00:09My Eman was a passionate advocate for mental health,
00:13and that is the purpose that I am pursuing now.
00:17Hi, this is Kuya Kim, and this is a Father's Day episode of Usap Tayo.
00:32Since Eman passed away, I took a course, actually,
00:36because there's so many kids who see me as a safe space, as someone they can talk to.
00:41The goal is to listen and then eventually refer to a professional.
00:51A parent can only do so much.
00:53Our kids are their own persons at a certain point,
00:56and then we can only just pray and pray and pray,
00:59and guide them however we can.
01:01At a certain point, what happens will happen.
01:04There's always good purpose to whatever painful or bad thing that happened.
01:17I was able to read a study that says a staggering number of couples split up
01:25after suicide in the family, actually 80%,
01:27because number one, people grieve differently.
01:30I grieve differently for my wife.
01:33If I expect her to grieve the same way I do,
01:35and she expects me to grieve the same way I do,
01:38there'll be conflict.
01:39And number two, grief is difficult because there's nothing you can hold on to.
01:45It's just pain that you deal with loving someone that's not there.
01:49It's easier to deal with a specific emotion, such as blame or hate.
01:55The tendency of parents who undergo a suicide in the family is to blame each other.
02:00The wife can always say,
02:02you were always working so hard, you were not there.
02:05And the husband can always say,
02:07but you were too hard in your punishing the kids.
02:10So, Freddie and I, we don't go there.
02:12We respect each other in our different kinds of grieving.
02:23Eman has a fans club that I was not aware of.
02:27I only became aware of it after she died.
02:30And I found out that despite her illness, despite her pain,
02:34she was giving advice to kids.
02:38She was direct messaging kids and helping them.
02:47I want the stigma to lessen.
02:49I want the kids to be able to express themselves,
02:52not only through social media, but to their parents.
02:55I want the parents to understand that our kids are not like us.
03:00Whatever worked for us during our time as boomers and Gen Xers
03:04will not work with our kids who are Gen Z and Gen Alpha now.
03:08Our kids also are not weak.
03:11They are different.
03:12Our kids were born to social media, to the digital age.
03:16Therefore, it is part of them.
03:18It's very simple to say that cut off social media and they'll be okay.
03:23No.
03:24If you cut off social media, they'll be even more ill
03:27because you're cutting off their social life from all their friends.
03:30You're cutting off their ability to learn.
03:32There are different rules and there are different techniques to be able to guide them
03:36and to protect them.
03:44To all of the dads, have fun with your kids.
03:47We work so hard to provide for our family and that's fine.
03:51But whatever free time we have, enjoy our kids, especially when they're young.
03:56Because when they're older, even if you want to enjoy them,
04:00they do not enjoy us anymore.
04:02They'll enjoy their friends.
04:03So while we have that window of being able to enjoy our kids,
04:07have fun, play with them, spend time with them, read the book to them
04:12because we can at a certain point, even if you want to, too late.
04:21Thank you very much for watching.
04:23For more, please visit Smart Parenting YouTube channel.
04:41Thank you very much for watching.
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