- 2 days ago
First broadcast 9th December 2016.
Sandi Toksvig
Alan Davies
Lee Mack
Richard Osman
Lolly Adefope
Steve Mould (as Festival Of The Spoken Nerd)
Helen Arney (as Festival Of The Spoken Nerd)
Matt Parker (as Festival Of The Spoken Nerd)
Craig Wheeler
Sandi Toksvig
Alan Davies
Lee Mack
Richard Osman
Lolly Adefope
Steve Mould (as Festival Of The Spoken Nerd)
Helen Arney (as Festival Of The Spoken Nerd)
Matt Parker (as Festival Of The Spoken Nerd)
Craig Wheeler
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Hello, and welcome to a show dedicated to the naked truth.
00:05Joining me, and full of naked ambition, are tonight's skinny dippers.
00:09In the buff, Richard Osman.
00:14In the all-together, Lee Mack.
00:19In her birthday suit, Lolly Adafope.
00:27And indescribable, Alan Davis.
00:34Right, let's hear their buzzers.
00:36Lolly goes...
00:43Richard goes...
00:50Lee goes...
00:56And Alan goes...
01:16I need to go now, don't you?
01:19So, Alan, I'm going to start with you.
01:20Are you normal or weird?
01:25I think I'm normal, Sandy.
01:27Oh, that's weird.
01:31I feel bad.
01:32Yes, you are weird.
01:33Anybody here normal?
01:35I would say, I'll go weird.
01:38Yes?
01:38Norm, would you feel normal, Lolly?
01:39I feel very much at home here.
01:41Okay.
01:43You must have a strange house, but there we are.
01:45What about you, Richard?
01:47Normal?
01:47I'm going to go out on a crazy limb.
01:48Yeah.
01:49And say maybe I'm a little bit weird.
01:51Yes.
01:51The fact is, nobody is normal.
01:53So, say you took an average of every single person here in this room, and we took height and shoe
01:58size and collar size and all those things.
02:00You won't find anybody who's average in all respects.
02:04It just doesn't exist.
02:05And it's called the jaggedness principle.
02:07And it really matters.
02:08So, in the 1940s, the U.S. Air Force, they thought, I know what we'll do, we'll design a cockpit
02:11that fits absolutely everybody.
02:13The cockpit has yet to be designed.
02:15Yes, that is.
02:16That will fit my proportion.
02:19In what way?
02:19Oh, in a plane.
02:20In a plane.
02:21Oh, I'm sorry.
02:21Oh, I'm sorry.
02:21Oh, I'm sorry.
02:30So, they took the measurements of over 4,000 pilots, and they designed this cockpit seat based on these 10
02:36different body measurements, and it didn't fit a single pilot, because there isn't any such thing as normal.
02:43And in the end, they had to develop the adjustable seat for airplanes, because of the jaggedness principle.
02:49So, if you take me and Richard.
02:50So, Richard, you come here just for a minute, darling.
02:52Oh, goodness.
02:52So, if you wanted to do...
02:54Wait for sun!
02:55Wait for sun!
03:00If there was a jacket to be had for the average quiz show presenter...
03:04I'd like to say, I'm very proud of Sandy and her time at the school.
03:09I'm happy to use that she won't look on my fly as well as I am.
03:17You do know that people watching won't know who's, and I don't use the word lightly, abnormally-heighted.
03:22It could be that you're 25 foot.
03:23Yes, yes, we should.
03:24We need some proportionally.
03:25I'm 5 foot 9, to give an indication.
03:29I used to work with the brilliant Humphrey Littleton, and Humphrey was exactly the same height as me when he
03:33was kneeling.
03:36I bet I am.
03:37Shall we try that?
03:37Yeah, I am.
03:39OK.
03:40Right, here we go.
03:42Oh, just a bit.
03:43I am.
03:43Oh!
03:51Here, you at Letmall any day.
03:54So trying to find an average person's unbelievably difficult the Australian Bureau of Statistics used the national census to try
04:01and find an average Australian
04:02So here's what they announced. She was a 37 year old woman. She had a son and daughter
04:06He was six and she was nine. The woman is five foot four and eleven stone
04:09She's got a three-bedroom house with about two hundred thousand pounds left on the mortgage
04:12Her family came originally from the UK. That is the average Australian and then they couldn't find a single person
04:18To the entire country. Who matched it? I think it's me. What are you five foot four? Yeah, are you
04:24Australian?
04:29Okay, try this one alright, so this is a 2014 dating site
04:33They surveyed 2000 London men so the ideal London woman. Here's what she looks like five foot six
04:39Five foot four, okay nine stone 34 C bust drinks white wine has no tattoos and supports Tottenham
04:48No wonder she's single
04:52I've got more on her. I've got more. Brown hair
04:54Brown hair. She drove an Audi TT. She was either a nurse or a teacher. She liked roast dinners
05:00She had an exotic foreign accent
05:03She loved Dirty Dancing the movie and the top television show was Friends. Oh, she sounds like an idiot
05:08She does
05:11That's what a man's really looking for in a woman. Someone who likes Dirty Dancing
05:14It's so rare to find
05:15I know
05:17I don't think I have any of those
05:19Brown hair
05:20It's kind of black
05:24So if you're not normal you could be weird in fact
05:26We are all at the table weird it stands for Western educated from industrialized rich democratic countries
05:33So why might that be a problem that the problem is because they're missing the sea off the end of
05:37weird? Yeah countries
05:39Oh, I see
05:40Doesn't really scan though does it?
05:42No
05:42The problem is that whenever we do sociological research or psychological research
05:4896% of the people who participate in these kind of studies they usually students are weird
05:53Even though that only represents 12% of the world's population
05:56Surely normal could be an acronym for something
05:59Yes, what could it be?
06:00It ends in Arsenal loving I know that
06:02I'm just
06:04Yeah, and the C's for something else there
06:14Nordic men, Arsenal loving
06:16Yeah, like John Jensen
06:18Johnny Jensen
06:19Is he a Danish footballer?
06:21Yes, I used to work in a bookmakers
06:23And John Jensen used to come in put bets on and he put 50 quid once
06:27And it won about 400 quid and he never collected it
06:29No, if John Jensen's at home watching this he'd be like, this is unbelievable
06:33He's literally just talking about me
06:35You're not allowed to tell people that they've got a bet that won
06:38Because they might have accidentally put that bet on and meant something else
06:41He could be sitting at home going
06:45Typical Jensen
06:46Was he the Swedish chef or something?
06:50He scored in the final of the European Championships
06:53When Denmark won the tournament in 1992
06:56Stunning goal against Germany
06:58Arsenal signed him
07:00And he didn't score again for three years
07:03I was only two then
07:05Yeah
07:07Okay, I'm going to just cry
07:08Are you a football fan?
07:13Coys, coys, coys
07:14Is all I know
07:15What is that?
07:16Connie Spurs
07:17Suddenly the perfect woman hoes into you
07:21She likes white wine
07:22I know a football joke
07:24Oh, I bet Ozil might have asthma now
07:27Because of all of the dust on Arsenal's trophy cabinet
07:30Oh
07:31I don't know anything about football
07:35I think you've caused a frisson
07:38You can feel it in that room
07:39That's the noise of a frisson
07:40Exactly, it's a frisson
07:42John Jensen's throwing stuff at the telly
07:46He can't afford a telly
07:47He left his money at the bookmakers
07:49He's not watching the telly now
07:50He's round at William Mills banging on the woman
07:54Anyway
07:54None of us is normal
07:56But we might just be weird
07:58Now, let's look at some naked apes
08:00What did the Neanderthal take with him
08:02When he went clubbing?
08:05Are you meaning a club to club things with?
08:13Over the years I thought I'd get better at this
08:18We've all been hoping Alan
08:21Given that Alan got a klaxon for saying clubs
08:24I'm guessing he didn't use clubs
08:25Very good
08:26Yes
08:27That's how to do it
08:29They lived above the tree line
08:31They lived in a desert
08:31There weren't any trees
08:32Otherwise you'd use a branch
08:35They had spears and arrows
08:37Which had presumably got wooden shafts
08:39They couldn't get near enough to club anything
08:40It was too dangerous
08:41For all we know they didn't have clubs
08:43I mean the main thing about it is
08:44That we've never ever seen anything
08:46Shaped remotely like a club
08:48No artefact anywhere
08:50I base all my knowledge
08:51Neanderthal men from the wacky races
08:55The footstones obviously
08:56Which is incredibly accurate
08:57All those people living with the dinosaurs
08:58Running in the cars
08:59Yeah exactly
09:00To be fair we've got wacky races
09:01We've got Flintstones
09:02And you've got Captain Caveman
09:03So that's three separate bits of evidence
09:05Yes
09:05That suggests they did have clubs
09:06Yeah
09:08Unless they were all making it up
09:10Yeah
09:10So they didn't take clubs but they took cameras
09:13Yes
09:15That's one of the earliest photographs
09:17That's incredible
09:18They couldn't say cheese then
09:19Because they didn't have cheese
09:20Cheese
09:21For the photograph
09:22Oh I see
09:24You know they said
09:26Bison's quite good
09:28Bison
09:30To be fair you are just saying bison and then smiling
09:32Yeah
09:34Bison
09:34Yeah
09:35You could say anything couldn't you
09:36Stick a rock
09:37Feet
09:40But we've never ever
09:41There's never been a painting
09:42There's never been an artefact
09:44To be fair most wooden artefacts will rot
09:46So you get paintings of spears
09:47I mean you get spear heads that you find
09:49But you don't actually get the wooden
09:50You don't get the wooden pole right
09:52Yeah
09:52So they might have had clubs that have rotted away
09:54I understand that you don't want to go too near an animal with a club
09:56Yeah
09:57But if you're fighting neighbouring tribes
09:59Yes
10:00Probably you would just pick up a stick
10:01But a stick is a club
10:02Well it's not shaped like a club
10:04Yeah
10:04That's the point
10:04When is a club a stick?
10:06Yeah
10:06When you cover it in chocolate
10:09It's the makings of a double act here
10:13What they do find a lot of in Neanderthal sites is bones
10:15So they might have done that thing like from Tales of the Unexpected
10:18Where they got a frozen leg of lamb
10:20Yeah
10:20And used that as a club
10:21And then ate the evidence
10:22The freezer was also an early invention
10:24The
10:27I'm sorry Lolly
10:28I apologise
10:29No I'm really learning a lot
10:30You're learning
10:30That's good
10:31Because I feel like knowledge is draining from me
10:34As I speak
10:35Now a question about the bare necessities of life such as shelter
10:38So who lived here?
10:41Not bats
10:42Massive
10:42No I said massive
10:43OK
10:44And what did you say?
10:45And I said not bats
10:46Not bats
10:47OK
10:47So between us the answer is massive not bats
10:49Yeah
10:50It's a typical type of not bat
10:52Massive not bats
10:53We could go through a long list of things that didn't live there
10:56Oh
10:58John Jensen
11:01And he's still playing or not still playing?
11:03No
11:03Probably he has a kick about with his kids in the garden
11:05I know he's not batting anymore
11:09Anyway these caves
11:10I can tell you they're in Brazil
11:11Oh Brazilians
11:14That is not correct
11:15That is not correct
11:15They sometimes went as deep as 70 feet
11:18They had multiple chambers
11:19Is it some sort of massive animal?
11:22Yes
11:22Oh
11:23Is it termites?
11:24No that would be huge wouldn't they?
11:26That would be an army of termites
11:28Yeah like a load of termites going go
11:30And they're making a massive tunnel
11:31I love that
11:32Little tiny hardhats running
11:34And then they
11:35Like a little cart
11:36Yeah
11:36And then they all ride down it together
11:37Oh this is
11:38Yes
11:39Suddenly my aunts are not anywhere near as interesting
11:41If I'm honest
11:42Is it a burrowing mammal?
11:44It is
11:45It's a giant ground sloth
11:48They lived from about 2.8 million years ago to about 10,000 years ago
11:51And some of them were as big as an adult elephant
11:53And the largest species the megatherium
11:56Weighed up to 4 tons
11:58And it was 20 foot long from nose to tail
12:00So they still have some living relatives today
12:02Which is the tree sloth
12:04The difference in scale
12:05I mean
12:05Say imagine me and Richard again
12:07To be comparably larger
12:08Richard would need to be about 50 foot tall
12:10So I'd need to be 3 foot taller than I currently am
12:13Yes
12:15What's the largest burrowing animal today?
12:18Oh
12:18That would be the giant not bat
12:22Badgers are quite big
12:23Big a bat
12:24Wombats do they go under?
12:25Giant badger
12:26I like the question
12:26Do wombats go under?
12:29Is it wombat?
12:30No it's not a wombat
12:31Two bats
12:32Two bats
12:35I'm gonna go with
12:36Well it's not bats
12:37Okay
12:39Is it humans?
12:40No it's the polar bear
12:41The polar bear?
12:42It's the polar bear
12:43Well hang on Alan
12:44I don't think humans burrow either
12:45You said humans
12:46They made the channel tunnel
12:47Well they made the channel tunnel
12:49Okay
12:50Actually I think you should win that
12:51That's very good
12:52It's not the largest animal is it
12:53The polar bear they dig a maternity den
12:55Either in the snow or in the earth
12:56And so they're the largest burrowing animal
12:58Speaking of caves
12:59Anybody been to Nottingham?
13:01I've been to Nottingham
13:02Yeah
13:02Hey whoa
13:03So have I mate
13:04Come on
13:05I actually went to university really near Nottingham
13:07Did you?
13:08So that's all to that
13:08This is a small world
13:09Alan?
13:10No way
13:11Alan's been as well Sandy
13:14I made my professional debut at Nottingham Playhouse
13:16Did you?
13:17I did
13:17Anyway the city centre was once known as Tigua Kubuak
13:21Which means the place of caves
13:23So from as early as the 11th century people lived in caves in Nottingham
13:26And under the Nottingham Enclosure Act of 1845
13:28It is still illegal to rent out a cave to anybody in Nottingham
13:32They were trying to stop unscrupulous landlords renting them out to the poor
13:36I'd quite like to live in a cave though
13:38Don't you think it'll be fine?
13:39Oh
13:40Um
13:40No
13:41No?
13:42Oh
13:43What's your reservation?
13:45Wi-Fi
13:48So
13:49Okay
13:50If you had a good hub
13:51Yes
13:52On that picture of the right at the back
13:54Is that a downstairs toilet?
13:56It does look awfully like some kind of font doesn't it?
14:00Well like a sundial but no light
14:03It was the world's worst sundial
14:07The classic underground sundial
14:09Where did we put the sundial in the basement?
14:11Yeah
14:14Do you know what the original name for Nottingham is?
14:16Is it Ingham?
14:18It's got Nottingham in it
14:19No but it's not just Ingham and then they sort of changed it to Not-Ingham
14:22No
14:24Martin Hampton
14:25Nottingham is the shortened version of its original name
14:28It's Nottingham
14:29Exactly right
14:29It's Nottingham
14:32It was ruled by a Saxon chief named Snot
14:35And it was literally the homestead of Snot's people
14:39It was Snottingham
14:40And then I don't know why they dropped the S
14:42Because I think it's perfectly charming
14:43I think they should put it back
14:44Yeah
14:44Now
14:45Your ancestors could make fire using things that they found
14:49You have something on a tray
14:50And I will give you 20 points
14:52To anybody who can start a fire
14:55With the things that you have got there
14:57Can I use my lighter that I've got in my pocket?
14:59I'm just
15:00I'm just going to get out my fire blanket
15:02Oh now look
15:03Can't you put that in the lemon?
15:05Won't that work?
15:06Supposedly doesn't it?
15:07Can't you get a charge out of citrus fruit?
15:09You can
15:10Am I about to?
15:13Not enough to upset yourself I don't think
15:16I'm going to use this to look for a match
15:19Meanwhile I'm going to use this to look for a match
15:25Well does it matter if we open that?
15:27Would that help?
15:27You don't want to open it but you can actually use a can of soda
15:31Is that what it is then?
15:32Just a can of fizzy pop?
15:33Just a can of fizzy pop yeah
15:34What would you use two sticks for for example?
15:36You don't necessarily have to do it but
15:38Well rub it together isn't it?
15:39You're supposed to go like that aren't you?
15:41So you need to sharpen it into a point and then rub it's the quickest way
15:45That's not going to work is it?
15:47It's freezing cold and then it's just been someone in the dark going
15:50Where are the caves for crying out loud?
15:53Can't go in them
15:54Why?
15:55I can't see this sundial without light
15:57It's not a shock mark is it?
15:59Ow ow ow
16:00I'm going to show you a very quick way that you can make it
16:03Please don't try this
16:04Is there any reason why we don't get the safety stuff?
16:06Because
16:08Because you're not actually going to be able to do it that's why
16:11Oh
16:12So what you do is you take a nine volt battery and some steel wool
16:16You place it on here like this
16:19Oh wow
16:20Whoa
16:22And there you are
16:23So cool
16:24And then that's all you have to do
16:25And then you would add some kindling
16:27I have to get my fire blanket out
16:32There we go
16:32I think you've just got it there
16:34Do you think it'll be all right?
16:42So we can still do it with these things as well
16:44Okay, if you look at the base of your tin
16:46You can see that it is a concave shape
16:49Yes
16:49If you polished that you would be able to reflect enough sunlight
16:52In order to be able to make fire
16:54And in fact we can demonstrate this in the studio
16:57But obviously we're going to need experts
16:58So we have with us our friends from the festival of the spoken nerd
17:03The science comedy phenomenon
17:05They tour all over the UK
17:06And have brought one of their experiments from their show
17:08Please welcome Matt, Steve and Helen the nerds
17:17So I was right, wasn't I?
17:19That the tin of pop is a kind of
17:20Yes, it's almost the right shape to focus light in
17:24This is an actual paraboloid which is the perfect shape
17:27So we can use this to set fire to something
17:30Oh man
17:30You just pointed at me
17:32What did you say, Alan?
17:33Your hair does look a bit like
17:35Fire
17:36You could go up in seconds
17:38Put a nine-bolt bathroom here
17:41We've got a graphic here of the two dishes we've set up
17:44And if you cut one in half
17:46So we can swivel one around
17:47And if you unpeel it
17:48It's just a parabola
17:50And the amazing thing about a parabola
17:52Is any line which comes directly down parallel with the axes
17:55Will go through exactly the same spot
17:57The focal point
17:58And the same thing works in reverse
17:59So if something emits from the focal point
18:02It will be sent out as a parallel
18:03That's how the Death Star works, isn't it?
18:07That's essentially the cleverest thing that's ever been said near you, Lee
18:12We're going to give this a go
18:13But please can you put your sunglasses on?
18:16Because these are going to protect us, aren't they?
18:18So about 200 years ago
18:19This was a party trick
18:20Where they would put a super hot cannonball at one focal point
18:24And gunpowder at the other
18:25We thought we wouldn't try that
18:28We asked and apparently we're not allowed
18:29Because it's no longer the past
18:31But
18:33They have let us bring a heat lamp and nitrocellular
18:37So that's flash cotton
18:38This will be the past one day, you know
18:41No, I'm Dave
18:49Alright, are you ready?
18:50Yeah
18:51Don't worry, it's not right in my eyes
19:04Fantastic! The Mat! Fantastic, guys! Thank you so much!
19:13Right, let's pop our trays away
19:15It's easier to start a fire now
19:16That we've all got Tinder on our phones
19:21We don't all have tinder on our phones some of us a grinder people
19:28right what are the bare necessities of life today so you said that you needed
19:35Wi-Fi Wi-Fi you consider that to be a necessity Wi-Fi and a good book
19:48so top five most essential things for British people knowing when the bins go out
19:53you know that especially when there's been a bank holiday and it's like oh yeah and that
19:56somebody breaks rank and they put their bins out and everybody's off should I because it was a bank
20:00holiday but what if they know something I don't know and something I like to do the thing when
20:04you get up early and put the wrong colored bin out and see if everyone copies and then just when
20:10they've all gone to work swap it around I remember when I very first came to live in Britain I
20:16was
20:1614 years old and people talked about putting cream or jam on that's gone first
20:20and I realized that they cared example of first world problems when you get it it's a scone
20:30and when you've eaten it it's gone you know John Jensen chucking away go you know I wasn't sure about
20:45this program at first
20:47so you are right Lolly an internet connection is the very first thing people decided was
20:52most important what's next mobile phone mobile phone came in at 19 mobile phone charger
20:59mobile phone charger I think you'll find plug socket becomes increasingly important
21:06about theory we've got to say computer if Wi-Fi is important TV actually is the second one
21:10what using for the Wi-Fi for it's just nice to know that you've got Wi-Fi in case the
21:14people who
21:16answer this question would have been weird food and water and shelter not on the list not at all so
21:23it goes internet connection TV a couple trustworthy best friend is number four and club the thing you'd want
21:36when you come back from a club a daily shower was number five days
21:46cup of tea number seven having somebody say I love you number eight after a cup of tea I have
21:53to say
21:53coffee wine chocolate and a night on the sofa all beat owning a phone but how are you
21:58going to tell anyone that you had such a nice time if you don't have the phone what's the point
22:03of
22:03doing it if you're not going to show off that you can't have a good time without telling somebody
22:09why would you do it otherwise do you get this thing separation anxiety if you're separated from
22:18your telephone yeah so if I'm on like a tall bridge the person that I'm with will be like scared
22:23because
22:23they might fall into the water right and I'll just be concerned I'm gonna drop my phone in the water
22:28she had things have changed because some years ago when I had my first mobile phone I was visiting
22:32an elderly friend of mine and the phone rang and she said who was that I said it was my
22:35agent she said oh
22:36how did she know you were here I did that thing my phone the other day you know whenever you
22:42leave the
22:42house you're always looking for your phone as well I was getting increasingly annoyed
22:45to see where have I put it it's not in the kitchen I haven't left it there checking in jackets
22:48and
22:49literally 10 minutes later I realize it's in my hand you can't find your phone so you ring it and
22:57then you realize you're ringing it from the phone because it's engaged California State University so
23:10what they did was they got half the students who took part to turn off their phone and put it
23:14away
23:14out of sight and the other half had their phones actually taken away and then they measured the levels
23:18of anxiety every 10 minutes okay so people who use the phone very little there was hardly any
23:23increase but people who were heavy users of the telephone it went up every 10 minutes for the
23:28whole hour until they became unbelievably anxious and apparently some people call it FOMO do you know
23:33about FOMO FOMO fear of missing out fear of missing out and FOBO do FOBO fear of bogging off
23:41fear of being offline but I don't know whether it's to do with the telephone or people aren't just any
23:46good
23:46anymore at just having nothing to do so they did this extraordinary study in 2014 a guy called
23:52professor Timothy Wilson at the University of Virginia and he put people in an empty room and
23:57they didn't have anything at all in there apart from a device she was attached to their ankle with
24:03which they could decide to give themselves an electric shock 18 out of 42 of the people who did it
24:13I have
24:13to say more men than women chose to give themselves at least one
24:17is that because the women didn't have to operate it
24:25you do know there's been a regime change don't you
24:29another question about naked ambition do you know what this man does faster than anyone in the world
24:37it's actually amazing hair growing oh yeah hair growing
24:44what's the thing that we talk about it's always impressive you go wow he's the fastest in the world at
24:47that
24:47running running yes he's not faster than Usain Bolt you're not gonna say that in a way he ran the
24:52mile
24:53faster than the current world flat record so downhill runner he's a downhill runner he's a British athlete and when
25:01he was a 16 year old schoolboy
25:03he ran the fastest mile ever in 1996 the melton maniac mile so it's one mile down a fantastically steep
25:13hill just outside Huddersfield
25:15the course drops 400 feet it has since been banned this race for health and safety reasons but he completed
25:23it in three minutes and 24 seconds
25:25you have to keep running you can't stop no you can't roll this is the most British race I think
25:31of all time because it says that the course started at the cattle grid by Tinker Lane
25:38did they stop it after a terrible injury or just because something good happened there
25:42yeah well we can find out because Craig Wheeler fastest man over a mile is in the audience
25:59no idea obviously this day and age health and safety in anything and they ran it at the other
26:05way as well in the opposite direction didn't they think it was called the murder mile that's the one
26:09yeah we've got a VT actually Craig of you I don't know if you can talk us through it but
26:14was there any
26:14moment when you were running that you actually thought you were just going to do what lolly suggested and roll
26:19down
26:20most of the race you I thought I was just gonna go flat on the face
26:23did we actually say stop then or does he just carry on
26:3320 seconds faster than the world record for the flat mile was it record breakers that you were doing there
26:39yes I went back the following year to try and break the record with record breakers and I fell two
26:44seconds short
26:45which is still the second fastest time ever
26:51yes there's a proper champion that was Craig Wheeler the fastest man
26:58yeah would you like to see a very small lady completely naked what's the difference between completely
27:09naked and naked well I think there's a ship on the scarf doesn't count as completely naked
27:13well a pair of white socks that turns me on naked a pair of white socks and very small
27:18is that the offer? yes do you want to have a look? is that the offer? do you want to
27:21have a look?
27:21the show's got a little quick and a bloke
27:24look at this it's incredible look at that so this is a sculpture created by the South African artist
27:37John T Hurwitz and this woman is roughly 100 microns tall so she is far too small to be seen
27:45with the naked eye
27:45and she is in fact depicted standing in the eye of a needle
27:50oh come on how did he do it? it's science
27:53can I just say you just said the word it's science like there's no way I'm going to understand it
27:58I was trying to lead you in gently but you won't
28:02she's also did a surfer on an eyelash and it's the culmination of lots and lots of development of science
28:06you need multi-photon lithography it's kind of laser printing you need photogammetry taking measurements with photographs
28:11and they're called nano sculptures yeah and of course the first thing they do is do a naked woman
28:15yeah
28:17but if you think about how small this is so a nano means one billion so a nano meter is
28:23one billionth of a meter
28:24that is about the length that a fingernail grows in a second
28:27there's a lovely quote from Horowitz he says
28:29the nano works that I present to you here represent more than just a feat of science
28:33they represent the moment in history that we ourselves are able to create a full human form
28:37at the same scale as the sperm that creates us in order to facilitate the creation
28:41well I must say as a blurb for a show
28:44yeah
28:44that is
28:46too long
28:47it's too long
28:47too long
28:49it'd be great if he tried to carve that onto the statue wouldn't it
28:52hard enough doing the nipples I can't do all that
28:54it's not rubbish
28:55it's really not
28:57what that what I just did yeah it's just the dawn of a new humanity nothing
29:02also we've only got this word for it he did it
29:04what are you saying it doesn't exist
29:05well all you've got to do is stick a picture of a naked woman on the bottom of a microscope
29:09right
29:09and you go look at that
29:10you go oh that's a naked woman
29:12I mean you're not you're like when you've lost your phone imagine misplacing that as well
29:17on the day of the exhibition
29:20you've got to be ready and somebody loses a button just before the exhibition
29:24like anybody got a needle and just oh
29:26oh dear
29:27oh dear
29:27oh dear
29:29yeah
29:30now what's the best thing anyone's ever done in the nude
29:34running downhill
29:35running downhill
29:36oh ouch
29:37that would hurt
29:38if you were a woman it could take your eye out
29:41if you were me it could take your eye out
29:46so one day you're able to sit as comfortably as you are
29:50someone discovered something was Alexander Fleming in the nude when he discovered penicillin
29:55something that's absolutely extraordinary that was mostly done in the nude
29:59it is if I'm frank with you it's for the purposes of this question
30:02they did it for the purposes of this question
30:04well the answer is for the purposes of this question
30:06it's World War 2 was won in the nude so who might have been in the nude winning World War
30:122
30:12I don't have it there
30:14and on the other side
30:16er
30:17Coronation Street
30:17on the less grumpy
30:18are you talking about our very own Winston
30:22Winston
30:23less grumpy
30:23I don't think Winston would be called less grumpy
30:26no
30:26I thought Hitler was actually quite upbeat even though he was obviously a terrible guy
30:32you can say what you like about him
30:33he was at least he was always served the day with a smile on his lips
30:37you wake people up and go do you know what this morning I was thinking Poland's lovely
30:45he's got two tiny women over the end of each finger
30:50talk about pretties
30:51talk
30:53it looks like he's just thrown a dart actually
30:55looks like he's got a dart board at the end of the bath
30:57that's like your perfect
30:58having a dart board at the end of your bath
30:59oh that would be great
31:00imagine how clean you'd be
31:03oh that would be fantastic
31:03and then you have one of those targets in a rifle range
31:06and you're like
31:07get them out again and then wind it back
31:10is it a boy thing?
31:11can you imagine having a dart board at the end of your bath?
31:14oh yeah definitely
31:14you can
31:15oh yeah I love it
31:15just me then
31:17you know it's something to do with dart boards
31:20do you think it's something that he invented whilst in the bath?
31:23he loved to be naked
31:24in fact he so often received people while he was in the bath
31:27that his ministers and staff officers were nicknamed companions of the bath
31:31oh that old chestnut
31:34that's when he got out
31:36that's when he got out
31:38that's when he got out
31:45chief usher at the white house a man called JB West
31:47and he wrote about Churchill
31:48in his room Mr. Churchill wore no clothes at all
31:51most of the time during the day
31:53and there's a story
31:54that when Churchill was staying at the white house
31:56President Franklin Roosevelt called on him in his rooms
31:59and Churchill was nude
32:00and Roosevelt said I'm very sorry
32:01and Churchill said
32:02the Prime Minister of Great Britain
32:03has nothing to conceal from the President of the United States
32:08and the President later told his secretary that
32:10you know Grace
32:11he's pink and white all over
32:14what colour was he expecting just out of interest?
32:17I think he wasn't expecting to know any colour
32:19other famous nudists
32:22Enid Blyton was a famous nudist
32:24apparently she liked to play naked tennis with her friends
32:29he didn't write that in any of the books
32:31no she didn't
32:32Benjamin Franklin
32:32regularly took what he called air baths
32:34D.H. Lawrence
32:35once said he found inspiration by climbing naked in mulberry trees
32:39and that's the US President John Quincy Adams
32:42who regularly skinny dipped in the Potomac River
32:45and apparently once a tramp stole his clothes
32:47and he had to ask a passerby
32:48to go to the White House and get him some more
32:52let me know then
32:52you see in the supermarket in the summer
32:54you see a man who's topless
32:55don't you?
32:56do you mind that?
32:57it's one of those things where it's like
32:58you do your thing
32:59but for me
33:00repulsive
33:01please don't do it
33:02the way to avoid that
33:03is simply go to Waitrose
33:11I've never understood that
33:12it is
33:13see I'm the opposite
33:14I think it's completely fine
33:15to be absolutely naked in little
33:21I'll expect an item in bagging area
33:23I'll expect an item in bagging area
33:26the payings are like 5p for that
33:28I'm not doing that
33:29until 1938 in America
33:31it was illegal for a man to be topless in public
33:33and that included on the beach
33:35so 1935
33:3742 topless men were arrested on a beach in Atlantic City
33:40and the people responsible for the arrests declared
33:43we'll have no gorillas on our beaches
33:46they used to monitor women's bathing suits as well
33:48so in the 1920s
33:49there were special deputy sheriffs sworn in on some beaches in New York
33:53they were all women
33:54they were called sheriffettes
33:55and their job was to measure the distance between the bottom of a woman's swimsuit and her knees
34:01and actually when I was at boarding school
34:02at the beginning of every year
34:04you had to put your skirt on
34:06and then you had to kneel in front of matron
34:07and the top of your hem had to touch the floor
34:11and if it didn't you had to go and get a new skirt
34:13or a bigger pen
34:16bigger pen
34:17just get a bigger pen
34:18and they can have a shorter skirt
34:20bigger pen you see
34:21sure it was hem
34:22but it was pen
34:24there's the problem
34:24what did they say pen?
34:25no hem
34:26I love that Lee
34:28I love that Lee has such confidence
34:31he's thinking
34:32there is no way that joke didn't work
34:34yeah
34:35there must be a technical error on that
34:37because this is gold this stuff
34:40but we're hem
34:42yeah
34:43now
34:44while we're in that area
34:46what can't you do to a naked Osman
34:48in Kyrgyzstan
34:52I genuinely turned round there because I thought Alan's head was blocking something else
34:55I wanted to see
34:57I thought you were going to say I remember that horse then
35:03two wonderful weeks with her
35:06she looks exhausted
35:07I will just say if you're going to pull out it was cold
35:10it was colder than it looks
35:12I'll tell you that
35:13did you say in what country?
35:14in Kyrgyzstan
35:16Osman is a name across all the Stans
35:18where does it come from Osman darling?
35:20well the Ottoman Empire really
35:21so it comes from Turkey
35:22right
35:23but the whole of the Middle East is full of Osman's
35:25if I ever go abroad and they see my credit card
35:27they laugh their heads off
35:29that I'm an Osman
35:30the fact that a very tall very white guy
35:32is called Osman
35:34they think it's the funniest thing
35:35ok so it's not a person
35:36is what I can tell you
35:37a naked Osman
35:38kill it, eat it
35:39you can't eat it anymore
35:40but you used to be able to
35:42it's in the water
35:44catch it
35:45it's a trout like fish
35:46it used to be the most populous fish
35:48in Lake Isek Kul
35:50in North East Kyrgyzstan
35:51and it's called an Osman
35:52it's called a naked Osman
35:53why is it called a naked Osman?
35:55it's something to do with the way it looks
35:57it by
35:57hey whoa whoa
36:01but it's been overfished
36:02so by 1986 was almost wiped out
36:05there's been a total ban
36:06you'd be very pleased to know
36:07you can no longer catch a naked Osman
36:09in Kyrgyzstan
36:09that is terrific news
36:10although if you do want to catch a naked Osman
36:12no forget it
36:14it's a fantastic lake
36:16Lake Isek Kul
36:17it is the second largest mountain lake in the world
36:19obviously after Titikaka
36:21and what's extraordinary about it is
36:22it's Endoriik
36:23and that means it's got no outlets
36:25other than evaporation
36:26so it's much deeper now
36:28than it was in medieval times
36:29it used to be a
36:29fantastically popular
36:30stopping route on the Silk Road
36:32and there is
36:33as far as we know
36:35a two and a half thousand year old city
36:37at the bottom of the lake
36:38oh wow
36:39so they found all sorts of
36:40archaeological finds around there
36:41all of which brings us to the place
36:43that isn't wearing a stitch of general knowledge
36:45it's general ignorance
36:46so fingers on buzzers please
36:48first of all
36:49how many shades of grey are there?
36:53yeah
36:54yeah
36:55one
36:57is not right
37:00is it
37:0349.9
37:07unlimited
37:09no well
37:12limited
37:19for a very weird moment I felt like Gypsy Rose Lee
37:23compelled to take my clothes off
37:25the Pantone colour chart lists 104 shades of grey
37:29there are 71 of white
37:32and there are 110 of naked or nude i.e. skin coloured
37:36but that one is really weird
37:38because you can buy new tights
37:39you can buy
37:40naked shoes
37:41naked sticking plasters
37:42but they all presume that somebody's white
37:44all of those colours
37:45I used to get that one
37:46I used to go
37:46I used to have like a nude lip gloss
37:48and they'd give me a
37:48a chalk white
37:50lip gloss
37:52there are 104 shades of grey
37:54which is
37:55that's frankly plenty
37:57when you're fishing
37:58which fish should you throw back into the water?
38:02yes
38:03Lee
38:04the ones that are slightly undersized
38:09oh no i didn't say that
38:11there's a big difference between small and slightly undersized
38:14i have to use that line all the time
38:18it would be awful wouldn't it in the bedroom if he said
38:20that's not small it's slightly undersized and that sound came in
38:24alright small
38:25what it is is that we now think the reverse of what we used to think
38:28which you used to throw back the small ones to give them a chance to grow
38:31in fact a population of larger older fish is much more stable
38:34if there's a lack of food for instance then a few big fish will eat less and they will survive
38:39and the older fish are also going to provide stability to the population
38:42because they are going to provide more and better quality offspring
38:45so it's exactly the reverse of what we used to think
38:46i cannot believe fishing just got more boring
38:51so anyway name an extinct animal with teeth like sabers
38:57is it the sawtooth cat
38:59is it the rapier tooth panther
39:07is it the sabre tooth tiger
39:14isn't that why isn't it that
39:16because they didn't actually have teeth like sabers
39:19because no such animal ever existed
39:21that's what it says
39:21that's exactly right
39:23it was no wonder it's extinct
39:25there's never been a sabre tooth tiger or a lion
39:28er the sabre tooth
39:29never been a lion
39:30er sabre tooth lion
39:31oh i see i think he said there's never been a lion full stop
39:33i thought have i just been falling for this
39:35yeah
39:36he's a man in a costume isn't he
39:37yeah he's a lion with the hem of his skirt
39:39no erm
39:41pen
39:41what's he doing with a pen
39:44there's never been a sabre tooth tiger or a lion
39:47the sabre toothed er cats
39:48not closely related to either tigers or lions
39:51in fact they weren't even cats strictly speaking
39:53they were kind of stocky and bear like
39:54that's the sloth
39:55it does look in the sloth area doesn't it
39:58and they range in size from a large er pet cat
40:01to one the size of the horse that you took on your holidays
40:03when do you say took
40:06oh yeah
40:08two i think
40:09yeah
40:09yeah
40:11there was a sabre toothed trout
40:13that there was
40:14six and a half feet long
40:15wow
40:16shut the front door
40:17yes
40:19there's no such thing as a sabre toothed tiger
40:21and there never has been
40:23what is this noise
40:32yes
40:32is it winston churchill taking a meeting
40:37that's his bath when they heard about the invasion
40:41really i'm nervous
40:42are you nervous
40:42no i'm not nervous
40:44it is the noise
40:46it is the noise
40:46of the small intestine cleaning itself
40:49in preparation for food
40:51the noise is called
40:52b-boring
40:53b-bory
40:53b-b
40:54and the noise is called
40:55b-boring-mus
40:57b-boring-mus
40:58what's it called?
40:59it's your tummy rumbling
41:01and it's one of the few physiological processes that we can hear with the naked ear
41:05is that the one where when you're with your wife and you don't know who's done the noise?
41:09yeah
41:10that's two isn't it?
41:11if you're close to somebody and someone's tummy rumbles impossible to work at who's
41:14you would think you if it was inside you you'd be able to work it out
41:16right Lee?
41:17but you wanna say that next time i believe that was you that b-boring-mus
41:22i mean you can't read it so i'm not gonna be able to say
41:24am i
41:26finally i'll give you a hundred points if you can pat your head while rubbing your stomach
41:31anybody?
41:32pat your head
41:32and rub your stomach
41:33and rub your stomach
41:37not bad not bad
41:38i didn't do it Sandy
41:39you didn't do it
41:40give it a go
41:40look at you teachers pen
41:42i didn't do it now
41:42i didn't do it now
41:43only because you couldn't read
41:44it's quite high up isn't it
41:46currently i'm one point up
41:48on everybody
41:48have you worked it out?
41:50no
41:50but if i don't do anything at all
41:53i make up a point on everybody
41:54because you all did it wrong
41:55why did they do it wrong?
41:57because the stomach was in the wrong place
41:59and where is it?
42:00i don't know
42:03it's much higher up than most people realise
42:09it's just under your pecs really
42:11so it's not down here
42:12it's up here
42:13did you know this is the most sort of thing
42:14the stomach lining blushes when you blush
42:17i don't think i can blush
42:22that could be all that naked foundation you're wearing
42:25i tell you what it's a challenge for us though isn't it?
42:27if you can't
42:28i bet lee could make you blush
42:32i like a challenge
42:34turn to the scores
42:36well richard was exactly right
42:37with a magnificent one point
42:38this week's winner in first place
42:40it's richard
42:44second place
42:45with a fantastic debut of minus eight
42:48lolly
42:52in third place
42:54minus 20 it's lee
42:56oh jeez
42:58how about the other?
43:02it's minus 35
43:03it's alan
43:14my thanks to lolly lee richard and alan
43:17and i leave you with this neolithic newspaper nugget from the sun
43:20this woman walked very close to me and it was obvious that underneath her clothing she wore little or nothing
43:26goodnight
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