00:00I wrote it, no intent, no thought that it would ever see the light of day.
00:04I just wrote it.
00:05My support system was like, we really like this one.
00:08I'm like, you like this?
00:09I like this too.
00:17The song came about, my brother had made a beat probably sometime last year.
00:22It gave me this kind of confessional kind of vibe about it or whatever.
00:26I wrote the second verse.
00:28I didn't know what would come after that.
00:29So I kind of just left it alone.
00:31Some months later, I didn't realize I was rapping on the same beat.
00:35I found the beat again.
00:36I did this like alien thing I like to do that kind of made me feel comfortable saying whatever
00:40I want to say.
00:40It's kind of like I'm not saying it.
00:41My engineer sent me some stuff like later on that night and was like, don't be mad.
00:46Because I hate when people lowkey go and edit my stuff without me being there.
00:49And he sent it and I was like, okay, this is actually kind of cool.
00:51I grew to really like it.
00:52And it was saying a lot that I wasn't able to just say directly to certain people.
00:58Love yourself, love yourself, but don't do too much.
01:01You be fucking anybody when you on that powder and make you feel invincible.
01:07It never made sense trying to live shit sensible.
01:10Doing too much for me is like overindulging and anything that makes you feel too good,
01:15anything that provides an escape too much.
01:18Love yourself, enjoy your free time, but you know, don't overdo it.
01:22At the worst times I've been like a pro overdoer.
01:24Just chill.
01:31I grew up in a weird time generationally for a lot of people.
01:35I was overexposed to new technology, you know, like LimeWire and BearShare.
01:42Stuff where you would go to look for one thing and end up finding a whole other thing.
01:46Just way too much internet, too early.
01:49I think I was blessed with some sense of self-awareness.
01:53Where everybody is, that you kind of know when you're doing too much, but you think you can
01:57control or be the only person that you lean on as yourself type of shit.
02:01I miss my tender innocence, writing poems for the girl and my chemistry.
02:06Class, it was simple then.
02:08I've always been a romantic.
02:09I remember specifically writing that type of shit in the seventh grade, eighth grade.
02:13I don't remember the poems.
02:14I remember pouring my heart out though, for sure.
02:17And then her telling me like, you spelled beautiful wrong.
02:22Like, that's what I remember the most.
02:24You spelled beautiful wrong.
02:25Story of my life.
02:44I'd say having kids as they've gotten older and I've gotten older has made me reflect on
02:50the generational traumas that we put on kids or might have been placed on me and my siblings.
02:57It's for the most part been in the forefront of my mind to try to do away with as much
03:02of
03:02the bad as we can.
03:03Unlearning is a lifetime thing, but it's good to start now.
03:22There's a pain in giving up what's comfortable for you.
03:26Especially when you become a master of isolation.
03:29It's easier to lie.
03:31For anybody who's been in those types of situations, I understand it's way easier just to
03:36brush some shit off and keep your distance.
03:38But lying to yourself is kind of the heaviest part.
03:43You're still abusing yourself mentally, physically, however you go about it.
03:46Or just the abandonment from your community that you kind of place on yourself.
03:50I'm praying for all my niggas that's on their shit to chase a buzz.
03:53I'm praying that my sister make it home by Christmas morning.
03:57I'm starting to be a better pure example for my sons, finding a healthy way to express myself
04:01like testaments of love.
04:03My kids are already smarter than me.
04:04I would hope mostly that they would be proud of me being accountable for myself.
04:08Outside of that, man, I look up to them when they look up to me.
04:11I've set the bar so high but so low.
04:13They're like, I hope that they just do better than me.
04:16I hope my kids do better than me.
04:18Whatever that means to them, I don't expect them to be like rappers and singers and stuff
04:23like that or pro athletes or whatever.
04:26Like I don't expect that but I expect them to know themselves better than I did a little earlier.
04:30You know, appreciate the mental health and not being so caught up in all this capitalistic shit.
04:41It was like a breaking a fourth wall type of thing.
04:44Like when I wrote it, this is for things bigger than myself.
04:48And on top of this, I just wrote this shit today when I didn't feel like writing.
04:54Like a good portion of my lessons with this album has been like, you have a skill set,
04:59you should go write something important to you.
05:02Not, you have a skill set and if today you don't come up with the most exciting flow ever,
05:09then it doesn't, it doesn't mean you shouldn't use it, you know, do it.
05:13So I just wrote.
05:14I've gained the ability to like express myself over like 15 years.
05:19So it was like, just do it.
05:21I hope somebody doing better than they was last time that I seen them.
05:25I hope you still dreaming.
05:27I only ask one thing.
05:29Don't lie to me.
05:30Look in my eyes.
05:32Do I look high?
05:34It's a pretty redundant question.
05:36I know I usually look like I smoke, but like looking like you smoked and like looking like
05:40you're like, like fucked up, it's two totally different type of things.
05:45I like to poke fun at my own insecurities, doing drugs and like drinking and all that kind of stuff.
05:53It takes a toll on your body.
05:54It takes a long time before you stop looking like you're fucked up.
05:59My journey is a lot of cucumber water, a lot of fruit and salads and
06:06busy work and journaling and you know, the standard junkie stuff.
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