- 12 hours ago
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00:01I'm sorry.
00:04I should have told you.
00:09Hey.
00:12Hey.
00:14It's okay.
00:21Do you buy this or do it?
00:24You can have it.
00:25No, I just end up throwing it away.
00:27I'm gonna start again as a bachelor.
00:28I don't want this place to sound like a pathetic sex lawyer, do I?
00:31Chuck it then.
00:32I hate incense.
00:33And so do I.
00:35Wait.
00:36I've been burning this for no reason.
00:37I thought you liked it.
00:38I thought you liked it.
00:40Wow.
00:41That's why our apartment smelled like sandalwood for two years out of politeness, eh?
00:45Guess we didn't really know each other after all, did we?
00:51David, I'm so sorry.
00:53Oh, and I'm just joking.
01:03Hey, you know, um, no gent from work?
01:06Uh, yeah?
01:07Yeah, a little short gent.
01:09Um, I fucked her.
01:16So...
01:18What?
01:21When?
01:22It was once.
01:23At the Christmas party.
01:27It was a couple of times in the break room as well.
01:32More than once?
01:33Yeah, well I was six times.
01:35Six.
01:40You make me feel like absolute shit for the past week.
01:44And you've been having a fucking affair this whole time?
01:47What, having an affair?
01:49No, we weren't sneaking around and meeting up.
01:51We just fucked every now and then, thought it was some stuff.
01:53What?
01:54Then you just come home and act like everything was fine?
01:57Everything was fine.
01:58I love you.
02:00Listen, me and her, we didn't have any chemistry or anything like that.
02:03We just...
02:04Look, I don't know, you know how hectic everything can get by work sometimes, right?
02:06Sometimes you need a release.
02:08I guess she just really likes to fuck.
02:10Can you please?
02:12Stop saying fucked and fucking!
02:14But that's all it was.
02:15And I'm doing this to latch you off the hook.
02:17See, this is why I didn't tell you because I knew you'd be hurt.
02:20Well, you could have avoided that by not sticking your dick in some fucking random nurse six times.
02:25Shh!
02:27Come on, we haven't had sex in almost a year.
02:29Oh, it's all my fault.
02:30I didn't say that.
02:31You literally just did.
02:32No.
02:32So you were fucking this nurse because what?
02:34I didn't feel like it?
02:35I didn't say that.
02:36Don't twist it.
02:37But I'm not blaming you.
02:38I just wanna give you context, that's all.
02:40Context?
02:41Let me know this isn't a thesis or a dissertation, David.
02:43I don't need footnotes on why you're a cunt.
02:46Hey!
02:47Hey, I may have fucked someone.
02:48Yes, I did.
02:50You had an emotional relationship with someone and you fucked them.
02:53And that's a pretty big deal to me.
02:55We both did what we did.
02:56It's not a competition about who's the biggest asshole, is it?
02:59Spoiler alert, it's you.
03:01I didn't tell you to hurt you.
03:02I just don't want you to go around hurting yourself.
03:04You can hate me all you like.
03:06I mean, I don't hate you.
03:09Well, I do hate you!
03:30What are you gonna be sitting out here for?
03:32About two and a half cigarettes.
03:40I have to finish it.
03:41Everybody fucking expects it.
03:44You're a grand human, eh?
03:46Am I?
03:48I'm sorry.
03:49I just...
03:50I came here to say I'm so sorry for involving you in all this shit.
03:56That's a lot of sorries.
03:58I highly smoke when I'm stressed.
04:00And I know it's gross and I'm going to quit.
04:03The irony is if I cough up a lung, I'm gonna end up in the ER and then I'm gonna
04:06have to see David again.
04:07So yeah, I really shouldn't quit.
04:10So it didn't go well then?
04:13Well, I've got all my shit in the back of my car, so...
04:16As well as expected.
04:18Where are you going?
04:20I don't know.
04:26You know you could've just told me.
04:30If it makes you feel better, he was fucking some nurse once.
04:45You came prepared.
04:47I'm gross, but I'm not a complete fossil.
05:05Yeah, I didn't think that part true.
05:10I should go.
05:11What are you doing out here?
05:13You can't stay out here all day.
05:14Come on, sort it out inside.
05:17Alright.
05:18Come on, she'll be offended if you don't.
05:27Hi, Emily. This is my Nan, Lorna.
05:29Hello, Emily.
05:31Come on in.
05:32You're much prettier when you're not carrying your shoes up the stairs at 3am.
05:38Did he tell you we're having a bit of a party?
05:40No, he did not.
05:42Well, that's my 50th.
05:43Not my birthday.
05:44My anniversary.
05:45I'm a little bit older than 50.
05:47I'll tell you he's going to be very excited to see you.
05:52Morgan?
05:54This is Emily.
05:55Oh.
05:55This is Morgan.
05:56Nice to meet you, Emily.
05:57Nice to meet you.
05:58Happy anniversary.
05:58Oh, thank you.
06:00Look, Emily.
06:00Hop yourself to drinks in the kitchen.
06:02And a baby boy.
06:03Will you get us some music?
06:04Yeah.
06:04Come on.
06:05Oh, ew.
06:07Congratulations.
06:08Baby boy, huh?
06:09Looks cute.
06:10Yeah.
06:15Wow.
06:16Did we walk all the way back to the 1980s?
06:17Yeah.
06:18This was my mum's room.
06:20Huh.
06:21See, parents are good parents.
06:22My mum turned my bedroom into a sewing room while I was still moving my things out.
06:27Is she any good at it?
06:28Fuck no.
06:29It's been many rooms since then.
06:31Think of any white woman hobby and I guarantee it's been that room at least once.
06:35Strapbooking.
06:35Quilting.
06:36You know it.
06:37Last time I was there it was an interior design studio.
06:39I think she thinks having kids held her back from her true calling.
06:49What are we working with here?
06:57Yeah.
06:57Ah.
06:58See where you get your taste from.
07:00Nothing here past 1992.
07:07Ah, there you are.
07:08You came.
07:09Of course.
07:10Any excuse for a few wines.
07:12Hey, this is Ellen.
07:13She's my work friend.
07:14Ah.
07:14Work friend.
07:15Listen to me.
07:16Makes it sound like I'm a 25 year old intern or something.
07:19So how do you know the family?
07:21Ah, Lorna and I know each other from the Salvation Army volunteer weekends.
07:25I got Ryan his interview at the firm we work at.
07:28Sorry.
07:30Do you mind now?
07:31I'll be back.
07:32Yeah.
07:38Do you still want these?
07:39Under the couch.
07:43Not mine.
07:44What the fuck?
07:47She seems nice.
07:49Yeah.
07:50She is.
07:51But?
07:52But?
07:53It's complicated.
07:54You're a forensic accountant.
07:56You deal with complicated every day.
07:58Yeah.
07:58But this is different.
08:00Something's only complicated until you understand it.
08:02Who puts the music on?
08:07Oh, thanks for laughing.
08:09No.
08:10Not hers.
08:11I swear.
08:12If they're not yours, I don't know whose.
08:17They're a robot.
08:18You haven't seen me in a while.
08:21Don't you just leave this?
08:22I want to put on girls just for fun.
08:24Do you remember when it came out?
08:26When it came out?
08:28I remember thinking.
08:29I remember thinking.
08:41Oh my gosh.
08:43Oh my gosh.
08:43Yeah, no but my friend.
08:48Oh no.
08:48Oh!
08:48Oh no.
08:49Oh my gosh.
08:49You trouble me.
08:50Just hell of a...
08:52Oh no.
08:52You're a for?
08:53No you're for?
08:54I'm a for?
08:54No you're a man.
08:57Oh no baby.
08:57No two weeks off.
08:58That's the test tool??
09:06Hey, thanks so much for coming.
09:08Thanks for coming.
09:09Enjoy.
09:13So you've met Uncle Ian?
09:15Great uncle.
09:16He's not bad.
09:16I wouldn't say great.
09:17He makes it sound like he's never said that one before.
09:20You coming tomorrow?
09:21Are you going to be out for it?
09:22I'm always up for it.
09:23It's my job.
09:24This is mid-strength.
09:25How do you complain to this lovely girl?
09:27You should bring her along.
09:29Wouldn't make much of a day.
09:30Where are we going?
09:32Uncle Ian is Reverend Ian at the Uniting Church.
09:35Oh my gosh.
09:36I have just been swearing at you this whole time.
09:39I'm so sorry.
09:40He doesn't give a shit.
09:41It's true.
09:41I don't give a shit.
09:43Don't worry, he's not trying to convert you, are you?
09:44Oh, no, that's not true.
09:45I tried to convert everyone.
09:47Wouldn't be much of a minister if I didn't.
09:48Well, I'll give you there's nothing to convert me from.
09:51I am the daughter of heathens.
09:52Excellent.
09:53All my most successful converts have been heathens.
09:59You okay?
10:00Yes.
10:03Yes.
10:04It was lovely to meet you.
10:06It was lovely to meet you too.
10:15She's interesting.
10:16She is.
10:36You look a little bit lost.
10:42I'm just really not used to these family things.
10:46You don't have family?
10:47I do.
10:48Just not like this.
10:51It's okay to feel lost.
10:53I mean, it's not comfortable, but, you know,
10:55sometimes it clears the path for new things to happen.
11:04I was with someone else when I met him.
11:07Really?
11:08Mm-hmm.
11:10I mean, life rarely gives you what you want when you actually want it.
11:12What happened?
11:14Huh.
11:16Oh.
11:17Drama and heartache.
11:19But what's the alternative when you feel something so strongly?
11:25You know one of the best things about getting older?
11:29You'll realize that the things you worry about now
11:32aren't going to matter in the future.
11:34Yeah.
11:53So, uh,
12:07Speeches! Speeches, everybody!
12:13Hey guys, I just want to welcome you to Morgan and Lorna's 50th wedding anniversary.
12:18I know some of you have come a long way, some from Victoria, New South Wales, Jim and Kate
12:23coming down from Townsville, the three-day drive, thank you. All the rest of you drove about
12:27five or ten minutes, which is not nearly as impressive, but I myself just wandered up from
12:32underneath the house. When I was born, Morgan and Lorna had already been married for 16 years
12:38and they'd been married my whole life and I can't imagine it any other way. They do everything
12:43together, literally. Pop will go with Nan to the shops, just sit on the couch outside Kmart
12:49and wait for her to do her thing. It has nothing to do, hates shopping. They'll just sit there
12:54and wait, even before you had a phone to scroll on. I remember when I was about nine or ten
13:02and
13:03I was sitting with him on the couch waiting for what seemed like hours and I wanted to
13:08go to the bookstore or to the shoe shop, I can't remember, and he said, no, he wouldn't let me
13:14go.
13:15This is where she knows we are. This is where we're going to wait. And now he does have a
13:21phone
13:22and if he wanted to, he could wander off and do his own thing and call her or something,
13:25but he doesn't. He just sits there and tags her in a couple dozen Facebook posts and dirty memes.
13:33And then she gets home later that night and hearts every single one of them to let him know
13:37that she's sitting there. When they first met, they'd known each other from around the traps,
13:42but they were talked. And then one day at a working bee, Pop was on lunch and he was making
13:47a cup of tea and he decided to make then one. She said, thank you. And they started chatting.
13:53And by the end of the chat, he'd asked her on a date. And two months later, they were married.
14:01Yeah. I don't think you've made a cup of tea ever since, have you?
14:04No, no, no.
14:06Anyway, say some words, mate.
14:10Thank you all for coming. We don't usually celebrate this day, but 50 years is a long time
14:21and we haven't had one of these since, well, you know, it's been a while.
14:30Don't really know what to say. Oh, I guess I want to thank my beautiful wife for putting
14:37up with me. Thank you, Lorna. Yeah. Thank you for coming. It means a lot.
14:45So, um, have a drink for us and you can have one for Nora too. Uh, yeah. Um, yeah, all
14:56right. Um, thank you.
14:59It was beautiful.
15:12Last job, Jo.
15:21Hey, move back.
15:33She looks so young.
15:35She was young.
15:36Fifteen there, that same together.
15:38A week before her sixteenth birthday.
15:40It was an ideal, of course.
15:43But she was good with him.
15:45Very sweet.
15:46She had a beautiful voice, too.
15:48Really?
15:49Yeah, she sang in the choir.
15:51The loudest one there.
15:53Not a show-off, nothing like that,
15:54but you just knew who it was coming from.
15:59That's what I miss the most.
16:02I used to sit in a chair in the afternoon
16:05and hear her singing to him when he was little.
16:08She was the only one who could put him to sleep.
16:11Nobody else could.
16:12Problem child?
16:13No, no, no, no.
16:15He was just like her, though.
16:18Both picked up on the same things.
16:21Both tuned to the same frequency, I think,
16:23that he was better equipped for it, though.
16:31She just got lost somewhere.
16:36Don't know what went wrong.
16:40Wish I did.
16:43Oh, look, I'm sorry.
16:44This is not a very good introduction to us, is it?
16:47What is?
16:48Hey, Roddy.
17:05That was a beautiful speech.
17:06Shit.
17:09I'm sorry about your mom.
17:12I had no idea.
17:15Yeah.
17:17She was 19 when she died.
17:20She was in and out of trouble
17:22and ended up dying of an overdose.
17:25Did Nan tell you she was 15 when she had me?
17:28She was a baby.
17:29I wouldn't go that far.
17:30Most 15-year-olds aren't out shoplifting and partying
17:33and doing drugs
17:33whilst their baby is at home
17:34with these stressed grandparents.
17:37Do you know what happened?
17:39She escaped rehab.
17:41Went missing for a couple of weeks.
17:42Not like in the movies.
17:44Just some random teen camp out in the country.
17:48I took her there a couple of times.
17:50At first it was all good.
17:52She was apparently very serious
17:53about being responsible for a while.
17:55Obviously that didn't stick.
17:58The second time I guess she just couldn't take it.
18:03And said she really didn't want to go that time.
18:07And so she jumped the fence and took off one night.
18:18They found her a couple of weeks later in the city
18:20in some random house.
18:22Said she probably died a few days earlier.
18:26That's awful.
18:27Yeah.
18:30Oh.
18:36Yeah, Nan told me once she felt like a sense of relief.
18:40In the end.
18:43They'd been waiting years for that phone call.
18:45Years of constant anxiety and worry.
18:47And then it was over.
18:51She was sad, of course.
18:52And relieved.
18:55What about your grandpa?
18:56I don't know.
18:58I think we all just remember her differently.
18:59Too soon.
19:06No, no, no, no.
19:09Oh.
19:17Do you want to go?
19:18Yeah.
19:21No, no, no, no.
19:23No, no, no, no, no.
19:26I won't be.
19:26No.
19:27No.
19:27Yeah.
19:27Oh.
19:27No.
19:27Oh.
19:29What about your grandpa?
19:39I should go.
19:43Lucky to stay.
20:01I just want you to be happy.
20:31I just want you.
20:59I just want you to be happy.
21:26I love that.
21:30Do we have a game plan?
21:32Listen, I've got a list, but I am prone to impulse.
21:35We could end up with a lot of spontaneous purchases.
21:38You need me to run you in? Just one of the ground rules here.
21:40I mean, you can try. You'll never convince me in a moment though. Everything is an amazing video.
21:47No thanks.
21:53Mike says fucking graves.
22:00Do you have reception?
22:04Just gone to no bars.
22:05Oh man. You think they do this on purpose?
22:09What? Create huge shells of metal and concrete to block reception so you can't look at your phone and compare
22:13places?
22:14Probably.
22:15I do have free wifi.
22:17Ew, I don't use public wifi. You don't use public wifi, do you?
22:20It's free.
22:21Public wifi is like public toilets. You stay out.
22:26Oh, you don't use public toilets too, do you?
22:29Of course.
22:30But guys don't have to sit down, no surface contact.
22:32What a charmed life you lead.
22:35Ooh, cutlery.
22:37If you gain bucks.
22:39Done.
22:46Do you think this couch is me?
22:47Could be.
22:48Well I'd be.
22:49You never know until you try it.
22:53I think that pineapple is staring at you.
22:56Yeah.
22:58Do you want money or something?
23:01Hey.
23:02Hi Stan.
23:04I'm so sorry.
23:05He's got ADHD.
23:06It's fine.
23:07I'm a big fan of pineapple.
23:08It has a lot of health benefits.
23:10They had a back to school dress up day, which was supposed to be job themed.
23:15You want to be a pineapple when you grow up?
23:16No.
23:17The suit's from last year's fruit day.
23:19He didn't want to be the only kid not dressing up, but he doesn't know what he wants to be.
23:23It's okay.
23:24None of us do.
23:25There are worse things to be than a pineapple.
23:27I believe you could do it.
23:30Goodbye.
23:36Can we stay here forever?
23:39No.
23:40Come on.
23:44Everyone has ADHD these days.
23:46Is anyone still just a rude, weird asshole?
23:49You calling that little pineapple an asshole?
23:51No.
23:52He was cute enough.
23:53But let him be weird and awkward and see what happens.
23:56It could turn out to be really fun.
23:57These are very nice.
24:0018 pieces for 40 bucks.
24:02That is very good.
24:03Should I get two?
24:05The dinner parties?
24:06How many friends do you have?
24:07I don't have any friends.
24:08But I use all my dishes and I like clean things.
24:11I just don't like cleaning things.
24:14That sounded pathetic.
24:16I'm not a loser.
24:17Okay.
24:18I have friends.
24:19I think.
24:21How many friends do you have?
24:24Let me see.
24:25None.
24:25I don't have any friends.
24:27Really?
24:28I mean, I used to have a drink with people from school once a year
24:31and work friends like Helen, but now I don't really hang out with anyone.
24:35Yeah, me neither.
24:37We losers.
24:39I mean, I don't really feel like a loser, do you?
24:41Yes, I do.
24:43How do we not have any friends?
24:44We're amazing people.
24:46I would love to be friends with us.
25:01This article says that millennials have the least amount of friends of all the generations.
25:05What did you search?
25:07Why don't I have any friends?
25:08Are you getting a signal?
25:10I'm on the Wi-Fi.
25:1327% of millennials have no close friends.
25:1630% have no best friend.
25:1820% report having no friends at all.
25:20I like the worst segment of that.
25:22Overall, 30% of millennials report feeling often or always lonely.
25:25significantly higher than other generations.
25:28Wow.
25:30Do you feel lonely?
25:33Yeah.
25:34I do.
25:37Sometimes.
25:40Ooh, spatula.
25:42$1.50.
25:43Or I could get two for $6.
25:46As an accountant?
25:47I mean, it's more, but you get two.
25:49That's two meals before I have to do the dishes.
25:51Why not two of the cheap ones?
25:52Well, these ones have solid acacia wood handles.
25:57Is that good?
25:59Sounds good.
26:00Well, it sounds like you already know what you want.
26:02Hey, I'm cheap, but I'm easily swayed.
26:05And these could end up as your spatulas too if you buy your cards right.
26:08Well, I love the wood ones.
26:10Really?
26:11Me too.
26:12Good choice.
26:16How is this display bed so much nicer than mine?
26:19Good.
26:20Well, next payday, I'm getting a new bed.
26:23Or a deposit on one.
26:26Are you a spooner?
26:28Didn't you meet with me?
26:29I never turn my back on anybody.
26:31That's how they get you.
26:33Good.
26:34I'm more of a turn-in-me-in-the-middle kind of guy.
26:40Oh, this is nice, right?
26:45The real people actually stayed.
26:47I'm sure some people do somewhere.
26:50We've been swapping left and right these past few weeks.
26:53What side do you naturally sleep on?
26:56Traditionally, I fall on the left.
26:57Uh-oh.
26:58Me too.
27:00More flippy for it?
27:02Do you have a coin?
27:02I have an app.
27:05Installed?
27:06Uh-huh.
27:06How often do you use that?
27:07Oh, you'd be surprised how often I use it.
27:10Okay.
27:12Heads or tails?
27:13Tails.
27:14Interesting.
27:18My phone died.
27:20Can you charge it on the way?
27:22Hey, this is my workhorse.
27:24Texts, emails, notes, research.
27:26My entire life is on this thing.
27:28And I forgot to charge it last night.
27:31How often do you charge yours?
27:33Once every couple of days.
27:35What a life you live.
27:37It's okay.
27:38I have a charge on it.
27:47I forgot to charge the charge on it.
27:50Okay.
27:51Let's keep it moving.
27:53Still no reception?
27:55This is like a horror movie.
27:57Big maze.
27:58No phone signal.
27:59You should have listened to the old man at the gas station.
28:01He did say a lot of people go missing around these parts.
28:05Pull yourself together.
28:06Focus.
28:07You've got to get to higher ground to see if we can get a signal.
28:09Come on.
28:35You idiot.
28:37But I'm your idiot.
28:40I like this, but I don't see the bin in this color.
28:43Why don't you just get a different color bin?
28:45Have you been paying any attention to my card?
28:47I've got a color scheme going on here.
28:50Change of plans.
28:51What about black?
28:52Do you see your toothbrush parked in a black toothbrush holder?
28:56The black is a bit too intense.
28:57What about the aqua one?
28:59It's turquoise, but yeah.
29:01I like it.
29:03Good choice.
29:03But now we have to redo the whole thing.
29:05Do you ever know you've been in the bathroom for?
29:06Do you know anything?
29:07About women?
29:08You're really throwing up red flags here, don't you?
29:12Red flags to look for when dating a new man.
29:15This should be good.
29:16He's over 30 and still lives with his parents.
29:19Technicality.
29:20Grandparents.
29:20Or is that worse?
29:21I don't think so.
29:22I think you've got a pretty sweet setup going on.
29:24It's kind of separate from the main house.
29:26I'll give you a pass on this one.
29:27Well, thank you.
29:30When was this quiz written?
29:311980.
29:32You can barely afford the rent on this single place.
29:34If that's a red flag, then we are all fucked in this economy.
29:38He seems a little too perfect.
29:40We'll see.
29:44He promotes an alpha attitude.
29:47He spends more time with his friends.
29:49God, they're really digging in the boot, huh?
29:52Pass.
29:55Are you allowed to do that?
29:57Well, it's not stealing.
29:58It's going to be mine in 20 minutes.
30:02He is not emotionally open.
30:04See, I don't really get that.
30:05What does that even mean?
30:06Well, I think it just means you're forthcoming and honest about your feelings.
30:10I mean, I feel like I've been pretty honest with you so far, haven't I?
30:12Yeah, you have.
30:13As far as I know.
30:14All right.
30:15Did you want me to tell you every single thing that I'm feeling?
30:18Because I've done the open book thing before and it's never really worked out.
30:21That's interesting.
30:22Unpack that for me.
30:24I mean, I do this thing where I understand people pretty quickly.
30:27And when I express my observations in an open-hearted way, they tend to get mad.
30:32Doesn't really sound like you're being emotionally honest about yourself, though.
30:35It sort of just sounds like you're talking at people, which sort of sounds a bit rude.
30:42Noted.
30:44Noted.
30:46He's over 30 and never had a long-term relationship.
30:49Ooh.
30:50Go.
30:50What was your longest relationship?
30:52Five years.
30:53Wait, what?
30:55When?
30:5525 to 30.
30:57What happened?
30:59The kind of just played itself out.
31:01Oh, come on.
31:02You have to give me more than that.
31:04What was she like?
31:06What was her name?
31:07Did you ever get engaged at any point?
31:09Come on.
31:10You have to give me something.
31:11Her name was Sam.
31:12Mm-hmm.
31:13And she was great.
31:14It wasn't her fault.
31:15And no, we were never engaged.
31:17How?
31:18Sorry.
31:19This is none of my business.
31:21No, it's fine.
31:21I just never really asked.
31:24It shouldn't have gone on for as long as it did.
31:28I knew it wasn't really going to last and it wasn't really fair on her.
31:31How'd you know?
31:33I mean, you just know, right?
31:35Yep.
31:38Okay.
31:39So, obvious relationship?
31:40No.
31:41Excuse me.
31:42This isn't red flags for dude, Squiz.
31:44That's fair.
31:47Okay, fine.
31:49Two years.
31:50With David.
31:51But by circumstance.
31:52We got a little locked in by the old pandemic.
31:56And what about before that?
31:58Yes, just a couple of months.
32:01Really?
32:01A couple of months.
32:02Is that it?
32:05Wait, am I the red flag here?
32:14He avoids talk of commitment and remains elusive about the future.
32:17Well, I did ask you to marry me if you're not.
32:19But that has been a problem in the past.
32:23David asked me to marry him after a year.
32:26Really?
32:27What was your answer?
32:28Nothing.
32:29I just ran to the bathroom and he never brought it up again.
32:32He has a history of cheating.
32:34Never.
32:35Never?
32:37Past, obviously.
32:39But never before.
32:41Have you ever been cheated on?
32:43Nope.
32:44Well, I don't think so.
32:45Not that I know of.
32:46I have.
32:47Well, I'm not going to do that.
32:49You know, that's what they all say.
32:50Yeah, but I'm not them.
32:51I'm me.
32:53You know, I didn't even have a proper boyfriend until after high school.
32:55Find it hard to believe.
32:57Well, believe it.
32:58And when I did, I got the big fish.
33:00The most popular guy at school.
33:02The captain of the football team?
33:04No.
33:04The thing about my school is that the douche-wags were the cool kids.
33:08Ugh, it was so dumb.
33:10I was just so over the moon that he had picked me, that somebody had picked me.
33:14I'd been a real nobody at school.
33:16Come on.
33:17No, it's true.
33:18Anyone will tell you.
33:19And they'll all tell you how lucky I was.
33:22And I believed it.
33:23I was somebody for like three months.
33:26And he was cheating on me the entire time.
33:29And everyone knew.
33:30And they still said I was lucky.
33:32Because I was the public girlfriend I fucked up about.
33:35What's up there?
33:37And I was with my sister.
33:39What?
33:41Yeah, I come from a town where everyone fucks everyone and nobody gets out alive.
33:45Except you.
33:47Did I, though?
33:50Still talk to her?
33:51Not if I can avoid it.
33:53A couple of times a year.
33:54Five minutes on birthdays and things.
33:57They have a kid now.
33:58They?
33:59Yeah, they're still together.
34:00They're married.
34:02Holy shit.
34:03Yeah.
34:05That's fine, though.
34:06They were built for that place.
34:08I dodged a bullet and they seemed happy, I think.
34:12But still.
34:13Yeah, but still.
34:16What?
34:18These are serial data with little or no gaps between relationships.
34:21Okay, you know what?
34:22This quiz is fucking stupid.
34:24If everyone uses this as a yardstick to decide and define their relationships, it's no wonder everyone is alone and
34:31miserable.
34:32I mean, who can pass this shit?
34:34We failed half of this stupid quiz.
34:36And yet, here we are.
34:38Here we are.
34:41Here we are.
34:42Yeah, fuck em.
34:4628, 29.
34:54This one?
34:5525.
34:56Don't stop.
34:57Oh!
35:00I think it's heavy.
35:05You're welcome.
35:15So this is my shop.
35:19It's the best I've ever.
35:23So I've been making my way through your reviews and articles.
35:25Uh-oh.
35:26Very funny.
35:29No, I knew you were like funny in real life and everything, but you were a great writer too.
35:34That's very nice of you.
35:36And I read your short story.
35:37Wait, what?
35:38My short story?
35:40How did you keep inside by stalking me?
35:43Yeah, you inspired me.
35:44Did you not draw through my social media and find out everything you could about me?
35:47Fair enough.
35:49Then now you're an award-winning author.
35:50Oh, second place.
35:52Did you get a trophy?
35:53I got a certificate.
35:55That's an award.
35:57Okay.
35:59The whole contest folded a year later.
36:01I think the bar was getting pretty low.
36:03Good.
36:06Thanks.
36:07I loved it.
36:09And the air was filled with coconut smoke and the dense tang of a hundred clashing fragrances.
36:14Oh.
36:14That was my favorite line.
36:17You get paid to do what you do, which would stand to reason that you're good at it, right?
36:22Or really good at it.
36:23Okay, is this going to be one of those, you're too good for what you're doing things?
36:28No.
36:29No.
36:29I'm just letting you know that I think you're great at what you do.
36:41So, are you good at accounting?
36:44Yep.
36:45But I'm not going to make you read a bunch of spreadsheets.
36:49What you do is quantifiable.
36:52Entertaining talent, people like that.
37:01I almost had one of those.
37:04I had one more.
37:05My kid.
37:07Really?
37:08Right at the start of lockdown.
37:11Oh.
37:11Now, I was probably pregnant the last time I saw you and I didn't even know it yet.
37:15Oh, wow.
37:16Yeah.
37:17Good thing that you didn't hit on me then, huh?
37:22What happened?
37:25It didn't take.
37:26I miscarried after 15 weeks.
37:29I've got a septate uterus.
37:31What?
37:32My uterus is like a nose.
37:34It has a septum running through the middle.
37:36Wow.
37:37Never heard of that before.
37:38Yeah.
37:39Neither had I.
37:41But I'm hopefully going to get it fixed now that elective surgeries are back on.
37:44So don't worry, you're not going to be saddled with some vaginal freak show or something.
37:53I did ask the doctor if I could ever have kids and he said, we'll see.
37:58So that's a very cool thing to carry around at 35.
38:02I'm sorry.
38:03Really?
38:04Did that happen to you?
38:05It is what it is.
38:06That's what they say, right?
38:10Something like that.
38:16Can I be honest?
38:19This is such a horrible thing to say, but I was actually kind of relieved.
38:24How did David take it?
38:26Very cavalier.
38:27Very pragmatic.
38:29I mean, he is a doctor after all.
38:31He was like, it's okay.
38:33Just wasn't meant to be.
38:36And I was like, this whole fucking thing isn't meant to be.
38:41And I knew there and then, I think he did too.
38:45But we stayed in it anyway.
38:48I've always been really scared of being alone.
38:51And then the pandemic hit and suddenly everyone is isolated.
38:57I mean, I didn't even see anyone really other than David for like two years.
39:03And so I was scared of leaving him because I didn't want to be truly alone.
39:07But I was still lonely, even when I was with him.
39:15After we lost the baby, I don't think either of us wanted to lose anything else.
39:22I don't think human beings are meant to be stuck at home alone.
39:26I think we're meant to be out in the world, living.
39:29Getting meatballs at Ikea.
39:33Yeah.
39:37A kid would be like over a year now.
39:40I mean, can you imagine me with a kid?
39:43I can barely take care of myself.
39:46Yeah.
39:48Yeah.
40:00Yeah, that's the story.
40:02As you're out, if any of that is a deal-breaker for you.
40:06It's not a deal-breaker for me.
40:09Even after all that?
40:10Especially after all that.
40:13As far as skeletons go, you're doing fine.
40:29Sorry.
40:34What's up?
40:37Antonio quit.
40:39A CEO and his company just shut down the entire online publishing section.
40:49I think I just lost my job.
40:51No.
40:54No.