- 5 days ago
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TVTranscript
00:12I'm part of the two-star club, bitch.
00:15Call me the Hollywood Walk of Fame, bitch.
00:17All the stars.
00:19Walk all over me.
00:21Congratulations, ladies.
00:23You also got the $10,000.
00:25Money.
00:26Finally.
00:27Jada has three stars.
00:30What the hell?
00:31That's crazy.
00:33I had this fantasy in my mind that I was going to be the first and only queen to get
00:37three stars.
00:38And I did.
00:40See, sometimes it pays off to be delusional.
00:44It's very weird to be like a star ahead of anybody else in the competition.
00:48It's kind of crazy.
00:49But you technically would have three stars as of today had you not been blocked.
00:54What?
00:57You're blocked.
00:59That was so week one.
01:01We've grown past that, right?
01:04Happily?
01:06Let's be real.
01:07I am slaying the game.
01:09And I would be in the lead if it wasn't for Shady Ass Shay.
01:13Rethinking my block, honey.
01:16Oh.
01:17Oh, she's going right.
01:21Hit her.
01:21Hit her.
01:24Let me sit next to my good sis.
01:27Why'd you block me?
01:30Um, rationally, it came down to y'all too.
01:32You both have two stars.
01:35Neither one of y'all have been blocked yet.
01:36And then she was in the top, so it just came down to you.
01:40That's legit.
01:41I'll take it up to the handle.
01:43I will be honest.
01:44I thought maybe jinx-y-poo a little bit, but she's been blocked already.
01:48She's been blocked more than my eyebrows.
01:51Imagine if you got blocked today.
01:53I would have been cracking up.
01:54I'm trying to be cool about it.
01:56I'm trying to be like, yeah, man, whatever.
01:59And at the same time, I feel like, don't look at me.
02:02Don't look at me.
02:04Don't you look at me with that block.
02:07Who has two stars?
02:09Not me.
02:10Two.
02:10Two.
02:11And I have two.
02:12Three.
02:13One.
02:13One.
02:14One.
02:16How do y'all think that, like, anybody's gonna make a path to get to the finale?
02:20Because there's only a few more weeks left.
02:23Four challenges left.
02:24So, I mean, technically, at the moment, with one star, we'd have to be in the top at least twice
02:29more.
02:29Oh my god, Viv, shut the fuck up.
02:31Which is even more frustrating.
02:33I'm not saying that I'm, like, a mathematician or anything, but those numbers don't look good to me.
02:42Which I need to win every week.
02:44Four of the girls up in this workroom are going to the finale.
02:47With only four weeks left, girl, how am I supposed to win enough stars?
02:53Go-go gadget math symbols, because I'm sitting here, bald-headed, with one star.
02:59I feel raggedy as hell.
03:01I'm geeks, bitch.
03:03When I started the competition, we were, like, murking bitches.
03:07And now we're just here, like,
03:08Hey!
03:11I know for a fact that I'm one of the fiercest bitches here.
03:14It just doesn't add up. It just doesn't make it sense.
03:16So, I need to put the pedal to the metal, bring my belt up to my nipples, strap in, and
03:23make the star appear in my clutches.
03:26Three stars, Data's got the three stars.
03:28Please, Bru, may I have some more?
03:34Get out of here. I gotta urinate.
03:38The winner of RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars receives a one-year supply of Anastasia Beverly Hills Cosmetics, a cash
03:44prize of $200,000, and will be crowned queen of all queens.
03:50With extra-special guest judge, writer and director, Janixa Bravo.
03:55You're all very great. Play the best, Jack Queen win, Jack Queen win.
04:04Guys!
04:06Ooh!
04:06Ooh, Raiza!
04:08She said Mozao.
04:10Good morning, meine Lieblings!
04:13It's a brand new day and-
04:14I've got the whole world in front of me.
04:18The world is full of possibilities for a young Jinx monsoon.
04:23Well, Monet, you did not get the memo of black and white are off-white.
04:28That's a new alliance, Monet.
04:29Oh, guys, what it says, everybody except Monet Alliance.
04:33Oh, my God.
04:34Oh!
04:37Oh, girl!
04:39She's already the hair herses.
04:42Hey, hoes.
04:43Who comes but once a year and still ain't nobody complaining?
04:48So you better sit on his lap and make it rain, dear, or he'll give you something to really scream
04:55about.
04:57Oh, my God, it's Christmas in an undescript month.
05:01We're about to get a huge package.
05:05Hello, hello, hello.
05:07Come on, suit.
05:09My legend, it's the most wonderful time of the year.
05:14Halloween.
05:19Well, for this week's Maxi Challenge, you'll be starring in the soon-to-be cult classic, Santa's School for Girls.
05:29Hashtag All-Star7.
05:31Now, it's part Christmas movie, part horror film, part mean girls.
05:37Yeah.
05:38And, yes, it came to me in an ayahuasca dream.
05:44Now, Trinity, since you won last week, you'll be in charge of assigning the roles.
05:53Later today, you'll head to the set, where you'll be working with me and our extra-special guest judge,
06:00the writer and director of the acclaimed film, Zola.
06:04That's right.
06:05Janixa Bravo will be here.
06:09Racers, start your engines, and may the best legend win.
06:17Oh, my gosh.
06:19Yeah.
06:20Oh, no, it's nipple.
06:22This week's Maxi Challenge is the soon-to-be cult classic, Santa's School for Girls.
06:28This is the legend season.
06:29We need this to be Oscar-worthy, not straight to DVD.
06:33Do you all want to, like, read over everything, and then we can, like, decide?
06:36I have the task of casting this production.
06:41That is a lot of pressure.
06:43Nutmegan Kelly, the headmistress, Christmas traditionalist.
06:47There's something sinister about her.
06:49We want to make Christmas great again.
06:52Oh, God.
06:55Miss Toe, the cool teacher.
06:57Noelle, the new girl.
06:59Open-minded, unique, and the funky style.
07:01And then there's the naughty girls, starting with Scrooge.
07:04A goth girl with Rizzo attitude.
07:06And then there's Hannah, the nerd.
07:09The nice girls.
07:10Mary, the leader.
07:11Regina George type.
07:13Okay.
07:14Okay.
07:15A Holly, the shopaholic.
07:17Joy, the dumb one.
07:18Always the last to get the joke.
07:20I like nog-aging.
07:22Nog-egg.
07:23Nog-egg.
07:24Oh, I get it.
07:25I like nog-egg.
07:26I mean eggnog.
07:27I thought you were doing the character.
07:29How the hell worked?
07:31I think you've just assigned Joy to you.
07:33I want to make a list.
07:35I'm going to try to place everybody with what they want.
07:38I say Hannah or Joy.
07:40Okay.
07:41Headmistress, nutmeg-in, or Miss Toe.
07:44Noelle.
07:45Nutmeg-in, the headmistress.
07:47Scrooge.
07:48DeViv, since you let me pick the fabric first.
07:53Trini.
07:54Yay!
07:54I'm going to let you have your first choice.
07:56Ooh.
07:56Which was nutmeg.
07:59Okay.
07:59I got my first pick.
08:00What's everyone else get?
08:01I'm going to go with Joy.
08:02Shea.
08:03We'll do Noelle for you.
08:04Jada do Hannah.
08:06Evie.
08:06We'll do Mary for you.
08:08Raja.
08:08You're Scrooge.
08:10Jinx, since nutmeg-in is taken.
08:12Miss Toe.
08:12I'm also open to Miss Toe as well.
08:18I know that Jinx will do a great job as Miss Toe, but you know what?
08:22Jinx has won three challenges.
08:23She has two stars.
08:24So I'm not going to let her come up in here and win and get a third star.
08:27Absolutely not.
08:28We could do auditions.
08:30I live for the auditions.
08:31Okay.
08:32Beautiful girls.
08:33As the great Bob Diana Ross once said, we don't make mistakes, just happy little accidents.
08:39Yeah.
08:41Beautiful girls.
08:42And as the great Bob Diana Ross once said, we don't make mistakes, just happy accidents.
08:49Oh, this is Jinx.
08:50Me and Monet have an alliance, and we're not out to be shady towards anybody, but we are
08:58looking after each other.
08:59And so I'll do Miss Toe for you.
09:03Okay.
09:04So Jinx, you're Holly.
09:09Oh, gosh.
09:13It's a super fun script.
09:14I think the headmistress is stuck in a time capsule.
09:16She still thinks she's in, like, old Hollywood.
09:20She's going to be this very transatlantic Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford, crazy behind the
09:23eyes, very shoulders.
09:26And I'm going to be dead behind the eyes.
09:30Headmistress with an evil side.
09:32I mean, come on.
09:34This is a role of a lifetime.
09:36I've been dreaming of playing this part since I was four years old.
09:38I'm just going to go Joan Crawford all the way.
09:41Don't fuck with me, fellas.
09:43This ain't my first time at the rodeo.
09:47Let's go.
09:51Do you like your role?
09:52Um, yes.
09:54Uh, you know, she's the straight character, but it's just about finding those nuances.
09:59How about you?
10:00I, like, could totally see, like, 90s grunge, like, gothic Raja.
10:05Scrooge the goth girl basically is, like, Nancy from The Craft.
10:09She's a little bit Lydia in Beetlejuice.
10:11I really wanted that one just because I, you know, I didn't need a ton of lines, but, you
10:15know, I like a look.
10:16Yeah.
10:18She's like a, she's a professional eye roller.
10:20Yeah.
10:20She's like, me.
10:22Yeah.
10:22So pretty much me.
10:22I love this character.
10:24This character actually might be, like, eight different girls that I had a crush on when
10:27I was in high school.
10:28So I get it.
10:29I know this person.
10:30She's angsty.
10:31She's like, oh, whatever.
10:32You know, kind of me.
10:34This is such a tight race, and it's going to be such a tight race, I feel like, down to
10:38the last star.
10:39I have three stars, so I feel like I can see a way to the top, especially if I win
10:45another
10:45challenge.
10:46But, I mean, there are some really good actors in this group of people.
10:50I know there are.
10:51There's a lot of really-
10:52This challenge is going to be difficult.
10:54I have to stay focused.
10:55Keep your mind right in your ass.
10:56Keep your ass right.
10:57No.
10:59Keep your ass right in your mind, Apollo.
11:02But, switchies.
11:04The diggies.
11:07I'm going to need to check in on you.
11:08Why?
11:10Because, I mean, I know that that's not what you wanted.
11:13I wasn't trying to be, like, not giving you what you wanted.
11:16I really tried to give everybody what they wanted.
11:18I'm not bitter.
11:19Okay.
11:19I just needed to breathe through not getting any of the roles I wanted.
11:22Yeah.
11:23I'm sorry.
11:24If anything, it's an even bigger challenge to shine in one of the smaller roles you didn't
11:28want, so.
11:29Well, I didn't even realize how small mine was.
11:32Well, I'm just going to have- I'm literally, if I have, like, five lines, I'm going to make
11:36them the longest lines in the whole scene.
11:37Yeah, no, I get drawn out.
11:40Admittedly, I'm not happy with my role, but I know my skills.
11:44I know what I'm good at.
11:45I know I can take the smallest character and make it stand out.
11:50Scrudge.
11:52Scrudge.
11:53Scrudge.
11:54And now, I'm just excited to be Holly for the next however many hours this is going to
12:00take.
12:21Oh, dear.
12:27This week's maxi challenge will be acting and starring in Santa's School for Girls.
12:32Rue, I'm ready for my close-up.
12:36Young female ingenue, check.
12:39Say hello to Genexa Bravo.
12:42Hi.
12:44Hi, thank you so much for having me.
12:46I am such a fan of all of you.
12:48I can't wait to play with you today.
12:50Yes, that's right.
12:51You're in the capable hands of an A-list director.
12:55Am I really auditioning for a role?
12:56Genexa, hire me, girl.
12:58I got to put my big girl panty acting on.
13:00Wait, I got to put my big girl acting panties on.
13:03Okay, Shay and Viv are first.
13:05And action.
13:07Welcome to Santa's School for Girls.
13:11Thanks, headmistress Nutmegan.
13:13Noelle, please, please, Noelle.
13:15Call me Nutmeg.
13:17That was fantastic.
13:18What you're doing is magical, and I love how you're playing with your mouth and how you're moving through it.
13:23Between the two of you, I would try to lose some of the air.
13:26It could be a bit snappier.
13:27Cool.
13:28And action.
13:29Oh, thank you, headmistress Nutmegan.
13:32Noelle, please, please, Noelle.
13:34Call me Nutmeg.
13:35Listen, Noelle.
13:38It's Santa's...
13:40I'm sorry.
13:41I'm sorry.
13:44And meanwhile, your ass looks meant.
13:48Your ass is doing all the acting that you have ever needed.
13:53All right, that's a wrap.
13:54Phone my agent.
13:55Quick.
13:56What's the new Hollywood blockbuster?
13:57I mean, I'm in Hollywood.
13:58There's no point in going home now.
14:01And action.
14:03This is Mary, Holly, and Joy, the nice girls.
14:07Hail Santa.
14:10And cut for the Hail Santa.
14:11I think that's a great place to kind of try and find the unity, right?
14:14Because what I'm feeling is three individuals as opposed to, like, one kind of nucleus.
14:19Does that make sense?
14:20Yeah.
14:22Hail Santa.
14:25You still believe in Santa?
14:29And cut.
14:30In the moment where Shay says, you still believe in Santa, it would be amazing to have some
14:35kind of, like, individual big feeling about what that is.
14:39Like the...
14:39Yes, yes, you know.
14:41But feel it, like, from your feet up.
14:43Awesome.
14:43Let's go again.
14:44You guys still believe in Santa?
14:47As in the jolly fat guy?
14:49And cut.
14:49I feel we want to get a little bit bigger.
14:52Yeah.
14:55As in the jolly old fat guy?
14:59Yes, you know.
15:02And cut.
15:03That was beautiful.
15:03That was so fun.
15:05It was individual but unified.
15:08I am in love with Janixa Bravo.
15:11She is possibly the best, most dedicated person I have ever seen in that director's seat.
15:17Plus, she speaks in the hippie words that I understand.
15:20Energy.
15:21Energy.
15:21It still had a good deal of energy, and that was just really exciting.
15:24Divine.
15:25Divine.
15:25The delivery feels divine.
15:28Manifest.
15:29I really still want to be able to feel you.
15:31We can vibe.
15:32And I'm going to give her my best because of it.
15:34All right, moving on to our second setup.
15:37I love your dress.
15:38They look so real.
15:39They are real.
15:40I took off that ball cap I've been wearing all season.
15:43I was like, I've had it.
15:45I want to show you the real me.
15:50Action.
15:51Absolutely beautiful, girls.
15:53As the late, great Bob Diana Ross once said, we don't make mistakes, just a happy little accident.
16:00And cut.
16:01You're doing this Womana voice.
16:03Yeah.
16:03I think Monet's regular voice is Womana enough for me.
16:06Okay.
16:07Can I hear you say the first few lines without sounding like Janice from The Muppet?
16:13And action.
16:15Absolutely beautiful, girls.
16:17Oh, as the great Bob Diana Ross said, we don't make mistakes, just a happy little accident.
16:24That felt so much better.
16:26I don't know if that felt better for you.
16:28It did, it did.
16:28It did, right?
16:29I felt who Monet is as a teacher.
16:31I felt Earth Mother in there.
16:33Oh, yeah.
16:34I'll do it that way.
16:37And action.
16:38Noelle, why are you over there talking to those losers?
16:41I heard they're here on scholarship.
16:46Scholarship?
16:46I've never gotten a scholarship.
16:49In fact, my parents have to pay extra for me to even come here.
16:54And cut.
16:55Jada, I just want to commend you on your physicality.
16:57Even when you weren't speaking, you were so inside of that character.
17:00And I think that that's so beautiful and it shines.
17:02So, bravo.
17:04And then Trinity, instead of going dumb and giggly, you're going, ah.
17:09She laughs at her own dumbness.
17:11But it's not like, oh, help me.
17:13Okay, so just be dumb and silly.
17:14Dumb and silly and fun.
17:15You love being dumb.
17:17Okay, I love being dumb.
17:18Yeah.
17:19Yeah, take pleasure in your absence.
17:21Okay.
17:21That's great.
17:22I love this direction for me.
17:25I've never even gotten a scholarship.
17:27In fact, my parents paid extra for me to even be here.
17:34Cut.
17:35I saw the pleasure in your absence.
17:37It was funnier.
17:39Okay, good.
17:40Hello.
17:41Award-winning stupid.
17:43And action.
17:46Miss Scrooge, you're late.
17:49Sorry, I was giving my boyfriend a frosty.
17:53Oh, come, all ye faithful.
17:55And cut.
17:57Raja, you were wonderful.
17:58I love your attitude coming in.
18:00That was so good.
18:00That swagger was so good.
18:02I want to also be super pointed when you deliver that line.
18:06Okay.
18:06And action.
18:07Sorry, I was giving my boyfriend a frosty.
18:12Oh, come, all ye faithful.
18:16Ew.
18:17Ew.
18:17So cute.
18:19And cut.
18:21That felt great.
18:22I loved how you sold your line, Raja.
18:24Like this.
18:25Ultimately, I want to make people laugh through this character and show an endearing side to her.
18:30You know, maybe she's going through a lot.
18:31Maybe there's a reason why she's so angsty.
18:33And that has to come through as well.
18:35You know, acting.
18:37Method.
18:38We got to move on.
18:39Great.
18:40Action.
18:41Come on, girls.
18:42Let's go brush our teeth and trim our trees in case Santa comes in the night.
18:48And cut.
18:49I have a question.
18:51Is there some joke to be had around, let's go brush our teeth and trim our trees in case Santa
18:56comes in the night?
18:57Does cum do something for you?
19:00I'm doing a lot for me.
19:01Okay, great.
19:02Yeah, I would play with that.
19:03I want to hear it more.
19:05So I would just color those lines a little bit more so I can hear the sort of waxing of
19:10the crotch and then the potential humming.
19:12Right?
19:12Like I want to hear both of those.
19:14Let's try one more.
19:15And have fun.
19:16Loosen it up.
19:17Come on, girls.
19:18Let's go brush our teeth and trim our trees in case Santa comes in the night.
19:26Amazing.
19:26Amazing.
19:27I thought Santa was coming.
19:29Stupid.
19:30That's great.
19:31Stupid.
19:31I think we have it.
19:32Stupid.
19:33We got it.
19:34We definitely got it.
19:35That was beautiful.
19:36I think Paramount Plus is going to be calling for the series.
19:39Yes.
19:44Are we drunk at that?
19:45We're drunk.
19:46Right.
19:47Oh my God, we're both too old for this.
19:50Oh my God.
19:50We're both six years younger.
19:52Oh my God.
19:52Okay, wait.
19:54Take it in, bitch.
19:57Today, we get to see our final product of Santa's School for Girls.
20:02And more importantly, we're going to learn what the judges think about it.
20:06So I got my little fingies crossed because I think half the girls in the room, given the
20:12chance, they would block me, you know?
20:14But I'm also the only girl who's been blocked twice.
20:16So maybe, maybe the girls will have pity on me.
20:24Christina, bring me the ax.
20:30Wait, do you understand what Pussy Poppin' is now at this point?
20:32Right, I think it's this.
20:33Is it this?
20:34Yes.
20:35Yes!
20:35Is it?
20:36Yes!
20:38Is it?
20:39Pussy, poofy, poofy, poofy, poppin'.
20:41Okay.
20:42You guys do that for the lip-sake.
20:43Yes.
20:44Oh, so you think I'm in the lip-sake?
20:46Yes.
20:46It was so good, Viv.
20:49Like, really truly.
20:50It was so iconic, so memorable.
20:52I mean, I had two lines back.
20:54Yeah, I think you had a small part, but you really, like, did, like, really great work.
20:58You really did.
20:59Thank you, thank you.
21:00And the best part about it was Trinity didn't even have to act.
21:02She just had to read the lines.
21:05I feel like Monet killed her part.
21:07Girl, that note, though, works so well because once you changed that voice up.
21:10She said, Monet, go deeper.
21:12She sure did.
21:13Okay, Simba.
21:14And, oh my God, Raja was so funny to me.
21:16Girl.
21:17Speak for yourself.
21:21I had a blast filming Santa School for Girls.
21:23I'm very excited to see it.
21:25It's like when you've got to go to the bathroom and you're trying to reach for your house keys
21:28and you can't get the house keys and you end up pissing on yourself.
21:32I'm beyond that point.
21:33I'm past looking for the keys.
21:35I've already pissed on myself or something like that.
21:38I just would like to remind the group there are two people that still have not been blocked.
21:42I just want to just throw it out there.
21:45Leave me alone, please.
21:46Y'all are shysty bitches.
21:49I don't trust any of you.
21:55I'll say this now.
21:56I have three stars.
21:59That's probably at this point enough to get into the top, but we don't know for sure.
22:03So what would be the point of blocking somebody if you think they're in the top?
22:09Jada, you better.
22:11Jada's like...
22:12She is campaigning bitch.
22:13She's like, I have already arrived.
22:14I'm a politician.
22:15I am the winner.
22:16I'm definitely not buying what Jada is selling.
22:19Now, now, Jada, Jada.
22:26She has three stars.
22:28This bitch cannot come up here and get a fourth one.
22:30No, ma'am.
22:30There's also the complete chance that the other bitches who are at two can rise to three plus like that.
22:37Or the other girls that have one star could just get the next couple of wins.
22:40Like y'all saw it with me and Jada, that if a twist does come, it can completely change where
22:46you are in the competition.
22:47Yeah, and then maybe the person with three stars, there's another twist coming, like their ankle.
22:51Okay, Tanya.
22:57I feel like if I were being chased in a horror film by a serial killer, I would literally be
23:04like...
23:05No!
23:05Stop it!
23:07No!
23:07No, please!
23:08No, stop chasing me!
23:10Okay, you're asking to be killed.
23:12No, that is not how they do it in the movie, bitch.
23:16The girl is always like...
23:18Oh!
23:19Oh!
23:21Oh!
23:22Oh!
23:22Oh!
23:24No!
23:24The killer's always just so calm too.
23:26He's always like...
23:27He's like, she's gonna trip at least five times.
23:29I'm gonna catch on.
23:30Right, literally the killer is like just walking.
23:32Right.
23:33And then somehow he's behind the tree and said...
23:35Right.
23:36Got you.
23:37Not a breath gone and nothing, just like...
24:11How can she be this gorgeous?
24:13After all these years, how could she be this gorgeous?
24:15Maybe it's the PCP.
24:19Welcome to the main stage of RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars All Winners.
24:23Michelle Visage.
24:24Now, what's your favorite Christmas song?
24:26Ooh, Ru, it's a timeless classic.
24:28Grandma got bent over by a reindeer.
24:33And she liked it.
24:36And the hilarious Ross Matthews.
24:39Do you believe in Santa?
24:41Well, I have sat on an old man's lap to get presents.
24:44Then yes.
24:47And our extra special guest judge, Janixa Bravo.
24:51Now, is this the best Christmas you've ever had?
24:54Well, yes, because I'm Jewish.
24:59Shalom.
25:00This week we challenged our queens to act their jingle bells off in a campy holiday horror film.
25:07And tonight on the runway, category is Nitty Nitty Bang Bang.
25:14Racers, start your engines and may the best legend win.
25:22Up first, the Vivian.
25:25The designer here, Blanket Jackson.
25:29I am walking down the runway like I'm trudging through mud because this is the heaviest garment I've ever worn.
25:36This one is full wool, hand knitted, gown to the floor.
25:40I'm sweating my minge off, but I feel fabulous.
25:44So elegant.
25:45May I push your spool in?
25:46Mm-hmm.
25:48I'm not shake-o-lay.
25:50Oh.
25:51My.
25:52God.
25:53Out of this world.
25:54I'm serving Undebelli tribe realness.
25:57I've got this beautiful hand-knit mini dress.
26:00My cloak.
26:02This bald, gorgeous head.
26:05My beautiful headpiece with my knit rings around my shoulders and my lovely leg warmers.
26:12I am feeling like I'm the onliest Undebelli princess.
26:16She's running rings around the other queens.
26:18She is.
26:21Evie Audley.
26:23Hey, Evie.
26:25Fancy a shag?
26:27I'm here to defend my entire people against any yarn invaders.
26:31I'm swinging these gigantic knitting needles even though I can't knit for shit.
26:36I made the wig.
26:37I made the headpiece.
26:39I dip-dyed it all myself.
26:42And I'm just shimmying, shaking, and kicking it out.
26:44Don't tell grandma the bathroom rug is couture.
26:50Jinx Monsoon.
26:53Martha Stewart, I'm ready for my close-up.
26:56This is based off of one of my favorite old Hollywood performers, Marlena Dietrich.
27:01Why don't you come up and knot me sometime?
27:05She's on husband number five, and even though her life is filled with misery, she must paint on a beautiful
27:13smile for her adoring public.
27:15I loved her in Knit's A Wonderful Life.
27:17Yeah.
27:18She should've won the Oscar.
27:19Should've.
27:21Up next, Trinity the Tough.
27:23All the way from Knit Jersey.
27:25A fan of mine actually made this for me.
27:28The little doll I have on my hands is called a Grumpkin.
27:31And knitwear is not my thing, bitch.
27:33My ass is not out in this.
27:35But don't it look cute?
27:37She's a shower, not a grower.
27:41Up next from around the way, it's Monet.
27:45Ooh, yes, honey.
27:46She carried her little sister to school with her.
27:49How many licks does it take to get the center of a Monet?
27:53Three.
27:54Okay, good to know.
27:57I'm throwing it back with this look.
27:59I have this cute hair.
28:00I have these high waisted booty shorts.
28:02And I feel really fierce.
28:03This lollipop has given me the full fantasy.
28:06And I'm just a bad bitch in kindergarten.
28:08What up?
28:08Break me up a piece of that.
28:10Yeah.
28:12Jada Essence Holes.
28:14Uh-oh, bless you.
28:15Come on, Afropuffs.
28:17Jada comes equipped with cable.
28:18Knit.
28:20I am paying homage to one of my favorite shows when I was little.
28:25The big comfy couch.
28:26I want to feel very comfortable, very knitted, very cutesy, cutesy, cutesy.
28:30And I'm even coming out with a little bit of redness on my nose
28:33because I'm sticky wicky and I want my mommy to take care of me.
28:36Well, now come on.
28:38That's a blanket statement.
28:39Yes, it is.
28:41Up next, Raja.
28:42I think you mean Nisharela.
28:44Yes.
28:46So you're telling me you can only fist with one arm.
28:50This is a look that is based on the juxtaposition of something that is completely futuristic and modern
28:55and something as ancient as weaving.
28:58Honey, Miss Sheet 3PO is now a knitting grandmother.
29:01And I think that's the aesthetic.
29:03I'll have the gold plate special, please.
29:08Welcome, ladies.
29:10Tonight, Rube Hollywood Studios presents the world premiere of Santa's School for Gals.
29:18Rated S for sickening.
29:33Noelle, welcome to Santa's School for Girls.
29:36Your transcripts are very impressive.
29:39For a homeschooled girl.
29:41Oh, thank you, Headmistress Nutmeg.
29:44Please, Noelle, call me Nutmeg.
29:46Volunteering for Doctors Without Borders in Namibia was the best education I could ask for.
29:52You already have your Christmas tree up.
29:55But it's only September.
29:57At Santa's School for Girls, we strive to bring young women back to a more traditional time.
30:03We want to make Christmas great again.
30:06Oh, okay.
30:07I want to make your Yuletide gay.
30:10As infested, not homosexual.
30:12Oh, girls.
30:16The nice girls.
30:18They'll make sure you don't end up on Santa's naughty list.
30:21I'm Mary, the leader of the nice girls.
30:24And all I want for Christmas is unity and love.
30:29I'm Holly, the alka-shopaholic.
30:33My daddy's credit card and free shipping are off you on my favorite things.
30:41And I enjoy, I like nog-egg.
30:44I mean, eggnog.
30:47Hail Santa!
30:49You still believe in Santa?
30:53As in the jolly old fat guy?
30:55Oh!
30:56Nine lords a-leaping!
30:58This is heresy!
30:59You shall not speak of the bearded one that way!
31:04Yeah, what they said!
31:06I mean, a majority of the world doesn't even celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah.
31:10What?
31:11Kwanzaa.
31:13Winter solstice?
31:14That's enough!
31:17Here we only have one holiday and that's Christmas!
31:21You got that, sis?
31:23Yeah.
31:24That reminds me of a song!
31:26Hit it!
31:27Hey sis, it's Christmas!
31:29You can cross me off on your wish list!
31:31Call Santa Claus and the missus!
31:33We gon' have the best Christmas that ever existed!
31:36This is not a musical.
31:39Girls, why don't you take Noelle to Miss Cho's art class?
31:44Yes, headmistress.
31:46Merry Christmas, headmistress.
31:49Come on, come on!
31:53Oh, by the way, I noticed Miss Corn was putting up some fall decorations.
31:58They looked like pumpkins.
32:01Pumpkins.
32:03Pumpkins!
32:03But pumpkins are for Halloween!
32:06And that's the devil's holiday!
32:09Just thought you'd like to know.
32:14Prancer, send Miss Candy Corn to my office immediately!
32:19Now, where did I put those Christmas cookies?
32:24Whoops.
32:26Wrong drawer.
32:29It was beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
32:31I mean murder.
32:34Ahh!
32:36Beautiful girls!
32:38As the great Bob Diana Ross once said,
32:41we don't make mistakes.
32:43Just happy little accidents.
32:47Welcome, Noelle.
32:49Thank you, Miss Cho.
32:50Please, call me by my first name.
32:52All my friends do.
32:54Camel.
32:55Wait, your name is Camel Cho?
32:58That's right!
32:59And I have weed gummies in my car if you want some.
33:02What?
33:03Cool teacher here, cool teacher.
33:05Miss Scrooge!
33:06You're late!
33:07Sorry, I was giving my boyfriend a frosty.
33:12Oh, come all ye faithful.
33:15Oh, ew!
33:16So cute!
33:17Hey!
33:18New girl!
33:19Yeah?
33:19I'm Scrooge.
33:21Short for Lisa.
33:23I'm Hannah, and even though she's a goth and I'm a nerd, we're BFFs.
33:30Hannah, do you hear what I hear?
33:32Yeah.
33:32Miss Corn went missing.
33:34She's the fifth teacher to disappear this week.
33:37Did you see Miss Corn?
33:39I overheard the headmistress call her into her office.
33:42Noelle, why are you over there talking to those losers?
33:46I heard they're here on scholarship.
33:50I've never even gotten a scholarship.
33:52In fact, my parents paid extra for me to be here.
33:57You know, Mary, bullying people isn't very Christmas-like.
34:02What would Santa do?
34:04He'd put coal in your stocking and then shove it up your ass.
34:08Ladies, ladies, knock it off!
34:11My classroom will always be a safe space.
34:15Let's share our paintings with the class.
34:17Mary, Holly, Joy.
34:19Hail Santa!
34:22Impressive, but I'd really love to see you all express your individual
34:26personalities, ladies.
34:28Hannah, let's see yours.
34:30It's a Santa self-portrait if he were Frida Kahlo.
34:35Muy caliente bien, Hannah!
34:37Scrooge, mine chose the real Santa.
34:42Do you see what I see?
34:45I don't think Santa would appreciate that very much.
34:48Actually, I was reading in a book that Christmas was constructed to
34:52replace a pagan holiday that the church found threatening.
34:56Is that true?
34:57That's not what had mistress said.
35:02It's just art, ladies.
35:03Art is all about expression.
35:07Should I just go back to selling crystals at the swap meet?
35:11Not today, Santa.
35:13Not today.
35:14I wonder if Santa will bring me that platinum tennis bracelet.
35:19I wonder if Santa's hum by the chimney.
35:24Am I the only one who knows that Santa's not real?
35:27Is everyone at this school psycho?
35:30Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
35:33Who lit the gums out?
35:36Okay, okay, class dismissed.
35:38Let me know if anyone needs a lift to Planned Parenthood or anything.
35:42Cool teacher, cool teacher.
35:43Hey sis, it's Christmas.
35:45You can cross me off of your wish list.
35:47This is not a musical.
35:49One of the best Christmas that ever existed.
35:52That's weird.
35:53I smell...
35:54Christmas cookies?
36:00You missed me!
36:03I feel alive, bitch.
36:08That's the one!
36:13How come when there's a senseless string of murders?
36:16People always suspect me.
36:19Hey Noel, want a swig of my eggnog?
36:22Check out all the stuff I got at the mall.
36:25I'm in a lot of debt.
36:29Look, it's the devil worshippers.
36:32Just because we don't believe in Santa does not mean we worship the devil.
36:36Speak for yourself.
36:38Hey, who's that above your bed?
36:41Elvira!
36:43I'm obsessed!
36:44I'm gonna be here for Halloween.
36:46You celebrate Halloween?
36:48Yeah, check this out!
36:52Wait, is that a bloody axe?
36:57Interesting, considering there have been so many murders around here lately.
37:02Oh look, a red herring!
37:05Come on girls, let's go brush our teeth and trim our trees in case Santa comes in the night.
37:12Scrooge, where did you get all that stuff?
37:14I could go shopping for Halloween too.
37:18Maybe I could get some cat ears or something.
37:23Whoah!
37:24Ahhhh!
37:26Ohhhh!
37:27Ohhhhh!
37:29Ohhhh!
37:30Ohhhh!
37:31Holly's dead!
37:32Oh no!
37:33Oh my god!
37:35Cool!
37:36We have to do something before Santa's lights again!
37:39But Santa's not real!
37:42Ha, ha, ha!
37:43Santa's not real!
37:45I'll show you Santa's not real!
37:48We have to call the police!
37:50What's the number for 911?
37:53Send someone to the girls' school!
37:56Santa's straight up murdering people!
37:58I'm sure if Santa's killing people, he has a good reason.
38:08Wait a second. I smell gingerbread.
38:12The main ingredient in gingerbread is nutmeg,
38:15which is the nickname of...
38:21Pet Mischief's nutmeggin'!
38:24Well, you got me, girl!
38:27What?! But why?!
38:29I did it to preserve the meaning of Christmas!
38:32None of this Happy Holidays non-dominational bulletin!
38:38Where you're headed, Santa won't be coming down your chimney!
38:42Because prisons don't have chimneys.
38:44Duh!
38:46And I would have gotten away with it, too,
38:48if it weren't for you maddling kids!
38:50Hail Santa!
38:51Hail Santa!
38:55Who wants Halloween candy?
38:57I love you!
38:58I do!
38:58Yes, please!
39:01I have a confession to make.
39:03This is fun!
39:04It feels like the beginning of something.
39:07Which reminds me of a song!
39:09Oh, no!
39:10Hit it!
39:11Bitch, do not do it!
39:13This is the beginning, the beginning.
39:17This is the beginning of what you like.
39:20This is not a musical!
39:22Oh!
39:23Did I deserve to get murdered?
39:25No!
39:26Am I glad to have the holiday off?
39:27Hell yeah!
39:33Happy Holidays, everyone!
39:38Oh, yay!
39:40That was so good!
39:43Wow!
39:50Wow!
39:51A cinematic triumph!
39:54It's time now for the judges' critiques, starting with the Vivian!
39:58I can't even tell you how much I enjoyed your role.
40:03It was Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford with Kim Woodburn and a touch of The Orange Menace.
40:08And the way you dialed the phone, which was basically just slapping it and beating it up.
40:12I love it.
40:13I also love how you refuse to direct your attention to your co-stars.
40:17You perform every line to the back. So funny.
40:21I can't imagine anyone else doing that role.
40:22I also thought your exit was divine. I mean, I really felt your fight, and it delighted me.
40:28So, so very much.
40:29And this look tonight?
40:30Okay, do you know how wrong it is that a heavy knit makes a beautiful ball gown?
40:34It shouldn't work.
40:35But it does!
40:36This is just so magical. I want to crawl up inside it, and if there's room, I'm available.
40:41You did a killer job.
40:43Sure.
40:45Up next, it's Shea Coulee.
40:47Hi.
40:48Oh, my gosh. This outfit will go down in Drag Race history as something so special and so innovative.
40:56On so many levels, it's amazing. The way you did your eyes, the halo effect, the balding of the head.
41:02I'm gobsmacked. I just, there aren't enough words for how phenomenal this is.
41:07Your part in the movie would freak me out as a performer, because you can't do the zany stuff.
41:13You have to be the voice of reason in this crazy world.
41:15This is not a musical.
41:16It wouldn't work if you didn't nail it. And you nailed it.
41:20You are an actor. You are an actress. You did just amazing. I hope you're proud when you watch the
41:25work that you did.
41:26I am. Thank you.
41:27Good. You should be.
41:27Thank you, Shea.
41:29Up next, it's Evie Audley. Look at those knockers.
41:34The way that you play mischievousness is just so delightful. There's a thing that happens in the eye, in the
41:41mouth, and it was just so delicious.
41:44And this is just amazing. Your face looks so beautiful tonight.
41:49This is one of those looks that I've been working on for, like, four or five months.
41:53Well, baby, it shows. Down to the boots. I mean, the headpiece. Evie, this is what I love about you.
41:59It is next level Evie Audley. Not a lot of people could pull this off. But when you come out
42:05here in it, it's like, of course, that's what she's gonna do.
42:08You are in an orbit all your own. Thank you for having us.
42:12Well, thank you so much.
42:20You have this ability in the first word or two, with every single character, to let us know who you
42:26are.
42:27I'm Holly.
42:29As soon as you opened your mouth with that vocal fry, I understood exactly who you were. And when you
42:35turn from vocal fry to devil.
42:37You shall not speak of the bearded one that way.
42:42Was that a character choice that you made?
42:44You're fucked up, you know that?
42:51This wasn't really a big role. You added so much color and flavor and texture to this role.
42:57Tonight on the runway, you told such a beautiful story. From the moment you entered, there was this kind of
43:02drama and a total piece of theater. I was absolutely enthralled.
43:06You have no idea how much this dress is sparkling on stage. It is so gorgeous. Thank you, Jinx.
43:13Up next, Trinity the Tuck.
43:17Hey.
43:18Hey.
43:18You were so fun to watch in the acting challenge.
43:21I like nog egg. I mean egg nog.
43:24You were game to get down and get dumb. It was just such a treat.
43:29The dumb character always works if the actress commits. And you were just so committed. And it was so funny.
43:39This outfit is like so twisted, Trinity. Leopard color hair. Yes, please. Then you paired it with lavender, which is
43:46such a gorgeous combination.
43:47It doesn't make sense, yet it does.
43:50I love it too. It's really fabulous. Thank you.
43:53Up next, Monet X Change.
43:56Alright, let's talk about your cool teacher. I love this character.
44:00Call me by my first name. All my friends do. Camel.
44:05Every funny line was just nailed. You didn't miss a single opportunity for a laugh.
44:11I love that you treated some of them like they were these Shakespearean asides.
44:16And I just thought you did so fantastic. And you should feel really, really good about the performance that you
44:21gave.
44:21This is so Monet. You came out in a knitted puffy parka with a bow in your hair, tight curls,
44:27little poom poom booty shorts.
44:29This is adorable. And something you would see in Brooklyn. Even in the summer.
44:35I feel this look is going to be copied at the highest end, at the lowest end. I mean, it
44:39is just really wow.
44:42Well done.
44:42Thank you, Ro.
44:43Up next, Jada Essence Hall.
44:47Did Jada do that?
44:49The mannerisms when you spoke and you shoved your glasses up.
44:52The little things that are the quintessential nerd character completely worked.
44:56You're a really good listener.
44:58Because so much of that character is taking in and then responding to the elements.
45:03And it was just so fantastic.
45:05You took it and you ran with it.
45:06And you and Scrooge had this little relationship going.
45:09You played off of each other. That worked really well. It was just all really well done. I loved it.
45:14Net on the runway. I mean, your face is just stunning. I'd like to lick it. May I?
45:20You just look so divine. The palette is just dreamy. I'm thinking of lavender fields. It's just so magical.
45:27Any time you put some Afro puffs on either side, it takes me there.
45:31There was a TV show years ago called The Big Comfy Couch.
45:34Yes!
45:36Yes!
45:36That's what I was going for!
45:37Yes! Well, you went fully for it. I love it because you've updated it and you made it drag.
45:42Really, really well done.
45:44Oh my goodness. Raja, this outfit is to die for.
45:50This is what a superstar wears on stage. So beautiful.
45:53It's so original. You are beaming. You are on fire. I mean, it's transcendent.
46:00Let's talk about Scrooge. It was hilarious.
46:03Three us.
46:04I was giving my boyfriend a frosty.
46:07Oh, come all ye faithful.
46:10You knew your camera. I felt you playing to the audience.
46:13You were playing to the guys all the way in the back row and that was divine.
46:17I loved all those moments of you going...
46:20That is just so kind of John Waters of you.
46:24Yeah.
46:24You took it there to a drag level that I personally get off on.
46:29Thank you, ladies. I think we've heard enough.
46:31While you enjoy a House of Love cocktail in the workroom, the judges and I will deliberate.
46:37You may leave the stage.
46:41All right, now just between us girlfriends, what do you think?
46:44Pros and cons. We need to find a top two, which is not going to be easy.
46:48You know, Trinity is so funny.
46:50Every time I wanted to laugh while watching this film, I could just look to Trinity to see what she
46:53was doing.
46:54I will say, she did the least of all the sisters with her character, but it was still funny.
46:59I get what you mean by saying she may have done the least, but I felt her least was also
47:03kind of the most.
47:04I mean, the way she uses her face, the way she uses her eyes, I mean, she is like so
47:08in it.
47:09And on the runway, can someone just take me to Aspen so I can just like wrap up in that
47:12by the fire?
47:13Yes, that's what I'm saying.
47:14Do you want marshmallows in your cocoa?
47:16Hell, am I a human being?
47:18It was so chic, but also comfortable. Like I wanted to hug her and then do a high fashion photo
47:23shoot with her.
47:24Ooh.
47:24Oh my goodness. I could not take my eyes off of them.
47:28That was a freaking master class.
47:30She had me from her first line and I didn't want to be let go of.
47:35And when she was gone, I kind of missed her.
47:37She was every movie star I've ever wanted to meet in my entire life.
47:40She was Joan Crawford, Gloria Swanson, Faye Dunaway, all mixed into one campy lead character.
47:46And on the runway, how do you make the hugest carpet slash rug slash whatever it is?
47:53How do you make it look like a couture gown?
47:56I have a weighted blanket at home and I might try to do the same.
47:58Good luck.
48:00I love that Jada is taking this time to show us that she is more than we even thought she
48:05was.
48:05She leaned totally into being that nerdy girl who didn't believe and I thought it was just a great juxtaposition.
48:11She went full throttle and I thought she did an adorable job.
48:14Jada has range. And on the runway, wow. I was floored. Her face is ridiculous.
48:21I mean, really, I was sort of like drifting to lavender fields as I was looking at her.
48:26And Raja, Scrooge is short for Lisa.
48:29Need I say more?
48:31From the moment she landed at that easel, she had us, right?
48:35She's one of my favorites. There wasn't a false note in her performance.
48:38What a curious choice for a goth, right? Like there is a trope that we might imagine that part should
48:44be played like.
48:45And she had this nuance about her that was just really special.
48:49I couldn't stop watching her. And that look tonight on the runway, my goodness.
48:54Come on. That outfit belongs on stage at Madison Square Garden.
48:59Mmm, that part. Just gorgeous.
49:02All right. Silence. I've made my decision. Bring back my legends.
49:09Welcome back, ladies. Based on your Santa School for Girls...
49:13Performance. Based on your Santa... Welcome back, ladies.
49:18Let me change the battery. Hold on.
49:21Butter and rice.
49:23Exactly.
49:24Does anybody else smell burnt toast?
49:27Welcome back, ladies.
49:29Now, based on your Santa School for Girls performances and your knitted runway presentations,
49:36I've made some decisions.
49:37The top two all-stars of the week are...
49:45The Vivian and Raja.
49:49Oh, my God!
49:50Yes, Raja!
49:51Cool!
49:52I did it, Raja!
49:54Oh, my God!
49:55Oh, my God!
49:56Condragulations!
49:57You've each earned a legendary legend star.
50:02And you're both one step closer to the grand finale lip-sync Lala Perusa Smackdown for the crown.
50:10Ladies, the rest of you may take a seat.
50:15Fuck it up.
50:19Two legends stand before me.
50:23Viv, Raja, this is your chance to impress me, win $10,000, and earn the power to block one of
50:33your fellow queens from receiving a legendary legend star next week.
50:41The time has come for you to lip-sync for you to lip-sync for your legal days!
50:51Good luck, and don't fuck it up.
51:06Good luck, and don't fuck it up.
51:21I'll keep going.
51:24You're good luck.
51:26Yes, I'm killing it.
51:27No, why?
51:37That's pretty good.
51:38You're not going to let her down.
51:39Oh, girl...
51:39The kind of girl you read about
51:42It's just been time to say
51:43That girl is pretty wild now
51:45The girl's a super freak
51:46I really like the taste of
51:50She's alright
51:51She's alright
51:53That girl's gonna ride with me
51:58Yeah
52:00Hey
52:01Hey
52:05She's a super freak
52:06Super freak
52:07She's a super freak
52:08And now
52:09Blow, Daddy
52:11Blow, Daddy
52:28Ladies
52:28Ladies
52:30I've made my decision
52:40Raja
52:41Condragulation to a winner
52:45You've won a cash tip of $10,000
52:47Yes
52:48Oh my god
52:49Congrats
52:50The Vivian
52:52You are free to slay another day
52:55You may step to the back of the stage
52:57Thank you
52:58Thank you, everyone
53:03Queens, please join Raja on the main stage
53:11Raja
53:12With great power
53:13Comes great responsibility
53:15Using the platinum plunger
53:21So it's which queen you've chosen
53:23To block
53:24I'm just gonna let the plunger guide my way
53:30I finally get the power to block someone
53:33And I love it
53:44I earned it
53:45I deserve it
53:47Somebody's gonna get blocked tonight
53:48And it's gonna be because I did it
53:51And I am ecstatic
53:53Am I dead now?
53:58Do you love me, baby?
54:01Only you
54:04Hi
54:18Damn it
54:20Jada Essence Hall
54:22Next week
54:23You can compete
54:24And even win
54:25But Raja has blocked you
54:27From earning
54:28A legendary legend star
54:30The sword cuts both ways
54:32Ooh
54:34Condragulations, all-stars
54:36And remember
54:37If you can't love yourself
54:38How in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?
54:40Can I get an amen up in her?
54:42Amen
54:43Alright, now let the music play