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00:01Good morning, everyone.
00:03Now, we've brought you on this trip to give you a chance to...
00:07...breathe.
00:07One final blowout before the GCSE chaos begins.
00:11Now, today, we'll be split into three parts.
00:14Er, Mr. Meteor started you saying it, Connor, come quick!
00:17Come on, son!
00:18Liz, we have our end-of-year awards,
00:20and we'll open up those letters you wrote to your future selves
00:23back in year seven.
00:24You know, writing letters to your future selves
00:27is a very powerful thing.
00:28I recently read a letter that I wrote to myself last year.
00:32It's very interesting to revisit my goals.
00:37Extremely pleasing to see how thoroughly I smashed them.
00:43Please wait, son, come quick!
00:44Then we'll look to the future and we'll discuss your career, hopes and dreams.
00:47Even someone my age likes to set new goals,
00:50explore new opportunities,
00:52even ones you thought you were never open-minded enough to try.
00:58Say it, he's in there!
00:59What? What?
01:00What's in there?
01:00Connor!
01:01And then finally the present.
01:02Tonight's party.
01:03Let's enjoy it.
01:05Because pretty soon you'll be stressing about jobs and money.
01:08Connor!
01:08Connor, you alright?
01:09He's in there, say!
01:10Connor!
01:11Connor!
01:12What?
01:14What's going on?
01:17Let me out!
01:18Say please!
01:20Please!
01:21Good boy!
01:23And that's why we ban phones.
01:25You see, this trip is about being here.
01:28They say that school's the best days of your lives.
01:31Well, take a tip from someone who's lived a fair few since.
01:35They're right.
01:36You'll miss the noise.
01:38The daftness.
01:40The feeling that life is opening up.
01:42Not closing in.
01:45So make it count.
01:47Now, as you can see,
01:49Mr. Dunn and I are using these radios to communicate.
01:51That's because at the last place we visited,
01:53some pupils thought it funny to lock Mr. Dunn in the toilet.
01:56He was there for three hours.
01:58Anyway, let's crack on.
02:00Mr. Dunn will start with the end of year awards.
02:03Mr. Dunn.
02:05Mr. Dunn?
02:07Mr. Dunn, do you copy?
02:10It's happened again.
02:11What has?
02:13It's happened again!
02:16It's happened again!
02:18Donnie's locked in the toilet!
02:20It's happened again!
02:22It's happened again!
02:24It's happened again!
02:28It's happened again!
02:32It's happened again!
02:37It's happened again!
02:37Well, I was only in there for ten minutes.
02:40This time.
02:41Anyway, end of year awards.
02:43And the Advocacy Award goes to...
02:48That was a shocker.
02:51Oh, my God.
02:52Thank you, sir.
02:53This is amazing.
02:55This award means so much to me because it really sums up my values and my principles.
03:03It shows the world exactly who I am.
03:07But it's not just about me.
03:09This is about all of us, together, sharing this vision.
03:14Ella Grace.
03:15Yes.
03:15Ella Grace.
03:16We must stand together.
03:18Yes.
03:18Yes.
03:19This is our time.
03:20Yes.
03:21We must unite to crush our enemies.
03:24Yes.
03:24Yes.
03:24Together, we can change the course of history.
03:28Yes.
03:30Yes.
03:30Oh, my God.
03:32Ella Grace.
03:33Ella Grace.
03:35Sick of listening to a bang on about equality all year and wanting revenge, did you say?
03:38No, that was me.
03:39You've got to trick her into getting spit-roasted by Tommy Robinson and Nigel Farage next, are you
03:43sir?
03:43You've got to trick her into doing a podcast called Ain't No Black and the Union Jack next,
03:46are you sir?
03:47That's not fair.
03:47You're going to trick me into unfollowing Emma Watson on Instagram, are you sir?
03:50Yeah.
03:53Incredible girls.
03:54Had a little play with Donny's laptop on the way here, didn't we?
03:58I'll never give up on your dreams.
04:01Remember what Dad told you?
04:04Salah's not always going to play for Liverpool.
04:06You'll catch your chance.
04:08Just keep believing.
04:10If I'm 11-year-old me, I need to find that belief again.
04:23Dear future me, I hope you're still dreaming big, lad.
04:27Don't let anyone tell you it's a waste of time.
04:30Stick with it.
04:31I'll never forget what made you start in the first place.
04:34And you sure have bent over in that kitchen that day.
04:37You're nude then.
04:38That baring in your head and your meter's ma's arse is a dream that you'll never give up on.
04:42From 11-year-old me.
04:44I was just a kid.
04:45And I dared to dream.
04:50Rhys?
04:55Dear future me,
04:56I hope you remember all the great lessons from Mr Meacher.
05:00He's a great teacher who really cares,
05:02who really listens,
05:04who actually makes you feel like you matter.
05:06And sometimes,
05:07he helps you in a way that makes you feel special, doesn't he?
05:10And tells you not to tell anyone
05:12that it's our little secret.
05:14Give me a kiss.
05:19Get out of here!
05:22Why did you shit yourself?
05:23I swear I saw some fella in the teeth.
05:25Hey, maybe it was Noddy.
05:26Who's Noddy?
05:27Apparently, there's some fella who lives in them woods called Noddy.
05:30The last time the school came here, he got into one of the girls' dorms.
05:34Tried to kill her.
05:35Isn't that right, sir?
05:37My Louise, stop lying.
05:38What?
05:40It was two girls' dorms.
05:42Stop it!
05:43Because I saw someone.
05:45Noddy!
05:47Alright, that's enough.
05:48I'm gonna go and get the flip charts for the career session.
05:50And something sharp, you know.
05:52Just in case.
05:54Noddy!
05:58What is she?
06:01CCTV.
06:02Oh, look hon.
06:03I told you.
06:04They put all the CCTV in here.
06:06Because of Noddy.
06:12Noddy!
06:13Noddy!
06:13Noddy!
06:14Noddy!
06:14Noddy!
06:14Hey!
06:15No messing around in here.
06:16Out!
06:18God, shit.
06:19Noddy!
06:21Noddy!
06:22Noddy!
06:23Noddy!
06:23Noddy!
06:24Noddy!
06:24Noddy!
06:24Noddy!
06:24Noddy!
06:25Noddy!
06:25Noddy!
06:28Noddy!
06:33Noddy!
06:33It's alright, mate?
06:35Do you work here?
06:36I'm the head of...
06:38telling gobshites to mind their own fucking business.
06:41Hey, sorry mate, can I, uh, help you?
06:44You can, mate.
06:45I'm moving out me way before I wrap those massive legs of yours
06:48around your neck until you choke to death, you nine-foot prick.
06:51Actually, I'm six or four.
06:52Move!
06:53Oi!
06:54Lock the gates and fuck on the doors!
07:00Get in me car, now!
07:03Give me that.
07:08Would you prefer me in the front or the back?
07:10Obviously the back, you gangly twat.
07:12Orio!
07:14It's like a no-look penalty, but a no-look bump.
07:21Everything alright, sir?
07:22Yes, nothing to worry about.
07:27I need to see more positions, come on.
07:28Yeah, come on, come on.
07:38I need to see more positions, come on, come on, come on.
07:49I don't see this.
07:50It's so much!
07:57Fuck!
07:58Oh yeah...
07:59I said it's you, it's another trick
08:01Messing with my mother
08:19Those fucking bastards, fuck!
08:26Hold it down!
08:35You're not going to keep me up forever, love
08:39Yeah, yeah, look at this one
08:49Oh my god!
08:50What is it?
08:52What are you talking about?
08:53It's no one day
08:55It's Nozikam, he's come for you
08:57Oh, take Connor, don't hurt our husband!
08:58I swear it's all the sauce, man!
09:00There's no one out there!
09:02Well, Amy, there's no one there!
09:07Say there's some mad fella with a gun outside!
09:09Come here, come here, listen to me, listen to me!
09:12Yeah, he's got a gun, but you've got me, G, and I've watched each and every one of you grow
09:23from kid to young adult, you're mine to protect, and I'll tell you this, nobody, I mean nobody, lays a
09:32finger on any of my pupils when I'm still breathing, not today, nor ever.
09:42We're not going to do it!
09:44We're not going to do it!
09:44We're not going to do it!
09:47We're not going to do it!
09:48Look, mate, what's this about to the kids in there?
09:50Oh, well, that's me, isn't it?
09:51Danger to kids, even me own!
09:54Unfit Dad, risk to their welfare!
09:57You think I can't do anything?
09:58Well, I'll show you, I'll show you!
10:03This is Merseyside Police.
10:06The suspect, Sean, has now been arrested.
10:08It is safe to exit the building.
10:10Who am I speaking to?
10:14Erm...
10:16Officer Seanson.
10:17So the suspect's name is Sean?
10:19And your name is Officer Seanson?
10:22It's a coincidence, don't you think?
10:24Besides, I can clearly see you on the CCTV.
10:30You put me up!
10:31You fucking dick!
10:36Block lane, please driver!
10:37You fucking what?!
10:50This may be my last ever message to the world.
10:57Look, whatever's going on here, mate, I'm sure we can talk it through nice and calmly.
11:01Talk it through.
11:04Do you think you can solve all my problems?
11:06Do you think you're better than me?
11:07No, no, no, no, of course not.
11:09I could have been a teacher, you know.
11:11The only difference between me and you is that I grew up with nothing.
11:16Well, that must have been very, very challenging for you.
11:18Happy to be teaching me.
11:19Mr. Sean.
11:23Inspiring generations.
11:24I'm sure you could.
11:27You don't believe me, do you?
11:28None of yours do!
11:29You wrote me off before I even started, but I could teach!
11:33Yeah.
11:34Yeah.
11:34I could teach.
11:35I believe you.
11:36I'm gonna show ya.
11:37No, I believe you!
11:38I'm gonna show ya!
11:44Do you know how to tie a bowline knot?
11:49No.
11:50Okay.
11:51I'll teach ya.
11:53Good job.
11:55Go.
12:08Guys, stay away from the window!
12:16You alright?
12:18I don't know.
12:20What if he gets in?
12:21Just stay by me.
12:22Okay?
12:23Why?
12:24What are you gonna do?
12:25You can hardly take a bullet for me, can ya?
12:27You're too small, it'll just go over ya!
12:29Wow!
12:29She is!
12:30Sorry.
12:31I'm freaking out.
12:35My Louise.
12:41If this is it, and he walks through that door and it's over, I need you to know something.
12:49I love ya.
12:51I always have.
12:53I never stop thinking about ya.
12:55Every time you walk in a room, it's like the world stops being a mess for a second.
12:59And everything just makes sense.
13:03Sometimes I just find it easier to take the piss.
13:06Rather than say anything that might be too real.
13:09And it breaks my heart that I'm gonna die never having made love to the one woman my heart truly
13:16desires.
13:18But right now, Amy, it doesn't feel easier to take the piss.
13:21It feels easier to say this, that I've always felt something for ya.
13:26Sometimes I think that's the whole point of all this.
13:28Two souls finding each other, sharing something that's deeper than words.
13:33And then we became mates, and that's just how it was.
13:36And a part of me didn't wanna lose that.
13:38I didn't wanna risk not getting to see ya.
13:41Risk not getting to laugh with ya.
13:43Risk not getting to spend time with ya.
13:45Cause it's better to have a little bit of that in me life,
13:48than I'll have here in me life at all.
13:56We can't leave this world missing out on the one thing that we're here for.
14:02So please, my Louise, it's always been you.
14:07And I can't die a virgin.
14:10How can you so sweet?
14:12But absolutely not.
14:16I'm sorry.
14:21Danny.
14:22Danny.
14:26If this is he, and he walks through that door, and it's over,
14:30I need you to know, Shobton.
14:33I love ya.
14:34I always have.
14:36A virgin rat.
14:38Now, this bit is your rabbit hole.
14:41And your rabbit is gonna come up through the hole.
14:43Oh, hello little bunny.
14:45Around the tree.
14:47And then he's gonna come straight by down.
14:50And there you have it.
14:51A bone line now.
14:54You try.
14:58A bone line.
15:03A bone line.
15:06A bone line.
15:21There's got to be a fucking way inside.
15:23No, no, no, look. Look, I've got it. Look, look.
15:25A rabbit through the hole.
15:27There's the chance here.
15:31That's be true.
15:31Oh, fuck off.
15:46Everybody okay here?
15:47Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?
15:49What, Mr. Dunn?
15:50No, don't make it. I need you to tell Julie that I love it.
15:53Oi! No!
16:04He killed Dunny.
16:07Stay here. Stay here.
16:11You know, he didn't just do his job.
16:14He actually cared.
16:16Yeah.
16:46He saw something in all of us.
16:47You're longing to something bigger than yourself.
16:52Now I've let him down, innit?
16:54It's too late.
16:57When you pretended to be a Muslim,
16:59I wasn't interested in you because of that.
17:03I just love black men.
17:04There's something about him and I know it's not politically correct and I want to see everybody as equal and
17:08it kills me to be stuck between my ideals and my impulses, but the thing is, for me, the blacker
17:16the better.
17:21I've always had a little thing for me.
17:23Yes.
17:28Yes.
17:46Wow.
17:46I clogged the bog with that huge shit.
17:49Yeah.
17:50I've aimed on that little year seven, love.
17:52Lat, he's got cerebral palsy.
17:54I know.
17:55I think you're bad at every night and I can't sleep.
17:59Until I have a wank and it just knocks me out.
18:03I'm not even scared of dying, you know.
18:06Not really.
18:10What scares me, what defies me, is leaving me dad.
18:16He's the strongest person I've ever known.
18:19And if I die tonight, who's going to hold him up then?
18:22Who's going to make him laugh when his legroom work?
18:26Who's going to tell him it's all right to cry?
18:30Who's going to tell him that?
18:31He's not a burden.
18:33But he's still my hero.
18:38The thoughts of leaving him alone in this world without me.
18:42That's worse than death.
18:51Does anyone else think he's not actually a good Alvison person he said that?
18:57More?
18:58I don't like getting stuff off our chest.
19:03You need to lighten it up, man.
19:05Come on, play us this song.
19:06Yeah, the song goes on.
19:08Come on.
19:13Hey, me, modest.
19:15Can't die just yet.
19:18Too much talent to give for the world to forget.
19:25Corn's gonna pass.
19:27I'd never had sex.
19:39I hope that there's a Mackie's waiting in the sky.
19:45Friends of mine, it's time to say goodbye.
19:50I hope to see you on the other side.
19:54I hope to see you on the other side.
19:57Maya Louise is definitely meant to be.
20:02She'll take one look at God and she'll say, hey.
20:09Christopher, I'll miss you a lot.
20:14Even though he's posh and wanks over dried apricots.
20:18Killed by proudest, man.
20:19If it's decided that Ted's gonna die.
20:26He still owes me 20 quid.
20:28But I'm gonna let it slide.
20:32Friends of mine, it's time to say goodbye.
20:37I hope to see you on the other side.
20:43Friends of mine, it's time to say goodbye.
20:48I hope to see you on the other side.
20:58God, that's how we call it.
21:00Come on.
21:02What?
21:04Is that a phone?
21:05Someone's, but what?
21:06Check it back, check it back.
21:06Come on, the back.
21:07Check it back.
21:07Check it back.
21:08Check it back.
21:08It's here.
21:09It's here.
21:10It's here.
21:10It's here.
21:10It's here.
21:11It's mine.
21:11Look.
21:12Come on.
21:14Hello?
21:15All right, son.
21:16Before I check in, all good.
21:17Darren.
21:18I know they said no phone, son, but that made me too anxious.
21:20I can't have you out my reach, so I snuck you in a burner.
21:23Darren, you're a legend.
21:24We can call the police.
21:25Why?
21:25What's up, son?
21:26Are you in danger?
21:27There's some mad fella outside with a gun sign to get in.
21:29Look, you can't call out on it, son.
21:30It's a one-way burner, but don't worry.
21:32I know where you are.
21:33I'll handle it.
21:35The police are coming.
21:39What are you doing?
21:48It's a super good idea to play, Dad.
21:50Shot into the air, you lanky streak of push.
21:57The police are here!
21:58Jack's here!
21:59Jack's on the way!
22:01I'm here now, son!
22:05Everything's going to be all right.
22:06What are you doing here?
22:07Police weren't the way to go on this one, son.
22:09So you haven't called the police?
22:10Nah.
22:11They're just over-complicating.
22:13Best leave everything to me.
22:14All right.
22:14I'll say it.
22:15You beat me.
22:17Yeah, it's over.
22:18There's no way inside.
22:19Just go, will ya?
22:21Yeah, chug on.
22:23I mean, what kind of a moron can't even find his way in anyway?
22:25That door at the back pops right open if you give it a proper push from the bottom.
22:29But you're too much of an idiot to realise that, sunshine.
22:31I've got an idiot.
22:32What?
22:32He is an idiot.
22:33Cheers for the tip, dickhead.
22:36We need to block that door.
22:38Come on.
22:39Oh, fuck.
22:40It's so big.
22:42All right, all right.
22:45That's good, that's good.
22:46That's good, that's good.
22:46Darren, stay away.
22:47Good night.
22:49Unlucky.
22:51Noddy.
22:52Who's Noddy?
22:54Sean.
22:55What are you doing, lads?
22:56You know him?
22:57Yeah.
22:57That's Callum's dad.
22:59You're coming with me, Rhys, lad.
23:00Hey, stop!
23:02I need to teach your mother a lesson.
23:04What are you on about?
23:05She shoved me kids in a foster home and won't let me see them.
23:07She needs to know what that feels like.
23:09You're gonna put me in a foster home?
23:10What?
23:11No.
23:12Look, after what happened with Steph,
23:13she tried to keep them, but they wouldn't let her.
23:16They said our house was too small.
23:17They needed their own room to square.
23:18I'm not buying it, Rhys!
23:19Sean, I've known you since I was a kid.
23:21I know you're not a bad fella.
23:22Well, I'm pointing a gun at your head, lad.
23:24All right, but I know you're not angry with me ma.
23:27You're angry at yourself,
23:28because really you know you've let your kids down,
23:30and that kills you.
23:31You don't know what you're on about.
23:32But if you just sorted your head out,
23:34there's a chance that one day you can be the dad again.
23:36Be the dad they really need.
23:38It's too late.
23:39I know meself with me own dad.
23:40I hate the bellend.
23:42I gave him a chance,
23:43and he threw it back in me face.
23:45And yet all I want for him is to change,
23:47to be a better man.
23:49And do you know what we did, Sean?
23:52I'd forgive him.
23:54And your kids, they'll forgive you too.
23:56You feel it, lad?
23:56I know he would.
23:59Look, it's never too late to do the right thing.
24:03Please!
24:04Please!
24:12Well, that was a nice speech, son,
24:15but you've got to draw the line with forgiveness somewhere,
24:17and that lad has completely failed his kids.
24:20Lad, shut up!
24:21I mean, it's been one bad choice after another
24:23instead of protecting them like a real man.
24:25Seriously, lad, shut up!
24:26I mean, it's no wonder you're angry with yourself.
24:28You're the worst dad in the world!
24:29Lads!
24:29There is no chance your kids are ever going to forgive you,
24:32because what you've done is un-fucking-forgivable!
24:49Oh my god!
24:51Pull an ambulance!
25:03It looks like we're going to have to put that trip to Disneyland on hold, son.
25:06I never actually agreed to go.
25:08Ah!
25:09An ambulance is coming.
25:10You want to be Sean?
25:12You know, you've brought me more pride than I ever deserved, Heath.
25:17I know I'm not your dad.
25:21But you made me feel like one.
25:24Maybe it's not about blood.
25:27It's about feeling it.
25:29It's about feeling it.
25:29It's about feeling it.
25:29No.
25:30Yeah.
25:31Take care of yourself.
25:34My son.
25:37Darren! Darren! Darren! Dad! Dad! Wake up, Dad!
25:53Alright, I'll let you know, Mum. I've got to go, that's him now.
25:57Alright, love you, bye.
25:59Hello, son!
26:01How you feeling?
26:02Yeah, we've been sore, but I'm buzzy. A second chance at life, and you call me Dad! It's the best
26:08week of me life!
26:08What? You heard that?
26:10Hey, listen to this. Dad!
26:13You recorded it?
26:14I've said it's my ringtone! Dad!
26:16Please die.
26:20Hey, we survived the hostage situation.
26:23GCSEs are going to be a piece of piss.
26:25We've got our whole lives ahead of us, so let's make the most of it.
26:28Especially with people like this to share it with.
26:30And never let that feeling fade.
26:33I want you to remember this weekend as the one when you realised you only have one shot at life.
26:37Cheers, sir. We will.
26:39And if we ever forget, we've always got this to remind us.
26:43To my beloved wife, I owe you the truth.
26:45There have been some indiscretions, 23 to be precise.
26:48Give that to me, Rhys.
26:49It all began with Miss von Schweinitz at the Christmas party.
26:52I should have resisted.
26:54The fishnet stockings were my undoing.
26:56Guys, stop it.
26:58Show some respect.
26:59The same respect he shows Mrs Roberts.
27:02I must confess, Mrs Roberts, when I tell you I love you, it's a lie.
27:06It's only ever been about the sex.
27:07I'm pretty sure Oliver from Arnie is my son.
27:10In fact, I'm certain.
27:11The resemblance is uncanny.
27:13I've seen her here.
27:15Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
27:17Aaaaaaaaaaaa!
27:19Aaaaaaaaaa!
27:20Oh...
27:20O-!
27:21O-!