- 5 hours ago
Half Man Episode 6 Engsub
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:28Transcribed by ESO, translated by —
00:00:55What are you doing?
00:00:57Changing.
00:00:57Changing for what?
00:00:58Just changing.
00:01:09Why have you brought wraps?
00:01:17Look, if you're not going to speak, Ruben, I'm not going to stick around much longer.
00:01:19You love me.
00:01:21Don't you?
00:01:25What?
00:01:28You love me.
00:01:31Where is this going?
00:01:32Just answer the question.
00:01:36Well, of course I do.
00:01:37You're my...
00:01:37No.
00:01:39No caveats.
00:01:40Stick with the emotion.
00:01:44Where do you feel it?
00:01:46Hmm?
00:01:46Your love for me.
00:01:48Where do you feel it?
00:01:49Is it here?
00:01:50Listen, Ruben, I'm not sure what this is all about.
00:01:52Just answer the question.
00:01:56I suppose love is most felt in the heart, right?
00:01:57No, fuck that fucking mug response.
00:02:00Answer is you.
00:02:02I want to know what Nell Kennedy feels it.
00:02:06I feel it.
00:02:06I feel it everywhere.
00:02:07Everywhere.
00:02:07Yeah, it sort of runs through me in a way.
00:02:11Describe it.
00:02:11I can't, I can't describe it.
00:02:13Yes, you fucking can!
00:02:15Mr. Fucking Poet Laureate, whatever the fuck it is you've won.
00:02:19Your job is putting shit into ours.
00:02:20So, come on.
00:02:22Spell it out for me.
00:02:24Clearly.
00:02:25In a way I can understand.
00:02:30It's like...
00:02:33Dangerous.
00:02:35Oh, yeah?
00:02:36It is the best.
00:02:38And the worst thing.
00:02:40All at once.
00:02:42It's like the only thing.
00:02:44It's the only thing I've ever felt.
00:02:48It's like I'm fucking...
00:02:51High off of you or something.
00:02:54Chemically dependent.
00:02:56I don't know.
00:03:02Hmm.
00:03:28So, how long did you wait?
00:03:32I'm tearing us off.
00:03:34Before you swooped in.
00:03:37Before you took what's mine.
00:03:42I'm not speaking about this.
00:04:00You ready?
00:04:02Yeah, sorry.
00:04:02Just coming.
00:04:10Okay.
00:04:11Who has the first question?
00:04:14Yes, madam.
00:04:15Now, your book has been heralded as a modern masterpiece.
00:04:18Can you speak to the room about how you managed to paint such an accurate portrait of male violence?
00:04:23A good novelist never reveals his sources.
00:04:25Review your sources, then.
00:04:30Sorry, no can do.
00:04:33Compadre.
00:04:37But the book is clearly based on your brother, who's been involved in two high-profile serious assault cases in
00:04:42this country.
00:04:43The last of which almost cost Benjamin Thompson his life.
00:04:46No, my book had nothing to do with any of that.
00:04:48My brother informed some of the research, yes, but it's important to remember that this is a work of fiction.
00:04:52It's not a biography.
00:04:54It would have been very easy for me to write a biography.
00:04:56Yes, but your book follows a violent central character called Cosmo, who, despite everything he does, is portrayed as a
00:05:03victim of emotions he cannot control.
00:05:05Were you trying to defend his actions in some way?
00:05:08Not in the slightest.
00:05:09Let's bring the microphone to the next person, please.
00:05:12He's up a bit, yeah?
00:05:14He's stiff as fuck.
00:05:19Yep, go ahead.
00:05:20Following one from the last question, you appear to be a little defensive today in your answers, but to me,
00:05:26your brother's conviction was so in the public domain.
00:05:29Surely you could see that parallels would be drawn.
00:05:31Yes, but what about the dialogue?
00:05:33The characters, the portrait of mental health, I mean, those didn't come from him.
00:05:36My apologies. We're just interested in getting to know the man behind the story.
00:05:40Well, that's me. I'm the man behind the story.
00:05:42I understand that, but...
00:05:43I'm sorry, but does anyone here have any questions about me?
00:05:51Seriously?
00:05:54Call yourselves journalists.
00:06:00So, for the remaining 20 minutes, we will only be taking questions which relate to the author and the writing
00:06:05process behind this novel.
00:06:09So, does anyone have any questions...
00:06:12on that?
00:06:21Oh, mate, mate, this is hilarious.
00:06:24Oh, man.
00:06:26Oh, mate.
00:06:28Mate, what were you thinking?
00:06:29Fucking hell.
00:06:30Hey, check this out.
00:06:31When all questions were directed at the author, the room fell silent.
00:06:35One reporter eventually shoved up his hand, but he only did to ask where the bathroom was.
00:06:42That is good.
00:06:43That is good.
00:06:46I think I might go.
00:06:47Oh, look, don't do that, you surly little bitch.
00:06:50Come on.
00:06:50I'm in prison.
00:06:52I need to take what I can to cheer myself up.
00:06:56You shouldn't enjoy it so much.
00:06:57Oh, fuck off.
00:06:58Why do you care anyway, you penis?
00:06:59Because...
00:07:01they only ask about you.
00:07:03Oh, come on, Bamboos, I'm the main character in this relationship.
00:07:06When are you going to realise that?
00:07:07At best, you're my sidekick.
00:07:09At worst, you're the guy that brings me my lunch.
00:07:15Ah, look, I get it.
00:07:17I cast a big shadow, even within four walls.
00:07:20But, hey, if you can't handle the questions,
00:07:23where'd you base the book on me in the first place?
00:07:25Because I felt...
00:07:29I don't know.
00:07:32Something.
00:07:34Guilty.
00:07:40Why would you say that?
00:07:42You know, for the Mona thing.
00:07:47I'm sorry?
00:07:49Not keeping an eye on her properly.
00:07:51Letting that Benji fucker swoop in.
00:07:53Oh, yeah, no.
00:07:55No, I mean...
00:07:56Obviously, I couldn't watch her all the time.
00:07:59Hmm.
00:08:00She still denies it, you know.
00:08:02But she slept with him.
00:08:05Since when?
00:08:06Since, I don't know, like a week ago, maybe.
00:08:09She visited?
00:08:10Yeah.
00:08:11First time in, like, three years.
00:08:13Brought a little bird with her, too.
00:08:15Fucking love that little guy.
00:08:16She brought bird with her?
00:08:17Yeah.
00:08:18Miracle child.
00:08:19Three years old now.
00:08:20It's crazy.
00:08:22Can you believe it?
00:08:22Us.
00:08:23Fathers.
00:08:24I know you don't get to see yours often, but...
00:08:26Check us out, eh?
00:08:28Two strapping fucking dads.
00:08:31I don't understand.
00:08:32I thought there were rules in place.
00:08:33I thought you couldn't see him.
00:08:34I couldn't.
00:08:35But she's changed her mind and all that now.
00:08:37I tell you.
00:08:39It's the greatest motivation for keeping my nose clean in here.
00:08:42Getting out before he's old enough to realise where I am.
00:08:44But this is so out of the blue ribbon.
00:08:46I mean, why did she visit?
00:08:47I thought she was with someone else now.
00:08:49She was, but it's over.
00:08:50Why?
00:08:51Why is it over?
00:08:52She was calling out my name during sex.
00:08:55I don't know that for facts.
00:08:56I just assumed that's what happened.
00:08:58Like, I mean...
00:09:00Did she say what she was after?
00:09:02Nah.
00:09:03But something was bothering her.
00:09:04I couldn't really say what it was about.
00:09:06You didn't get it out of her?
00:09:08No.
00:09:11But I will.
00:09:16I will.
00:09:30It's been four years, Mona.
00:09:32I don't understand.
00:09:33Why now?
00:09:34I'm fucking lonely, okay?
00:09:35Little Bear's at playgroup all day.
00:09:37And Luke's leaving me.
00:09:38And I fucking miss him, you know?
00:09:40Well, get him back then.
00:09:42Fucking Reuben.
00:09:42It's Reuben I miss.
00:09:43No, no, no.
00:09:44We're not going back over this again.
00:09:46It's broken.
00:09:46Move on.
00:09:48He can't build a relationship on what we've done.
00:09:50Those kinds of secrets will destroy you from the inside out.
00:09:52They won't if I tell him.
00:09:54If I wipe the slate clean.
00:09:56Mona, he'll kill us.
00:09:57He'll kill you.
00:09:58And then what?
00:09:59You'll have a relationship between plastic prison dividers for the rest of your life.
00:10:02You're not thinking straight.
00:10:04Here.
00:10:05Put this down.
00:10:06Get away from me, you pig.
00:10:10Mona.
00:10:11Come on, now.
00:10:12You're not thinking rationally here.
00:10:14Then what happened to compartmentalising?
00:10:16Used to be so good at that.
00:10:17It all catches up with you in the end.
00:10:20Compartmentalising is just taking something from your mind and putting it on your soul.
00:10:23Come on, Mona.
00:10:23That's ridiculous.
00:10:24You're only thinking about yourself.
00:10:25No, I'm not.
00:10:26This is about Little Bear too.
00:10:28He is getting to that age now.
00:10:29And he's going to need a masculine role model in his life.
00:10:32Well, that can be that for him.
00:10:33Didn't you hear what I just said?
00:10:37The truth is, Ruben wants to be a part of his life.
00:10:39And I've agreed to all that now.
00:10:41And I'll be damned if I'm staring all mother poor bastard raises the kid thinking he's his.
00:10:46The kid is his.
00:10:48No, he's not.
00:10:48He's yours.
00:10:49Don't say it.
00:10:50Don't even utter it.
00:10:52He'll reinforce it in your head.
00:10:54And it'll come out of your stupid mouth one day when you're steaming fucking drunk.
00:10:59How did I burn it all down for you, eh?
00:11:02A nasty little ogre of a man.
00:11:07Pull yourself together, okay?
00:11:10Get Luke back, ditch the sauce, and be an example to your kid.
00:11:15Don't make me come around here again.
00:11:16I'm out of your hand, okay?
00:11:31Ah...ve
00:11:31la traildarna wants to act where she was born now.
00:12:07There she is.
00:12:10Hello, darling.
00:12:11Hey, Butch.
00:12:12I haven't seen you in a while.
00:12:14No, no, I've been working a lot.
00:12:15We can't be doing that now.
00:12:20You, er, bring any naughty substances?
00:12:24No, not tonight.
00:12:26Thinking I'm having a chill going.
00:12:28In here?
00:12:31Impossible.
00:12:34We'll see how long you last.
00:13:02Hey, Butch.
00:13:03We up.
00:13:04I don't know what I'm—
00:13:19You high- pastors are secretive.
00:13:23Too many times.
00:13:24Too many times.
00:13:27Too many times.
00:13:31You're listening to this material.
00:13:32I don't really know what a garbage means.
00:13:32I don't know.
00:13:37Oh, shit.
00:14:03Where have you been?
00:14:05I'm so sorry. I came as soon as I could.
00:14:17So is she here?
00:14:18Almost.
00:14:36Oh, shit.
00:15:09I'm so sorry, Mum.
00:15:13It's just a nightmare towards the end.
00:15:17Nice to have you both share an ambulance, though.
00:15:21My contribution to a stretched NHS.
00:15:26So what happens now?
00:15:29Well, we'll get the death certificate,
00:15:31and then the funeral home will come and take her away
00:15:34and pump her full of preservative.
00:15:37I imagine it's like basting a chicken.
00:15:42Are you told Reuben?
00:15:43No.
00:15:45I've decided you were going to.
00:15:48Oh, and don't even think about skipping the funeral.
00:15:51It's likely the prison will let him out
00:15:52and you have to be there for him, okay?
00:15:56And for God's sake, go get yourself checked out.
00:16:01You probably got some awful virus from those places you've been going.
00:16:05Yes, ma'am.
00:16:09Okay.
00:16:15Okay.
00:16:20Okay.
00:16:21Okay.
00:16:21Uh-huh.
00:16:21So, ah-huh.
00:16:26Okay.
00:16:34I'll tell you, you know, if I'm waiting for
00:17:04This way, please, Mr. Gandhi.
00:17:28I'm sorry, that guy in the room across the hall, is he called Albert?
00:17:33Yeah.
00:17:34That's right.
00:17:34How come?
00:17:35It's just that I knew him once.
00:17:39We lived together at university.
00:17:41Wow.
00:17:42Small world.
00:17:43Yes.
00:17:44Yeah.
00:17:46Elise.
00:17:48Set.
00:18:09Let's go.
00:18:10Let's go.
00:18:12Let's go.
00:18:13You just left.
00:18:19Niall.
00:18:22Niall!
00:18:28Elby.
00:18:31What a surprise.
00:18:31I know.
00:18:32You saw me.
00:18:38What are you doing working here?
00:18:40I thought you studied philosophy.
00:18:42I did.
00:18:44I went back to uni to make up for lost time.
00:18:48Nursing was actually my fourth degree in the end.
00:18:50Turns out I have wanderlust.
00:18:54You look good.
00:18:58Well, it's a couple of facial reconstructions since the last time you saw me.
00:19:03Unfortunately, I'm still a bit more Picasso than Da Vinci for my liking, but it's getting
00:19:06there.
00:19:09I heard about the book, though.
00:19:11That's exciting.
00:19:12Oh, yeah.
00:19:13Yeah.
00:19:14The details on your clipboard, less so.
00:19:17Oh, isn't that confidential?
00:19:20Took a little peek.
00:19:21Sorry.
00:19:24Ladies.
00:19:27Really, Niall?
00:19:28Ladies?
00:19:30Oh, fuck it.
00:19:30I lied.
00:19:31I'm sorry.
00:19:31I just felt vulnerable, I suppose.
00:19:33You never change, do you?
00:19:35I know.
00:19:36It's tragic.
00:19:38Well, the good thing is, we can help.
00:19:44We also offer support for those who partake in chem sex parties.
00:19:50If you're interested.
00:19:52And what makes you think I need that?
00:19:54I can tell.
00:19:56After all, I've been there myself.
00:19:59It is quite the hole to get out of, take it from me.
00:20:09It is good to see you, old friend.
00:20:31It is good to see you, old friend.
00:20:57There he is.
00:20:58Edgar Allan Poe-faced cunt.
00:21:02Fuck me, man.
00:21:03You should have been here last night.
00:21:05The heat was unreal.
00:21:06The one day a year, where the sun graces us with her presence, and she decides to hotbox
00:21:11our cell.
00:21:13Honestly, man, it was fucking sweltering.
00:21:15I went for a shit, and my testicles ended up about a half inch beneath the water.
00:21:19Ruben Morda died.
00:21:27Hmm.
00:21:37Hmm.
00:21:41Was it quick?
00:21:44Was what quick?
00:21:45Her death.
00:21:47Well, no.
00:21:49She was diagnosed, like, 20 years ago.
00:21:50Yeah, but, like, she went peacefully.
00:21:53Peacefully.
00:21:54Yeah.
00:21:56Obviously, a factor in the last few years of considerable decline.
00:21:59Just say yes.
00:22:00Yes.
00:22:05Were you, like, with her when she passed?
00:22:12No.
00:22:15I was in the waiting room.
00:22:16Felt a little sick looking at her back of the house, so I kept away.
00:22:19You didn't spew, did you?
00:22:21You always fucking spew.
00:22:24Well, yeah, I might have, actually.
00:22:26You didn't spew on her, did you?
00:22:28Well, I...
00:22:28You spewed on my dying mother.
00:22:32I suppose we put it like that.
00:22:37This is not how I expected this to go.
00:22:47No fucking cunt.
00:22:52Who?
00:22:53Benji.
00:22:55He took these years from me.
00:22:56No, Reuben.
00:22:57You can't go there.
00:22:58You've been learning to let go of your anger, have you not?
00:23:00Yeah, but now it's back.
00:23:01No, no, no.
00:23:02Process it like they taught you.
00:23:04This is just grief, and you're shouldering it onto the nearest emotion that you need.
00:23:07Fuck that.
00:23:08Don't you psychoanalyze me, Pop.
00:23:10You don't know a damn thing about my emotions.
00:23:12Well, I do a bit.
00:23:13I mean, my dad died too, remember?
00:23:15Fuck off.
00:23:15At least you got the chance to say goodbye.
00:23:18Imagine not being there for him and his deathbed because some cunt took it from you.
00:23:23Well, that'd be horrible.
00:23:24Yeah, exactly.
00:23:25So you think about that before you start talking about my damn emotions.
00:23:29Then you tell that Benji cunt.
00:23:31Wherever he is.
00:23:33Then when I get out here, I'm gonna find him.
00:23:35And I gotta finish what I should've done the first time around.
00:23:37I'm not gonna do that, Reuben.
00:23:39You're fuckin' doin' it, ya.
00:23:40You're fuckin' doin' it, ya.
00:23:41You're fuckin' doin' it off to anything you have to say, ya?
00:23:43I'm doing your fuckin' balls.
00:23:45Don't you fuckin' forget it, Pop.
00:23:46You're fuckin' doin' this, ya?
00:23:48You hear me?
00:23:49You don't fuckin' say no to me, you little cunt.
00:23:52You're fuckin' doin' this, ya?
00:23:53Ya!
00:23:54You little fuckin' prick!
00:23:56You fuckin' little prick!
00:23:57You're doin' this!
00:23:58You fuckin' don't say no to me!
00:24:00Ya!
00:24:02Cunt!
00:24:15Niall Kennedy.
00:24:21This way, please.
00:24:28Oh, sorry, I didn't know you were, er, taking this one.
00:24:32I thought that my presence here might make it easier for you to be honest about what you've been doing.
00:24:39...
00:24:46Fill this out.
00:25:08Wow, you've had half a glass, girl.
00:25:12Right.
00:25:14Okay.
00:25:17Would you like the bad news or the good news?
00:25:20Bad news.
00:25:22Classic.
00:25:24So the bad news is you have syphilis and chlamydia.
00:25:29But the good news is it's curable.
00:25:32We'll put you on antibiotics.
00:25:34It'll clear up in three to six weeks.
00:25:36Easy money.
00:25:43Anything else I can help you with?
00:25:48Yeah.
00:25:52What time do you finish?
00:25:57About ten minutes.
00:26:00You don't know.
00:26:04You fancy a drink, do you?
00:26:08Well, with a sexual history as extensive as this, how can I say no?
00:26:19So he just started screaming?
00:26:20Yeah.
00:26:21It was terrifying.
00:26:22He said he was going to kill the guy.
00:26:23And did this Benji guy actually sleep with his wife?
00:26:27Uh, yeah, I think so.
00:26:31Wow, brave man.
00:26:33And they have a kid together, Reuben and this Monarch girl.
00:26:38Yeah.
00:26:40You mean it could be Benji's?
00:26:43Reuben always had difficulty conceiving.
00:26:47Surely he must suspect something, no?
00:26:49I'm not sure.
00:26:51I mean, even if he had the thought, I don't think he pays it much attention.
00:26:54He's wanted a kid for so long.
00:26:56Tends to override any rational thinking.
00:27:00Have you told him you're gay?
00:27:03I'm bi.
00:27:05Have you told him you're bi?
00:27:07No.
00:27:08Have you told anyone you're bi?
00:27:10Not really.
00:27:11Have you told yourself?
00:27:17No.
00:27:19Oh, Niall.
00:27:22I had such hopes for you.
00:27:25No.
00:27:28Have you even opened yourself up enough to have feelings for a man?
00:27:36Only once.
00:27:39What was he like?
00:27:43He was...
00:27:45Great.
00:27:50Really quite amazing.
00:27:56Talking about you, by the way.
00:27:58I figured.
00:28:05Look, you...
00:28:07You don't, um...
00:28:11Fancy getting to know one another again, do you?
00:28:14I mean, you can think about it, if you like.
00:28:18I mean, you'd probably rather slap me in my face, but...
00:28:21I don't think I could live for myself if I didn't.
00:28:27I don't think I could live for myself.
00:28:28How's Friday?
00:28:32Sure.
00:28:34I'll see you then.
00:28:37And behave now.
00:28:39I don't want to hear you've been going back to any of those places.
00:28:50One, please.
00:28:59Hmm.
00:29:02So are you into this guy, then?
00:29:05Yeah, I think so.
00:29:08Feels like you could be something, you know?
00:29:12That's great, babe.
00:29:14I'm really happy for you.
00:29:22Butch.
00:29:25What's he about?
00:29:28People watch, probably.
00:29:30You should know that, mate, huh?
00:29:31Yeah, but he's not touching himself or anything.
00:29:33He's just watching.
00:29:36Okay.
00:29:37Give me a sec.
00:29:46Yeah.
00:29:47Yeah.
00:29:49He's a freak.
00:29:52I mean, should I say something?
00:29:54What would you say?
00:29:55I don't know.
00:29:56Why aren't you touching yourself?
00:29:57Leaves you open for criticism, huh, bubs?
00:29:59Yeah, but I can't go again like this with him just staring.
00:30:03He's not moving his face.
00:30:05Just ignore it, babby.
00:30:07Drugs will kick in any moment, and you won't care about a thing.
00:30:11No, I'm going to say something.
00:30:17Can I help you, mate?
00:30:20Yeah.
00:30:21Do I recognize you?
00:30:26I fucking hope not.
00:30:27No.
00:30:40I don't.
00:30:42I don't know.
00:30:50I don't.
00:30:51I don't know.
00:31:08Don't worry. I'm the best lawyer in the game.
00:31:13Just remember to blink for fuck's sake.
00:31:17So, gents, this place is actually a renowned sex club.
00:31:21Hmm.
00:31:23Can you explain your reasons for being here?
00:31:25It's a naturist's spa, actually.
00:31:28You know, if you turn up in those types of uniforms, people are going to get confused.
00:31:35Deep breath in and out, please.
00:31:49Back in a moment.
00:31:52You're not helping.
00:31:54Just go, I'll see you later.
00:31:55No way. I'm not leaving you to die.
00:31:57In a homovoid institution where they do God knows what to you.
00:32:01This was a car crash, but it's not a murder.
00:32:03In Britain, not Chechnya.
00:32:04Just go.
00:32:05Follow the rest of both of us.
00:32:08Breath is clean.
00:32:10But we'll have to do bloods, I'm afraid.
00:32:12No.
00:32:13Look, I've heard the wrong.
00:32:15That's all it was.
00:32:16Listen, I'm very sorry, but we're going to have to bring you into the station.
00:32:19Before you do that, I'll have a quick word with my client.
00:32:25Don't worry.
00:32:26I'll get you down there.
00:32:27And if you've got anything on you, I suggest you tuck it under the old bull sack.
00:32:31They can't do a full-body search for a crime this small.
00:32:35I'll see you in a bit.
00:32:36But you're not driving, are you?
00:33:14Oh, fuck.
00:33:15I have a funeral today, and I'm miles from home.
00:33:18Oh, yeah?
00:33:19Yeah, it's my mum's friend, but they're, uh...
00:33:22Well, they're very close.
00:33:23Sounds like an excuse, kid.
00:33:25You just charged me then!
00:33:27I was high, right up!
00:34:02I was high, right up!
00:34:03Bloods came back positive for meth and crack cocaine.
00:34:07Oh.
00:34:09I didn't know about the second one.
00:34:14Can you explain your decision to drive whilst under the influence?
00:34:18Look.
00:34:20My client might have been spiked, so I suggest you charge him now,
00:34:24and we will fight this to the very end.
00:34:26Your client also admitted it to a guard there, though.
00:34:30Right.
00:34:32Did he?
00:34:34You don't help yourself, do you?
00:34:39Now, Brandon Kennedy,
00:34:40you are hereby charged with driving whilst under the influence of drugs.
00:34:44You're not obliged to say anything...
00:34:46Brandon.
00:34:47...but it may harm your defence if you do not mention
00:34:48when questioned something which you later rely on in court.
00:34:51You will be granted bail subject to conditions
00:34:53which will be explained to you in due course.
00:35:16It is never easy to say goodbye,
00:35:20but we take comfort in knowing
00:35:24that while her earthly journey has ended,
00:35:27her soul has found comfort
00:35:30in the arms of our merciful God.
00:35:35Maura was a proud woman,
00:35:38not...
00:35:39Excuse me.
00:35:39Sorry, guys.
00:35:41Sorry.
00:35:42Sorry.
00:35:43Sorry.
00:35:55I'm a disgrace.
00:35:58...that did not demand attention.
00:36:01She was a kind woman,
00:36:03not just in words,
00:36:05but in deeds.
00:36:07Whether it was a neighboring need,
00:36:09a friend in soul,
00:36:11or a stranger who was in interest,
00:36:22and now her dearly beloved son,
00:36:25Reuben Pallister,
00:36:26would like to say a few words.
00:36:43Thanks, everyone, for coming.
00:36:45Can you hear me at the back?
00:36:51You know, I've, uh...
00:36:55I've tried so hard to put into words
00:36:58what my mum means to me,
00:37:00and, uh,
00:37:01this is the best I can do.
00:37:05One side of A4.
00:37:09I'm not sure what I feel right now,
00:37:11to be honest, though.
00:37:13I feel a lot of guilt,
00:37:15a lot of anger,
00:37:17a lot of remorse.
00:37:20the last thing
00:37:21I feel in a way
00:37:24is grief.
00:37:31You know, it's funny.
00:37:33Even though I expected this day to come
00:37:35every day for over ten years now,
00:37:38nothing can quite prepare you for it.
00:37:41every time I get a cold in prison,
00:37:44you think it's her.
00:37:47Just joking.
00:37:49Still alive.
00:37:52Not that she jokes very much.
00:37:57You know, I...
00:37:59I sometimes think
00:38:01death isn't so much about
00:38:04missing the person,
00:38:07missing the relationship
00:38:08you could have had with them.
00:38:11And, uh,
00:38:12we could have been special,
00:38:14my mum and I.
00:38:17Had I just...
00:38:20focused a bit.
00:38:25There was this window
00:38:28in my life
00:38:29where I felt like,
00:38:30for the first time ever,
00:38:31things might be okay between us.
00:38:33Um,
00:38:35I passed this exam
00:38:38back at school and
00:38:41she smiled this smile,
00:38:43I don't know,
00:38:43it was like
00:38:45her eyes
00:38:46joined her mouth
00:38:48for the first time,
00:38:49her
00:38:50face became
00:38:52whole
00:38:53in a way.
00:38:55I don't...
00:38:55Sorry,
00:38:56I'm...
00:38:56I'm going off script a bit here.
00:39:02I saw relief
00:39:06I saw pride.
00:39:12Well, I cheated that exam.
00:39:15And when she found out
00:39:16her face, like...
00:39:18went back to how it was before.
00:39:22Smiling with her mouth,
00:39:24but not with her eyes,
00:39:25only heavier now,
00:39:26and...
00:39:27by the time she was
00:39:28visiting me in prison
00:39:28every week,
00:39:29she was...
00:39:31almost unrecognisable.
00:39:35You see,
00:39:36I've made a lot of mistakes
00:39:37in my life.
00:39:4117 years in prison.
00:39:44A third of my life
00:39:45stuck in a fucking box.
00:39:48When I could have been out there
00:39:50spending time with my mother.
00:40:02And I promised her
00:40:04that I could have the first time
00:40:07that I would never go back
00:40:08it again
00:40:09as long as she was breathing.
00:40:14well, I broke that promise.
00:40:17And soon she wasn't breathing.
00:40:26So I'm sorry, Mum.
00:40:31I'm sorry you've had to wait until now
00:40:32to hear me accept some sort of responsibility.
00:40:39And I'm sorry for all the things
00:40:40that put you through.
00:40:44You know,
00:40:47in a weird way,
00:40:49I'm so glad the cancer
00:40:51came back to take you.
00:40:54because it saved me
00:40:55being the cause of your death.
00:40:59So be at rest now, Mum.
00:41:04I'll see you in the next life
00:41:08where I'll do everything in my power
00:41:11to make up for this one.
00:41:33You okay?
00:41:35Hey, little fella.
00:41:44Angry?
00:41:45You're asking me if I'm angry?
00:41:47Don't know the meaning
00:41:48of the word angry.
00:41:49Fucking furious.
00:41:51I mean, let's bloody well
00:41:52break down what you did
00:41:53this afternoon.
00:41:54You arrive late
00:41:55sweating like a bloody paedophile
00:41:57and you spend most of your time
00:41:59in the bathroom
00:41:59sniffing coke.
00:42:00I'm sorry, Mum.
00:42:01Why don't you just admit it?
00:42:03You wanted to ruin this funeral
00:42:04from the start.
00:42:05I didn't.
00:42:06Oh, come on.
00:42:07You've always had a problem with her.
00:42:09This is your way
00:42:10of getting her back.
00:42:11No, it wasn't.
00:42:11I promise.
00:42:12I was just...
00:42:17Sorry, Mum.
00:42:17Will you just excuse me a moment?
00:42:19No, don't.
00:42:25What are you doing?
00:42:28I'm showing solidarity.
00:42:30The best solidarity you can show
00:42:32is staying the fuck away.
00:42:33Oh, please.
00:42:34Only you could put your own selfish knees
00:42:36before a funeral.
00:42:37Look, I have told you...
00:42:43Here.
00:42:46Look, you have done your bit
00:42:48and that's lovely
00:42:48but you need to stay away from him now.
00:42:50Why do I?
00:42:50Because you're only going to hurt him again.
00:42:52Coming from you?
00:42:52All you do is hurt him.
00:42:53That's not true.
00:42:54I've visited him every week
00:42:55for four years now.
00:42:56I didn't flounce off
00:42:57with some fancy man
00:42:58and then come back
00:42:58because I couldn't stand the loneliness.
00:43:00You're such a pregnant...
00:43:01No, I'm not.
00:43:02I've done a damn sight
00:43:03more than you in all this.
00:43:05I've honoured him in books.
00:43:06I've changed the entire narrative
00:43:07around what he did
00:43:08to that poor bloke.
00:43:09That makes up
00:43:09for one lousy rotten fuck.
00:43:11All of it.
00:43:12Four years.
00:43:13That's what I told myself.
00:43:14If the guilt was still there
00:43:15after four years
00:43:16I was to do something about it...
00:43:18No, you know what you can do about it?
00:43:20Kill yourself.
00:43:22Because you'd be dead anyway.
00:43:28Do you want to know
00:43:29the one thing that stops me
00:43:30from telling him most of all?
00:43:32It's not the fear
00:43:33of how he'll react
00:43:34or how upset he'll be.
00:43:38It's because I can never
00:43:39quite figure out
00:43:40whether I want to tell him
00:43:41just to fuck you.
00:43:44Let him know
00:43:45what a traitorous
00:43:46little worm you are.
00:43:50Tell me what?
00:43:55Oh, sorry, Reuben.
00:43:57I thought you were
00:43:57downstairs with Baird.
00:44:05I mean, how long
00:44:06have you been there for?
00:44:08Long enough.
00:44:19Where's your guard?
00:44:21He's in my pocket.
00:44:22That's where.
00:44:24Aren't you supposed to be
00:44:25with him at all times?
00:44:26Shut the fuck up.
00:44:38Sounds like there's something
00:44:38going on here
00:44:39that I should know about.
00:44:42No, it's not.
00:44:46The morning was just
00:44:47leaving, actually.
00:44:49No, you fucking know.
00:44:57until you explain.
00:45:02Explain what?
00:45:04Dosh whispers
00:45:04the fucking cut conversation.
00:45:08Because last hour
00:45:09you went in touch.
00:45:12Now you're arguing
00:45:13like you shared
00:45:13a lifetime together.
00:45:16So what is it?
00:45:24What is it?
00:45:40I'm going to give you
00:45:40ten seconds
00:45:44to explain
00:45:48what could be
00:45:49so fucking important
00:45:51that you take a time
00:45:52out of my mother's funeral
00:45:54to come up here
00:45:56and chat away from me.
00:46:04So what is it?
00:46:18I mean, we can do
00:46:19a countdown if you want.
00:46:20A ribbon.
00:46:22Five, four.
00:46:23No, ribbon, please.
00:46:24Just listen.
00:46:25Three.
00:46:25Ribbon, please.
00:46:26It's ribbon.
00:46:31I thought you were
00:46:32going for a piss.
00:46:35I was.
00:46:37I got caught up Chan.
00:46:40Well, you can't be
00:46:41doing that, son.
00:46:43I almost found you in.
00:46:44Come on.
00:46:47This isn't over.
00:46:48I know when you're
00:46:49fucking hiding something, yeah?
00:46:50Come on.
00:46:51I know when you're
00:46:51fucking lying to me,
00:46:52you're around.
00:46:53This is my mother's funeral.
00:46:55You're no fucking lying,
00:46:56cunts.
00:46:56Hey, hey!
00:47:04I'll stay away, okay?
00:47:06I promise.
00:47:37You're...
00:47:40Medications, and some pamphlets.
00:47:46It's a good roach paper, this.
00:47:52I'm joking. I'll read them.
00:47:58What happened?
00:48:01I was arrested in church today.
00:48:04Crashed my car outside Bologna's.
00:48:06Jesus, Niall.
00:48:08Were you on meth?
00:48:11Yeah.
00:48:13My agent called too.
00:48:16Someone pictured me outside.
00:48:19The son are gonna run a story on it.
00:48:22They're likely to mention the car park.
00:48:25And where I was.
00:48:30Everyone's gonna know.
00:48:33Oh, Niall.
00:48:36This burden you carry, it's too much to bear.
00:48:39Don't you think the universe is pushing you to take action here?
00:48:44I don't believe in that kind of stuff.
00:48:46Well, I do.
00:48:48Is some article in a shit rag paper really the way you want to out yourself to the world?
00:48:54I mean, what are you scared of exactly?
00:48:58What people might think.
00:49:02But don't all the important people in your life already know?
00:49:06Ruben doesn't.
00:49:09Why don't you just tell him, Niall?
00:49:11I can't.
00:49:14I just...
00:49:17I can't.
00:49:18You can.
00:49:21It might be uneasy at first.
00:49:25Trust me.
00:49:26You will tap into a reserve of strength within you that you didn't even know you had.
00:49:31Use this as a chance to open yourself up to the world.
00:49:35It's that.
00:49:36I'll let a pigeon-brained journalist decide how to tell your story.
00:49:40Let's be honest.
00:49:42After your last two books, you can't really afford any more bad writing out there associated with you.
00:49:46Fuck you.
00:49:47Fuck you.
00:49:52Fuck you.
00:49:54Right, just...
00:49:55Go down to the prison tomorrow.
00:49:57Look him straight in the eye and say,
00:49:59This is me.
00:50:04Or else maybe you're not man enough to admit you fuck blokes.
00:50:13Cup of tea.
00:50:20I'll see you next time.
00:50:51I didn't think I'd see you again.
00:50:58Last time I put that kind of fear in you,
00:51:01we went over a decade.
00:51:05Yeah.
00:51:08So, do you want to tell me what was going on between the two of you then?
00:51:13Nothing.
00:51:14Bullshit.
00:51:15Fucking nothing.
00:51:16Easy, Rupin.
00:51:17I know something went down.
00:51:19I'm gay.
00:51:23Well, I'm bi, but...
00:51:28maybe it's cleaner to say gay.
00:51:33You're bi.
00:51:34That's right.
00:51:36That's what me and Mona were arguing about.
00:51:38She wanted to tell you to get me back for snitching about Benji.
00:51:47You're bi.
00:51:49Yeah.
00:51:51You.
00:51:52Bi.
00:51:53I don't...
00:51:54I think I'm gay.
00:51:56Sorry.
00:51:57Let me retract.
00:51:59I'm gay.
00:52:01You're gay.
00:52:02I'm gay.
00:52:19I'm gay.
00:52:20Are you surprised then?
00:52:21Yeah.
00:52:22Are you admitting it?
00:52:26Oh, come on, Bambus.
00:52:27I've always had my suspicions.
00:52:29Since when?
00:52:30Since fucking forever.
00:52:31Since I found all that Doctor Who shit in your wardrobe, you nugget.
00:52:37Wait, so you're, uh...
00:52:39You're not annoyed?
00:52:41Annoyed?
00:52:41What the fuck's it got to do with me?
00:52:43Well, you don't shy away from slurs, Ruben.
00:52:45The best of times.
00:52:46They're just words.
00:52:47No, they're not just words.
00:52:48They do damage.
00:52:49Only if you let them.
00:52:50No, I let them!
00:52:53I let them every day of my fucking life, Ruben!
00:53:01What do you mean you're not annoyed?
00:53:04I'm not anything.
00:53:05I don't give a fuck if you stick it in.
00:53:07I mean, why would I?
00:53:08Our mums are bent.
00:53:09Yeah, but lesbians are cool.
00:53:10You said that all the time growing up.
00:53:12When I was, like, 17.
00:53:15If our mums had proved anything, it's that they're actually pretty fucking uncool.
00:53:21This is all your shit, son.
00:53:23This has got nothing to do with me.
00:53:24No chance, Ruben.
00:53:26You call me a faggot all the time.
00:53:28Yeah.
00:53:28I also called you ugly.
00:53:30And thick.
00:53:31But you're not sitting here being all insecure about that.
00:53:37Do you want to know who the real homophobe was?
00:53:40In your life?
00:53:44Come here.
00:53:47I'll tell you.
00:53:53You.
00:54:00You were the only one who cared, Mel.
00:54:03You always have been.
00:54:04No, not really.
00:54:04I was probably pretty bad in school.
00:54:06You wouldn't believe the type of shit that they would say to me.
00:54:08Yeah, but you listened.
00:54:10More to the beat of your own drum.
00:54:12Tends to drown out the other noise.
00:54:13That's what I say.
00:54:14It's not that easy, Ruben.
00:54:15It is, Niall.
00:54:17It is.
00:54:21You've wasted your whole life
00:54:23dancing to other people's tunes.
00:54:26But you've never had the rhythm, let's be honest.
00:54:29But I'll be fucked.
00:54:30If I'm sitting here, will you make out I'm to blame for all your problems?
00:54:34I'll accept 10 to 15 percent, no more than that.
00:54:48So you're not annoyed?
00:54:50No.
00:54:53Proud.
00:54:54Proud.
00:54:55If anything.
00:54:59They can call us gay and proud.
00:55:15I don't know what to say.
00:55:17You don't have to say anything.
00:55:38Can I tell you something?
00:55:40No.
00:55:42In the spirit of Sharon...
00:55:51It's about my dad.
00:55:55Yeah.
00:55:58I hated him.
00:56:05I hated him because of what he did to me.
00:56:11He hit you and stuff.
00:56:16That was the best of it.
00:56:19Yeah?
00:56:32That was the best of it.
00:56:38Oh my God, Leland.
00:56:39I'm so sorry.
00:56:44It fucks you up, man.
00:56:46Makes you a fucking half, man.
00:56:48Oh, mate.
00:56:50Mate, you're a half, man.
00:56:54You're a half, man.
00:56:55I hate to think of what I am.
00:56:56A fucking quarter, man.
00:56:58A bloody top, man.
00:56:59Yeah, but I've spent my life proving it.
00:57:01You know, filling myself back up to the top.
00:57:04Well, you succeeded.
00:57:06No doubt about it.
00:57:09You know, my body would respond sometimes, you know.
00:57:26Right.
00:57:30And a lot of ways, it's the closest I've ever been with someone.
00:57:39Is this too much?
00:57:42No.
00:57:45No, it's fine.
00:57:50You know, I would come sometimes.
00:57:59You know?
00:58:07It is too much.
00:58:09Sorry.
00:58:11It is too much.
00:58:19Do you think less of me?
00:58:25No, of course not.
00:58:27It would be ridiculous.
00:58:29You're my hero.
00:58:32More so now that I know where you get your armor from.
00:58:38I'm so sorry.
00:58:40You don't need to be sorry, alright?
00:58:42You felt like you couldn't be honest with me.
00:58:44It was all me, alright?
00:58:45I'm so sorry.
00:58:46I fucking love you, brother, yeah?
00:58:48I fucking love you.
00:58:49I fucking love you, yeah?
00:58:51I fucking love you, brother.
00:58:52I fucking love you, brother, yeah?
00:58:54I fucking love you too, yeah?
00:58:56I fucking love you.
00:59:03I fucking love you.
00:59:06Oh, fuck me.
00:59:08We definitely look like a couple of homosexuals now, eh?
00:59:17Oh, fucking hell.
00:59:19Oh, man.
00:59:25Fuck me.
00:59:26I feel lighter.
00:59:30Is there anything else you want to get off your chest?
00:59:33Yeah, I might as well get more of that now, eh?
00:59:35Yeah.
00:59:37Go on.
00:59:38Go on.
00:59:40Oh, fuck.
00:59:43Do you see Aldi?
00:59:45Yeah, the fucking bloke I mashed.
00:59:48Yeah?
00:59:48Yeah.
00:59:50I'm seeing him.
00:59:51Oh, no way.
00:59:56I think he's the one.
00:59:57What?
00:59:58How long have you been together for?
01:00:00Um, for a week.
01:00:01Not even before.
01:00:02You fucking mad cunt.
01:00:03You know when you know, right?
01:00:05I suppose.
01:00:07Wait, wait, hold on.
01:00:08Was that what you wanted to tell me in the kitchen that time?
01:00:10Yeah.
01:00:11You fucking cunt.
01:00:12I went to prison for a decade because of that.
01:00:15I wouldn't have given a shit.
01:00:16You fucker.
01:00:17You fucking cunt.
01:00:21I'm sorry.
01:00:27Wait, you go.
01:00:28You go.
01:00:30Uh, oh, you see Celeste?
01:00:33What, is it my ex-flatmate Celeste?
01:00:35Yeah.
01:00:35Yeah.
01:00:36I fucked her when I got out of prison.
01:00:38What?
01:00:38No way.
01:00:39Made it my mission.
01:00:40What did she wear for it?
01:00:41Like a dog to a boner.
01:00:45Didn't she fucking hit you?
01:00:46She fucking did, yeah?
01:00:48Fucking frog bitch almost broke my pelvis.
01:00:56Go on.
01:00:57You tell me something.
01:00:58Go on.
01:00:59Go on.
01:00:59I fucking hated you, Mum.
01:01:00Oh, I fucking hated yours, too.
01:01:07Oh, you see how your gym kit would always go missing back at school?
01:01:11Yeah.
01:01:12That was me.
01:01:13Fuck.
01:01:13You fucker.
01:01:15Yeah, I just couldn't resist seeing you slipping around the football pitch in your awful fucking
01:01:20brogues.
01:01:20Yeah, I look like a fucking tit every bastard week.
01:01:26You fucking can't.
01:01:28You can't.
01:01:38Oh, okay.
01:01:42Anything else?
01:01:45Yes.
01:01:46I fucked Mona while you were awake.
01:01:54Burt my child.
01:02:02No.
01:02:06No.
01:02:09No.
01:02:21No.
01:02:24No.
01:02:30Oh
01:03:06Oh
01:03:30No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:03:48Fucking love you brother, yeah?
01:03:50I fucking love you, yeah?
01:03:51Yeah, yeah!
01:04:51Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?
01:04:55Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?
01:04:58Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?
01:05:11Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?
01:05:13Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?
01:05:13Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh
01:05:21Huh?
01:05:33Ugh!
01:05:37Mmm!
01:05:39Ugh!
01:05:40Ugh!
01:05:46Ugh!
01:05:47Ugh!
01:05:51Ugh!
01:06:03Ugh!
01:06:05Ugh!
01:06:10Oh, fuck.
01:06:14Oh.
01:06:30Oh, Johnny boy.
01:06:33The pipes, the pipes are coming
01:06:38From glen to glen and down the belt to slide
01:06:46If you will bend and tell me that you love me
01:06:53Then I will sleep in case I tell you to come to me
01:07:07I will sleep in case I tell you to come to me
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