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00:13You ready?
00:14More than I'll ever be.
00:16I want to thank you for being so patient with me.
00:18Not wanting to have sex before marriage.
00:21Tonight, I'm all yours. Every inch of me.
00:26That's crack on, lads.
00:28Tiny little fella you, aren't you?
00:31How tall are you?
00:335'2".
00:33No, no way you're 5'2".
00:36Yeah, thought so.
00:385'1".
00:39What?
00:40You said you were 5'2".
00:41I am.
00:42On a good day, Link.
00:43I'm sorry, I can't.
00:45I can't go into 5'2".
00:47No, please.
00:48No, don't go.
00:49I'll take her to San Carlo.
00:51Please.
00:52Shame that.
00:54Lovely arse on her.
00:56And the 2026 Ballon d'Or winner is...
01:00Rhys Duffy.
01:02What?
01:03What?
01:05What?
01:10What?
01:11What?
01:11What?
01:11What?
01:12What?
01:13Hang on, hang on.
01:14Hang on.
01:15Look, I'm sorry but, I'm afraid there's something you all have to see.
01:20What a gun!
01:21I'm running!
01:22Get back!
01:23Get back!
01:23Get back!
01:24Get back!
01:24Get back!
01:25Can I get back up?
01:26It's been up for seven?
01:28It's been up for seven, isn't it?
01:30But everyone's big to you, lad!
01:31Have that, get it on my feet!
01:33Come on!
01:34Get off the feet!
01:36Get off!
01:40Shabbat!
01:41No!
01:44Shaggy baby, don't say a word!
01:47Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird!
01:49You alright, just show your face!
01:53No, no, no!
01:55Daddy's gonna buy you a diamond ring.
02:01What are you doing in me house?
02:03Your father and son didn't need words when they were reunited.
02:06Their hugs said everything!
02:08I do need words!
02:10Fuck off!
02:11Mum!
02:12Mum!
02:14What have you done to your ass off, lad?
02:16It's a mid-fade.
02:17A mid-fade?
02:18We're a mid-life crisis.
02:21Cheers for the confidence boost!
02:23Come on, Scrooge.
02:25Oh, hang on.
02:26Er, hello?
02:28Mum!
02:28Mum!
02:29Mum!
02:30What is she doing here?
02:35Look, son.
02:36I've been wanting to tell you this for a while now, but I just couldn't find the right time.
02:41The DNA company mixed up your results.
02:45Darren's your real dad.
02:47I knew it!
02:49Thank you!
02:50Thank you!
02:51No, no, no, no, no!
02:53Darren, no.
02:53I'm just...
02:54I'm winding up.
02:54I believe so.
02:56Lord, why hast thou forsaken me?
02:58Oh, Jesus, Lord.
02:59Look, Darren got in touch a few months ago.
03:01He's been really struggling.
03:02Anyway, last night he got kicked out of his flat, so I've told him he can have our spare room
03:05for a bit.
03:06Please, son.
03:07You know, last night, I spent my last 20 quid on a custom OnlyFans video just so I could hear
03:12a complete stranger say my name.
03:15Like I'm at it.
03:18But she called me Daryl.
03:23No.
03:24Jesus!
03:25Hey!
03:26And your mum said, me and you, we can get bunk beds.
03:30No.
03:30Darren!
03:31No.
03:38You know what?
03:40He's taking Rhys away from me again.
03:42Not this time.
03:44What?
03:44You are not his dad, alright?
03:48Promise me you won't be his dad.
03:50I don't want to be his dad.
03:51Great!
03:52Now you're letting Disneyland Darren move in.
03:54You're on fire, Mum.
03:55I didn't exactly plan all of this.
03:57It's just everything started to feel so different.
03:59I know.
04:00It feels different for me too.
04:03But just because it feels different, doesn't mean anything has to change.
04:08Still me and you, kiddo.
04:11And yeah, occasionally now, you might hear me in the dead at night screaming,
04:15Deeper, Johnny!
04:16Go deeper!
04:17You are despicable, you know.
04:20You shagged the air?
04:21Absolutely none of your business.
04:23Don't worry, brother.
04:25You're good with your words, but shit with your cock.
04:27I'm bad with your words, but I don't let me cock do the talking.
04:30I am an absolute cocksman!
04:32Tell you what?
04:33I'd be willing to give you a shagging master glass, if you like.
04:38Yeah.
04:38Jordy's likes, Jordy's dislikes.
04:40You know me, Trace.
04:41No!
04:42Brother's race.
04:44You know what's mad?
04:45I still remember exactly how to make her cum.
04:52Mad the brain, innit?
04:54Come on.
05:04Right, how can you be an ally?
05:05I'mma show you.
05:06Global force displacement is a record high yield.
05:08Are you aware of the shocking statistics?
05:10Hey!
05:11This is all I've got.
05:11Yeah, that'll do.
05:12We need monies for foodings.
05:14Thank you for your generous donation.
05:16Monies!
05:17For foodings!
05:18Please!
05:18These are your bits of combat world hunger by a female.
05:21And here it comes.
05:24One, two, three, four.
05:26I'm sorry, lads.
05:27Your new Queen Victoria ruled from 1837 to 1901, but you didn't know the exact temperature in
05:33Buckingham Palace on her birthday in 1885.
05:36Can you go?
05:37I told you to go to 21 degrees, lad.
05:39Sir, sir, he has done it again.
05:41You kindly allowed us to celebrate Refugee Awareness Week and now look at him.
05:44Rhys, this stops now.
05:46In fact, I'd like you to help her this week.
05:49I really think you'll benefit.
05:50No, no, no, sir.
05:51I do not want him anywhere near me this week.
05:53It's the only way he's going to learn, I'm afraid.
05:55It's here as a chance to gain a new perspective.
05:58To understand on a deeper level what poor little lads like this have to go through.
06:03Sir, that's Aaron.
06:05Mo's cousin in year nine.
06:07Yes.
06:09And until I see a welcome shift in your attitude, Rhys, you're off the school football team.
06:14Nah, sir, it's the semis this week.
06:16Mr. Finlay's not going to have it, lads.
06:18Who's going to play up top?
06:19Mo?
06:19He doesn't work for the team.
06:21Me's got many golly!
06:29Where's your apron?
06:30Some of your ten lads wearing it.
06:31He's on work experience.
06:32Why?
06:34Oh, no.
06:36No, no, no, no, no.
06:36What?
06:37Get the apron.
06:38Get the apron!
06:40What?
06:40Get the apron!
06:42Hey, the whole week with the brimble dough.
06:44That's torture, lads.
06:46Nah.
06:46Him listening through the walls as Mr. Dunpant says my all week.
06:49That's torture.
06:50Lad, I just can't believe Duny's coming inside, you actual man.
06:54Oh, lads, shut up.
06:57I don't want the whole school finding out.
06:59Eh!
06:59Mr. Dunn's a perv.
07:01He's just giving me a note saying, fancy some alone time with Mr. Dunn tonight.
07:05Whoa!
07:07That's disgusting!
07:08I've got a minute, you lot piped out!
07:10Pipe down!
07:12Mr. Dunn is not a perv.
07:15That note was meant for me.
07:17wait.
07:18How is this ?
07:19He's a bit mean to stand up.
07:19Mr. Dunn's shagging me.
07:24Jodn's shagging you.
07:26He's mine!
07:27Donn scudging me!よろしく
07:37her honor! Donnig
07:39s Hats feels
07:39like me.
07:40Son, you can sit back down. We haven't done that yet.
07:44Shhh!
07:48We have done some stuff.
07:52Ahhhhh!
07:53Donny's been grinning your ma! Donny's been grinning your ma!
07:56Stand up! Donny's been grinning your ma! Donny's been grinning your ma!
08:00Donny's been grinning your ma! Donny's been grinning your ma!
08:01Go, go, go, go! No, we haven't done that.
08:05What? What?
08:06I'm expecting more from you than I know.
08:08Donny's been técnica.
08:10Einodarmees.
08:12Donny's begin 아닙니다.
08:24Donny's begin nerve-jokes!
08:27No amount!
08:34açık
08:38Would you rather do Bonnie blues 1,000 men in 12 hours, or Mr Dunn making gentle love to you
08:44for 12 hours?
08:46I'd genuinely rather do 1,000 men.
08:50Oh my God! The casting for a Still Black musical biopic, and it's an open call!
08:55Your scouse, Ginger, what more do they want?
09:00Hi Dad!
09:01Hello!
09:01Alright Waino!
09:03To be considered, please send us a short video telling us a bit about yourself, who you are and what
09:08you love.
09:09For fuck's sake I hate these.
09:10Why?
09:11Because I can hardly tell the truth, can't I?
09:12Hi! I'm Mimi Morris. I couldn't even steal a black song if my life depended on it.
09:16And I once rated dick pics on Room for Fans.
09:18Where are you away?
09:19There's a surprisingly high amount of circumstance penises in the Merseyside area.
09:34I don't know this new country. I don't speak its words.
09:38What if I never belong in the UK?
09:40It's okay. I was once like you. I too have felt that fear.
09:46When I moved from Sheffield to Liverpool in year nine, I was lost.
09:50New slang. New buses. They even laughed at my accent.
09:53But now, I do belong. And so will you.
09:57Where is Mama?
09:58Back home they called me a doctor.
10:01Now they'll call me a problem.
10:02Mama? Is that you?
10:05You are not a problem. You are an asset to the nation.
10:08Store bad? We sickings, Mama!
10:11It's not fair!
10:12Sacrifice yourself, Mama!
10:13The storm is really settling!
10:15You lie, Mama!
10:16I'm not lying!
10:17Who wants both things Mama should just?
10:24Look, Mama! A prophecy!
10:26Please give us back!
10:27Please give us back!
10:28Give us back!
10:31I'll enter your name into the undercarriage of a lorry, Mama!
10:34What?
10:36Why do you have to be so selfish, Rhys?
10:38Because you get your laugh, nothing else matters, does it?
10:41But what about those of us who do care?
10:42Do you even think what it's like for them to see you tear it down like it's nothing?
10:49He's gone too far in.
10:51Lads, he said you could do it!
10:53Oh, there! There we go!
10:55Come on, come on.
10:58It's me shoes!
11:00It's me shoes, lad, I promise!
11:02May Louise do more kick-ups and cocks she's had this year?
11:04Yeah, it's still a long way to go.
11:05Go on, girl!
11:06Oh, my God, no, come back!
11:07Oh, my God!
11:08You're right.
11:09I haven't got me come back.
11:11Still stuck on your Ma's face from last night.
11:13Oh!
11:14She's back!
11:15Wait, wait, she's back!
11:16She's back!
11:17Can you do that again?
11:18Oh, my gosh!
11:19How should I do this?
11:21Oh, my gosh!
11:23Okay?
11:24Funny how you bang on about Arnie Slotman,
11:26calling him the slot machine.
11:28When I heard you couldn't get it up,
11:29it was like trying to put a marshmallow in a slot machine.
11:31Oh, my God!
11:34That's the fumes!
11:35That's the fumes!
11:37That's the fumes!
11:39That's the fumes!
11:40That's the fumes!
11:40Sick.
11:42What?
11:42Sick.
11:43Oh, my God!
11:44Christopher,
11:45sometimes Amy still thinks she has feelings for you.
11:48Really?
11:49And then it reminds her,
11:49you once ate chicken wings with a fork
11:51and they completely go away.
11:53Oh!
11:53It really is!
11:54I didn't have any wipes!
11:55Fuck you!
11:56Fuck you, bad boys.
11:57I have no time for tears.
11:59Oh, ho!
12:00No, daddy!
12:01No, daddy!
12:01No, daddy!
12:02Hey, Maggie Louise!
12:03Time to sexy!
12:11I've just spent the last ten minutes in Disneyland Aaron's room,
12:13perfecting our secret best mate and cheek.
12:15There's eleven moves.
12:17And a sound effect.
12:18Look, it's just for a few weeks, I promise.
12:21Anyway,
12:22I'm really glad I've got the two ears here together
12:23because,
12:25Rhys, there's something really important I want to talk to you about.
12:27As you know, Philip,
12:30has come to mean an awful lot to me.
12:32And so,
12:33we've decided to move forward together as a family.
12:37I know he cares about us deeply.
12:39Because,
12:40while blood
12:41might make someone a father, Rhys,
12:45it's the heart of this man,
12:48right here,
12:50that makes him your dad.
12:51Oh, my God.
12:54Oh, my God.
12:59Oh, my God.
13:01Mom?
13:02Shall I see the look on both your faces?
13:11Lights will guide you home
13:17And ignite your bones
13:23And I will try to fix you
13:40Look, I want to say sorry about yesterday
13:45I mean, I do think you take things way too far that they become laughable
13:47Is this meant to be an apology?
13:49No, what I'm saying is I know there's a serious issue behind it
13:51So I asked Habib and Sagar who live on my estate if they'll come in and talk
13:55I mean, if people hear from actual refugees that are smashing life
13:58Then I might show people that, you know, refugees do bring something to society
14:03Thank you, I'll host
14:05Just give me five minutes to come up with some questions
14:08Come on
14:13I need to know his weaknesses
14:14What are you doing here?
14:15I mean, I know his cocks, but what else?
14:16I don't know
14:17So you don't think he's got any weaknesses?
14:19You think he's perfect, do you?
14:21Do you love him?
14:22No, I don't love him
14:22Oh, has he hated him?
14:23I don't hate him either
14:24Look, what are you making your mind up, son?
14:27You're talking about people's lives here
14:32Jodie, Jodie, listen to me
14:33Just one drink at the social
14:35Come on, it's for your 40th
14:37Fine, but will you relax?
14:39It's like you're desperate to impress me
14:41You've already got me, Tony
14:43All right, see you later
14:44Where are you going?
14:45Oh, I'm just off to see my ex-boyfriend, Hank
14:47When I said we were seeing each other
14:49He was desperate for a bit of breakup sex, so
14:50What?
14:51I'm only joking
14:52He's not my ex, I've got you both on the ground
14:54Bye
14:56She's gone
14:57Okay
14:58Could you start by introducing yourselves?
15:01Yes, my name is Habib
15:03I am from Eritrea
15:04I've been here refugee five years
15:06My name is Zagar from Afghanistan
15:09Refugee four year
15:10You call yourself refugees?
15:12I call you strong
15:15Courageous
15:15Victorious
15:16I call you woman with beautiful pig face
15:20Thank you
15:21Could you talk about your successful lives here in the UK?
15:26Yes, I work very hard seven years
15:28And now I qualify doctor here
15:32Amazing, Zagar
15:33But then my husband come as refugee too
15:36And he say, I'm not to be a doctor
15:38I stay in house, I cook for him
15:40I his properties
15:42Because women have smaller brains than man
15:45But women have smaller brains than man
15:47Habib
15:48Could you speak about how dangerous it was back in Eritrea
15:51That you had no choice other than to leave?
15:54Hell on earth
15:54A place where despair consumed every shred of hope
15:57I cannot even begin to fathom
15:59Because Wi-Fi is very inconsistent
16:01And avocados is not very ripe
16:03It's not nice
16:04What about the war?
16:06No, no, no
16:06War, war is very far away from me
16:08I only say I am war to come to the UK to get the money for doing nothings
16:12The UK very, very kind for this
16:14Thank you, Mr. Two Tears Kid
16:20They're not refugees, are they?
16:22Nah, that's highly unnady yet
16:23Born and played Scottish
16:24Yes, lad, thanks for being there
16:27See you later, Rhys
16:28See you later, Rhys
16:29Why can't you just let me do this?
16:31Because you'll have to make yourself be the main character all the time
16:33It's called caring
16:34The world can't be full of Rhys, Duffy, selfish, no conscience, no guilt
16:38Oh, imagine that
16:39Be sick, we'd all just crack on
16:40Yeah
16:40All just living an easy life with no consequences
16:43Because that's how you like it, isn't it, Rhys?
16:45Or never trying
16:46Never stepping out of your comfort zone
16:48So then you never have to fail
16:49But I have to do this
16:51Do you understand that?
16:53I have to
16:59I can't always be, yeah, I
17:02I'm absolutely not
17:03Because I've got to be awake, eh, Lisa Maric?
17:05Surprise!
17:09Thank you
17:10Thank you
17:10Ahhhh
17:12Mum?
17:13You look lovely
17:13I love you
17:14Ah, I love you
17:16Are you alright, Jode?
17:17Alright, Callum
17:18Where's your mum?
17:19Oh, she, uh, she said she's coming later
17:21OK
17:23Shall we get you something to eat?
17:25Yeah
17:25Yeah?
17:26OK, come on
17:29Ooh
17:31Ooh
17:31A surprise party
17:34What, do you want a medal?
17:36You know what's no surprise, mate?
17:38The fact that your cock
17:40Still hasn't been in her fanny
17:44It's fucking lovely in there, mate
17:47Right
17:47This stops
17:48Now
17:48You wanna take my son
17:51You wanna take what means most to me
17:52And then I'm gonna take
17:53What matters most to you
17:55We'll take my son
17:57You wanna take my son
18:02Sorry
18:02No more
18:02No more
18:05No more
18:06Leave a break
18:08Sorry
18:09Sorry
18:09Sorry
18:09I haven't seen you
18:13Mo...
18:13Can I have a ramp your arm on?
18:16Pfff
18:16The last
18:17Go from no darts
18:19To three darts
18:27I mean, I guess three's got to be the biological Benham, man.
18:33Hello, everybody.
18:35My name's Darren, and I'm an old friend of Jodie's.
18:39About a while ago now.
18:42Well, I hit rock bottom.
18:44I thought there was nothing left of me worth saving.
18:46And then along came this incredible woman.
18:53You pulled me from the wreckage.
18:55You saw something in me when I couldn't see it in myself.
18:58And because of that, you and I will always share something real.
19:04Happy birthday, Jodie.
19:09What a load of bollocks.
19:12Who's this, lad?
19:15Hi, everyone.
19:17I just wanted to say a few words about my Jodie.
19:21See, it wasn't a spark reigniting.
19:25It was a flame that had never gone out.
19:29A true connection.
19:30Awww.
19:32Awww.
19:34Awww.
19:35Impressive from your favourite dad.
19:37Shut up, lad.
19:39We all know that true connection can only ever fully be achieved when those two people are shacked.
19:49Awww.
19:51Oh my god.
19:54I'm not looking for.
19:55Wait, wait, wait.
19:56I'm not looking for one.
19:56What are you supposed to give your mart and laughing?
19:57No he's not.
20:00Awww.
20:01Awww.
20:06Awww.
20:06Oh my god!
20:08Oh my god!
20:10Oh my god!
20:12What?
20:16That's what I'm just going to do to get back!
20:22Oh my god!
20:24Oh my god!
20:24Oh, thank you!
20:26Poor me!
20:28Ah, that's your own love!
20:31I wish I was in that shit!
20:36Oh my god!
20:38He's 69 in Japan!
20:41He's 69 in Japan!
20:44He's 69 in Japan!
20:45Oh my god!
20:46Oh my god!
20:53That's awesome!
20:55That's awesome!
20:56What is this, lad?
20:59Oh, he's number one, lad!
21:01He is number one!
21:03Okay.
21:04Maybe a true connection does require
21:06physical chemistry.
21:07But it also requires emotional chemistry.
21:10Oh my god!
21:11How?
21:15Joby, I can be a cocksmoop.
21:17I promise you that.
21:18I see the real you.
21:19I'm like this Disneyland twat.
21:25Okay, his dance was hot.
21:28He's one sexy monk.
21:30But tonight he'll go home for a sad, lonely wank.
21:33Oh!
21:35I'll give you a masterclass.
21:36Let him make you.
21:37No.
21:38Oh!
21:39I see the strength it took to raise this kid alone.
21:42Get hot!
21:43I didn't know how to do that.
21:45How was he a teacher?
21:46I'll rock your world.
21:48Shake it!
21:49All through the night.
21:50While having you by my side,
21:52set to my soul.
21:54Alight.
21:54Where's it?
21:56Where's it?
21:57Oh!
21:58I'm coming!
22:01Oh!
22:02Oh!
22:03There is not a doubt in my mind that YOU are getting it tonight.
22:08Oh!
22:12Sorry, Luff.
22:13Let's eat that.
22:14I'm sorry to check the bar.
22:15Shut up, lads.
22:16Hiya.
22:17I think I might have over-promised a bit there.
22:20Oh no.
22:22Okay.
22:24Yeah, no problem tonight.
22:26All right.
22:29What is it, Mum?
22:30Don't worry, son.
22:32You all right?
22:35Listen, your mummy's had to go away for a little bit.
22:38Why?
22:42Do you want to come and stay with me and me tonight?
22:43Yeah?
22:45We'll have a sleepover.
22:46We'll get some snacks.
22:49It's okay. Come here.
22:51It's all right.
22:53It's all right.
23:02So, let's socially in just this.
23:05Sponsored this week by Voltage Energy Bars
23:08packed with protein for when you're fleeing your home
23:10and your treacherous journey takes an unexpected turn for the worse.
23:14So, this week has been all about refugee awareness.
23:18Don't stop believing
23:23There's something that's sent to you
23:27Leave our family
23:32Ladies and gentlemen, it's Reece Stuffy, the boy who never lifts a finger to hell but always has the energy
23:39to criticise those of us who do.
23:40Please.
23:41All right. First, I should be doing more and I'm going to try. I swear.
23:46But it's not going to be for issues that are miles away that get hashtags and sounds all noble.
23:51Because what about the causes closer to home?
23:53A friend of my ma got sexing yesterday for trying to kill herself.
23:58She's an alcoholic and she's got two kids.
24:01Imagine that.
24:03Alcohol destroying your brain that much that you think leaving your kids like that is the best option.
24:08And what happens to them now?
24:09They've got no dad. What's their future?
24:12Maybe we focus on causes that are far away because then we don't have to face anything too real.
24:17And look, I'm not saying let's ignore the world's problems.
24:20What I'm saying is why don't we help what's closer to?
24:23Because if we're closer to it, isn't that where we can make the greatest difference?
24:32Thanks, Ron.
24:43We've put that video up on TikTok of you doing kick-ups and destroying us and it has blown up.
24:48I've called it kick-ups and put-downs.
24:51If you look at the comments, she ate them up. She should do it.
24:54We need to do more.
24:57Give us the ball then.
24:58We need to leave.
25:00Come on.
25:03Oh, lads, she's sick.
25:04She's too sick.
25:07Hey, you look like you're about to be cast in the remake of Moana.
25:17Rhys?
25:19What you said about why don't we focus on what's close to us?
25:23Annoyingly, maybe you've got a point.
25:24Sometimes, everyday life is just...
25:28...messier.
25:30We can agree on mapping Mo.
25:32Are we any chance of talking to me to get me back on the footy team?
25:35Maybe.
25:35Because even I know playing Mo up front doesn't work.
25:38No hold-up play, no pressing.
25:39You're basically asking to be overrun in transition.
25:45See you in a bit.
25:48Hey, Wayne.
25:50You know that disease you have?
25:52Is it the same one that Stephen Hawkins fella had?
25:54Like, you're gonna start talking like a robot and that?
25:56Different one, that, love.
25:58That's MND.
26:00I've got MS.
26:03I just got an email from the cellar casting people.
26:06They want me to come to the audition days they're having in Liverpool.
26:08I thought you didn't send a video.
26:09I didn't. Look.
26:11That was me.
26:13What? Show me now!
26:16So...
26:17Why?
26:19I'm Eleanor Ponsonby.
26:20I fell in love with performance H3 when I played a snowflake in The Nutcracker.
26:25Of course, I've never seen a penis, but...
26:27I've won various awards for my feminist monologues about them.
26:32Look.
26:33I had to send her in because she didn't see the point in applying.
26:36She thought she wouldn't stand out.
26:38And that kills me.
26:39Because I've seen what she can do.
26:41She's amazing.
26:42And this.
26:44That's all she's ever wanted.
26:46I really, really hope you can see what I see.
26:51Oh, my God.
26:53Just like one of them.
26:54That's me girl.
26:56Me.
26:59I need an outfit!
27:04You know how, like, a phone after a few years just stops working and goes to shit?
27:09Well, you've got a bit like that in that way now.
27:14So?
27:15How much money are you going to get?
27:16Do you reckon you'll pay for England?
27:17Do you reckon you'll pay for England?
27:17Do you reckon you can get me Alicia Lehmans number?
27:19Shut up!
27:19It's just a trial.
27:20I treat my school like a talent factory.
27:23I put raw talent in.
27:25And England caps come out.
27:27Take Sean Haynes.
27:28Five England under-21 caps.
27:30Could have been a lot more if you didn't go to prison for armed robbery.
27:33True.
27:34But armed robbery takes teamwork.
27:37Split-second decision-making.
27:38All the stuff we teach here at Oldsbrook High.
27:41What are you doing here?
27:43Tracy has some very exciting news.
27:45We were very impressed with your trial.
27:46And?
27:47They're offering you a place in the academy.
27:50Oh my god, do you imagine?
27:52We've got Louise.
27:54Super by Louise.
27:56I just don't think you'll understand.
27:59She'll kick up on your nan.
28:01She's better than Zidane.
28:02We've got Super by Louise.
28:06We've got Louise.
28:07Super by Louise.
28:08I just don't think you'll understand.
28:11Kick up on your nan.
28:13She's better than Zidane.
28:14We've got Super by Louise.
28:17Let me drive.
28:18Son, I understand your frustration.
28:21Lessons with loved ones are always harder because we're carrying emotional baggage into the car.
28:25No we're not. You're not a loved one.
28:29Oh my god.
28:32If that arse were on the M&S dining menu, I wouldn't need cutlery, I'd be in face first.
28:42Lads, that's one of my M&S meats.
28:45How did you ever pass your test?
28:47I didn't.
28:48You don't drive?
28:49Nah, it's not for me.
28:50So what are you teaching us for?
28:51Because your mum asked me to.
28:53And when I shagged her all them years ago, I'd never done that before but I knew exactly what to
28:57do.
28:57This is stupid.
28:58You don't drive.
28:59And you're not even my dad.
29:00You're just some little weirdo I won't piss off.
29:09It's okay son.
29:12I know you think I'm an idiot.
29:14I know everyone does.
29:16And I know I'm not your dad.
29:18And I know I shouldn't inject myself with stuff I bought off the dark web that promises to recall my
29:22DNA so it's similar to yours.
29:23But unlike your real dad son, I'm here for you.
29:29I'm here for you because I get it.
29:32I get waiting for the text that never comes.
29:36I get convincing yourself that this time it'll show and I'm feeling like a fool for even hoping.
29:43I get wishing that you had someone in your life that when you truly needed them, they would look you
29:48in the eye and they'd say,
29:49I've got this son.
29:50So if I can do that for you then, maybe I can finally have something to be proud of in
29:55your eye.
30:03Oh, it is raining, returning to your arse.
30:06I'm living the dream here son.
30:10What are you doing you little weirdo?
30:13And I want to introduce you to Daisy.
30:15She's one of our Academy girls.
30:16And from today you're going to be on a tailored nutrition plan and eating together.
30:20Oh, romantic meals together every day.
30:22I think at this rate we'll be scissoring by the end of the week, Trace.
30:26You are?
30:28I would have made up another girl from this girl joining the Academy.
30:31Oh my god, it's her.
30:32The girl who's missed every party since year seven.
30:35We've all got our own journeys haven't we?
30:37Some of us sweat through eight years of bleep tests and no social life.
30:40And some get spotted cause somehow Divvy at the club got excited over your shitty TikToks.
30:44And you're around the world.
30:46You pause mid-step, your plan foot was off and the ball barely got off the ground.
30:50Yeah.
31:03Hi girls, nice to meet you.
31:04Oh hey, can I get some fresh towels set up to room 214 when you get a sec?
31:07Thanks.
31:09No.
31:09I don't wake ya.
31:11I'm auditioning.
31:12Oh god.
31:12Oh I'm so sorry.
31:13I...
31:14I heard the accent.
31:15Yeah.
31:15And you really look like the maid from this morning.
31:18Yeah, doesn't she look like the maid?
31:19Oh my god, she so does.
31:20Can he?
31:21Oh and hilarious, you're doing the accent already.
31:22Love the commitment.
31:24No.
31:25That's just my voice.
31:26I'm from Liverpool.
31:27I'm from Liverpool.
31:28Okay.
31:29Nice to see you.
31:30You're both done as Lasky.
31:31It's impressive.
31:32Well good luck with it, yeah?
31:33Shall we talk to him?
31:34Do you want me to leave a mint onto your pillow later?
31:38Um, no.
31:40No, it's okay.
31:44Hey Sam.
31:45I can't always be I.
31:49Joe, do you know what I can't do?
31:51I've got made to shout out on Amy.
31:52Are you really turning down sex?
31:54It's not appropriate, right?
31:55I'll tell you what's not appropriate.
31:56Me sat here on me bill while you've got a hotel room to yourself.
32:00I need to do a job.
32:01I've got to go.
32:02Alright, alright.
32:03Do it.
32:03Do it.
32:04Hello.
32:06Hi.
32:07I'm Philip.
32:08I'm Amy's teacher.
32:10Er.
32:11Yeah.
32:11Um, I just wanted to say, you know what?
32:13I really appreciate you giving Amy this chance.
32:16It matters.
32:17Give them working class girls a shot.
32:18What's your room like?
32:20Steady on, sailor.
32:21I barely know you.
32:24Yeah, it's really nice to be fair.
32:27You?
32:27Mine's grim.
32:29I did King Lear in Albania once.
32:30She had a bed with a goat.
32:32Five star compared to my room here.
32:34Well, you can take mine if you like.
32:36It'd be my pleasure.
32:38Great.
32:38We'll swap this evening.
32:40Oh, er, just a heads up.
32:42You might get an angry scouser turning up demanding sex, so, er, watch your back.
32:47What do you mean?
32:48What?
32:51I actually don't know.
32:59So, a lot of you have been asking what to eat for my lunch and my intake.
33:03So, today I am having quinoa and chickpeas.
33:05That's 18 grams of protein, 60 grams of carbs, 9 grams of fibre, and that's per portion.
33:11Well, don't I'll have to do that again now.
33:14It's for the academy socials.
33:15Yeah, but I was losing the will to live, Gail.
33:17As if.
33:19156 calories, 8.7 grams of fat, and 0.36 grams of salt per 30 grams serving.
33:23Which is 13 Pringles.
33:28120 calories, 5.6 grams of fat, and 12.2 grams of sugar.
33:32Wow.
33:33You're like the rain man of Scrum.
33:35It's all margins.
33:37And margins win trophies.
33:39Trophies?
33:40Gail, it's a mini-roll.
33:41What do you think's going to happen?
33:42Oh, you eat one, and then you score an own goal.
33:44No, you eat one, and then next game you're half a second slower to the ball, coach notices
33:47and slubs you off.
33:48Great.
33:49And I can have another mini-roll on the bench.
33:51Fine.
33:51Laugh now, but when we're 18, and I'm scoring goals for England, and you're working in Greggs,
33:55remember this, chas?
33:56Yeah, well, when I'm scoring goals for England, and I whip a mini-roll out my sock, and chomp on
34:00it as my celebration, remember this, chas?
34:02Trust me, the only crowd you were ever going to hear chafing you was the one at lunchtime,
34:05when you bring out the sausage rolls.
34:11Right.
34:12I'm Sam.
34:15Director.
34:16Now, this first exercise is all about releasing what's buried.
34:23The chaos.
34:27The truth.
34:30So we're going to move.
34:32We're going to move.
34:33Yeah.
34:34Yeah.
34:35And when it hits you, you're going to let it out.
34:38You're going to roar.
34:39Come on.
34:40Some energy.
34:41Come on.
34:41It's blood.
34:42Come on.
34:43Dude.
34:44The frustration.
34:45Oh, it gives me so long since a man's fucked me.
34:47I don't know if I cry or bleed.
34:51Come on.
34:52You two.
34:53Come on.
34:53I hate my father.
34:54I hate my life.
34:55I hate my teacher.
34:56Yes, I was included in the best 21 actresses under 25, but do people even like me for me?
35:02Yes.
35:02Let it out.
35:04Let it out.
35:05No, it's not the clock I miss.
35:07It's the eye contact whilst he ruins me.
35:11What the fuck?
35:13Now son, driving is not just about the practical theory matters too.
35:16And my theory of philosophy is simple.
35:18Be secure.
35:19Be safe.
35:21Be semi.
35:22Semi?
35:23Always drive with a semi so you're ready for sexual intercourse if the opportunity arrives.
35:28What?
35:28Now, I've prepared some questions.
35:30Oh, the folder's out.
35:32Question one.
35:34You spot a woman jogging towards you in a sports bar with some cracking tits.
35:38Do you A. Maintain full concentration on the road.
35:42B. Briefly look, then return your eyes to the road.
35:45Or C. Stare, rear-ending to a lorry, losing both your legs, safe in the knowledge that you've
35:50got a snapshot in your head of a goated pair of tits.
35:52Well, A, obviously.
35:55It's C, son.
35:56What?
35:56This is ridiculous.
35:57Just let me drive.
35:58Oh, come on, son.
35:59You're better than this.
36:00I can't let you drive until you get one right.
36:03Question two.
36:05You're parked up after dark and hear rhythmic knocking coming from the car next door.
36:12Do you A. Mind your business and drive away.
36:14B. Turn your radio down so you can hear better.
36:17Or C. Get out, knock on the window, and when they wind the window down, just start wanking.
36:21B. Fine, C.
36:23No, son.
36:24It's B.
36:25C would be a criminal offence.
36:26You can't go around doing that.
36:27What's wrong with you?
36:28You disgusting little man.
36:30What?
36:31I've got something, Dad.
36:33I've got a voice that stops people.
36:37And when I'm up there, when I sing, I don't feel scared.
36:42I don't feel small anymore.
36:45You'll get your heart broken.
36:46It's already broken.
36:48Every time I hear another person's voice on the radio.
36:52Every time I see a girl like me pretend she's happy with just enough.
36:58I don't want just enough, Dad.
37:01I want everything.
37:03I'm so good.
37:04I'm so good.
37:04I'm so good.
37:05I'm so good.
37:05I'm so good.
37:07I'm so good.
37:08I'm so good.
37:10No room.
37:11And the accent.
37:12Flawless.
37:13Not one single slip.
37:16Something funny?
37:18Sorry.
37:20I thought you were being sarcastic.
37:22Like, it went terrible, but it just sounded like someone doing an impression of what they
37:26think someone from Liverpool sounds like.
37:28Overpronounced on the air when she said radio.
37:30But theatre isn't about what sounds right.
37:32It's about truth.
37:34If an actor can make you believe her pain, her dreams, her joy, who cares if she hits
37:40the right vowels on radio?
37:41People from Liverpool care.
37:43If it means they get overlooked again.
37:45A real accent's okay when it's someone playing a criminal or a joke.
37:48Or when it's a lead, it's too strong or too common.
37:52So that's why a real accent matters.
37:54Because it gives people from Liverpool a chance that they deserve.
37:57I get what you're saying.
37:58I do.
37:59Representation matters.
38:00But let me ask you this.
38:02If Silla was in this room right now, would she want the girl who sounded the most like
38:09her?
38:09Or the one who made us feel like she did?
38:15I can't always be I.
38:19Did you hear the rumour that Mr Holt was one of the Bonnie Blue 1000 men?
38:22No.
38:23They do look like his shoes, don't they?
38:30Okay.
38:30I'm gonna get to survive, lads.
38:33How's it going? You haven't updated me?
38:35Because I'm going home.
38:36What, you've done the singing?
38:37No, because what's the point?
38:38They're not looking for girls like me, they're looking for girls like them.
38:41Posh privileged girls trained up since they were in the womb.
38:42Yeah, but you're privileged too, girl.
38:44What do you mean?
38:45Because you know what you want.
38:47Do you know how rare that is, Ames?
38:49That's privilege.
38:50So forget what they might want.
38:52Just go and enjoy the fact that you know what you want.
38:55Enjoy trying to live your dream.
38:57Just enjoy your privilege.
39:00And you're also privileged in the tits department, so if they don't like your singing, just whip
39:03them out, girl.
39:07Where are we?
39:08This is in the middle of nowhere.
39:10Lads, how long you gonna be?
39:12I'm not sure, to be honest, boys.
39:14I mean, she said she's into role play.
39:15That might put me off and last longer.
39:17But then again, she's married.
39:19And there's something about that that makes me come quicker, so...
39:22What, so we're supposed to just sit here and wait for you?
39:24I'd ask if you could watch, but it's my first time meeting her.
39:27Maybe next time, eh?
39:28It doesn't mean because we want to watch.
39:30Well, I need to see what she looks like first.
39:31I don't know what she looks like, boys.
39:33It's been non-stop titting dick pics.
39:36Yeah, tell you what, Rhys.
39:37Lighting in your bedroom, don't it?
39:38I've made my cock look majestic, you know.
39:40Just get out, will you?
39:41I remember what I said, boys.
39:42About me driving philosophy.
39:44Be secure.
39:45Be safe.
39:47Be zeny.
39:48Be zeny.
39:48Cock in gear.
40:08Be safe.
40:09Just think, if I hadn't encouraged you to find your dad, you wouldn't be sitting outside
40:13a hotel waiting for a man called Disneyland Darren to ejaculate.
40:18Where are you with your big time, lads?
40:23Oh, lads, I need the piss.
40:24Yeah.
40:27Hey, are you the best person to talk to about delivery?
40:29Yes, I am.
40:30Great.
40:30I've got a lot of something arriving for me later.
40:32Could you make sure it comes up to room 226, please?
40:34It's a gift for someone special.
40:38Thanks.
41:02Thank you, Alex.
41:04Fantastic.
41:05Thank you, Alex.
41:10Oh, there was a room where you'd gone home.
41:13Good for you, coming back.
41:15You know, it's not always about getting the role.
41:18It's about having a little go.
41:28At last, my love has come along, my lonely days are over, and life is like a song.
41:48Oh, yeah, yeah, at last, the sky's above the blue, my heart was wrapped up in clover, the night I
42:02looked at you.
42:06I found a dream that I could speak to, a dream that I could call my own, I found a
42:20thrill to press my cheek to, a thrill that I have never known, oh, yeah, yeah, you smile.
42:39Amy, that was beautiful, I believed every word, right, see you all tomorrow, remember, expect the unexpected, absorb, listen, learn,
42:53I'll be watching, go on.
43:04Hello there, just want to say, spoke to reception, going to do a little swap-a-rooney on the rooms,
43:10you know, on room 226.
43:11Oh, and as a little token of my appreciation for seeing Amy, got a little sort of an hour arriving
43:17for you later, you're going to love it.
43:21OK, thank you.
43:23Oh, thank you.
43:32Hiya, I'm looking for a guest by the name of Tanya Pennington.
43:35Are you a guest as well, sir?
43:37Are you sure this means he's having an affair?
43:38Yeah, lad, he's had a gift for someone special, and why is he staying in a hotel when he lives
43:42nearby?
43:43Doesn't look good, I can't hide.
43:44He's in room 226, sorry, can we just bounce in there, take a photo, and get the evidence from me,
43:49man?
43:50Just listen, right, I've seen the messages, and the dick pics, I know she's here, with another fella.
43:55Just tell me what room she's in, I'm a husband, I've got a right to know.
43:58Just look it up on your laptop, would you?
44:00Down.
44:01That's got to be the husband of the Bear Disneyland Darren Shagan, we need to find him, look at him,
44:05he's going to kill him.
44:05Do you know what, I hope this happens to you one day.
44:07That's unlikely.
44:09You've got a better idea, lads.
44:11What are you doing?
44:12Alright, mate.
44:15I just wanted to say, I think it's absolutely disgusting what your missus are getting up to.
44:21I just saw her checking in before.
44:23Did you, lads?
44:23Dark air glasses?
44:25Yeah, mate.
44:28Room 226.
44:30I swore, lads.
44:33Sir?
44:35Sir?
44:36Are you sure about this?
44:37Lad, Mr Dunderserf's a slap.
44:39He's cheating on me ma.
44:41Gives us time to find this landad and get him out of here as well.
44:43It's honestly beautiful, seeing you care about your father like this.
44:47Shut up, lads.
44:53Well, this is unexpected.
44:55You're bloody right I'm unexpected, lad.
44:57Where is she?
44:59Where is she?
45:04Where is she?
45:16Hi.
45:18Hi.
45:19Hi.
45:26Expect the unexpected.
45:29Absorb.
45:29Listen.
45:31Learn.
45:33Acting's reacting.
45:37How are we going to find him?
45:38He could be anyway.
45:40Bring him.
45:41You must be my special gift.
45:42I am rather in the mood.
45:44Shut your mouth.
45:44Look, this whole angry northern husband routine, let's see what you're going for.
45:49But it's not loudy.
45:49Can we lose it?
45:51Oh, I'm going to lose it, mate.
45:53I'm going to lose it all over your bloody face in a minute.
45:56Now, let's not rush things.
46:01He's not answering, lads.
46:05You're much younger and better looking than I expected.
46:07Oh, so are you.
46:08You're hot.
46:09Broad arms.
46:11Great arms.
46:12Yeah, I bet women just fall at your feet.
46:16What's wrong?
46:16Are you okay?
46:17It's just always the same.
46:19Every woman and me.
46:21Soon as they see me, it's all arms, chest, cock, cock, cock.
46:26Not like I'm just me, a walking knob.
46:28Hey.
46:29You are not a walking knob.
46:32Okay?
46:33You are so much more than that.
46:35I am.
46:36You deserve to be seen.
46:38I do.
46:39I deserve to be seen.
46:40Is there anything I can do for you?
46:46I saw a boost bar in a vending machine down the corridor.
46:50And I honestly thought they'd stop making them.
46:53They're dead rare.
46:56Like a woman who actually sees me for me.
46:59Hey, I see you now.
47:02And I'm going to get you that boost bar.
47:13Oh, excuse me.
47:15Have you seen this man?
47:19No, Sonny.
47:20Do you not fancy me?
47:21Is that it?
47:22No.
47:23Yes.
47:23Of course I do.
47:24Don't be daft.
47:24It's just not professional.
47:26I can make a professional for you.
47:28I'll invoice you after.
47:30Although with you, I'd be better off charging by the second.
47:33Look, I'm not whack.
47:35Look, I promise you, I'll call you later.
47:37Okay?
47:38Drop.
47:39I'll tear into you right here.
47:41Right now.
47:42Urgent.
47:43Impulsive.
47:44We have to have each other this second.
47:45I love it.
47:46You want to have sex with me, too?
47:48That's why you're here, isn't it?
47:50You dirty northern bastard.
47:52I'm here because you're shagging me wife.
47:54Oh, Christ.
47:55You really are dedicated to this angry man role, aren't you?
47:58It's crying on me.
48:00Now.
48:01Chances off.
48:02Cock out.
48:08Just wanted to say, well done for today.
48:10You know, you're doing great.
48:11Cheers, sir.
48:12Oh, and thanks for buying that scented candle for the director.
48:15Got no idea whether all that stuff.
48:17I got a text before they're delivering it to me.
48:19Oh, sorry I didn't give you this earlier.
48:20Needs to go to the cash point.
48:22Cheers.
48:23See you later.
48:34What you're doing, it's beyond brave.
48:38You are?
48:39It honestly breaks my heart that some of us girls are still forced into this.
48:43I want you to know that I stand with you, okay?
48:47Because when one woman suffers, we all do.
48:51I'm going to the restaurant, mate.
48:52I'm starving.
48:53Good.
48:54Food is so important, okay?
48:57You've got to keep your strength up.
48:59For all of us.
49:01Bye.
49:01Bye.
49:05Good luck, Amy.
49:06This is impossible.
49:07He could be anywhere.
49:11Where are you, mate?
49:12So put your tea on.
49:13I've just opened this land, Adam, it's shut on.
49:16Hey, Mum.
49:17Do you proper slush, Mr Dunn?
49:19You what?
49:20Why are you asking that?
49:22I've got to go, Mum.
49:22I love you, buddy.
49:30What are you doing here?
49:31There's still a black audition.
49:32Oh, yeah.
49:33How's it going?
49:34I know I can do it.
49:35And I nailed the song.
49:35But the girls here are just different.
49:38Dears are trained weirdos, obsessed with role-playing, saying things like, always be open to the moment.
49:42Especially this one girl, Alex, who's been looking down here, knows at me the whole time.
49:47Hang on.
49:48What are you used to doing here?
49:50Disney Lee on Darren shagging someone's wife.
49:51And Mr Dunn's cheating on me ma.
49:54Well, Mr Dunn's here with me, so...
49:55You're shagging Dunn.
49:57Yeah.
49:58Not on getting me going like a man who wears a phone holster on his belt.
50:01Oh, Amy.
50:02You're sharp around on me, obviously.
50:04You knobheads.
50:05What is it?
50:06We may have sent a madman to his room to kick his head in.
50:09What?
50:09Right, here's the plan.
50:10This Alex, what room is she in?
50:12The room at the end of the corridor, why?
50:14Because I'm about to give her a role-play that she'll never forget.
50:16That'll teach you a lesson.
50:18Rhys, you don't have to do that.
50:19No, I do.
50:20No one treats me mates like that.
50:22I used to go find Dunn and his lantern.
50:25I'll be back in a minute.
50:26Let's go.
50:34Hello.
50:34Prince William here.
50:41So, obviously, I was in excruciating pain, but it was a relationship.
50:45Your husband's looking for you.
50:46You need to go now.
50:47And you, you should be ashamed of yourself, cheating on your husband like this.
50:51Don't judge me, okay?
50:52It makes me feel alive.
50:54Her husband?
50:55That's Alex.
50:56Who's Alex?
50:57Alex.
50:58She's had the auditions with me.
51:00Oh, okay.
51:00Okay, colliding worlds.
51:02It's your realities.
51:02Alex, this is not a role-play, you know, love.
51:04Wait, but if she's not the wife, then where did Rees just go?
51:07I'm ready for you.
51:09Prince William.
51:10Now, curtsy to me.
51:13I'll curtsy like you've just shat yourself.
51:20You're sick in the head, mate.
51:21Fine, scurry away like they all do.
51:24Just keep tugging away.
51:25Year after year after year.
51:28Oh, now munch that head.
51:30Tanya?
51:34Munch it.
51:37You little.
51:38Get here, you.
51:39Come here.
51:40No, leave it.
51:41No.
51:41I can't let this happen to you, son.
51:42Who are you?
51:43I told you, Rees.
51:44I never had someone who showed up when I needed him most.
51:47Someone to say, I got this.
51:48Will you have, Rees?
51:50Because I've got this, son.
51:53I'm the one your sexy wife should be in front of an old horse with a mouth open.
51:57You're not right in the head, are you?
51:58Not just my head, mate.
51:59Everywhere.
52:00Get help, mate.
52:01I have.
52:02Trauma therapy.
52:03It turns out I don't have trauma.
52:05I really am just this pathetic.
52:06Jesus.
52:07You're not even worth it.
52:09Oh, please say I'm worth it.
52:11I want to feel something.
52:13What on earth is going on?
52:14Rees?
52:15Christopher?
52:17You.
52:18You.
52:19You disgust me.
52:20Preying on young, vulnerable, working class girls.
52:23Yeah, paying them for sex with cash like it's the Victorian era.
52:26You're a predator.
52:28I knew you were up to something, you dirty bastard.
52:32Jodie.
52:33There you go, sir.
52:33Your gift for someone special.
52:35Sorry.
52:37Showering them with gifts as well in return for sex, are we?
52:39No, no, no.
52:40This is for Sam.
52:42Oh.
52:43You do know how to treat a man.
52:46You're starting with everyone, are we?
52:48You fucking tool, man.
52:50That's the last time I twist your nipples, Donnie.
52:52Donnie.
52:53You knew it.
52:54You'll never have given them all the latter chance.
52:56Don't do it, please.
52:56It's not what it looks like.
52:58This is exactly why working class stories matter.
53:00So raw, so important, so raw.
53:03I'm apologetically alive.
53:09Here it is.
53:10The exact moment that Amy Morris becomes a superstar
53:13and ends up ditching me for a famous friend.
53:16Hello?
53:18Yeah?
53:21Okay.
53:25Turn it off.
53:26I don't get it.
53:27Well, they don't appreciate a privileged pair of tits, do they?
53:30See ya.
53:34What are you doing here?
53:35You're supposed to be in geography.
53:36What?
53:38Are you following me?
53:40You're always in geography on a Thursday.
53:42What are you on about?
53:42You freak.
53:46Maya Louise.
53:48We've been looking for you.
53:49See ya.
53:50I was just informing Mr. Meacher of how you took Daisy's phone
53:53and posted a video to our socials.
53:56That's now gone viral.
53:57Viral?
53:58Seriously?
53:59You've humiliated this club.
54:01Do you realise how lucky you are to be given a chance with us?
54:04It's not like an overreaction here.
54:08Hi.
54:09So a lot of you have been asking about my intake.
54:12So this week I've had 14.5 inches a cock, 183 grams a cum, 17 orgasms, 3 STDs, and that
54:21was per one lad.
54:25Oh my god, so you'd only had like 100 followers before.
54:28Look how many I've got you now.