- 6 hours ago
Life of Riley - Season 3 - Episode 02: Letter Of Law
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00:00So here's your light, you're coming our way
00:06We're sailing fine, we're searching
00:11Nothing's starting to be fine
00:15I still believe that you can spare
00:19We've got to find the time
00:23Life of mine
00:26Life of mine
00:32What do you do when someone sends you a friend request
00:35and you don't want to be their friend?
00:37Ignore it!
00:38I've never had anyone ask to be my friend
00:41Actually, come to think of it, you two both ignored my friend requests
00:45And your point is...
00:47I think I'll just confirm her
00:49Well, don't do that!
00:50Well, I can't just ignore her, it's bad manners
00:53Do you like her?
00:54No, she's awful
00:56That's not the point, you've got to look popular even if you're not
01:00I'm home, unfortunately
01:02Why all the sighing?
01:03Oh, it's the weekend you wanted to go to that music festival
01:06and I wouldn't let him
01:07We...
01:08You?
01:09Yeah, we
01:11You're not missing anything, Danny
01:13There'll just be loads of people jostling you
01:16ghastly food, awful news
01:19Sounds like home
01:21Thanks, Ted
01:22Oh
01:23What's the matter?
01:24One of my clients has been made bankrupt
01:27so it looks like I'm not going to get paid
01:30How much?
01:31£2,000
01:32What?
01:33I know, I know
01:34But I mean, that's like a year's worth of bills
01:37It's three months' worth of food
01:39It's...
01:40A whole pair of shoes
01:43I'll get it
01:43We're going to have to find a way of getting it back
01:46But how can we?
01:48Hello
01:48Sorry to bother you
01:49Left my keys at work
01:51And even though Alison said she'd be home by now
01:53she isn't
01:54So can I just borrow our spare keys to let myself in?
01:56Course you can
01:57Thank you
01:57I wouldn't want to miss her coming home
01:59and telling me why it was all my fault
02:02Spare keys
02:02Where do we keep these spare keys?
02:04I'll be in the drawer
02:06Ah, just string and takeaway leaflets
02:09There don't seem to be any keys
02:11I'll be in the cupboard then
02:16No, maybe not
02:17What about the jars?
02:18Yeah
02:19Oh, listen, Jim
02:20Why don't you talk to Roger about that thing?
02:24Really?
02:25Yes, yeah
02:26Er, Roger
02:27I'm thinking about getting a vasectomy
02:29Yeah, go for that
02:31No
02:31The other thing, the legal advice
02:33No, I couldn't talk to him about that
02:36Of course you can
02:38He's a lawyer and it's important
02:40You don't mind, do you, Roger?
02:41No, of course not
02:42You see, one of his clients has gone bankrupt
02:45and they owe us money
02:46Is there any way we can get it back?
02:48Mmm, that might be tricky
02:49It's not the kind of thing I normally do
02:51but I'd be happy to make an exception
02:53The thing is, it can be a bit awkward
02:55doing business between friends and neighbours
02:58Yes, I know what you mean
02:59And we don't want any awkwardness, do we?
03:02No, we don't
03:04I could talk to a colleague
03:05make a few phone calls
03:06if that would be helpful
03:07Oh, great, thank you
03:08Oh, great, good
03:09Er, so, keys
03:10Yeah, Danny, you don't know
03:11where Roger's keys are, do you?
03:13He's locked himself out
03:13No, I can break in if you like
03:15He doesn't mean much
03:16Yeah, through your dodgy bedroom window
03:20Really, never done it
03:21Yeah, no, I do it all the time
03:22if I need to borrow Adam's stuff
03:23or something
03:24I don't think it's a good idea
03:25anyone breaking in anywhere
03:27Why don't you borrow a Ted's key?
03:28Ted's key?
03:29To my house?
03:30Yeah, I had a copy made
03:32May I ask why?
03:34That would be a very good reason
03:35I prefer to use your bathroom
03:39Yeah, see?
03:40I seem to be the only person
03:41that can't get into my own house
03:43Adam, don't worry
03:44Ted will lend you his key
03:47All right, but
03:48on one condition
03:49you don't use my towel
03:51it's the blue one
03:58still looking for the weaver's keys
04:00No, I'm decluttering
04:01Oh, no
04:02that just means extra clutter
04:04it's re-cluttering
04:05It has to get worse
04:06before it gets better
04:07We never get to the better bit
04:08That's because you're such a hoarder
04:10I'm not a hoarder
04:11I'm a collector
04:12there is a world of difference
04:13You're like a great big squirrel
04:16But look at all this junk
04:18a falconry glove
04:21a gorilla suit
04:22a pogo stick
04:25What's this?
04:25Oh, a stone
04:27I'm going to throw away this stone
04:29No, no, you can't
04:30that's a special stone
04:31How's it special?
04:32It's lucky
04:33Not anymore it isn't
04:36That's what I'm going to be from now on
04:37I'm going to be ruthless
04:37I'm going to be without Ruth
04:39otherwise we're never going to be able to move in here
04:41Oh, what about all your clutter?
04:43I haven't got any clutter
04:44Ho, ho, ho
04:44Well, what's all this then?
04:47No, that's not clutter
04:48These are precious mementos
04:50Clutter
04:51What's this?
04:52That's a little lock of Ted's hair
04:56Oh, his first tooth
04:58Oh, his first little proper shit
05:00Oh, his first specks
05:05And
05:07No, I don't know what that
05:08Oh, yes, no
05:08I think that might be his first Veruca
05:12You have got a whole spare Ted in here
05:15You are just going to have to chuck it all away
05:16Oh, no, no, no
05:18Never
05:18It is a bit weird, Mum
05:20And that's coming from me
05:23Oh, stop it
05:24I'm busy
05:25What is it?
05:26Oh, it's that woman I confirmed as a friend
05:27She keeps poking me
05:29Poke her back
05:30I have poked her back
05:32But I've got work to do
05:33I can't keep poking her
05:36Friendships need time and nourishment
05:38She's not a friend
05:39I haven't seen her since art school
05:41I wish I'd never joined this stupid thing
05:43You just keep getting tracked down by people
05:46You've spent your whole life trying to shake off
05:49Oh, Danny, Danny
05:50I wanted to show you something in the local paper
05:52Look at this
05:52Remember that music festival you wanted to go to?
05:55Look, it was a complete washout
05:56Flooding
05:56Someone fell in the cesspit
05:57All the tents were blown away
05:59Thirty people were struck by lightning and hospitalised
06:02Really?
06:03Yeah
06:03That sounds brilliant
06:04I can't believe I missed it all
06:05And it's all your fault
06:07Well, that wasn't the declaration of gratitude I was expecting
06:11Oh, he'll get over it
06:12No, he won't
06:14Just better forget him and focus on me
06:16I'm a biological son and heir after all
06:18Yeah, that's true
06:19And one day
06:20All this will be yours
06:25Right, so this is the part we're getting rid of?
06:27No, this is the part we're keeping
06:29This is the part we're getting rid of
06:31Ted
06:32Guess what Roger's done for us
06:34I've written up a rough draft of that letter to send to Jim's client
06:37Oh, thank you very much, Roger
06:39That's kind
06:39Well, it's what I do
06:41Oh, no, this is going to make all the difference
06:42It's very professional
06:43It was no trouble
06:44And, um, here's my invoice
06:48What?
06:48Invoice
06:49For my work thus far
06:53200 quid?
06:54Cash or electronic transfer will be fine
06:57But we were just having a neighbourly chat
06:59I thought you said you wanted legal advice
07:01Well, yeah, I did, but
07:02And you said you didn't want any awkwardness, so
07:04Yes, so I thought that meant you wouldn't be, um
07:06Oh
07:11No
07:14200 quid?
07:14You get paid 200 pounds an hour
07:17250, actually, but as a favour, I said 200
07:21Don't do us any favours
07:23All right, 250
07:25Plus VAT
07:25Maddy
07:26Say something, Jim
07:29That's a nice shirt, Roger
07:30Not that, Jim, say something else
07:32Well, I don't want any awkwardness
07:33And we'll stop the clock now at seven minutes, shall we
07:37Which will just round up to ten
07:42She threw my other special stone away
07:46And my big foam hand
07:51Jim, I'm going to dance for the night
07:53Probably safest
07:54You might get taken to the charity shop if you stay here
07:57I'll get it
08:00It's for you
08:06Hello
08:08It's me
08:11Amanda
08:13Amanda?
08:14Surprise!
08:17What are you doing here?
08:19Well, I couldn't just poke you online forever
08:22But what are you doing here?
08:24Oh, I was just passing
08:25I only live three bus rides and a 50-minute walk away
08:28Oh, my God
08:30Look at you
08:32I can't believe it
08:36A paunchy, middle-aged man
08:42Paddy, this is Amanda
08:44I used to know Jim at art school
08:49Oh, Amanda, Amanda
08:51Yes
08:52I can't get used to you
08:54Without the boy George dreadlocks and make-up
08:58Nor can I
09:00You're still painting, I hope
09:01Oh, yeah, of course
09:02Absolutely
09:03Yes, yes
09:04He's just done the back bedroom
09:06Oh, do you remember when we did that art project about consumerism
09:09And you took all your clothes off and set fire to them?
09:13Yes, yes
09:14It's amazing how quickly an espadrille can burn
09:18Oh, it was brilliant
09:19So what are you working on now?
09:21Well, I, uh, recently I did a piece for a car insurance company
09:25You know, the one with the singing cat
09:29The purr-fect insurance for your car
09:32Meow
09:33You know, the singing cat
09:35Oh, that reminds me
09:36Do you remember when you stood naked in a bucket of offal?
09:39Oh, Maddy doesn't want to hear about all this
09:41Of course I do
09:43Come on, sit down, tell me everything
09:49And I kept impaling people with my Mohican
09:56So then I shaved all my hair off, didn't I?
10:05I think my hair probably looks better now, though, doesn't it?
10:09Probably
10:10I bet I look way older now, don't I?
10:12No, no, you look great
10:14I certainly smell better
10:16I've been making my own perfume
10:19Look, what do you think?
10:22Oh, nice
10:25Oh, that's right
10:26I'll go
10:31Well, I'd better be heading off
10:32Yes, you probably should
10:35You've been very quiet
10:37Well, uh, that's me, I am quiet
10:40Anyone would think you don't like me
10:42What? No, that's...
10:45Do you like me?
10:46Uh, yeah, oh, well, um, oh, you know, I mean, yeah, of course
10:50That's good
10:52Because I like you, too
10:55A lot
11:03What, what, what are you doing?
11:06Kissing you
11:06But, but, but...
11:07You've been wanting me all evening
11:11No, no
11:12Thinking about old times
11:14Thinking about why we never got together the first time around
11:22Alright, I missed anything?
11:24No, nothing, nothing
11:25Amanda was just leaving, weren't you?
11:27Yes, yes, I'd better be going
11:28Oh
11:28But now I know where you live
11:31I'll be seeing a lot more of you
11:34Bye, Jim
11:46a funny thing happened earlier it was funny you will think it was funny what was it you're gonna
11:55laugh when I tell you because earlier you know me you know where Amanda oh you'll love this she
12:12um she kissed me what kissed you goodbye yeah yeah no I don't know how long is a friendly kiss
12:26well how
12:27long was it it was like this that's too long that's what I thought so why don't you pull away
12:41I was
12:42shocked did you linger no I didn't linger there was no lingering absolutely no lingerage I promise
12:47you well I'm not surprised you kissed you she'd been flirting with you all evening flirting yeah
12:52she wasn't flirting she wasn't you were flirting back what are you insane I wasn't flirting back
12:59I was being polite so does she look lovely being polite being polite she asked me to I don't
13:11understand I know you don't it's complicated let me explain it to you I wish someone would you coming
13:19to bed no I think I'll just watch a bit of TV you really don't understand do you Jim are
13:31you coming
13:31to bed apparently yes he was doing what kissing another woman no way you're making it up like that
13:45time you said you saw a pigeon being sick no I didn't see a pigeon being sick and trust me
13:49this was more
13:50gross I reckon dad and Maddie are going to split up don't be stupid we are going to have to
13:55do this
13:55through a lawyer not Roger well someone else then because we can't arrange the settlement without one
14:01all right fine come into the kitchen I put all your possessions in a pile if you don't take them
14:06away I'm
14:06gonna throw them out okay okay see I don't want to consult Roger I just feel we have to a
14:14bit like
14:14kissing Amanda then we're caught between a rock and a hard place it like Amanda now you're going
14:20too far which is exactly what you should have said to Amanda I told you she kissed me I'll go
14:26you have
14:27Rosie no I'll go you have Rosie that we'll both go and we'll leave Rosie with Danny and Katie okay
14:35come on then let's go and talk to Roger Roger the Rineys are here to see you oh right it
14:43seems he's
14:44willing to stop reading his newspaper to talk to you but not to me well there's an outside chance
14:49they're not going to ask me to vacuum the car they would if they saw the number of crumbs in
14:53there a
14:54lot are there at least 46 46 that's very accurate so how are you both how are things oh fine
15:01thanks
15:01don't answer that we can't afford social niceties we are here for more legal advice well I see well
15:07go ahead but to avoid any misunderstandings I'm going to keep an eye on the time okay and the time
15:15starts now oh well the thing is Roger we've had a reply from the letter uh uh I no hesitation
15:21oh it's
15:22funny you should say that no deviation just gets the point oh bad people refuse pay what we do now
15:32well I think there are ten key points to deal with hi it's Jim in uh no can I take
15:44a message
15:45I've already left 22 messages okay um well I'll tell him you came around okay thanks
15:52thanks thanks bye that's her that is her really let's get her in what for we need to know what
16:01our
16:01options are before we decide if dad's leaving maddie or not we decide Amanda would you like to wait in
16:08here oh yes please you sure you don't mind not at all not at all just uh make yourself comfy
16:16and
16:16we'll leave you to it I'll just put on some music but actually talking of music I was just wondering
16:21what do you think of music festivals they seem fine interesting and may I ask do you have a broadband
16:28connection yes do Wi-Fi course yes I love your earrings oh thanks talking of jewelry clothes shoes and
16:38makeup do you mind people borrowing your stuff if they're really careful with it no what if they're
16:45not so careful with it not really yes well it's been very very nice chatting with you just one final
16:52thing do you have what are you planning to get HD what's that you know a TV oh no no
17:01I don't have
17:01a TV I'm sorry well there'd be nowhere to put it even if I had I live in a tiny
17:06flat you what you
17:09don't have a car though don't you oh no hate the things and I can't drive oh and it was
17:14all going so
17:15well don't mind me just vacuuming the car so I think we need to threaten to appropriate goods to
17:23the same value if they are not able to settle the debt in money well thank you that's been very
17:27helpful
17:28okay that's it it's over stop the clock meanwhile notwithstanding don't fritter away our money on
17:36expensive words like notwithstanding meanwhile here to for thus and thereafter I Roger Anthony
17:44Adam Barrington weaver will issue an affidavit pertaining to the debt in regard to my previous
17:51correspondence ray the money's defined as the aforementioned song there's something lodged in my
17:57nozzle and I'm going to need an explanation
18:06we can't let them split up I know I thought you're still mad at Maddie I am but you know
18:12I
18:13really like her and stuff don't ever tell her I said that obviously besides I've invested a lot
18:18of time in trouble in Maddie I reckon I'm only a couple of weeks away from talking her into getting
18:22the sports channels yeah I'm about this close to getting my phone upgraded we can't just throw all
18:27that away on Amanda exactly so you're gonna have to talk to dad no way you talk to dad Katie
18:33dad and
18:34I don't talk I grunt and he hums or coughs whereas you use all those clever sounds you mean words
18:40yeah those right leave it with me
19:00hi what are you doing I was just passing oh is it me or is it hot in here it's
19:09you it's you I'll
19:10open a window hmm might be a good idea otherwise these windows might get a little steamy if you
19:16know what I mean yes condensation it's the blight of all uninsulated temporary structures either a new
19:24shed with insulation your temporary structure here and let me insulate it for you no I'm and I think
19:31you've got the wrong idea but what about last night you were 30 no I wasn't you said I look
19:37great you like
19:38my hair you sniffed me don't tell me I misread the signs I was being polite don't worry I just
19:46want a bit
19:47of fun no Amanda I can't do this you'll change your mind and when you do she was in there
20:06she was she was in
20:10there you are joking I'm too shocked even to tweet what are they doing she was touching his face I
20:20feel
20:20sick I feel sick what we're gonna do dry toast long term oh no idea all right just bring it
20:32to it home
20:33oh what are you doing I'm just wondering if I stand here long enough if a bird of prey will
20:37come and
20:37land on my hand well it's worth a try oh I've been looking for that everywhere what was my pogo
20:46stick the rest of my bike my gorilla snooze can I get rid of it well I could take it
20:51down a dump if
20:52you want if you don't know you got it's not worth having is it thank you that's exactly what I've
20:56been
20:56saying that's the first time you and me have agreed on anything in about 10 years yeah weird so that
21:03pile is going and that pile is staying do you know the man with the van no no no but
21:07I know Sheila
21:08tranny with a transit oh this broccoli's horrible thanks Ted I think it's nice yeah me too really
21:25broccoli may seem horrible but at least it's trying and it's got your best interests at heart
21:31I think I prefer peas yeah whatever like we care what you think yeah jackass
21:41I'm just saying sometimes I feel like a change that is so typical men sorry is that so wrong yes
21:50well Maddie doesn't mind she knows I like a bit of variety besides the the broccoli is a bit past
21:57its
21:57best you're so fickle well that broccoli has given you the best years of its life all right all right
22:07maybe one day I'll go back to broccoli maybe broccoli won't have you back look I'm willing to have it
22:14as
22:14one of my five a day okay ignore him I really like your hair me my hair mine yeah I
22:26love the way it's all
22:26bad me too how are you by the way yes how are you yeah I thought I thought it was
22:33just annoying oh you
22:34are don't get me wrong you are annoying but you're not the most annoying person in the world oh that's
22:40so
22:40sweet and you're really embarrassing but yeah we can live with it oh oh that's really that's and
22:50looks wise you're a bit of a minger but you're not totally right oh that's great you've no idea how
23:00fun we don't want you and dad to split up we're not gonna split up I saw you kissing another
23:05woman and
23:06so did I I was being polite that was all just a misunderstanding really yes it was all her she
23:15kissed me it was a mistake that's what you said about Maddy no no but this is different I don't
23:24fancy
23:25Amanda but you let her kiss you I didn't let her I just write you outside now it's all right
23:31Ted Ted Ted you
23:33don't need to do this all right but I'm watching you but dad why didn't you just tell her you
23:42weren't
23:43interested I did but she wouldn't listen she's besotted it's my animal magnetism so how am I going
23:49to get rid of her she keeps writing messages on my wall really rude messages let's just change your
23:55Facebook status to dead it won't work she's not gonna take no for an answer have you reminded her
24:03that you are married to a rather beautiful woman who bears grudges yes yes I have and she says that
24:08she she doesn't care she just wants some fun a fling no strings oh she does does she I've changed
24:20my
24:20mind there's a connection I feel it too so I'm moving in we all are forget flings and fun let's
24:29just go
24:30for it it'll be great just the six of us I'm only coming at weekends five of us Ted's only
24:34coming at
24:35weekends and school holidays and school holidays so I have a list of dietary requirements and cleaning
24:41products that you'll need to purchase plus he'll need his own towel oh and and Rosie will need her
24:49own towel at the moment as well because she's got a bit of chicken pox so she said she's a
24:52bit scabby
24:52but that only lasts for a couple of weeks and Katie will need the bedroom obviously obviously but the rest
24:58of
24:58us can bunk up in the living room no no no we can't do that and really we should get
25:02to sleep as
25:03soon as we can because Rosie has got a funny habit of waking up at four o'clock in the
25:07morning at the
25:08moment I thought you'd last longer than that was only five minutes I don't think we'll be hearing from her
25:20again do you fancy coming back to my place for long-term commitment a limited amount of fun and loads
25:26of
25:27strings attached yes please actually could I stay with the mad lady her flat looked really clean
25:44all right what's happened here where's all my furniture oh she'd have just finished loading up all your junk
25:51but you were meant to take just that pile to the dump oh I thought I was meant to leave
25:57that pile
26:00oh she'll be halfway to the dump by now and he ladded his tights he's not gonna be happy this
26:05is a
26:06disaster I know she's taking my special stone collection on the other hand it does look very
26:11zen we can finally live clutter free we're gonna get the whole lot back well there's no room to put
26:17anything in there why not take a look oh it's the settlement from my bankrupt client a massive pile
26:31of junk office furniture ah but this isn't our job this is someone else's job this could be useful
26:37yeah hey string take away leaflets very happy oh good you received your payment told you I'd get
26:46your money or goods to the value of anyway yes you did didn't you well no need to thank me
26:50all part of
26:51the service and here's my final invoice no problem we thought we'd pay you in pot plants and a huge
26:59industrial photocopier nice idea but I think you'll find if you check the small print of my contract it
27:06states quite clearly that I accept only checks or electronic transfer of course it does why didn't
27:11it state that in my contract not too sure that's the kind of thing you need to get a lawyer
27:16to look
27:16into we're gonna have to pay him you know yes I know I know and we will the important thing
27:24in
27:25life is to be gracious in defeat oh that reminds me Danny what I've just heard about this new music
27:32festival local to here do you want to go really can I yeah yeah it's starting um what right now
27:40I've checked and I've made sure we've recreated the exact atmosphere ready
28:02seem to be having some kind of party next door what's that ah it's a check for the money that
28:09the Riley's owe me what's that why I believe it's a photocopy of Maddy's backside
28:31make a carbonara however this one is unlike any you've seen before next MasterChef meets science
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