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Desperate Housewives S06E10
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00:00Previously on Desperate Housewives...
00:02Orson's blackmailing me to stay with him.
00:04...to escape her marriage...
00:05Lamar Benjamin.
00:06You know my husband Orson from the state penitentiary.
00:09...Brie arranged her own blackmail...
00:12I don't want to fight anymore.
00:13...while a friendship...
00:15Oh.
00:15...hit the rocks...
00:16Lynette, you wanted to sue us.
00:18That proves that you are not my friend.
00:19Oh, my God.
00:20All right, calm down, all right?
00:21I'm not an idiot.
00:22I used a prepaid, and there's no way they're ever going to find him.
00:24I killed a man.
00:25...a desperate act...
00:27Danny?
00:27No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:29...led to a revelation...
00:31Would you like some juice, Danny?
00:33My name's Tyler.
00:36The whole time I was with you, all I thought about was Susan.
00:39...and a revelation...
00:40If you mean it, then please kill me.
00:43I don't care enough about you to kill you.
00:45...led to a desperate act...
00:47I need an ambulance right away.
00:49I'm losing a lot of blood.
00:59Daphne Bix was an unhappy woman, and no one knew this better than her husband.
01:07That's why he hired her to work with him.
01:10He thought it might cheer her up.
01:14But sadly, Jeff Bix soon discovered that it would take a lot more than a job...
01:20This coffee's cold.
01:21...to keep his wife from complaining.
01:26She complained from the moment they got up in the morning...
01:29Well, another sleepless night, thanks to your snoring.
01:32...till they were on their way home at the end of the day.
01:35You want to see if you can hit all the red lights?
01:40Things had gotten so bad, Jeff Bix began to wonder when God would end his suffering.
01:47Luckily for Jeff, God had a plan.
01:54You're unbelievable! You're so cheap!
01:56It's friggin' Christmas, for God's sake!
01:58I'm not buying you a new car.
02:00Trisha Reed's husband got her new car. It isn't even a holiday.
02:03He bought it for her because she beat cancer.
02:06You beat cancer, I'll buy you a car. Don't beat it, I'll buy you two.
02:10Why are we even together?
02:12The hot sex.
02:13You're cheap. Rude. You lack ambition.
02:17I should just dump your sorry ass.
02:19You want a gift? You want a gift? How about a divorce?
02:22Don't tempt me.
02:23I'm serious. I already got the name of a divorce attorney.
02:31You want a divorce?
02:32You got it.
02:33Yes, Virginia. There is a Santa Claus and he's giving me my balls back.
02:37Correction. One of them. I get half of everything.
02:40But not the business. I started that.
02:42With my father's money. So I get half and I'm selling it.
02:45Wait a minute. Let's talk about this.
02:48Uh-oh. So now you're scared?
02:49You be that vindictive. Destroy the one thing I love out of spite.
02:53Hello. Have we met? Of course I would. And I'm not stopping there.
02:57Bank accounts. Pension funds. Ooh. I'm gonna ruin you.
03:02Oh, what's the matter?
03:04I can't breathe.
03:05Nice try, big faker.
03:07No. My chest hurts like hell. Take the controls.
03:10What?
03:12You gotta land the plane.
03:16What? No! You piece of crap! You can't do this to me!
03:21And that is how the unhappy marriage of Jeff and Daphne Bix ended.
03:27In a plane losing altitude right above a cul-de-sac.
03:34Hey, is it just me? Or is that plane flying really low?
03:38By the name of Wisteria Lane.
03:42Dad, I think it's gonna crash.
03:59The best Christmas ever.
04:03That's what the residents of Wisteria Lane were dreaming of
04:07as they prepared for their annual Yuletide Festival.
04:11So they hung up a banner.
04:14Brought out their candy canes.
04:18And put up Santa's workshop.
04:21As eager as children for the holiday to begin.
04:24Of course, some were more childish than others.
04:30Look at this mess. It's like Santa's colon.
04:35That's funny. Did you hear that?
04:38Hilarious. Almost as funny as when Orson said it last year.
04:45Okay. How about some Christmas music?
04:47Parker, you got that sound system fixed?
04:51Almost.
04:52Do we really want the kid working with electricity?
04:55He can't even get the newspaper on my porch.
05:02You're clumping.
05:07Hey, what is going on with you two?
05:09I don't want to get into it.
05:11Well, whatever it is, you need to work it out.
05:12We are caroling at the festival on Saturday,
05:14and we can't have two of our jingle bells fighting.
05:17You know, if you need a replacement,
05:18I've been told that I have a dusky alto.
05:20No way.
05:22Girls only were the jingle bells, not the jingle balls.
05:26Shouldn't you be out stealing the last can of Who hash?
05:29You want to see me go all Grinch on your ass?
05:33To be honest, Bree,
05:34I don't think I'm going to be able to sing with Lynette after she...
05:37After she...
05:37What? Are you about to trash me?
05:39I have way too much glass to trash you,
05:41no matter how much you deserve it.
05:43Merry Christmas to me.
05:44What did she do?
05:47She's suing Carlos.
05:48You're suing him?
05:49Because he fired me.
05:51He fired her?
05:52Because she lied about being pregnant.
05:53You're pregnant?
05:54With twins.
05:55You knew?
05:56I told her to keep it quiet.
05:58Congratulations.
05:59Sure take her side.
06:01She's not.
06:03Stop fighting.
06:04I mean, with all we've been through lately,
06:06Julie being attacked, Danny Boland's overdose,
06:08we really need some Christmas spirit around here.
06:12Susan's right.
06:14This is the time we should come together
06:16and celebrate peace on Earth
06:18and goodwill towards men and...
06:26Oh, crap.
06:28Who's dead now?
06:32Hey, what's going on?
06:34Something's happened to Catherine.
06:38Oh, my God, I was just there five minutes ago.
06:40Was she okay?
06:41Well, she was really upset.
06:43I hope she didn't do something to herself.
06:47Hey, you're not gonna believe this,
06:49but I just heard the cops say
06:50that someone stabbed Catherine right in the gut.
06:52What?
06:52Who would do that?
07:00You've got to be kidding me.
07:06Hey, there.
07:07How you feeling?
07:09A little hungry.
07:11That's because they pumped your stomach.
07:14But if you want, Tyler,
07:16I can have them bring you some soup.
07:19Why did you just call me that?
07:21You told me to last night.
07:22No, I didn't.
07:23Yes, you did.
07:24Twice.
07:25You were still a little groggy,
07:26but you definitely said your name was Tyler.
07:28Maybe I was dreaming.
07:34My name's Danny.
07:37You okay.
07:41Can I see my mom?
07:45Please?
07:46I'm sorry.
07:46Not while you're under observation.
07:50I'll have someone bring you that soup.
07:52Danny.
07:56I don't get this.
07:57We gave you a check to cover the ambulance
07:59and everything else so far.
08:00I know,
08:01but we still need your insurance information,
08:03Mr. Bolin.
08:04It's hospital policy.
08:05Like us not being able to see our kid.
08:07So you have two stupid policies.
08:08There could be some unforeseen expenses.
08:11Tests we may have to run.
08:13If you don't have insurance,
08:14there are government programs.
08:16If you could just give me your information.
08:18No!
08:18We don't need a handout!
08:20We have cash.
08:21Thank you, though.
08:23Gail?
08:24Can I speak with the Bolins?
08:29I know what's going on.
08:32What do you mean?
08:34I knew something was up the moment you moved onto the lane.
08:38I mean,
08:39you never talk about your past.
08:41But we're private people.
08:42Is there a law against that?
08:44Having no insurance,
08:46wanting to pay cash for everything,
08:47having a son who can't remember if his name is Danny or Tyler.
08:53Where are you going with all this, Mona?
08:57You're in the witness protection program, aren't you?
09:02Huh.
09:05You are one short cookie.
09:10How'd you figure it out?
09:12Honestly,
09:13once I noticed you were Italian,
09:14I just kind of went from there.
09:17No offense.
09:19None taken.
09:21I can't believe I'm right.
09:23So,
09:24what went down?
09:25You witnessed a hit?
09:27Did you rat on one of the five families?
09:29We, uh,
09:30we can't talk about it, Mama.
09:33And neither can you.
09:35To anybody.
09:37Of course not.
09:38Because if you do say anything,
09:42we're gonna have to have you whacked.
10:02Mmm.
10:05Any more news about Mike and Catherine?
10:07No.
10:08But I'm sure he'll be exonerated.
10:11Mike could never do something that awful.
10:13That's my Brie.
10:15Always seeing the good in people.
10:17Yes.
10:20Well, um...
10:23Forgive me
10:24for starting your day on a sour note,
10:26but I filed for divorce.
10:28Here are the papers,
10:29and if you try to stop me,
10:31your parole officer will see these.
10:36Consorting with a known felon is a parole violation.
10:39If you send me to jail for fraud,
10:41you're going with me.
10:42It's over, Orson.
10:48This must have been quite a project for you.
10:52Finding Lamar, setting up the camera.
10:55Sorry to put you through so much needless trouble.
10:57I would hardly say needless.
11:00Without these, you'd still have a gun to my head.
11:03Do you really think I would send you to jail?
11:06It's what you've been threatening.
11:07I was pluffing, Brie.
11:09Right from the start.
11:11I could never hurt you that badly, no matter what.
11:16You didn't need these.
11:18You could have called my bluff and walked away any time.
11:25Suppose the fact that you did believe me,
11:27that you actually thought I'd destroy you,
11:29just out of spite.
11:30That alone should have told me it was over.
11:36I will pack after breakfast.
11:42For what it's worth, I'm sorry it had to end this way.
11:46Me too.
11:52These scones you made are delicious.
11:56I'll miss them.
12:10Here's Catherine Drume.
12:11Now, you might hear some screams for help in there.
12:13Ignore them.
12:14Is this what you meant by I'll behave calmly and rationally?
12:18That was just to get you to unlock the car door.
12:20Susan, you gotta go in there and be Catherine Mayfair's best friend,
12:23because she could put Mike away for a very long time.
12:25I know.
12:26I know.
12:29Might help if you give her these.
12:31Good idea.
12:32She pisses me off.
12:33I can crack the vase over her head.
12:43No, Dylan.
12:44The police have everything under control.
12:46There's no reason for you to fly out here.
12:51Uh, honey?
12:52I've got a visitor.
12:54I gotta go.
12:55Okay, talk to you later.
13:00Susan.
13:02Come in.
13:03Hi, Catherine.
13:08Oh.
13:09What a sweet gift.
13:12I didn't even think I'd see you here.
13:17Well, I was concerned about you, Catherine.
13:21A lot of people are.
13:23Actually, the one they should be concerned about is you.
13:27Why is that?
13:29Because the man you just married turned out to be a maniac.
13:34Yeah, um...
13:37About that, uh...
13:43We both know...
13:45...that Mike didn't do this.
13:50Really?
13:54I've got seven stitches and a knife with Mike's fingerprints...
13:59...that say otherwise.
14:06It doesn't make...
14:10...any...
14:12...sense.
14:13Why would Mike...
14:15...want to stab you?
14:21Well, if you must know...
14:24...I told him I was in love with someone else...
14:26...and he flew into a rage.
14:31Will you stop lying?
14:33If you don't tell the truth soon, you are sending an innocent man to jail.
14:36You are taking a father away from his son!
14:40It's Mike's fault, not mine.
14:43Catherine, please!
14:44And even though I am so angry with him...
14:49...when you think about it, it's really kind of flattering...
14:53...to go this far to keep me from being with someone else.
15:05So how did it go?
15:06I don't know anymore.
15:08I can't tell if she's crazy or just devious.
15:11I think she's a little of both.
15:14Okay.
15:15So tell me how I get the crazy part committed.
15:18Only a family member can commit somebody to an institution.
15:22Really?
15:27Excuse me.
15:28I was just with my friend Catherine in 607...
15:31...and she was talking to her daughter and she...
15:34...wanted me to follow up about something.
15:35Do you have that number?
15:38Dylan Mayfair?
15:39Yes.
15:40Would you mind dialing that number?
15:42Certainly.
15:45There you go.
15:51Hello.
15:53This is Dr Frister calling from Fairview General.
15:57I understand that you were just speaking with your mother.
16:02Right.
16:03But I do feel, given her condition, it is important for you to come here if you can.
16:10Lovely.
16:12See you soon.
16:16Now that's devious.
16:2650 cents off paper towels.
16:28That's a great coupon.
16:30This is fun.
16:31Yeah, it sure is.
16:32And me doing my own roots is going to be fun.
16:34And getting rid of cable is going to be fun.
16:36We're going to be having so much fun around here.
16:39Mommy?
16:39Hmm?
16:40Are we poor?
16:41Oh.
16:43Only financially.
16:48Hey, don't forget that one.
16:49Probably only in a can.
16:51I like poor food.
17:00What'd they say?
17:01I've attended classes for six weeks.
17:03They won't refund any of my tuition.
17:06Unbelievable.
17:08Is there a sign over us that says crap here?
17:10It'll be okay.
17:12I'm looking for a job.
17:13And in the meantime, we got enough money to live on for the next four months.
17:18So we'll run out right before the babies are born.
17:21Yes.
17:22But remember, kids don't miss what they never had.
17:25Ah, like food, clothing, sober mother.
17:33I am so sorry.
17:35For what?
17:37For what I have done to this family.
17:39You have to drop out of school.
17:43Penny is clipping coupons.
17:45I have really, really screwed this up.
17:49Well, we'll get some money if we win the lawsuit.
17:52Yeah.
17:54Won't that be great?
17:56Living off the money we made, suing our best friends.
18:01At least Gabby tried to apologize and stop this.
18:07Well, maybe it's your turn.
18:15Damn it!
18:17Whatever it is, I can explain.
18:19That was the chairman of my board.
18:21This Lynette thing is turning into a fiasco.
18:24I thought that lawyer said you did everything by the book that we recovered.
18:29It doesn't matter what the lawyer said.
18:31Bottom line is, it looks bad for Global Venture.
18:34A big corporation going after a pregnant woman.
18:37So what's gonna happen?
18:38If this suit goes to trial,
18:42I'm done.
18:44And even if it doesn't, I might still lose my job.
18:47I put everything into this company.
18:50Carlos!
18:52Carlos!
19:04Hi, I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to.
19:07You got that right.
19:14It's done, Carl Orson. Sign the papers.
19:19Yes.
19:20I know, I've never been happier.
19:23I absolutely want to see you two.
19:26Meet me at the motel and we'll find a way to celebrate.
19:30Till then, my darling.
19:35When you move on, you don't waste any time.
19:40I'm sorry.
19:42I wanted to tell you this morning, but I felt I'd hurt you enough for one day.
19:49It's much better to parcel out the pain.
19:53Is it someone I know?
19:58No.
19:58No, never mind.
19:59I can't handle that right now.
20:02Just, uh, tell me this.
20:06Have you told your friends you're seeing anyone?
20:08Of course not.
20:11Good.
20:13Please don't until I'm gone.
20:16I'm saying goodbye to everyone at the party tomorrow.
20:18I don't want it to turn into a pity fest for poor Orson.
20:24I won't go public with my new relationship until we're divorced.
20:30And I'll say we started seeing each other after you and I separated.
20:38What a tasteful solution.
20:40You must write an etiquette book for adulterous.
20:47I don't blame you for being angry.
20:50And I give you my word I will not let my affair be an embarrassment to you.
20:55So when the plane flies over the Christmas party, I want it pulling a big-ass banner that reads,
21:01Will you marry me, Bree?
21:04Love, Carl.
21:05Oh, it's not romantic.
21:07Glorious. That'll be 600 bucks.
21:09I don't care. Can't put a price on love.
21:11He can. Our anniversary, $20 gift certificate to a rib joint.
21:17Well, you didn't have to cook that night, so the gift was for both of us.
21:21Good luck, Mr. Meyer. I hope this Bree says yes.
21:25Almost as much as I wish I'd said no.
21:31For what it's worth, I'm a divorce lawyer.
21:35Oh, God's sake, Jeff! Look at the mess in here!
21:39Do you have a card?
21:56Dylan! Dylan!
21:57I have nothing to say to you.
22:00I know what your mother must have told you. It's what she told everyone, but it's not true.
22:04Do you really think I'm gonna take your word over hers?
22:06Please. I am so worried about your mom. I am not just thinking about Mike.
22:11The hell you're not. Get over him. He's married to my mother.
22:16What?
22:16You know, it's bad enough that you make a scene at their wedding and you hound them night and day,
22:21and you stab her because you can't have him?
22:24Is that what she told you?
22:26I don't know why you're not locked up right now. You're crazy.
22:30Dylan!
22:32We need to talk.
22:40Oh, my God.
22:47I don't understand. For months, my mom has been telling me about her life with Mike.
22:53The gifts that he's given her and trips that they've planned.
22:59Your mom needs help.
23:02And so does Mike.
23:09What do you want me to do?
23:16Hey! Good news!
23:18Dr. Chang says I can give your parents an early Christmas present.
23:23You're released. Grab your stuff. I'm taking you home.
23:34Thanks for the ride.
23:36Happy to help.
23:38I can't imagine how tough it is for you guys to live this way.
23:43In what way?
23:45Running all these years, always looking over your shoulder.
23:53Relax, Danny. Your parents told me about your situation.
23:57Well, actually, I figured it out.
23:59Your mom just filled in the details.
24:04Why would she do that?
24:06Well, frankly, I think she was glad to finally find someone she could be honest with.
24:11And that goes for you, too. If you ever need to talk, you can trust me.
24:18I hope so.
24:20Because if you say anything, they're going to throw my mom in jail.
24:24No. It doesn't work that way.
24:29Are you kidding?
24:33Ever since 9-11, the feds are hardcore on any terrorist stuff.
24:38Even the old cases.
24:41If they find her, she's dead.
24:47What do you mean?
24:55Danny!
24:56I thought we were picking you up tomorrow.
24:58Mom, I screwed up.
25:00What are you talking about?
25:05I told no one everything.
25:29Hey, Mona.
25:32Thanks for giving Danny a ride.
25:34And I am so sorry he dragged you into our family drama.
25:41Hey, Mona.
25:47I mean, you know better than anyone with a bad headspace he's in right now.
25:51He's so angry at me and his dad, he just must have hurt us.
25:55Which would explain the wild story he just told you.
26:03So...
26:03You good?
26:05I hate my job.
26:08All I do is deal with disturbed people.
26:11Wipe their drools, strap them down.
26:15I hate it.
26:19Well...
26:19Maybe you should get a different job?
26:21I wanted to.
26:23But they say you should have a year's worth of living expenses.
26:26And I didn't know where I'd get the money.
26:32$67,000.
26:34That's what I've needed to cover my mortgage, my car, everything for a year.
26:41Mona.
26:42$67,000.
26:45If you could do that for me, then we'd all be free.
26:59Hey, Mom.
27:02Dylan?
27:03What are you doing here?
27:05I asked you not to come.
27:07I had to.
27:08You were hurt.
27:11Have you been to the house?
27:15Oh, I'm so sorry Mike wasn't there to welcome you.
27:19He's away in business.
27:23No, he's in jail.
27:25You told the police he stabbed you.
27:29I never said that.
27:32I told you.
27:33Susan attacked me.
27:35Then why did the police arrest Mike?
27:39I don't know.
27:41Maybe he confessed to protect her.
27:47Mom.
27:49Susan's his wife.
27:53That's ridiculous.
27:55Who told you that, Susan?
27:58No, Mike.
28:02They let me speak with him.
28:05Mom, Mike is in jail and that's not right if he didn't do anything.
28:15Did you stab yourself?
28:22Mom, did you?
28:26I asked you not to come.
28:31Mom.
28:32Mom.
28:33Mom.
28:33Mom.
28:33Mom.
28:33Mom.
28:34Mom.
28:36Mom.
28:37Luca said lies.
28:39This is gonna save him.
28:42He knows the way I did it.
28:43He wants this.
28:50What is she doing here?
28:53I want to help you, Catherine.
29:01I have to get to Mike.
29:03He's expecting me.
29:05I don't think so.
29:06Please, I'll see.
29:07I have to go.
29:07There's your face back.
29:11I need a little help here.
29:12Mom, please.
29:13Everything's going to be wonderful.
29:16I have to get to Mike.
29:19You need some help, Dad.
29:20I need help.
29:21Help, I need help.
29:21No, no, no.
29:22No!
29:25Please, Mrs. Mayfair, we're trying to help you.
29:30Okay, it's okay.
29:32Honey, everything's going to be okay.
29:39I asked you not to go.
29:53Hey, wait up.
29:54I want to go with you.
29:54Can I have one moment apiece?
29:56Our therapist said we need to do more stuff together.
29:58I know.
29:58That's why I don't go to the therapist with you.
30:00Oh, come on.
30:01Would it kill you to spend some time with the woman you love?
30:03I don't know.
30:04Would you be upset if I brought her?
30:06As long as she doesn't deflate in the plane.
30:15Gabby, please talk to me.
30:16I feel just awful.
30:17You know why?
30:18Because you are awful.
30:19You're an awful person.
30:20Okay, you have every right to be mad at me.
30:22Thanks, Lynette.
30:23And you have every right to go to hell.
30:24Stop talking to me.
30:28Thank you all for coming out to our annual holiday festival.
30:32And as it's been our tradition these last 12 years,
30:35please welcome back the Jingle Bells.
30:41All right, ladies.
30:42Sparkle.
30:44I can't believe they wouldn't let you sing with them.
30:46It's their group.
30:47They can do whatever they want.
30:49Whores.
30:52Silent night
30:55Holy night
30:56Do you mind?
30:57You're blocking me with your big, fat head.
31:00I thought we weren't talking.
31:04Round yon virgin mother
31:07You know, I was trying to apologize.
31:09Well, it's too late.
31:11Carlos is probably going to lose his job over the stuff you're putting him through.
31:14Gee, I wonder what that feels like.
31:17She's been heavenly peace
31:19By the way, because your husband canned me,
31:22Tom had to quit school.
31:23Oh, the 45-year-old freshman has to drop out.
31:26Maybe he'll get a paper out.
31:27Move.
31:28No.
31:29Fine.
31:29You want to be a jerk?
31:31No.
31:31Gabby, give me my hand.
31:32No, no.
31:33Give me my hand back.
31:35Gabby, back to me.
31:36Give me my hand back.
31:37Gabby, all is calm.
31:38All is calm.
31:39Now, she's started this.
31:41She's being a bitch.
31:42I don't remember the word bitch being in the song.
31:44Oh, no.
31:45It's always been there.
31:47You are...
31:58We are going to take a little break, mid-song,
32:02and we will be right back.
32:03Have a little punch.
32:10I realize you two are having a problem, a giant problem,
32:13and now half a fair few does, too.
32:15So, A, you're fired, and B, work it out.
32:21Gabby, I'm sorry about everything,
32:23but you have no idea what losing my job has done to my family.
32:26Oh, boo-hoo, you.
32:28Why don't you slip your cankles into my shoes and walk a mile?
32:30You just don't care about anyone but yourself.
32:34No, I do.
32:35I care about my friends.
32:36Sorry you are no longer part of that group.
32:44I'm in.
32:45It's a Christmas miracle.
32:51We can't just let some stupid housewife shake us down for 67 grand.
32:55Nick, what do you want from me?
32:56We've got to try to make this go away.
33:00We've got the emergency 10 grand, but that is a long way from 67,000.
33:11Maybe this will get us closer.
33:15Oh, you little...
33:16Now, don't be careful, you little...
33:18Punchkins.
33:22Excuse me.
33:24Carl, what are you doing here?
33:26I just thought I'd come by and give you an early Christmas present.
33:28Stop it.
33:29We can't be seen together.
33:31What's the big deal?
33:32Susan knows.
33:33The cat's out of the bag.
33:34Orson doesn't know.
33:35You didn't tell her?
33:36About the affair, yes, but he has no idea it's you.
33:38Now, Carl, please go.
33:40I promised him there'd be no scenes today.
33:42Carl?
33:43Oh, Lord.
33:46Hey, Orson.
33:47Just came by to check on the decorations.
33:50Great job, Mrs. Hodge.
33:51Save it.
33:52Carl.
33:52Carl, I'm not an idiot.
33:53Orson, please.
33:55You obviously heard Brie and I are divorcing, and vulture that you are, you've swooped in
34:00to make a buck by representing Brie.
34:04Hey, a man's got to eat.
34:06Perhaps.
34:07But soliciting business at a Christmas party, that's tacky, even for you, Carl.
34:15If this is who you want representing you, that's your choice.
34:17But frankly, I thought you had higher standards.
34:26Remind me not to let him make a toast at our wedding.
34:28That's not funny, Carl.
34:29Just go before he figures it out.
34:31Yeah, about that.
34:33You know that Christmas present I mentioned?
34:35Don't you dare give me a present in front of all these people.
34:37I'm not sure I can stop it.
34:39It's being delivered by air.
34:41Carl, what did you do?
34:44Just let me make one quick call.
34:51Mayday!
34:52Mayday!
34:53God, why don't you turn this thing on?
34:56Somebody help!
34:58I don't know how to fly!
35:00I don't know how to fly!
35:12I don't know how to fly!
35:13Okay, I released the banner.
35:14Now what?
35:15Look for a place to land, a field, a large parking lot.
35:19All I see are neighborhoods.
35:21A negative street landing is too dangerous.
35:23Well, that's all there is!
35:24What do you want from me?
35:26Okay, calm down. Keep her steady.
35:31Jeff, it's Carl. Are you there?
35:33Hello?
35:36Pick up.
35:37Okay, if you get this message, please, please get this message.
35:41You need to abort.
35:42Do not, repeat, do not fly over Worcesteria Park with that banner.
35:46What banner?
35:47Call me.
35:48Carl, what banner?
35:50You know how you're always saying to me I should be more romantic?
35:53Well, I thought, what if I hire a plane to fly over Brie's street carrying a banner with a heartfelt
35:59personal message?
36:00Carl, when you put a message on a banner, it ceases to be personal. What does it say?
36:04Uh, something like, uh, Brie, will you marry me, love Carl?
36:09Oh, dear God.
36:10I was trying to be romantic.
36:12Carl, when we began this affair, we agreed to be discreet. Do you know what discreet means? No skywriting.
36:20Oh, God. Poor Orson. Do you know how humiliated he'll be? I have to warn him.
36:27Brie, wait.
36:29I made this mess. I'll deal with it. Orson deserves the truth, and he should hear it from me, not
36:35a banner.
36:36But I...
36:43You got a minute? I need to talk to you.
36:46What, here? Can it wait?
36:48Uh, not really.
36:57If this is about the settlement, I told Brie there's very little I want.
37:01That's not the problem. It's what I want. Brie.
37:07You're too late. She has a boyfriend.
37:14You?
37:15Hey, if I were a betting man, I'd have lost a bundle on this, too.
37:20So, wait. You're having sex with my wife.
37:25The point is, we don't want to make this any harder for you than it has to be.
37:30I just wanted to warn you that in a few minutes...
37:35Okay. You're the husband. I'll give you that one.
37:40I'm trying to spare your feelings, which is why...
37:46That's it.
37:47The hell with your feelings.
37:49I am proposing to Brie today with an airplane banner, and trust me, that will be the highlight of your
37:55day.
38:00One moment, please.
38:09Hi.
38:10Hi. Have you been to see Santa yet?
38:13Uh-uh.
38:14Do you want me to take you?
38:15Yeah? Okay.
38:16New ya!
38:19Come on. I will take you to see Santa.
38:30Hey.
38:33Oh. We're gonna do this right here, just like that?
38:38This seems like a pretty small envelope for such a big secret.
38:43It's ten grand.
38:44And my wedding ring. It was my grandmother's.
38:48It's all we have right now.
38:50But I gave notice at the hospital.
38:54I can't go back there.
38:56Mona, that's the best we can do.
39:00I have a job at Brie's. I can pay the rest as I make it.
39:03Sure.
39:04Until you disappear into thin air.
39:07Just because I have lawn gnomes doesn't mean I'm stupid.
39:12You don't know the whole story.
39:14I know. You killed someone and walked away scot-free.
39:17Scot-free?
39:21Does this look scot-free?
39:25Yeah, I don't think Danny told you the whole story.
39:28But maybe you should hear it.
39:31Four miles I ran today, and now I'm drinking eggnog.
39:34It's like mayonnaise with rum in it.
39:43Excuse me.
40:02What are you doing?
40:04Stop it!
40:05This is ridiculous, please!
40:07Oh, for God's sake!
40:09Stop it!
40:10And that was 18 years ago, and we've been looking over our shoulders ever since.
40:13That sounds like a very reasonable story.
40:16So reasonable that I don't understand why you couldn't just call the police right now and explain it to them.
40:22Someone's dead.
40:24You know I can't do that.
40:26What I know is you've got till tomorrow to come up with the rest of the money or I go
40:29to the police.
40:31Capisce?
40:35Is it just me?
40:36Or is that plane flying really low?
40:42Mona.
40:43Can we talk about this?
40:44Don't do this.
40:45You are screwing with people's lives here.
40:47This could blow up in your face.
40:5067,000 by tomorrow.
40:52What?
40:53I call the police.
41:01Pals!
41:02Pals!
41:03Pals!
41:12Pals!
41:13Pals!
41:25Pals!
41:27Pals!
41:43The best Christmas ever.
41:49That's what everyone had wanted.
41:53But something went wrong.
41:58Horribly wrong.
42:01For those who survived, it would be a day they would try to forget.
42:07For those who didn't, this Christmas would simply be their last.
42:15The Christmas World Podcast.
42:21For those who didn't feel like it was the Christmas World Podcast.
42:32Transcription by CastingWords
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