out anyway? But the second I picture myself in an office. Wearing a collared shirt. Answering emails.
02:45My survival instinct kicks in. Suddenly, BAM! A video idea strikes. I grab the nearest piece of paper
02:52and write the entire script down as fast as possible. Always write it down immediately. The biggest lie
02:57you can tell yourself is that you're gonna remember later. You won't. I feel pretty good about myself
03:02and decide to celebrate this accomplishment with a treat. So back to the bakery. Time for an eclair.
03:09I love eclairs. Eclairs are the fucking best. Walking down the street, I realize I should stop at a grocery
03:17store for breakfast supplies. Also, if I go now, I don't have to work anymore before dinner. A win-win.
03:23As always, I spend way too much time at a supermarket buying stuff I don't need, looking at stuff I
03:29won't buy.
03:30So it's already 6 pm and dinner time. I go to a nearby restaurant and check the menu. Nasi goreng,
03:36satay,
03:36some vegan bowl with quinoa that looks like it's judging me and realize they don't have schnitzels.
03:41No schnitzels? Unacceptable. In the next restaurant, they have schnitzels. But something is very off.
03:47All the people are smiling and being happy. They even gave me a flower when I arrived. This is too
03:52weird.
03:53Sorry, can I get takeaway please? Feeling the production anxiety kicking in, I force myself to edit.
03:58You never know how a video is gonna turn out until you're done editing. Sometimes something is funny
04:03in your head, but then it turns out to be total dog pull. Editing itself is an emotional roller coaster.
04:09First, I hate the rough cut. Then, I despise the fine cut. And by the time of the final cut,
04:14I can watch it without throwing up. Sometimes I even like it. Today's video, it's alright. It's not horrible,
04:21but also nothing to be proud of. Just like my home country. Even though the video didn't turn out as
04:26funny
04:26as I'd hoped it would be, I'm gonna publish it anyway. Because one, otherwise I would have wasted
04:30the last five hours. Second, because I need the money. And third, I'm German, so nobody expects me
04:36to be funny. I can only win. One of the better perks of being a YouTuber is that watching YouTube
04:43technically counts as work. So I do some research on trending topics. Thirty minutes in, I feel my brain
04:49melting away. Ninety percent of it is absolute garbage. Getting tens of millions of views.
04:56Even my worst videos are better than this. Maybe today's upload wasn't that bad after all.
05:01Everything is relative, I guess. Almost midnight. What a day. After getting ready for bed, I bend the
05:08knee to the algorithm god and pray for more views. After that, it's time to sleep and do the same
05:14thing
05:14all over again tomorrow. Good night and don't forget to leave a like.
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