- 10 hours ago
First broadcast 24th February 2017.
More of the best bits from Series N.
More of the best bits from Series N.
Category
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TVTranscript
00:02Hello and welcome to QI's.
00:06About a third of the total used by British fertility clinics is...
00:10is Viking sperm.
00:11Why have they got so much? Is it because it's dark, like, 20 hours?
00:17It doesn't get dark in Denmark like that.
00:19How do you cope with having one and a half hours day like that?
00:22It doesn't happen!
00:25Denmark's the same as Scotland, where you come from!
00:36It's the Arctic circle!
00:38It's way, way further!
00:41A Danish winter is about one and a half hours day.
00:43Which is not no, darling.
00:44It's true!
00:48It's not! It's too long!
00:50So, no, darling.
00:55Here's the thing, that's not true, and the more you say it,
00:58the more points are going to make it not true for you.
01:01All right, when I went to Denmark, was it night time?
01:05It was winter.
01:07It was winter!
01:09It was winter!
01:12It was winter!
01:13It was winter!
01:13It was winter!
01:13It was winter!
01:14You come home late, you've slept through the day after you'd end up to tea or day!
01:17And you wake up at five in the afternoon and you don't see the daylight, you're like a ghost!
01:21It was dark for 20-odd hours per day in winter.
01:28But your inability to distinguish the Scandinavian countries means it's possible you were in Norway.
01:34It's possible. It's possible that I was in one of the other countries.
01:38But is it not true? It was about an hour and a half in winter. Stop saying it!
01:45Puritan couples could have a conversation and they could talk through a tube,
01:48and in fact those were then used as the very first commercial hearing aids, about 1800.
01:53So have a look at that. These ones are actually...
01:55So this will work, will it?
01:58Don't change yourself! What's wrong with you?
02:01Speak in it to yourself and then you can hear most clearly.
02:04It's kind of like the original...
02:07Hello, Russ. Hello!
02:11Hello. Germany calling.
02:15The one in the picture we actually have here.
02:18Oh, that's the one in the picture?
02:19The one in the picture. I can't look quite as cheerful.
02:24I can hear the sea. Is that what it's supposed to be?
02:29You don't have people worry about what earrings to wear. Those, I think, are working for you.
02:34You look like Mickey Mouse and Prince Charles had a child.
02:37Hello.
02:37LAUGHTER
02:44Put that foot in the air, Wombat.
02:46Hello?
02:47OK, I wonder will this, like, amplify it between that and the...
02:52Oh, no way!
02:56Just to get on the show again, you must be joking.
03:00How do you get urine off a nun?
03:04LAUGHTER
03:06I don't think that nuns pee at all.
03:09Oh, no!
03:11I... I know a lot about nuns.
03:12Do you? Why is that?
03:13Because I was educated by them and I was in a boarding school.
03:16So I actually lived with them.
03:17Right. And they never weed?
03:19Never. I never saw one of them enter or leave a bathroom.
03:22The thing is, they've got those very long frocks on, haven't they?
03:24Very long frocks.
03:25And they might have some kind of divine catheter or something, but they don't...
03:29You won't see them coming out of the bathroom.
03:33The divine catheter are a great group, aren't they?
03:37Very bad.
03:38Anyone at home playing QI Bingo, that's divine catheter.
03:44In the 18th century, women who wore the long frocks, they used to have the equivalent of a gravy boat
03:48on a sort of ribbon for long church services.
03:51They actually had one of those things that we were all just imagining in there.
03:53Yes, they did.
03:54They actually did.
03:55The gravy boat on a ribbon?
03:56Yes.
04:00Is this urine in the picture, or is that just something that...
04:04The gravy boat's fallen off!
04:08I love me!
04:11So that's...
04:12The gravy boat's fallen off.
04:15Is it necessary to get urine off nuns?
04:17It was necessary.
04:18It was the 1960s, okay?
04:20Oh, it was a condiment, wasn't it, Nunwee?
04:21A condiment?
04:24Have you got a slightly bigger bottle of Nunwee?
04:26Have you got a slightly bigger bottle of Nunwee?
04:31Curiously, these never events do occur.
04:33I was hosting the British Funeral Directors Awards recently.
04:40We've got to get you a new action, dude.
04:42We've got to get you a new action, dude.
04:43It was quite quiet, initially.
04:49I hope you're open with that.
04:51At the end of the day, they'd had their trade show in the same venue, and so around the edges
04:56of the room, there were coffins, caskets, people looking not unlike this fellow, sort of sitting up in them.
05:02Were you picking a new home?
05:09No, sorry.
05:10Because he's old and he'll be dead soon.
05:12I'm sorry.
05:14Can I tell you something, Jimmy?
05:16This is...
05:16I don't think you realise how this is getting to me, because this morning, this very morning, I received a
05:22letter through the post inviting me to be the new face of the Stanner Stairlift.
05:36The worst thing about this is...
05:38The worst thing about this is my wife said, I think we should consider this.
05:45Then, this is a true story, this is a true story, I then phoned them up, and I said, have
05:51you thought of Nigel Havers?
05:54It turned out they had, I was about 17th on the list.
05:59I mean, I'm afraid this is not the first invitation of its kind I've received, because I also, this is
06:03maybe how they got hold of my name, I was considered for being the new figure, stretched out on the
06:11floor, reaching for the alarm.
06:13LAUGHTER
06:16I can't get up.
06:17Yeah, that one.
06:18But June Whitefield has got that gig at the moment, you know?
06:22LAUGHTER
06:28Gerry, now, this time that we're talking about, the Battle of Normandy, you were in the UK?
06:33Yes.
06:34I'd been born six months earlier, yeah.
06:36And where were you?
06:37I was actually born in Highgate, in a tube station.
06:40During an air raid?
06:41Yeah.
06:41Not during an air raid, but you didn't know.
06:43Your mother just missed her train and...
06:44Yes.
06:45Yes.
06:46Women in the ninth month would often spend nights in the subway, because those were the bomb shelters.
06:52Have you been back to the station?
06:54Yeah, and there's not even a plaque there.
06:58LAUGHTER
06:58Well, you need to have been conceived to have a plaque.
07:02LAUGHTER
07:04When you were mayor of Cincinnati...
07:07Uh, 1977, is that right?
07:091977, 70...
07:10Oh, my God.
07:12What are you doing in that picture?
07:14Well, you know, when you're mayor, you also get a lot of ceremonial things to do.
07:17Yeah.
07:17So there probably was some...
07:18Oh, I know, that's when I got circumcised.
07:22LAUGHTER
07:24That's when everybody got circumcised.
07:27Is it true about Cincinnati that there is a full, abandoned subway system that was never used that's underneath the
07:33city?
07:33Yeah, they ran out of money, actually, and so it was never completed.
07:38But, yes, there is...
07:38So are there stations and, uh...
07:40Yeah.
07:41Why did they not do it?
07:42It was before my time.
07:43If I were mayor, we would have finished that subway.
07:46LAUGHTER
07:46Boys' rights, England.
07:52Do you think women did duelling, or was it just a boys' thing?
07:54Oh, have you been to the big market in Newcastle on a Saturday night?
07:58Yeah.
07:59I hope that women did do duelling as well.
08:01Yeah, they did.
08:02It was called Petticoat Duels, and possibly the most famous, uh, between...
08:07LAUGHTER
08:13It's kind of, um, kind of snatch and grab.
08:17LAUGHTER
08:19I never thought of hiding a pistol there.
08:20LAUGHTER
08:21So, the most famous one in 1892 in Austria, it was a topless duel.
08:27Oh, that's brilliant. Channel 5, where are you?
08:31LAUGHTER
08:32Between Princess Metternich and Countess Kielmenzig, and what I love about it,
08:37it's said to have been caused by a disagreement over a flower arrangement.
08:41Any excuse, that sounds like.
08:43Yeah, well, I don't like the flower, so get your top off.
08:46LAUGHTER
08:49I'll duel you.
08:52Apparently, both women were worried that if they were wounded,
08:55and some fabric got into the wound, it would get infected.
08:58It's the very first emancipated duel in that every single person
09:02who took part, all the seconds, the two duellers, and indeed the medic,
09:05were all women.
09:07It's hard to say who won.
09:08The Princess, she was injured first on the nose,
09:10so the Countess got first blood, as it were,
09:12but she was then injured on the arm, which is a better wound.
09:15So there's points where you cut the person, then?
09:18Who does better?
09:19OK.
09:20If you come out with both your nipples, I'm sure you'll be all right.
09:24LAUGHTER
09:24Oh, fuck.
09:26LAUGHTER
09:30Milk everywhere.
09:33LAUGHTER
09:35Boobs aren't full of milk.
09:37LAUGHTER
09:37That's not why we have...
09:38That's not...
09:39Do you suppose there's milk all the time?
09:42LAUGHTER
09:42So we've got a baby in the house, there's milk...
09:45LAUGHTER
09:48Boobs are sometimes full of milk.
09:50Possibly not those four.
09:52Perhaps they were at the time of the duel.
09:54LAUGHTER
09:59Stop it!
10:01Stop it!
10:04You are perforated!
10:09I often wonder how we get to where we do.
10:12Erm...
10:13Now, I've been practising this, and I can do it about one in three.
10:18So, you've all got an opportunity to give this a go.
10:22There we go.
10:23Ah!
10:23That was pretty cool!
10:26APPLAUSE
10:29OK.
10:30So, it is just a length of chain, and then you place the ring up in like this.
10:36Now, if you hold it with your thumb, and then hold it with one of your fingers,
10:42and what you need to do, you just let the finger go and not the thumb.
10:45Just try and let the...
10:46Yeah!
10:47Ross has got it!
10:49APPLAUSE
10:52Just a few more goes.
10:53All right, you just...
10:54Put the chain...
10:56OK.
10:57Don't make me get up and show you!
10:59LAUGHTER
11:01So, so make your hand wide, like this, OK?
11:05And then hook your thumb like this, but don't hook the chain.
11:08Just hold that like that, and only let your finger go.
11:12LAUGHTER
11:16LAUGHTER
11:20APPLAUSE
11:20APPLAUSE
11:20I'm going to get one of those this time of day.
11:32What is the worst thing you can do on a bed of nails?
11:37Fall from a great height.
11:38I would say...
11:39I'd say an orgy.
11:43I'd say to get nailed on some nails would be a terrible thing.
11:47LAUGHTER
11:47Well, here's the thing, so I think you could have an orgy
11:50if you were fantastically careful about how you got on and off.
11:53LAUGHTER
11:53Are we talking about the nails or the people?
11:57LAUGHTER
11:58It's about the even distribution of weight across the nails, so...
12:01See, I did do this.
12:02Did you?
12:02I went on a bed of nails with a contortionist.
12:06What a night that was!
12:08LAUGHTER
12:09I filmed it.
12:10LAUGHTER
12:12And he showed me how to lay down.
12:14He said, all right if you're lying down, but he said,
12:15be very careful, cos your instinct when you get up
12:18is to put your weight on your hands.
12:20Oh!
12:20And then that really hurts a lot.
12:24When I was at school one afternoon, for some reason,
12:27some circus skills people came round
12:29and tried to teach us all circus skills.
12:32I love that heavy note of disapproval in your voice.
12:35LAUGHTER
12:37Waste of bloody time!
12:39I was seven!
12:41You could learn circus skills later.
12:43What I needed was maths!
12:45LAUGHTER
12:45And they came round and said, you know,
12:48tried to teach us how to juggle.
12:49We couldn't juggle.
12:50Tried to put clown make-up on.
12:52Some of us had an allergic reaction, you know.
12:55One of the things was the bed of nails,
12:57and they taught us how to lie on a bed of nails,
12:59and the way you lie on a bed of nails is you just lie on it
13:01and it's fine.
13:02LAUGHTER
13:04When I was at boarding school,
13:05at the beginning of every year,
13:07you had to put your skirt on,
13:08and then you had to kneel in front of matron,
13:10and the top of your,
13:12the hem,
13:12had to touch the floor.
13:14And if it didn't, you had to go and get a new skirt.
13:16Or a bigger pen.
13:19Bigger pen?
13:20Just get a bigger pen,
13:21and they can have a shorter skirt.
13:23Bigger pen, you see, so it reached...
13:24Sure, it was hem.
13:26It was hem, Lee.
13:26Hem, hem.
13:27What if they said pen?
13:28No, hem.
13:29I love that Lee...
13:32I love that Lee has such confidence.
13:34He's thinking,
13:35there is no way that joke didn't work.
13:38There must be a technical error on that,
13:39cos this is gold, this stuff.
13:42LAUGHTER
13:47I was once on a...
13:48in a gymnasium,
13:50and I was like,
13:50you know the leg,
13:51you know the leg extension...
13:53Honestly, no.
13:54Right, there's a thing, right?
13:56Yeah, he's...
13:56You put your feet on it,
13:58like that.
13:58Please don't fall out now.
14:01It's famous to you here!
14:03So you put your feet on it,
14:05and you push with your legs...
14:07Yeah, yeah, yeah.
14:07And as I...
14:08As I started to push...
14:10LAUGHTER
14:10I...
14:11I let out...
14:12The longer...
14:13It was...
14:13It was so long,
14:15that as I went like that,
14:16it changed keys.
14:18LAUGHTER
14:18And everything.
14:19I went...
14:20I went...
14:22And the guy...
14:23You know that's...
14:24Well that's called a trombone.
14:26LAUGHTER
14:26Well it got me sorted out the salvation army.
14:29LAUGHTER
14:30And I went...
14:31Aww...
14:32And it was...
14:34And it was...
14:34Cos they didn't know it changed,
14:35I laughed so much,
14:36and I turned to the bloke at the gym,
14:38and I went...
14:38I bet that happens all the time,
14:40and he went...
14:40No.
14:42LAUGHTER
14:46Name the cause of the first mass extinction.
14:49Oh, now, this is a trick one,
14:51because...
14:51You're trying to get us to do the dinosaur one,
14:54but there was one before that, wasn't there?
14:55Mmm...
14:56After 14 years, he understands the format.
14:59LAUGHTER
15:08And the thing I still can't do is think in my head.
15:13LAUGHTER
15:14Right on, Forrest.
15:17When do you think then?
15:19LAUGHTER
15:19In my mouth.
15:20In your mouth.
15:21Is it...
15:22Is it ice?
15:23It is not ice.
15:24It is not ice.
15:25No.
15:26LAUGHTER
15:28Very good.
15:29They had a problem, but they didn't solve it as a massive extinction.
15:33LAUGHTER
15:34It's sea anemone greed, and really the invention of the mouth.
15:39So, what happens is...
15:40So many problems come when we invent the mouth.
15:43These are...
15:44These are...
15:44Elea Karens, and Elea Karens are the very first complex life forms on Earth,
15:48and they hung around on the sea floor for about 37 million years.
15:52They didn't have a mouth, they didn't have an anus,
15:54they just lived through osmosis there.
15:57They got along fine.
15:58They're just fine.
15:59And then, what happens is, the Cambrian explosion,
16:01so that's give or take a Tuesday, about 542 million years ago.
16:06LAUGHTER
16:06You suddenly get life forms suddenly rocketing,
16:08because there's more oxygen around,
16:10and you get sea anemone-like creatures, they have a mouth,
16:12and do you know what they did?
16:13They ate them.
16:14They're absolutely right.
16:15They ate the lot of them.
16:16And the terrible, tragic thing was
16:18that they couldn't tell each other what was happening.
16:20Oh, I don't! That's so sad!
16:22Yeah, no males.
16:23LAUGHTER
16:24Just lying there, being eaten, and not being able to just...
16:27Or warn each other.
16:28I've had boyfriends like that,
16:29and I understand how they feel.
16:32LAUGHTER
16:35Nothing you can do!
16:37Just let them get on with it.
16:38It's been a learning experience, being with you.
16:41LAUGHTER
16:43I went to an exhibition at the Tate, and it was on Pop Art,
16:46and there was a room that was set aside from everyone else,
16:49because it was very explicit by this artist called Jeff Koons,
16:52who does basically high art, but pornography.
16:55And this middle-class woman and her two kids came up,
16:58and the guy on the door stopped them,
17:00and said, this is for over-18s only, you can't come in.
17:02And the woman said, I'll go in and have a look,
17:04and I'll come back out and I'll tell you what I saw.
17:05So she went into the room, and she came back out a split second later,
17:08completely ashen-faced.
17:09And I heard her lean down to these two kids, and she said,
17:12what happens between a man and a woman is a beautiful thing,
17:15but what I saw in that room is of no help to anyone.
17:18LAUGHTER
17:21That's what you said after the circus skills.
17:24LAUGHTER
17:25I'm trying to get my head around long division.
17:29I don't need this bullshit.
17:31LAUGHTER
17:34Is it a large piece of land, a forest?
17:36It is. It is a massive piece of land.
17:38Here is the thing that Norway has
17:39that Finland doesn't really have.
17:41Norway has hundreds of very big mountains,
17:44and Finland doesn't.
17:45And this is the nicest gift.
17:46They're going to give them a mountain.
17:49Oh, wow.
17:49OK, this is the Halti range.
17:51It's on the border of the two countries.
17:52They're going to give them the Haldikotska Peak.
17:56It's only 4,366 feet high,
17:58but it doesn't even come into Norway's top 200 highest.
18:01Peaks will be Finland's highest mountain.
18:05Oh, wow.
18:06But they'll have to come and visit it.
18:07They can't...
18:08You can't put it over there.
18:09It's on the border, so the border will just go...
18:12LAUGHTER
18:22I like you so much because I found myself explaining that.
18:27LAUGHTER
18:29What does the world's fussiest eater eat?
18:33Is the world's fussiest eater not a human being?
18:36Correct.
18:36Is it something that is so fussy it just doesn't eat and then die?
18:41No.
18:41It is very specific.
18:43It only likes one thing on the menu.
18:45It's so deeply unpleasant.
18:47There are a few parasites who have cornered the market so decisively.
18:51It's a little leech.
18:53It rarely sees the light of day because it lives up a hippopotamus' bottom.
18:58That is where it lives.
18:59It is...
18:59It is...
19:01It's called the Placo of Deliodois Jaeger-Skyoldi.
19:05Now, here's the thing.
19:06Hippos have incredibly tough skin, right?
19:08So if the leech is looking for a blood meal off the hippo,
19:11it really has to go to the rectal region because that's where the blood vessels are.
19:15The skin is vascular.
19:16Where the best restaurants are.
19:17Seriously.
19:17Best place to hang out.
19:18Here's the thing.
19:19Has anybody ever seen a hippo being excused?
19:23No.
19:23Well, it's the most extraordinary thing because they are noted for the violence of their bowel movements, okay?
19:28So they fire out an absolute explosion of slurry.
19:31I know how they feel, guys.
19:35Why are the bowel movements so violent?
19:37I'm interested.
19:38Well, okay, so it's just extraordinary.
19:39I mean, what's amazing is that the leech is able to hold on while...
19:43It has a fantastic grip.
19:45It's got a pair of suckers, front and rear, which provide incredible anchorage.
19:49So while this poo is spraying everywhere...
19:52What?
19:53Yes, Ross, is it something helpful?
19:55Yeah, it is.
19:57I have a slight confession.
19:59Yes.
20:00Right.
20:02I recently, whilst bored in a hotel room...
20:05Yeah.
20:06No!
20:09If you go online and type in hippos pooing, right, there are...
20:15Sorry, I'm just going to stop you there.
20:16Why would you do that?
20:17I would just...
20:18Not with bears.
20:21Just...
20:21Here I am.
20:22Bears in the woods.
20:24There is...
20:26And there are huge amounts of videos of people filming hippos at zoos...
20:33Yes.
20:34...who the tail goes up and they go...
20:37It's unbelievable.
20:38Come on.
20:38I don't know how it...
20:39It just sort of...
20:41No!
20:43But that's the thing...
20:47I've got a leech!
20:50Oh!
20:53So, the world's fussiest eater won't eat anything but hippos' ass.
20:57In fact, they've taken the little leeches into the lab and offered them other things to eat and they refuse.
21:03So he's not interested in the dung at all?
21:05No, he doesn't want the dung at all.
21:20Make of this nonsensical question what you will.
21:23Who blows their nose for something to eat?
21:26My children.
21:28I suppose there might be some good bacteria in your mucus.
21:31That's what I was told about children doing...
21:34That does actually help their immune system to consume their bogies.
21:38Yeah.
21:38Was that one of your children that told you that?
21:47Is it an anteater?
21:49Is it an anteater?
21:51Well, they suck up ants through their noses, don't they?
21:54Yes.
21:54But we are actually looking for something that blows its nose.
21:57Blows its nose?
21:58Yes.
22:00Bird.
22:00Mammal.
22:01Bird.
22:01Bird.
22:02Bird.
22:02Bird.
22:03Bird.
22:04Bird.
22:05Bird.
22:10Bird.
22:12Bird.
22:13Bird.
22:13Bird.
22:14Bird.
22:15Bird.
22:15Bird.
22:15Bird.
22:15Bird.
22:15Bird.
22:16Bird.
22:16Bird.
22:18Bird.
22:23Bird.
22:23Bird.
22:29Bird.
22:31Bird.
22:33Bird.
22:35Bird.
22:40from its body in search of food. They're also known as proboscis worms. Is that snub then? No, it's its
22:46nose.
22:47When they detect food or prey, the muscle contractions of the body wall forces the proboscis, that's literally its nose,
22:53out of the body and it turns it inside out like a rubber glove. Right. Okay. And the one that's
22:57shown here is a gorgon worm
22:59and it's got these branching spaghetti-like tentacles on its proboscis which then envelops the prey with a sticky toxin
23:06and draws it back into the body. Are you telling me that it ate that bloke? No. Let's have a
23:16bloke. No, let's not.
23:22It's amazing, isn't it? Don't!
23:28Was it not more prevalent post the wipeout of the dinosaurs? Isn't there a theory that they die because of
23:35the change in temperature?
23:35Well, the thing is, dinosaurs were neither warm-blooded nor cold-blooded but they were somewhere in between.
23:39They were just right, weren't they? Yeah, they were just right!
23:42I love the Goldilocks blood!
23:45Because, erm, there are disadvantages to being warm-blooded, okay?
23:48Because one of the things is, you have to keep eating to get fuel to maintain the constant body temperature.
23:53So if, for example, a lion was as big as a Tyrannosaurus rex, it probably wouldn't be able to eat
23:57enough to survive.
23:59But isn't there a theory on the dinosaurs where they died up because over a certain temperature
24:03all the eggs hatched as male and below a certain temperature they all hatched as female
24:08and then the temperature went down and they all hatched as female
24:11and then there were no more, no-one to mate with.
24:13Well, there are as many theories about how the dinosaurs were...
24:15But that's the correct one.
24:17The one that I can vaguely remember, I'm 90% sure is 100% correct.
24:21There's someone who's never watched King Kong.
24:27Massive gorilla mate. Twatted all of them.
24:32Well, that's well at the end of that film.
24:37Time for another parlour game. Are you there, Moriarty?
24:41Who knows how to play this?
24:43You're blindfolded, I'm guessing.
24:45You are.
24:45You're blindfolded and you're as tall as a newspaper.
24:49OK.
24:50This is a British one which I frankly don't understand.
24:53OK.
24:54So, you are blindfolded, you hold each other's left hands.
24:59One of you shouts out, are you there, Moriarty?
25:01The other one shouts, yes.
25:02And the one who said, are you there, Moriarty, then tries to hit them with the newspaper.
25:07I'll be the shouter.
25:08OK.
25:09Well, you take turns, you take turns.
25:11Oh, all right, OK.
25:11Yes.
25:11I mean, obviously, I'm going to have to hit the target, but I'm not sure how comfortable I am hitting
25:15a woman on national television.
25:17It's Susan, you'll be all right.
25:22Right, left hands held.
25:24Give me your hands.
25:24Left hands held.
25:26OK, so, Matt.
25:28Yes.
25:29You're going to say, are you there, Moriarty?
25:31And Susan, you're going to say, yes.
25:33And then, Matt, you're going to try and hit her.
25:35OK.
25:35OK, go.
25:36Are you there, Moriarty?
25:38Yes.
25:49No, I'm not.
25:50No, I'm not.
25:52No, I'm not.
25:53Ow!
25:55Ow!
25:56Do you know what?
25:57Yeah.
25:57I love the idea that someone has turned on this for the first time and gone...
26:01Do you know what?
26:03It's really changed without Stephen, hasn't it?
26:07I mean, Stephen would never have allowed this.
26:12I know you're there.
26:15Help!
26:16Help!
26:17That's good.
26:18This is good.
26:19I've found her, so I don't need to...
26:21Right, you two, come on, let's have a go.
26:23So, put your blindfold on, and then...
26:25I've got quite a big head, so I'm not sure it's going to fit round.
26:28Oh, there we go.
26:29There we go.
26:29Right.
26:29Do we stand up?
26:30No.
26:31Ow!
26:33I think Alan's won.
26:36So, now hold left hands.
26:37I'm not going near him, he's an animal!
26:40Hold left hands.
26:41Okay.
26:42So, Josh shouts, are you there, Moriarty?
26:44Are you there, Moriarty?
26:46Ow!
26:47Ow!
26:48Ow!
26:49Yeah?
26:50What?
26:50So, you have to say...
26:51How am I doing?
26:53You missed Josh!
26:54Wait, let me just do it again.
26:56Josh is going to shout, are you there, Moriarty?
26:58Alan's going to shout, yes, to indicate his location, and then he's going to try and escape Josh hitting
27:03him.
27:03Okay?
27:04Right, Josh.
27:05Are you there, Moriarty?
27:07Yes.
27:07Now try and escape.
27:10Just one minute!
27:12Ow!
27:14I don't want to shout!
27:17I don't want to shout!
27:19Ow!
27:28No!
27:29No!
27:30No!
27:30No!
27:31No!
27:32No!
27:33No!
27:33No!
27:34You're so nervous!
27:43Josh, you were rubbish at that game!
27:45You were rubbish!
27:46I don't want to turn this into a carry-on film, but mine wasn't as rigid as Alan's.
27:51I'm not sure that was the problem
27:53I think the overall winner of that is Alan
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